Archive of Our Own

Leo had stepped out of the base to be alone, hence the fact that he’d slipped out after everyone had tucked in for the night. There were a few guards on duty, but none of them seemed to mind that Leo was standing in the middle of the courtyard all by himself.

Being the Resistance Leader did have some perks, after all; nobody asked him questions if he didn’t say anything first.

Another reason he wanted to be alone had to do with the cigarette pinched between his fingers. Donnie had taken up smoking three years back and had been on and off since, much to Raph and Mikey’s continued disapproval. He would quit forever when they won, Donnie had said when he was first confronted about it. But for now, he claimed he was going to let the tobacco kill him slowly, because at least that was something he could control. Donnie needed to have autonomy, which Leo could understand, in his own way.

Leo had pretended to disapprove, but he would take a few from Donnie every now and then again to have when he was stressed. The blue turtle was sure his brother noticed the cigarettes disappearing sometimes, but neither of them mentioned it. If Leo woke up for his birthday or Christmas or after a particularly tough battle to a pack under his pillow, he didn’t question it.

Leo brought the cigarette up to his lips and took a long drag, relishing the feeling of it before he exhaled a long, perfect breath. The smoke hung in the air for a few minutes before disappearing, but the smell remained. No matter how many times he tried to ignore it, he could never get past the smell. Maybe it was Mind Raph convincing him he didn’t like cigarettes at all, so at this point he was just doing it to spite Mind Raph, and therefore, real Raph.

As if summoned, Leo heard the heavy footsteps of his older brother coming up behind him from the East Tunnel where most of the dormitories were.

“If you’re trying to be a rebellious teenager, you’ve hit it right on the money,” Raph joked, ignoring the cigarette when Leo offered it to him. “I’m gonna tattle on you, and Splinter’s gonna take your stash away, and then Donnie’s stash, and you know how Donnie got when Mikey tried to take his stuff.”

“Oh no,” Leo mocked, taking a shorter breath in. He did fondly remember the time that Mikey had decided enough was enough and had tried to take the cigarettes from Donnie, and Mr. I’m Not Addicted I Can Stop Whenever I Want threw a fit. “I thought we stopped tattling when we were like seven.”

“Maybe you did, but Pops did always find out about the things you did one way or another, amiright?” Raph chuckled, and Leo blew a raspberry at him. Raph had always been a Daddy’s boy, through and through.

“I knew you told him about the fact it was me who spilled tomato sauce on his old Lou Jitsu memorabilia.” Leo replied with no real heat behind his voice. He’d always just assumed that Splinter’s Dad Sense had grown over the years, but another part of him knew that Raph was always too quiet when the topic was brought up.

They stood in silence, Raph a few paces behind Leo and not making any moves to step into his space. Understanding what he was waiting for and the likely reason why he was hanging back, Leo dropped the cigarette to the ground and put it out with the heel of his boot. He didn’t like the combat boots they’d started wearing; they were too constricting on his feet, but at least he didn’t have to worry about stepping on glass on the battlefield anymore.

The silence stretched on for a few more moments.

It was so rare to find moments of peace, these days.

“Leo,” Raph’s voice was calm, collected; like he always was. There was a hesitancy there that showed that seven years ago, Raph would have kept this question to himself and stayed out of Leo’s ridiculous plans, but given the circumstances, he couldn’t afford to stay silent anymore, if for nothing else than his own peace of mind. “You sure about this? It’s a pretty risky plan.”

“Are the others awake?” Leo deflected the question with one of his own. Raph understood, moving to stand beside his brother as he looked up at the stars. His arms were wrapped securely around a small bundle of blankets in his arms, and Leo didn’t have to ask what he was holding, because he already knew.

When they’d been kids, they’d tried to see the stars through the sewer covers and try and count them all. Raph had always said there were only five hundred out there, while Leo said there had to be a million. Donnie would roll his eyes and give some factual data about how they were billions upon billions of stars, most of which people didn’t know about (blah blah blah). Mikey would try and find the biggest star and make a wish on it, except he would forget to say his wish in his head and then it would therefore not come true (according to the flawless logic of little kids).

Back then, the air pollution and lights of the lively city usually blocked the stars from view. There had been a few years where they’d been allowed out of the lair and could watch the stars from the rooftop of the tallest building they could climb and properly count them all or wish on the biggest one, and Donnie would tell them all about the latest discoveries of planets and stars.

But now, the stars were hardly visible through the dust and smoke of the fires that burned as the Kraang tore apart the world, piece by piece. Their efforts were slowed by the Resistance’s good work, but everyone knew they were barely holding their own, let alone actually doing something to stop the Kraang.

Some days, it just felt like they were delaying the inevitable.

Hence, the importance of this mission. It was incredibly daring and dangerous, even by Leo’s standards, but if they had any hope of lasting the year in this climate, they had to take drastic action. All things considered, they’d been playing it safe the past seven years, but ‘safe’ wouldn’t save the world.

“Everyone’s out like a light,” Raph confirmed, cooing a little as the bundle in his arms garbled and stirred a little. The snapping turtle rocked his arms back and forth and began humming a little tune that Leo recognized as one of the lullabies Splinter sang to them when they’d been little. “You should be resting too, Leader, if you plan to lead us to victory tomorrow like ya said.”

Little Casey had always slept best in Raph’s arms, much to his mother and Auntie April’s joking jealousy. Raph had been the one to find him after all, tucked in a dumpster and looking like he hadn’t eaten anything in a few days. Raph and Cassandra had immediately taken the baby under their wings, doing most of the down and dirty parenting involving the diapers and sleepless nights. Leo knew that Raph’s deep secret was that he’d always wanted to be a father, and Leo also knew deep down that sometimes, in most ways, Raph already was a father to the three other turtles he was supposed to call brothers.

His childhood had been robbed from him. Donnie called it ‘parentification’, Leo called it sad.

