Chapter Text
Roy Mustang was a go-getter. A purveyor of opportunities. The man who introduced new things to people who didn’t know they needed something new. He was a top seller regardless of the product and prided himself on consistently hitting the goals he set for himself.
The problem was, sales hadn’t been as hot this year as in recent times. Going door to door used to be fun; now people didn’t want to open their doors, let alone their homes. (Never mind the open legs of better days, but that was between Roy and his clientele and had nothing to do with business.)
He’d sold just about anything you can think of: home warranties, vacuums, cookware, solar panels, knives, grocery subscriptions, and jewelry of the month. People always welcomed him in, listened politely, and often bought what he was selling. He often worked his way into the other parts of their homes - beds, desks, kitchen countertops, and other good-to-fuck-on surfaces. He took their numbers but never called back unless it was business. His reputation, and his commitments, had to stay clean.
He excelled regardless of product and had enjoyed many a trip to exotic destinations as his current team’s top producer. He got bored quickly, though, and always left a job after about a year. Better to go out on top, he was fond of saying with a smirk.
When the market for door-to-door sales cooled, he moved into multi-level marketing for a while. Things were more interesting there - Tupperware, cooking gadgets, candles, and finally, Roy found something he could sell without much effort at all.
Sex toys.
People actually had ‘parties’ and invited him into their homes for a private showing of the stock. Orders were drop-shipped to him, and he delivered the goods to his satisfied customers a few weeks later. That was usually his favorite part, even the cliched question ‘Mind if I test it out?’ still amused and aroused him.
“The FireFlight has over 45 vibration patterns,” he smarmed to a group of giggling women, sipping their champagne and nibbling their cupcakes with penis-shaped sprinkles. “I recommend this one if you’re, ahem, interested in feeling a little something extra. The vibrations go from very light to what we like to call the Bonecrusher setting.”
The hostess of the party, a pert blonde with a long ponytail, blushed a bright pink but didn’t look away. What was her name again? He smiled warmly and oh-so-sweetly at her and waggled the vibrator in her direction.
Truly, the toys sold themselves. And sold him along with them.
“It’s great for couples, too. The wider end can be fitted between you since it’s flexible here in the middle,” he demonstrated.
Two of the women who’d been whispering to each other burst into outright laughter. Roy was unbothered. Usually, the ones who were the most embarrassed bought the most stuff.
“Partners of any sex would enjoy this one. For you ladies, I’d also recommend this -” he pulled out a small tube the size of a lip balm “-ClitterGlitter.” There was the expected long silence and then some scattered laughter. He passed the tube to the woman on his right. “You can get a small idea of what it feels like if you put some on your lower lip, and give it about 5 minutes to start working.”
An attractive brunette snatched the ClitterGlitter from the first girl and applied it liberally to her lips, laughing and daring the others to try it out. One by one they tried it on, teasing each other for the racy idea of applying the balm a little lower down. The FireFlight was passed around too, poked, and prodded and settings changed.
The brunette met his glance with a glint in her eye, and Roy knew who would be asking him to test out the merchandise later.