Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

1. The concert

It’s not his first concert. Back at elementary school, his friends used to take him to some shady underground clubs where usually a band of a friend of one of them played that night, but he didn’t really enjoy it. The venues were loud, full of drunk people, smell of weed and other not very pleasant smells. He often had to fight off drunk men trying to pick him up, which sometimes resulted into open groping and fighting. It was one of the reasons he got into martial arts from early age. So it was safe to say concerts weren’t among one of his favourite social activities. 

This time, however, it’s different.

The venue of Olympic Hall isn’t that small, it’s more like an arena where bigger groups often perform. He’s not sure how many people it can hold, maybe around five thousand, but there is a pretty large crowd gathering outside in the cold of late October since early morning hours, hiding under umbrellas to protect themselves from the pouring rain. The storm has hit Seoul during the weekend.

He’s clutching the ticket in his pocket, making sure it’s still there just like it was 5 minutes ago. It’s about 5 pm, which means the official fanclub members are already being let in first to take the best spots and buy merch beforehand. 

When his dance crew friends gifted him the ticket on his birthday, he cried rivers. He knew he couldn’t afford it when the date for Seoul was announced, because the little money he was making as a member of the dance crew and from the part-time job in a local convenience store usually went into the rent of his small one-room apartment, groceries and other important things. But they kept pushing him to just take it and go, and to be completely honest - it was the best gift he has ever got. 

He’s finally going to see them. See BTOB, on their first official solo concert in Korea.

He noms on the last bits of a chocolate chip cookie from the pack the staff gave out to the waiting people, sipping on a long cold tea from a foam cup. It’s not much but he didn’t have time for any proper food besides that and some sandwich he bought at the train station in the morning. He wasn’t really hungry anyway, his stomach has been acting up for like three days and he was dizzy almost the whole time on the train from Gimpo. His mother told him to stay home but he was just way too stubborn to listen to her and miss the chance to see his idols live so he took some pills earlier and called it a day.

Once it’s time for general audience to come in, he gets up, throws his backpack over the shoulder and stands in line.

Maybe one day he could be among those lucky fans in the front. 

When it’s his turn, he gives the ticket to the staff guy waiting at the entrance, who just checks the number and tears a small piece of it before handing it back to him. The other one briefly looks into his bag to check for some potentially dangerous items and lets him in.

It takes about half an hour for all the fans to come in. The hall is large, full of hundreds of conversations.

Suddenly it gets dark. The only source of light are reflectors aimed on the stage and colourful lasers. Intro music sounds from the speakers, excitement buzzing through everyone in the crowd.

The concert is a blur. They play lots of his favourite songs like It’s Okay or Thriller , but his favorite part is definitely Minhyuk’s solo. He’s screaming basically through the whole thing just like the rest of the crowd, shaking his light stick to the rhythm. 

When the show ends, the adrenaline is still buzzing through his veins and he’s singing the lyrics to You’re so fly .

The air outside is chilly so he zips up his jacket, fishing for his phone and headphones in its pocket. He wonders what time is it and whether he can drop by the grocery store for some late dinner before heading to the bus. 

Just as he’s about to take his phone out, a wave of panic washes over him.

The ticket. It’s gone.

,,No, no, no! This can’t-...” He starts frantically searching through his pockets, even putting down the bag to check inside and in between his books, however it’s nowhere to be found. Still, he empties out the entire bag on the sidewalk, grasping on the last bit of hope, but to no avail.

,,Where is it? Fuck, fuck… No!” he screams. People passing by are turning around, whispering, but he could give less fucks about any of them.

He’s sure it was there when he put it back into his jacket after the crew checked it at the entrance. Then… It must have slipped out during the concert. With a bit of luck, it’s probably still somewhere in there since used concert ticket isn’t usually something people take upon finding it.

He frantically puts back the contents of his bag, throws it over his shoulder so hard it almost hits someone walking next to him and almost stumbles on the sidewalk when he runs back to the entrance. 

Some people are still there, just hanging out to chat and drink. No one really pays him any attention. The inside of the venue seems dark, lit only by the remaining stage lights. Some quiet techno music is playing from the bar speakers. There are a few crew members standing nearby the door, smoking. One of them reaches after him just as he’s about the go inside.

,,Hey, you can’t go in there.”

,,I-... I’ve lost my ticket, it’s maybe inside… Please, let me in. I’ll be right back.”

The guy gives him a doubtful look, putting the cigarette back into his mouth to take a shot of nicotine with barely any interest. He must make a picture with all those tears and cheeks red from the cold. 

,,I don’t care if your grandma was there. The venue is already being cleaned up so even if it was somewhere, it’s in the trash now.”

,,Please, I-... Could you let me check? You can even go with me if-...”

,,Look, kiddo.” The guy sighs, waving his arm in annoyed manner. ,,You’re not the first one trying to sneak in. Once you leave, you can’t just go back unless it’s a life or death situation. Which it isn’t.”

,,B-But…”

,,I said what I said. Just go home.”

Minho feels more tears gathering, clenching his fists in desperation. He’s neither strong nor fast enough to just run for it and there is nothing he can offer to this guy in exchange for letting him in. It’s just a ticket, not even a VIP category, but memories fade away and he’s so scared this one will too eventually. That there will be no more chances to see his idols from up close, breathe the same air, talk to them (given if he was lucky enough to get to a fanmeeting at some point in the future).

It’s gone.

How could he handle the responsibilities of becoming an idol one day if he can’t even hold onto a fucking ticket.

,,Please, I-...”

,,What’s going on here?”

Minho blinks through the tears, wiping his face with the edge of his sleeve to look up. He sees a man dressed in tight black pants, black turtleneck sweatshirt and cream coloured coat reaching about his knees. There’s a simple necklace dangling around his neck. His blonde hair is styled up, undercut revealing a small silver earring in his left earlobe and a snowflake earring higher up. 

It’s Minhyuk.

His heart feels like it’s about to jump right out of his mouth. He’s there, standing so close Minho could touch him if he reached out, closer than he’s ever dreamed, gorgeous and tall while Minho is awkwardly standing there like some fucking crybaby with snot all over his face, clutching onto his old backpack.

Fuck that ticket. He should have just let it go and take the bus home like the guy told him to.

,,This kid is saying he lost his ticket and wants to go inside to look for it,” says the staff guy, seemingly even more annoyed.

,,Is that so?”

At this point, Minho is turning tomato red. He can feel Minhyuk’s eyes piercing straight through him, detecting. 

,,Y-Yeah…” he stutters, determined to not look up from the ground even if the god himself struck him on the spot and turned him into a turtle. Fuck, fuck, fucking shit…  

,,Then let’s go find it.”

Finally, Minho forces himself to openly stare at the man in disbelief. This isn’t happening. No. Why would Minhyuk even trust him? That guy was right, there must have been countless number of fans trying to get in under some more or less creative excuses to catch a glimpse of one of the members or talk to them. Unless this is just a joke, Minhyuk has no reason to just walk him to the venue to look for some goddamn ticket that might not even be there anymore.

He realizes he’s still standing there, basically in the doorway, not moving an inch. Minhyuk smiles at him, gesturing to hurry up. ,,Come. Hopefully it’s still in there.”

Minho finally snaps out of it, bows with endless muttering of “thank you”s and follows him as the crew guy just shrugs and goes back to his business. 

They do find the ticket eventually, laying on the ground close to the stage. It’s a bit crumpled and dirty but otherwise in tact. It’s definitely his because of the number.

Minhyuk hands him the ticket, his touch lingering for a moment, yet his eyes stay the same. ,,There you go.”

,,I-I…” He gulps over the lump in his throat. His chest should feel lighter with relief but he can’t bring himself to stay calm, especially not when their fingers brush as Minhyuk hands him the ticket. His hands are probably the softest to touch, well kept. He smells like some really pleasant fragrance that probably costs more than Minho’s monthy rent. ,,Thank you, I-… thank you so much.”

Minhyuk hums and nods, seemingly amused by the way Minho keeps stumbling over his words. ,,Happy to be of help. What’s your name?”

Name? Minho’s brain shortcircuits in that moment as he tries to remember what his actual name is. ,,I-It’s… Lee Minho.”

,,Minho, hm.” Minhyuk looks at him with something he can’t really identify. Maybe a worry. It’s definitely not an interest. Can’t be. ,,Can I get you something to drink? You look a bit shaken up. Come, let’s sit down.”

He’s not able to fully process what’s going on, but come to think of it, his heart does feel like he’s about to have a heart attack and his face is all sweaty. His feet act on his own when he follows Minhyuk backstage, where he sits down on one of the sofas. There’s no one else except for some crew members packing the rest of their stuff. Minho just sits there, clutching a bottle of water he half empties in one go, knees pressed together as if he was sitting on a brand new sofa his parents have just bought. He is actually feeling a bit dizzy. Maybe it’s the air. 

Minhyuk sits in the sofa right next to him, even though there are two more chairs available. His leg is milimetres away from pressing at Minho’s thigh. He grabs a can of beer, taking a sip. ,,So how did you like the show, Minho? Reached your expectations?”

,,It was amazing. It’s actually my first show. I’m such a big fan. I-...” Fuck, what even are words? He grasps the waterbottle harder. It’s so cold it seeps through his palms. 

,,Really? Are you from around here?”

,,Not really. I’ve been to Seoul a few times but I don’t… don’t live here, no.”

They fall into an easy chat after that. Minho tries hard not tu stumble over his words when he shares he has recently joined a dance crew to pursue his dream of becoming an idol. He’s been into dancing since pretty much his kindergarten years and his parents fully supported him. He talks about his mother’s cats and how he discovered BTOB through one of his classmates, while Minhyuk sits there, watching him and actually listening, which is definitely more than Minho could dream of.

,,Have you thought about which agency you want to audition for?” 

Minho drops his gaze, suddenly very much aware of Minhyuk’s hand on his knee. He’s got a simple silver DIOR ring. ,,Maybe JYP or Cube,” he mutters and Minhyuk beams at him.

,,So I could be your sunbaenim then?”

Minho smiles, but it’s not 100% genuine. He’s nervous as hell. The hand on his leg feels like it’s going to burn through the fabric of his jeans and for a moment he thinks there is something he’s missing.

,,I-I should go. It’s getting late and…” He reaches for the phone in his pocket to check the time and realizes he’s utterly fucked. 

There is no way he can make it to the station in time now. It’s like half an hour ride from the venue and, according to the schedule he checked beforehand, the train leaves in ten minutes. It’s the last train back to Gimpo for the day and the next one was due at 5 am, which means he would have to walk around the town the whole night or wait at the station, praying the police patrol doesn’t kick him out. He could feel himself turning pale again and palms sweating.

Minhyuk probably guesses what’s wrong by the look. ,,It’s okay, we can give you a ride.”

We? Hold the fuck up now.

,,No, I-... I live pretty far and I didn’t book a hotel so it’s not like I have anywhere to go now. It’s fine, I can just wait.” 

There’s no way he would allow himself to get in the van with his favourite group, probably smooshed between two of them and with his bad luck one of them would definitely be Minhyuk. Or worse - he could end up in Minhyuk’s hotel room, wide awake until the morning to process that this is actually happening, maybe even feel a hand slipping under his shirt as he’s slowly drifting to sleep...

,,Oh, come on. You can’t just wait at the station until morning, it’s way too dangerous for a pretty boy like you.” Pretty…?! ,,Besides, it’s kind of my fault for keeping you here so it’s only fair that I handle it.”

Before Minho can say something, Minhyuk is already texting someone and gets up to walk away. Minho can hear him talking to someone in the hallway, probably their manager. He takes his backpack and he’s about to leave too, when he hears the voices and stops mid step.

,,What do you mean “he’s coming with us”? You met this kid like five minutes ago, we are not a fucking daycare or something.”

,,He’s here alone, I can’t just let him walk around Seoul the whole night for someone to take a bite. It’s raining cats and dogs, what if he catches a cold?”

,,Oh come on, Min. For all you know, he could be a stalker and this is all just a trap to drug and kidnap you. Not the first time you would be dealing with that though. Remember the girl that leaked your phone number, scratched your car and kept waiting for you at the dorms even though we gave her a membership restriction and called the police?”

,,Yeah, yeah, I know. That’s not the case.” There’s silence right after that, before Minhyuk continues: ,,I’ve booked him a hotel room, we can just drop him there. Please, just…”

,,Okay, fine.” The other man sighs. ,,But don’t get into trouble. You know exactly what I mean, don’t give me that look. Can you promise me?”

,,I promise.”

,,Great.” There’s a sound of clack and a zipper being pulled up. ,,Get your stuff, the van is waiting outside.”

,,Thanks.”

Minho pulls back from the doorway, pretending to check his bag for something so it’s not that suspicious when he walks out a few moments later.

,,I really don’t want to put you in trouble…”

,,Nonsence, I told you it’s okay.” Minhyuk grabs him around the shoulders and gives him a headpat. ,,How do you feel? Better? You’ve definitely got better colour now.”

Minho nods, trying to not focus too much on the way Minhyuk’s fingers feel on his hair and what if he pulled on them.

,,Let’s go then.”

***

The whole ride feels like a fever dream. He’s sitting in the back, next to Minhyuk, silent and listening to their chat. He’s not even sure all of this is real anymore. They drop him off at some pretty fancy looking hotel and he bows goodbye with endless stream of “thank you” once again. Then he grabs his bag and heads towards the entrance.

Minhyuk is watching him from the van, hand holding the door open, lost in his thoughts.

,,Just go.”

He turns to the leader. The engine is still running. ,,I shouldn’t-...” 

Eunkwang rolls his eyes and kicks Minhyuk in the leg. ,,Fucking go. I don’t want to hear you whining about it later. Just don’t do anything stupid and text me later so I know he didn’t strangle you in your sleep or something, okay?”

,,Okay…” Minhyuk gets out of the van, buttoning up his coat. He can hear Ilhoon chucklin as he lets hm pass with "use a condom so he won't catch any of your bug friends", which he proceeds to blatantly ignore, and Peniel just taps his shoulder. 

He runs after the boy, catching him in the hall just in time.

,,Did I forget something in the van?"

,,No, no. I just…" He reaches for the first lie that comes to his mind: ,,This is actually our hotel. The guys are off to some club and to be honest I don't really feel like joining them."

,,Really?" Minho turns his gaze away, clearly flustered. He feels guilty for getting himself in this position. If it wasn't for him, Minhyuk would be at the party with his bandmates, maybe even taking a girl or two to his rooms at the end of the night to celebrate their first solo concert in Korea. 

,,You shouldn't have come after me. I'll just go to bed and leave in the morning…"

The older man just waves him off. ,,It's really no problem. I'll feel much better knowing you are safe when I was the one who caused this. Come, let's get your keys." He grabs Minho's hand in nothing like the drunk dudes he had to shake off when he went out with his friends, and walks with him to the reception. 

The woman in her twenties doesn't even look bothered when Minhyuk won't let go of his hand even Aš they are standing there, flashing her a charming smile as Minho feels him run the pad of his thumb over the bone of his knuckles. 

They don't share the room so it's not that suspicious and Minho kind of knows that even if the woman sensed something was up, the hotel is luxurious enough to be willing to keep the privacy of their guests secret moreover when it comes to celebrities. For a moment Minho wonders if he's the first one to be in this position, if this is one of the hotels Minhyuk likes to take his affairs into since the receptionist looks like she knows him. 

He's not an affair though. He's just a boy, who missed his last bus home, not even virtually attractive, and the man next to him was kind enough to take him to a hotel on his own expenses. Nothing more than that.

When they arrive at their rooms, Minhyuk wishes him good night and slips into the door next to his. Minho takes off his shoes at the door, puts his bag on the bed, pulls out his phone and charger to plug it and heads for the bathroom.

The bathroom is big, just like the rest of the apartment. It’s black and white with golden taps and a bath so large it could fit maybe three full grown adults. He gets one of the towels folded over the wall heating and hops into the shower to wash his whole body with one of the small bottles on the rack, which the guests can use. It smells herbal, something with lavender. 

He wonders what Minhyuk is doing in his room. He’s probably handling some work stuff, watching a movie, texting his friends… 

His mind turns to the vision of Minhyuk in the shower, water sliding down his toned body. How he’s leaning against the wall, hair wet and dripping onto his pecks.

Minho shakes the thoughts out of his head and turns the water off. Maybe he could knock on his door later, asks if he wants to watch something. No, that would definitely be too much. He’s got better things to do than keep him a company.

When he’s done, he wraps a towel around himself and gets out to apply his night skin products at the sink. His head is pounding like hell, so he reaches for the AC switch next to the door to clean the air.

He barely makes a step forward before his whole world spins and his knees give out. He tries to reach for something to prevent the fall - that something being a small table next to the toilet, which results into knocking all of its the contents off with numerous loud bangs and hitting his head on the edge.

The door busts open and Minho vaguely registers hands on his arm, but he can’t see through the pulsing black fog in front of him or hear through the constant high pitch ringing in his ears. The spot on his forehead hurts and there’s something wet dripping down his face, but he can’t tell if it’s just sweat or blood.

,,Minho!”

His focus snaps back and he’s thrown back into the reality. Minhyuk is kneeling in front of him, looking genuinely worried and panicked.

,,Are you okay? What happened?”

Minho realizes he’s still half sitting on the bathroom floor, dressed only in the towel, which does almost nothing to hide his dignity. His head hurts and he’s still shaken. He presses on the spot, relieved when he sees no blood on his fingers. 

,,Y-Yeah, I’m fine. I think I slipped or something.”

,,I heard some noise so I went to check on you.” Minhyuk gently touches the forming bruise on his forehead. ,,Are you sure? Maybe I should call the ambulance, it could be a concussion.”

Great, now he looks like a total dumbass that can’t be left alone for a minute. And in front of his most admired person. 

,,No need. I’m fine.” 

He manages to get back on his baby deer feet, though Minhyuk supports him on the way out of the bathroom to make sure he can stand still. There are rainbow spots dancing in his view, floating in the air only to disappear the moment he tries to focus on them.

Drying his hair with a towel, Minho looks at the only bed in the room. It’s kind of large, could fit both of them if they pressed really close…

,,I have a room right next to yours in case something happens,” Minhyuk announces, turning away so Minho can change into the hotel pyjamas. 

It’s baby blue colour, with a little bunny embroidery on the left side of the top. For a minute he considers putting it back and just sleeping in his underwear so that Minhyuk doesn’t have to see his sleep fashion. 

He wants to say he’s not a baby and nothing serious actually happened, but he can’t bring himself to say that, not to him. He doesn’t want to come off as ungrateful when Minhyuk paid for his room and decided to stay with him. So he swallows his pride, nods, sits down on the bed and texts his mother that everything is okay and he’s going to be staying in Seoul overnight.

***

They are backstage. The door is locked, yet he can still hear the fans chanting clearly, along with amped up voices coming from the stage. 

