Work Text:
Saturday, First Quarter
“Moni-hyung! You said you’d go!” Jimin whines, moving to sit beside him on the floor before continuing. “Are you and Jin-hyung still fighting?”
“We’re not fighting, Chim.” Namjoon replies.
“I think you should make up.”
“There’s nothing to make up for, because we’re. not. fighting.”
“But—”
The door opens revealing their grumpy lead rapper. Upon seeing him, Jimin’s face brightens up with a smile, he stands quickly and walks over to grab the older man’s hand.
“Suga-hyung, tell this hard-headed giant to make up with Jin-hyung!”
“Yah!” Namjoon said in protest.
“Baby, let him be.” Yoongi says, pulling Jimin towards him.
“There’s someone with sense.” Namjoon whispers to himself.
Everyone seemed to be mad at him. And unfairly, at that. He was the one who wanted to fix things. Work it out. Everyone knew how in love he was with their hyung, so he just couldn’t understand why they were blaming him.
“Let him be stubborn and miserable. That’s a man’s choice, Minnie.”
“Even you, hyung?”
“Of course. After all, it is /your/ fault.”
“How could it be my fault, hyung? I did everything I could to make it work. He doesn’t even want to talk to me, let alone talk about it like a fucking adult.”
“Yah. Watch your tongue, Joon. Have some respect.”
“I don’t know why all of you are making me the bad guy!”
“Yeah? Well, you’re one of the smartest men in Korea. Figure it out.” And to that, Namjoon has no reply, so just keeps his mouth shut and seethes in silence. He’s convinced he’s woken up in a parallel universe where everything is his fault. That made the most sense, after the treatment he’s been getting from everyone.
“Come on, Min, it’s been a long day, you need to eat and get some sleep. If you faint again, I won’t let you near my studio.” Yoongi says in his usual lazy drawl.
“That was once!”
“One time too many.”
“That’s unfair! You can’t do that, hyung!”
“My lab, my rules.”
“But you promised! You promised that the song is mine!” And by now, Jimin is whining in annoyance and frustration. He starts tugging on the elder’s jacket
“It is. The song is yours, that won’t change.” Yoongi says, with all the adoration he has for the younger man reflected in his little feline eyes. “But we will not continue until I am certain that you will take care of yourself. Now let’s go.”
Namjoon watches the two bicker, half of him happy for his fellow bandmates who they watched dance around their feelings for so long, and the other half, green with jealousy. Why couldn’t Jin just talk to him? He’s sure whatever it is, they could solve it if Jin would just tell him.
Yoongi pulls the door open, and lets Jimin go first, leaning in to whisper in the younger man’s ear. Jimin nods once then looks back and smiles at Namjoon one more time before rushing out the door with a “Bye Moni-hyung!”.
Namjoon watches as Yoongi turns to leave too, hoping that was the last conversation they’d have about it for the night, but he should have known better. Yoongi was never one to hold back words, especially not when he believed them to be true. Halfway out the door, Yoongi stops but doesn’t turn. “For what it’s worth, he’s an idiot too, you’re just a bigger fucking one. Think about it.”
He leaves right after.
——————————————
Namjoon doesn’t go to dinner. Still, he remembers to politely send a text to his members that he can’t go, lying that he doesn’t feel well enough to go, but that they should enjoy themselves and eat the best meat on his behalf.
——————————————
Saturday, Waxing Gibbous nearing the Full Moon
Almost a week later he finds himself sitting in the breakfast nook of their family home.
“Appa, these mangoes are pretty sweet. Where’d you get them?”
“Ah… Seokjinnie came by for tea with your mother last week. He told her these were fresh off the tree, and would take a couple of days to ripen—”
“Jin-hyung?” Namjoon cuts in.
“Yes, Joon-ah” His father says, exasperated. “Seokjin. BTS Jin. Kim Seokjin. Your Jin-hyung.”
“Why would he come by?”
“Well, I’m not so sure. He left in a hurry so I wasn’t able to talk to him. He must be so busy, and yet still made time for her. Thank him again for me, will you?”
