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Apo tried to breathe. Mile was playing games with him.
The GQ event had been a perfect disaster so far.
"Get a grip," he said to himself, splashing water over his face. He was alone in the black and gold bathroom, thinking in circles.
Mile had started it all with an innocent: "I want everyone to know how gorgeous you truly are."
Those words had suddenly crawled up his spine and made him choke. How? Over the years, Mile had told him in so many ways how strangely beautiful-perfect-exquisite he was. He knew this. It had never been anything but flirtatious fun.
But here he was now, constantly aware of Mile's eyes on him, the night making his head spin even though he hadn't taken a sip of alcohol.
Mile had kissed and touched him in so many ways nothing should be new anymore.
Barcode had said to him he looked like he was a little too intoxicated, high even. High on fucking pheromones.
That's why he was in the bathroom now: Barcode and his awfully observant eyes. He hoped Barcode hadn't noticed the reason why Apo felt the way he did.
Shit. He hoped no one else had noticed.
The door opened and Mile entered the bathroom. "Here you are," he said like the world had swallowed Apo and he was relieved to find him.
Mile came to stand behind him, their eyes locking in the mirror. The hand on his waist was a delicious brand. "See, we're perfect together." It was such a bold statement, it uprooted Apo, his face heating up.
Apo lowered his gaze and blinked. Mile had to be doing this on purpose.
A grip on his chin startled him. Mile guided his head up so he would look at himself in the mirror again and Apo could do nothing to stop him. He looked drugged, his eyes heavy-lidded and darker than usual.
Mile kept watching him, kept holding him, and it should've been a sobering moment. It should've made Apo step away because anyone could come in.
It was nothing. They had done so much more to and with each other. It was nothing.
"You are different somehow," Mile said, his voice a little deeper than usual. He didn't let go of Apo, his fingers light on Apo's chin. Warm. Gentle. Firm.
What were they doing? What was Mile doing?
Apo stared at Mile.
"I love the way you look just now," Mile said and the words washed over Apo. He leaned back against Mile, helpless against the pull. Mile let out an audible exhale, then said, "Don't tell me I'm finally getting to you."
Apo looked at him with pleading eyes. Not here. Not around all these people and all the cameras.
Mile brushed his thumb over Apo's lower lip and Apo closed his eyes. "Oh my god…" he said, astonished. "Are you for real?"
Apo didn't nod. He didn't say anything. But his body was betraying him. He was heavy against Mile, his breaths non-existent.
"Oh…" Mile turned his head and smelled Apo's hair, his mouth close to Apo's ear. "Okay… Okay…"
How did one survive moments like this? Apo had no idea. A part of him wanted to find a backdoor and run away with Mile. Another more rational part realized that they would have to go back and speak in front of all those people very soon.
"Po."
He opened his eyes, so turned on he couldn't really focus his gaze.
"We can't go out there like this," Mile said softly, his breath warm against Apo's skin.
Apo bit his lower lip, the one Mile had just caressed, and slowly breathed out. He knew how to control his body. He was an actor, and he meditated daily. His body was his temple and his tool and he could do anything with it. He tried to pull away but Mile's grip on his waist was hard, the fingers digging into his tender flesh. Apo's head span.
"You… promise me you will stay open." Mile eased his strong hold on Apo and gently petted his side, then let go of his chin, his hand lingering on Apo's chest and stomach. "Please."
Apo nodded. They would have to talk about this, whether it was something permanent or something fleeting. Whether they wanted to act on it or not. Whether it was real or just a production of an intense night and schedules that had them up and running 24/7. Apo bet Mile had never had these feelings for another man.
"Good," Mile said and the praise curled Apo's toes. Then Mile moved away from him and Apo swayed. He still felt the pull, the invisible force of Mile's absolute power over him. "Sweetheart," Mile said, his hand on the small of Apo's back, immediately giving him support and guidance. The word was unconscious, but so natural Apo could imagine a world where he would hear that from Mile constantly. For a brief second, he yearned for that.
Mile turned him around, squeezed his cheeks for color, gently slapped them, and said, "Okay, act normal, will you?"
Apo smiled. He had just got an award for acting. Of course he could do this.