His fingers are trying to undo the belt, shaking with anticipation so much it’s clumsy. His eyes flick at the man above him, who laughs breathily at his attempts and does it himself.

,,That eager, huh?” 

He grabs Minho’s chin, smearing a drop of spit across his lips before he puts his thumb in between them.

,,Hurry up, I don’t have time for you.”

His mouth is full, spit drips down his chin where he can’t lap it up, staining the shirt with BTOB logo. There’s a bitter, salty aftertaste on his tongue where the cock slides further into his throat with precise. He whines, but it’s muffled and the tightening fingers in his hair don’t let him up, just guiding him up and down with more and more force. 

,,Such a good boy, look at you. Daddy’s good boy sucking his cock…” his voice breaks on a gasp when he pushes the boy too hard, making him gag, which causes constriction as if he was fucking him so good the hole around him tightens. 

He’s so hard, pressing against the seam his jeans. The wetness is staining the fabric of his underwear, soaking through it he can feel a spot forming when he touches it. There’s not enough air even when he breathes through his nose and he’s getting dizzy with it. He’s leaning on one of his hands, pressed between his knees so close he can’t resist grinding against it to relieve the tension, just enough push himself away from the edge.

Yes, daddy’s good boy. Daddy tastes so good, filling his mouth to the brim again and again as he thrusts into it recklessly, using it purely for pleasure. It doesn’t matter he can only blink away the tears pushing into his eyes anew with every slide into his virgin mouth, whining around it pathetically.

,,Too bad you are so slow. Can’t even make me come unless I tell you how, huh. Fucking slut.”

He thrusts deeper, way further than his throat is ready to take and he cries out, though it only comes out muffled and whiny. When he grips his thigh to try to push away, his hand gets pinned to the door, fingers interwining. 

,,Touching yourself, baby?” Not bothering to wait for answer, he pulls on his hair. ,,Stay put like a good boy.”

Daddy doesn’t care, he never does, just fucks his dirty little mouth to chase the pleasure, moaning as his head hits the door behind them. He loves making daddy happy, hearing him like this, being told how bad and messy he’s at sucking dick and how pathetic he is to be getting off against his own hand like some bitch in heat because only sucking daddy’s dick makes him so hard he’s leaking like a girl into his little panties.

,,That’s it, fuck-... take it…” Daddy twitches in his mouth and he swallows around the tip, letting is slowly slide out covered in saliva. He closes his eyes, tongue rolling out as daddy jerks himself over his face quickly. He wishes daddy would use his hole instead, fuck it so hard he’s crying for his cum. But he doesn’t deserve that.

,,Hyung…” he moans, reaching into his underwear desperately. It’s so sticky. He’s close, so embarassingly close it hurts. ,,Want it, hyung…“

The man groans, breaking off into a gasp as warm liquid splashes the boy’s face. Some of it lands on his cheek, hair, dripping down his forehead, but he catches most into his mouth, waiting for the permision to swallow. When daddy kisses him, licking into his small dirty mouth, he moans with it, lets him push his fingers inside before pulling them out so he can finally swallow all of daddy’s juice.

,,Hands on the door. Show me that tight little hole.”

He’s up to obey withoun an ounce of hesitation, leaning against the door so that he can feel the painted cold wood rub against his hard nipples. His shaky hands reach back to spread himself, soon followed by daddy’s thick fingers coated in mix of saliva and cum. 

,,D-Daddy…” he cries out, feels his hole tighten when two fingers keep fucking in and out of him. No one else has ever touched him there. ,,H-Hnn… hurts…”

,,Relax, baby. You’re so tight, how am I ever gonna fit in there?” Daddy licks around the bitemark on his neck, sliding one hand up the boy’s shirt to grab a handful of his left tit, running the pad of his fingers over the nipple back and forth. ,,So wet for me, look at you, fuck.” 

,,G-Gonna… a-ah, gonna c-cum, daddy…” He’s pushing his hips, moaning so loud it must be heard all the way to the stage. Everyone’s gonna hear, gonna know… 

Minho wakes up, breathing heavily, staring into the darkness. His entire body is tense and hot under the blanket. His pyjama pants are tented and there is large patch of wetness forming on them. He’s alarmingly close, so close he’s afraid he might jizz in his pants if he moves even the slightest.

,,Fuck…” he whispers into the night.

Minhyuk is sitting next to the bed, sleeping with head propped on his crossed arms like a makeshift pillow. It has to be really uncomfortable. Minho’s chest tightens with something he can’t put into words when he realizes he probably stayed up out of worry and even then didn’t dare to come sleep next to him on the bed even though it could technically fit both of them. 

Lee Minhyuk, the man he’s been looking up to for years, cares about him - a seventeen years old boy he’s known for less than 24 hours, who’s the polar opposite of famous and doesn’t even consider himself average on the scale of being attractive. A boy with chubby cheeks, round face and big, naive dreams.

Minho shifts on the bed, which makes the cotton of his pants brush against his length and he barely holds back a moan. 

The dream is still vividly present in his memories. The man he saw in it was far from the one sleeping next to him so peacefully, light catching on his snowflake earring, so beautiful, charming and polite. 

His ears are burning with shame at the thought of what his teen, hormone driven fantasy made up, how good it felt to be told such dirty things, pushed against the door with thighs spread in invitation, how he would let daddy do anything to his innocent teenage body, beg for more as his cock splits him open.

He feels himself pulse in his pants. It’s definitely not gonna go away with cold shower, not at this stage. He reaches for the hem of his pants with shaky fingers, pushing his hand down. Even a brief touch of his fingertips is enough to feel how wet he is, hot and heavy. Way more than he ever remembers being. The first stroke is painfully slow, uncertain. He forces his eyes closed, trying to not think about how close Minhyuk is, what he would think if he woke up and saw him in this state of mind - jerking off while he imagines all sorts of inappropriate things about the man not even a few centimetres from him.

His hand is so close, resting on the blanket next to Minho’s leg. He’s got such beautiful hands, long and thick fingers, the Dior ring glistening in a stripe of light seeping through the curtains.

His moves turn quicker as his body begs for it, muscles in his belly tightening, thighs spreading as if pushed open. He has to bite into his finger to stay quiet and not rut against the sheets. It’s easy to imagine it’s Minhyuk’s hand placed over his mouth, making him lick every last bit of his cum even if he doesn’t want to, just taking and taking, fingers digging into the meat of his thighs to hold them open by worse when all Minho wants to do is close them and hide. 

It hits him like a storm. He has to force himself to not arch from the bed with the force of his climax, loud but barely muffled cry seeping through the bite of his teeth. Warm stickiness paints his fingers in pulses and he gasps through it.

The room is quiet, save for his erratic heartbeat and slowing down breath. In his hazy state, he reaches for the man on his side, gently touching his soft blonde hair. His fingers slide to the corner of Minhyuk’s mouth.

What have I done?

In the morning, Minho changes back into his old clothes and stuffs the dirty pyjama pants into his bag. He refuses to leave them there as an evidence, even though the hotel staff probably wouldn’t care since they’ve usually got way worse things to clean up after some of the guests. He could always wash them at home and then send back annonymously with an apology letter. 

Minhyuk is still asleep. He must have been dead tired after the show. It’s for the better. After what happened during the night, Minho doesn’t know if he would be able to look into his eyes again. 

He grabs his backpack and walks downstairs to the reception to ask the lady how much was the room for. His parents raised him to always pay back any good deed and to not be indebted to anyone.

,,Why do you want to know?” she wonders, visibly confused. ,,It’s already been paid for.”

Just as he’s about to melt into a puddle, clutching on his little Snoopy wallet, Minhyuk walks down the stairs and sees the miserable boy at the reception. He wanted to ask the lady if he’s already left when he found the room was empty and bed made.

,,Hey, what’s wrong?” he asks, seeing the boy shaking, as white as the wall in hospital room.

,,I-...I… I wanted to pay, but…” Minho takes a deep breath. ,,So how much was it?” 

,,Let’s see…” She types something into her computer quickly. ,,Including everything, the total is 652 thousand won.”

Minho feels like he’s about to pass out and let his soul evaporate into another dimension.

Minhyuk could just drop him off at some cheap motel close to the main station, but instead he booked a five star hotel that charges more than his monthly pay for one night as if so much money wasn’t anything to him. 

He knows there’s not nearly that much on his bank account, even if he wanted to pay for it and eat two potatoes a day for the rest of the month. He thinks that maybe he could call his mother to send some money, she never really asks what’s it for when he’s in need and both of his parents make a decent amount.

,,Don’t worry about it. I told you it’s my fault for keeping you here.” Minhyuk smiles at him, hugging the boy around his shoulders to console him. It’s cute how small he is. ,,Just breathe, okay? It’s fine, don’t stress it. I told you this was all on me. Should I call you a taxi?”

Minho slowly comes back to himself, taking a deep breath. This was definitely not how he imagined the rest of the day would go, but considering the start of it… ,,No, it’s-... I’ll manage. Thank you for everything.” 

,,Such a good boy, look at you…”

He bows his goodbyes and turns to leave, determined to not think too much about the last 24 hours and definitely not about how Minhyuk’s palm lingered on his cheek for a moment before their farewell. The same hand that tore off his pants in that dream.

The bus leaves early enough so he has some time to buy a chocolate bar and some soda at the nearby grocery store before it arrives at the platform. Once fully seated, waiting for the rest of the people to board, he puts on his headphones and rolls through the playlist.

The ticket…

He reaches into his bag to check for the piece of paper, which started that whole rollercoaster. Luckily he finds it, tucked safely in between his books and a spare lined hoodie.

He’s about to just put it back, but he notices something on the other side of the ticket. When he turns it around, he finds signature and right next to it a phone number with little black heart.

2. Reaching out

Days pass after the concert and Minho still can’t bring himself to text that looming number. For all he knows, it could be just a joke and the number was fake. There wasn’t really any legitimate reason Minhyuk would want to stay in touch. They just happened to spend some time together due to unforeseen circumstances and then parted ways. Even like that, he got way more than most fans.

One day, when he comes home from the practise, he decides to just give it a shot and sends a short text, which he first rewrites about ten times until it seems casual enough.

hello, this is Minho

once again hank you for taking care of me at the concert, it really means a lot

hope you are well :)

He doesn’t even expect a reply, maybe an automatic one saying the number is blocked or doesn’t exist at all. It wouldn’t be the first time.

Answer comes almost instantly.

hi, happy to see you’ve got home safe :) 

how is your head? 

It does sound like Minhyuk. Though it could be basically anyone trying to play it off as a joke, maybe one of his friends. Before he can type a reply, he gets a picture of a little white dog dressed in yellow duck costume, standing on a balcony.

It’s Hamo, Minhyuk’s puppy. And it’s definitely not a previously posted picture because Minho has gone through all his socials numerous times and if someone were to show him a picture from his Instagram, he would be able to say the exact day it was posted. 

He heart reacts the photo, typing a reply right away.

omg he’s so cute <3 

I’m okay, just a small bruise

have you got that cute blue pyjamas on rn?

please don’t make fun of me TT

but it was so cuuuuute

for real ;)

thank you, Minhyuk-ssi

you can call me hyung ;)

Hyung…

Minho clutches on his phone for dear life.   

Okay, hyung

He thinks about sending more than that, but then he realizes there isn't that much they can talk about. There is only so much he knows about Minhyuk from his social media and he doesn't want to dig into Minhyuk's personal life or come off as too desperate, but part of him is worried that this is not going anywhere. That Minhyuk will soon find out he's too boring and there is pretty much nothing he can gain from this connection. 

He types another message but deletes it right after. Then a reply pops in - a picture of a balcony view, warm sunlight catching on the skin of an ankle propped at the banister. It shows barely a mid calf but Minho feels hot nevertheless. 

What if he's not wearing any pants or worse he's naked right now.

We are in Daegu 

It's so nice here

Maybe I should visit Gimpo sometimes

There isn't much to see really

You are there

So

;)

I'm in Seoul now, we have a performance coming up

good luck! (*-*)/

That’s how it starts.

Unless he’s at work or at the practise, he’s on his phone. There is always a message or two waiting in the chat, mostly pictures of food, Hamo, a clips of the horizont taken from a car window or selfies. Minhyuk often calls him, genuinely asking about his day and just listening. Sometimes he even shows a small sample of what he’s currently working on or plays the piano.

And before he knows it, Minho realizes he’s in love.

He did have some relationships before, but they mostly lasted only terms of days or weeks, nothing too serious or sexual. Like his classmate he used to come to school early for, just so he could sit next to him. Or that one girl he worked on a school project with. He wasn’t really popular or outgoing either. 

This time it’s different. Minhyuk is older than him and it shows. He’s mature, charismatic, intelligent, doesn’t push him into anything besides a few flirty messages that could also be interpreted as friendly and some thirst traps that include a mirror selfie taken from the waist down to show off his new branded underwear, picture of his hand with a new bracelet or dance practise snaps ending with exhausted sighs that leave him strangely hot. Minhyuk is also encouraging him in dancing and gives lots of helpful advice.

However, they don’t meet in person. Minho knows his schedule is really packed and he’s lucky to even get to spend some time with him over the phone, but sometimes he finds himself craving more and being afraid of it at the same time.

Found my old playlist I used to listen to back in my trainee days

Figured you might like it

Don't forget to eat well :) 

Minho is on his lunch break, so he decides to click on the link later. He eats a spoonful of kimchi jiggae, staring at the chat screen blankly for a while.

How do you find movitation to keep going?

Like for performing?

Yeah

No matter what you do, do it for yourself

Don't let other people decide if what you're doing is good enough

If it doesn't make you happy, it easily starts draining your energy

Like I know that's the complete opposite of what idols do but you should take this to heart

Minho doesn't reply to that - one because his break is over and two because he feels himself starting to drift into that dark place he's not been able to pull out of recently. He often finds himself doubting if choosing his dance career was a good idea, if he could ever become someone like Minhyuk. 

He goes back to the front of the store, heading for one of the aisles to check the supply.

,,Can you come here for a second, Minho?”

,,Be right there.”

He walks back to the counter, where his shift companion is stamping the new stock items. Her name is Yujin. She’s about three years older than him and studies house design at some private school her parents pay huge money for every year, but she’s also one of the few girl members of his dance crew. There are purple streaks in her chin length hair and she has golden framed glasses sitting on her tiny nose.

,,It’s stuck.” She hands him the stamping machine, annoyed. ,,Again. Like that old man can’t buy a new one. Nothing fucking works here.”

It takes him just a second to fix the issue with two quick moves and get the machine working again. ,,Here,” he gives it back to her with a little smile.

,,Wow, okay.” Yujin whistles. ,,Someone’s good with his hands. Wanna teach me?”

Minho just shrugs, trying to laugh the shy off. ,,It’s actually pretty easy. And I think I saw another one of these in the back, so you can use that too if this breaks again.”

,,Gah, wish we could have all the shifts together. Especially when there is a new stock coming and I have to drag all those heavy boxes to the back."

,,Like you don't always bat your eyes at any other part-timer so you don't have to do that."

Yujin’s smile drops a little and she is about to say something when the door bell rings as two customers come in. They both greet them with a bow and Yujin rushes to help them. She does look a bit mad and Minho is left worried if he said something he shouldn’t have. 

They close for the day shift and Minho walks Yujin home since she lives just two doors away from his apartment. It's still around 8 pm so they sit down on the bench at an empty Playground near the apartment complex. Yujin lights a cigarette and takes a sip of her caramel frappuccino. 

,,Man, I should really hit the gym more,” she complains, grabbing some excess skin on her stomach. Now that they don’t have to wear a uniform, she’s got a black crop top and ripped jeans even though it's the middle of December. ,,Been like two weeks and I’ve put on so much weight, ugh.”

,,You look fine.”

,,Fine doesn’t cut it. There could be someone from the recruitment team and they will ditch me if I get fat. Idols need to have the perfect visuals.”

Minho thinks back on a selfie Minhyuk sent him in the morning - almost no makeup on and a slightly open white bathrobe. How he's always fishing for compliments. 

,,It's kinda scary," he says, watching a group of pigeons gather near them. ,,Those beauty standards, how you need to be on a strict diet to maintain the look, getting surgeries…"

,,Oh come on, who doesn't want to be attractive AND make huge money? Can't wait to become a trainee and debut. YG would be so cool." She pats his leg and squeezes it a little. ,,You've got some meat on recently too, so lucky it's muscles. It's hot though."

,,Everyone has meat. We are human. But thanks."

Yujin makes a "hmpf" noise, but leaves her hand resting there. ,,You are so dumb, Minho, you know that?"

Minho blinks twice, confused. ,,What? Why?” 

,,Nevermind." She shakes her head and takes a drag of the cigarette. ,,Are you going home for the holidays?"

,,Yeah, mom wants me to come. Been like 10 months since I saw my grandparents too."

,,My parents have this big house in the mountains, we go there for skiing. They will be in the States but they said I could take some friends there for the new year if I want. Wanna come? Like the whole crew will be there."

,,Dunno…" 

It's not like he has any other plans besides staying home with his cats. Minhyuk will probably be busy too, this time of the year is usually packed with stage performances for all groups. 

,,Please, I really want you to be there.”

Yujin is looking at him with her big puppy eyes, pouting like a baby. He isn’t the type of a person that finds it easy to say no to someone, especially when it comes to his friends.

,,Fine, alright. I’ll come.”

3. Scars

One night Minho decides to make a move. 

He’s just finished one of his essays, took a shower and cooked some stir fry for dinner. 

He loves cooking. His grandmother taught him some recipes and as a kid he was always running around the kitchen begging to help. It’s quiet calming to just follow instructions or get creative with ingredients, and also way healthier than instant meals. 

It’s dark and he’s already tucked under his minty green blanket with a cat purring in between his legs. The only source of light in the room is a lamp next to him that changes colours with a switch, which he often uses to deal with insomnia and stress. It’s pretty cold outside and the snow is hitting his windows. One of the cats, Soonie, is sleeping on the heating, purring quietly.

He’s always been self-conscious of his own body. In kindergarten and first few years of elementary school, he was a pretty chubby kid who hated teams sports teachers forced them into during PE. Then, as he started dancing and taking martial art classes, it’s gotten better and not only did he learn to protect himself, but it’s also been a cherished source of confidence for him and improved his physical abilities significantly. He loved performing, being able to get out of his head and become one with the music. 

Until he had to go under a surgery that left a scar on his stomach. Ever since then, he’s had trouble changing in front of other kids, always hiding and mastering the art of changing clothes without actually having to take off his shirt for everyone to see and judge. He could only look in envy at all the boys running around shirtless on the football field, flaunting their muscles for the girls to see.

The shutter clicks and a clip loads on the phone screen. 

He stares at the message he has typed, shaky fingers lingering over the “send” button. The short clip is not edited, not even with a filter or brush to fix the brightness. It’s just his torso without a shirt as he’s laying on the bed, lit up with a neon pink light from the side, running a palm from his neck, across the stomach and hooking a finger at the hem of his sweatpants where a peak of his underwear can be seen when he pulls it down a little. He’s shaved just for this. 

