Chapter Text
It had been a few months since the group settled into Alexandria. Beth remembered when they arrived at the gates. The interviews. The way everyone was weary and cautious around them. There was a clear divide between them and the residents. They had shared a house at first. It wouldn't have felt right to split up, and they didn't know how much trust they could put in the people here. But once they got comfortable things changed. Maggie and Glenn had a house, then Carol and Daryl. Abraham and Rosita and Eugene.
Everyone had a place. Beth however, bounced between a room at Maggie and Glenn's, and her room at Rick's. They decided she needed a room at his house because she was around so much, taking care of his baby. Despite this, she never saw much of the man. Beth used to look up to him. How he cared for everyone and kept the group safe, but lately she found herself feeling annoyed around him. He never seemed interested in anything she had to tell him about Judith, and he avoided people most of the time. It was a shock, considering how close they'd all gotten during the time they were out there. They'd become a family, and he was a father to all of them. She saw him at night sometimes, patrolling the streets in his uniform. There was something off about him. Something in him that frightened her. She didn't realise how much until the night of the Settlement barbecue.
The Settlement Barbecue was something they had decided to throw in celebration of Deanna and Rick finally finding a way to run Alexandria together without getting at each other's throats all the time. She still hadn't gotten used to it. Barbecues, parties, game nights. This wasn't what they were accustomed to. This wasn't how they were supposed to live. As if everything was OK. But it was enough to know that Rick had power here now, because she knew he felt the same way. Everyone knows that Rick always does what has to be done.
They threw the barbecue out on the street in front of Deanna's house. Beth was late, carrying Judith on her hip. When she arrived everyone was out, eating and talking and laughing. Despite not being used to it, she did love days like these, when everyone seemed happy. These were the days when she felt like Alexandria really could be a home to them. Like they'd finally made it. She made her way through the crowd and the smoke from the grill, searching for Maggie. She got stopped by a couple who wanted to see Judith, and then again by Carl who wanted to see his sister.
"She been good?" He asked, letting Judy grip his finger.
"She always is" she smiled, rocking her back and forth.
"Dad was looking for ya earlier, said he needed to talk about something"
"Oh" Beth was surprised. He'd barely spoke to her the past few months.
"Did he mention why?"
"No, just said tell me if ya see Beth"
She nodded, making a mental note. It was probably just about Judith.
Maggie's head appeared in the crowd of people and she started to make her way towards her, when she was stopped dead in her path.
"Mr Grimes" Beth said. He stood directly in front of her. There was something about his demeanour that made her nervous. His eyes locked onto hers and she couldn't decide where to look. He tilted his head to the side, and reached out to take Judith from her arms. She handed the baby over, and he held her the way Beth was over his hip.
She felt so uncomfortable. There was nothing to say, and even if there was she wasn't sure she could bring her mouth to form real words. His eyes were piercing hers, making her cheeks burn.
She cleared her throat nervously. "C-Carl said you were lookin' for me earlier" she forced herself to look at him. When she did, her breath hitched.
She found herself thinking about him from time to time. About the way his stubble shadowed his jaw just perfectly. He was handsome, there was no doubt about that, but he also had a weird charm that he could switch on whenever he wanted to. And it certainly felt like he wanted to that night.
"Yeah, I was honey" he smiled, a cold, disturbing smile.
She nodded slowly.
"Was just wonderin' if you'd seen Judith's toy, her bunny. She wanted it earlier, wouldn't stop screaming".
"Oh" she breathed a sigh of relief "Yeah, yeah. I'm pretty sure I saw it in her room earlier. I could go back and get it now... If you want?"
"If you would darlin'" he flashed his teeth.
She nodded, turning away. She didn't dare look back, but she swore she could feel his eyes on her as she walked away.
It didn't take long to find the toy for Judith, lying on the floor by her cot. She traced the soft fabric with her fingers. It reminded her of a toy her mom had bought her when she was young. Rick appeared so suddenly he caused her to gasp, feeling his presence right behind her.
"You know those toys are for Judith" he laughed. It's a laugh that didn't sound genuine at all.
She spun around to find him inches away from her. Beth just smiled in response, unsure of what to say. He moved his hand, slowly but with purpose, to hers and slipped the toy from her. Beth was stunned, her breaths falling fast.
Rick leaned his face close to her ear and whispered quietly, "Be a good girl and get back now" before kissing her cheek softly.
She didn't notice until she was a few feet from the front door that she was shaking.
She didn't see him for the rest of the night. In all honesty she didn't want to. She was officially afraid of him. When people started to go home she found Maggie and asked if she could stay at her and Glenn's for the night. Of course, Maggie was delighted and they had a great night. They stayed up talking and Glenn had Daryl round. It was the first time in a while that she had felt happy. Actually happy, and safe.
Her dream made her feel unsafe.
She saw him. Standing there. Just standing at first. And then he got closer and closer until everything was gone and it was just him and her. His hands gripped her hips, gently, and he leaned down and kissed her cheek. "Be a good girl and get back now" his deep voice echoed. She'd forgotten just how deep it was. The words crashed around in her head like tidal waves. Be a good girl. Over and over. Until his grip on her tightened, so tight he could make marks. And he laughed an awful sickly laugh.
She sat up, panting. Her forehead was covered in sweat, along with her palms. She took a minute to catch her breath. Rick Grimes was polluting her thoughts. She got out of her bed and made her way downstairs to get a glass of water. Daryl was asleep on the couch. He must've been too tired to make his way home once Glenn had gone to bed. She tiptoed past him into the kitchen, and pulled a glass from the cupboard. Just as she did, she knocked another one down and it smashed against the counter. Glass shattered everywhere and she gasped and covered her mouth.
