Archive of Our Own

“ She loves me. ”

Neon plucked off a small, white petal, watching it fall on top of the growing mess of pink and white below.

Surely she had to, right? All those looks, all those moments– they had to have been something more. They couldn’t have just been by accident, and knowing Hazal, she wouldn’t have been like… like that, without a reason. 

But then again– Tala has always been a bit of a hopeful romantic.

“ She loves me not. ”

Neon plucked off another petal, dropping it with a careless sigh.

Or, maybe not. Maybe Hazal was just taking pity on Tala after all. 

There’s not that much to love about Tala, in her opinion. It was somewhat understandable to like Neon, she supposed, but to love her? What a strange idea. It felt oddly foreign, the thought that someone would want to hold her, to kiss her, to love her in spite of the constant danger they’d be in just by touching her.

“ She loves me. ”

Neon plucked off another petal, hesitating before letting it twirl to the ground. 

But couldn’t Tala be hopeful? Couldn’t Tala hope that maybe, her feelings were reciprocated?

After all, despite a few burns and mishaps, Hazal had always been willing to forgive those times, gently holding Tala’s trembling, calloused hands whenever she broke down from the frustration of her cursed Radiance, her cursed circumstances, her cursed inability to ever get close, to ever connect to another person like any normal person could. 

Nobody held Tala’s hands like that. Nobody seemed so willing to get hurt for her.

“ She loves me not. ”

Neon plucked off another petal, so deep in her thoughts that all she could see were sad, spiraling petals littered on the ground.

All the more reason to stay away then, no? 

Perhaps Hazal was just helping Tala… out of pity. Maybe Sage had told Hazal to help her, to keep Tala and her busted Radiance in check. Now that ’d be embarrassing– falling in love with somebody, only to learn they were coerced into that awful, awkward situation.

Neon froze at the sight of the last petal still jutting out of the stem, and with a frustrated groan, she fell back against the couch, moping to again be left at the irritating sign that even the universe was trying to tell her something, that maybe– just maybe !– her feelings weren’t in vain.

Even though she was positive, she was so sure, she had misread something; Neon had to have gotten everything wrong, right? 

It was so silly, to think of the possibility that Hazal would think all the weird things Tala was thinking. It just wasn’t in the image of the Turkish Agent, to be loving. How ridiculous– as if Hazal would like her back. As if Hazal would ever say “I love you”. As if this stupid flower game of warring hope and self-contempt would be of any sort of help to Tala.

A slow sigh left Neon.

Or… Maybe, Tala was scared to admit what reciprocation would entail. Maybe she wasn’t ready, even if Hazal were– Tala might fuck up their relationship by letting love get in the way. Perhaps the best way was to stop hoping, to give up, to just admit there’s no chance. Even if for some reason she was right, if for some reason Hazal loved her back, maybe all she’d do was hurt the poor woman. Wouldn’t that just be awful? To be another burden, another confusing factor in Hazal’s hectic life? 

After all. Tala wasn’t the only one struggling in their relationship; who’s to say that Tala wouldn’t hinder Hazal by wounding her where it hurt the most?

Neon glumly stared at the last petal, twirling the single-petalled stem between her fingers as she pondered on whether to pluck the petal just to finish this foolish game she started, or whether to drop the stem and not pick up again on the silly, naive hope.

‘ ... This is so stupid. Who am I kidding; of course she doesn’t. Maybe… probably. ’

“Tala?”

Nearly jumping out of her skin at the sudden intrusion, Neon turned to see– ah . Dread quickly overtook her embarrassment as she recognized that- that horrible gaze.

Hazal.

“O-Oh- uh, hi. Need something?”

Fade sheepishly shrugged. “... No, not really. But he was.”

Confusedly looking for this mysterious “he”, Neon immediately smiled as a little cloud of glowing pink and grey smog ghosted past her leg, sending up a small storm of petals as it passed through her messy desires. The loose figure of the Prowler twisted, becoming denser to better form the recognizable silhouette of a housecat as it jumped up next to Tala on the couch.

Offering the Prowler her hand, Neon giggled as the feline-like creature harmlessly bit her fingers, its teeth dispersing to smoke before it could prick the skin. For as real as Fade’s Prowler felt, it was always funny to Neon that he could never cause any actual damage– other than the whole “eating your face and blinding you and scaring you” ability, of course.

“Hey buddy, what’s up? Aren’t you feeling playful today, huh?”

The Prowler simply growled in response, continuing to harmlessly chomp through Neon’s hand with its smoky jaws, and Neon turned to Fade with a puzzled look. 

“Is he trying to hurt me?”

“Nah. Doubt it. He likes to do that sometimes when people get sad. Just to get people’s attention.”

“I-I’m not sad though.” Neon’s smile slowly melted to a frown, suddenly remembering what she had been doing just before Fade’s unexpected appearance. She did not like it when Hazal simply raised an eyebrow to the lie– almost as if she could read right through Neon like glass.

“You sure? Prowler is picky; he wouldn’t just look for somebody without a reason.”

“Well– maybe he just likes me!”

Neon’s breath seemed to catch in her throat as Fade snorted, failing to resist a smile at the outburst.

Oh. Tala really loved it when she smiled. 

Nervously watching the older Agent approach and squat down on the ground, Neon let Fade take the flower stem out of her hand. Fade seemed to scrutinize the sad little plant, staring at it before shifting her attention to the mess of flower remains on the ground. Flushing at her chuckle, Neon flushed, huffing indignantly to hide her embarrassment– rather poorly, should she add.

“What? Can’t someone just pick their flowers in peace?”

“Oh, sure. Of course you can. But maybe this will give you more peace of mind.”

Suspicious of Fade’s odd comment, Neon hesitantly allowed the female to reposition Tala’s hand to be flat, palm face-up. Her heart beating sounded louder, louder in her chest as Hazal easily plucked the singular petal left on the stem and placed it in Tala’s palm, curling the younger Agent’s fingers over the little petal before teasingly kissing her knuckles. 

Tala flushed.

Had she watched Tala long enough to know what all those petals were for?

Watching her swing back and forth like a pendulum, arguing between the two statements. Waiting to see which side of the fence she’d fall over to, teetering between ignoring her feelings… or falling in love.

She loves me. 

She loves me not.

She loves me. 

She loves me not.

She loves me. 

She loves me not.

“ She loves you, Tala– I love you. ”