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"How was the briefing?" You asked as Anakin made his way through your apartment door as swiftly as possible.
Sneaking around was something you'd thought you'd get used to three years into your marriage, but you still had a hard time adjusting to everything a relationship with someone who belonged to the Jedi Order implied.
"Well, hello to you, too, my darling," Anakin quipped as a barely-there smile tugged at the corners of his lips.
You rolled your eyes in faux annoyance. "Hello, my love." You indulged him as he got closer to you. After placing a kiss on his cheek, you repeated, "how did the briefing go?"
Anakin's hands immediately flew up to glue themselves to your waist, pulling you flush against his chest. If he didn't know any better, he'd think his hands had a mind of their own when it came to you.
"Good. Boring," he shrugged as he gave your waist a gentle squeeze. "More of the same, anyway. You know I'd rather be out there than waste time discussing political strategies I shouldn't be privy to in the first place."
You knew that by 'out there' he meant fighting in the front lines with the rest of his squad. You couldn't say you agreed with him. Despite knowing better—and in spite of Anakin reassuring you every time you needed him to—you couldn't help but worry for him. It wasn't easy to watch your husband leave home for days on end to fight a war. It was still as hard as the first time he was deployed. You hated everything about it; hated that he had a duty to the Republic, hated the goddamned Separatists, hated the fact that there was absolutely nothing you could do about any of it. All you could do was sit and wait as a numbing pain burned deep in your chest.
"And here I thought you'd rather be here with me." You teased—more for your own sake than his, really. You needed to quell your nerves somehow.
He granted you a smile that proved to be enough to calm you down, at least for now. "You know there's nothing more I'd rather do."
"Hm, I think I might need some reminding."
Anakin smirked at that. "Gladly."
He bent down to capture your lips in his. Much to your dismay, though, he pulled away before things got a chance to escalate. Instead, Anakin redirected his lips to your forehead, pressing them against it—probably checking for a fever.
"How did your appointment go? Are you feeling any better?"
You've not been feeling like yourself for some days now. You would throw up every now and then but you never really got a fever, so you just dismissed these episodes and blamed some stomach bug or another. Besides, you didn't want to worry Anakin. He already had enough on his plate; you knew more than anyone that he didn't need to be worrying about you on top of everything else.
Anakin, being Anakin, noticed right away that something was amiss and insisted you go to a medical facility. After some nagging from him, you heeded to his request. It never really took much convincing to say yes to Anakin.
Nothing could have prepared you for the news the medical droid bore regarding your condition.
"Well, I actually just got back from—"
"Wait." He interrupted.
"What?"
"Shh."
You did as you were told and shut your mouth, looking up at him expectantly. Anakin's brows furrowed in what you could only describe as an expression of both confusion and concentration.
"Is Padmé here?" His question only served to further confuse you.
"No," you trailed off, not understanding what he was getting at.
His expression hardened ever so slightly. You could tell he was trying to hide his uneasiness. His eyes locked on yours as he whispered, "are you sure?"
You fought the desire to roll your eyes; how could Padmé be in your apartment without you knowing? "I'm sure, Ani. Why? What's wrong?"
"Someone's here."
His tone made your stomach churn. "What do you mean?"
"I can sense a presence in the room."
"You can sense someone? As in, with the Force?"
The look Anakin gave you was enough of an answer. It took you a moment to realise the level of stupidity your question carried. Though you knew he'd never say that to you.
Of course it's through the Force, you dumb fuck.
"Right," you let out a small sigh. "Well, there's no one here, Ani. Maybe it's just me you're sensing."
It was a stupid guess, you knew that. But there was no other possible explanation in your mind.
"I can always tell when it's you," he explained, and you could tell he was trying his best to remain calm. For your sake or his, though, you couldn't be sure. Maybe both. "Has Padmé been threatened recently?"
His question threw you off. What was he going on about?
"Not that I know of," you shook your head. "Ani—"
"Come here."
Anakin took a hold of your wrist and dragged you across your apartment and into the small kitchen, not before making sure it was completely empty. He shut the door and turned to look at you, his grip on your wrist only barely loosening.
"Has there been another attempt on her?" He pressed.
"No, Ani. Why would anyone try to assassinate her now?"
"That's how we met, wasn't it?"
