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They took their time. Love and passion came easily once they allowed it, but freedom was something new. On Voyager, command and responsibility had stood between them. New Earth had come with its own constraints due to their isolation. But back home, there were no restrictions, except the ones they placed on themselves.
Kathryn had deliberately waited before visiting Chakotay at his house that first time. Wanting to be sure her motivations were true. That there was no element of rebound. That her heart and mind were strong enough to bear the full weight and intensity of their connection.
So, they took their time. They dated. Dinner at fancy restaurants, theatre performances, long walks along the beach. And then it was dinner at his place, overnight at hers, a romantic weekend getaway to Venice. Until they settled into a routine. During the week she was his, but every other weekend he would give her up, and she would return to her house in San Francisco or Indiana to spend time with her daughter.
At first, he didn't mind, he was happy to have her exclusively when she was available. But after a few months it began to bother him. She had a completely separate life away from him. A family . One that he wasn't part of.
Their relationship existed part of the time, and when they were apart she was learning to become a mother. Forging a bond with another man's child.
And just like that, he knew it wasn't enough. He wanted more from her. He wanted it all. He wanted to be involved in every aspect of her life. Including her relationship with Mia.
Kathryn was holding him at arm's length. He knew her intentions were pure; she didn't want to force anything too soon. But he was ready. Ready to love her child as if his own.
So he'd been biding his time. Telling her in his own subtle ways. Reassuring her of his devotion and commitment. Asking her for details of her time with Mia. Suggesting ways in which he could be involved.
"What are your plans with Mia this weekend?" He tried to sound casual, but an element of sadness had been squeezing at his heart for the last few weeks, which was becoming increasingly difficult to ignore.
Kathryn was packing her bag in his bedroom. Each time she visited she took up a little more space in his home and took back a little less, but it still didn't feel like enough.
"I was thinking about the planetarium, maybe the park if the weather is good."
"Sounds nice," he commented neutrally.
Sensing that something was off, she shot him a quizzical look. His increased attention and focus towards the time she spent with her child had not gone unnoticed. But he had become melancholy during her last few departures. Kathryn knew he was keen to make introductions, but part of her was worried at the old wounds they might inadvertently open up in the process. She knew he felt it too. Toed around the subject with great delicacy.
Chakotay opted to ignore the unspoken question and changed the topic. "I'm hoping to complete the plastering in the back bedroom. Once I'm done, I'll need your help to choose a paint colour."
The home renovations had stalled a little since Kathryn had re-entered his life. Not that he was complaining in the slightest. Because it also afforded him small opportunities to invite her influence on the process. Perhaps make this a home for her also.
She returned her attention to folding clothing into her duffel. "Who's the room for?"
He hesitated. The question throwing him off. He knew she meant to ask if he would use it as another guest room or perhaps a study for her to use, but another use for the room came to mind which collapsed all other trains of thought. A room with a crib and a rocking chair, where they might spend unsociable hours in the night and early morning settling a tiny infant.
When he didn't answer right away, she realised her mistake. She put aside her packing and looked up to meet his gaze, the lost look in his expression confirming what he was thinking. They weren't ready to talk about that yet.
Even so, the topic had been touched upon now, and she refused to cower away and avoid it. Avoid him.
"Do you ever think about it?"
Chakotay let out a shuddery breath. "I haven't for a while," he admitted, "Not out there, when we couldn't..."
But what he doesn’t tell her is that now, he’s started to think about it again. Since coming home. Since Mia. He’s thought more often about the stasis chamber now housed at Starfleet medical.
Kathryn nodded with understanding but couldn't find the words to respond.
"I'm happy if it's only ever the two of us," he continued carefully, sensitively, wanting to give her the reassurance that this wasn't a make-or-break decision for them. It was something they would face together. He'd been hoping to put off the conversation a while longer, but it would be cruel to ignore now it had come up.
Kathryn looked away. "There's no rush to make a decision," she said softly, reminding him as much as she was herself.
