Chapter Text
There was one certainty about Rui and Tsukasa's relationship. It was something that Rui knew to be an absolute truth. No matter how much Tsukasa loves him, adores him, takes care of him, he does not desire him.
He never has,
"Ack— Shit— Rui..!"
Every lovely compliment given to him, every action Tsukasa does, avoids the chance to be intimate with him. Rui will kiss him and Tsukasa will kiss back, Rui will push him down and Tsukasa will give in, but that's it. Tsukasa tells him to stop, and he will stop. Tsukasa says to keep going, and he will keep going.
Each of Tsukasa's compliments and impassioned displays of affection are never about Rui's appearance. His physicality is an afterthought to Tsukasa. It's always his genius ideas, his wonderful voice, anything other than the way Rui looks. And that's okay, Rui has resigned himself to understanding that Tsukasa doesn't desire him. He loves him, and that's enough.
Rui's breathing quickens, his bright yellow eyes trained on the boy below him.
This fact has manifested into the main outcome: Rui is always the one in charge in bed. Truthfully, he never expected it to be any other way. Rui knows how he looks, and the things he says and does are always weirding people out. No one would want to fuck a man who talks like he's one step away from being arrested for having explosives. No, they always want to be held down and raped by men like that. Rui would never rape anyone, but Tsukasa certainly acts like he wants Rui to.
So Rui gives it to him roughly. His hands grip Tsukasa's windpipe tighter, listening to the desperate chokes and gargles from the man below him. Maybe he's squeezing too tightly, his strong thrusts against Tsukasa's ass seemed to keep him from breathing well enough on their own. The choking is unnecessary. Rui is too lost in his thoughts to care.
He must look absolutely wicked, with the fearful look Tsukasa is giving him. A sinister smile is plastered on his face, pupils likely dilated into a pinprick. Rui licks his teeth for good measure, trying to look like he'd devour the boy beneath him. The pitiful moan he gets in response is just what he expected,
"Tsukasa-kun always gets what he deserves." Rui coos, his voice silly smooth. They're in the Tenma household. Tsukasa lies on his back on his perfectly made bed, face blooming a beautiful shade of red. They're probably fucking loud enough for Saki to hear. Rui doesn't care. He never cared, "And what does Tsukasa-kun deserve?"
"H-Harder…" Tsukasa's voice is thin. The booming volume of his usual speech is completely unrecognizable like this. Rui can see the appeal. Drawing out sounds and expressions Tsukasa would never make on his own has an addictive property to it,
"Tsukasa-kun thinks he deserves it harder?" Rui asks, tilting his head. Tsukasa takes his cock like he was made for it. He does it with adorable noises and terrible squirming. The nod he gives Rui has desperate fervor. An impossible yearning and begging. Begging for Rui to defile him in disgusting and horrible ways.
It's Tsukasa's request. Tsukasa's desire. Tsukasa wants his parents to hear. For Saki to see. Pleads for the whole world to behold his glory at every hour of the day. It's Rui's job to push him to his limits. As a director he's the one carrying all of the responsibility. In order to create a stage for Tsukasa to shine in, he must take it to the extreme. In every way. The bed is no exception. Even if it hurts him. Even if he doesn't want to.
Rui wonders how long it will take for him to break. That this can't keep going, he can't keep doing this to Tsukasa. It's not like Tsukasa initiated things to be this intense. Rui just thought that's what was expected of him. He's supposed to be wicked and cruel. That's what everyone in his life has always expected of him. Even with Tsukasa supposedly being his freedom from those terrible stares and expectations, all he gets is forced to continue to be cruel. Tsukasa wants it. So Rui gives it.
Does this count as self harm?
Tsukasa's insides are slippery with lubricant, aiding in his conquest over his star's body. There's a story there. A hidden meaning behind the language. A director's desire to make a star shine for the whole world, yet secretly wanting the star's light all for himself. Selfishness taking over instead of charity, locking the star away so only the director is privy to him. That's the role Rui has put on. It isn't the truth. Yes, he wants to make Tsukasa shine. But to keep that light all to himself? No, that isn't it. Rui wants to ensure Tsukasa is the world's future star of his dreams. If that means he has to let go, he will. He doesn't want to, but he will.