He was right. You'd met Anakin when he and Obi-Wan were assigned to protect Padmé after an attempt on her life failed to take place all those years ago. Back when Anakin was still a padawan, back when the galaxy had yet to break into war. You'd just begun serving Padmé when Anakin came along, the two of you making an instant connection. It ashamed you at first—you were supposed to serve Padmé, not pursue a romantic relationship with one of her personal bodyguards. And a Jedi bodyguard at that.
You often find yourself wondering what your life would be like if the Separatists hadn't attempted to kill Padmé. And you often scold yourself for being glad that it happened.
"Even if Padmé was being targeted, there's no reason for the assassin to be here." At that, Anakin gave you a look that you knew too well. "I highly doubt anyone would want to assassinate a senator's handmaiden, Anakin."
You could tell he wasn't convinced, because he argued, "you still decoy for her, don't you?"
"Not anymore," you confessed. "Padmé has… dismissed me of that particular duty ever since we told her about us."
It wasn't so much that you told her but more that she figured it out. Padmé had always managed to outwit everyone she encountered—you and Anakin not being the exception.
"All right," Anakin sighed deeply. "I need you to stay here, okay? I'll go check the apartment."
Your complaint died in your throat at the pleading look on Anakin's face. Instead of arguing, you nodded your head in agreement and he was quick to leave the kitchen in order to inspect the rest of the apartment.
Nothing about what was going on made sense to you. Who could Anakin be sensing if it wasn't you? Who could possibly—
Oh.
"Ani!" You called out to him as you exited the kitchen to meet him in the living room.
"What? What is it? Are you okay?" He quickly turned his gaze from the balcony and took big strides to approach you. You noticed his eyes scan you a few times, trying to check if anything was wrong.
"Yes, I'm fine." You tried to smile up at him so as to prove your point, but what came out was more akin to a grimace. "Relax."
Anakin's shoulders visibly dropped as he exhaled deeply. "Please don't scare me like that."
"I'm sorry."
"What is it, then?"
Oh, right. "I— I think I know who it is you're sensing."
He perked up at that, giving you his undivided attention. He didn't say anything, though; his eyes were urging you to go on.
"At the medical facility today... the droid told me the reason why I've been feeling like shit lately."
You hoped your words were enough to clue Anakin in on what you were struggling to tell him.
Alas, no such luck. The endearing furrow between his brows, under any other circumstance, would've made you melt like ice under Tatooine's unforgiving suns. Anakin was completely clueless, if his puzzled look was anything to go by.
He really was going to make you say it, wasn't he?
"I'm pregnant, Ani."
The silence following your confession was deafening. So deafening, in fact, that you felt like you could throw up any second. Anything—literally anything—would be better than the chilling silence that took over your small apartment, you thought to yourself.
You could virtually see the gears turning in Anakin's head, trying to make sense of it all. "H-how long…" if you hadn't been so nervous, you would've found his astonishment funny. Hilarious, even. "How far along are you?"
"The droid said about five weeks."
"That's..." he stammered, wanting to say so much yet nothing seemed to come out. No amount of words was good enough. "That's wonderful." He beamed.
You couldn't find it in yourself to smile back at him. Racing thoughts and worries about the future fogged up your mind. You were positive you looked like a helpless mess as you stared up at him, wide doe eyes burning deep into his.
Even if your head barely topped his shoulders, those eyes of yours had a way of making him feel small.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" He chuckled nervously. "You look like that time I came home from a mission with that nasty gash across my chest." You knew he was trying to make you laugh and loosen up, and you loved him all the more for it. When you didn't smile back at him, however, Anakin's brows furrowed and you were sure his expression now matched yours. "You do want to have a baby with me, right?"
The concern and self-doubt embedded in his tone made your heart sink. Simultaneously, it also made you hate yourself; your childish response when facing a crisis made him doubt your wishes for a life with him.
As if you could ever wish for anything else.
"Of course I do, Ani." Your voice trembled and you walked closer to him to place your palms against his chest.
His hands settled on your waist, squeezing lightly, his voice but a whisper as he asked, "then what is it, baby?"
The look in his eyes was enough to make you tear up. Before you knew it, your vision was completely clouded and you shut your eyes, letting the tears flow freely. The sight was enough to break Anakin's heart.
"Oh, bug." He cooed, his flesh hand coming up to rest on your cheek. He wiped the ever falling tears with his thumb as his gloved hand gently squeezed your side. "C'mere."
