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Jenny looked up at Bheem, eating the mangoes they had all just picked together with a zeal she was always more and more surprised he possessed. She couldn't believe they were finally all here again. Five years. Five years since she last saw him. Since she assisted him in the prison break that resulted in the death of the monsters who raised her.
Five years since she had been free and five years since that one hug that meant so very much to her, and to think she may only have a few weeks with him before him and Ram go back to lead their next revolt. When the two were away, she corresponded with them with letting that took so long to ever come and go, and they couldn't tell her most things going on either way.
She wanted to go with them sometimes, but they all knew that while she was a planner, she was no fighter and the last thing she wanted was to be a liability. She wished Bheem would stay, but also knew his life was bigger than himself to him and he wont be able to live with himself if he gave up while his people were not free.
Ultimately she just wished to have a future with him.
"Jenny?" He asked, pulling her out of her riverie.
"Hm?" She replied, her voice small from underuse, and she realised she hasn't said a word since they saw one another this morning, just talking with their eyes in ways they learnt when their tongues did not know how.
He picked up one of the mangoes, feeling it, setting it down and then picking up another, he did it a few times before he was satisfied and then handed it to her, "you haven't had any." His tone was so soft, no one but her could hear him, like the two were in their own small world. She wished it could be like that forever.
She opened the mango without a knife, exactly how he taught her, "Are you sure it's sweet?" She asked, even when she knew he wouldn't be wrong- he was the sun of the jungle after all.
"Of course, I checked it for you didn't I?" He shifted closer.
It amazed her how proficient he was in the language with the help of Ram, she was having a much harder time with telegu, her eyes sparkled as she smiled, "and if it is not?"
"It will be!" He said more insistently, "I checked every way I know how. The only other way I'd know if I tasted it before giving it to you."
"Then why don't you?" She asked.
"Huh?" He turned to properly look at her, and she raised the mango up to his lips.
"I only like the really sweet ones, you know." She said, letting herself slip more into her spoilt side. They were her eto enjoy after all.
She smiled when something in her eyes made him gulp and take a small bite, contrasting his normal where he ate half the mango in one go, "Well?" She asked as he finished chewing.
"It's sweet." He said, his voice almost a whisper now.
She brought it to her own lips and took a bite, right where Bheem did; coating her lips in the most delicious, sweet juice, "you're right. It's perfect."
She turned so he wont see the blush taking over her from how he was looking at her, and he too turned back to the basket of mangoes, albeit eating much slower, as if in thought.
***
"Tu pasand karta hai na?" (You like (her) right?) Ram asked as he entered Bheem's cottage.
Bheem was massaging his face with one of his oils in preparation to sleep, and caught Ram's eyes in the mirror, "Kise?" (Who?)
"Don't be daft on purpose. Jenny! I saw how you were looking at her today." He walked up to him.
"I don't know what yore talking about."
"Then why have you been doing the skincare you do before a festival every night since she came to visit?" Hopped on his dresser so Bheem couldn't avoid his eyes.
Sighed, "I don't know."
"Are you going to do anything about it?"
"What do you mean do anything about it? We're leaving for Kerala in a few weeks and who knows when I'll see her again." Shook his head, mildly upset because he didn't wanna think about the impossible cause.
Ram sighed, "You don't know when you'll see anyone. You've seen her after five years and you're both still smitten with one another. Doesn't that say something?"
Bheem shook his head, "You know she deserves better than someone who can only send her a few letters that keep her uncertain and meet a few weeks every few years. She deserves someone who will appreciate her every day like she deserves. She can maintain the comfort she grew up in. I can't give her any of that even if I want."
"I can't believe you're the one stupidly overthinking emotions." Ram rubbed his forehead like he was starting to get a headache, "It's been five years doofus. If she wanted anyone else then she would have been with them by now."
"But her lifestyle-"
"Is something she has been taking care of on her own for five years now. It won't go into smoke and she won't become comically dependent on whoever she ends up with. She likes you Bheem."
"And I love her. You know that." It's not the first time Bheem has said it, but maybe the first time sober, "I don't want to think that maybe I kept her from finding someone she would spend every night, every day with her, appreciate her every waking moment."
"You really believe anyone can do it better than you could?" Ram asked with a raised brow.
Bheem threw a comb at him, "Jenny is extremely appreciable!"
"I know that Bangaram!" Went over to him and held him by the biceps to make sure there weren't any more projectiles, "I know they must be plenty that want to appreciate her like that. But that's not what I'm asking. I'm asking if you think they can do it as well as you. I, for example, am pretty confident that no one can love my Seetha like I can."
"Someone else can probably do it more consistently. So she's not longing and waiting every day." He said more firmly.
Ram just rolled his eyes and started to leave, "Suit yourself," and he was almost out the door, but then he stopped, "We both know she always liked quality over quantity."
***
"I don't think I can do it." She looked at her hands.
Seetha sighed, these two we driving her mad, "Than atleast do yourself a favour and move on."
Jenny looked at Seetha in an accusatory glance, "Seetha!"
"What Seetha? You can't tell him, you cant let him go, you cant get with someone else. It's like you've decided to be miserable. Just confess. The worst that would happen is a 'no.' And it wont matter because you don't have to see him after. But at least ask instead of brooding!"
"I don't- I don't want to stop seeing him. Even if our meetings are few and ar between. If I ask him and he says no because of the impracticality-"
"You do realise my husband works with him and I see him as often as you see Bheem. Right?" She was honestly tired of this.