Rui has no right to desire anything more than this. Giving everything he has into someone else is just the kind of life he was looking for. An existence defined by someone else isn't a fulfilling one, but someone as horrible as himself surely must exist in this empty sort of plane. And Tsukasa is so full. He's filled with so many wonderful ideas and filled with so much love. Rui's own ideas might be fantastical, but Tsukasa's are simply better. They're better because Tsukasa was the one to have them, not Rui.
With a sudden movement, Rui releases Tsukasa's neck. His hips slow down as he lets Tsukasa wheeze for air. Desperate gulps turn to coughs as he tries to regain his ability to breathe. Rui doesn't sit still, instead moving with subtle, languid rocks of his hips. They're hardly perceptible, but they're there, continuing to slowly churn Tsukasa's insides, despite how gentle it is,
"Tsukasa-kun looks so cute when he's trying to breathe." Rui muses while he watches, smiling to himself, "You always manage to make everything feel special, Tsukasa-kun. I envy you, I really do."
"All b-because of you." Tsukasa struggles to speak, his hands grabbing at Rui's shoulders, "Keep going… I can take more."
"I know you can, Tsukasa-kun. Because you have no choice." Rui hates treating him like this. He really, really does. Even if he isn't actually forcing Tsukasa to do anything. The concept of it, the thought of hypothetically hurting him, makes Rui feel like the scum of the Earth. Well, he's already the scum of the Earth, already garbage. Dragging Tsukasa to this level just reminds him of his place.
Even still, Rui once again returns to the quick pace he gave Tsukasa while he was choking him. His thrusts are firm and sure, fucking into Tsukasa with an even pace. The warmth inside of him is boiling. It's all too welcoming. If Rui were just slightly more delusional, he could think he belongs there. Truly, though, he knows he doesn't. He doesn't belong anywhere this close to Tsukasa. It's a privilege he doesn't deserve, but one he has anyways.
That glorious warmth is too much. It swallows Rui's dick whole again and again, Tsukasa's moans and sobs like music to Rui's ears. No matter how much he may hate this, Tsukasa's enjoyment makes it all worth it.
Selfishly, Rui leans down, planting a delicate, soft kiss upon Tsukasa's lips. He returns it with enthusiasm and passion. Nothing Tsukasa ever does is in moderation, it's really quite admirable. With a quick beating heart and lungs out of breath, Rui finds himself right at the precipice. It's not enough for Tsukasa, he understands that implicitly, but Rui can't pull away. Tsukasa is selfish right back in the kiss, holding Rui closer and closer, making him bend down into him with desperation.
A pathetic whimper moves from Rui's mouth into Tsukasa's, his cock throbbing inside of Tsukasa as he cums inside of him. Sweat coats Rui's skin, and he forces himself to pull away, looking down at the beautiful man beneath him. Tsukasa is still hard, even though he looks at Rui with a satisfied, dazed look, Rui can't accept this. It's an inadequate job. Always a failure.
Rui quickly pulls out of Tsukasa. There's a cry from the man beneath him. Out of confusion? Concern? It doesn't matter. Hands grab the exposed ass beneath him. Without any words, Rui pushes up, practically folding Tsukasa in half. Then, upon spreading Tsukasa's ass apart, Rui drags his tongue against the abused, pink hole.
God, his cum tastes horrible. How does Tsukasa stand this flavor on his tongue? The mucus consistency is disgusting to Rui, almost revoltingly so. The bitter, salty flavor only makes it worse. It blossoms into Rui's mouth, like a vile flower, filling his mouth with its deadly perfume.
Once again, Tsukasa's enjoyment makes it all worth it. His delicate hole twitches against Rui's tongue, moans spilling out from his lips uncontrollably. Strong hands tangle in Rui's messy, purple hair, holding him still. It's a rough tug on his scalp, eliciting a moan from Rui into Tsukasa's body. Despite Tsukasa's clear pleasure, Rui decides to ensure his full enjoyment, wrapping a hand around the shaft of his dick, stroking it fast,
"Rui—!" Tsukasa almost shouts his name. Yellow eyes flick up to watch the word form on his lips, "Fuck, Rui, please, I'm close— Slow down!" Despite the plea for it, Rui can't bring himself to go through with the request. Rui pushes his tongue inside of him, trying to lick up as much of his vile cum as possible.
