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Colorful lights flashed to the rhythm of some classic Christmas songs, painting Wooyoung with a mosaic of brilliant colors as he wiggled to the beat. Whether he was so cold that he couldn’t stop moving or he just really liked Jingle Bells remained a mystery to San. As did the smile that had been on Wooyoung’s face the entire night. Five hours of walking, over a thousand sculptures, a million or so twinkling lights, and Wooyoung was still the most beautiful thing he’d seen in that transformed garden.
Less than 5 minutes into their venture San had decided Wooyoung was worth all the trouble. Heck, he was sure of it before they even got there. Getting the tickets two months in advance, paying for overpriced hot chocolate, freezing his butt off…he’d do it all again just to see him smile. But there was still a pit in his chest, caused by the nagging pressure to tell him the truth.
“Sannie! Sannie, we only have an hour left til closing! What haven’t we seen?”
“Woo, you’re shivering. We don’t have to see all of it –”
“What are you talking about? Yes we do. Or,” Woo pouted, “are you cold? We can go if you’re too cold. I didn’t mean to –”
“No! I’m fine. I was just making sure –”
“I mean, I’m a popsicle. But I can take it.”
“Me too,” San said with a smile as he pulled out the crinkled map. “Now, there’s the rose garden, the castle, and the evergreen forest is on the way out.”
Woo rested his chin over the top of the map and playfully looked up at San, “Where’s the pirate ship?”
“With the castle,” San pointed.
“Okay okay let's go.”
Wooyoung jumped up and down, probably both frozen and excited as he grabbed San’s hand. If it were possible, the spark of feeling his hand in his warmed him up enough to brave the next hour in the cold. He crammed the map back into his coat pocket and awaited the view ahead: the look of excitement on Woo’s face when he spotted the next attraction.
Giddy as can be, Wooyoung skipped along the concrete paths of the light-saturated botanic garden. As much as San wanted to be lost in the beauty of that luminous wonderland, the pain of his unrequited love refused to let him rest. A near-life-sized pirate ship made of lights was nothing without Wooyoung’s eyes to admire it. A garden of twinkling roses lacked any meaning without Wooyoung’s smile to rival their perfection. A hundred colors, a thousand lanterns, a million lights; without Wooyoung, it would have meant nothing.
Before he knew it, they were making their way to the final display. He didn’t care how cold he was or how long they’d been there. He’d bear the most grueling, frigid weather for days on end if it meant Wooyoung would occasionally reach for his hand or hold onto his arm. He memorized the feeling of his palm nuzzled in his as they wandered through a world of lights. Surrounded by a forest of uniquely decorated Christmas trees, he watched Wooyoung revel in the endless joy fixed on the branches. The crowds had cleared by then, so close to midnight. Even though he had cherished every single second of it, San still felt like somehow he’d missed out on something. Wooyoung still wasn’t his.
“Oh! Oo! Sannie! Look. That one has snowflakes!” Wooyoung cheered as he whipped around and pointed, “And that one has icicles!”
“Beautiful.”
“What was your favorite thing we saw tonight? I liked the brachiosaurus. And the lantern garden. And the guitar strings that changed color with the music. What about you?”
It took him giving in to the sobering cold not to whisper a broken: you. San sniffled, “I liked the jungle. And the castle.”
“Oh, the castle was awesome! I wonder if they do weddings. Wouldn’t that be amazing?”
The impossible fantasy that entered San’s head was finally enough to pull tears to his eyes. “It would be,” his voice cracked and he cleared his throat, “so amazing.”
Wooyoung sighed, pulling his gaze from the lights above them and settling on San. He walked over to him and took hold of his frozen hands. They were both so cold their skin hardly felt like skin against each other, but he adored it, nonetheless.
Woo’s crystal eyes caught San’s as he spoke softly, “I’m real sorry your date canceled on you, Sannie. Really. You’ve been down all night. You must really like them.” He took another step, closing the space between them, “But, no offense, I’m glad they canceled. They didn’t deserve to come.”
“What?”
“I mean, come on. You got these tickets, what, like a month ago? They knew it was tonight. How could something just come up that’s more important than this? More important than you.”
San took such a deep breath that the sharp air ached in his lungs. He tried to steady his racing thoughts. He tried to keep his lie contained, but the temptation to tell the truth became a bit too much to handle when faced with Wooyoung’s loving expression. Those pink cheeks. A comically red nose…
“There was no date.”
“What?”
San swallowed the lump in his throat, “Nobody canceled on me. I didn’t have a date. I haven’t been dating for a while.”
“But…you said –”
“I really wanted you to come with me. I just didn’t know how to ask. And – I was afraid you’d say no.”
“Why would I say no? Have I ever turned you down before?”
“This was different. I wanted this to be a date. I wanted this to be a date with you.”
“Why would I say no?” Wooyoung repeated, his voice near-angered with assertion and laced with betrayal. “You should’ve told me.”
“I know. Wooyoung, I’m so sorry. I –”
“I could’ve been a lot less subtle about holding your hand.”
“What –”
“We could’ve switched off which hand we were holding to keep them warm. We could’ve bought one hot cocoa instead of two…”
“You – You wanted this to be a date?”
Wooyoung sighed and crowded into San while he tried to stumble through another question. He hopped to the tips of his toes and hooked his arms around San’s neck. The restriction of their jackets keeping him from the warmth of his body created a new kind of frustration as he pulled Wooyoung against his chest. Nothing could get him close enough.
“Wooyoung?”
“I’m crazy about you, San. I have been for a while. A long while. A really long while.”
“You have no idea. You don’t know what a long while is.”
“Well, you sure do have patience if you really wanted me this whole time.” Wooyoung dropped to his heels and pouted, “I could’ve kissed you by the castle. Or by the lanterns!”
“We wouldn’t have been alone then.”
“We’re alone now.” Wooyoung whispered and glanced at San’s lips, “The trees are nice.”
Burying his frozen fingers in Wooyoung’s hair, San pulled him into a long overdue kiss. The chill buried in his cheeks brushed at the corners of his lips. But the warmth radiating from his mouth welcomed him to fall into an endless comfort. He forced himself into the deepest closeness he could manage. He let his weight fall into Wooyoung, pressing their lips together until they couldn’t possibly reach a deeper connection.
Their foreheads remained in contact even as they pulled away. Their frozen breath caught the light of the trees surrounding them. The very thing he needed and wanted most in the world was finally safe in his arms.
Woo chuckled, “You know, I’m glad you pulled this charade before Christmas. Otherwise, the gift I got you would be a bit overkill.”
San giggled, “Does this mean we’re together now?”
“Now and forever.”