Work Text:
Warning: suicidal thoughts (with a happy ending)
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Death's imaginary hand wrapped its claws around her throat. She was being suffocated. No matter how much she willed air to come into her lungs, it stayed distant, the atmosphere around her akin to carbon dioxide.
"Sarada!"
He called her name, but she couldn't see his form. Everything was black.
"Sarada-ttebasa!"
A faint crease of light entered her vision. And another. And another. On his palm was a black diamond mark, urging her to reach out and take hold of it.
But even if she did, what would change? He was just an illusion anyway. An illusion her mind created to rescue her from her loneliness. It had been years since she'd seen him...
Her hand faltered, stopping just short of his callused fingertips. And she pulled it back.
Somehow, the suffocation was starting to feel pleasant. Her knees came to her chest as she tucked herself into a ball and sunk down deeper into the void. Her hands reached up to cover her ears. No more. I don't want to hear anymore.
"Sarada!!"
His voice cracked from calling her name too many times. But it fell down around her like her care for the world. She would prefer to die, her lungs starved of oxygen as her vision faded to black.
Despite her wishes, two arms wrapped around her waist and began tugging her out of the space.
Stop. Just leave me here. You don't have to save me. You might get sucked in...
Tears dripped over her eyelids. Why did this illusion care? Why would he put himself at risk to save her? When she didn't even want to be saved?
Her mom was more concerned about strangers than her. Her father was engrossed in his missions, leaving them for years at a time, only to come back for a meal every now and then with the occasional attempt at conversation. Cho-Cho was more interested in potato chips than helping her process her trauma. Sumire made it all too clear that she had feelings for Boruto, so bringing up her worry for him in front of her felt... wrong. Especially when she should have been focusing on becoming the Hokage.
But it was so hard. Her standing in the village was ruined. Her friends had ceased to be themselves. And most importantly, she didn't want to be Hokage of a village... That hated Boruto. She thought if she fought long and hard enough, if she didn't give up, she could fix things. But being Hokage... It felt meaningless without...
I'll be the support role... And protect you well!
She squeezed her eyes shut. If she lost her life on a mission with jonin that weren't even willing to lower her a rope, she would be doing everyone else a favor. It'd been three years. What if he was... Gone? What if all of her struggling was for nothing?
The darkness was comforting now. All encompassing, hiding the terrors of the real world somewhere far far away. If she died, she wouldn't have to bear living with the unbearable feeling of everyone around her thinking that Kawaki was the good guy. The crushing weight of disbelief no matter how hard she tried to make things right.
She could just forfeit. And everyone would be grateful that the last troublesome Uchiha was finally out of the picture.
"Sarada!"
The illusion pulled her out of the space, her lungs filling with oxygen the second she was back on solid ground. But she didn't want it.
She coughed and rolled onto her side, away from that stupid illusion's arms. Fate wouldn't grant her death, even when she asked for it. She'd never get away from the terrors of the genjutsu she cast on herself. The clones that she made to convince herself he was coming back. The words Eida said that echoed through her mind in his voice.
Don't worry... I'll definitely be back. So just wait for me.
"Put me back," she whined, clawing towards the opening, eyes spinning red laced with black triangular dots, unbeknownst to her own self. "Put me back... "
"What are you talking about?!" He refused to let her go.
"I... would be better off dead," she said weakly, her hand falling limp at her side.
The Boruto illusion pinned her, one knee on either side of her hips. His hands fell heavy next to her head, palms punching into the dirt. His shadow felt like a led weight as he loomed overtop of her. "Never say that again."
She looked away as tears rolled off of the bridge of her nose. "You don't know... You don't know what it's like... You're not even real..."
"Sarada. Look at me."
"No!"
It would only make it worse. His blue eyes and kind but yet serious gaze would only remind her of all of the things she could never have.
"Sarada!"
She hesitantly turned towards him, eyelids burning, chest wracking with tension and heaving short breaths. "Please," she begged, her face contorting as her sinuses swelled. "Please just let me go..."
"Never." His body curled around hers, weight sinking into her shoulders, his bangs gently brushing against her temple. "Never in a million years will I ever let you die."
"Why not?!" Her voice came out in a shout. She didn't mean for it to. Even if he was just an illusion, Boruto was the last person she wanted to yell at. But it wasn't him. He wasn't here. He was gone far away and no one even knew who he really was. "It would be better off that way... Everything would be better that way..."
"...Do you even hear yourself?!" His fingers dug into the grass and dirt next to her face, the sheer volume of his voice making her cower. "What would be better off that way? What happened to your dream? Your dream to become the Hokage? What... What happened to you?"
"Just..." She tried to push him off. It was a weak and pathetic attempt. The fact that he wasn't gone yet meant her brain wasn't ready for him to leave. "Leave me alone..."
"No! I refuse! I'm not letting you out of my sight until you tell me what's going on... Please..."
Two salty drops of liquid dripped from his eyes onto her forehead, running down and into her hair.
"Please tell me what's wrong... I... Sarada, I can't lose you..."
"Like I even matter," she mumbled, his imaginary tears only causing her more anguish. They were only dripping onto her face because she wanted them to. She wanted him back more than anything. But even if he came back... Things would never be fully right.
"You mean more than the world to me," he said, his deep blue eyes piercing through the sides of hers and making her heart squeeze in her chest.
Just go away... Go away! Please...