It’s definitely a bad idea. Worse when he checks that the last chat they had was about a cute black cat Minhyuk got to pet on one of his recent shooting locations. He’s been busy over the weekend and Minho promised himself to stop being so desperate by spamming him with multiple messages every other minute, so they haven’t really talked much.

Yeah, no. There was no way he is gonna send that out of the blue. What if Minhyuk were to open it in public.

Just as he’s about to hit delete and turn off his phone for the rest of the night, he feels a nudge from Doongie lying next to his arm, which causes his finger to slip and before he has the chance to realize it, a little “seen” checkmark appears right under the photo.

,,No, no, no! Fuck, how do I-...” he panics, but it’s already too late. It’s there.

A “typing” bubble loads on the other side of the chat before disappearing shortly after and then his phone starts vibrating with incoming call. 

He yeets it across the bed like a dead rat his cats sometimes leave for him in unexpected places. It softly lands on the mattres and flips over, but keeps on vibrating, so he can feel it through the bed as he presses against the wall and hides under the blanket with a whimper.

That’s it. Minhyuk’s gonna laugh right into his face about how he’s way too thin and there’s nothing to show off. Or maybe he’s too fat, his mother always teased him about his round face, chubby cheeks and tummy and he did start to eat more recently. He doesn’t look like an idol, far from the perfect muscular men body he sees in magazines.

The phone doesn’t stop buzzing, no matter how hard Minho prays to any higher power there might be to just stop. He counts to twenty and then decides to accept the inevitable by reaching for it, palms so sweaty the phone almost slips right out of his hand. He gulps, pressing the green button to take it with a barely audible:  

,,H-Hey…”

,,Hi, kitten. What are you up to?"

The nickname makes him feel all sorts of way, mostly hot. The first time he used it was when Minho sent him some pictures of his cats and Minhyuk said they look like him since he sometimes behaves like a cat. It kind of became their running joke thing.

He doesn't sound mad, so at least there is that. There are also no background noises, which means he’s most likely at home or in his hotel room. Maybe he’s working on something. Last time they talked, Minhyuk mentioned they were rehearsing for a promotion show at KBS and he was frustrated over not being able to get the steps right.

Minho flips on his stomach, reaching for a blanket to tuck it in between his legs. It’s calming to have something to hold onto. 

,,Just finished my homework."

,,Which subject?"

,,Maths."

,,So you like to do Maths half naked and wanted to show me?"

Minho wants the earth to swallow him right here and there. What the fuck was he thinking sending that? 

,,No, I-...” He’s not able to come up with any valid excuse. Maybe because there is none. He could say it was an accident, that he wanted to send it to someone else, but that would make him look like a slut and he definitely doesn’t want Minhyuk to think he sends this kind of content to anyone he meets. 

He’s not really thinking when he asks in the smallest voice: ,,Did you like it, hyung?”

Oh for fuck’s sake…

Minhyuk does laugh then, but it’s not mean. It sounds heartwarming, as if he asked why is the sky blue. 

,,You are so cute, you know that?” he says with a deep sigh that makes Minho’s skin prickle and he feels a wave of raw heat going through his stomach instantly. ,,Missed me?”

Minho rolls his eyes, making a “tsk” sound. He did miss Minhyuk a lot. Ever since that concert, it’s been more like a fever dream he never wanted to wake up out of. 

Minhyuk wants to talk to him. Lee Minhyuk. 

,,Still there, kitten?”

Minho snaps back quickly, realizing he’s been slowly rutting against the blanket thoughtlessly. His hips jerk away and he turns on his back just for the caution. ,,Don’t call me that,” he pouts, feeling blush spread down his neck wildly.

,,Okay.” There’s a sound of something rustling, maybe bed sheets. ,,I miss you all the time, Minho. Like now. Wish you could be here with me.”

,,Really?”

,,Yeah.”

Another sigh that turns into a low groan, like he’s stretching. But he isn’t. And Minho’s poor heart almost stops. 

,,H-Hyung, a-are you…”

Minhyuk is in bed, probably shirtless. Talking to him so casually, as if they were discussing the weather. He pictures him reaching into his pants, pulling them down just enough so he doesn’t stain them. His pretty hand, visible veins and long bony fingers…

His thighs press together and he barely supresses a moan at the thought. His head is spinning, blood rushing through his veins like liquid fire. 

Shit, what was he even thinking.

,,Fuck, you made me so hard, baby. Wish you could see.”

This isn’t happening. No way. His brain is not able to process it - the fact that they are doing this. 

,,Hyung…” 

His thighs twitch when he spreads them to plant his feet firmer onto the mattress. It’s so sticky and wet when he reaches into his sweatpants. He’s never been this turned on, not even when he first stumbled upon one of those shady amateur porn sites, even though it’s been barely just a few minutes. His body is reacting to every single touch and he moans when he lets his fingers finally wrap around himself and provide some relief. He can’t stave it off much longer. 

,,...sorry… I’m so sorry, hyung… I-...” he whines, feeling more wetness drip over his fingers. It’s so messy some of it stains his shirt.

,,Gonna come, baby? Gonna come all over your pretty tummy for hyung?”

It’s too much. He feels the threads unravel quickly as he jerks himself in desperation, chasing the hot coil. He makes a sound low in his throat that sounds more like a wounded animal, nodding. ,,C-Coming…”

,,That’s it, kitten. Let go.”  

He thrusts into his sticky hand shallow and quick. It’s so easy to let his mind wander into the fantasy of Minhyuk towering over him, watching as he writhes, nails digging into the skin of his exposed chest. He’s left shuddering through his climax, almost blacking out as white streaks shoot across his stomach until there is nothing more to squeeze out.

Voice comes through the fog settling on his spent, blissed out mind. 

,,Still in there, baby? Talk to me, please.”

,,I don’t… t-the sounds… it’s not… manly.”

,,Oh, baby.” He hears Minhyuk sigh and there is a sound of creaking furniture when he changes position. ,,You sound so fucking hot, you’ve got no idea. I’m so hard, wish you could just… shit.. Be here, lick it all off…”

,, H-Hyung… ”  

,,You want that, baby?” he chuckles. ,,Wanna open your pretty little mouth for me? Keep me warm? Want me to fuck it ‘till you drool all over?”

Minho’s still blushing and gasping for breath, but his softening cock gives a weak twitch and he mewls. Through the speaker he can hear the man groaning, accompanied by unmistakeable quickening wet sounds. 

,,Talk to me, Min… say something…” comes out raspy voice jumping an octave higher in desperate chase. 

Minho thinks, maybe a little too much. He’s never really been into dirty talk, he was way too shy to ever actually say some nasty things he heard in porn out loud, afraid it might turn someone off rather than set the mood.

,,I-...” he gulps, a groan from the other side of the call distracting him for a moment. His cock tingles in oversensitivity when he thinks of how it would feel to hold his length, feel it grow and harden. ,,I-... I like you so much, hyung.”

,,Fuck, that’s…” He hears a low moan, a little distorted by the connection, yet it’s enough to make his mouth dry and run tingles down his spine.

As he’s coming down from the high of the best orgasm he has ever experienced, the cat on the other side of his bed makes a soft meow sound in his sleep and extends his paw to touch Minho’s foot. The cum on Minho’s hand and body is slowly getting dry, so he makes the move to reach for the wipes on his night table, fingers still shaking.

,,Wow, okay.” Minhyuk sounds almost like a cat that got its cream, not even an ounce of regret. ,,How are you feeling?”

,,I’m sorry, hyung. I didn’t want to send that.”

,,No, don’t be. In case you haven’t figured, I liked it.” 

Minho finds it hard to believe that, but considering what just happened, he decides to put those thoughts aside for now. It’s still pretty early. ,,Where are you?”

,,Home. I have like two days off, so I went to visit my brother and his family. Wish we could spend more time together, but he’s busy with his own stuff.” There’s a beeping sound coming through the speaker. ,,Someone’s calling me. Gotta take this. Let’s talker later, kitten, alright?”

,,Okay. Take care.”

He ends the call with a strange feeling of loneliness, staring out of the window. Soonie hops on his chest and starts kneading it with his paws, purrs rumbling through his big furry body.

4. The New Year's Party

It’s the 31st December. The last day of the year. Everyone is busy with party preparations as most people choose to spend the day with their friends, shopping in the malls and going clubbing.

In the end, Minho decides to join his friends at the cabin that belongs to Yujin’s parents. He doesn’t want to be alone and although he knows his parents would welcome him with open arms if he came to Gimpo, he doesn’t want to be a burden to them. His mother had enough things to worry about since her father suffered a brain stroke and she had to care for him at home.

They are drinking. A lot. Soobin is already leaning into Daesung, giggling her ass off, as the six of them sit in the circle playing spin the bottle. The rest of the group is sitting around watching TV, drinking beer or vodka on the sofa.

The bottle lands on Soobin and Yujin.

,,Truth or dare?"

,,Truth."

,,Have you ever fucked your teacher?"

Soobin rolls her eyes, sighs in resignation and admits: ,,Yes."

Excited "wooo" comes from the circle almost unison and Taehyun, a boy with beach blond curly hair, points at her. ,,Which subject? Was it after school?"

,,You get only one question," Soobin makes a mocking face at him, sticking her tongue out. ,,So not telling. Maybe next time."

,,Oh come on. Did it at least get you A?"

,,Yea, spill the tea, girl," joins Yujin. ,,We all know you’re a slut, so don’t try to hide it.”

,,Fuck off." 

,,Is that a no?"

,,That’s a “none of your fucking business”.”

,,Alright, quit the cat fights.” Jin reaches for the bottle and spins it again. 

It lands on Yujin and Minho and Minho shifts in his spot. 

Yujin doesn’t even hesitate. ,,Dare.”

Soobin makes a sound similar to calling after a cat and grins. ,,Let’s spice things up a bit, shall we? I dare you to give him head.”

,,What?!”

Minho’s heart stops beating for solid second when his brain works through what has just been said. Cackling comes from a part of the circle and the boy next to Minho gives him a knowing nudge. 

,,You can’t just–...” he attempts, although he seems to be the only one not into the idea. 

Yujin crosses her arms. ,,That’s the rules, bro. You scared?”

He is, but it’s not like he can say that out loud in front of everyone, so instead he looks down, hands curling into fists. Yujin gets up and pulls him on his feet.

,,Let’s go. It’s gonna be fun.” She winks at him enthusiastically and drags him towards the stairs.

The hallway has 6 rooms on each side as the cabin used to be a popular tourist spot due to its view of mountains, forest and river running through the valley just under the hill.

They head into the room Minho shares with Jin. There are two single beds, large wardrobe, sofa and some bookshelves. He sits down on the bed, watching her close the door with his stomach tied into knots. 

There was still some time to call it off. But Yujin was right - those are the rules of the game and he had to obey them. If he were to chicken out under some lame excuse, they would laugh at him, sayin he can’t even appreciate such a pretty girl giving him free blowjob. None of the members had to know it was his first blowjob ever and that even all the people he has ever kissed could be counted on one hand.

,,Have you ever done this?”

,,No.”

,,It’s fine. Just relax.”

She leans in to kiss him, placing a hand on the side of his neck, but Minho turns away and grabs her hand. It doesn’t feel good when she touches him there in the slightest. 

,,I don’t… I’m not really into kissing, sorry.”

He hopes it sounds like he wants to keep things casual and not because just the thought of kissing her makes his stomach flip, which is strange itself. It’s definitely not a personal preference issue - kissing always felt good for him in the past no matter who he did it with, kept his mouth occupied, lips wet and tingling as hands wandered over each other’s bodies. It was intimate and he liked the closeness.

Yujin gives him a doubtful look, but luckily doesn’t question it further. She slides off the bed to kneel in front of him, reaching to unzip his pants. The sound of zipper being undone is so loud in the quiet room he can hear it through his own rapid, stammering heartbeat. Her hand is small, a little cold, but soft as she pulls down his boxers and slowly starts stroking his cock, letting saliva drip from her lips to ease the friction.

,,You are kinda big,” she hums with a smirk. ,,I like that.” 

He has to close his eyes, trying to think back on some porn he’s recently seen to save the last bits of his dignity and get at least a little bit hard just for the show. But the only thing that comes to his mind is Minhyuk.

The guilt comes flooding instantly before he is able to stop it.

They aren’t exactly dating. He has no reason to feel that way when a pretty girl latches on his cock. It’s not cheating in any kind of way. All they do is just some occasinal phone sex and flirty messages he forces himself to not dwell too much on.

He thinks back on how he always gets hard quickly just from hearing his voice come through the speaker. On the night he woke up from a wet dream and desperately rode his giant squid plushie, how good it felt to grind against the soft fabric and bite on one of its tentacles to muffle his pathetic little moans and pleas no one could hear, spit dripping down his lips, how one of the tentacles slid between his cheeks as if it was someone’s cock teasing him to beg for it. Yet it was not enough - it wasn’t Minhyuk holding his hips, fucking up into his tight virgin hole, praising him how well he takes it, like a good boy. He thinks of how he fingered himself then and recorded it just for him, how messy it was because he couldn’t quiet reach the magical spot so he had to use one of the toys he secretly bought online to match the size of what he imagined Minhyuk would be like. He didn’t have much references, Minhyuk never sent him explicit stuff and he was way too shy to ask.

Hyung…

He looks down, watching her lick the head, swirl her tongue so that some drool drips down his balls on the sheets. She looks like she enjoys it, way more than if it was just for the sake of that dumb dare. He’s far from hard, not even an attempt to twitch in interest. It’s embarrassing.

He wonders what kind of blowjob would Minhyuk give. He must be experienced in all means of sex so it would most likely be mindblowing and have Minho come in minutes if not seconds. Maybe he would let Minho fuck his mouth, look up with his pretty, wild honey coloured eyes.

It’s at that thought he finally feels something and his whole body twitches as if hit by an electric current.

,,We should stop.”

She pulls off, frowning. Her lips are almost cherry shade of red, lipstick smudged at the corners. ,,It’s fine if you are nervous, it happens. Just give it some time.”

,,No, I-... This isn’t going anywhere.” He puts his pants back on. ,,You are lovely, Yujin, but… I’m sorry. It’s not your fault. I just can’t do this.”

,,Why?”

,,I don’t like you in that way.”

Yujin wipes her mouth, going from confused to angry really quick. ,,Whatever,” she spits. ,,Go fuck yourself then, I’m done with your loser ass.” 

She storms off before he can say anything, shutting the door with a loud bang that almost knocks down a picture on the wall next to it.

Minho hears thudding of music from downstairs. It sounds like Radiohead. Someone laughs. It sounds like Soobin. She’s always so cheerful, like a mom of their group, even though she likes to bicker with the girls and nag them. 

The snow is quietly falling outside the window, covering it in a thin white layer. Cold wind seeps through the cracks in the wooden wall. Somewhere in the tree outside a crow caws.

Minho almost falls asleep staring into the ceiling, when he hears a careful knock on the door.

,,Minho?”

It’s Jin. Of course if anyone were to check on him, it would be their leader. They are basically best friends and Minho has always looked up to him like a younger brother would.

God knows what happened down there. Yeah, there is no way he could come back down at least for the rest of the night. Maybe it would be better to just call and Uber and go home.

He sits up, trying to put on a smile. ,,Come in.”

The door opens and the leader walks in. He’s holding two cans of beer. Minho gladly takes one of them to wash down the shame. He’s already feeling a bit tipsy but still sober enough to keep thinking about what happened with Yujin. That definitely needs to be fixed.

,,Guess Yujin told you.”

,,Yeah, she was pretty pissed off, not gonna lie.” Jin sits next to him, patting Minho’s hair. ,,Don’t take it too personal, she will move on soon enough. How are you holding up?” Minho’s face drops at that. When he cautiously puts down their drinks and pulls him into a hug, the boy is already sniffling into his hoodie.

,,I’m so fucking dumb, hyung.”

,,No, you’re not. It’s normal to not be into everyone that tries to go down on you. She’s not really my type either.”

Jin is so warm and he smells like mint cigarettes he smokes and fruit punch. Minho clings onto him, shaking, as the leader strokes his back to calm him down. 

That’s when he feels the boy kissing his neck. It’s tentative, more like pecks traveling to his collar bones.

,,Hyung…” he sighs, fingers sneaking under the hoodie. ,,Need you, hyung.”

It’s when he slides his hand up the leader’s leg to paw on his crotch with a needy sound that Jin calls the red. 

,,Stop, Minho, no. What are you-” He pulls him away by force, holding the boy’s shoulders firmly. ,,You are drunk, this is a really bad idea.” Minho’s head drops. 

He’s always been the closest with Jin from their group. He was a few years older, tall, liked to work out and draw and he has been performing since his early years at elementary school just like Minho did. Whenever Minho had something troubling his mind, he knew he could come to Jin for support and voice of reason.

,,Hyung, I-...” He swallows the tightness in his throat. What the fuck was he thinking? ,,There’s something I’ve never told anyone. Can you please promise you won’t hate me?”

Jin looks at him, worried and unsure, but then he nods. ,,There’s no way I could ever hate you. Unless you like murdered someone. What is it?”

Minho forces his gaze back up, whispering shakily: ,,I-... I’m gay.”

,,Oh…” Jin doesn’t seem surprised or disgusted, he just slowly lets his hands fall off Minho’s shoulders. Then he sighs. ,,I kinda figured a while back when guys took you with us to that strip club on my birthday and you were the only one not looking at any of those tits or asses walking around. There’s nothing bad about it, trust me.”

Minho sniffles, cheeks red and eyes glassy with unshed tears. He’s so relieved now that the burden is dropped off of him and he wasn’t met with rejection. ,,I’m so horny right now,” he whines, leaning his head on Jin’s shoulder. ,,Can I at least suck you off?”

,,Okay, that’s it. I’m calling your boyfriend.” 

,,I don’t have a boyfriend.”

Jin resolutely gets up and walks to the table where Minho’s phone is charging. He unlocks it and clicks on the messages, forcing himself to not pay attention to any of the text. The most recent threaded is titled “Min-hyung <3“, so it’s not hard to guess which number to pick. He dials up the contact, eyes trailing off to watch Minho drinking his beer while staring somewhere into the abyss.

There’s a soft clack on the other side of the line.

,,Hey, this is Minho’s friend,” he says. ,,We have a little get together with the crew and he’s got a bit tipsy here. Nothing too bad, he’s just really emotional and sulky because I won’t let him vent out the big horny on me. Could you please take care of this?”

,,Put him on.”

,,Thanks.”

Jin presses the phone into Minho’s hand. He can tell he’s getting sleepy because he basically has to hold it to his ear. ,,You can come back to us later if you feel like it, okay?” he pinches the boy’s cheek. ,,Just try not to throw up anywhere besides the bathroom or Yujin will kick your ass. I’ll come check on you.”