He put his hands in his pockets, "I know."
"And if we decided not to... It would mean adoption. Could you live with that?"
Giving their unborn child up for adoption? Chakotay gave her a steady look. "I could," he assured her.
There was no way he would pressure her to go through a pregnancy and raise his child if it wasn't something she wanted. A bitterness rose to his throat; in a way that's what Justin had inadvertently forced her into with Mia. By using her frozen eggs to make a child in her absence. But she was rising to it. Excelling at motherhood. It would be a difficult notion to accept that she would be a mother to Justin's child, and not his own. It wouldn't be easy, but he would swallow his pride for her. There's nothing he wouldn't do for this woman.
Kathryn lifted her bag to her shoulder and crossed the room, stopping beside him to give his arm a gentle squeeze. "I'll be back Monday evening," she promised, "Maybe we can talk about it some more then?"
"I'd like that," he covered her hand, but let her go when she pulled away. This wasn't a conversation he wanted to rush. They needed time to talk it through properly, and consider each other carefully.
He followed her to the front door. She hesitated. "Mia isn't a replacement," she told him, unnecessarily, he knew that already. But maybe it wasn't him she was trying to convince.
"Have a nice weekend," he encouraged her.
Kathryn hesitated in the doorway, not wanting to leave with this hanging over them.
She made a snap decision. Something she had been putting off for a while now. At first because it was new and uncertain, but recently because she was worried about upsetting the dynamic. "Would you like to meet Mia? Join us for lunch at my house tomorrow?"
His heart stilled. Someday , he had told her once, when friendship had been all they thought was left. Meeting Mia now would mean something different. It would officiate their relationship; bring them into the open. His very acceptance would signal what he wanted from their future together. Did he want to integrate every part of their lives, or was he willing to accept just part of her?
Everything. He had once asked her for it all, on Voyager, and she had rebutted him. At first denying him completely, and then later, inviting him to her bed, but holding her heart completely out of reach.
And now, at this moment, it was Kathryn offering him every part of her. And it was more complicated than ever. Accepting this woman, also meant accepting her child.
He didn't need to think this one over. "Yes."
********
"Chakotay will be joining us for lunch tomorrow,"
Justin's heart fell. Kathryn wasn't asking him for permission, she was informing him as a courtesy. "I see," he said simply, trying desperately not to let her see the hurt. The gentle hand she placed on his arm told him he had failed miserably to mask his feelings.
"It's only lunch," she assured him, trying to be sensitive to his feelings. Their break-up had been amicable, but he had struggled with her choice to take up with Chakotay. He had grown a beard since their separation, well maintained and sculpted, but a silent protest, believing she wasn’t fond of the facial feature. Despite his best efforts though, she thought he actually looked quite handsome with it, although she would never admit that to him.
"But it's not just lunch, and he's not just anyone," Justin countered carefully.
"I can't lead two separate lives," she felt the need to justify herself.
"I know," he agreed, keeping his voice low so that Mia wouldn't hear them. "None of this is how I pictured your return... It's taking some getting used to."
"What would you have done if I'd returned from the Delta Quadrant with a husband and child?" The question was more forward than she'd intended, but it cut loose after playing in the back of her mind for a while.
He looked a little shaken by the implication. "Was that a possibility?"
Kathryn's jaw set. In truth she had refused a relationship to focus on duty, refused to risk a pregnancy or raise a child in the Delta Quadrant. Those were luxuries the ship's captain couldn't have afforded. But what if the Quarren experiment had lasted a little longer? Or a quiet lull in space had convinced her to take a gamble with her first officer? "Possibly," she answered. "What if that's something which happens for either one of us in the future?"
Justin stilled. Being with anyone but Kathryn was a remote and distant thought for him. Having a second child with someone else was even more unfathomable.