The night was a whirlwind of interviews, speeches and small talk, and Apo felt drunk the entire time even though he didn't drink a drop of alcohol. One time, they were being interviewed and Mile said something to him and it was like a sensual shock to his system. He tried to blink the feeling away, but it had to show on his face. It had to.
Mile was a little devil now that he knew how he affected Apo. The touches were constant but subtle and so incredibly arousing. Apo just hoped he wasn't the only one missing all the beats of his normal life. He hoped Mile was in this with him. He had to be. Mile was the sweetest guy. He would not string him along.
"I want to hide you from the world," Mile whispered in his ear at one point. They were standing further away from everyone in a small corner for extra delicacies people hadn't really noticed yet. Mile wasn't too close, but close enough for Apo to smell his cologne. That and Mile's words made his knees weak. "Right now, you belong in someone's bedroom, preferably mine."
Apo swallowed hard. That was the first time Mile had ever said anything like that to him, acknowledging what was happening between them and making choices. "Yes, please," Apo said, equally bold.
"I want to kiss you," Mile whispered, his arm sneaking around Apo's waist, "and taste your skin. I want to see you naked."
Apo blushed, his breath caught.
"My place afterwards?"
Apo nodded weakly.
Mile crowded him against the wall of the secluded corner, their bodies facing each other, Mile's eyes dark pools of heat and wonder.
Not here, Apo wanted to say, but couldn't. Instead he tilted his head back against the wall and exposed his throat. Apo bit his lip so he wouldn't let out an embarrassing sound. He had some of his dignity left and a public display of lust was not on his schedule this morning.
Mile moved even closer and pressed his lower body against Apo's, suggestive but still gentle like only Mile could be. Forever the gentleman. Even when he was very much telling Apo what they would be doing when they got home.
"Take me home," Apo said, fluttering his eyelashes, knowing he looked gorgeous. Mile had seen some of his sensual sides while filming but not all. Apo wasn't good at flirting because he didn't want to be rejected, but once he knew he was wanted, he could be anything, his inhibitions gone.
"You mean it?"
Apo smiled and looked at Mile with hooded eyes. "Do you want me to beg, P'Mile?"
Mile gave him a strange look, like he couldn't understand the words. Then he leaned in, his lips nearly touching Apo's. "Yes."
Unable to stand on his own, Apo grabbed Mile's jacket with both hands and whispered, "Please take me home. Please."
Mile groaned, his forehead against Apo's. "Fuck…"
"Yeah…" A breathless sound.
"Come're." Mile was slurring the words, his fingers curling in Apo's hair. It was a hug, not a kiss, but it burned Apo through his clothes. Mile's hands roamed over his body for a short moment, but then Mile pulled back to an arm's length, taking a few breaths. "Okay," he said softly. "Okay."
Apo just watched him.
When Mile raised his gaze he looked shocked. "Oh my god, you're even more beautiful like this." He said it like he couldn't deal with Apo's beauty at all, like it was too much, almost hurting him. "How?"
"You make me like this." Apo touched the side of Mile's face. "You make me dream."
Mile looked at him for a moment longer, then took Apo's hand and started to pull him out of the venue. They said goodbye to most of their acquaintances, even Barcode who looked a little startled when he noticed Mile's hold on Apo, how he wouldn't let go for anything.
Apo just smiled at him and blew him a kiss. Let him think whatever he wanted. Their friends and coworkers had suspected all kinds of things over the years and especially the past few months. So let them. All of them. Apo didn't care. Mile was not letting go.
In the car, Mile had his hand on Apo's thigh, but otherwise it could've been like any other car ride. It wasn't. Apo's mind was reeling. He should've been scared, but wasn't. The only thing he could think of was: finally. Mile was finally noticing him. Apo was finally letting go, opening up, revealing his true feelings.
*
Mile's apartment was dark and the huge windows showed the night view of the city. Bangkok was beautiful and for a second, Apo was mesmerized by the way the lights played with the darkness.
Mile came to stand behind him and pulled him against himself. "Scared?"
"Should I be?"
The soft laugh felt so good against Apo's body. "No. I adore you. You adore me. What more is there to want?"
"You on top of me?"
Mile squeezed him harder. "Really?"