,,You are so nice to me, hyung.” Minho sighs dreamily, almost drunk level oblivious smile plastered on his face as he eyes him up. ,,Offer still stands if you change your mind,” he calls after the leader with a wink before Jin leaves in the hallway. 

,,I see you are being a bratty little princess.”

,,Hi, daddy.”

,,Hi, baby. How are you feeling?”

,,Not good.” Minho lays down on the bed, pulling a blanket over him. It’s cold and almost midnight, which means it’s just a matter of time before everyone downstairs goes out to blast some fireworks. ,,I miss you so much. I know I can’t see you and your work is important, but it just… it hurts, hyung. I wish you were here with me.”

,,I’m sorry, Min. I miss you too.” 

Minho takes a sip of the beer, trying to push back the tears. 

It’s so hard, falling asleep alone, watching everyone be happy in their relationship and talk about their hookups. No matter how much he tries, nothing ever compares to the way he feels with Minhyuk. How happy he is whenever he gets to hear his voice, see a message notification. He’s so damn scared of the thought that all this is just onesided, that once it becomes too much, one he becomes too much, Minhyuk will push him away and find someone else that has everything sorted out and enough experience. That’s he’s so easily replaceable. 

,,You know, the ticket… I got it from my friends as a birthday present back then. I couldn’t afford it when the tour was announced and I felt so bad that they had to spend so much money on me, but they convinced me to go. I was so nervous, you know?” He laughs into his hoodie sleeve at the memory. ,,I’ve looked up to you for so long, ever since I saw you on the TV for the first time. I was so scared of losing the only memory of seeing you that I had, that’s why I freaked out when I found out I lost it and that guy at the entrance wouldn’t let me in. Then you just appeared out of nowhere, like some adonis, savior. You trusted me, let me backstage, talked to me like I actually meant something and I… I felt so lucky, hyung. I am lucky. For me, this is such a dream come true. I could never even imagine-... I don’t want to fuck this up just because I have nothing to offer to you. I don’t want to lose you.” He feels his own voice starting to crack at the seams and when he realizes it, it’s already too late. ,,Please don’t leave me, hyung. I promise I’ll be better. I’ll be good for you, I’ll do anything, just don’t leave me…” 

,,Breathe, kitten. I’m here.”

Minhyuk’s voice is quiet, understanding. Minho wants to think he sounds sad, maybe a bit strained, but that might be only his hopeful wish. There was no way Minhyuk would think anything else besides what a fucking mess he is after that tearjerking spill.

This definitely wasn’t how he imagined the end of the year would go. 

,,I’m here, Minho. I’m so happy to have you. You don’t need to prove me anything.”

It takes a while for him to actually calm down, until the last shaky exhale leaves his body while Minhyuk talks him through it. He’s left tucked under the blanket, warm and safe, completely spent.

,,I’m so sleepy, hyung.”

,,Are you in your bed right now?”

,,Mmmm…”

,,Should I sing you something?”

,,Mmmm…”

Minhyuk laughs, endeared. Minho loves that kind of laugh so much. ,,Okay. Get comfy and close your eyes.”

He falls asleep like that, listening to Minhyuk singing Stand by me as the year says goodbye.

5. Face to face

By the next summer Minho leaves his dance group and joins an agency that trains backup dancers for music companies in hopes to get noticed. It’s such a new experience. He’s not used to meeting idols from up close and performing next to them. He gets to work with pretty big names, most of all BTS.

The group is working hard in preparations for the upcoming Japan tour. They often practise until late night hours and Minho comes home exhausted and sore.

The atmosphere during their practice is a big shift from what he experienced back in Soulglobe, which mostly consisted of friends and classmates. Back then, they were just a group of kids dancing for fun, sometimes taking part in local competitions. Now it was way more professional, just how he imagined working in the industry would be.

He doesn’t get to talk to Minhyuk much. They both have tons of work and regardless of how bad Minho wanted to see him, meeting in person was way too risky. Rumours spread quickly like a wildfire. All it could take was one suspicious looking picture, similar outfit, hand holding, going into a hotel together, and he could ruin Minhyuk’s career for good. It was selfish to be asking for more and there was no point in bringing his lonely feelings up, especially not if they were one sided. Because there was no way Minhyuk would still be talking to him out of more than a boredom, easy ego boost and some free occasional phone sex. 

The first concert wraps up. The group thanks all of the staff including the backup dancers for their hard work and they are off to the dressing rooms.

Minho is changing his clothes as quickly as possible. The rest of the group is mostly just chatting about their plans for the rest of the evening. There is a host bar near the venue so they might go there.

,,Talking to Yeji, huh?” Jin remarks to the boy sitting on the sofa with his eyes glued to the phone and takes a sip out of the soda can.

,,Fuck off,” the other boy mutters, not even bothering to look up. ,,Had to cancel our date because of this. At this point she might just find another guy to fuck instead.”

,,She’s gotta have like top tier head game if you are so into her, dude.”

,,I mean why would you be with someone that’s not experienced? Or worse - have relationship with no sex at all." He snickers. ,,Like come on, that sounds boring as fuck. What are you gonna do all the time instead of fucking? Knitting? Nah, pass.”

,,Yeah, totally,” another boy sits down on the sofa next to him. He’s a bit younger and his hair is bleached. ,,Unless I can barely walk straight every morning, she’s not worth it. That’s why dating virgins is so difficult, they just keep making you wait and wait when all you want it get your dick wet. And when you do actually get, it’s just so fucking sloppy.”

Minho grips his duffel bag as laughter fills the room and walks out.

He hasn’t heard his voice for like two weeks now. Even though Minhyuk texted him seemingly anytime he had some time in between promotions and rehearsals, it wasn’t enough. Even the phone sex wasn’t that exciting anymore. It couldn't fill the void inside him. He felt lonely not being able to cuddle up to the person next to him, wake up and get some more loving sex. He just knew Minhyuk would take care of him so well, explore his body for hours and make him come so many times until Minho would pass out. He craved that so much.

They were from two very different worlds and it was just a matter of time before Minhyuk ghosted him completely when he got bored. He was probably already sleeping with someone else, maybe a fellow celebrity, or had many boys hooked up on his charm like Minho was. One for each day of the week. It was just a casual fling for him.

Minho pulls down his mask to drink, taking a few sips of ice cold water. The back entrance is for staff only so he doesn’t have to get through the crowd in the front. 

He feels like he should go out with the guys, but he feels kinda sore after the concert so heading for the hotel room, take a long hot shower and go sleep early might be the better idea. It’s not like he would miss out on something. Moreover, after that incident he hasn’t really felt the same around them anymore, but he had to push through it and get his head back in the game. It was his job after all and any personal relations couldn't stand in his way of doing it right. He wanted to get better, gain enough skills and confidence to pass the audition.

He checks his phone for new notifications. No missed calls, just a message from his mother and pictures of his cats that she looked after anytime he had to be away. It’s Doongie playing with one of the catnip mice he love to chase around the house. Soonie has a cute little knitted carrot hat sitting between his ears, looking completely uninterested. It makes him smile.

The live just ended. 

Say goodnight to the boys for me. Don’t feed them too much.

Miss you.

He scrolls through Twitter really quick to catch up with any updates of his favorite artists, likes and retweets a few posts. One of the younger boys from their group waves at him as he passes by to get on the bus. It’s getting late so maybe he should follow him too. 

,,Waiting for someone, kitten?” 

Minho almost drops his phone turning after the voice.

He’s there. Standing next to his shiny black car, with a ballcap on his head, golden rimmed glasses and a face mask pulled down to his chin to reveal a flirty smile. His hair is dark and a bit longer than the last time Minho remembers from the Seoul concert, but the snowflake earring is still there. He’s wearing jeans with plain white shirt tucked into his belt and a striped navy blue-white button up sweater reaching a bit above his hips, which highlights his tiny waist. There are no jewels except for a simple leather pendant sitting between his collar bones.

Minho runs for it without much thinking, jumping the older man with so much force that they both stumble a bit towards the car and it all dawns on him. He can’t hold back the tears, gripping the older's shoulders to stop himself from the tremor.

,,Hyung…” he whispers in a shaky voice, but it comes out more like a sob. Fuck, why is he so sensitive. ,,You came here, you-... fuck…” he breaks into a desperate laughter full of relief as he feels all the tension of the past months go away at once. Minhyuk smells like the hoodie he sent him about a month back so Minho's suspicion that he sprayed it with his perfume is only confirmed. It’s endearing.

,,Yeah, wanted to see you perform.”

Minho’s heart clenches when he hears how affected Minhyuk sounds, as if he was moments away from crumbling, tightening the hold on his waist with a sigh into Minho's neck.

He flew all the way to Japan just to see him on the stage - a boy he’s known a little over a year. Because he knew how much it means to him.

Minho reluctantly pulls away, wiping his cheeks with an embarrassed chuckle. ,,Sorry, I-... Don’t know what came over me. Are you here alone?”

,,You mean incognito? Yep, totally. All yours.” Minhyuk hums with a cheeky wink, swiping a thumb over his cheek before gently poking it. He’s a little shorter than Minho remembers, but Minho blames it on the sidewalk angle and lack of platforms. ,,Get in. I’ll give you a ride. If you’re hungry, I got you some pastry on the way here, looked like somehing you'd like. It’s in the back.”

Minho obediently gets into the car, puts his bag down and tells Minhyuk the hotel address to put it into the GPS. The heating is on and it’s pleasantly warm inside so his fingers stop tingling soon. He turns around to find a neatly wrapped package on the backseat. 

There’s some fresh warm melon pan, onigiri filled with tuna and mayo and a cup of vanilla pudding with a Doraemon sticker under the lid. His stomach is growling just seeing all of that so he digs into it without much hesitation, unwrapping the onigiri first.

Minhyuk closes the door on his side, takes off his hat and mask to put it on the side and starts the engine.

,,Sorry I didn’t tell you. Wanted to keep this a surprise and I thought that if I told you I was coming, you would be too distracted.”

Minho makes a satisfied noise, munching on full mouth of onigiri as he watches Minhyuk’s hand on the steering wheel turning it to head back to the main road. He’s suddenly overcome with the desire to touch, stare, kiss… just get his fill. He's almost drunk with it. 

,,...that’s why dating virgins is so difficult…”

,,...relationship with no sex? So boring…”

His munching slows down as he swallows the last piece, mouth suddenly going dry. 

Right. They haven’t even kissed yet. All the talk and sex was way easier over the phone and suddenly he found himself getting anxious over the thought of how all this could go. How he probably wouldn’t even be able to get hard, focusing too much on the aspect of doing good for hyung, to show he can learn. 

Once again Minho remembers that this is just their second time meeting in person, that this indeed is Lee Minhyuk - his idol, a famous dancer and singer with so much experience. Minho doesn’t really believe himself to be a good kisser. More like way below average. Nevertheless when it comes to going beyond that. 

,,Are you tired?”

They are standing at the traffic lights. Minhyuk’s face is lit by a red light from the side and his hand gently moves to stroke the boy’s thigh to catch his attention when he doesn't respond at first. It’s not anything sexual, just grounding. Claiming.

Minho catches himself staring in awe. With a painful tang in his throat, he realizes how madly in love he is with this man and everything he does.

,,A bit, yeah,” he admits, leaning his head on the car window, suddenly overcome with dark thoughts. It’s true but he doesn’t want to get into the real reason.

The sky is dark and covered with deep grey clouds inclining rain. The air smells like water. Tokyo reminds him so much of Seoul with its tall buildings, colours, buzzing with life and excitement and so many tourist spots. 

He thinks how much easier it would be if he was in this just for sex, if all he was into were the man’s looks and money since both is so temporary. But he’s not.

,,Are you flying back tomorrow?”

Minhyuk nods, eyes briefly flicking in the boy’s direction as the cars pass on the crossroad in front of them from left to right. ,,Early flight. We’ve got some talk show in two days so I promised hyungs to be back soon.”

,,I see…” 

Minhyuk reaches for his hand that is resting in Minho's lap. It’s the one he’d hurt during the practice a week ago. ,,What's on your mind? You've been so down recently I was worried."

,,It's…" Minho swallows the guilt and shakes his head, pulling away. He can't put that burden on him. ,,It's nothing really."

He decides to drown this weird headspace in pudding instead of lingering on it so much and puts the rest of the food in his bag for later. It’s just the right amount of sweet, almost melting in his mouth like a cotton candy.

The car stops in front of the hotel, right across the street so they can still have some privacy. It’s getting late so most of the guests are already in their rooms or out for fun since the hotel is so close to Shibuya.

Minho reaches for the door handle but his hand stops there. 

He would lie if he said he didn’t imagine their first official date to go a different way - maybe once he was back in Korea, going out to some barbeque place and then spending the night in his apartment fulfilling all of those fantasies he’s had since pretty much the day he first saw Minhyuk on the TV and even more since the night he’d lost that ticket. Finally getting to put what he’s researched in theory into a good use, show how much he appreciates Minhyuk. They could park the car somewhere aside and have a good time to celebrate the reunion, but those things work for normal people. Not for them.

,,Hyung?”

,,Hmm?”

,,I don’t want you to get in trouble because of me.”

Minhyuk makes him look up with a soft push of his fingers on Minho’s chin. He’s wearing the same bracelet Minho got for his birthday. ,,I won’t.”

,,I mean… you came all the way here just to see me, knowing we can’t-...” Minho stumbles over his own words under the weight of his gaze and how amused he seems to be by Minho’s flustered self. 

,,Even if I were to see you for just five minutes and tell you how good you’ve done, it’s worth it,” Minhyuk says, putting a lost stand of hair behind the boy’s ear, tracing the shell with his fingertips. ,,Don’t worry about it. I wanted to come here to support you. I don’t expect anything for it. You are tired and still on the road so it’s important to rest and eat well.” 

Minho feels like cornered. He grabs Minhyuk’s wrist as if trying to decide whether to push it away or lean into it like he craves. ,,But you-”

He’s cut off by a kiss and suddenly it’s like his brain shuts down and restarts with the Windows noise.

Minhyuk is kissing him. Minhyuk is kissing him. 

It’s gentle, the way Minhyuk holds him by the neck and nips on his lips before slowly licking into his mouth as he slightly tilts the boy’s head. Minho sits there, frozen, unmoving, his body seized in shock like a deer in headlights.

Minhyuk pulls away then. ,,Sorry, I-... I shouldn’t have done that,” he says. ,,Guess I’ve read this all wrong.”

He looks so unsure and regretful, complete opposite of when he rolls his hips on stage and so much like the man that fell asleep kneeling next to his bed over a year ago, Minho snaps right then.

He pulls Minhyuk into a bruising kiss, eagerly licking into his warm welcoming mouth with a moan. He’s almost dizzy with the need to touch, to feel, to get his hands on Minhyuk’s bare skin. With the way his lips tingle and pulse, feeling Minhyuk softly gasp in surprise when he parts them. He practically rips his seatbelt off and moves to straddle the older man, grinds down once, twice, shoving his hands under the man’s shirt. His thighs tighten when he feels Minhyuk run his palm along Minho’s lower back, dipping into the dimples above his pants to steady him.

,,Slow down, kitten,” he childes him, looking at the thoroughly wrecked boy in his lap. Minho’s ears are hot, blush spreading from his cheeks all the way under the hoodie, lips cherry red with traces of spit as he gazes at the man with dark deer like eyes and chest heaving with anticipation of a teenage boy driven by pure want.

,,Want you, hyung,” he whispers, squrming in his hold, but Minhyuk holds him by the hips so he can’t move much. 

,,I know, jagi. Just don’t rush it.” Minho makes a sound of discontent, pulling on his sweater. ,,Can I kiss you?” The boy hums in reply and then they are kissing again. 

Minhyuk cradles his cheek, holding him firmly while his other hand moves to stroke his thigh and Minho slowly melts under his touch until the flame turns into a simmering boil. Like that, he’s able to savor it, fully absorb the fact that they are doing this. In Minhyuk’s car, practically in front of a hotel. 

Minhyuk kisses down his neck and he lets out a tiny gasp, almost fisting the man’s sweater.

,,You are so beautiful when I touch you.”

Minho has never been called beautiful or pretty or gorgeous, not before he met him. It was so hard to believe these words when he saw himself in the mirror, still having those chubby baby cheeks, no abs and barely any muscles. 

,,Don’t-...” his complaint cuts off on a moan when Minhyuk squeezes his chest and bites down on the skin and a full body shudder runs through him. It’s too much, he’s so overwhelmed with how his body reacts. He’s at least half hard in the confines of his jeans and it gets worse when Minhyuk palms him over the trousers.

,,Sorry, was that too much?”

,,N-No…” Minho takes a deep breath. The fresh hickey on his neck is pulsing. ,,I’m okay. I just want to make hyung feel good too.” With that, he slides off Minhyuk’s lap into the crowded space on the ground under the steering wheel. He reaches for the belt, feeling of deja vu taking over when he remembers that dream. His fingers are shaking from how nervous he is but he manages to unbuckle it and hastily pull down his underwear.

It’s not the first time seeing a cock in his life. He’s had plenty of views in the gym or swimming pool and his search history could speak for itself. He’s not too big, more on the thick side, shaved. Minho leans in, sticking out his tongue to kitten lick over the head, swirling his tongue. It tastes like nothing, but he likes the way it throbs in his mouth when he puts an inch inside and sucks. It earns him a groan and Minhyuk shifts in his seat, spreading his legs a bit more so Minho can try taking him deeper while working his hand over the part he can’t fit in. However it’s too much and as soon as he feels the length slide over his tongue further, his throat constricts in not a good way and he has to pull off. Before he can dive in again, Minhyuk stops him.

,,Don’t. That’s enough.”

Minho blinks in surprise and his stomach flips with a bad feeling. ,,What’s wrong?”

Minhyuk tucks himself back, doing his pants up. Minho notes he’s not even fully hard. ,,I’m tired. It’s getting late so maybe we should…”

Minho feels a cold hand seizing his heart in a fist. Of course it wasn’t great even though he tried his best. He just wasn’t up to the standard.

He sits back on his spot, grabs his bag and opens the door to get out of the car. Cold air hits his still heated skin. He refuses to turn around and let Minhyuk see his eyes filling with tears as he angrily pulls his hoodie down. His lips are still pulsing with the force of their kiss and how Minhyuk felt in his mouth. 

He doesn’t even have the guts to tell him the truth, which is that it was probably the worst blowjob he’s ever got. That Minho is just so bad at this he’d rather hide behind excuses as to not hurt the boy’s feelings. 

,,Sorry I’m not experienced,” he mutters with pain.

,,Minho…”

He slams the door shut at once and doesn’t bother looking back before more or less running across the road towards the hotel. Some guy smoking at the entrance gives him a weird look. 

He knows Minhyuk can’t come after him unless he wants to risk getting spotted chasing some crying teenager that just ran out of his car, but it still stings.

As soon as the door closes behind him, he throws his bag in the corner, kicks the shoes off and rips off his hoodie. There’s someone sleeping in one of the beds already.