The cock in Rui's hand pulsates, cum spurting out of the head. Rui continues to stroke his cock, wringing out as much cum out of Tsukasa's dick as possible. Loud whimpers escape Tsukasa as Rui continues his assault on him. No matter how much Rui may hate the taste on his tongue, he must do a complete, perfect job,
"Rui… I can't…" Tsukasa sounds like he's going to cry. It practically shatters Rui's heart. To make this man cry is the ultimate sin. Rui is lower than filth. Disgusting, nothing more than a horrid stain on the world. A blotch on Tsukasa's perfect life. Finally, Rui licks out the final detestable drop of cum from within Tsukasa, and he pulls away.
Breathing hard, Rui really gets a chance to look at Tsukasa. Tears rest in the corners of his beautiful amber eyes. Blonde hair is matted to his forehead, clinging to his skin with sweat. Kiss swollen red lips rest apart, his chest heaving as he breathes.
As Rui sits up, Tsukasa's legs move slowly back down, allowing him to relax more. Despite how much Rui may hate the consistency, he must ensure Tsukasa's happiness. With how much of a neat freak his little star is, he knows he has to clean up Tsukasa's own ecstasy. So he bends back down, dragging his tongue along Tsukasa's firm stomach. His skin is smooth and soft, the flavor of Tsukasa's cum is much nicer than Rui's. It isn't often Rui gets to taste it, Tsukasa rarely is in a position where Rui would get a chance to.
Rui has never even sucked Tsukasa's dick. That's how much Tsukasa despises him. Tsukasa sees Rui as a dildo in bed, nothing more. Outside of that, he's a lovely partner and a beautiful star Rui wants to elevate to grand heights. But Tsukasa doesn't want to hold him or cherish him. Never Rui. Always Tsukasa.
Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, Rui once more sits upright. This time, he gets to his feet and grabs his boxers and jeans from the ground, "I'm just brushing my teeth." He says, glancing over to Tsukasa out of the corner of his eye. His star lies on his back, staring at the ceiling unmoving. He's still basking in the afterglow.
After quickly getting dressed, Rui heads out of Tsukasa's room. Compared to the darkness of the bedroom, the hallway is blinding. Every light is on, and the sound of the television from the living room can be heard all the way on this side of the house. It's not loud enough to make out any sound in particular, just barely loud enough to know it's there. Rui isn't used to a house this lively. He's used to empty rooms and dark halls. Silence that permeates even the happiest of moments.
This house was lonely once too. That's something Rui can't forget. It's evident in the bathroom, the obsessive cleanliness of the porcelain and tile. There should be a history of family use here. Instead, only Tsukasa's presence seems to really exist here. Saki and their parents were only added later. And Rui's own temporary toothbrush is just due to his frequent sleepovers.
Maybe they should stop this. In the reflection, Rui sees a horrible monster. Rui should take his toothbrush, grab his shirt from Tsukasa's room, and run away. There's nothing left for him here. He's done his job, he's taken care of Tsukasa like everyone expects of him. Tsukasa, who can cook and clean and do everything himself, needs to be taken care of by a man child who's just skin and bones.
Bones hide just beneath the flesh. It wouldn't be hard to peel away Rui's skin and expose him for what he is. Instead of a heart, inside of him would be nothing. He has to be heartless in order to do the things he does. All Rui will ever do is hurt people. No matter how hard he tries to ensure that safety is always taken into account, everyone just expects him to be violent and hateful. He should lean into that role.
Bristles scrub away at plaque on sharp fangs. The lingering taste of their combined crime slowly gets replaced with peppermint foam. This sanitary escape allows Rui to delude himself that he's freeing himself from the scent that clings to his body. Without a proper shower, he won't be able to truly wash away what he had just done. He doesn't want to keep Tsukasa waiting for long. Even leaving him alone like this is far too cruel. Perhaps he's already accepted the role everyone has imposed on him, and he hasn't even realized it. Maybe he's always been just what everyone has wanted from him.
