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Late morning sunlight slanted into the room. Highlighting small motes of dust dancing on the slight breeze from the open window. The room was silent save for the labored breathing from one of its two occupants. The other sat with head bowed dozing over the still figure lying in the pristine white bed.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Even shinigami were not immune to the ravages of injury. They could die and that was what the man feared the most. His companion of nearly a year might leave him forever without knowing how he truly felt.
Angry words and hurt feelings punctuated their last few moments together before the red head, now fighting for his life, stormed from the room they shared.
Always aloof and somewhat cool the regal Shinigami fought to put his feelings into words. Renji never had trouble voicing his emotions. He wanted to let all of soul society how he felt about his Taichou. Byakuya argued that it was enough for him to know the feelings of his vice-captain. He wished their relationship to remain private.
Renji slammed the door as he left calling the ebon haired man a cold bastard. Those were the last words Byakuya heard as Renji joined some of his squad for a mission.
Then later as the Captain of the sixth division sat behind his desk his peace was shattered by the frantic ravings of an underling. Renji, while trying to save his squad from a massive ambush, placed himself in the line of fire. He’d been swatted aside like a fly into the side of a cliff. But his distraction had been enough. Reinforcements arrived to fight the Hollow infestation.
But the damage had been done. Broken and bleeding Renji was carried to the infirmary. Byakuya’s outward demeanor befitted a noble of his station and a Captain of his division as he looked upon the body of his lover. He didn’t remember getting there. It was a blur of flash steps and rooftops.
Byakuya’s calm indigo gaze took in all the horrific injuries.
Renji’s slack blood covered face showed no signs of life as his clothing was stripped from his seemingly lifeless body. More ominous still were the pieces of Zabimaru that lay near their master. Renji’s fierce fight accounted for more than half of the vanquished Hollow swarm before the blow that took him down. If the red haired shinigami were to die his Zanpakutou would remain broken. The bond they once shared severed.
Limbs bent unnaturally and body covered with angry welts were revealed. Blood seeped from beneath Renji’s matted hair. Blending with the crimson hue and making a garish tangle around his face.
So intent was Byakuya’s perusal of Renji’s still form he did not even look up as the door slid open. The healers preparing the red head for examination kept their distance from the stone faced Captain.
Inside fear clutched Byakuya’s heart in a strangling grasp. He found it hard to breathe as he stared at Renji’s broken body. Only his iron control kept him from startling badly when a gentle hand rested on his shoulder.
“You must move aside so I can assess the damage.” A soft voice interrupted his inner dialogue of guilty recriminations.
Byakuya glanced at the serene and caring face of Unohana Retsu. Master healer and Captain of the fourth division.
“I’m not leaving.” Byakuya’s firm voice did nothing to hide his inner turmoil from the perceptive healer.
“I’ll do everything in my power to save him. Now you must stand aside.” Unohana firmly pushed the other Captain to the far corner out of the way. Byakuya had not even realized that he’d been hovering protectively over his fallen vice captain.
It was with some relief that the red head stirred when Unohana examined his broken legs. He’d been so deathly still that the Captain feared the worst. Though he could not maintain his calm façade when she set the bones so they’d heal properly. Hands clenched tightly to his heirloom silk scarf Byakuya watched intently as Renji was treated. Even with the healing energy flowing into him Renji could not hold back his screams of pain.
Then Unohana moved to the red head’s arms. The process was repeated and the room quiet once more as Renji lost consciousness from the ordeal.
Splinted, bandaged and stitching finished the healer stepped back with a heavy sigh.
“The rest is up to Renji. I’ve done all I can.” The Captain of the fourth division wiped her brow and turned to her vice-captain.
“Isane please see that Renji is taken to one of the private rooms on the second floor. Come get me immediately if his condition worsens.” Unohana gave Byakuya a long reassuring look before wearily exiting the room.
Byakuya trailed behind as Renji was transferred to a stretcher and taken to a small room with a freshly made up bed. Once placed on the clean white sheets they hooked him up to several tubes and wires to sustain and monitor his condition.
“Kuchiki Taichou if you’d like to return home I can have someone get you if…” Isane Kotetsu began.
“I’m staying. You may leave.” Frigid haughtiness laced his voice as he stared down at the silver haired female.
Isane gulped and left the room pulling the door shut behind her.
