Chapter Text
Cackle’s Academy was quieter than normal, the late summer breeze caressing the bricks and mortar of the old castle upon the great hill. The grounds were full of quiet buzzing, summer creating life in the crevices. The students of the Academy were on summer holiday and therefore, very few souls remained to click along the castle floors except a few of the staff and teachers who had returned to prepare for the beginning of a new fall term, deputy Headmistress Hecate Hardbroom being among them. She had a home on the premises of Cackles of course, but often took the summer away to explore different regions on holidays that were really glorified potion ingredient harvesting expeditions under the guise of a break. Often Hecate went in search of rarer ingredients, ones she could simply not take the time to find during the busy flurry of school terms or perhaps just exceptionally rare in their properties and therefore all the more rare to find.
If Hecate were not trekking on potion expeditions however, she sometimes found herself in new cities with Cassandra, her oldest friend and confidant, as they explored museums and theater productions together across Europe. These trips were forcibly not arduous or ‘working holidays’ in the slightest due to the somewhat militant terms Cassandra often set, forcing Hecate to relax. She smiled thinking of her friend fondly, reminding herself to send her a maglet message about a possible potions symposium they could attend together. Hecate found taking trips away from Cackles allowed her to recenter herself, allowed her to remember who she was outside of the imposing persona of Miss Hardbroom that she often felt saddled with due to her position within the Academy. It was a position forced upon her when she was too young to fight against it and at this late stage in her career, fighting it seemed like a rather fruitless endeavor.
Thinking back over the summer, Hecate mused that this summer had taken a decidedly different turn than many of the preceding ones. She had spent most of it exploring a small Polish countryside town that had a legend (that Hecate had suspected had the weight of truth around its edges) about a very sought out potion ingredient indeed. Lime green fairy wings. The wings were from a rare type of fae that molted their wings in the late spring and early summer. They were extremely potent but incredibly rare. As there was also the danger of anything fae related, so Hecate had made sure to take the utmost precautions in her packing for the trip. She fought to keep the pleased smile from her face as she patted her carrying case securely, knowing it held a single pair of the lime green wings carefully encased inside, knowing she had succeeded.
But that was not why the summer had been so decidedly different in Hecate’s opinion. No, it is because this time she had a companion on her ingredient gathering expedition, her very best friend and the unrequited love of her life-Pippa Pentangle. The bubbly headmistress had learned of the expedition from the potions mistress herself over a game of chess. She had been fascinated and more than a little passionate, begging Hecate to let her accompany her, to let Pippa learn from her on the expedition.
Pippa had even insisted she did not care if she procured a pair of wings for herself. She really did not have a need for such strong ingredients anyways, she had remarked breezily, complimenting Hecate on her own potions prowess. As they spoke further about the details, Pippa had waxed lyrical (always too kind in her estimation in Hecate’s opinion) building the witch up to a legend before Hecate was able to halt her, derailing the endless praise Pippa seemed content to consistently shower upon her. Pippa had merely smiled in that endearing way she often did, assuring Hecate she was looking forward to the trip, even if she procured nothing rare for herself.
Hecate had wondered why Pippa would want to come at all, the whole thing tangling into a ball of uncertain motivation that she knew better than to touch. Perhaps the idea of something so rare was what intrigued Pippa or perhaps the enthralling beauty of the fae- she knew Pippa had a penchant for such things. She could not understand why Pippa would want to spend her summer with Hecate otherwise. Not when Hecate was sure Pippa had many other options. Who was Hecate to refuse? She was only mortal after all. Not all of her decisions could be completely sound ones. And choosing to spend the summer sleeping beside Pippa was probably less than sound.
The trip itself had been picturesque, if heartbreaking. Still, she mused, she would not take it back. Did it hurt to sleep in rooms beside Pippa in cramped inns (the only thing available in such small towns where they knew not a single soul) and not touch her? Her fingernails dug indents into her skin, over and over, forming scars. Little scars to remind her of her emotions and her own perilous control of them. Should it have felt less like dying to watch Pippa wake up sleepily, her hair stuck to her cheek and then have to endure her being so thoroughly tactile? Should Hecate have felt it less like a baptism of fire to feel the other woman's thoughtless kisses to her cheek in moments of happiness and delight along their journey?
Hecate thinks it probably should have. Holding a decades old unrequited crush on one's best friend was most likely morally gray, even if Hecate felt it firmly on the “wrong” side of black and white. She doesn’t know how to quell this honeyed ache within her, the one that wanted Pippa Pentangle with every fiber of her being, her cells calling out for the pink witches magic, her calm and loving spirit.
Pippa always seemed to know exactly what Hecate needed in the moment, a light touch, a soothing word, a solid presence. Pippa was always full of such warmth and light, drawing Hecate like a moth to a burning flame. The summer had been filled with more of the moments she found herself hungering for deep within her bones. The moments of gentle assurances and the air of safety that cocooned the summer felt like a caress across her mind. Fireflies and fairy lights fit themselves around the memories, lighting them in hazy soft glows of comfort.