“You’re a great dad,” Leo reached up a hand and moved the blanket aside so he could see Casey’s face more clearly. The boy’s eyes were shut softly, his mouth open with a small amount of drool coming down his chin. He gently used the blanket to wipe it away, then he leaned up and pressed a kiss to the boy’s forehead. “He never falls asleep for me like this.”

“That’s ‘cause you always play games with him, he thinks of you as ‘awake time’ only,” And Raph had a point, because one of the few remaining joys in Leo’s life was coming back from a patrol or fight and letting Casey run into his arms and playing games with him, brushing off Donnie’s pointed looks of you need to let me stitch that up or you’ll bleed out on the floor of Casey’s playroom.

“Stop dodging the question, Leo.” Raph demanded gently.

“Aw, but dodging the question’s what I do best.” Leo mocked, avoiding looking at his brother and instead choosing to look up at the stars. Or what he could see of them, anyway.

Their base sat at the bottom of a massive pit, different rooms hidden in different tunnels. Leo was standing in the center of the hole and looking up, knowing that Donnie’s cloaking devices were preventing anyone from seeing them. The Kraang had been searching for their base for years with no luck, while their base sat in the open air like a sitting duck. Unfortunately, the Kraang base was much better defended than the Resistance, but Leo liked to think that was just a matter of perspective.

“If you don’t answer, I’m gonna assume that’s ‘cause you want to call the whole thing off,” Raph continued, rocking gently and keeping his eyes trained down at Casey. It still surprised Leo sometimes to look at Raph’s eye and see one was paler than the other due to it being a fake, or the fact that his right arm looked like his left but it didn’t.

They were lucky to have Donnie, the tech genius who could build anything and everything out of metal and wire, including a new arm and eye for their older brother, not including the robot bodies Leo knew Donnie was secretly constructing in case their bodies became too damaged to carry on. Leo didn’t ask and Donnie didn’t talk about it, but they all knew what he was doing.

“There’s no shame in backing down, Leo.” Raph continued, using the classic Older Brother Voice that showed that no matter what Leo decided to do, Raph would support him and follow him to the bitter end (which was hopefully in a long time. Maybe a hundred years. Turtles could live long lives, who’s to say they couldn’t?). “No matter what you decide to do, we support you one hundred percent.”

Raph was silent for a moment, sighing deeply. “You’re not disappointing anyone by stepping down. All your progress you’ve made as Leader wouldn’t be wasted if we do somethin’ different.”

And there it was.

Leo’s biggest secret that wasn't so secret.

The fear that everyone secretly resented him for what he’d done - more importantly, what he hadn’t done - and the only way to make it up to everyone was to single-handedly lead the Resistance to victory. Leo did his best to pretend that he didn’t fall asleep every night crying and wishing with everything he had that he had just let Raph catch the damn key.

Why did he have to be so arrogant, so selfish?

Why couldn’t he just accept help?

Why was he so pathetic and damaged?

Despite his best efforts to pretend, he knew that everyone else knew about his nightly ritual. In turn, Leo pretended to not know that everyone blamed him for what happened. Despite what they always insisted, he always wondered if they were lying. Donnie had always been a good liar.

“I don’t know, you seemed pretty against the plan, I’m not so sure about this one hundred percent bullshit you’re spitting. And did you see the look Donnie gave me when I suggested we take the fighter jets instead of the stealth?” Leo taunted again, but he was hoping that Raph took the bait and reaffirmed that this was a good plan. A difficult and dangerous plan, but a good one. Designed and crafted by the best minds of the Resistance, with a back up to every back up, this mission would work.

It had to, because Leo didn’t know what they were going to do if it didn’t.

“Don’t even get me started on April’s disapproval.” Leo continued, ticking off on his fingers the people who had disapproved of the plan. “And Draxum, of course. But I think he just disagrees with me on principle because he’s still angry about all the times we messed up his plans, back in the day. And Hypno, of course, had a lot to say when I suggested that the Evil League of Mutants be the first wave.”

Raph rolled his eyes, his metal arm creaking a little as he shifted Casey to fully be on one side of his chest so he could put his free hand on Leo’s shoulder.

Leo hated the feeling of cold metal where there should be warm, rough skin. He’d never gotten used to it, and he never wanted to. Only Leo and Mikey had all their original bits and pieces. Mikey’s body was still entirely his own, fueled by the magic that flowed through his body like blood. Nobody was really where Mikey’s mystic powers actually came from, but they were sure as hell lucky to have them. Donnie’s left leg from the knee down had been replaced by a new, metal appendage, but thankfully Donnie never made a habit of touching Leo with his foot, and he was grateful for that.

“I’m going to ask you a question, and I need ya to be honest, Leo.” Raph held eye contact as he spoke, his voice stern but not disciplinary. He paused for a moment, likely for the dramatic effect before he asked, “Do you support this plan?”

The plan that Leo himself had crafted, that was considered the most daring and stupid plan ever created by the Resistance? It would be considered a surprise because they’d never attempted a battle of this magnitude. There would surely be casualties, record losses to ammunition and supplies, but if it worked, then the Kraang would be temporarily halted. In that time, the Resistance could work on taking down other Kraang strongholds and freeing the labor camps, gaining support for the Resistance. They needed that support more than anything. If the people saw life was worth fighting for, then they would take a stand.

“We have to do this,” Leo responded. It was an answer to the question, but obviously not the one Raph was looking for. He narrowed his eyes and tightened his grip, silently asking more. Leo sighed, letting his shoulders slump a little. “We’re not fighting back, Raph. We’re barely getting through each day and we won’t make any proper advances unless we take out the American Minnie.”