Apo leaned his head against Mile's shoulder. He had felt Mile against himself so many times, yet none of those times had felt like this, like a future together. "I don't want just sex," he said, suddenly afraid that Mile did. That would be devastating. Gut-wrenchingly disappointing. Cruel to his soft heart. He couldn't do just that with Mile.
"God, no," Mile said urgently. "I'm giddy with happiness. My mind is already figuring out our future: where we live, what we want to become, who we want to tell, how we want to grow… I want all of what we can be." Mile kissed his cheek. "So no, I don't want just sex either."
That made Apo smile. "I should've known. You're the best person I've ever met. Of course you'd be a wonderful… partner?"
"Yeah, boyfriend, partner, whatever you want."
Apo turned in Mile's arms and looked at him. "I think I've been falling in love with you for a long time."
Mile's soft expression spoke about his willingness to be vulnerable with Apo.
"So... "
Mile walked him against the wall-to-ceiling window and kissed him.
It stopped every thought in Apo's mind. Mile was really kissing him, his hands capturing Apo's against the glass. He was trapped in the most perfect way.
Mile was overpowering and controlling and Apo yielded willingly, letting Mile push and pull at him to his liking. The way they mirrored each other was like a dream.
"How are you like this?" Mile kissed a trail to his ear. "You respond like you were made for me."
Apo moaned, but couldn't answer.
"I've never…" Mile's lips against his ear were hot, his breath intoxicating. "Fuck… Apo."
Apo wrapped his leg around Mile's and tried to pull him closer. He could do nothing else because Mile still had him pinned to the window.
"You like it," Mile said and licked Apo's neck. "You've always liked when I take charge?"
Apo nodded, biting his lips.
"That's why you reacted the way you did during the workshops? Has anyone kissed you like I do?"
Apo whined. Mile was talking too much, figuring out all the hard parts of Apo. He wanted less talking and more licking-biting-grinding. He hoped honesty would shut Mile up. "No."
Mile bit his neck hard, then kissed the part he had hurt, soothing the sensitive skin. "Po." He sounded hurt.
They kissed against the window for a long time. Mile took his time with him, getting to know what made him lose control. He found all the ways to disarm him and soon, Apo was begging for Mile to take him to the bedroom, to fuck him, do anything he wanted.
Mile's hands were in his hair, pulling hard, tilting Apo's head back. He kiss-licked his way down Apo's chin and neck to his shoulder.
Apo dug his nails into Mile's back under his shirt and the jacket. Mile was hot under his touch, a little sweaty too, and Apo wanted to lick his body all over to taste him.
Mile turned them around and started walking Apo backwards to his bedroom, kissing him the whole time. "Are you okay with anything?"
"Anything?" Apo tried to think. Was Mile asking if he could fuck him? "Yeah, anything. Please. I want you in me."
Mile stopped walking, but kept Apo close. "Even if it's my first time with a guy?"
He tried to blink away the feverish feeling. He wanted to give Mile a proper answer. "Just listen to my body. You're good at it."
"You mean that?" Mile touched his face with gentle hands.
Apo looked at Mile, his breaths still heavy, his chest rising fast. "My body is wired to your touch. You have to know that."
Mile brushed his fingers over Apo's lips and cheeks, soft and sensual. Quiet. "I love you."
He had to close his eyes; Mile's stare was too all-consuming. "I love you, too," he whispered after a short while.
After the quiet conversation in the dark, Mile took him to the bedroom, laid him on the bed and undressed him completely without taking his own clothes off. That was hot in a way Apo couldn't put into words. It left him exposed.
"You're so beautiful," Mile said, his hands shaking when he touched Apo's chest. "You're starting to have a dancer's body." Apo had tried to get slimmer for the period movie without losing too much muscle. He'd stopped lifting weights and instead, did yoga almost every day. It showed.
Mile let his hand slide over the curve of Apo's waist. "How are you shaped like this? So perfect." Mile kneeled between his thighs, his hands roaming freely over Apo's sensitive body, but not touching his cock or reaching lower.
When Mile's fingers gently stroked his inner thighs, Apo arched on the bed, but he held Mile's gaze, bold as fuck. He wanted more. He wanted it all. "You have no idea how lucky I feel. You let me do this. You let me look at you. And you're you. Nobody has ever gotten so under my skin. You with your strange scent and beautiful smile. You with your weird words and funny mind. You with the way you want me to take the lead, the way you respond to everything, like now. Apo…" Mile curled his hand around Apo's cock and it sent a shock wave over Apo, his body tensing, his breath caught. "Let me see you come. Please."
