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Xavier really wanted to talk to him. He would also rather do just about anything else.
Nevermore reopened a semester after the incident (or rather the cluster of ever-connecting incidents) and life went on. In his senior year, Xavier had taken to listening to his recently-aquired therapist. She recommended he didn't close in on himself, something that was really tempting for him. He should find a way to channel his emotions into something healthy is what she said. And there really was only one method of processing for him.
So he asked around. He asked Bianca what clubs needed more members, what events needed more attention. Then he'd draw flyers. Dozens of them, on particularly bad nights. And he'd post them around the school. It didn't feel like much, but it felt leagues better than sitting still.
In a week, Nevermore was hosting an annual fundraiser. That night, in the stillness of his single room, he drew a landscape of Nevermore. Blue oil pastels against cream colored paper, with yellow daffodils growing from the building. Xavier set aside the flowers that sprung from out the page.
The next day, after checking his email (something something newsletter about rehabilitated outcasts) and writing the details of the event, he printed out a couple copies and headed to the Weathervane Cafe. He entered the threshold, the scent of fresh coffee beans wafting through the air. But he stopped dead in his tracks when he saw who was brewing the coffee.
There stood Tyler, as tall and lanky as ever, apron tied around his waist and customer service smile plastered on his face as he talked to a customer. It was like seeing a ghost.
Xavier knew rationally that this shouldn't come as a shock. He read about the program for reformed outcasts in passing for months now. Truly, he had contemplated the possibility of seeing Tyler again. But it felt so far away. It was all too close now.
Before the they could make eye contact, Xavier marched towards the community bulletin board, littered with flyers. Services, events, Xavier was in too much of a rush to examine them.
Xavier attached his printed flyer, his illustration taking up the bottom half of the paper that the informational text did not occupy. Then he added one of the fresh daffodils born from the oil pastels, a pin through the stem. Afterwards, he turned tail, and if Tyler saw him, Xavier didn't give himself time to notice.
Xavier really wanted to talk to him. He would also rather do just about anything else.
*
Xavier and Wednesday were having lunch in the courtyard when he brought up Tyler's return. Their weekly lunches had become routine after a year's slow build to something akin to friendship. Her expression remained characteristically neutral as Xavier informed her. Wednesday's visions had, apparently, been preparing her for months.
"You should say something." she told him matter-of-factly.
"What should I say?" Xavier asked.
"You're old enough to be sent off and make contributions to the military industrial complex, figure that part out yourself. Now if you'll excuse me-"
Wednesday packed up her lunch so swiftly that Xavier almost didn't see it. She'd be off to see Enid, he knew. They'd been attached at the hip since they started officially dating half a year ago. They did each other good, Xavier thought.
He had a burning question for her.
"Do you forgive him?"
Wednesday, who was about to journey off, turned her head towards Xavier.
"Not yet. But I think he has different things to atone for with you."
And with that, she was off.
*
A week passed before Xavier returned to the cafe, his nerves bunched tight like a bundle of sticks.
Nonetheless, he strode to the counter with purpose. Tyler's back was turned, preoccupied with some machinery.
"A double espresso, please." Xavier said.
When the taller boy turned to face Xavier, he looked taken aback, eyes widened. But he quickly let it morph into a nervous smile.
"Xavier! I'm... surprised to see you."
"Could say the same to you." Xavier bit back.
Tyler lowered his head, not making eye contact.
"Good point. Uh, can I get you anything?"
"Double espresso," Xavier retorted, "Already said."
"Right! Well, I'll be on it." Tyler dared to meet Xavier's eyes.
Something twisted in Xavier's chest. The expression Tyler wore was soft, cautious. An irrational part of Xavier's subconscious wanted to reach across the counter and hug him. He remembered years past. The late night chats, whispered secrets, and a handful of times, discreet kisses.
Instead he gave a curt nod "Cool."
Tyler grinned in earnest.
"Cool."
*
Xavier came in a week later. Tyler greeted him with a warm and hesitant expression.
"What brings you here?" he said
"Just wanted to put a flyer up." Xavier responded, he waved it as if to say 'See?'
"Can I see?"
"I mean you work here, so if you need to screen it or something..."
Xavier laid the paper flat on the counter. Tyler squinted his eyes, like he was genuinely examining it. And if that made Xavier cheeks warm, well, he hoped Tyler couldn't pick up on it.
Printed on the flyer was an illustration of a hyper-realistic bee. Mostly shades of black and gray, aside from a few bursts of yellow for the stripes. On top in Xavier's handwriting, it said "Join The Hummers!"