When the Kraang invaded seven years ago, they had been quick to set up bases and strongholds on each major continent, all of which were mini replicas of their biggest ship, the Technodrome. The Technodrome was too heavily guarded and advanced for them to break in, especially in the state they were in. But if they managed to take down the Minnie that was held just above the state of New Jersey (which, of course it was. Even aliens seemed to recognize New Jersey as the asscrack of the world), then they stood a chance at doing some damage in kind to the ugly, oversized brains.

“We’re also not dying,” Raph protested, and Leo felt a familiar ache in his gut and his patience suddenly seemed to snap in half, recognizing the beginning of the argument that he and Raph had gotten into so many times before. “Playing it safe doesn’t mean we’re ain’t doing nothing.”

“That’s no way to live, Raph!” Leo argued back, his fingers twitching to grab the cigarette out of his pocket and light it just to piss off Raph and goad him into fighting more. The truth was, Leo appreciated Raph’s opposition. His elder brother’s desire to play it safe and keep everyone alive and rescue those who couldn’t fight anymore was noble and it had been working for them so far, but they all knew they could only carry on like that for so long.

Eventually, there would be no one else to save.

Eventually, there would be no world left.

Eventually, the Resistance would fail.

“We’re surviving,” Raph argued back, careful to keep his voice low as to not wake the sleeping baby in his arms. “And I know ya miss the way it used to be, I sure as hell do, but I really love having all my family alive and together, and I’m just worried that this mission…is a bit of a suicide mission.”

Leo reeled back. “What?” His heart skipped a beat. “Why would you say that?” He chuckled awkwardly, rubbing the back of his right elbow with his left hand.

Raph took a deep breath in, looking up at the stars for a moment before looking back down at Casey as he readjusted the baby to be between his arms again, supported by the large arm under his butt and the other hand pressed gently against the spot in the bundle where his back must be.

“I’m not stupid, Leo. None of us are,” Raph looked up slowly and met Leo’s eyes, and Leo could still feel them boring into him as he turned away from his older brother. “I mean, you practically jumped up and down screaming to volunteer when we assigned the part for someone to plant the bomb.”

“I’m the fastest,” Leo easily deflected, prepared to all the reasons he had already come up with for the inevitable conversation of someone confronting him about his choice to plant the bomb in the center of the Minnie. “Not to mention I have the ability to create portals, Raph. I can plant the bomb and have the highest chance of getting out if it all goes to shit.”

“When,” Raph emphasized. “When it goes to shit,”

“Okay fine.” Leo rolled his eyes, making an exaggerated gesture with his hands as he began to pace back and forth. “If you’re so against my plan, fucking call it off then. Everyone looks up to you as the leader still anyway, so why don’t you overrule me again?”

“Leo,” Raph’s tone had adopted the ‘disappointed dad’ tone he only seemed to use on Leo in situations like these.

Donnie and Mikey never got the ‘disappointed dad’ tone, because Donnie and Mikey could do nothing wrong. Donnie with his tech and Mikey with his magic, they were perfect and could never do anything wrong. Raph never questioned them when they made a suggestion or proposed a dangerous rescue mission or something, so why did Raph have such a stick up his ass when it came to him?

“Leo,” Raph’s voice interrupted Leo’s train of aggressive thought and fuck Leo had said all that out loud, hadn’t he?

“Yeah, you did.” Raph sighed, but the tone was gone at least. His voice still sounded disappointed, but in a self-deprecating way. “I don’t have a stick up my ass when it comes to you or your plans,”

“Coulda fooled me,” Leo grumbled, crossing his arms. He didn’t really know why he was so angry, because he didn’t want to be angry at Raph, but Leo had never been one to shy away from an argument or discussion, especially when it came as an attack on his leadership and decisions.

Because he was trying, okay? He was trying his fucking best to keep the family safe and lead the Resistance to peace on earth and all that jazz. He knew everyone loved and appreciated him, but he also knew he wasn’t a natural at the whole ‘leader’ thing, not like Raph was.

“It’s hard for me to let go of the mother hen persona,” Raph explained. “I was never the tech master or the magician in the family, so I can’t give them advice or motivation beyond ‘I like that’, or ‘looks great’. I was the leader for a long time, Leo. Hell, I practically raised ya when Pops was in his dark days and couldn’t get offda cough. I’m tryna let you grow and do your own thing, it’s just hard for me to turn it off sometimes.”

Leo knew Raph was trying to let Leo blossom as the leader, and he knew despite all their fighting, that Raph loved him very much. The eldest brother had the heart the size of New York and always seemed happy to give out a hug or words of encouragement to whomever needed it.

In terms of the mission, Leo was the first to admit it wasn’t the safest or wisest decision he’d ever made. The plan itself was pretty straight forward: the Evil League of Mutants would be the first wave and distract the Kraang’s forces as the Mad Dogs snuck in through a portal and took out the Minnie from the inside. With their combined powers and decreased opposition, it shouldn’t be too difficult to place the bomb and portal out, the Minnie destroyed in their wake. The Kraang droids in the six hundred mile radius would all be taken out, leaving Donnie with unlimited access to their tech and secrets. They would have enough supplies and munitions to carry them through the next several years of the fight.

Of course, Leo wasn’t stupid. Attacking a Kraang Minnie would likely exact a heavy toll. A toll that he wasn’t willing to make anyone else pay.

It’s not that he wanted to be the one that stayed back to let everyone else get out, but there was also no way in hell he was going to let anyone else take the fall for a plan he formed and thought out, down to the last detail. He wasn’t going to let anyone else get killed for the war he started, even though everyone tried to tell him it wasn’t his fault, he knew it was.

If anyone was going to go down with the metaphorical ship, it was Leo himself.

“Leo,” Raph’s voice had grown so gentle in between his last sentence and this one, and Leo thought it was a talent just how easily Raph could make someone feel loved and appreciated without barely saying a word. “It’s not your fault we’re in this war, ya know. Don’t go down that road again, little bro.”