“Yeah, sure.” He replies absent-mindedly, stuck wondering about the state of the fruits on their counter.
The mangoes were perfectly ripe, and they’ve been here a week now? Jin-hyung never brought them fruits that weren’t ready to eat yet. He always delivered them at the perfect time, always talking about how impatient he knew they would be to wait for the fruits to be ready. Then why would he bring unripe mangoes… Unless he prepared them in a rush, and if he did, then what would be so urgent he had to—
Namjoon gets up so quickly the stool he’s sitting on almost falls over.
“Appa, I gotta go!” He shouts while running out of their family home, not waiting for a reply.
——————————————
Namjoon storms into their company building with the energy of a man possessed, and — thank Heavens! — finds the man he’s looking for in the first place he goes looking — the vocal training room situated on the same floor as his studio, but on the opposite end of the building. So near, and yet so far, exactly how it felt with Jin the past week.
“Joon, what are you doing here?”
He gives no response as he strides towards the man, and grabs his arm, pulling him in the direction of Rkive. They walk in silence, he’s surprised, he thought his hyung would put up a fight, but he’s grateful he didn’t. Once they reach his studio, he quickly unlocks the door and ushers the other man in and shuts the door.
He takes a deep breath before turning to speak.
“Hyung, I made a mistake that night.”
“No, I did.”
“Don’t be silly. We both know it was my fault.”
“I shouldn’t have asked for you to fight for me.” Namjoon sees Jin’s already upset face. His pillowy lips form a small O-shape, as his jaw drops down.
“No. That’s… Joon I —” (and Jin had already expected the worst, but those words coming out of Joon’s mouth were a nightmare worth crying years over. Nothing to be done now though, not when he was the one who pushed the man away.)
“No, hyung, I have been listening to you and letting you make the decisions for the both of us from the start. That was my first and gravest mistake, and I won’t make the same mistake ever again. Especially not after what it cost me the first time around.” Namjoon says as he swipes a hand down his face. “Now you listen to me hyung.”
Eyes wide, mouth agape, it seems that Namjoon has once again made a speechless man out of him.
“When we met, I instantly knew that you would turn my whole world upside down. And truthfully, I never made an effort to resist the pull you had on me. I just accepted it and lived with it, held it close like it had always been a part of me.”
Namjoon steps closer — close enough to feel his hyung’s breath on his jaw — and slowly brings up a shaking hand towards the other’s face. Hesitant for a moment, curling almost into a fist before growing certain and laying itself against his moon’s cheek.
He watches Jin’s eyes flutter close, face nuzzling helplessly closer to his palm, and just like that, Namjoon feels a genuine smile settle on his lips for the first time in weeks.
‘How ironic,’ Namjoon thinks to himself. ‘That this man be likened to the moon when there is not one blemish or imperfection on his beautiful face? And yet, in the same breath, he considers how apt it is, that Kim Seokjin is the moon. He is the moon to his world. After all, there is nothing and no one in this world that can throw the tides of his heart in such disarray like this man could.’
“You were always the most selfless person in the group. I knew. I knew and yet I still made the mistake of asking you to be the exact opposite, asking you to go against your nature to prove you love me.”
He brings his right hand to cup the older man’s cheek. Both hands now holding onto his moon’s face, his thumbs brushing slowly, lightly over Jin’s soft cheeks, and he waits. Waits until Jin opens his eyes and matches his before he says:
“Eomma spoke to you, didn’t she?”
And Jin, for all the years he spent on acting workshops to become one of the best actors in his graduating class — and in Namjoon’s opinion, their generation too — still never learned to tell a lie. He startles, so obviously, or maybe it’s because Namjoon has placed an unquantifiable amount of effort to memorize every crease and twitch of Jin’s face, that every small movement was a mountain of information landsliding.
It starts with his brows. They come together forming lines on his forehead, all of which Namjoon wastes no time to rub away. Then his eyes, which grow wide and frantic, before his bottom lip starts trembling and is half hidden with the way he bites it.