Once his head hits the pillow, he breaks down in sobs. 

6. Craving

After that incident, they break it off. Minhyuk doesn’t give much reasoning, just says that Minho is too young and he should focus on more important things. Minho wants to think it’s for the better, but it still hurts. His self-doubts come true at last when he realizes this was bound to happen at some point - he was young, inexperienced, immature, clingy. Minhyuk had his priorities sorted out, knew what he wanted from life, which definitely wasn’t losing time with some desperate fanboy.

They weren't exactly dating, it was just some occassional phone sex and dates. Minho got to learn more and more about his own body and what he liked, but they weren’t exactly dating . It was so easy to get turned on, easier than with any porn he has ever watched. He's never even slept with anyone. There were just too many issues to work through, like putting himself out there at someone's mercy, being judged on how he looked naked, how he sounded, how long he could last. Hearing all those praises, feeling the steady presence of Minhyuk's hand caressing his leg when they spent the evening together - there was no one else he wanted to give himself to. Nothing felt as good as those gentle fingers running through his hair when he sucked him off in the car, tightening but never pushing. 

But at last, he was nothing but a fun little toy. He wasn't special. Not when the man he so hopelessly pined for could have anyone he wanted. There were lines of fans ready to go on their knees, waiting for the opportunity. Minhyuk was experienced, famous, hot as fuck, charismatic, kind and funny. So why would he bother dating someone like Minho, a clingy shy boy with love for dancing, when he could have just about anyone?

It’s about 10 PM. The members are already packing their stuff while Minho sits on the floor to catch his breath and go through his phone. His left wrist is wrapped in bandages and there’s a thin silver bracelet peeking from under his hoodie sleeve.

,,You going or not, Minho?”

,,I’ll stay here a little longer.”

,,Okay, see ya tomorrow then.”

He waves the two boys off and takes a sip of water from his bottle. He could really use a shower, but he knows he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep without knowing he put his all out there during the practice.

Someone approaches him. All he can see from his peripheral vision are white Nike sneakers.

,,Wanna go through the steps together?”

It’s Junwoo, one of the older boys. He has the most experience out of them and his parents are well off. Minho doesn’t really talk to him often, all he usually talks about is his girlfriend and cars, and Minho is into neither of those, but he still respects Junwoo as a senior.

They are all alone here.

,,Sure.” Minho connects his phone to the bluetooth speaker, hits the play and goes to stand on his starting spot. 

There is a part he keeps messing up, which is one of the reasons he decided to stay longer.

,,Your timing is off.”

Minho knows it’s not. He’s always been proud of his timing and coordination skills. But Junwoo is older, he can’t just stand up to him openly. It’s frustrating and he’s way too exhausted to deal with this. 

He kneels to tighten his shoelaces, while Junwoo goes to play the song from the start, not really paying it much attention when he doesn’t hear any music coming out from the speakers for a while. Then he looks up and sees Junwoo scrolling through his phone. 

It’s usually locked with a password, especially since he has started talking to Minhyuk to prevent some sensitive information leak.

,,What the fuck are you doing?” Junwoo just smirks and shows no sign of stopping, so he reaches to snatch it from his hands, but unsuccessfully.

,,Wow, didn’t know our little Minnie was such a slut.”

,,Give it back!” He makes another attempt, but Junwoo pushes him to the mirror, holding both wrists behind his back. The strain hurts. Something in his injured wrist pops and he cries out in pain. 

He watches in dread as Junwoo scrolls through his phone, heading straight for the gallery. 

,,Let go of me!”

The boy only laughs and presses his wrists harder towards his lowe back. ,,My, my, what do we have here?” He taps the play button on one of the videos in the chat with interest. 

,,D-Daddy… it’s too big…”

Minho hears himself moan, knowing damn well which clip that is - the one he shot few days ago thinking if he sent this then Minhyuk wouldn’t think of him as inexperienced anymore and come back to him. It features a realistic looking dildo he bought on the spur one drunken night.

,,I… I love you s-so much, hyung…”  

Invisible hand seizes his windpipes and blood rushes into his head so quickly he’s dizzy. He feels like he’s about to throw up.

,,Look at you riding that fake dick like a champ. Pretty good, huh. So you like your ass stuffed?” 

,,Please, don’t-...”

,,Shut your fag mouth.”

The sounds finally stops when Junwoo throws his phone to the ground. Cold air hits his exposed ass as the man pulls down his sweatpants in one go, fingers digging into his lower back so hard he moans in pain. 

,,You are so fucking disgusting,” Junwoo whispers into his ear. ,,Bet you have small useless dick too. Couldn’t even fuck anyone if you tried.”

Dry finger slides over his crack to his hole, dipping in a knuckle. It’s not pleasant in the slightest, just dry. He’s clenched and far from aroused. 

,,Please stop, I don't want this," he begs. The mirror is foggy from his breath. He's crying, thrashing against the force of how the dancer pins him to the hard cold surface. 

,,What? Don’t tell me you are a fucking virgin now. With the nasty ass things you are sending to that guy? Come on. Relax. You like things up your ass, don’t you?”

Hyung…

All that comes out is a defeated whimper, which only causes Junwoo to laugh more as he fucks him with two fingers.

,,Be a good boy and none of this will get out. Deal?” Minho desperately shakes his head, eyes tightly closed. He grabs him by the chin and makes him watch. ,,What was that? Should I send your precious hyung some little clip?"

,,N-No…" 

,,No what?"

,,No, please. I'll be good. Just don't tell anyone."

,,Fuck, you are tight. Maybe you just need some real dick to fuck your little hole open, no?”

The door opens and Minho hears voices of some of the other members. 

,,What the fuck are you doing here, Junwoo?!"

Jin tears Junwoo away and punches him. The boy stumbles backwards, blood spilling from his nose. He points at Minho with rage and hatred spilling from his eyes:

,,He's a fucking fag!"

,,So you decide to rape him?!" Jin yells, pushing the other boy to the mirror so hard it shakes. He's taller and older than Junwoo, so the other doesn’t have the strength to fight back. ,,What the fuck were you thinking?!"

,,So you are the one fucking him, huh? Makes sense, you came here together and you are always giving him heart eyes.” Junwoo looks in Minho’s direction, giggling maniacally. ,,Look, Minnie. Your knight in shining armor came to rescue your pathetic ass. Gonna suck his dick to thank him properly?” That gets him another punch from the leader.

,,Stop, that’s enough!” one of the dancers yells at them. Jin lets the other boy go and Junwoo almost sags to the ground.

,,Get the fuck out before I call the police.”

Junwoo spares Minho a hateful snicker, wiping the blood off of his face, then he marches to get his bag and spits in Minho's direction before storming out of the practice room.

Minho is still on the ground, two boys checking on him. He waves them off, though he’s still shaken and his legs shake when he gets up to pick up his phone. The screen is cracked.

Jin runs up to him before his legs give out.

,,I’ll drive you to the hospital.”

,,I’m good.”

,,No, you are not. You might be injured.”

,,I told you I’m fine!” Minho snaps. He’s fucking exhausted. His wrist hurts and he can still feel the fingers stretching him dry. Suddenly the hand on his arm is too much, too tight.

He half limps to take his stuff, avoiding anyone’s gaze as he leaves the practice room and stumbles into his room upstairs. 

There's a food delivery waiting in front of his door, which he grabs without much thinking. He's not sure when did he ever order it but whatever. 

He doesn't even bother taking his clothes off when he turns the shower on and sits on the floor, watching the water lead into the drain. 

He wanted this, right? His dreams were all about Minhyuk being rough with him and he liked it. He liked being told all those dirty things whenever they were on the phone together too.

So why was he so fucking scared now?

He lets the water soak his clothes, drip down his hair until it sticks to his face. He’s freezing. The lingering hands are still there, all over his body, palm covering his mouth to silence his screams, finger fucking into him and then two, wet with spit. 

When he gets into the bed, dressed in a fresh lilac pyjamas, he opens up messages and writes:

Something happened, hyung. I really need to talk to you. 

It’s bad, I don’t know what to do.

He’s hoovering over the send button for a few seconds before deleting the whole thing and closing the app.

Minhyuk is probably working right now. It’s not like he has time to deal with this. Besides, he would most likely make him go to the police and report the guy, which is definitely not something Minho feels like getting into. They are on a tour and any fights among the group could potentially escalate to the point where they could lose the job. It’s better to just shut up and move on. Especially since they broke up. It’s not like he still cares about him anymore.

Only then does he notice the little note on the plastic bag he had put on the table: 

Don't forget to eat your dinner. :) 

Under that is a little sun emoji - Jin’s signature.

The food is from his favourite place - a teriyaki shrimp stir fry and some spring rolls with dipping sauce. It smells amazing and it's still hot. He forces himself to eat the food, even though his stomach is in knots and his mind keeps telling him he doesn’t deserve any of that. He just can’t bear the thought of throwing out anything hyung would give him. At least it makes him feel better and warms him up.

Once he is fed, his body finally processes how tired it is. It’s really late and they have another rehearsal tomorrow.

His phone screen lights up with notification. It’s a gym selfie Minhyuk has just posted. He’s so hot in that tank top, showing off his arms. Minho likes it and leaves three hearts in the comments for a good measure. 

He couldn’t bring himself to unfollow him on social media, even though it’s just a self-torture at this point. The only thing he could do was block his number, but that didn’t last long either.

He presses the home screen button to see if he can occupy his mind further with mindlessly scrolling through some more apps. The wallpaper is one of Minhyuk’s selfies - one where he’s pouting adorably and doing a heart sign. It could be easily mistaken as one of those he usually posts for fans to lose their minds over, but this one was just for Minho. It hasn’t been posted.

One day I’ll make you proud, hyung, he thinks, looking at his bracelet glistening under the violet neon light next to his bed. It’s so pretty and elegant. He didn’t have the heart to throw it out.

He remembers his last birthday before that failed date - how they chatted until late night hours despite the fact that he knew he would be dead tired in the morning, and Minhyuk played the piano for him. He could see that something was wrong when Minho spent most of it under the blanket like a cocooning caterpillar, so he shared his worries about the tour and upcoming audition for JYP.

,,You are working so hard. There’s no way they won’t see your talent.”

He misses him so much. The support he always got from him, the morning messages, his soothing voice.

7. The Elimination

A year later Minho passes the JYP audition and becomes a trainee in the company. He spends about two months working hard to perfect his vocal, dance and performing skills before being selected by a long-time trainee Bang Chan, along with seven other members to form a new boy group. They become close friends over their training period and get to participate in a survival show to compete for debut with another aspiring girl group, as well as perform their original songs to impress the judges.

Minho stumbles into his dorm room, door shutting behind him. It’s dark and everyone else is still on the set.

It’s over. For him, for his dreams. 

In the end, all he could do was disappoint his group by not being good enough. Maybe if he trained for more hours, slept less, ate less so he could have more time to practise, it wouldn’t have come to this. He wouldn’t mess up the lyrics.

He can’t stop the tears running down his cheeks, wiping them with his sleeve, as he aggresively stuffs the contents of his closet into the luggage and bundles. 

His whole life has been downed into a few cluttered bags. All the photos of his family and mates he used to look at everyday, all of his plushies. A picture with his parents from the day he graduated, a T-shirt he used to wear as a member of Soulglobe - signed by all of his friends on the day he said goodbye.

There’s a creeping, sharp pain seeping into his chest like a lethal poison as his hands shake no matter how hard he tries to keep them steady to pull the stuck zipper, and before he knows it he’s full on sobbing. 

He drops the pile of tangled up clothing, knees giving in. A desperate scream crawls out of his throat, fist hitting the ground over and over again until his knuckles start bleeding, but he doesn’t feel anything. ,,Fuck!” he screams through the tears that drip on the carpet between his legs. ,,Why-… Why is this happening!” 

Ever since signing under the agency, he barely had time for anything but practise and keeping his body in shape with strict diets and working out. He’s lost a bit of weight and put on some muscles, but he often found himself almost fainting from exhaustion. He wanted to prove himself, push beyond his limits in order to get better and better.

Then there was this article about Minhyuk contacting his ex-girlfriend, asking for her number. He claimed it was just innocent, friendly, and nothing but wanting to catch up on how she's doing when her current boyfriend confronted him about it publicly. Minho knew it was a big fucking lie.

He also stumbled upon a newly released solo stage, watched him dance with some girl, watched her take off his jacket and pop open a shirt button. 

It was the last straw for his sanity. 

It takes a second try before he manages to get out more than wet exhales or pathetic wrecked sobs into the speaker of his phone.

,,Hyung… S-Sorry… I’m so sorry, hyung…” he whispers. ,,I didn't make it. T-They said my dancing-… I'm so scared, hyung. I ruined everything, let down my mates, my mum, you… I-... I don’t know what to do. I miss you so much…" 

He doesn’t even know if it saves or the speaker picks up anything at all besides his weak shaking voice full of hysteria when he ends the voice mail and drops his phone on the carpet. 

He sits on the bed, hugging his knees. The tears won't stop and neither does the sting of shame in his chest. Not even his best was enough to make it. 

He thinks he hears a faint knock on the door. His consciousness keeps slipping away and he feels like he’s gonna pass out every moment. 

There are steps in the hallway, a voice he can’t really make out. It sounds worried. 

,,Min… Fuck, I’m so sorry…”

It’s Chan. Of course. Who else. He sits down next to Minho, pulling him gently into his arms, but Minho pushes him away. 

,,Get out, I don't need your pity!" he shouts through his cracking voice. There's a brand new blazing emotion settling into his chest - anger. ,,Nothing you say makes this any better. You were wrong. You shouldn’t have chosen me for this. It’s over."

Chan doesn't say anything, only stares at him. His eyes seem shiny and red rimmed in the dim yellow light of lamp placed on the night table. As if he cried too before coming here. When he hugs Minho again, he doesn't release his hold no matter how hard the boy struggles and trashes against it, until Minho eventually gives up.

,,I love you so much. You've worked so hard, made me so proud. We can get through this, okay?" That’s when Minho starts sobbing again, even louder, clutching on the leader’s shirt like his life depends on it. 

Minho wants to say it's a lie. That he didn't work hard enough, otherwise they would all debut just like they have pictured it. That there is no reason to be proud of such a failure. Yet he can't bring himself to say any of that, only repeating broken I'm sorry, hyung over and over again as Chan craddles him, stroking his back. He smells like a herbal shampoo and a little bit of sweat, his heart beating rapidly so Minho can feel it resonating through his own chest. He's so warm, like a towel pulled straight out of the drier. He doesn't say anything, knows that's not what Minho needs right now.

They sit like that for god knows how long until Minho feels numb and empty. His head hurts like it’s being unscrewed from his spine. He has to lie down. Chan carefully places himself next to him, stroking his hair soothingly.

,,Have you ever been with someone?" Minho asks in merely a whisper.

,,Like dating?"

,,Yeah…"

,,I have."

Minho squirms, scooting closer to rest his head against Chan’s chest. His shirt has a wet spot where he soaked it. ,,Did you love them? How do you know it's… real? That it’s not just being attracted to that person?"

Chan thinks, falling silent for a moment but never stops stroking Minho’s hair. ,,Nothing is better than when you are together,” he says then. ,,It just feels right. You don’t have to force anything, even when you fight, they still reach out because nothing is more important than having you by their side. When you have sex together, it’s not just about reaching the climax and get it over with quickly, but it’s like your whole soul is coming back together."

Minho hums, deep in his thoughts. ,,I’ve never had sex. Wanted to save it for someone special. Is that weird?”

,,Not at all. As long as you trust that person with your body."

,,I trust you ." Minho looks up to him, eyes a bit itching and head hurting. He feels completely dried out, like a slice of apple put into oven for too long. 

Chan looks taken aback, blinking in confusion before he smiles. ,, Doesn't mean you have to do it with everyone you trust. But thank you."

,,No, I mean it." Minho props himself on one elbow. ,,It should be you. Right now."

,,Min-"

Minho moves quickly to push and straddle him. Chan's hands are on his hips in an instant when Minho slides his fingers up to his shoulders. Just a few inches lower and his ass would be directly on Chan's crotch. It's enough to tempt him into grinding.

He wants to be useful. Wants to feel as confident as he tries to make himself look like. 

,,So?" He notes the way Chan's breath hitches when his hips slide back and forth once. ,,Am I not pretty enough, hyung?"

,,You are pretty."

,,So prove it. Kiss me."

Chan takes his hand. He looks nervous. ,,You don’t know what you are doing, Minho. You are distressed. This isn’t the right way to go about your feelings.”

,,I need you, hyung. I need to forget.” He searches for the sparkle of doubt in Chan’s eyes, begging: ,,Cat you at least hold me?”

He knows Chan would do anything to keep his members happy, to protect them. 

It’s weird, having nothing to focus on, to grasp onto. He’s so used to reaching into the part of his memories connected to Minhyuk in these situations, that nothing he can think of has the same effect as his voice telling him how good and pretty he is. He’s stroking himself slowly, twisting his wrist just the way he knows he likes. How he learned to do. 

It doesn’t help. There is no heat pooling in his stomach. He is still soft and dry to the point it starts being highly uncomfortable, burning.

He whines, frustrated, turning his face into the pillow. ,,Hyung…"

Chan is hugging him from the back, one hand under Minho's shirt stroking his stomach. He's just there, holding him. It's warm between them. 

,,N-Need… help."

,,What is it, baby?"

He can't bring himself to say it out loud. That ever since he started experimenting with his body, it was difficult to come without something in his hole. Be it fingers or a toy. 

Chan lays his hand ovee Minho's. His fingers are thicker, calloused. The way they brush over Minho's knuckles is almost the same like when he did it. 

Just as that thought crosses his mind, a spike of arousal shoots through his guts and he shivers. 

No one has ever touched him like that. Not even his first high school crush. With such utmost care. For the first time since the assault over a year ago, he's not terrified of someone's touch. Not when Chan plants kisses on his neck, bites lightly on his earlobe and whispers sweet nothings into his skin.

Behind him, Chan's lap is almost pressing against his butt, with just a little space between them so that Minho doesn't feel trapped. He flinches backwards when his fingers wrap around his length, accidentally grinding. That's when he feels him getting hard. He makes a noise in the back of his throat that might just be a plea. Chan noses along his neck, stiffling a groan when Minho repeats the motion. 

,,Don't."

,,Want it… inside…"

Chan tenses behind him. He can tell his resolution is slowly breaking with how intimate this whole situation is. Minho should feel like a jerk since he doesn't even know if Chan has someone and he's doing this only out of pity.

Chan starts jerking him in fast thorough strokes that have him harden instantly. He reaches for the hem of his sweatpants, pulling them down under his bare ass. With less layers, it's easy to press back against the bulge. 

,,What are you-” Chan smacks his hand away. Minho whines, pawing behind him.

,,Need-... need more…”

Chan sighs, visibly struggling. ,,Put your leg up. Just like that."

