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“Susan, you know, it’s okay if you want to go in there by yourself.”
Susan’s brow furrowed as she dug through her bag, although it wasn’t clear whether her frustration was with Kerry’s statement or the fact that she couldn’t find a hair clip.
“What? Aha!” Finally, she found it. She looked to Kerry as she twisted her hair up and clipped it into place, fluffing her bangs for moment.
Susan continued, “Kerry, what do you mean? We came here together, didn’t we?”
Kerry shifted, rustling the gift bag at her side. “You know what I mean,” she sighed. “I’m not exactly…”
“Exactly what?”
It was hard to tell Susan the truth when she was giving her that confused puppy look that she wore so well, especially when the truth was that Kerry felt like vomiting at the thought of walking into this Christmas party. But here she was, on Mark Greene’s front porch carrying a ridiculously sparkly gift bag; it would be a wonder if her coat wasn’t covered in glitter by the end of the night.
She had to bite the bullet.
“Susan, you barely liked me-“
“You’re my girlfriend!”
Kerry gave her a look and Susan pursed her lips but quieted down.
“You barely liked me until this year. I know I’m not the most personable attending sometimes. I just meant that it’s alright if you’d rather go to this little…” She waved a hand, “…Christmas… shindig by yourself.”
The blonde’s eyes narrowed at her girlfriend.
“So what? I like you, they’ll like you. They’ll get over it.”
“But-“
“And I don’t appreciate you trying to get out of this because you have problems with Mark or whoever. They’re my friends, you know.”
“What? That’s not it, I-“
Before Kerry could finish, Susan looked her dead in the eyes and pressed down on the doorbell. The sound of footsteps approaching the front door forced Kerry to cut herself short. The look in her eyes said We’ll finish this later.
A still-laughing Mark Greene opened the door.
“Susan! And… Kerry!” He said stiltedly, maybe from alcohol. Maybe. Susan smiled tightly. She reached for Kerry’s hand, but settled for a pat on her shoulder– the gift stood in the way.
“Yep,” Susan said. “We’re not late, are we?”
“No, no, everyone else was just early. Come in, will you, it’s freezing out here.”
Susan let her hand fall and brushed past Mark to enter the house. Kerry trailed behind like the silent, dejected girlfriend she was.
The living room was a bustle of activity and red-green light; glasses of eggnog littered various surfaces and hands, those of which included Doug Ross, Carol Hathaway, and Elizabeth Corday, among other faces that frequented the emergency room. Susan hung her coat on an overloaded coat rack and silently held out her hand for Kerry’s. She looked down awkwardly before glancing at Mark.
“Uh, where should I put this?” She asked, holding up their Secret Santa contribution. Mark shuffled forward to take it.
“I’ll just put it in the kitchen until we’re all ready.”
Relieve of the gaudy reindeer sack, Kerry removed her coat and placed it in Susan’s still-waiting hand. Even miffed at her, the small gesture made Kerry’s heart flutter. But her silence made her stiffen.
Still, Susan was stubborn, and she knew Kerry had a point. While no one would say it directly, it was a given that it would be at least a little tense with Kerry there. Not for lack of trying– Kerry had made an effort with the other doctors since becoming closer with Susan– but no one was all the way there yet. Susan was placing her hopes on the magic of Christmas and all that.
A clearly tipsy Elizabeth waved them over. Susan gripped Kerry’s free hand and beamed like nothing was wrong.
“Hello, you too,” Elizabeth giggled. “We’re all having a drink, won’t you have one?”
Susan and Kerry eyed the pitcher and red solo cups on the coffee table. Susan plopped down in an empty seat on the sofa while Kerry lowered herself carefully beside her– She was grateful for the buffer between her and Doug Ross in the form of her girlfriend. Girlfriend. It was still a strange word to use. Kerry hadn’t had so much as a boyfriend in recent years, much less a partner that was a little more difficult to introduce. Susan made it easier to be afraid, but she was far from fearless.
“I’ll take some.”
Elizabeth poured Susan a heaping cup of eggnog and then collapsed comfortably next to Carol who, ever-polite, was smiling expectantly at the pair across from her.
“Kerry, I’m glad you came,” she told them, “Susan said she wasn’t sure if you’d make it.”
“Oh?” Kerry eyed Susan briefly. “Well, uh, I’m glad I could make it too. Seems like you guys have already gotten the party started though.”
“Just a few drinks. Can you believe Elizabeth had never had eggnog before? Brits.”
“It’s nothing to do with my being from England, I’d just never had it! Although I’ll say it gets better after you’ve had quite a bit.”
“You’d know, wouldn’t you?” Doug jibed. Elizabeth rolled her eyes and then visibly brightened as Mark re-entered the room.