“What? No! She didn’t!” Jin shakes his head, leans back to try to pull away, eyes looking everywhere but on Namjoon’s.
But he’s no match for Namjoon’s strength. Namjoon whose hold doesn’t really loosen or tighten over Jin’s face. It’s just there, solid and steady until Namjoon’s right hand moves away — and Jin would mourn the loss of its heat if not for the fact that it comes to encircle his waist.
“Don’t lie to me, hyung.”
“I’m not! I made that decision because I wanted to —”
“Yah. Kim Seokjin.” He says voice low instead of shouting, because Namjoon never shouts. He never has to. Not in a room full of people, not in a crowd of millions, and especially not with Seokjin, who listens to him first, before anyone else… except perhaps for that singular, most traitorous, and unforgivable voice, who whispered in the ears of the man he loves. The man who could not in his gigantic, kind heart find a way to say no.
Jin had no choice but to stay quiet, his lips red from all the biting and nibbling he’s been doing due to nervousness. And once again, Namjoon has to wonder how a humble man like him deserved the love of a man like Kim Seokjin. Internally, though, he smiles. Kim Seokjin. It’s like the heavens knew how possessive — quiet though he may be — he is of his love. The fact that he doesn't even have to marry the man to bear the same name as him. Not that it wasn't in the cards. It definitely was. He just needed to fix this.
“Don’t treat me like I’m stupid.” Namjoon looks at his lips, walks forward a half step… maybe an eighth of a step if he was honest. This was the closest two objects of matter could be without merging into one. “You always told me you loved my ‘sexy brain’ didn't you? You didn’t think I’d figure it out?”
Jin remains silent, still. So Namjoon continues.
“I remember everything you said that day, when you told me why we couldn’t be together.” And there it is again, the small crease on his beloved’s forehead.
“She found out, didn’t she? And she spoke to you, instead of me, because she knew you would cave.”
——————————————
Thursday, Waxing Crescent
“I can’t be gay, Namjoon,” Jin whimpered, “my family… your family, no one will accept us.”
“So you will let me and yourself be unhappy all for the sake of being socially acceptable?” Namjoon dropped his hands on his lap, his shoulders sagging, “you will think about my family, your family, the fans, the world and ignore what you want, what I want?”
Jin doesn’t answer. He doesn’t even look up for a long while, and when he does, it’s just to say goodbye before he leaves.
The night was too dark with no moon in sight. It was hidden behind the dark clouds that threatened a heavy downpour of rain.
——————————————
“My family… They want me to get married, sure. They wanted it so much that they did everything. They found the woman, set me up, and negotiated the marriage. So you weren’t wrong, you still aren’t.”
Jin looks horrified now.
“But your family? Hyung is already married and with child. Unlike our family, your family line is already secured. Your parents have seen you courted by your classmates in school, but while I’m sure they hoped, you never brought home a woman. Never even showed interest in them. I’m sure they knew. Otherwise, why would Abeonim speak to me? He saw the way I looked at you. He told me what he would have his men do to me if I did anything to hurt you or make you cry.”
“And the fans, fuck, half of them think we’re already married, and the other half who don’t think we’re headed in that direction anyway.”
He grabs the older man’s chin, and forces him to meet his gaze.
“No more lying, hyung. I already know.”
He watches the fight leave Jin’s body; watches how the tears pooled in Jin’s eyes now fall beautifully down his cheeks, as if choreographed, before his arms are full — so perfectly filled — with the love of his life.
“Joon, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. ”
“It’s okay, hyung.”
“I’m sorry!”
“Shh. There’s nothing to forgive.”
“Joonie…”
“Shh. It’s okay, hyung. I’ve got you.” He rubs circles on his beautiful moon’s back. “Whatever happens, I will bear the blame. I will be the one to answer to them, so just trust me, okay?”