Raph paused, and Leo forced himself to look up when he heard Raph’s voice shake and crumble a little bit. Leo’s mouth fell open and a pit of anguish settled in his stomach and formed a lump in the back of his throat when he saw tears in Raph’s eyes.

“We need you here, Leo.” Raph said next, his voice just barely steady. Leo sniffed as he felt tears brim in his own eyes, threatening to spill over. “You really think we can fight this war without ya? Who’s gonna run karaoke night, or who’s gonna plan Christmas?”

“Mikey always plans Christmas,” Leo pointed out half-heartedly. Christmas was never really anything to celebrate anymore, and most of the past Christmases had passed without anyone really realizing it had gone by. But the past two years Mikey had made sure everyone had gathered round for even a short time on Christmas Eve as they ate a meager feast; usually whatever mystery meat Draxum had cooked up with some of the vegetables from April and Sunita’s gardens across the city.

“Yeah, ‘cause you encouraged him to. Don’t think I don’t know you want Christmas just so we can watch the Christmas editions of Jupiter Jim on Dad’s TV.” Raph had a pointed; Leo had been the one who had seen Mikey all down in the dirts after he realized they missed Thanksgiving again, and the blue turtle had been the one to suggest that Mikey go all out for Christmas, or as ‘all out’ as they were able in a full scale invasion.

“The point is,” Raph continued. “The team needs you, Leo. The family needs you. I don’t know what I'd do if…”

Raph couldn’t even bring himself to say the words, and Leo didn’t want to hear them. He looked down and away from Raph, making himself smaller in an attempt to get his older brother off his case. It obviously wasn’t working, because somehow Raph’s Overprotective Older Brother aura grew immensely, matching the rising of Leo’s own beating heart.

“It’s not a suicide mission,” Leo promised meekly, as honestly as he could. “I just want this war to be over, and this will be the closest we’ve ever gotten, if it goes right.”

“I know,” Raph agreed. “It’s our best shot, and we gotta take it. Just promise me something, and don’t lie.”

“Name it,” Leo said, though he wasn’t sure he could keep his word. He had never been very good at keeping his promises, but he was going to try to keep whatever promise he was about to make, because he didn’t want to lie.

Unlike Raph, who was probably incapable of telling a lie if he tried. Donnie had always been a good liar, but surprisingly his guilt would eat him alive sometimes and push him to confess before anyone had ever realized he’d lied. Mikey was arguably the best liar, because all he would have to do was bat his eyes and point a finger at Leo and everyone would believe him. Leo could lie seven ways to Sunday, but everyone was so used to his lies they never really knew when he was telling the truth.

“If shit hits the fan,” Leo noticed Raph said if this time instead of when, a sign of growth from both of them. “You won’t take it as an insult to your leadership and instead focus on getting everyone the hell out?”

It was so easy to take the losses of the day and put them on your shoulders, especially if it had been your plan that had sucked so badly it ended up putting the progress eight steps farther back than intended. It was so easy to think everyone was staring at the back of his head when he walked past because they were so angry with him. Because if Leo had to put all the weight on his shoulders, and if everyone was giving him looks, at least everyone was alive.

“Yeah,” Leo promised, with no idea of whether or not he would uphold it. “I got you, big bro. I’ll cart everyone’s asses back, just like I always do. You’ll see.”

Raph didn’t seem entirely convinced, but he leaned down and pressed his snout to Leo’s forehead in a quick kiss before he turned around and walked away, Casey still nestled in his arms.