The way Mile squeezed him, the way he looked at Apo with those intense eyes, the way he moved his hand with a steady rhythm, it all had Apo gasping for air. He gripped the sheets hard, twisting in Mile's hold, but his eyes never left Mile's, not for a second.
Mile put his free hand against Apo's stomach and held him down, his hand speeding up. "Apo, come, please. I want to see you."
He was so close. So close. There were tears in the corners of his eyes, but he held Mile's gaze the whole time, and then he was coming, shooting come on his stomach and Mile's hand, feeling overwhelmed.
Apo blinked, his mouth open. He must have been loud.
Mile looked at him with pure adoration. "I thought I had seen all your beauty." Mile let go of him and stroked his sides soothingly. "I've watched your face in so many situations… I had no idea…"
Apo released the sheets from the death grip and relaxed against the bed, breathing deep. Mile was wonderful. Apo wanted to hold him. He held out his hand. Would Mile ruin his suit jacket?
"Oh…" Mile looked a little bewildered, but took Apo's hand and let himself be pulled into Apo's arms.
Apo beamed. Mile didn't care about the stickiness of Apo's body and what it would do to his precious clothes. He wrapped his arms and legs around Mile, holding him tightly. He'd keep holding onto Mile as long as he let him, forever if possible. "You're the bestest of the best," Apo said against Mile's ear, then bit the lobe. "You're my favorite person."
"You ruined my suit," Mile said, laughing.
"And you love it."
Mile pushed his arms under Apo's shoulders and buried his face in Apo's neck. "I'm a little overwhelmed." He sounded so soft.
"Why?"
"I didn't expect to feel this much. I thought I knew what you meant to me. I had no clue."
Apo pulled Mile even closer, his grip breath-taking. "How do you feel?"
"I'm questioning my intelligence. That's how surprised I am." Mile kissed his neck, then moved back just enough to look at Apo. "I've always known you're a little special. It's always been easy to pretend with you. Pretend to love you. Pretend to want you. Pretend to be with you. Pretend to have sex with you. I've watched you pretend on screen. I thought I knew how it would feel for real." Mile paused and kissed Apo's nose. "I thought you would be the same, but you're more. I should've known that, and it's just… a lot to take in. I wasn't expecting to be more intrigued by you now that I've seen you like this. I want to get to know you, the way you like things, and then surprise you over and over again. Take you to places and experience new things together."
Apo traced Mile's eyebrow with his thumb, but didn't interrupt him otherwise. He wanted to hear all of it.
"I've had relationships before, you know. I've even thought about marrying a girl once, but I didn't know back then what I know now. I don't care about marriage unless it's important to you. What I care about is you being in that future I'm imagining. It's crazy. We've known each other properly for a few years. We've been together for one night. But I absolutely know I want to create that future together. Does that scare you?" Mile looked spooked himself.
"Not at all," Apo said softly. He adjusted quickly to everything and he liked when Mile took charge. Mile was always considerate and kind. He was wise. His way of handling Apo had always been patient and supportive. He knew Mile would be good to him. In his mind, it was simple now that he was finally here. "You know I don't tolerate bullshit, and I know you're all about the real things. So if we have problems, we'll talk and figure things out. Other than that, I have no problem with anything you said. You can even be possessive if you want, a little jealous too, but you have to know you can always trust me. I will tell you if something is wrong."
Mile's smile was a little wicked. "So you'll be a low maintenance boyfriend?"
Apo grinned. "You know I won't be. I have way too much energy and not enough self-control to be easy."
"Easy to me, I meant." It sounded like the most honest I love you Apo had ever heard.
His friend in university had once said to him after a bad breakup: "Find someone who thinks your strange sides are their favorites. The world is full of people who find us annoying, but we only need to look for the few who think we're awesome just the way we are." Mile was one of those people: Apo's eccentricities were Mile's favorite. And in Apo's opinion, Mile had no faults. He'd spend the rest of his life looking for those, but he doubted he could find any.
He pulled Mile into a kiss. Mile was his. It was more than sex. That was absolutely enough.
The End