——————————————
Saturday, Full Moon
The moon is huge and round, and as always, so very beautiful, surrounded by the twinkling stars and not a dark cloud in sight to hide behind. And as much as Namjoon adores looking at the night sky, he has a more mesmerizing view lying in his bed. One that he has missed looking at far too much.
His Jin-hyung is sleeping so adorably in his bed, wearing one of Namjoon’s older shirts. It isn’t that late, he would even go as far as to say it was early, much too early for his night-owl of a lover to be so deeply asleep. But given the circumstances, he was glad that Jin had found sleep as soon as his head hit the pillow — or more correctly, Namjoon’s chest.
He had struggled to get Jin to let go of him, even as deeply asleep as he was, and truthfully, Namjoon had been completely unwilling to let him go either, if not for the phone call that he was restless to make.
He picks up his phone from the bedside table and walks towards the walk-in closet for privacy. His Jin-hyung did not need to hear this conversation.
He unlocks his phone and goes to his favorite contacts and clicks the second one. The phone rings twice before his mother’s happy voice comes through.
“Namjoon-ah, aigoo, did you miss Eomma? Have yo—”
“Eomma, I know.” He cuts her off.
“I don’t quite understand, Joon-ah.” But now her voice was uncertain, a tad afraid.
“Jin-hyung didn’t tell me, but I figured it out.”
He was met with silence, so he pushed on.
“Eomma, you trust me, don’t you? To be the best human I can become? You trusted the hopes of a young teen who wanted to make it big in the rap industry, can you not trust the dreams of a man who has held his universe in his hands and refuses to let it go?”
More silence. “I love him, Eomma. And you’ve seen how much he loves me. How much he respects you. I’ve chosen well, haven’t I? The best. I’m only so lucky that he has chosen me as well.”
Still, silence. It took a while for his mother to give a response, and even then, it was the softest murmur. He would have missed it if not for the deafening quiet in the room he was in.
“I’m sorry, Joon-ah. I’m sorry I got in the way. I just want you to be happy.”
“I forgive you, Eomma, and I’m glad we finally have your blessing. Thank you. But Eomma, please never do this again. This once, I can forgive you, but if you ever put Jin-hyung in this position ever again, I will not hesitate.” To cut you off, are the unspoken words. They need not be said. “There is simply nothing worth losing him over. Good night.
With that out of the way, Namjoon goes back to bed and scoops his hyung back onto his chest, finally feeling sleep come to him.
——————————————
Sunday, Waning Gibbous
“Joonie…”
“Hmm?”
“It’s too early, please go back to sleep.”
“I’m not sleepy.”
“But what about me?”
“You just go back to sleep.”
“You took away my pillow.”
“Your pillow is in the same spot it was last night, not that you had any use for it seeing as you slept on my chest anyway.”
“Exactly. So move my /pillow/ back, so I can sleep.”
“But I want to keep looking at you.”
“I’m not going to disappear, Joonie.”
“I know.”
“But?”
“I just want to be sure.”
“You missed hyung’s jajangmyeon right? I’ll cook it for breakfast later if you go back to sleep with me.”
“How about I give you my arm in exchange for your jajangmyeon?” Namjoon flashes him a big smile, much too energetic for the time of day. “You get to sleep. I get to look at you a bit more. It’s a win-win!”
“And then you’ll go back to sleep?”
“Yes, I will.”
——————————————
The next time Jin wakes up, it’s with his back to Namjoon’s chest. His big baby’s arms around him, heavy and secure. Their legs are intertwined under the blankets. As if he were going to slip away before the man could wake up and stop him. He could feel Namjoon’s breath tickling his nape, and occasionally the younger man’s arms would grip him just a little tighter, relaxing when he felt the mass that was Jin’s body.
He turns, carefully, so as not to wake the younger man.
“Joon-ah, I love you.”
——————————————
The Earth shares so many things with the other planets — the Sun, the stars — but if there’s one thing that’s truly just the world’s own, it’s Luna, its Moon. Small and rough around the edges, but beautiful all the same, and most importantly, without a question, belonging only to the Earth.