Leo waited until Raph was gone to pull out his second cigarette of the night. He waited until he knew Raph was completely out of earshot before he bit out the harsh string of curses, mainly aimed at himself.

~~~~~~~~~

It was safe to say that shit hit the fan. The shit was flying everywhere. They were bathing in it, they were suffocated by it. That, or it was just the disgusting blops of goo and body parts that Brother Kraang would throw at them, trying to turn them into Kraang Zombies.

The Evil League of Mutants had initiated the attack, and that had gone according to plan. The majority of the Minnie’s defenses had swarmed to greet them, leaving a bare-bones defense of the Minnie base.

Not suspecting anything wrong, the Resistance moved forward with the plan of attack. The Minnie had a shield around it that inhibited their powers and prevented them from portaling right into the stronghold. They knew about this before they attacked, and Leo portaled them as close to the Minnie as they could. They fought their way through the minimal defenses using their ultimate ninja skills and Donnie’s perfect tech, and they made it inside the base in record time.

But that was when it all started going to hell.

Somehow, someway, the Kraang had been informed of their plan.

Leo didn’t want to think about the fact that they had a fucking mole in the Resitance, and he prayed that someone had just been bugged or mind controlled and didn’t know it. He didn’t want to have to execute one of their own - no, if they had betrayed them, they weren’t one of their own anymore. They were beneath the Kraang at that point.

The three leaders of the Kraang were not supposed to be here. They were supposed to be in the Technodrome, far far away from here right now.

Which didn’t explain the fact that he was currently facing off against Sister, while Donnie and Raph were struggling to hold their own against Prime, and Mikey was dancing and moving around Brother, avoiding his ugly vines of brain matter and eyes that looked a little too alive for Leo’s taste.

“I will crush you! I will feast on your flesh and make a throne of your bones!” Sister screamed, flying up into the air and extending her long tentacles like a spider. She hissed as her mouth spread out in a wide grin, her glowing golden eyes wide with a sinister glee.

She landed hard in front of Leo - too hard - and tried to strike, but the weight of her fall prevented her from getting a proper strikeout to hit Leo before he portaled himself behind her and tried to strike her in the back with his sword. Unfortunately she had seen this coming too, and jumped up into the air to avoid the blow.

They continued this horrible dance, and because Sister was so skilled, Leo couldn’t direct any of his attention to his brothers or the team. Regardless, he could still hear them yelling.

“Mikey! Watch your back!”

There was a loud crash that caused the floor to shale beneath Leo’s feet. Sister tried to take advantage of his temporary loss of balance, but Leo was faster than her, striking out and slicing off one of her legs in a swift, sharp movement. Eyes blazing as her black blood streaked across his face, Leo was on the offensive now.

“I got it bro! Donnie, go for the computer!”

Leo let out a noise that was a mixture between a feral scream and laughter, swinging wildly at Sister now, nicking her a few times across her limbs and face, not letting her get a chance to recover. Desperation and wild rage fueled him, adrenaline flowing his muscles in a way that made him feel like he could challenge whatever god had cursed them with this future and win.

But then there was another rumble in the ground, and then suddenly, their roles were reversed. Sister stabilized herself enough to go on the offensive, and now they were exchanging blows much more frequently. Now it was Sister was laughing and howling, and maybe for no other reason than to not give her an advantage, with every blow Leo struck out, he let out a crazed laugh along with it.

Because Leo was desperate, he was crazy with it. Drunk on it. This plan could not, would not fail.

“We’re running out of time, Leo! Get us out of here!” That was Raph’s voice, strained as Kraang Prime snagged a long tentacle around his neck before he leaned down and bit it off, the black goo flowing from his mouth as Kraang Prime screeched and pulled his arm back. Raph landed hard on the ground, glancing back at Leo for a moment, pleading with his eyes before he returned to battle, defending them all like he always did.

“No!” Leo roared, holding up his swords to block a particularly aggressive blow from Sister. “Not without placing the bomb!”

“You promised!” Raph was yelling now, but his next sentence was cut off by an ugly scream. “You promised we would get out!”

“And we will!” Donnie was yelling now, and Leo managed to spare a glance over to see that Donnie had broken away from the fight and was positioning himself at the computers, his device on the ground beside him, almost ready to be armed.

“Attaboy, Donnie!” Leo cried out, jumping up and out of the way from Sister’s next attack. When she was midair, ready to strike, a magical orange chain wrapped around her middle, yanking her back faster than Leo could blink.

Leo sagged with relief, taking a few deep breaths. “Thanks Mikey!” He called out to the youngest, who gave him a small salute before jumping to his side. “Donnie! Arm the device and let’s get the hell outta dodge!”

“NO!” Kraang Prime roared, desperately trying to get around Raph, but the eldest turtle was holding his own against him very well. Raph’s magical giant was matching him blow for blow, even landing a few that were not returned. Extra arms and legs sprung forward and vanished when they had done the job required of them, whether that be striking or defending himself. “YOU WILL NOT ESCAPE ME!”

“The device is armed!” Donnie cried out, ducking under one of Brother’s disgusting attacks. “We got sixty seconds!”

“That’s it?” Leo joked, but his heart was racing in his chest. He opened a portal behind him and gestured for Mikey to immediately jump through. The youngest brother did, but he remained close on the other side. Mikey was the strongest among them and they all knew it, but he was safe now and that made Leo feel a little more calm, a little more in control.

Donnie was running over as fast as he could, his battle shell firing off missles to explode any further attacks from Brother, hitting the tentacles and causing them to disintegrate quickly. The last thing they ever needed was one of them getting Kraangified.

“Raph! Let’s go!” Leo cried out desperately to the eldest brother, watching as the red turtle was slowly inching backwards towards them, but not fast enough. Not nearly fast enough. “Get outta here, let’s go!”

Raph glanced over his shoulder, and there was a look on his face that made Leo’s heart sink.

“Don’t you dare! Let’s go!” Leo called out again. He turned back to the portal, looking to Mikey. “We need a magical assist here!”

Nodding firmly, Mikey conjured up a magical spell between his hands, before he sent out the powerful blast forward at an alarming speed. It hit Kraang Prime dead on, right in his stupid, ugly eyeball. Leo hoped it had been burned clean out the other side of his face. He cried out, stumbling back, but it was the distraction Raph needed to turn around and run for it.