"You and Chakotay are considering starting a family." He easily surmised. And then she glanced away, refusing to meet his eyes, and his gut twisted. "You've already started," he suddenly felt numb, but no, he sensed it was more than that... "You're pregnant."
"No," she said quickly and then paused, "It's complicated, but I'm not pregnant."
Justin's jaw set, " Yet ."
She reached out for his hand, but he pulled away before she could reach him.
"Mia, sweetheart," he called over his shoulder, "Kathryn's ready to go."
"I can't find Flotter," Mia complained.
Justin ran a frustrated hand through his hair, but it wasn't his daughter who had flustered him. Without looking back at Kathryn he went to the rear of the house to help search for the toy, emerging a minute later with a blue plush toy and a delighted squeal from Mia. "He was sleeping in the fruit basket," he explained, tapping the toy playfully on her head before returning it to her hold.
Kathryn took Mia's hand, and lifted the bag by the door. "It's just lunch," she reminded him as she stepped away from the porch.
Justin folded his arms defensively over his chest, and watched the mother and his child walk away from him.
********
Chakotay carefully balanced his case in one hand and two paper bags in his other arm as he walked up the steps to Kathryn's house. He hadn't felt this combination of apprehension and excitement for a while.
It's just lunch, he reminded himself, this is Kathryn and Justin's daughter, you're just the boyfriend.
Usually, he would have let himself in with his key, but he decided on this occasion to ring the doorbell. Kathryn answered looking flustered, but an infectious smile spread across her face. "We're currently exploring the caves on Mars," she explained, helping him with both paper bags.
He grinned, "Encountered any Martians yet?"
"Not yet," she laughed over her shoulder.
He toed the door closed and followed her through to the kitchen, where she placed the bags on the counter and started to snoop through them. "Hey," he snatched one bag from under her nose, "That one's not for you."
Kathryn raised an eyebrow, and turned her attention to the contents of the other. "I hope this is at least for me?" She enquired, lifting out a bottle of wine.
He kissed her on the lips, "For later," he agreed.
She stuck it in the fridge, along with the fresh vegetables, cheese, and olives. She shot him a curious look.
"I thought we could make pizza with Mia," he explained.
She looked genuinely delighted and amused at the suggestion. "I see you're not willing to allow culinary skills to bypass another generation of Janeway women."
Chakotay let out a chuckle, "not a chance."
Hearing shouts from the other room, Kathryn grabbed his hand and led him through to the living room. "Mia," she called out, "Chakotay's here if you'd like to say hello."
Chakotay stopped still in the doorway. He had made countless visits to Kathryn's quarters over the years, both planned and unplanned. They had lived together for three months alone on a distant planet. And they had spent almost every day and night together over the last six months. Never, in the eight years had he known her, had he ever seen even a jacket out of place in her living space.
It looked like a bomb had hit the room.
The couch cushions had been removed to create a dome structure in the centre of the area. The cosy throw usually on the armchair had been stretched between the dome and the sofa arm.
They had quite literally recreated the caves on Mars, he realised.
A small head popped out from the structure, regarding him carefully, curiously. Spirits , she was just a smaller version of Kathryn. Recovering quickly, he intentionally caught her eye, "hello Mia."
She quickly disappeared back into the 'caves'.
"Chakotay has a gift for you," Kathryn coaxed her daughter, dropping to the den entrance, "I think it's a friend for Flotter."
That seemed enough to catch the child's attention as she slowly emerged and made herself available for introductions. Chakotay knelt down to give her the toy, which she happily accepted.
"Trevis is hoping to join your adventure on Mars," Chakotay said softly.
Mia offered him a shy smile in exchange. And the echo of Kathryn's smile in the little girl's face he knew would be his undoing from that point.
Back on his home world he had grown up surrounded by children. He had been expected to perform childcare within his community during his adolescent years. However, since his Starfleet career had begun over three decades ago, he had had very little contact with children. Several months in Dorvan with his nephews had loosened those joints, and the joy of child rearing was coming back to him.