Anakin pulled you flush against his chest, your face finding its home in the crook of his neck. Your hands clasped each other tightly at his back, holding on to him for dear life. He rocked your bodies back and forth and rubbed your back in what he hoped was a soothing manner. That only made you cry harder, positively damping the collar of his robes.
How were you going to make this work?
"I've got you," he whispered into your ear before pressing featherlight kisses against your temple.
You buried your face deeper into his neck. His scent taking over each and every one of your senses. Weirdly enough, it seemed to be all that you needed. Anakin didn't complain—he never did. He just hugged you tighter in the hopes of steadying your racing heart.
After an eternity, or maybe a moment, you stopped crying.
When he was sure—or as sure as he could be—that you'd calmed down, Anakin spoke up again. "What's the matter, huh? Talk to me."
You looked up at him then, eyes red and teary and puffy. You didn't dare to let him go just yet.
"What are we gonna do?" You asked back.
"Padmé will understand, sweetness."
You frowned at that. How could he possibly think you'd be worried about keeping your position as one of Padmé's handmaidens? "I'm not worried about me. I'm worried about you, Ani. What if the Council finds out?"
"That's what's got you all worked up?" He smiled, the bastard. "You don't need to worry about me, bug."
"Of course I do. How can I not? Your life as a Jedi is on the line."
"I'll leave the Order."
He said it so nonchalantly, it made you feel like you'd been slapped right across the face. You'd known Anakin to make rash decisions; it was a trait that you more often than not found endearing. Right now, however, you wished he would just stop and think things through for a second.
Except, of course, you knew that he did. Anakin had been toying with the idea of leaving the Jedi Order for quite some time. He always talked to you about it; well into the night when neither of you found it in yourselves to shut down your brains along with your racing thoughts and just go to sleep. And you always listened; comforted him, tried to help him. There was nothing quite like the suffocating feeling of helplessness you got when Anakin was upset and there was nothing you could do to make it better.
Still, you couldn't allow yourself to be the reason behind him leaving everything he's ever known behind.
"You can't leave."
"Of course I can. The war is almost over. Once it is, I'll leave and we'll be free to live our lives together. We can go wherever you want and we'll raise our child,” he searched your eyes as he gently squeezed your waist. "Together. The both of us."
You would never be able to forgive yourself for being the cause of Anakin giving up everything he's ever dreamed of. You refused to be the one to ruin his life.
"You're not ruining my life."
Your eyes snapped up to his. He must've used is goddamned Jedi mind tricks or something to read your mind. He knew you didn't like it when he did that, though you supposed it came in handy when you weren't able to put words to your feelings.
"That's not how I see it." Your voice came out smaller than you intended.
"Well, you're wrong. You could never ruin my life."
You stayed silent. The only thing you were able to do was stare up at him dumbfounded.
Anakin was surprisingly calm about this. He has always been rather soft spoken, especially when it came to you, but his tone carried an added tenderness. "Aren't you tired of this? All the sneaking around, the secrets, all this deception…"
You were tired. Of course you were. Nothing would ever give you more joy than to have a proper life with your husband without having to watch over your back all the time.
Anakin didn't wait for you to answer. You suspected he knew whatever arguments you could come up with would be nothing but weak, futile attempts at changing his mind. "Keeping our marriage secret is bad enough. I don't want to have to keep our baby a secret, too. It's not fair on anybody."
You knew he had a point, yet you argued, "the Jedi are all you've ever known, Anakin. You don't have to give up your life's work just because I got pregnant."
"I want this. I want this more than I've ever wanted anything else."
"I can't possibly make you choose between me and the Order. I won't."
"Even if you did, what makes you think I'd pick the Order? They don't stand a chance against you." His hands left your waist in favor of cupping your face between them. "Nothing does."
"Anakin..."
"The Jedi are nothing compared to you." He insisted, eyes so blue you could drown in them as he gazed down at you. "I trust you know I'd do anything for you, my love. You're my number one priority. Always will be."
"I love you." Was all you managed to say.
Anakin smiled at your simple admission and broke the small distance between you to place a gentle kiss on your forehead, melting what was left of your resolve with it.
Why were you putting up a fight, anyway? Wasn't this what you wanted? For you and Anakin to be free to do as you please? For you not having to worry whether he'd come back to you or perish fighting some war or another?
"I thought you'd be happy about this." He mused with what had to be the most adorable frown decorating his face.