All of her thoughts made the ache to love Pippa feel more insistent than ever, Pippa having become all the more hopelessly enthralling to Hecate with time, not just more brilliant and drawn to justice with age but somehow more astonishly beautiful. Hecate had more chance to observe this fact closely over the summer as well, the way Pippa’s hands lost the plumpness of their youth, her fine sinewy tendons peeking out when she pointed to the map with care. The way she now often wore reading glasses, something else she hadn’t needed in their youth. Her sweet little button nose held onto the sparkly magenta frames that Hecate would have found garish on anyone else, but couldn’t find them anything but endearing on Pippa. And other less innocent things she had noticed as well- the way Pippa’s hips flared a bit wider than in their youth, her stomach softer, her thighs slightly more thick. The effect was incredibly alluring to Hecate, who couldn’t help but categorize the ways Pippa had changed, particularly when she wore her far too revealing nightwear, Hecate always thrusting out the lights as quickly as possible, terrified her silly heart might make a mistake otherwise.
The whole situation made Hecate feel a spinning sickness within herself, self-hatred rearing its many headed form. Hecate hated that she felt this way, that she betrayed Pippa’s trust with her selfish desires. Pippa did not deserve Hecate's disgusting yearnings, did not deserve to be fuel to Hecate’s fantasies, her daydreams of a different life, a life the two would share together. Even if that life, that dream world, was all that Hecate felt she had left sometimes. Still, Pippa didn’t deserve Hecate’s pathetic pining. She certainly did not deserve the part that Hecate kept the most carefully hidden, the one that desired more than anything to draw breathless kisses and guttural moans from the headmistress, to whisper love across her skin bathed in moonlight. Hecate sometimes found herself daydreaming about a life where they no longer had to exist between painful goodbyes, a life where Pippa Pentangle was in love with her.
Hecate began internally chastising herself for the mental slip she had allowed to manifest into the shapeless thing inside her mind. It only reaffirmed her negative beliefs about herself as her self-hatred thundered its beastly tirade. Pippa deserved so much more in a best friend than Hecate. Pippa would be, had been , much better when they were apart, Hecate was almost sure of it. She found herself fighting the persistent urge in her gut to run but squashed it, sighing heavily.
She would not do it. She would not hurt Pippa that way again, not after all they have been through. Certainly not after the pink witch had whispered how very glad she was they were friends again in the darkness of an inn that summer, her brown eyes filled with unshed tears. Hecate had felt her heart almost stop with the terrible pain she had seen on Pippa’s face, filtered through shadow. She had felt a private slideshow of agony flash across her mind then, images of a younger Pippa all alone crying without Hecate there to comfort her assaulting her viciously. The knowledge that it was something that had occurred in a not so distant reality had Hecate feeling as though she could hear the sound of her own heart cracking and splintering loudly in ugly pieces across the small room.
It hurt .
Hecate had privately vowed then and there she could never leave Pippa without a word again. She could not leave, even if a large part of her still thought Pippa really would be much better without her, couldn’t understand a reality where she wasn’t despite her insistence. Pippa had always been frustratingly resolute on her surety of Hecate’s importance in her life but Hecate saw the flocks of girls that followed Pippa around when they were younger and knew not much had changed with age. It therefore confused Hecate, Pippa’s devotion. Hecate knew she was beyond lucky to have the devotion of someone as giving as Pippa, but it all just made her feel all the more undeserving. Pippa had countless confidants to share her time with so why in all that was magical did she continually insist upon choosing time with Hecate?
Hecate shook her head, attempting to clear her thoughts from being quite so Pippa directional, and turned down the hall that led to Ada’s office. They were meant to be getting an astronomy supply witch for the fall term and Hecate knew the meeting was most likely on whether there had been any progress made on that front, as there was only a little over a week until the students returned. Hecate hoped it was on such a matter and not anything more dramatic, flashes of the last term worming their way unbidden through her mind. She sighed and rapped twice upon the door of Ada’s office. It swung open almost immediately, revealing the inviting chambers that lay beyond.
“Ah Hecate, do come sit down” Ada said, ushering her in and gesturing toward the opposite armchair, the room cooler than Hecate’s own chambers, the fan spinning furiously. Ada had stripped off her signature cardigan, her gingham sleeveless dress allowing her to cool down. Sometimes the air in the castle seemed stagnant in the heat of the summer and unfortunately Ada’s office often got the brunt of it, much to her chagrin. Hecate would have to remember to brew more cooling potion for her friend, she silently reminded herself.