Something presses between his thighs, just under his balls. Minho keens, feeling Chan's stomach against his lower back. It's not exactly what he wants, but when he thrusts just right that the tip catches against his rim as if threatening to slide in rough, split his hole until he's left crying into the pillow, Minho shudders and moans loud. 

Behind him Chan grunts, his breath hot at Minho's nape. 

,,Pull my hair," Minho demands in a small voice, his right hand snaking under his shirt to squeeze his flat chest. Chan obeys and tugs his head back, holding it against his shoulder by force until Minho tells him to pull harder. 

He comes like that. Pinching his nipple, stomach tightening as Chan fucks through the passage of his thighs slick with sweat and precum and jerks him off at the same time. It's liberating. 

,,Min-hyung…" he cries half into the pillow wet with spit, grasping the sheets. His thighs are clasped together as the muscles spasm. He looks down, still sensitive and blissed out, to where he sees the head of his cock poke. It’s heavy, pulsing red. ,,Don’t… Don’t pull out, please,” he begs, reaching behind with a shaky cum stained hand to hold him close by the hips.

He’s slowly drifting into sleep by the time he feels him spill between his legs, mewling in content. He feels so little, so on ease.

When he wakes up, he’s cleaned up, pants on and tucked under two blankets. There is a hot mint tea poured into his thermos, waiting on the table, and a note.

It wasn’t your fault.

Get some rest and see you soon.  

8. Kingdom

The day their participation in Kingdom: Legendary war is announced, everyone is overcome with joy. The first season was a big success and it’s also shortly after Noeasy is released, so it means more chances to perform their new songs. Then the lineup of other groups is released and Minho feels his heart sink through his whole body to the ground.

For the first few weeks of shooting they don’t get to interact with any other participants since it’s strictly prohibited and they mostly perform mixed versions of their songs or songs from other artists. 

Minhyuk looks good when he comes on the set the first day with the rest of his members, wearing an elegant white suit, his hair dark with a shade of deep metalic blue. Everyone is so charmed by him, praising BTOB as the ultimate ballad group. He doesn't spare Minho a single look, which is quiet normal - they are working after all. 

It’s on the sports day when he first interacts with him in front of the cameras. Minhyuk is there cheering for him during vault jumping and runs up to hug him when Minho makes it through one of the higher jumps to his own surprise. It’s the first time he touches him after more than four years, even if it's just a brotherly armshake and backpat, with that bright cheerful smile that used to make him weak in the knees. Minho stands there stunned for solid few seconds, still high on the adrenaline, and it stays on his mind for the rest of the day.

Then Minhyuk is crowned “the kingdom flower”. 

***

,,You… You were so hot back there. How dare you?" he snaps, wrestling his right leg out of the baby pink sweatpants so fast it almost rips. He's not wearing any underwear. So what if he wanted everyone including Minhyuk to stare?

,,Yeah? Did you vote for me?" Minhyuk chuckles, giving him a cocky smile as he digs his fingers into the soft meat of his ass. Minho groans and impatiently swats away his hand that is trying to untie his pants to do it himself. His nails graze the skin in the process but fuck if he cares.

,,Like hell I did."

,,That's-"

,,Shut up ," he snarls, taking out his hardening dick to stroke it few times while he grips his hair with left hand to pull on it roughly. So what the grip might be too tight. He deserves it. ,,You are such a slut. Can't believe you would do it just to rile me up. I am your favourite, fucking remember that."

,,Min-” Minhyuk gasps in pain and tries to push him away but it’s as if he doesn’t fully mean it, as if he wants it like this. Not with the way he gets harder under his fingers, bucking up into his fist with a silent moan. He's blushing. Minho doesn’t want to think about it, about the way he still remembers this and how to make Minhyuk almost beg for it. How drastically different it is from the last time they met.

,,This is what you wanted, no? Wanted someone assertive to bitch you around. Then fucking take it!”

He lines himself up, sinking down in small measured thrusts. It stings. There's no lube around and though he did finger himself in the morning to get his mind off things, it’s been a few hours. 

He grits his teeth, scratching Minhyuk’s abdomen. 

He can’t cry. Not again. He's not the same boy that ran out of his car with shame, because he didn't even know how to suck dick properly.

,,D-Don’t-...” Minhyuk sounds strained as he grips on his tiny waist, running a hand under the back of the hoodie. ,,You’re hurting yourself.”

,,I told you to shut up!” Minho holds him down to the sofa firmly, fucking himself just the way he needs. It’s fast and dry and his thighs start hurting from the strain of the whole day soon, but he doesn’t care. Minhyuk moans under him and his cock jerks inside him. ,,Since when do you even care about hurting me, huh?! Fucking leaving me like this-” 

His voice wavers and then it’s like floodgates open. He stops moving completely, burying his face into Minhyuk’s shirt, fingers clutching that goddamn winner sash as he shakes with muffled sobs. 

It hurts. Everything hurts and he's not able to stop it.

,,You left me, hyung. Left me when I needed you, when he hurt me...”

,,Who hurt you?” Minho gives him a horrified look as if he said something he shouldn’t have. He’s not ready for that conversation now.

Minhyuk hugs him, pulling the boy closer carefully. He strokes the back of his head with shaking fingers,,Shit, I’m sorry, Minho. I should have kept in touch.”

,,It should have been special, our… our first time. But you just had to ruin it.” He clutches the sash, staining it with tears. When he sees the sign, reminding him once again what happened, his stomach flops.

He’s fucking his ex in the dressing room of a show they are shooting and it doesn’t even feel good. He’s gone soft, most likely never even been hard this entire time.”

He pulls his pants up hastily, running out of the room so fast he doesn’t even look back.

The bathrooms are empty and the light switches on when he bursts in. He turns the tap on, splashes some freezing cold water on his face and neck. 

Light over him is buzzing and flickering a little. There is some fly hovering right next to it. The air smells like chlorine and lemons. 

Water drips down his nose as he stands there, leaning on the sink with his arms. 

The phone in his pocket rings. It's a message from Felix. 

where are you?

we have a meeting about tomorrow's schedule

hyung?

He types a quick reply and heads back to their meeting room.

***

Next day Jisung faints during their final performance rehearsal and has a full blown panic attack while they sit there talking to the MCs. All Minho can do is watch him struggle to breathe and trying to keep it together for the same reason he can't reach out to him - because the cameras are rolling and all they are supposed to do is sit there and look pretty for the fans. He gently places hand on Jisung’s shoulder, hoping the message comes across.

When he gets back on the hotel room, he's still not able to shake off the feeling of being helpless. He wanted to do more. Hold him, be there for him until it passes. And Jisung isn't replying to his messages when he asks if he’s okay. Minho knows that if he went to his room, Jisung wouldn't open or he would brush his worries off with some joke, because that's how he is.

Someone knocks on the door. Maybe a maid. When he comes to open it, there is just a brown paper bag sitting at his doorstep. He picks it up.

It's jjajangmyeon. There is also a little sticky note attached that says "for the real kingdom flower". 

,,Not this.” 

Minho sighs, closes the door and sits down on the bed. He knows exactly who sent it. It's just annoying that he has to unblock his phone number first to say what he really thinks about this.

He doesn't even wait for a hello when the call picks up. 

,,Can you like fuck off? If you think this is gonna get you somewhere, then-"

,,I wanted to ask if you are okay. You seemed distressed today."

,,Don't act like you really care."

,,If you hate me so much, why are you still wearing my bracelet?" 

Minho feels as if all the air is punched out of him. 

The bracelet, yes…  He never takes it off, not even during practice. It’s the first gift Minhyuk gave him. He wore it when he got raped by his mate, everytime he hooked up with someone and wished it was him.

,,How is Jisung?"

So he noticed too, huh.

,,I… I don't know," he admits, resigning on his lashout for now. ,,He doesn't want to talk to me, so I asked Chan to check on him. I don’t know how to help.”

,,I saw the way you looked at him. You used to look at me like that."

It's true. Ever since pretty much their debut, he found something in the way how cocky, unhinged, competitive Jisung was sometimes. He was desperate to feel something after Minhyuk left him, to cling onto someone who would give him at least a part of what he craved. There was even a time when they sort of became a thing, but it didn't work out. Jisung was straight, at least when it came to romantic feelings, so he could never give Minho what he kept searching for in people he wanted - what he had with Minhyuk. The security, peace and bone deep want.

,,I never stopped looking at you that way."

There is a silence at the other end of the line and Minho anxiously wonders if he said too much and Minhyuk is just going to laugh at him. When Minhyuk speaks again, his voice sounds so pained he regrets saying that anyway. 

,,Can we fix this?"

Minho doesn’t know what to say to that. He wished to hear these words for years, kept thinking how it would feel to turn him down and show he’s not that naive stupid boy aching to please anymore. He’s reminded of all those nights he stayed up just to hear his voice, how he watched fancams over and over, and tried to learn choreo to his favourite songs in his small single room appartment. The polaroid he pulled from his first ever BTOB album that he still keeps in his wallet.

He gets up and enters the balcony. Cars are driving on the road deep below him. The railing is cold and wet from the rain that passed over Seoul during the day.

,,I don't know, hyung. I need… I need time,” he sighs. It’s been a lot for one day and the final is still in front of them. It all depends on this last performance, whether they can win or not. ,,I can't do this right now. Maybe we should talk about this after the shooting is over.”

,,Promise you won’t hold back?”

,,I will give it my all. Since it’s sunbaenims we are up against.”

Minhyuk laughs and it sounds so endearing. So genuine. ,,Good night, kitten.”

***

The party is loud, overflowing with sounds and people that made the show happen.

Shooting has been finally wrapped and so it was time to rest and celebrate with other groups before they would each come back to their own individual schedules. 

They are sitting at one of the secluded tables. Minho is peacefully tipsy and sleepy. So oblivious to whatever is happening around besides the steady presence next to him that he can't keep his hands to himself. 

,,I'm glad you believed me with that lost ticket back then," he murmurs, letting his head fall on Minhyuk's shoulder. ,,I was so mad at myself for losing it." 

Minhyuk hums, stroking his right thigh under the table. ,,You didn't exactly seem like the type to jump me backstage if I let you in. Yet here we are, years later-"

Minho groans, turning his head away from the party so he can hide his flustered face in Minhyuk's shirt. There's some expensive brand logo embroidery tickling his cheek and it smells just the same as when he sat in his lap in the car, trading wanton kisses. ,,Shut up. It was your fault."

,,Sure."

,,Shouldn't have been so hot. And then you purposely didn't make the last jump so Chan wouldn't feel bad about losing. You cheeky bitch." Minho elbows him, but he doesn't really mean it, he's just in a really good mood. ,,Can't believe I waited all those years to give you my virginity only to fuck you in a dressing room while everyone else was in the room next to us. Not the kinda romantic I pictured."

,,It was pretty hot though." Minhyuk moves his hand from Minho's waist to cup his cheek and Minho feels like he's about to melt on the spot just like right after the finale when they hugged and he felt so validated. He lets himself lose in the sensation. 

The shooting is over. In two days everyone is going to pack their stuff and return back to their own things. Who knows when will they get to see each other again. 

Minho sighs heavily, fighting the anxiety pooling in his gut. He's not drunk enough to drown it, he decides, looking at the half empty bottle of champagne on their table. But reaching for it would mean having to give up this. So instead he just curls up at Minhyuk's side with his knees pulled up to make himself smaller.

There's a soft pressure on his jaw to make him look up and he willingly goes with it.

,,I missed you so much, jagi."

Minho feels his cheeks heat up even more at the words, looking up from his spot. He's always adored his eyes, so gentle and bright. The easiness he felt whenever they just talked.

At least one thing hasn't changed over the years - he was still the boy whose knees got all wobbly with just one praise from his hyung. 

,,You can't just say things like that."

Minhyuk puts a strand of hair behind his ear, running a pad over the shell until it stops to play with the earring. He's looking at him in such a warm loving way they might as well be making out for everyone to see. 

,,Why? Getting shy?" he asks, thoroughly amused by the picture Minho makes with his ears on fire. ,,What if I told you I really want to kiss you right now?"

He leans closer, eyes flicking aside for a moment to see if anyone is watching them, but soft pressure of the palm as it slides lower to hold his chin quickly returns his gaze. 

It's not like anyone is paying attention to them. Everybody is so focused on their own little bubble of friends and companions, celebrating wrapping up the long awaited project with mates from other groups, that this doesn't feel weird at all. Chan is in the corner holding a steady possessive hand around Felix's waist, Jisung left earlier, drunk to the point that Yunho had to drive him, Bin sings some pirate song way out of tune and hung up all over Wooyoung while calling him Lovey, and Seungmin with Jeongin are probably already back at the dorms too. 

So he lets himself be pulled in, exhaling softly at the first touch of their lips. It's nothing like in that dressing room, far from rushed and angry. He's melting away, pliant, returning for more the moment his brain gets enough oxygen to partially function when they pull apart, licking along the seam of his lips with the tip of tongue to taste the last remnants of champagne and strawberry pannacotta. He clutches at the bottom of Minhyuk's shirt, feeling the steady rhythm of his breath as they keep trading kisses, whimpering when he shifts in his seat ever so slightly to press closer. 

,,What's wrong?"

,,I don't want you to leave," Minho sobs, hiding his face in the crook of Minhyuk's neck. ,,I know it's stupid. Just… What if you forget me when all this is over? What if this is just for the night and-...."

,,There's no way I could ever forget you," Minhyuk sighs, placing a kiss into his hair while caressing the temple.

Minho whines, shaking his head in stubborn conviction that this is all a bunch of lies. He feels tears staining Minhyuk's shirt and ugly snot running from his nose. He attempts to wipe it to save the rest of his dignity in front of the whole cast and basically the whole industry but more just keeps coming and he's left shaking in his arms. 

He hates this, hates feeling so vulnerable when he rarely allows himself to do that. Yet he can't keep the facade up in front of him.

,,Fuck, this is so dumb. I never-... Sorry you have to see me like this."

,,It's alright," Minhyuk shushes him, pulling out a tissue from his jacket to help. Almost like a caring mother hen. When it's done, he just smiles brightly. ,,There you go, pretty."

,,You-" Minho takes a shuddering breath as his voice breaks anew. ,,I won’t let you leave. I can't-... I can't do this without you, hyung. We can get married, buy new identities, move countries…"

He can't breathe, the world around him is blurry, flashing before his eyes. Minhyuk holds him through it, saying nothing until it fades into shaky sobs. 

Then he asks: ,,Do you want to leave to somewhere quiet?"

,,Y-Yeah…" he sits up, sighing tiredly. It feels strange, like someone carved him open and cracked his ribcage open. ,,I'll just… go get my shit together."

,,Okay."

Minho hesitantly leaves to the bathroom, not even looking up from the ground in case someone wants to ask questions he's not ready to answer. He passes Chan, feeling his intense worried stare.

As soon as Minho disappears behind the door, Chan gets up and walks up to Minhyuk.

,,Why was he crying?"

His tone is calm when speaking to his senior, but protective. 

Minhyuk sips on his drink, then runs a finger along the edge of the glass. ,,We have a history together."

,,I know."

,,How much do you know?"

,,Enough to be ready to snap your neck if you are planning to do the same shit like four years ago."

Minhyuk goes speechless at that, turning his gaze away in guilt. ,,What do you want me to say?” he asks after a moment.

Chan wants to just grab him. ,,You have no idea what you've caused back then."

,,I know I fucked up, okay?” Minhyuk rezignes, finally meeting the leader’s eyes. ,,I’m trying to fix it.” 

,,You would have nothing to fix if-”

,,Hey there, puppy, chill out.” Felix appears right behind Chan and hangs around his back. He’s holding a margarita in one hand. ,,Don’t bite our sunbaenim. Minnie knows what he’s doing.”

Chan's expression softens and his shoulders drop in defeat. He knows it’s not his battle to fight. Minho has grown up into a handsome and smart young man, who is free to decide his own fate. If he wants to do this and gets his heart broken again, he’ll be there for him. 

,,He loves you so much, you know? Think he always had.” He puts a hand on Felix’s. ,,There's an envelope on his bed. Read it first, but make sure he doesn't see."

***

The ride to the dorm is peaceful. Lights hit the inside of the taxi every so often as they pass by the street lamps, stores and clubs. The airconditioning keeps the interior warm and the engine is quietly vibrating through the whole car. 

Minho can't keep his hands to himself, drunk on the way Minhyuk smells, how the arm holding his waist feels, the softness of his skin when Minho's kissing up his neck, settling on a spot under his jaw to put a hickey there. The fabric of his pants is way too uncomfortable but rough enough to provide some friction when he feels himself harden against it without even a touch. No matter how he shifts his hips, it’s stimulating, yet not enough. He's running his fingers over the button of the elder's jeans, eagerly going lower to play with the zipper. 

,,Can't wait to have you stuff my mouth full," he purrs, throbbing just at the vivid thought of it and what he could have by the end of the night.

No one has ever had this effect on him.

Minhyuk cradles the back of his head closer so that they are breathing the same air, pulling on the hair a little, enough to make Minho choke on a moan from the sting. ,,Careful what you wish for, kitten," he says in a low tone. 

It almost gets lost in the sound the car engine makes, his face lit up in neon purple as they are currently standing at the traffic lights, silent ticking coming from the front of the car as it waits. 

Minho decides to push the limits, unrestrained by his usual shyness, yet his cheeky side remains. He chirps: ,,Yeah? What about it? Gonna bend me over those goddamn hot thighs of yours and then come down my throat? Or maybe all over my face and make me lick it up?"

,,Fucking hell, Min," he curses, eyes flicking to the driver in panic. It's almost adorable how flustered he seems suddenly. It's not often Minho ever got to see him like that, not even when it was just the two of them. ,,Didn't know you had this in you."

,,Wanna know what else I can have in me? It starts with "your" and ends with d-"

That's when Minhyuk covers his mouth with his palm, which only makes Minho giggle and he slowly licks it while maintaining eye contact. To his utter disappointment, Minhyuk doesn't let him up, only shifts so it also covers his nostrils and restrains ability to breathe completely. 

,,Blink twice when you decide to stop being a brat," he whispers into Minho's ear and something in that tone and the way he's starting to be dizzy from the lack of air makes Minho let out a muffled moan. He blinks twice, more out of the fear how rapidly this kind of treatmen makes him leak in his pants.

It seems to be enough though. Once he can breathe freely again, his head falls to rest in Minhyuk's shoulder, pulse evening slowly.

,,I'll be good now. Promise."

,,That's what I like to hear."

Minho slumps next to him, huffing something about being mean under his breath, but he manages to stay still for the rest of the ride. There’s nowhere he would rather be than tucked into Minhyuk’s hoodie, eyes falling shut in exhaustion as the car AC puts him to sleep. Arousal is still buzzing in his veins, but he’s determined to be good for hyung and not do something about it on the spot. So instead, he settles on curling up at his side, running a hand over the inside of his thigh repeatedly. It's soft and thick, not as his own, but meaty enough to make him want to bite it. 