Ten seconds. Nine. Eight. Seven.

Kraang Prime roared, shooting out one of his long, spiney arms. It extended impossibly closer, too close to Raph.

Raph was running closer, each stride impossibly long and landing hard. Raph’s eyes were wild with terror, and Leo extended out his own arms to bring his brother closer, closer to safety, closer to family.

The tentacle was closer now too, too close. Leo’s depth perception had never been all that great.

There was an ugly noise that sounded like something snapping, but Leo thought it was just the sound of his own heart pounding in his ears, or maybe Raph had snapped his ankle in his desperate bid to get to the portal.

One.

Raph jumped through, Leo right beside him.

When Leo was absolutely certain that he and Raph were through, he closed the portal. Kraang Prime’s scream was cut off on an ugly note when the portal snapped shut, but he hadn’t been able to catch them in time, and that was the important thing. His arm hadn’t hit any of them; his desperate bid to wound them as bad as they had just wounded him.

It was the only thing that mattered.

That, and the fact that he had heard and felt the explosion from Donnie’s device go off. The heat of the fire had tickled his shell, and a small plume of smoke had managed to sneak along with Leo and Raph through the portal.

It was very likely that all three Kraang leaders survived; they were extremely durable. But their technology and base were not so durable, and anything remaining Leo would personally lead a squad through and take what they needed.

Leo’s feet hit the ground and his knees buckled at an awkward angle, but the blue turtle didn’t have the grace or the proper amount of conscious thought left in him to regain his footing before his knees hit the ground, but he really couldn’t bring himself to care. His sword dropped from his hand and clattered to the ground and his arms extended out to support him from falling on his face, but he was running entirely on adrenaline and autopilot at the moment to do anything besides hold himself up on shaky arms.

People were around him in seconds, all speaking at once and demanding to know. His senses were flooded with inputs and different layers of emotions and levels of contact. He could smell Dad’s robe and the slight tang of burnt rat (which wasn’t all that pleasant, especially considering it meant Dad had been hurt, but he was alive), he could feel Draxum’s strong arms wrap around him and hold him upright as he tried to walk them to a medical bed at Donnie’s request.

He could hear the sounds of his brothers fretting about him, Donnie standing at an arm’s length as he checked his brother over for injuries with his critical eyes and small drones. Mikey had wrapped his arms tightly around Leo’s middle, holding him close and sobbing into his chest.

But Raph, where was Raph? Was anyone checking on Raph?

“My son,” Dad’s voice broke through the chorus of concerns and praise and questions, and everyone fell silent as they listened to the small rat speak. Said rat had stepped in front of Draxum and Leo and was looking up at Leo with more pride than the young turtle had seen in quite some time. “Well done.”

And in that moment, it all felt worth it.

It was all worth it because they were okay, and they had done it. They’d successfully knocked out a Minnie and gained a hundred immediate benefits, including but not limited to enough supplies to last for years, and open supply chains with other Resistance bases. It was worth it, and his father was proud of him. Leo’s heart could positively burst.

And the best part was? They hadn’t lost anyone! Sure, they’d all gotten pretty beaten up about it, but they were all okay! Everyone was just fine. No one would ever doubt Leo ever again, because he’d proven that the right tactic could win any battle, even when it seemed like all hope was lost.

“Raph?” Mikey’s voice broke through the quiet hum of conversation that had started to form around Leo, all affirming that his plan was wonderful and perfect and that there were people in the med bay who needed Donnie and April’s attention immediately. “You okay, bro?”

Leo turned to look over his shoulder, remembering with a slight stab of guilt that Raph had also come through the portal at the same time, though everyone had swarmed Leo with praise and helped him to his feet.

But Raph was standing, albeit a little shakily, on two legs, and even when he had been leader and led a few successful missions, he’d insisted on the least amount of spotlight possible; it just wasn’t for him and he didn’t like the praise. Unlike Leo, who had learned to bask in what little praise he could get.

“Yeah, of course.” Raph smiled as brightly as he could, exhaling shakily as he winced. “Doin’ great.”

But…the closer Leo looked at Raph, the less he believed him. He was standing, but just barely given how much he was swaying and stumbling. His breathing was abnormal and labored, like he was breathing through a straw. He looked incredibly pale and his eyes weren’t really focusing on anything, just staring just above Leo and Donnie’s heads.

And he was clutching his stomach with his right hand.

Blood was covering the back of his hand and trailing down his shell. It was running down in rivets, and it looked like Raph’s hand wasn’t doing much to stop it.

Leo’s heart dropped. His knees buckled and the only reason he didn’t collapse was because Draxum held him tight.

“Raph!” Donnie cried out, his voice abnormally shaky for the normally calm and collected Donatello. Mikey unwrapped his arms from around Leo and followed Donnie as the purple turtle made a run for Raph as their eldest brother’s eyes rolled into the back of his head.

Time seemed to slow. Raph seemed to take ages to fall, his large body slowly drifting towards the floor like he was moving through water and not air. Every step Donnie and Mikey took towards their brother seemed to stretch indefinitely, their steps longer and legs extending out as they tried to reach their brother as quickly as they could. Leo pushed himself away from Draxum, his legs suddenly gaining the ability to hold him upright as he lunged after Mikey and Donnie, trying to catch up with them.

He reached out, a scream on the tip of his tongue.

All he could see was Raphael.

Falling, falling. Down, down.

Blood on the floor, coating it. The smell was suffocating, choking on the already horrible sound that Leo was forcing out of his body as he willed Raph’s body to stay in the air, to heal itself, to not fucking die.

By the grace of whatever deity felt some pity for him, Mikey’s orange mystic powers wrapped around Raph’s body like an embrace, suspending him in the air for the few moments until Donnie and Mikey reached him, Leo close behind.

Leo fell to his knees, hiccuping as he tried to assess Raph’s body, listening and silently pleading for Donnie to give him something do because fuck he couldn’t just stand here and do nothing while his brother bled out!.