"If you died, I don't think..." He trailed off and bit his lip. "I wouldn't be ok. I would go insane. Your parents. My parents. Mitsuki. The jonin you're leading on this mission. You matter to all of us."
Sarada's lip quivered. There it is... The friendship speech.
"So don't ever stop fighting... Don't pull your hand back... Please..."
Cold seeped back into her chest, her body going limp, eyes unblinking as the tears stopped flowing. "That's enough... Make it stop..."
His body cast the same heavy shadow on her face as he rose to his knees.
This is how it should be... My illusions shouldn't comfort me... I need to go back to Mama and get more of that medic--
He flopped down hard next to her. One arm encircled her back and pulled her into his chest. His mouth and nose buried into the top of her head. His fingers slowly hooked into the back of her vest.
She weakly attempted to push the warmth and comfort away. Her genjutsu didn't mean a thing. No matter how badly she wanted it... Nothing would change. "I said leave me--"
"No." He pulled her closer. "I won't. I'm not leaving here until you tell me what's really wrong."
His whispers made her choke. "Boruto please..." Her hands pressed against his chest, begging her mind to stop torturing her.
"Sarada." He took his arm away from her back only to grab both of her hands with his. She refused to meet his gaze, tears spilling over her cheeks as his thumbs pressed into her palms, his white button-up shirt taking up her entire field of vision... Were those... pins?
"I know this may not matter to you right now... There are still so many things I have to do... But I care about you. More than anyone else in the world. So don't you dare say that it doesn't matter if you die."
Darn him and his stupid voice, his stupid appearance, the realism of her stupid imagination telling her everything she wanted to hear and going so far as to change his stupid outfit. Ducking her head into his chest, she allowed herself to sob, resenting her illusion for being so warm and soft. "Stupid genjustu! Why... Why did you have to save me? Why, when I don't even want to be saved?!"
He sucked in a deep breath.
His hands left hers and ever so gently encircled her as he let out the held air into her hair, one hand tucking into the base of her neck, the other sliding up her back to pull her close. His heart hammered against his ribcage, desperation radiating off of him like heat. He rested his chin on her head, body practically trembling. "Because I love you. And I'm not a genjutsu."
The words caused every muscle in her body to tense in his arms. A heartbeat. Words she would never allow herself to imagine him saying.
"I am helplessly, stupidly in love with you, Uchiha Sarada. So don't you dare ever try to end your own life again."
Her neck muscles repelled his hand as she pulled back, blinking the tears away to get a better look at his face. And that was when she realized. Tears dripped from a worn glassy blue eye, over the bridge of his nose and into the dirt, the scar from where he'd been hurt to save her now fully sealed. His whiskered cheeks dusted with pink as he stared back at her. When he finally blinked, his resolution melted. "Sorry... I didn't want to tell you until after all of this was over... But... I..."
He wasn't lying. He was... real? He was back?? Now????
Was she dreaming? Had she really died in that space and gone to be with him in death?
Even if she had... Even if she was dead...
Eyes fluttering closed, her hand gently rested against the side of his face and wiped his tears away, her forehead coming to rest against his. "I'm sorry..."
If it was really him, she never meant for him to witness this. She wanted him to see her as a strong, capable Hokage. Not someone that would give into weakness. That was why she fought so hard, all this time...
Boruto reached up and gently took her hand. Their eyes were locked, for a mere moment before she shied away and nuzzled down into his chest that seemed to rise and fall with the beat of his heart like a kick-drum.
"You're sure you're real?"
"You really have been hallucinating me?" He chuckled.
It was him. It was really him. Her fingers dug into the fabric of his shirt. "I..."
"Shh... It's ok. You don't have to answer..."
Tension slowly melting into his warmth and familiarity, she tilted her head up slowly. "...Hey, Boruto?"
"Hm?"
"You really... I mean... What you said earlier... Did you..."
He held her close, one hand spreading out over the back of her head. "Mm."
She laid there, listening in disbelief to the decreasing rhythm of his heart. He gently combed his fingers through her short hair, the other hand draped lazily around her waist.
"Sarada," he whispered, his voice nearly getting lost in the breeze.
"Hmm?"
A brief hesitation hung in the air, the rustling leaves filling the silence. "...You heard that?"
"Was I not supposed to?" She raised her head only to find his ears burning red.
"I... Um." The weight of his hand brought her head back into his myriad of necklaces and pins, both arms wrapping snugly around her back. "I just wanted to say your name."
Warmth spread into her cheeks. This must have been heaven. Compared to the hell she was experiencing earlier... "I don't wanna go back... I just want to stay in this nice dream."
The soft rise and fall of his inhales and exhales against her forehead. The warm sunlight against her tearstained face. The gentle breeze stinging her wet eyes. His arms wrapped around her, protecting her from her worst nightmares, enveloping her in his scent.
"Then stay."
"Hmm?"
"We can stay like this for as long as you want..."
"...Boruto?"
His arms slowly crossed over her back. "Just... please..."
"Mmm." She nuzzled her face into his chest, hands gently balling into fists. "I'm sorry..."
Now that he was back, she could bear it. She could bear anything. And she wouldn't lose sight of her goal to become the Hokage. Not now. Not ever.
It still felt surreal. It felt like it wasn't reality. But if this was a dream... She never wanted to wake up.
"Boruto?"
"Hmm?" The deep vibration of his voice underneath of her ear brought a smile to her lips.
"Thank you for saving me."