“Did I miss anything?” He asked. Elizabeth scoffed.
“Just Carol bullying me. Oh! Kerry, I’ve been meaning to ask you,” She scooted to the side as she and Carol made room for Mark to sit, “Is that your natural hair color? Like…”
Susan gaped. “Elizabeth!”
“What?” The surgeon looked genuinely confused, looking around to room for reassurance. Then the implication seemed to dawn on her.
“Oh! Oh, no I’m not asking anything dirty, I just meant we’re both redheads but yours looks so different from mine and- Will you all stop looking at me like that?!”
Everyone erupted into raucous laughter while Elizabeth melted into a blushing mess, Mark half-heartedly comforting her. Kerry couldn’t help herself from laughing either, surprised at the ease she felt with doing so.
“Yeah, it’s natural,” she said through her giggles. “I guess it’s a difference in genetics or something.”
“Really? I’ve just always thought your color looked incredible, so I wondered.”
It was then that Kerry took note of Susan’s mildly surprised look at her, eyebrows raised and lips quirked up in a smile. She gently ruffled the back of Kerry’s hair– a rare public display of affection. Kerry’s cheeks flushed a deep pink.
“She does have great hair, doesn’t she?” Susan mused.
The topic of conversation fizzled out after a moment, flowing into something about who made the pitcher of drink. Kerry felt a modicum of tension melt from her body; at least no one was acting like they didn’t want her there. That and it was always nice to feel like she looked good.
A few minutes later, there was a gentle squeeze on Kerry’s elbow. A pair of lips brushed against the shell of her ear.
“Follow me to the kitchen?”
Kerry inhaled, shivering at Susan’s breath fanning across her skin, before she nodded.
“Uh-huh. Need something?”
“Just follow me.” Susan pulled away and turned back to the group.
“Are there snacks in the kitchen? I’m starving.”
“Oh, yeah,” Mark said, “There’s a tray of pretzel sticks and some cookies or something. You can bring them out if you want.”
“Alright. Kerry?”
She held out her hand, steadying Kerry as she stood. The kitchen met them with the aroma of cinnamon and sugar, sweet but comforting. Genuinely hungry, Susan made a beeline for a plate of sugar cookies by the stove while Kerry sat at the island.
“Everything okay…?” Kerry asked warily. Susan’s perked up, mouth full of cookie and icing, as if just remembering what she dragged Kerry in here for.
She swallowed hurriedly, holding the treat out at her side before she moved to press a kiss to Kerry’s temple. She sighed, contented.
“I’m sorry,” Susan whispered. The other woman smiled with mirth.
“It’s alright. I’m sorry too.”
Susan shook her head and leaned against the counter. “No, you shouldn’t be. I know you’re trying with them. I shouldn’t have been so snappy.”
Kerry searched for a way to reassure her, tell her there was no need to apologize, but it felt nice to be vindicated in her feelings. That, and recognized in her efforts to be friendly with their coworkers. Instead, Kerry nodded.
“Thank you.” She gave Susan’s arm a squeeze. “Is that what you brought me in here to tell me?”
And then Susan grinned a wide, cheesy grin that crinkled her eyes. She cupped Kerry’s cheeks and and planted a noisy kiss on her lips.
“They like you!” She whisper yelled, bouncing on the balls of her feet. Kerry rolled her eyes good-naturedly.
“Susan…”
“I mean it! Or at least more than you think. It’s not nearly as awkward as i figured!”
She said the last part like it was an achievement rather than the bare minimum she could have expected. Still, her childlike excitement made it impossible to at least somewhat match her energy.
“Well, it hasn’t been that long. Give it an hour and a few drinks,” Kerry joked. Now it was Susan’s turn to roll her eyes. She punctuated the action with one last kiss, this one between Kerry’s brows.
“Shush and let me celebrate. I want you kids to get along.”
She went back to her cookie just as Carol was poking her head into the kitchen.
“Everyone’s wanting to start the Secret Santa exchange in a few. You guys okay with that?”
“Sounds good,” Susan agreed around a bite of food. It took a moment before Kerry realized Carol was looking to her, too.
“Yeah, sounds good,” she parroted her girlfriend. “Did you want some help gathering the gifts?”
Carol looked at the large assortment of boxes and gift bags in the corner of the kitchen before smiling conspiratorially.
“Nah, I’ll have the boys get them. But bring out those cookies will you? I need something to soak up all the rum.”
Susan hoisted up the plate of sugar cookies and nodded toward the entryway, waiting for Kerry to go with her. With the warm pressure of the redhead’s hand in hers, she all of a sudden felt much better about this silly little Christmas shindig.