After an initial few awkward moments with Mia, he found some common ground by involving himself in her expedition, quickly aligning himself to her exploration party.
He was exhausted from crawling around on the floor well before they attempted to make lunch, and by mid-afternoon he was more than happy to sit on the couch with Mia and watch some holovids.
Kathryn joined them with a coffee, giving him an odd look as she settled on the armchair across from them. He made a note to question her about it later. In the meantime, he resigned himself to relax.
Later, when the front door chimed for entry, Chakotay felt instantly on edge, knowing who it would be.
"Mia, Daddy's here," Kathryn encouraged her daughter to get ready to leave.
The girl jumped up excitedly. Running to the door. Kathryn brushed Chakotay's shoulder as she passed, conveying support and energy through to him.
Deciding against cowering away in the living space, Chakotay made his way as far as the hallway, hovering in the doorway to watch the interaction.
Mia ran easily into Justin's arms, squealing with delight as he lifted and spun her around. Replacing her on the floor with a sweet kiss to her cheek. "I've missed you," he declared.
Mia started to list off everything she had done that weekend with Kathryn.
"Okay, okay," Justin laughed, "We've got an entire ride home for you to fill me in."
The other man finally looked past his daughter to see Chakotay standing there and gave him a short nod of acknowledgement.
Noticing the exchange, Kathryn turned to reintroduce them, but Justin waved her off. "It's fine. I remember Chakotay."
She hesitated a moment, before making a quick decision. "I'll just take Mia up to grab her overnight bag," she explained, and then, under her breath to Justin she muttered: "Be civil."
Justin gave her a scout's salute and quirked up an eyebrow.
Kathryn and Mia disappeared up the stairs, leaving Justin and Chakotay alone for the first time.
Justin tucked his hands into his pockets as he rocked on his heel.
"How was the journey to San Francisco?" Chakotay made polite conversation.
"Twenty minutes door to door," he shrugged. "Nothing eventful.
"How was lunch?" He asked after a beat.
"Nice."
A silence passed between them.
In Chakotay's entire life, he had only had to deal with an ex-partner of someone he was dating on a small handful of occasions. Never had he been in a situation where it was important to create any kind of rapport with said individual. He tried not to let the pressure get to him.
"Mia's a wonderful child," Chakotay commented, "I can tell she's really loved."
Justin nodded, "She is," he agreed. Then he looked Chakotay in the eye, dead serious. "I love them both, very much."
The warning was there. Clear.
Before Chakotay could mount a response, noise from the stairs alerted them to an imminent interruption. They both shifted. Chakotay tensed whilst Justin relaxed. Kathryn noticed the subtle exchange, but consciously held herself back from commenting.
And then Mia and Justin were gone, and the house was suddenly sapped of energy. Kathryn and Chakotay tidied up in silence as they returned the rooms to a sense of adult normality.
"It's quiet without Mia," Chakotay noted.
Kathryn glanced over her shoulder as she put away the building blocks. "It takes me a while to adjust once she's gone," she confessed.
Realisation suddenly dawned, "Is that why you usually spend the following night by yourself?"
"You noticed?"
"I didn't understand why. I thought maybe it was just to recover from running around all day. But it's more than that, right?"
Kathryn avoided his gaze, "It takes me a while to change pace... The house feels so empty without Mia."
He couldn't disagree. "Do you regret walking away from the chance of a nuclear family?"
Her brief guilty glance in his direction wasn't the instant rebuff he'd expected. "I'll admit on Sunday evenings I usually have some doubts… not about you, or about us, but I miss Mia terribly." She was honest. "And then I spend the night missing you in my bed, and I see your face the following day, and although this is difficult, I know this is the right choice, for all of us."
That was the right answer. He crossed over to her and took her in his hold, her forearms coming up to rest against his chest. He placed a kiss on her lips.
"Thank you," he whispered.
Kathryn gave him a questioning look.
"For inviting me into this part of your life." He explained with complete sincerity.