When the car stops, Minhyuk pays the driver and they get out, while Minho chirps about always wanting such a hot sugar daddy.

,,I reaaaaally love you.” Minho whines, maybe a bit too loud for the time of the night, hung up on Minhyuk from the back like a baby asking for piggyback ride. He places a kiss to the back of his neck, smiling cheerfully to himself. ,,And now we’re gonna have sex. Yesssss.” He yells happily at the passing lady that he can see over Minhyuk’s shoulder walking her dog, while the other is trying to gently manhandle him away towards the sidewalk ,,You heard that? I’m gonna suck my man dead tonight! That’s right! And then ride him so good he never even thinks of fucking a girl ever again!”

He starts giggling as Minhyuk signals some form of apology to the woman while pulling Minho towards the building by the hand. Minho only laughs more, tripping some while trying to slip out of his hold until Minhyuk just throws him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and carries him the rest of the way. Minho takes the opportunity to slap his ass a few times for good measure, whistling at how good that made him feel.

They get inside and only in the hallway does Minhyuk put him down to unlock the door. 

,,Wait, this isn’t your-..." Minho frowns in confusion, looking around. ,,Who told you where I live? And… hey, that’s my keycard! You stole it!” Minho wonders, trying to think of an explanation for his questions, but his brain’t isn’t able to neither hold the thought for long enough to come up with something nor snatch the card back.

,,Chan told me the address. And yes, I did take your card. Figured you wouldn’t be much of help.” 

,,Mean,” Minho pouts. 

,,Just don’t be too loud, okay, big boy?” Minhyuk pulls him inside, the door clicking behind them. He takes off his shoes and jacket, then does the same for Minho, though it takes a bit of a struggle since the younger keeps giggling at how it tickles and how excited he is to get laid by such a gentleman.

,,You know, hyung, I was thinking…” He leans against the coat hanger, almost knocking it down, which makes him giggle some more. ,,If we got married, we would have the same surname no matter if I took yours or you took mine. Isn’t that like… crazy?”

,,Yeah, it is.”

,,I wanna play. Your turn to catch me.”

Minhyuk doesn't say anything to that, sighing when Minho almost manages to lock himself in his room, which he stops in the last moment. He's tired and their manager is probably long asleep by now to pick him up. He did promise Chan to take care of the dancer and get him home safe, but he doesn't feel in confident in having enough patience for this. 

,,You promised me something, kitten," he says quietly, holding the door open but doesn't push it so he doesn't hit the other by accident. Minho rolls his eyes to that and pouts. His cheeks are red, flush creeping down his neck under the hoodie.

,,Make me."

He knows why Minho is doing that. It's his drunk way of asking for attention. He wouldn't do that if it wasn't for the years they lost by being apart. Minhyuk can't help but feel a sting of guilt at that realization - Minho loved him, adored him. But he just left, thinking it's for the better and that the boy would get over it soon, afraid to push the boundary between them to anything beyong physical attraction. 

He wasn't perfect, no matter the image he wanted to keep before cameras. 

,,I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me," he says and the way Minho's expression goes from smug to shock to tearing up really quick makes it even worse. He feels the telltale pressure building up in his throat, making his voice waver. ,,I promised we would celebrate your debut together when the time comes, tell you how proud I was that you made it. Then I saw you on that survival show…" He trails off, looking away from the boy. 

The door creeks and he feels the boy wrap arms around his neck with a quiet low noise coming from his chest. It sounds like something between a sigh and sob. He’s warm, his cheek presses to the side of Minhyuk’s neck, rubbing against it softly like a cat displaying affection. 

,,I think I’m drunk, hyung.”

,,A little bit, yeah,” he chuckles, placing a kiss to the crown of his head. When Minho looks up, he strokes his cheek, blinking slowly. 

When Minho surges into a kiss, muffling a moan between them as his body presses against the older with so much urgency it feels like he just wants to melt their entire existence into one, it taste like remnants of champagne and fruit punch. 

They are kissing in the middle of an empty dark hallway, a languid pace that sets the fire blazing. Minho is soon licking into his mouth, making a needy sound when their tongues meet and he goes completely pliant in Minhyuk’s arms. He’s still hard, grinding against his hip slowly, whimpering when Minhyuk grips his hair to tug on it. 

When Minhyuk pulls away, he takes in the picture the boy makes. 

,,You’re so-...” He cuts off, distracted when Minho licks up his neck, biting down so hard it stings and he grips the boy’s waist firmer. ,,Fuck, Min…"

,,Hmm?”

,,We shouldn't do this."

,,Why not?" His hand travels south, palming him over the tight jeans and he moans at what he feels against his fingers. ,,I want you. Wanna give you what I couldn’t back then."

He can feel himself pulse at the memory those words brought back. But no matter how much blood keeps rushing low when Minho keeps grinding his palm, he can't bring himself to do this. Not with someone drunk and less someone he cares about. 

,,Just…" He pushes his hand away, holding it by the wrist up. ,,No."

,,But why?" Minho goes from smug to hurt. ,,Is it because you don't want me now that I'm not some skinny twink? Or because it's not fun to fuck someone old like me?"

,,I'm not gonna do anything you would hate me for once you sober up."

,,That's bullshit. I know what I want."

,,Minho…" His tone gets maybe way too sharp, but he's tired and this is definitely not the conversation he wants to have right now - not with drunk Minho even more stubborn than sober Minho, in the middle of the dorm when they could wake anyone up and not after weeks of shooting that completely drained both of them physically and mentally. 

He sighs, kissing the boy one last time softly. ,,You said it yourself that you are drunk. And it's late. We can talk about this in the morning, okay?"

Minho slumps against him, resting his forehead against Minhyuk's chest. ,,Do you still want me?"

,,I wouldn't do this if I didn't."

Minho hums, seemingly in approval. ,,I'll be right back," he says and heads for the bathroom.

Minhyuk enters the room. His eyes lie upon the envelope Chan mentioned. When he opens it, there are 2 sheets of paper folded in half - a pink and light blue one. The pink is titled "sweet" while the blue's headline states "spice". He opens up the sugar first.

Dear stranger one of my kids has chosen to take home,

If you are reading this, it means Minho wants to submit to you. Here is a list of things he likes and things you absolutely shouldn't do unless you want to bear the consequences.

+

• praise a lot (this comes for both top and bottom role) - he needs to be reassured he is doing well

• share how you feel

• tummy scritches and strokes

• sensitive areas include: tummy, thighs, behind ears, neck

• hair pulling and stroking

• fingers - likes to suck and lick on them for grounding (especially during penetration)

• choking - only hold by the neck to assert your claim

• chest and nipple play - fondling, groping (can come just from nipple stimulation if done right)

• marking (especially neck and thighs)

• spanking (ass, thighs)

• soft bondage/rigging 

• leaks during overstimulation (have a towel ready)

• fav positions: riding, from the back when casual, missionary when aiming for serious relationship (do discuss prior with him)

• fav nicknames: baby, kitten, sweetheart
• coming on: tummy, chest

-

• degradation and humiliation

• pain play (except for spanking)

• gagging (even with fingers)

• blood and other body fluids play 

• choking to the point of passing out

• CNC (unless discussed prior)
• edging 

other notes: 

• gets shy and tries to hide when stimulated - do not shame for being vocal or crying (absolutely do make sure he isn't crying from pain)

• thorough preparation, aftercare and cuddles necessary (see below) 

• don’t take off his shirt unless he allows it first

Aftercare:

• If he lets you come inside, don’t pull out immediately after the deed is over

• Snuggle, hold and praise how well he has done

• Do share how you felt and ask

• Cleaning up - don’t get up right after (he gets lonely)

Please take care of him well.

The other letter, aimed for top role, is more or less the same with some exceptions. Minhyuk reads through it carefully and then hides it under the pillow when he hears the bathroom door open. 

He wonders if every member has the same personal list based on their preferences and how come Chan knows all of this. He's not even that close to Eumkwang, though they do talk about their flings a lot. 

Minho stands in the door, leaning against the doorframe. Then he almost tiptoes towards Minhyuk and slides into his lap, resting his head on his shoulder. He's still hard and Minhyuk's breath hitches when he feels him grind over the planes of his stomach with a soft sigh. 

,,Want you to fuck me, hyung. God, I want that so bad. Have you in me when I cum…" 

Oh. So he was right to pick the pink letter.

,,We can't, Minho. Not with you in this state." He presses a kiss to the boy's temple and moves to place him on the bed. Minho goes willingly but keeps his arms locked around Minhyuk's shoulders, fingers digging into his shoulderblades. 

,,But-"

,,This would be our first time. I want you to remember it. I want you to be fully present when I make love to you, kitten."

Minho makes a sound of discontent but lets go. It does make sense when he looks at it from that point of view. He doesn't even feel fully in control of what he's doing, of his own thoughts. 

,,Will you stay here?" he begs.

,,Promise.” 

He covers the boy with a blanket, but Minho makes a pouty face so he scoots to lie next to him. 

,,I love you, hyung,” he mumbles, pressing close to Minhyuk as his eyes close. It feels right.

,,Want me to tell you a bed time story?”

,,Hmm…”

,,Okay then.” He strokes Minho’s hair, feeling his breath even out. ,,There was once a boy, who lived in a small town. He had no friends, but he did have one thing - big dream to become a dancer and spread his art upon other hopeful kids.”

,,Was that boy pretty?”

,,Yes, he was very pretty. Then one day, a prince came to his town, from a kingdom far far away. He got lost on his way to the castle, where a grand ball was due to happen that night, so he went up to the boy sitting on the side of the road to ask for the right way. When their eyes met, he instantly fell in love with the boy and he asked for his name.”

 He looks down to see Minho already dozing off, deep in his slumber. There is a thin layer of drool running from the corner of his mouth, which he gently wipes off. ,,You didn’t need your prince to reach your dreams, did you?”

***

Minho wakes up to warm morning sunlight beaming through the blinds. His mouth is dry and head pounding. It’s warm under the blanket he’s got pulled almost all the way up to his chin. There’s a body pressed to his back, warm breath ghosting over his nape in slow steady exhales. He can feel a pair of bare legs on the back of his thighs, one pushed slightly in between. 

He stirs with a groan, turning around.

,,Fuck, how-” he swears when he sees Minhyuk, still sleeping. Everything slowly comes back to him - the party, the taxi ride… 

They are both mostly dressed and his clothes doesn’t smell like shame and alcohol, which means he must have changed after coming home. Minhyuk is wearing a looser white t-shirt, naked from the waist down safe for his underwear. His thighs look soft and tanned in the warm morning glow and Minho just wants to bite them.

Judging from that and the lack of familiar pain in his lower regions, the night didn’t go as he had planned. His eyes itch and he’s overcome with a sense of painful affection when he sees the glass of water on his night table along with 2 small white pills and a piece of paper with a doodle of tired emoji turning bright sunshine. It could be from Chan, but the handwriting is definitely Minhyuk. 

So he stayed the whole night, huh. Just like all those years ago.

He sits up, reaching for the water to get rid of the dryness in his throat. It taste a bit lemony, probably to prevent stomach sickness. Then he tucks himself back under the blanket and lets out a sigh of relief. 

There’s no need to rush. It’s early and the other members are most likely still sleeping the hangover out.

Minhyuk pulls him closer so that Minho can hide himself under his chin, gently running his fingers over the strip of exposed skin of his hip. ,,How do you feel?” he asks without opening his eyes, voice still sleepily husky.

,,Like shit.”

Minhyuk chuckles at the honesty, kissing what’s seen of his forehead. ,,You did get pretty floored yesterday, not gonna lie.”

Minho groans, hiding his face in shame. His ears are turning red. He doesn’t remember a lot but what he does is pretty much enough to paint the whole picture. And it’s not a good picture.

,,Fucking hell...”

,,Don’t worry. It wasn’t that bad. Except for that yelling how hard you were going to ride me and other things. Pretty sure the entire Seoul heard that and not only the poor lady walking her dog.”

Minho softly punches his chest, which only earns him more laugh as he’s tackled under the older man. He’s still smiling, eyes shining with joy, when he kisses Minho and he relaxes into it.

They stay like that for a while, only separate to catch some breath. When Minhyuk slides hips lips lower, letting the blanket fall from his shoulders, he kisses under Minho’s jawline to nip on the spot where his pulse quickens. Minho notices the blooming hickey on his neck. He can’t help but brush his fingertips over it. 

,,Is that…?”

A blurry memory flashes before his eyes - his back pressed against the wall, cold hand holding his waist as he sinks down on the thigh pushed between his legs with a needy cry. 

,,Yeah, but we didn’t do anything.” Minhyuk hums, sits up and stretches like a cat, then beams at him. ,,You fell asleep like five minutes after I put you to bed. Had to tell you a bedtime story, but it worked.” 

,,Really? Which one?”

,,Oh, you know. A story of a boy that captured this old man’s heart with his innocence and determination. How he grew up to be a young talented man, working hard for his dreams. How proud he made this old man feel. All that jazz.”

Minho feels his entire face heating up and wants to turn away when Minhyuk strokes his cheek and makes him stay.

,,I really am proud of you, kitten. You’ve grown so much. You deserve this, all this love you are receiving from everyone around the world when they see what I did all those years ago and still do.”

Minho has never seen him like this - bare faced, hair fuzzy, dressed as casually as it can get. He’s the only one who gets to see Minhyuk like this. No one else has the right to. No one else is so lucky.

The house is quiet, which is rather unusual for their little family. He doesn’t remember feeling this peaceful in a long time, maybe in months, since they’ve been so busy with the album promotions and then filming Kingdom. 

It’s so easy to lean into it, into that morning glow. His chest is all cotton candy and filled with something that brings tears into his eyes, something he hasn’t felt since that night he ran out of Minhyuk’s car. He wants to say something. Anything. But all that comes out is merely a whimper.

,,Hyung…”

He reminds himself he’s allowed to have this, to enjoy it. At least for now.

,,Hmm?”

,,Thanks for taking care of me. Last night and… always.”

He forces himself to look up again when their thighs brush. Minhyuk is sitting between his legs. Minho can feel the warmth and softness of his skin through the sensitive underside of his thighs. His Armani boxers frame his legs so nicely, tight enough to highlight the muscles. Golden morning sunlight paints two thin lines on his skin - one across the right leg, one over his clavicle peeking from under the loose white shirt. Minho catches himself staring at the picture he makes, feeling just like his seventeen years old self again.

,,I had to. You were practically latched onto me last night during the whole afterparty,” Minhyuk jokes to clear the air but then his expression turns serious. ,,I couldn’t forgive myself since that night I let you run away. I thought that maybe… if I had gone after you, I would have been there for you until now, watching you grow as an artist.”

,,That night I… I felt so terrible, hyung. Like I wasn't enough. That you wouldn't want me because I had no experience."

,,That's not true. I thought there was something wrong you weren't telling me and I didn't want you to hurt yourself." 

There was definitely something wrong back then. He wanted to prove himself, make the step forward because he was afraid of losing Minhyuk. 

He tries to blink through the sting in his eyes, hand curling into a fist on the other man's chest. 

,,Do you still want me, hyung?" he asks in the smallest voice. ,,For me, this was never just about the sex. I thought I was just young and way too eager but now… I don't want this to end after you leave this room. So… do you still want me?"

Minhyuk cherishes this honesty and the courage it had to take to say this out loud. 

,,I want to be serious," he says then. ,,As serious as we can be with this kind of work. Even if it's not easy. I want to do this with you."

It’s a lot to process - the fact that Minhyuk wants this. Wants him the same way Minho wasn’t ready for back then, maybe neither of them were. But now he’s sure. He craves these slow morning makeouts, late night heart talks and being able to share his true feelings with someone without getting hurt. Now they are both ready for it.

,,I-...” He gathers all the courage left in him, with heart fluttering in nerves. ,,I want that too. I want that so bad, hyung. God…” He starts laughing and Minhyuk silences him with a feather light kiss. Followed by another and another until Minho pulls him down. Their kissing turns heated and he’s left gasping for breath when he has the chance to get his fill of air again.

Minhyuk is smiling down at him, there's a light sheen of red in his cheeks. He's still so beautiful, so… raw. 

,,Enjoying the view?”

Minho gulps, pushing away the sudden urge to strip him completely. Maybe it’s the remnants of alcohol coursing through his bloodstream that doesn’t let him think too much before closing the space between them again. Every last bit of sleepiness is slowly peeled away from him when their bodies align ever so that he can feel his buldge over his own and he grinds into it without thinking, already feeling himself fill up.

It’s different than three years ago. He’s not so sloppy with the way he kisses Minhyuk, but still eager and full of want. He’s not afraid anymore.

,,You’re so cute like this. Wonder how far that blush goes.”

,,H-Hyung…” He squirms when Minhyuk kisses his chest, breath fanning over the left nipple as he licks over it. It’s warm and wet and his stomach twitches when he sucks it in with light graze of his teeth. Minho has to stifle a moan, slapping a hand over his mouth when he feels the tongue circle his sensitive skin, his chest arching to seek the touch. It hurts, but it’s the good kind of hurt that makes his hips twitch to stay put.  

Minhyuk lets it go with a quiet pop, admiring his work as he runs his fingers over the other perked bud and Minho fully cries out. ,,Still sensitive, huh,” he hums.

,,Shut up.” Minho grabs his hair and pulls him off his freshly abused chest into a kiss.

It’s been a while since he fucked someone. Their schedule was packed full and although dating wasn’t allowed, he didn’t really have time for hook ups either and when he did, it was just to take the edge off. However, none of them could compare to Minhyuk and how he felt when they’ve barely even started. How easy it was to let go.

Minhyuk is sitting with legs crossed in between his thighs, rocking slightly into him. It's slow enough to keep the edge off. He proceeds to undress Minho with his permission - first pulling his shirt off completely, then stops at the underwear.

Minhyuk thinks he's so gorgeous like this, splayed out in front of him. Long lean legs with muscular thighs that jiggle when he slaps them, watching how Minho flinches and a few more clear drops drizzle down his length. He has to resist the urge to do it again.

,,You…” His fingers trace the valley between his abdomen muscles. ,,How are you even real?”

Minho blushes, reaching to cover his scar on instinct. ,,Am I pretty, hyung?”

,,So pretty, you have no idea.” Then he reaches for his own shirt, tossing it away. 

,,God, your body…" Minho groans, running his palms across his bare torso. He really did work hard to get this. ,,That night I saw you perform Back Door… I went into my room and came so hard… It was so much, hyung. All over my… my fingers."

,,Really? Fuck, that's hot." He rewards Minho with a twist of his wrist, swirling his tongue around the head and Minho mewls. He's so wet, way more than any boy he's ever been with. Almost as if it was their first time. 

,,Don't-..." He takes a deep breath and squeezes his chest without a thought to ground himself. ,,I'm gonna come like this if you…"

There's something on the way Minho is so sensitive. He wonders if it's always the case or because it's him. 