"Seetha you don't get it. I'm an outsider. You grew up with Ram."
"You're the reason they're alive! The only way you could be more of an insider is when she shoves his cock insi-"
"Seetha!!!"
Knock knock knock
The girls turned to see a red cheeked Ram at the door, "Yeah I'm gonna steal my wife away now."
Jenny covered her face in embarrassment, "Wait-"
Ram just came and picked her up, "No, thank you."
Then it was just her.
She got up and looked at herself in the mirror. So proper still, perfect posture drilled into her by her aunt who was no less than a finishing school warden and her bamboo cane. Such an outsider.
She reached back and undid the strings holding her pristine dress up. She then stopped and went to lock her door, then almost stopped herself, maybe he would visit? Her mind wandered for barely a second before she realised that he would probably run away without talking if he walked in on her undressing, and others were still awake. She finished locking up.
She let the garment fall to the floor, followed by her corset and other under-things. Looking in the mirror, she pinched the skin on her wrist, "All just flesh." She told herself, shaking her head, "Why does it make it all so complicated? Why can't I just... love you."
***
Ram lay Seetha down on the bed, "They're insufferable." He said, saiding equally frustrated, before kissing her deeply.
"They really, really are." She said after pulling away, "but theyll figure it out this time, I have a feeling."
"Yeah?" He kept kissing her, not giving her much of a chance to reply.
"Mhm." She pulled him down by his shirt so he was laying on top of her properly.
***
"Seetha?" Jenny knocked on the door, it was relatively early morning.
She opened the door, still sleepy and wearing Ram's shirt, "Jenny it's 6am."
"I want you to dress me in a Saari."
"Huh?"
"For Bheem. So I cam ask him."
"Babe, you can ask him in a spare towel and he will roll over twice for you."
"And yet he deserves more than that, right?" Jenny sounded nervous.
Seetha sighed, "Wait five minutes." She closed the door, got ready, and invited Jenny in, "Have a seat, and tell me what's going on."
"Nothing. I want ask him and do it while looking as less of an outsider as I can."
"You're not an outsider." Seetha said, "You don't have to change yourself, he already worships you."
"It doesn't matter. He learnt my language for me and I'm still struggling. I want to meet him halfway. I want to meet him in the attire he would have imagined when he was little and someone mentioned him getting a wife. I want to show him I care about every aspect of him."
Seetha smiled, so proud of her, "Okay."
"And I- really?"
"Yeah. Let's get you in a saari. Come, I'll help you pick!" She said excitedly, taking her hand.
***
Bheem has just finished tending to his medicinal garden -in which he housed certain medicines that didn't naturally grow very close to the area of the village- when he head the melodious Chann, chann, chann jingle of payals. He turned to look at what he saw set his heart ablaze. Feeling like he was having a brush with heaven on earth. There she was, ethereal beauty packaged in the fine arts of his land.
"Jenny?"
She smiled up at him, stepping close and taking his hand, "Bheem."
"Pariyan bhi kabhi itni sundar nahi lagi Hongi." (I doubt any angel has ever looked as good as you do right now.) Bheem said immediately.
She looked into his eyes, confusion and curiosity dancing on her face, "What did you say?"
"Don't worry about it." He reached out touched the dangling earrings adorned with his tribal art, matching the bangles on her wrist, "So beautiful." He longed to run his hands down the artfully embroidered teal saari that covered her body, but his hands trembled with shyness.
"I-" her kind went blank, the long speech she had prepared flew out the window, his intense brown eyes were looking at every inch of her and she wanted them to never stop, he mind was reeling and she knew she had to say it. She had to have this forever.
"I love you Bheem." She blurted after way too long of a silence.
He stated at her, shocked and unsure of how to reply.
"Say something!" She begged, assuming te worst.
He placed his hand on her cheek, covering half her face as he did, "I love you too. You've known that haven't you?" He gently stroked her cheek with his thumb.
"I want to be with you." She said, with more emphasis.
He just shook his head, looking so pained, "It's not worth it Jenny. You'll have more days fo waiting than you will of me. I don't know how young or old I'll die, how close or far away from Delhi..."
"I dont care, I dont. I want this. I want you, I want to learn about your culture and I want to live with you for as long as I can and I want to help your mission as much as I can."
"Jenny please, it's so dangerous. I was raised as a protected as of the people. I can only live for everyone. Believe me, in another life I'd live for you and me, but in this one-"
"I will. You live for everyone, and I will live for you and me. When I help your mission it will be for you, to keep you alive without compromise. I could be more than an asset, I could be your partner. I could be your girlfriend, your wife. Just yours. I want to be just yours."
"You can do better. This isn't your fight and it's not a fight I can abandon." Bheem was near tears now, not wanting to imagine what the new governors could do to Jenny if she was found helping Bheem.
"It's yours, and so am I. I haven't stopped doing what I can just because you weren't here and I won't now. I want to do this and i want to do it with you. I love you."
"Jenny..."
"I love you. I love you Bheem. Please just let me love you." She took another step closer and wrapped her arms around him.
He didn't know what to do. How could he agree to her giving herself what is essentially a death sentence of treason to the government and that too, "For a love you'll have so rarely?"
"I'll always have your love Bheem. No matter from how far away. I'll have it for every second for the rest of our lives."
He didn't know what to say, all he wanted for her was to be safe. So he said the one thing he was sure about, "I love you. I really, really love you." He hugged her back, and held her as they both tried to make sense of the situation.
By the end of the talk, they only knew one thing for sure, they were in love and they were doing this.