She raised a hand to affectionately stroke his cheek. "I haven't scared you off?"
His expression turned serious. "Not a chance. I want to share every part of life with you."
She accepted his words with a soft smile.
-
They ordered in for dinner, the mood too melancholy to find the energy to eat out. As Chakotay set the table with her, he finally braved asking about her pensive look earlier, as he and Mia had watched those holovids.
"They were good thoughts," she assured him.
Chakotay plated up the stir fry noodles. "Sorry, I didn't mean to pry," he apologised when he realised she didn't want to share her private thoughts. He didn't need to know everything on her mind.
Kathryn hesitated. "It was a strange sight. Seeing you with my daughter. I couldn't help imagining you as a father; what you might be like."
He rested a hand on her elbow and offered her a generous smile.
Her expression fell. "Our child would have only been a few months younger... It's a difficult pill to swallow, that I gave that up, denied that from you. Mia would have had a playmate."
"No," he said firmly, "I'm not doing this. I'm not dwelling on what might have been." Kathryn looked tense at his tone, but he refused to back down. "We made the best choice we could. We weren't in a relationship at the time... Hell, some days we barely spoke to each other, especially the days after I'd been in your bed. Let alone provide the foundations to raise a child."
Kathryn's toes curled at the memories. Of fucking each other senseless at night, and being unable to look him in the eye come morning. Her logs claim it had started out of jealousy, but she had no memory of the woman other than a handwritten note which she couldn't remember writing.
"You were in a terrible place. I wasn't as good a man as you needed and deserved. We were the commanding officers of a ship stranded, alone, on the other side of the galaxy. Where hostilities lay around every corner. I'm not revisiting that decision, and neither are you."
She looked away, tears threatening to overwhelm her.
On Voyager this would have been the moment she would have asked him to leave. Suppressed her emotions. Pulled rank if he pushed back. But not anymore. Now she was just a woman, and he was a man who loved her. And they wouldn't go back to old habits.
Chakotay took her in his arms as she cried. He hadn't meant to bring this up just yet, but spending time with her child made this unavoidable. Both of them had emotions running high and close to the surface.
He placed a kiss on her temple, and held onto her tightly, as if he would never let her go again.
He needed her to know that this didn't define them. That he wouldn't let it overshadow their future.
They were both flawed individuals. The Delta Quadrant had brought out sides to them which they couldn't unsee, and they had hurt each other badly as a result. But he was determined that nothing was unforgivable. They were finding their way through their past, and they would be stronger for it.
Chakotay kissed her. Tentatively at first, testing her reaction. She was surprised but didn't pull away. Through his next kiss he tried to convey how much she meant to him. All the little ways he loved and appreciated her. His tongue danced with hers, and she let out a sigh which reverberated through both their bodies.
One hand cupped around her face, wiping tears away with his thumb, whilst another palm traced the contours of her body.
She was magnificent.
Dinner was forgotten.
He pulled back to watch the expressions cross her face. Sadness. Joy. Acceptance.
This woman had given up the picture perfect family in exchange for this. All his mistakes, the painful memories, an uncertain future. Was he selfish to have pulled her back into this? Was she crazy to have accepted? Maybe. None of it made sense. Could their love really be that powerful that they were both willing to walk away from good people to take a chance on one another? It was certainly playing out that way.
Chakotay took her hand and led her up to the bedroom. They made it as far as the landing before pulling each other into a passionate kiss, pausing at the top of the stairs to run hands and lips over one another.
Love and passion came easy between them. Intimacy was something they were still exploring in all its depths.
He pulled back, deliberately placing his hands against the wall on either side of her. Breathing heavy. His focus on her absolute. "I'm going to make love to you." It was halfway between a declaration and a warning.
Desire rang through her body at his words. She bit her lip in anticipation. "Alright," she agreed softly.
Chakotay shook his head, intensified his lock on her eyes, "I want you to understand, that even when we were at our worst, this act has always been with love."