"I am," you sighed as you softly ran your hands up and down his chest. "I am. Truly. I just…" Anakin waited patiently for you to finish, nothing but adoration in his eyes. "Are you sure about this? The Jedi—"
"Fuck the Jedi. They'll never give me what you're willing to. What you already give me just by loving me."
Silence took over the apartment as you let his words sink in.
"I guess I'm scared." You admitted.
"Of what, baby?"
"Of you waking up one day and realising this was all a mistake. Realising that you belong with the Jedi."
"I belong with you." Anakin fixed his gaze on you, meaning every single word he spoke. His flesh hand went up to cup your cheek, thumb caressing your soft skin. "You're my longest stroke of luck. I don't intend to give it up any time soon."
You wanted to laugh and cry and scream until your lungs gave out.
"You know I don't expect you to make up your mind right this second, don't you?" You asked him because you had to be sure he knew you understood the position you'd put him in. "It can't be an easy decision."
"It's the easiest decision I've ever had to make." His admission made you smile, which in turn made Anakin grant you a smile of his own. "Will you stop fretting over this now? Please?"
You let out a breathy chuckle. "I guess I will."
He betrayed a smile that seemed to find his lips unprepared for the softness of it, that seemed to find your heart unguarded at the openness of it.
"You keep making me the happiest man in the galaxy. If anything, this is a wake up call for me to return the favor."
That made you frown. "What are you talking about? Nothing makes me happier than having you love me."
"Sometimes I fear that's not enough." He confessed in a whisper, as if he was letting you in on a secret.
"You leaving the Order on my account won't make me more happy, if that's what you're implying."
"It won't?"
You weren't sure if his question was meant to be serious or not, but you decided to respond with the truth. "I take no pleasure in watching you give up everything you've ever wished for."
"You're everything I've ever wished for. Everything I'll ever need." His hands were soothingly running up and down your back now.
You were a bit skeptical, not sure if he truly meant what he said or if he was just saying it to ease your mind. You scolded yourself as soon as the thought crossed your mind. You knew that, if anything, Anakin was always earnest with you.
He gave you a smile before pulling your body closer to his. "C'mere."
As you swayed side to side, you pondered on what laid ahead for you now. Your lives would be drastically changing—if they hadn't already. However, you couldn't bring yourself to regret the decisions that led you and Anakin to this moment.
"I love you, you know that?" He whispered against the top of your head, breathing in your scent.
"I love you, too."
"You're still trembling." He pointed out, though his tone wasn't accusing. It was more of a comment in passing; like he could well be talking to you about the weather.
"Yes, well, I'm scared. Aren't you?"
"Shitless," he admitted with a laugh. Letting go of you just enough to get a look at you, he lifted up his hand to brush a few stray hairs off your face. "But we'll make it work, won't we? I'll have you and you'll have me."
That made you grin up at him. You couldn't believe that this man was yours; that you'd created life together. At that moment, you knew that your love for him was enough to defeat anything.
"I don't know what I would do without you." You confessed, voice almost inaudible, and you unconsciously tugged on the hair at the nape of his neck.
"If I have my way, you won't ever have to worry about that." His left hand travelled all the way from your cheek down to your still flat stomach, softly caressing it. "Neither of you will."
You pulled him closer to you then, pushing his head down to meet your lips halfway. He wrapped his metal hand around your waist, his other one never straying from your belly. He found himself full of anticipation. He couldn't wait for your belly to grow bigger and bigger under his hand; wondered if there was anything else his Jedi abilities would allow him to pick up. Would he be able to hear the baby's heartbeat? Sense its feelings, discern its thoughts? It was all too overwhelming; the love he held for you and the child you've created together.
Anakin gently pulled away before it all became too much.
"How are you feeling, hm? Did you eat? Why don't you sit down, I'll fix you something."
Later that night you found yourself running your fingers through Anakin's curls as you laid beside him on the bed. Nothing but Coruscant's city lights illuminated the room as your husband's hands swept dotingly across your stomach. Though it still had yet to grow, you could tell Anakin was already fascinated by it.
"Anakin," you whispered.
"Hm?" He didn't bother lifting his head from your chest, too lost in the dreamlike and almost magical atmosphere.
"You're mine, too."
"What?"
"My longest stroke of luck."
He chuckled. "How lucky of us, then, to have found each other." He'd relented now, lifting his head in favor of locking his ocean blue eyes with yours. "We really are lucky, aren't we?"
"Luckiest in the galaxy."