Hecate sat gingerly, allowing herself to be drawn into the familiar surroundings of Ada’s office, a home within a home. Its paisley prints were a bit garish for Hecate’s taste but the place still filled her with a sense of coziness, though she was loath to admit it. She had been gone for a great deal of the summer holiday and it felt right to be back in a place where her routine and schedule could be adhered to, rather than the more languid days of summer and all of its confusing feelings about one particular headmistress. She sometimes wondered if she should confide in Ada, about Pippa and all her feelings for her. She wondered if Ada could help ease her burden, a problem shared being a problem halved or whatever it was they said. She wondered if spilling her heart would ease her burden or at the very least her conscience. The thought that Ada knew them both, had known them both for a long time seemed worth something, alongside the fact Ada was one of her closest confidants. She sometimes even wondered if Ada already knew, already suspected at the very least, the depth of her feelings for Pippa. Hecate could swear sometimes Ada had a look in her eye that pleaded with Hecate to see something that Hecate, for the life of her, could not see. The idea of talking about the subject openly had the fine hairs at the nape of her neck feeling painfully tight and she resolved to consider the subject closed for the time being, the matter far too delicate for her current state of muddled mind.
Ada cleared her throat, breaking the spell of internal exploration that Hecate had been swirling into with vigor. “I know you have been searching through your connections for a new astronomy supply witch but thankfully, I am pleased to say it seems we have had a spot of luck on that front.” She stopped and sipped her tea with a small smile before continuing, “ Someone that comes with excellent references and was a supply witch at Amulets Academy two years ago when their astronomy teacher had to take a leave of absence due to health. She of course comes highly recommended by Amulets.”
Hecate nodded, satisfied with the summation. She was sure the witch would be adequate and Hecate suspected she rarely would interact with her at all. She was not one for polite small talk and she hated the “getting to know the other person” awkwardness of any new acquaintance. Luckily, her duties as deputy head rarely involved much in terms of supervisory actions. She and Ada had agreed that if one were hired on at Cackles, there should be an assumption of competence and therefore trust. Sometimes Hecate thought Ada could be a little too generous in her assumptions of confidence particularly in those of her colleagues, but Hecate thought it unseemingly to call into question Ada’s hiring practices as her Deputy, particularly after the ousting of the previous year. Though Miss Mould did flash to mind with such a thought, Hecate doubled her resolve to support Ada, come what may.
As they went over the finer details of the coming next week, including making arrangements for the supply witch’s quarters to be prepared, Hecate again felt her thoughts drift momentarily back to Pippa. She wondered if the blonde was having a meeting with her own deputy at that moment, planning new and exciting lessons for the Pentangles students.
Or perhaps if Pippa was stuck under mountains of correspondence, the weeks she was away piling up, her admirers flooding her inboxes both physical and digital. She feels a spike of longing at the warm laugh Pippa would always let out when Hecate referenced what she called Pippa’s ‘fan club’. The summer and Pippa’s constant presence during it had forced the boundaries she had so carefully laid to blur, feeling almost non-existent. She couldn’t find it within herself to regret it though, she thought, even as her mind wandered back to what the blonde witch might be doing at the present moment. She wondered if maybe Pippa was all alone, sitting upon her fluffy duvet in her silk pajamas as she was planning curriculum with her signature pink glasses sitting ever so cutely on the end of her nose, her hair loose and down–
Hecate physically shook her head to remind herself to focus once more. Luckily, Ada did not seem to notice her lapse in focus and was plowing on through the seemingly endless list of tasks the staff needed to tackle within the next week before finally deciding the rest could be dealt with at the staff meeting in two days. A few of the teachers were still filtering back in from their holidays and as such the full staff would not be back until Thursday.
They made sure to put aside the notes for the meeting before Ada cheerfully sent Hecate off, a ginger biscuit pressed firmly into her hand. The deputy headmistress left, transferring directly to her chambers with a fond shake of her head. After so many years she supposed she should have been less surprised at Ada’s insistence on trying to foist something upon her each time they had a meeting, however she did allow herself a small smile at the thoughtfulness. She set the biscuit aside and looked around the darkened room, willing herself to relax.
She was alone again. She tried not to feel bereft.
Hecate let out a breath, letting the world fall away as she did. She rolled her shoulders and stretched her neck side to side slowly before flicking her wrist and spelling her hair down into its natural curls. With a sigh, she changed into her softest nightwear, the fabric clinging to her like a gentle hug. She felt a pang at the fact she had been so used to Pippa’s affection, this was the closest she had now. She felt worn out from the day and knew the week ahead would be all the more tiring. There was much to be done before the start of term though she felt she knew she had to acquiesce that they did always pull it off. She supposed she should worry less. Certainly she could focus a bit less on her hormonal teenage-esque feelings for one very pink witch, though Hecate snorted at the thought. No one would ever describe her in such a way, certainly not with her imposing ‘Miss Hardbroom,’ persona, yet, she felt it described her aptly, even if she felt embarrassment at the realization. She forced her thoughts towards the upcoming term and the curriculum instead. They were certainly less confusing. It wasn’t long before she had closed her eyes, the subject making her sleepy. She drifted slowly, falling into languid and cozy dreams that all seemed to have a pink tinge around the edges.