Kathryn traced the lines on his face, his tattoo, with her fingertips. "This wasn't just lunch, was it?"
He grinned. She was finally understanding. They both were. "No," he admitted, "I don't think it was."
When he next placed his lips to her, to her neck, working up along her jawbone and finally claiming her lips, he did it with such care and delicacy she could have cried.
He slipped her out of her dress, hands following intricate paths along her soft, porcelain skin. Her weight was slight in his arms as he carried her to the bedroom, laying her body down onto the mattress. She let out a contented sigh when he joined alongside and held her body close to his.
Between deep kisses and wandering touches, they took their time undressing. There wasn't any rush. There never was. Not when they had all the time in the world to thoroughly explore each other.
"Sit on me," he half-whispered, half-demanded.
Assuming his impatience, Kathryn moved to straddle his waist.
"Not there," he said.
She met his eyes, and shot him a questioning look. There was determination in his face but also an edge of vulnerability. Instinctively she knew exactly what he wanted. That wasn't something they had done before. Chakotay was usually a selfless lover, putting her pleasure and needs above his own, but most often he was in control; a contrast to their command. What he was asking her to do, would place himself completely at her mercy. It was an incredibly sweet and intimate invitation, as well as being unbelievably sexy.
Are you sure?” she pressed.
He nodded with absolute certainty.
Who was she to argue?
Placing both palms on his chest, she gave him one last kiss, before changing position completely and sandwiching his head between her thighs.
"Tell me if I start to suffocate you," she quite genuinely warned.
"I would die a happy man," he breathed, and she didn’t think he was joking. He immediately lifted his head the last inch to taste her with his mouth.
Kathryn let out an involuntary gasp. Pleasantly shocked by the feel of his mouth circling around her vulva, sucking and chewing, before feeling his tongue darting into her entrance.
"Good God Chakotay," it was part admonishment, part prayer. What this man could do to her.
His agreeable murmur only worked to intensify the wonderful sensation between her legs.
Two large hands came up to grip her hips, pulling her closer. "Chakotay, I'm going to crush you," she complained.
In response, he intensified his hold, and redoubled his efforts with his tongue.
Relinquishing herself to his request, she allowed herself to come undone by him. To enjoy the ripples running up through her core. Gliding her own hands down his chest, and thighs, 'accidentally' brushing against his tip. At his approving moan, she repeated the action. Again. His erection twitched in response. Again.
And then she was leaning forward, bracing hands on the mattress as she took his tip into her mouth. Teasing at first. Her tongue gliding around his head, the taste of his pre-cum tantalising, driving her further forward.
"Kathryn, you don't have to-" he drew his head back just far enough to mount a brief protest, but she engulfed more of his length in response. Silencing any efforts, he might make to stop her.
The hand which caressed along her thigh from ass to knee and back again was the grateful response she needed, to know he was equally enjoying himself.
Kathryn took almost his full length into her mouth, to the back of her throat, circling the areas she couldn't quite reach with thumb and fingers.
Chakotay writhed on the bed beneath her, as she ground against his tongue and mouth. She would have quite happily sucked him off all night, taking orgasm after orgasm from his persistent cunnilingus. But after a couple of accidental sharp thrusts into her throat, he forcefully rolled her away from him.
"No," he called out breathlessly, moving quickly out of her grasp.
She shot him a look of faux innocence, "You started that," her pointed reply giving way to a knowing grin.
Taking a moment to steady himself. "I'm not coming in your mouth tonight ."
He wrote a blank cheque for future possibilities, she silently noted.
Regarding her deeply, he reached for her hands and pulled her carefully towards him. When they were kneeling on the mattress before one another he reached a hand to the back of her head, threading a hand through her hair and closing the gap between their mouths. He kissed her passionately, with every feeling he had ever felt for her in the last eight years since he'd met her on that bridge.
