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In a dark alleyway laid a broken doll. It’s eyes were glassy and it’s face was contorted in pain. It was befitting for it to die in a dark and desolate place, the same way it was birthed. With a forlorn smile, it breathe its last breath.
“What am I? Who am I?” The doll often asks itself. “You’re merely a doll made to look like a person.” The doll answered. It wasn’t capable of emotions. It was only capable of following orders. A doll simply exists to obey, not to feel, so why is it that the doll felt broken when it trampled on a doctor’s feelings?
Why does it feel like it’s heart has been pricked by needles? Imposible. It does not have a heart. It does not feel. The doll repeated the mantra it grew up hearing.
The doll followed the orders given, the poor doctor’s family has been taken care of. The doll’s little group has now disbanded, yet why does it feel like it’s drowning?
Another order has been issued. Make a new group. Act normal. Be happy. Smile. The doll obeyed, yet it never imagined that they’ll make him feel human. The doll felt seen. The doll was not considered a doll but a human boy who works hard for their group.
The group made the doll defective. The group made him feel. They made him happy, they made him realize his own worth. He continued living, breathing, enjoying his life, until a new order is issued.
He crossed paths with the doctor once more. The doctor, who he realized, he loved. Thus a new order has been issued. Hurt the doctor once more.
He doesn’t want to obey. He doesn’t want to die. He didn’t know what to do. His team supported him despite being clueless to the boy’s dilemma. With bated breath, he followed his heart. He didn’t want to hurt the doctor, so he didn’t.
Those who owned him was disappointed yet they did not get rid of him. They continued giving him mundane tasks. They let him live.
Until they didn’t. His only way of surviving, his medicines, stopped coming. He can’t live without those damned medicines. He doesn’t know what those medicines contain, he only knows that it keeps him alive.
He made his way to headquarters, looking for answers. He met his fellow dolls and yet he still wasn’t given his lifeblood. He was enraged. He followed every orders given to him except for one.
In a fit of mania, he contacted the doctor. The doctor never replied. Even so, he made his way to the doctor’s residence. He banged on the door in a frantic manner. “Please, help me!” He yelled as he banged. He was desperate. He didn’t want to die. He never had. “—, please! I don’t want to die.” Silence.
The doctor was not home. The dying man was truly alone in an unfamiliar place. He remembered the words the doctor had said to him they day he trampled on the doctor’s feelings. The day everything went south. “Did you have fun making me dance in the palm of your hands? Was everything just a lie?” The doctor calmly asked even when he was seething inside. “Why’d you have to involve them?”
The dying man remembered smirking. “Poor pitiful doctor, betrayed by the person he loves.” He mocked. “They shouldn’t have poked and prodded. Curiosity killed the cat, didn’t they know?”
The doctor slapped him. “I should have trusted them. You really are an emotionless puppet. The next time we see each other, we are nothing.”
The dying doll felt broken yet he stood up and walked into a random alley. With it’s shaky hands, it called the doctor one last time. No answer. Voicemail. “Hey, —. How have you been?” It started. It’s voice was getting raspy and it was getting hard to breathe. “I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry for harming them. I’m sorry for trampling all over your feelings. I may have hidden the truth from you, but I never lied to you.”
Seconds passed and the doll found it hard to say the next words. It took deep breaths despite the pain it felt. “I loved you back then and I still love you now. It may be too late to say this but I wanted to let you know.” It ended the voicemail and laid down.
The doctor finally returned the call. “What is it that you want, —?” Even through the phone, it felt the doctor’s suspicion.
“I wanted to hear your voice, doctor.” It replied with a teasing tone despite having no energy to.
The doctor rolled his eyes. “I have no time for your games, —.”
The doll chuckled. “I’m dying, Mr. Genius Doctor.” It confessed with the same teasing tone it usually used.
Again the doctor rolled his eyes. “Even now, —, you continue to joke about such things. You’re pathetic.” With that, the doctor ended the call.
It breathe once. Twice. Then thrice. It smiled.
On the other side of the city was a doctor who just finished a surgery. He managed to save the patient’s life and yet he felt that something was amiss. It felt like he let someone die. Nonsense. His patient is in a stable condition and will recover in a few months. Talking with — really unnerves him.
He ignored his gut feeling until he stood in stood in front of his door. The doctor noticed the muddy footprints. It didn’t rain in this city. Finding this odd, he checked the cctv he installed.
With each second he watched, the dread he felt came back stronger then ever. He saw his former lover frantically banging on his door, begging for him to come out. To help him.
The doctor then remembered his phone. When he called the other earlier, he never did check the messages nor the amount of missed calls. He simply called to get it over with.
He saw his former lover’s shaking body. It looked so fragile and weak as it continued shouting at an empty house. The doctor regretted everything he said. He watched as the boy on his screen stood up with shaky legs and walked away.
He called the man’s phone. No answer. Despite the tiring day he just had, the doctor knows something bad has happened. He quickly put on his shoes and listened to the voicemail.
The doctor ran around the city, looking for someone he once loved. He was desperate. He hoped he made it in time. He continued calling, hoping to hear a distant ringtone. Once he finally did, he saw his name on the phone next to the man with a forlorn smile.
He cautiously walked to him. The doctor took a deep breath before finally checking for a pulse. He felt nothing but a cold body. The feelings he buried deep down came bursting to the surface. For the first time in a while, the doctor wept for his loved one. He regrets being suspicious of him in the first place, but even he knew that his own suspicion is rightfully deserved. This man hurt his family, but the doctor still loved him.
The doctor kept weeping, hugging the corpse of his lover. He remembered the times where their old group was having fun. He remembered the days where he had fun on dates with the the dead man. He remembers it all.
He didn’t know how long it took for him to get his bearings. He didn’t remember contacting their old teammates and the dead man’s new teammates. The only thing he remembers is the past they had and the cold body of his beloved.