Rui spits out the foam into the sink and turns on the faucet. Slowly, it swirls into the drain, sinking into the abyss, never to be seen again. An inaccurate statement, but a statement nonetheless. All water is reused on Earth, recycled again and again through all the millions of years that this rock has been orbiting its star. And yet, this exact instance of water, in this specific faucet and that specific amount of saliva and toothpaste and cum, will likely never be seen again.
He turns off the faucet. There's no need to think about that.
The walk back to the bedroom is better than the walk to the bathroom. While it means he'll have to see the results of his actions, at least it means he won't have a yellow eyed monster staring him down. Tsukasa makes everything better, too.
Tsukasa is the sole reason for this perpetuating as long as it has. Rui worships the ground he walks on, kissing the ground at his feet given any opportunity. He will offer to be Tsukasa's chair if there aren't enough seats. Rui will do anything for Tsukasa if it means he is happy. This intimacy is just an extension of that rule. It should be part of Rui's routine by now, and yet this same empty sort of dread fills his gut.
Darkness swallows him up as he steps back inside of Tsukasa's bedroom, closing the door quietly behind him. His partner remains lying on the bed, watching the door with a sickeningly fond expression on his face. A warm smile, with nothing but the kindest eyes possible. Rui doesn't deserve to be looked at like that,
"There's something on your mind." Despite the statement, the expression doesn't leave Tsukasa's face. There's a soft rustling of sheets as he moves over to make room for Rui on the bed, "I could tell."
"What could Tsukasa-kun possibly be talking about?" Rui laughs at him with a dismissive shake of his head. Bury it down. Push it all away. These feelings of inadequacy and self hatred do nothing to help Tsukasa. Concern and worry have no right to be directed at a monster like him, "The only thing I could be thinking about is you, Tsukasa-kun."
"Am I still in your thoughts, then?" The soft expression slowly fades from Tsukasa's face, a more neutral look taking its place. He pats the space behind him on the bed, trying to get Rui close, "I suppose a star like me must have a lasting effect on you!"
"Oh yes, you always leave that sort of impression on me." There's a smile then, and Rui slowly makes his way to the bed. His approach is careful, as though he doesn't want to startle Tsukasa, despite him being completely relaxed, "You're never far from my mind."
"Neither are you." Tsukasa says it endearingly. Right when the mattress sinks beneath Rui's negligible weight, arms are thrown around his shoulders. An involuntary yelp of surprise escapes him as Tsukasa pulls him down for a warm, loving embrace. It's far more than anything Rui deserves, "You were amazing, you know. As usual."
"So was Tsukasa-kun. I thought your performance was stellar this time around." Cold fingertips trace the soft skin of a cheek. Tsukasa is starting to get stubble close to the back of his jaw. Rui is impressed, but not surprised. Perhaps in a few months he'll have to start shaving. His star always finds new ways to excel, "Though you could always be quieter. I worry your parents or even Sa—"
"NOT ANOTHER WORD." Tsukasa shouts, releasing Rui from the hug and instead opting to fold his pillow over his head as makeshift ear mufflers. The ridiculous action just makes Rui laugh, his signature cunning smile on his face, "I don't want to even think about them overhearing such indignity!"
"Oya? Is Tsukasa-kun worried about Saki-kun's innocence?" Teasing Tsukasa like this is far too fun, and far too easy. No matter how much he may complain, Tsukasa knows Rui does it out of love, "I think you're forgetting that Saki-kun has— three, was it?— girlfriends. I doubt she's as innocent as you think."
"I'll have a talk with her on that, mark my words!" Tsukasa counters, pulling the pillow off of his head and instead using it as a cruelly violent weapon, hitting Rui with it. It doesn't hurt at all,
"Oh, Tsukasa-kun, you wound me!" Rui cries, dramatically throwing himself across Tsukasa's lap, as though the strike from the pillow knocked him over, "Woe is me! Tsukasa-kun deems it appropriate to hit his loving and doting partner! Despite the fact that I do so much for him, I am nothing but abused by Tsukasa-kun's cruel hands!"
"You're ridiculous." The boy above Rui sighs out. All that statement ends up getting in response is yet another laugh from Rui's lips, "You know I really like you, right?"