“He’s lost so much blood,” Donnie’s voice was quiet, too quiet. Too calm, yet shaky. Mikey’s powers lowered Raph the rest of the way, setting him down gently on the floor. Leo positioned himself by Raph’s head, cradling the red turtle’s face in his hands. “Other injuries include other minor to major cuts and scrapes, several bruises and several broken ribs.”

Donnie was quiet for a minute as he drones did a full body scan of Raph. No one dares speak or move or breathe. When the scan was complete, the data popped up on Donnie’s pad and he flipped through it quickly, his eyes darkened by his goggles. “As I suspected, four broken ribs and one broken bone in the left forearm. Scans show internal bleeding caused by the broken rib.” Donnie’s jaw clenched and he stopped speaking, but his eyes were still looking over pieces of the information.

Data collection calmed Donnie down, everyone knew this. So why wasn’t Donnie sharing with the class and collecting the damn data?!

Donnie began muttering under his breath, glancing between Raph’s body and his data pads. His breathing was growing irregular and too quick; hyperventilation or a panic attack was likely on the way.

“Speak up and help him!” Leo screamed, surprising himself with his outburst. He felt all eyes turn to him, but he didn’t care. He waited for Donnie to look up at him and meet his eyes, but the coward kept his gaze turned down at Raph.

Dad knelt down on Raph’s other side, the side where the gaping wound in his stomach sat. Splinter was pointedly not looking at it, but he reached up and took his eldest son’s hand, holding on tight.

Were they…giving up? Why the fuck would they give up, when Raph was still alive? He was breathing, and there was still warmth beneath Leo’s hands were they rested on his face.

Tears were flowing so freely from Mikey’s eyes. The youngest brother collapsed to his knees and rested his head against Raph’s chest, not caring that blood was falling onto his skin and mask.

“Why is nobody doing anything?!” Leo demanded, looking around at the members of the Resistance who had gathered around but weren’t fucking moving! “Somebody ask Donnie what he needs and get him it! Don’t just stand there like a bunch of idiots!”

Mikey’s sobs would haunt Leo’s dreams for the rest of his life.

Refusing to listen to it any longer, Leo tried to take action again. “Donnie!” Leo shouted again, feeling a firm hand on his shoulder, but he didn’t dare to look up at who it belonged to. He had a suspicion, but he didn’t want to look at her right now. “HELP HIM! Mikey, stop crying and HEAL HIM!”

Donnie jerked his head up so fast that Leo was surprised his neck didn’t snap. His eyes were murderous and his body language screamed scared and defensive. “Vital signs are low! Heart rate is forty-five and dropping! BP dropping! Body temperature, dropping! He’s lost too much blood, Leonardo!”

“We have blood banks!” Leo snapped back. “Raph, Mikey and I have the same blood type. I’ll supply anything you need! Upload his consciousness into one of your fucking robot bodies for all I care, just keep our brother alive!”

“THERE’S NOTHING I CAN DO!” Donnie screamed back, causing all the commotion in the room to fall silent once again.

Leo reeled back like he’d been slapped, his heart plummeting in his chest. He stared at Donnie with what he hoped was horror and disgust and pain, because that’s everything he felt at the moment.

Ugly silence settled in the base. No one dared to say a word.

“So you’re giving up on him?” Leo demanded, his voice cold and dark. “You’re giving up on our brother?!”

Donnie pointed an accusatory finger at him, his hands visibly shaking. His facade was crumbling, all of his walls were down. “Do not blame me.” He hissed, his words like the most lethal weapon. “I am not a miracle worker Leo, I am a scientist. And even if I had mystic healing like Mikey does, I would be reacting the same exact way because even a miracle couldn’t…”

He choked on the last word, but Leo knew what was coming next.

“You coward,” Leo hissed, not meaning it at all. Or maybe he did, he really didn’t know. All he knew was that Donnie had the ability to save his brother and wasn’t because science dictated it and whatever other bullshit reason Donnie was spitting.

Donnie opened his mouth to retaliate and likely spit another insult at Leo that would cut so deep and Leo would play it off but it would really haunt him for the rest of his life.

But he was interrupted by the quiet voice of a man Leo had convinced was unbreakable.

“It worked, Leo.” Raph’s voice was half-hidden by his own blood.

Leo shushed him, carefully reaching down and holding Raph’s face in his hands. “Don’t talk, big guy. Donnie’s gonna fix ya, and Mikey will heal you, and then you can tell me on two feet that my plan was the greatest plan in the entire world and you’ll never doubt me ever again.”

Raph shook his head. Both eyes were looking a little too pale now, and Leo didn’t like what that implied.

“Your birthday gift,” Raph muttered next, and Leo let out a choked noise.

It was his goddamn birthday. Leo had completely forgotten about that, because like Christmas, like New Years, birthdays didn’t mean anything to them anymore. Every day was enough, every minute was a minute that they weren’t guaranteed. Leo was a whole year older, but it felt more like he had lived a thousand lifetimes instead of another year.

And the worst part of it all? Raph was dying on his birthday.

“What kind of birthday gift is this, huh?” Leo demanded, his voice choked up and his vision blurry from his own tears. “You can’t die today, Raph. It’s my birthday. You can’t die on my birthday, I’m asking you, I’m begging- please. This is the worst gift ever.”

“Your gift’s under my bed.” Raph whispered. His breathing was so shallow now, and Leo could tell how much of a struggle it was for him. “It’s not much, but…I hope you like it.”

“I want you to live.” Leo begged. “That’s what I want for my birthday. Can you do that?”

Mikey was suddenly beside Leo, hugging his older brother desperately and sobbing against his skin. Donnie appeared on his other side, leaning his head on Leo’s shoulder.

“Raph, not alone…” Raph’s voice was quiet, small, meek. Leo had never used any of those words to describe his eldest brother before.

They were all together. And that is how Leo would like to remember them.

His body was aching to pull away, to run and hide. He didn’t want to stick around for this, he wasn’t strong enough.

“We can’t do this without you, Raph.” Leo found himself admitting. “Please stay.”

But when Leo opened his eyes to look up at his brother’s face, Raph’s eyes were closed. His chest wasn’t moving. The blood was still flowing, but it seemed to have slowed down.

Something broke inside Leo that day. And until his dying breath, he was never sure if it ever healed.

He stopped fighting the urge. He pulled away from Raph’s body, not noticing or caring that he was covered in his blood. He pulled away even when Mikey and Donnie called after him, and he walked out of the room. Past Splinter and Draxum, who let him pass. Past April, who gave him a small nod, but her eyes were just as filled with tears as anyone else’s.

Past Cassandra, who was holding a wailing Casey in her arms.