Daryl sat up fast and pulled his knife from his belt, until he saw Beth stood in the kitchen.
"I'm sorry Daryl it just fell" she started gathering the pieces of glass in her fingers and putting them into the bin.
"Hey" he grunted.
She ignored him, her fingers trembling as she carried more glass to the bin.
"I'm sorry. Sit down go back to sleep it's okay"
He came up behind her, his hands resting on her waist as he turned her around.
"Shh, Beth, calm down it's just a glass. It's okay" he whispered.
She leaned into him, letting herself relax for a second. A second turned into a minute, neither wanting to release the other. They still hadn't spoke about it. About when she was taken by Dawn's group.
"When... That car drove away with you"
"Shh, Daryl don't"
He continued anyway, "I thought they were gunna hurt you. Or kill you... Or worse" he gripped onto her.
"I'm okay. You got me back. It's all okay now" she whispered, stroking his hair.
He nodded. He looked lost to her sometimes, like he didn't belong here.
"Me and Aaron are heading out again in the morning" he said, still holding her.
She nodded, feeling sad that they'd finally found a way to talk and now he had to go away.
"I'll miss you" she whispered. He nodded.
"I'll miss you"
She leaned up, and kissed him on the cheek, and he shut his eyes. She moved down to his lips and gave him one, tender, slow kiss. His lips were rough, and she didn't want to pull away. He hooked his arms around her back and kissed her, his tongue finding it's way into her mouth. She gave him a small moan into his mouth. His kisses were amazing, so passionate and lustful. She didn't know he had it in him. When he pulled away she kissed him gently, once more, then they pulled apart from each other.
"Am I... Interrupting something?" Rick said, standing in the doorway. Beth stopped dead, and Daryl looked embarrassed.
"M-Mr Grimes. I was- I..." She stumbled on her words.
"She was just sayin' goodbye" Daryl looked at her.
"Well, I need you. Judith won't stop crying, I think she wants you" he said.
There was something in the way Rick was looking at her that made it hard to breathe. He didn't just look awkward about finding his babysitter and his best friend making out. He looked angry.
"Yes sir, I'll go over now" she gathered the last bits of glass from the counter, her hands still trembling.
A sharp pain stabbed through her, and she looked down to see red trickling from a cut on her finger. She gasped, covering it with her hand.
"Come 'ere" Daryl whispered, looking at her hand.
"Beth, I can patch that up for ya. Come on darlin'" Rick eyed Daryl up.
She nodded, walking towards him.
"Goodbye, Daryl" she said.
"Bye Beth" he sounded like a beaten puppy.
As soon as they stepped through the door to Rick's house, she heard Judith's screams.
"Come 'ere first, don't want ya gettin' blood all over" he lead her to the kitchen, his hand on her back.
She still sensed his anger. He rummaged through his cupboards until he produced a bandaid. She looked at him, still holding the cut. He guided her to the sink, turning on the tap with one hand and holding her arm with the other. He ran her hand under the water and she tensed, her body jolting back into him.
He let out a harsh breath, and came closer behind her, practically forcing her against the counter with his body. She could feel him against her, his muscles tense against her back. His breath hot on her neck.
Once the cut was clean he turned her around by her hips, still pinning her against the counter. He took her finger and guided it to his mouth. She watched him, her heart beating so hard she was surprised he couldn't feel it. He kissed the cut softly, then ran his tongue across the blood that had started to collect around it.
"So sweet" he whispered, before tearing the bandaid open and wrapping it around her finger. She was shaking, still pressed tightly against him.
"Look at you" he was talking so quietly that she could only just hear what he was saying.
"All grown up" he traced her breasts over her vest. His hands moved to her hips, running down her curves.
"Kissing grown up men... That's not what good girls do"
She felt a spark of bravery, and spoke, "Maybe I'm not as good as everyone thinks I am"
He glared at her, not with anger this time. With a different expression. A look of wanting. Of hunger.
She could feel his hardness starting to press against her hip, and she felt guilty. Guilty because she wanted it. She wanted him.
"Dad! Are you there?" Carl shouted from upstairs.
"Better go get her, Beth" he whispered, pulling himself from her. She felt his eyes on her, watching her as she walked up the stairs.
Once she reached Judith's room she could finally breathe.
"Hey, she won't shut up" Carl said, passing the baby to her.
"Hey baby" she cooed, bouncing her on her hip. "Shush now, shh" Judith's cries died down after a few minutes and she managed to get her back to sleep.
"You're so good with her" Carl said, smiling.
"I think I'm just lucky" she laughed.
"No, it's you. You make her feel safe when no one else can" he said, looking at the ground. "Maybe it's because you're a woman. She might... She might miss having a woman around"
Beth looked at Carl, at his sullen expression, and she felt his pain. She missed her mother every day, and though Carl and Rick never talked about her she knew they missed Lori too. After she put Judith down she kissed Carl lightly over his hair and said goodnight, even though the sun was coming up. It must have been coming close to 4 or 5 am.
She headed towards the door, but as she reached it she changed her mind. She didn't want to say goodbye to Daryl. They both hated goodbyes. She turned around and saw Rick, standing in the kitchen. He looked at her, still with that same look of hunger in his eyes. She looked back at him and gave him the sweetest smile she could manage, then winked at him before heading back up to her room.
Not something a good girl would do.