,,He really loves you, you know?"

,,I'm gonna get you ready now, baby, okay?" Minhyuk rubs soothing circles into inner side of his right thigh. ,,Tell me if something feels off."

Oh my god. Minhyuk is about to put his gorgeous long fingers into him. Touch him… inside. Just the thought makes his pulse run ten times faster.

Minho nods, not trusting his small voice to form any actual sylables. He watches lube drizzle all over his fingers, thinking back on those countless times when he looked at Minhyuk’s hands and wondered how much easier he would reach for that spot inside than he did usually. 

He’s still stretched enough from the night before so the first finger slips in easily, sliding in and out in shallow thrusts at first. It's cold but the lubricant warms up from his body temperature quickly. 

He squirms in his hold, thighs twitching with effort to be good and stay put. He's usually more impatient when it's just him. It’s wet where it slides in and out of him slowly, brushing over his inside even though it hasn't reached his prostate yet, and he moans with it, fingers finding a purchase on Minhyuk’s shoulder.

,,Hyung…” he whimpers, open mouth pressed against his chest.

,,Hurts?”

Minho shakes his head, spreading his legs wider with a sigh. His head is swimming with need and want. All he can think about is how good it feels to grind against his stomach, how he could fall asleep like this and let hyung use him. 

Minhyuk takes his time opening him up, curling his finger to stroke over the sensitive inner wall. He's precise, gentle, kisses his thighs and tummy.

,,You are doing so good, kitten. So relaxed for me."

Minho hides his face in the crook of his elbow, small noises escaping his mouth every once in a while that he can’t help. ,,I-... I fingered myself before," he admits, refusing to look at the man. ,,Before the party. I thought… I thought hyung would take me, make me his, so I wanted to be ready. Wanted to be good for you."

Oh…

,,You are good for me, Min. So good. I'm so proud of you, look at you…"

Minho paws at the line of his underwear, stroking a finger lower. He can feel how hard he is, hips jerking when he rubs over the tented fabric. ,,Off. Want this off," he whines, hastily pulling his boxers down with glowing hungry eyes. His mouth waters at the sight, how nice and long he feels when he strokes him.

It’s the first time he gets to properly hold hyung’s cock, feel it twitch.

There is almost no resistence and his hips buck up with a jolt when second finger breaches him and brushes over the spot that makes him shake. He keeps making small punched out moans, cheeks red with embarassment.

,,Feels good. So good, hyung… Y-Your fingers…” 

He could come like this, had before, when he learnt how to do that properly. But not this time.

,,Yeah? Gonna come on hyung’s fingers, kitten?” Minhyuk teases, pulling his leg further up to adjust the angle. He can feel the boy clench down on his fingers and sees him twitch. He's leaking against his stomach and he leans down to lap at drops of precum dripping from the slit before talking about a half in his mouth. 

,,Fuck, fuck… oh my god , that's-..." Minho all but cries, fucking up into the tight heat enveloping him. His fingers find a purchase in his hair and pull. 

He's about to say sorry, but Minhyuk moans, his hips shift against the mattress , taking him deeper and the vibrations go straight to his cock. 

He realizes he doesn't even know what Minhyuk likes. They never really had that talk so there was a high chance they might not be compatible at all.

,,Hyung…”

,,You can be rough with me," he says, mouthing along his length to lap up some stray drops. ,,Don't hold back."

Minho feels a stab of arousal in his gut, but he decides to play with the thought later.

,,I don't… don't want to hurt you-" his voice breaks since the fingers dragging in and out of him never stop moving, only pick up the pace. He's moaning through the bite he has on his wrist, not wanting everyone else on the dorm that might be awake to hear. ,,H-Hyung… gonna-" 

The hand scrambling on the sheets is found by another one, their fingers intertwining. Minho is so lost in the pleasure he grips his hair firmly, thrusting into the wetness that tightens around him in swallow repeatedly with abandon. ,,Right there, right-... fuck, I’m gonna come…”

It hits him hard like a freezing cold tide, he's gasping through it, almost blacking out. It feels so liberating to be able to just let go, to know it’s hyung . 

Minhyuk pulls off only when he's completely spent of every last drop, licking his lips with a satisfied smile. He strokes the boy's thigh with fingers wet with lube to calm the tense spasming muscles. There is still some wetness on his stomach so he licks it up, kissing over the fading scar there. 

,,There you go, little one," he says, utterly fascinated by the image in front of him. He can't resist touching the boy's cheek, still hot. ,,How do you feel?"

Minho stirs. ,,Empty." He spreads his legs, feeling some of the lube obscenely drip out. ,,Can you…" His eyes slide down the man sitting between his legs, lingering on his visible arousal. ,,Can you put it in now? You don't have to move, just… Wanna feel you."

,,You are still sensitive, Min."

,,Please. Want it…"

Minhyuk reminds himself that this is not the boy from four years ago, who had yet to find himself in many ways. That it’s not his place to decide what he wants just because he still feels the need to protect Minho.

,,Alright. How do you want it?”

,,Wanna see you, hyung. Like this.” He pushes his legs further apart, hips shifting lower on the mattress. When Minhyuk reaches for the pack of condoms from the drawer, he stops him ever so shy: ,,Don’t need those.”

Minhyuk gives him a doubtful look. It’s not that he doesn’t trust him about being clean. ,,It’s gonna be uncomfortable later.”

Minho knows he mostly sleeps with girls, at least he did years ago, which means using protection is a must. But those girls were nothing like him, nothing like this. He wants to show him that there is no need to hold back. Wants to feel special.

,,I’m sure.” 

Minhyuk still doesn’t look convinced, but there is no way he could ever resist the whiny demanding boy and his puppy eyes. So he strips off the last clothing item and lines himself up. It’s wet and gaping where he barely just touches and Minho hisses.

,,Ready?”

Minho doesn’t trust his voice to form a coherent verbal response, so he instead just nods. He then feels the blunt thick head of his cock pressing at the spot he's so dripping lube from. Just the small touch makes his head spin and he gasps when Minhyuk starts pressing in. 

It's a slow drag, inch by inch, fucking in and out in small careful thrusts. He's split open, feeling every throb, every pulse inside. 

,,Give it to me," he whines, spreading his legs further. It doesn't hurt at all, he's giddy with the fullness settling inside him. 

,,Fuck, Min…" 

One smooth thrust is all it takes to bottom out. His gasp turns into a moan. Minhyuk grunts above him. He's fisting the pillow under his head, wound up tight, shaking, hard again just from the feeling of being full. He’s clenching down on his throbbing length as Minhyuk holds his thighs apart. His hands look so good like that, so strong they could hold his entire body weight up if needed. 

Minhyuk is a picture above him. Tense, breathing heavier, eyes dark in the dimness of the room. 

,,Relax for me, kitten," he strokes his hip gently, voice strained. He's most likely not doing much better. ,,Does it hurt?"

,,I'm so-..." He paws on his tummy, desperate to see if he can feel him from the outside. It feels like he could come just from this if they stayed long enough, without even reaching the prostate. ,,Hyung, I'm so full… y-your… it's so good…"

,,Yeah?" He tries to move a little, just for the tease of it, to see Minho squirm. 

They stay like that until Minho eventually relaxes into it. Not fully, but he’s too impatient to push it away any longer. So he tells him to move.

Minhyuk is gentle with him, moving in and out in slow strokes that have Minho wrap his legs around him. Way more patient than some of his hookups were. They kiss throughout it, pressed close, gasping into each other’s mouth.

,,Look at you, baby. Doing so well. So cute.”

Minho grabs his own chest, tweaks his sensitive nipples with a high whimper. ,,Fuck me. God, just fuck me already, hyung…”

Minhyuk snaps his hips forward harder with a curse. It might be too soon, but he’s so cute under him, begging for it. He builds a steady rhythm, one that has Minho keening at each thrust.  

Eventually all the gentleness is replaced by a heady need to chase the pleasure. Minyhuk holds him down by the neck, kisses turning sloppy.

It’s too much. Too soon. The pressure in his stomach keeps building up and he’s shaking violently, mewling: ,,H–Hyung, slow down… S-something’s coming out…”

,,Just a little more, kitten…” he pants, pulling him flush by the hips with every quickening thrust. He’s sweating with the exertion, moaning as his balls tighten. ,,I love you so much, hang in there…  I’m sorry, just a little-... Hyung’s gonna fill you up, baby…”

,,N-No, it’s-...” 

He’s torn between wanting more and wanting this to stop, moaning desperately everytime the spot inside him is nailed. He could come from this, but the feeling is way too familiar to be just a climax. He’s so scared, so embarrassed to let go. His fingers dig into Minhyu’s back, scratching in all the way to his ribs, but to no avail. It’s bound to happen and there is nothing he can do about it, no matter how he begs to stop. Minhyuk just tells him it’s okay, that he’s got him. Maybe he’s too blinded by the pleasure, maybe he just wants to see him suffer like this.

Minho keeps hiding, his face red with the flush spilling down his chest and his tits bounce a little with each move. He’s falling apart, making these tiny needy sounds it’s almost like he’s crying. ,,C-Cant’-...” he sobs and something dribbles from the tip of his cock. He reaches for his cock with shaky fingers, trying to cover up, but Minhyuk pins his wrist to the pillow.

,,Let me see you come, baby.”

He can’t hold back any longer. Something breaks inside him like a dam, leaking out more and more the faster the thrusts are. It’s a release, but not a pleasant one, as if something was wrenched out of him alive until he’s left taking it like a sobbing mess. He almost doesn’t register the heat spilling inside him in spurts and the way Minhyuk stills, his touch, his panicked voice. The sudden emptiness.

,,Talk to me, Minho. Say something.”

He comes to it slowly, trying to steady his panicked breathing. Minhyuk is caressing his tear stained cheek, looking genuinely startled. He looks down between his legs. The bedsheet is wet and he’s already soft. He realizes with horrifying shame what just happened.

,,I-...” That’s all he manages to get out. He grabs a pillow and presses it to his flaming face. Fuck, why did it happen again. Minhyuk was right, it was a bad idea to go so soon after coming once.

,,What’s wrong?” Minho shakes his head, not willing to answer, so he has to snatch the pillow away. ,,Are you embarrassed about what happened? It’s completely normal, baby. You were overstimuled.”

,,I didn’t-... Fuck, this wasn’t supposed to happen,” he snaps, unable to look into his eyes. Minhyuk isn’t laughing at him, neither does he shame him, just hands him a towel from one of the table drawers. So he relaxes.

,,Has this happened before? Like back when we-...”

,,Yeah,” he admits. ,,First time you guided me through the fingering thing. I just didn’t want to talk about it. Some people think it’s gross.”

,,It’s hot.”

Minho shoots him a surprised look. ,,So you are into some freaky shit, hyung. Huh,” he jokes lightheartedly and lets himself be pulled back into the bed.

***

Minho wakes up two hours later to Minhyuk laying next to him, stroking his hair. He's wearing a strangely sad expression. 

,,What's wrong?"

The movement stops. 

,,I didn't mean to. I'm sorry, I-...” Minhyuk lets his hand slide on the pillow. ,,When we stopped talking… I tried sleeping with other people. First girls because I was more into them back then, but no matter how much I tried, I couldn't do it. Either I didn't get hard or I had to force it, which only made it worse then and I felt like a failure. I thought I was maybe more into guys, but…"

,,Did you try both ways?"

,,Yeah. Nothing really worked, even bottoming. So I eventually gave up for a while."

Minho turns on his side, head propped onto his arm casually. ,,How about I change your mind?"

,,What?”

,,I… I’m sorry if that was too straightforward,” he apologizes instantly, but Minhyuk stops him with a voice so small and unsure he’s not even certain it’s real.

,,No, it’s… I would like that.”

***

He leans down, pressing chest to back as his hips keep moving in a steady pace so that each thrust is aimed deep, emphasizing his words with harder thrust.

,,Who would have thought that hyung is such a fucking slut."

It dawns on him right the next moment what he’s just said when Minhyuk lets out a shaky moan and the warmth around him tightens. 

,,Oh my god, I’m sorry, I-...”

,,Say that again.”

Minho looks down. Minhyuk refuses to meet his eyes but from what he can see, he’s flushed all over his neck and chest, muscles in his back tense. ,,H-Hyung…”

Minhyuk shifts and puts his arms behind his back. ,,Can you… can you also hold my hands like this?” he asks quietly. When he does meet his eyes, they are pleading and slightly hazy. ,,Please…”

Oh…

Minho obeys and grabs both of his wrists into one hand, hesitant at first. But he trusts that if something was wrong, he would tell him. 

He resumes his pace, rocking his hips forward slow but deep. ,,You like that, hyung?” he kisses him behind the ear, licking over the spot under his jaw as his free hand moves to palm the outer side of his thigh. ,,You like being my slut?" He slaps the meat of his thigh, hard so it stings. Everything gets impossibly tight around him, quivering, and Minhyuk full on whimpers. The inside of his thighs is wet and slick. 

Minho moves his hand along the spine to grab a handful of his strands. 

,,I asked you a question, hyung. Answer me like a good slut if you want to come."

He's all red, lips parted in gasps as Minho never stops moving, only slows down a little to give a meaning to his words, and so fucked out he's gripping the sheets so tight his knuckles turn white and he's desperately pushing himself back until Minho slaps his ass so hard it jiggles and leaves red imprint. 

,,Y-Yes."

,,Yes what? Look at me, hyung." He forces his face aside more. Like that he can see the shame that glistens in his glassy eyes, but he can feel his cock leaking as he pulls on his scalp. 

,,Yes, I… I like being your slut."

The last word is more of a stuttered whisper, but Minho decides to be merciful and finally snaps his hips in the way both of them need.

,,There you go, princess," he mutters, straightening to get a better angle. 

It's so good. He watches himself slide in and out where it's dripping, pulling almost all the way out everytime only to slam back again. ,,H-Hyung…" he manages between moans he can't hold back. ,,Almost there… almost–... Fuck, I'm gonna–"

He feels himself pulsing, so close it almost hurts. He wants to be good, wants to make hyung come first like he deserves. 

He drapes himself over him, feeling a few drops of sweat drip on his shoulder. His hand searches his, making the fingers relax and interwine with his. ,,Gonna come on my dick, princess?" he chuckles, teasing.

He can feel the moment the thread snaps and the throbbing tightness around him becomes unbearable, milking him. Minhyuk shakes through it, moaning so loud Minho feels it vibrating through his chest. 

Minho pulls out, jerking himself off over his bare back. His groans go higher and higher until the first wave hits and he's spilling over his fingers. Some of it pools in those cute dimples.  

Just as he's coming down from the high, everything goes down crumbling. He starts shaking and soon there are tears dripping on the man's back that he can't contain along with a pitiful sob wrenched out of him.

Minhyuk turns around, alarmed at the sound he hears. ,,Oh god, Minho, what happened?" The boy just shakes his head so he has to push further. He cradles his cheeks and makes him look up. ,,Don't tell me it was that bad."

,,N-No, I… it's not you." He sniffles, wiping his cheeks. ,,I didn't want to lose control."

,,Are you feeling bad because you've said all those things?" Minho nods and he can't stifle a gentle laugh. ,,I know you didn't mean any of that. It was just a game. And I really enjoyed it."

,,For real?"

,,Yeah. You were so good, Min. God, I don't think I've ever come this hard." Minho's still frowning so he decides to kiss the frown better until the boy sighs into the small space between them and melts and they are left laughing. 

,,I love you so much."

Minho hums, trying to play it cool at first but he can't keep a straight face. ,,Love you too, princess." It earns him a tackle back into the sheets, where he kisses Minhyuk eagerly. 

,,We should clean up and go for some breakfast." 

,,Mm… Don't wanna." He pouts, eyeing up the visible bite mark on his peck. ,,Can I cum on your tits next time?"

Minhyuk smacks his ass but he just grins at the blush that certainly wasn't on his cheeks a minute ago when he crawls to the night table to grab some tissues. ,,Is that a yes?"

,,Say please and I shall consider."

***

It's not until around the noon that Minho comes out of the room to use the bathroom and grab some small breakfast in the kitchen, wearing just underwear and Minhyuk's shirt. 

Seungmin is there on the couch and Jeongin is eating some soup, but he doesn't even look up. It almost seems like he's avoiding Minho's gaze. None of them say anything when he goes to the fridge to pick some yoghurt and cuts some fruit on the counter. 

He’s usually the first one to wake up and it’s pretty late, so the others might be up to their own stuff already. 

The front door opens and in comes Jisung. The moment he sees Minho at the counter, he opens his mouth, closes it again and makes a move back towards the exit. 

,,Wait!" Minho calls after him and the rapper stops with a hand on the handle. ,,Last night, I-... Did I do something at the party? You guys act like I'm not even here."

,,It's more about who you did here ," mutters Seungmin dryly. 

Oh fuck.

,,Not that you were the only one though," says Jisung, laying down on the sofa. He still seems a bit tense and there are dark circles under his eyes. ,,Just saw Wooyoung sneaking out of Bin's room and Felix isn't in his room yet so he's probably still with Chan." 

Jeongin mumbles into his cereal, still red in the face: ,,Like you didn't have Yunho drive you home."

Jisung throws him a side eye. ,,I didn't-"

,,So it wasn't you crawling all over him, begging to call you babygirl ?"

,,Wow. Bitter you didn't get laid?”

It's at that moment Minho decides to just get the fuck out of this and take the food to his room instead. He can hear them fighting all the way back until the door closes behind him.

Minhyuk is still in the bed, sitting against the headboard with blanket over his lap. He gives him a questioning look, which Minho waves off with a defeated sigh.

,,Just some cat fights over last night."

,,Have you told them?"

,,Everyone saw you dragging my drunk ass home so…" Minho places his breakfast on the table for now, hops back in the bed and straddles his lap to drape himself over the other. He sighs, so content. ,,Can I rent you instead of my bed so you can't leave? Think there was some kink community for that too."

Minhyuk kisses what's visible of his forehead, hand finding its way under the shirt to be put on the small of his back. ,,Been thinking we could go somewhere if we get some time off, like a cabin, around Christmas. Have some alone time."

,,That would be nice." He lifts his head to steal a kiss, feeling Minhyuk’s hands steady on his hips. It's calming to just feel them, shift a little just for the tease before he straightens up. He looks down between his thighs, how nice they frame Minhyuk’s defined abdomen. ,,Wanna ride you," he sighs, bearing his hips down to press against him. ,,Can I?”

Minhyuk runs one hand across his chest, resting it on his neck. Minho throws his head back a little under the pressure, blinking slowly, when a thumb dips between his lips and he sucks on it. ,,Still so desperate for it, aren't you, little one? Just like back then."

Minho takes him as deep as it can go, then lets it go with a soft pop and licks it one last time. He can feel him harden between his clothed cheeks and it makes his confidence sky rocket despite the exposing position he’s in. ,,Can't help it."