~~~~~~~~~

It took Leo three more years to finally fish under Raph’s bed to find his birthday present. Turns out, it was a letter. There was one for each of them, and Leo placed them in his brother’s rooms for them to find.

He curled up on Raph’s bed, trying to imagine the smell of his brother’s skin and dirty masks because the room didn’t smell like him anymore, not after three years. So he pretended the room still smelled like dirty socks with the barest hint of the lavender laundry detergent April used to clean their masks.

Leo wasn’t sure how long he sat on the bed, holding the letter and just staring at it before he finally mustered up the courage to open it. The letter was written in Raph’s barely legible handwriting, blue ink.

Leo read the first few sentences before his eyes became too clogged with tears. He put the letter down on the bedside table and dug his nails into his flesh palm, biting his tongue in a desperate bid to keep the tears inside. He wasn’t super successful, but at least he was silent.

“Is this something you wanted to be alone for?”

Leo opened his eyes and released his palms, feeling the rough edges of his skin where there were now marks. Standing in the doorway was Donnie, his expression carefully blank, but not emotionless.

“Did you find the letter he left you?” Leo asked, looking away.

“Yeah. Could barely read it, though. Raph never had the prettiest handwriting.” He didn’t move in, but he didn’t back away either.

“Where’s Mikey?”

“Sleeping.”

Clipped tones, short sentences. Leo missed when the two of them talked for hours with so many words (half of which Leo was convinced Donnie made up on the spot because there was no way ‘subdermatoglyphic’ was a word). He missed the times when he would try and talk Donnie’s ears off, and even though Donnie would be pretending not to listen, Leo knew that he was listening wholeheartedly. Because that’s just who Donnie was.

“Do you want me to get him?” Donnie asked after the silence hung in the air for a little too long.

Leo shook his head.

“Do you want me to stay?”

Leo nodded.

Donnie sat down on the bed beside him.

“Do you want me to read it to you?”

Leo shook his head. “No, just being here with me is good.”

“Okay.” Donnie didn’t say anything further when Leo didn’t immediately reach forward for the letter again. He just sat there, filling the formerly dark room with his presence.

And then there was another figure in the door, walking in and taking a spot on the bed in between them. Mikey was barely awake, and moments after he sat down, his head was leaning against Leo’s shoulder.

Finally, because she had a sixth sense for these kinds of meetings, April appeared. She must have looked at Donnie for permission, because she walked in slowly and sat beside the purple turtle, the bed shifting and creaking a little with the weight of four people.

“Okay.” Leo announced after a few minutes. Honestly, it could have been an hour, but he didn’t really know for sure; the clock on Raph’s bedside table had been turned into something for Donnie’s tech a long time ago.

Using the metal arm that used to be Raph’s, Leo reached forward and grabbed the letter. Nobody said a word, but Leo didn’t look back at them to see if they were awake.

With shaky hands, Leo opened the old paper and tried again.

Dear Leo,

Do you remember the time when you were six, and you broke your ankle trying to do one of the new moves Pops was teaching us? You were so determined to get it right that you barely listened to me or Donnie when we told ya you needed to let it heal and rest. But you let Mikey put stickers on your cast, and I think that’s when he started putting them on himself, too. Because he wanted to be like you, even then.

Or there was the other time when we were thirteen and went up to the streets, and you were convinced that we could take on the street gang when they were trying to rob that Grandma in the alley. You hyped us up with some speech and we got our asses handed to us, but at least we gave Grandma a chance to escape. We believed in you, and you showed us we could do some good.

That’s how you’ve always been, I guess. Determined. Stronger than I’ll ever be.

I know you won’t believe me when I say it, but I’ll say it anyway: you are strong. You’re a great leader and you’ll keep doing great things.

I tried really hard to say it, before. I should have said it more often, but I guess you can always read this letter if you need to hear it, but. I’ve always looked up to you, Leo. You’ve shown me how to be brave and I am always grateful to you. I’m so proud of you, little bro.

I look at ya now, leading the Resistance like you’re the real life Jupiter Jim (the one that doesn’t have all his fans stuffed in those glass cages…I was right about him, never forget that). You’re strong, and I know that you’re going to save the day and never let us forget it in typical Leo fashion. I can’t wait.

Happy Birthday, Leo! Maybe someday, you’ll be as tall as me.

I love you bro. Mad Dogs forever!

Your brother, Raph..

Leo lowered the letter, letting it rest on his lap. There were new wet ovals on the paper that hadn’t been there when he’d opened the letter, but it hadn’t smudged any of the ink so it didn’t matter. It stained the paper, turning it slightly see through and even ripping a small bit in one spot. But the letter stayed together, whole.

April and Mikey were snoring softly, and somewhere between starting to read and finishing, Casey and Cassandra had snuck in and were sleeping at the foot of the bed, wrapped around each other.

“They come in here sometimes when Casey’s having rough nights,” Donnie explained, because Leo must have had an expression on his face. “Helps calm him down.”

Leo hummed, tapping his flesh hand against his metal one. His sentiments towards the metal arm were exactly the same as when it had been Raph’s: he was grateful to Donnie and his genius, but he hated it all the same.

“I sometimes come in here, too. When I miss him most.” Donnie continued. He seemed a little awkward, like he was speaking because they both knew the silence was worse and not necessarily because he had anything to say.

“I haven’t come in here since he died.” It took Leo a long time to be able to say those words: ‘he died’. It seemed so final, too accepting, like he had moved on.

Mikey and April had spent a lot of time with him, telling him that moving on and trying to live again was exactly what Raph would have wanted, and he shouldn’t feel guilty about becoming stronger and finding something similar to peace. Even with the support of his family, the first time Leo had said those words, he’d been alone.

“I know.” Donnie remarked. It wasn’t accusatory; Donnie knew everything.

Donnie the know-it-all. What other facts you got stored in that massive forehead, Don? Leo used to mock him and ask, which would result in Donnie pinching his skin so hard it left marks.

“Have you been out to his grave since the service?” Leo asked next, once again because the silence would be worse than not speaking.

Donnie replied with a simple, “No.” A pause, then, “Have you?”

They both knew the answer.

“No.”

“Maybe we should go sometime.” Donnie said softly.

Leo nodded, his eyes feeling too heavy. “I’d like that. We could make a picnic out of it, or something.”

Donnie replied with a nonverbal grunt before he adjusted himself, his body curled around Mikey’s smaller one. April adjusted in her sleep so she was wrapped around Donnie’s soft shell, her mouth open wide in her sleep. Cassandra and Casey stayed at the foot of the bed, huddled close together as mother and son should be.

Leo sighed and laid down beside Mikey, staring up at the ceiling.

And Leo had never been a spiritual person, but in that moment, as he closed his eyes and let sleep take over, it felt like the final piece of their family was there with them, curled around them all in a protective embrace, like he’d never left.