"Wow," Tyler said after what felt to Xavier like an eternity, "You always were really incredible. At the art stuff I mean."
Xavier rubbed the back of his neck. Its a tell he's flustered. And Tyler knew. And Xavier knew Tyler knew.
"Thanks." is all Xavier said.
"The Hummers... that's the bee club, right?" Tyler asked, thumb and forefinger rubbing his chin.
"Yep. Eugene and Wednesday are really passionate about it."
Tyler's face faltered at the mention of Wednesday.
"Is she... doing okay? Wednesday, I mean."
There was a lot Xavier could say. About her controlling her visions. Falling in love. Learning to trust again with the scraps Tyler gave in the rubble of his betrayal. But Xavier was cautious. He held back.
"She's doing great."
Tyler grinned, and it reached his eyes this time.
"Good."
Xavier examined him. Tyler looked so open. A guy Xavier once revered, turned to hate so easily. Was this real?
Before Xavier had a chance to filter himself, he asked the question that had been burning in his mind.
"Are you really reformed?"
Tyler laughed.
"Do I look reformed to you?"
Xavier contemplated this
"I don't know yet."
*
The gaps between days when Xavier visited the cafe became slimmer and slimmer. He didn't always exchange many words with Tyler, sometimes he'd order a double ("Your usual?" Tyler would say) and left it at that.
Xavier can't pretend like his anger and suspicions are at bay. Because the truth is, even if there's no longer this raving monster inside Tyler, there's still the monster that wrecked their relationship freshman year. The one that didn't feed on blood and bone, but made Xavier an inconsolable mess still.
So Xavier expected the worst when he came to the Weathervane Cafe at 3pm, with a sign saying "We're Closed!" hung on the front door. His expectations were even further confirmed when all he saw inside was a shattered coffee pot on the floor.
Xavier pulled the door handle to find it wasn't locked. He took a step inside.
"Anyone in here?" he yelled. In response he heard rustling from the back kitchen.
"Uh..." Tyler said
Xavier walked into the back, half expecting to find something ghastly. He pushed open the door... only to find Tyler shaking and sitting on the floor.
It was unnerving. Xavier had never seen him look like this. Tyler's knees were up against his chest, it seemed as if he was trying to crouch into himself. It made him seem impossibly small despite his towering height.
Xavier had no idea what to do. So he lowered himself to sit next to him. The tiled floor was cold against his palms.
"Hey... are you okay?" Xavier knew it was a stupid question.
"Yeah, it just, uh" he outstretched his arm to show a fresh burn partially covering his wrist.
"Ouch," Xavier winced, "That looks like it stings."
"It does," Tyler laughed emptily "But it wasn't just that it hurt. It was that the pain... reminded me of how it felt. When she, uh, trained me."
Xavier didn't know the details, but had been made aware of the basics by Wednesday.
"Tyler, man, I'm sorry-"
"-No I'm sorry." Tyler interrupts "I'm sorry about what I did to Jericho, to everyone, Jesus, of course I am. But I'm also sorry about what I did to you when we were together I'm. I'm fucked up but I'm trying to do better-"
Xavier noticed the tears welling up in Tyler's eyes and he worked on autopilot. He grabbed the arm Tyler had extended next to him, careful to not touch the burnt section, and clasped his hand.
"-Let me finish." Xavier said, silencing Tyler. "You did unforgivable things. You know you did unforgivable things. But you're hurting, I see that now. I don't know when I'll trust you, but I forgive you, for all the parts I have the right to forgive. And for now, God man, I just wanna see you feel better."
Tyler's face was unreadable. He let the silence hang around them. Xavier almost wanted to start speaking again, before Tyler squeezed his hand and says,
"Thanks."
Xavier's face softened. Then something bright caught his eye.
"Is that a daffodil?"
Tyler's eyes turned as big as saucers. "Yeah uh..." he looked as if he's been caught in the act of doing something unthinkable "It's yours."
Xavier thought a few weeks back. The pinned daffodil to the fundraiser flyer. He hadn't noticed it on the bulletin board after that first day.
"You know, daffodils symbolize rebirth and new beginnings."
"That sounds nice." Tyler hummed.
"Do you want to try that? With us I mean." Xavier asked.
Tyler rested his head against Xavier's shoulder, careful to not unlock their hands.
"That sounds nice."
*
On a Wednesday morning, 4 months later, Xavier walked into the Weathervane Cafe.
He reached the counter and pressed a kiss to the barista's cheek.
"The usual?" Tyler asked.
*