Now alone Byakuya allowed the stoic mask to crumble away. Worry deeply etched his features as he sagged into the chair next to the bed. He carefully took his lover’s hand and brought it to his lips. Nearby on a table sat the remains of Renji’s Zanpakutou. A grim reminder that the red head was still in critical condition.
This reminded Byakuya too much of other bedside vigils he’d kept. Only Unohana was there to witness his undoing when his wife died. Now faced with that situation again he truly wondered if he was strong enough to go through it again. He laid his head on the bed with only the raspy inhalations of a damaged lover for company.
~*~*~*~*~
He must have dozed off because he jerked awake when a hand touched his hair. Byakuya, nearly panicked, looked around and his wide eyes met the concerned stare of the healer captain.
“How is he?” The Kuchiki heir managed to stammer.
“As well as can be expected under the circumstances. He is a fighter.” Unohana smiled at the flustered Captain. This was so much like the emotional youth he used to be. Before familial duty and grief hardened his heart.
“You love him don’t you?” It was really easy to read the dark haired man once his mask had slipped.
“I…I don’t know what you are referring to.” Trying to regain his composure Byakuya once more ran his hand over his scarf.
“Just like you loved Hisana. Why are you so unwilling to let your feelings show?” A hand on his arm stilled Byakuya’s nervous gesture.
Gone again was the much needed composure. Byakuya’s hand trembled slightly as it reached out to stroke Renji’s battered face.
“We argued the morning he left. Renji asked me the same question. I can’t…I have to be the strong one. The mature one and the Kuchiki heir.” It was his duty.
“Bull Shit.” Unohana stated flatly.
Byakuya turned to the healer in utter surprise. Had she actually said that?
“I don’t understand?”
“You are afraid. Afraid of losing the man lying in the bed. Afraid to admit your feelings. Because to do so would make you vulnerable. I heard your vow the night Hisana died. To never let yourself open to such hurt again. But do you know what? You’re hurting now despite your vow. To deny your feelings and never let Renji know how you feel is hurting him too. Don’t waste this opportunity. Tell him how you feel before it is too late.” Unohana placed a hand on his regal head and stroked his soft hair.
Byakuya briefly closed his eyes soaking in the comforting gesture. Then it was gone and he was alone once more.
He swore never to let someone close enough to ever feel his pain again. Yet he had. His brash vice captain wormed his way into the shinigami’s affections.
“I’m a blind fool.” Byakuya chastised himself.
“Always….knew ya were.” Remarked a raspy voice thick with pain.
Dark blue eyes snapped open and stared at his lover.
Barely slitted eyes stared back at him. Hope swelled in his chest and relief made him want to gather his lover into his arms.
“So you survived.” Byakuya’s deadpan voice made Renji want to laugh despite the agony it would cause.
“I’m too tough to be killed by a buncha stinkin Hollows. Fuck I hurt. Help me sit up would ya?” Renji, despite the fight that sent him stalking off the day before, was overjoyed to see the stern face of his lover.
Byakuya raised the bed slightly and was truly at a loss for words.
“So was what the Doc said true? About yer wife? Hey I understand. I was an idiot to expect more. Gutter rat like me ought to get on my knees and thank whatever time ya do give ta me.” Renji could not keep the bitterness out of his voice.
Byakuya took a deep breath and leaned over the injured shinigami. “Shut up Renji.”
“Fine then…just leave me be and I’ll go back to sleep.” Surprised when his lover reached out to cup his face with both hands Renji stared up into Byakuya’s smiling face.
The sight took his breath away.
“I love you.” Then Byakuya gently kissed Renji’s upturned lips.
After a moment Byakuya rested his forehead against Renji’s and finally knew inner peace. Something he’d not felt for decades.
“Really?” Renji asked somewhat stunned.
“Really. Now get some rest. You have a long recovery ahead of you.” Byakuya placed another kiss on Renji’s tattooed brow and helped him settle back onto the bed. “Besides you have a report to write as soon as you’re able.”
Renji tried to smother a chuckle despite the pain it caused. “Yes Taichou…I love you too.”
Renji sighed with a smile as the medicine Unohana had administered finally kicked in. He drifted off to sleep with his Captain and his lover holding his hand.
Zabimaru once more in pristine condition lying nearby.