This was a man who loved deeply, passionately and without restraint. He'd spent the best part of all their years together waiting for permission to show her what he was capable of.
And then he was inviting her onto his lap. Face to face. Stomach to stomach. Lips level and eyes focussed.
"With me," he whispered the words she had heard a hundred times already. A look on the bridge at crunch time. The unspoken sentiment as he'd begged her to see reason. Through actions during the most intense of their loving-making. Out loud when he'd held her hand in sickbay.
"Always," she promised, as she took his shaft deep into her core.
They arched into each other at the feel of their joining. His hands braced behind him, hers wrapped around his shoulders. She took the lead with their next kiss, Chakotay submitting to her, following the pace she was setting with her hips.
There were plenty of times Chakotay had confused sex with love, but Kathryn was the only woman he had ever experienced complete synchrony between the two.
Right from the start it had always been more than a casual flirtation, beyond simple attraction. He'd intentionally held himself back, at first out of respect, and then because she'd asked him to. It was when she'd asked him for one without the other that he'd faltered. Pulled away. Encouraged her to seek out satisfaction elsewhere. On the holodeck. Alien men. To give his body to her, also meant sharing his heart. He couldn't give her only part of him. It was all or nothing.
The position limited their control. But they persevered. Sacrificing bliss for intimacy. What they lacked in easy completion, they gained through delayed gratification.
Chakotay confessed all the ways he loved her. From the irritable look if she'd missed a cup of coffee, to her wan smile when something pleasantly surprised her. His heart swelled at hearing all the things she noticed and appreciated. The safe and warm feeling of his arms around her. His dimples. The way he always seemed to know just what she needed.
They weren't just loving. They were healing.
When Kathryn started to come, she chased down the orgasm. Increasing her speed and intensity, clamping down around him. He wasn't entirely sure who came first. They were wet, and sweaty, and sliding desperately against one another. And long after they'd finished, they continued to ride it out. Enjoying the closeness.
-
It was later that evening once he'd had a chance to reflect on their day that he finally aired his most precious thought. "I would like to become a father," he told her as they lay together that night. Sated from thorough lovemaking.
Kathryn was still trying to catch her breath from the intensity of what they'd just shared. She stilled at his words, he sounded confident and assured, as if he had come to a final decision. His certainty was comforting.
"But only if that’s something you want,” he added, shifting slightly so he could meet her gaze. “I don’t need this, but I do need you. I know we will be happy either way."
"Chakotay," she whispered, hesitantly. "I'm sorry that I couldn't give that to you four years ago. When-"
He silenced her with a kiss. "This has always been your choice," he assured her. "It's always been my responsibility to support that."
She cradled his face in her hands, studying him carefully. It was clear he was absolute in his commitment to her, and by extension, the possibility of a child. His love for her, already reaching out towards Mia; he would love his own child without reservation also.
If she was going to do this with anyone, it would be him. It had always been him. In truth, she had known her own heart’s desire for a long time, but she’d held back for his benefit; wanting to give him the final say in a matter for which up until now, he had had so little voice.
"Okay," she gave her agreement.
His heart leapt up into his chest, with unrestrained joy. "You're sure?"
She nodded, "Yes. I would like to experience this from the beginning. To finish what we unintentionally started."
Chakotay swallowed hard. "I know the Doctor said there are some risks. I just want you to know, that if it's not this child, or we decided to try again, or if it's only Mia, I'm committed to making my family with you."
Spirits, this man. She thought silently to herself. He was every bit perfect. Rounding off the edges of all her perceived failings. He was the same man she had fallen in love with all those years ago on New Earth. Returned to her. It made her realise how much the Delta Quadrant had affected him. The long-term damage that pushing him away had had on their relationship. No wonder he had married Seven in that alternate future. The man just wanted to feel loved, and if she couldn't have given that to him, he had every right to claim that elsewhere.
But now was their time. Their chance. And they would make the best of it together.
Love came easy, once they allowed it. Loving their child would be easier still.