"Where's this coming from?" The sudden tone shift scares Rui. He doesn't want Tsukasa to be upset with him. Or worse, worried about Rui's wellbeing. Well, more worried than he usually is,
"Nothing, I was just saying it." Tsukasa mumbles it with a blush, turning his head away. As though he were embarrassed to say it, despite loudly declaring Rui as his boyfriend for the whole school to hear when they first started dating. That was certainly embarrassing, rather than just saying it when it's the two of them.
Rui sits upright, kissing Tsukasa chastely on the lips, "Lie back down for me." He says quietly, placing a hand on the center of Tsukasa's bare chest,
"Rui I don't think I can do another round—"
"This is just to cuddle, get your mind out of the gutter." There's an indignant squeak from Tsukasa as Rui says it, pushing him down on the bed and rolling him over.
Tsukasa's back is warm and solid against Rui's chest. The shorter boy fits perfectly in his arms. This is the way things are meant to be, with the cruel monster holding the star hostage. Keeping the star all to himself. Enshrouding him in a dark embrace. Even if this monster is meant to make the star brighter, in the end, every touch will only sully the star more. Its light will dim, and eventually flicker out.
Then, the darkness won't be needed anymore. A supernova comes next, and the star transcends its original shape. It will reach farther than it did before, expanding past the size of several solar systems. Once Tsukasa outgrows Rui, Rui will merely be an afterthought. It's his job to smother Tsukasa until then, fuck him brainless until Tsukasa wisens up and leaves, never giving anything in return—
"Hey, um, Rui?" The silence between the two is interrupted. Tsukasa says Rui's name without any confidence. It scares him,
"Is something wrong, Tsukasa-kun?"
"Next time…" Tsukasa trails off, and it's so unusual Rui feels his stomach churn. A proposal like this must be deeply important. Perhaps this is it. Tsukasa wanted one last fuck and now he's done, discarding the trash where it belongs. Rui should gather his things and leave. Rui should kill himself for hurting Tsukasa—
"Next time, I want to take care of you." Tsukasa finally says, swallowing around the words as though he were truly nervous, "I… I want to fuck you. Next time."
"Huh?"
Rui is stupefied,
"Did I do something wrong?" He asks the question immediately, his heartbeat quickening. The organ pounds against Rui's ribcage, threatening to break past the fragile bone and cartilage, "I didn't do a good job, didn't I? Tsukasa-kun didn't like sex with me at all, and wants to—"
"Stop." The statement is clear and firm. Rui's teeth clack together from the force he uses to close his jaw, "I just… You've been doing it every time and I want… I want to reciprocate. Sometimes I worry that I'm not doing enough for you. I know that's not true, but I still want to do it. For you. Because I like you, and want you to know it."
Everything Rui has been thinking about is wrong. It's entirely wrong. Tsukasa does love him. Nevermind the fact that Tsukasa struggles to get the words out. As though he were reading a script for the first time. Forcing the words out with disgust. He must hate the notion, but wants to do it anyway. Tsukasa is willing to do this because he cares. He only wants things to be fair. He knows you're disgusting and vile. Everyone knows how horrible you are, even an idiot like him would notice it. All you're ever meant to do is hurt the ones you love. That's always what's expected of you, so it's what you have to do.
The conflicting feelings of being warmed at the sentiment and afraid of forcing Tsukasa to say this battle in Rui's head for what feels like ages, but in the end, Rui must give a verbal response, no matter what feelings he might have,
"... Sure." He whispers, feeling his face heat up. It's bashful in tone. Perhaps the warm feeling won out, in the end. After all, Rui hadn't proposed the idea. Maybe Tsukasa really is interested in him. Maybe Tsukasa truly does desire him, "I'd like that, I think."
"Great!" Despite Tsukasa not facing Rui, he can imagine the big grin on his face, "Next time we do this, then, whenever that may be!"
"Yeah." Leaning forward, Rui buries his nose in the back of Tsukasa's head. Blond hair tickles his nostrils, but he doesn't really care. He needs something to hide behind, even if he can't be seen.
Rui holds Tsukasa close that night, imagining the encounter in the future. He wonders what it would feel like to have such affection directed towards him. Tsukasa would be an enthusiastic lover, someone who wants to ensure Rui is enjoying it, yet would probably prioritize his own needs before his partner's. That's okay, Rui would like that. If Tsukasa used him to chase his pleasure. It would make Rui feel less empty.