Chapter Text
Kiyoomi was going through a messy phase in his life. Everything that could go wrong was definitely going wrong. His dog was sick, he was having trouble with his bank account and overall he was just really tired. Tired of college, tired of his family making him feel like a burden, but, especially, tired of a particular someone.
During high school, Sakusa Kiyoomi didn't date. And even though everyone around him applauded him for his "impressive commitment to his education", he wasn't exactly happy. He wanted to date, he REALLY did, but he just didn't know how to. He didn't understand how people could just come in and out of relationships like it was nothing, when he struggled so much to even say hi to someone new. In the last day of high school, Sakusa decided to confess to his best friend, and, for Sakusa's surprise, the feelings were mutual!
...
Well, maybe for like a month and a half. Until the guy decided to throw not only their newly formed relationship but also their years long friendship in the trash can.
Kiyoomi thought that, maybe, he was the problem. Maybe the immovable object shouldn't have tried to become the unstoppable force. Maybe he wasn't made for that, after all.
He got in the college he wanted and decided to just stop thinking about romance for a while. That was until vacation, when he met a girl through a friend in common and they started hanging out. She was cute and kind and seemed to care deeply about him. Kiyoomi didn't feel anything for her at first but he thought "hey, maybe this is the right way for things to go". Maybe falling as hard as he usually fell was unhealthy, and maybe, just maybe, he should keep bearing this girls' company until he started feeling something out of nowhere and they could finally live their happily ever after.
And, well, needless to say: He didn't. Kiyoomi didn't feel anything for her and he knew he never would. And that brings us back to the present. A moment in time where Kiyoomi feels unbearably overwhelmed and has no idea what to do about it.
One day, Kiyoomi decided: screw it. As soon as he had a chance to talk to the girl about his feelings (or the lack thereof), he would. She didn't deserve to have her precious time wasted on someone who couldn't love her. And just when Kiyoomi thought he had put his mind and heart in place, a storm came.
A storm that would mess with Sakusa's feelings and leave him at the mercy of his own heart, completely hopeless. That storm had name, surname and gorgeous blonde hair: Atsumu Miya.
As mentioned before, Sakusa Kiyoomi wasn't exactly good at social interaction. At this point in life, thanks to the help of his therapist, he could habe short conversations and ask for help if needed, but forming actual bonds wasn't easy for him.
Kiyoomi saw Atsumu for the first time when they were at college, talking to some friends they had in common. He didn't know exactly why, but he was drawn to Atsumu instantly. It wasn't exactly romantic or sexual, but it was an unstoppable attraction that made Kiyoomi feel a desperate need to get closer to him. He didn't know why he wanted it so much or how he would do to achieve it, but he knew he should try to befriend him.
A couple days passed and there they were again, chatting with a group of friends. But this time, it was different. It was as if destiny decided to give Kiyoomi a hand, by putting Atsumu right beside him and giving both of them enough time in silence that it seemed perfectly okay for them to start their own parallel conversation. Sakusa Kiyoomi had a chance, and he grabbed it.
"So, what are you thinking of college so far?"
A very simple question. Unpersonal, easy to answer. And matched perfectly with the only information Kiyoomi knew about the guy next to him at the time: he was a new student. It was the best thing Kiyoomi's brain came up with in a time of need, and somehow it was perfect. He didn't think it through, like he always does. He didn't rehearsal their upcoming conversation thousands of times in his own mind and spent so long trapped in his own thoughts that he lost the opportunity. Sakusa just opened his mouth and asked, like it was easy.
And it was. It was probably the easiest conversation Sakusa Kiyoomi ever had in his entire life. They talked about college, they talked about their personal interests. They laughed, they found things they had in common, and Sakusa even had the guts to compliment Atsumu's hair. He was feeling insane.
They spent a good few minutes chatting, until it was time for both of them to go back to class. The conversation itself wasn't anything important or intense, but it was enough to make Sakusa's heart skip a beat. How could he feel so comfortable around someone he never met before? How could he look at Atsumu's eyes and wish he got lost in them? They talked just once and Kiyoomi already felt himself entering in a rollercoaster of emotions. Well, just a few seconds in a storm are enough to make you soak.
But don't forget: Sakusa Kiyoomi wasn't exactly 100% single. He still had things to solve (and, oh, how he wish he didn't). His mind wasn't in the right place at all for a heavy conversation, he'd much rather have a cheerful chat about comic books or something. With a certain someone. One might wonder who.
But, well, the girl who had Sakusa in her heart was no fool and spared him from having to bring up such a sensitive subject by bringing it up herself. Kiyoomi wasn't being a good lover and his unhappiness was practically written in his forehead. They had a short but direct chat, in which Sakusa couldn't behave as well as he had planned. He just wanted to end this for once and he wasn't as kind as he should've been. He knew it. But it was done now, and both of them could move on. And Sakusa was very much ready for it.
He saw Atsumu again. Once, twice, uncountable times. They had very interesting conversations and they actually formed a bond. Kiyoomi couldn't believe himself as he just grew closer and closer to the one he wanted the most. They went to college just to see each other, even when classes for one of them were cancelled, they listened to music together and even got matching bracelets. And all of that in literally a month. Sakusa couldn't believe himself as Atsumu's kind eyes searched for him in the middle of other college students. He formed such a lovely friendship with someone in such a short period of time, he knew his high school self would be proud of him.
Their friendship was the most affectionate friendship Sakusa ever had, and everytime Atsumu sent him a little message during class just to know how was his class going, Kiyoomi's heart couldn't help but assume, quite sure of his own words, that Atsumu Miya was, in fact, in love with Kiyoomi.
That was until...
"Hey, can I ask you a question?" Kiyoomi had gathered a lot of courage to do this and now he couldn't turn back.
"No", Atsumu answered, jokingly – one thing about him, he loves to be annoying – "Yeah, go ahead."
"Are you dating someone?" Sakusa's heart was beating in his throat as he spoke.
A brief silence formed between them before Atsumu responded:
"Yes and no."
Look. If the answer was "no", Sakusa would just go for it and try to make it happen, as he was already sure Atsumu liked him, even if just as a friend. If the answer was "yes", he would simply give up and mourn the loss of a love that never happened. But this... This was unexpected, this caught him off guard.
"What do you mean?" Kiyoomi wasn't sure if he actually wanted to know, but asked anyway. He was already too soaked to try to dry himself off now.
The next few seconds were just Atsumu trying to explain himself and saying increasingly confusing things as time went by. Sakusa could barely make sense of anything Miya was saying, partially because of Atsumu's clear discomfort with the topic and another part because he started to come to his senses and realize this whole Atsumu thing was about to become way harder than he thought it would be.
In the end, the only two clear sentences Kiyoomi had echoing in his mind were "I'm dating, in theory" and "I don't think we're dating anymore". That, and Atsumu's sad expression as he avoided Sakusa's gaze. Fuck.