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It was early morning - well early morning by Shouto’s standards. For Katsuki, it was just morning. 8:30am to be precise and Katsuki had already been up for an hour. Nothing out of the ordinary, he had done most of his morning routine as his lover slept soundly in their bed. It was time to shower and once that was done with, he was in the kitchen preparing some breakfast. He checks the time again nearing to 9:00am now and he gets to work. It was a day off for the both of them, one of the rare times they manage to get a day off together without needing to request it - the perks of being in the top 5 of hero rankings. A day off together meant doing things they didn’t really get to do much of anymore with how busy they had gotten. They had planned for a day of relaxing together, getting to re-charge for a while before they were going to join Izuku and Eijiro for a double date. It had been a while since they got to see their friends outside of being on the field. They both had been excited to spend an evening with the other couple.
Katsuki had decided he wanted to start the day off just like they once did, he’d make Shouto and himself a good breakfast and they’d eat it in bed and spend the rest of the morning cuddling. They hadn’t been able to have such a morning for a while. Katsuki got to work on making the pancakes, thinking about the pout he was going to be faced with once he wakes Shouto up but knowing he can just kiss it away with ease. He plates up the pancakes and makes his way back to the bedroom to wake up his boyfriend and ask what he’d like with his pancakes - he’d guess strawberries and chocolate but he can never be too sure with how Shouto’s mind works.
Only when he steps into the bedroom he realises it’s a different morning than what he had planned for. Shouto is already awake. He checks the time - 9:25am. Too early for Shouto to wake up himself on his day off. Katsuki pauses in the doorway, watches how Shouto stares into space, tears running down his face but not a single sound coming out of him. Shouto’s hand is grasping his own bicep, Katsuki can see his fingernails digging into the skin. He kicks into action then, his brain catching up with the situation in front of him.
“Shou?” He says softly, needing the other to know he was there before he made any move to get closer. Shouto’s eyes snap towards him, tears still falling freely, the grip on his own arm still as tight. Katsuki makes his way over to him and sits on the edge of the bed. “Do you want me to touch you?” He asks, trying to work out what would be too much for Shouto at this moment. Shouto shakes his head ‘no’ and Katsuki nods. “Okay, that’s okay. I’ll stay right here for now.” He looks over Shouto, he really needed him to let up on the grip on his arm but he knew he wasn’t going to be able to get him to do that yet.
They sit in silence, Katsuki watching him looking for any sign that he’s going to end up seriously hurting himself. Shouto’s tears don’t stop and Katsuki desperately wants to hold him but he knows it would just make it worse right now.
Finally, a sob rips through Shouto’s lips and he’s trembling. The hand grasping his arm lets go and he’s wiping furiously at his face. Katsuki notices the nail marks left behind on his skin and he’s thankful Shouto didn’t actually break through the skin this time. Katsuki watches as Shouto cries hard into his hands, gasping for breath between the sobs.
“Kats-” He gets out between the sobs and it’s the sign that he needs him. Katsuki moves quickly, shuffles closer to him and his hand is on his knee. Letting him know he’s there but not overwhelming him. He notes that his body temperature wasn’t normal, his skin feeling hotter than usual and he could guess his right side was colder than usual too. He squeezes his knee lightly and with his other hand he gently grabs at Shouto’s wrist coaxing one of his hands away from his face.
“Shou, what you’re feeling right now isn’t going to last forever, okay? You’re gonna be okay, I promise.” Katsuki tells him and he keeps his hand on his knee, squeezing every so often to try and keep him in the present. Shouto balls his hand into a fist and hits himself on his thigh repeatedly, Katsuki is quick to place his hand in the way, stopping him from hurting himself and takes his wrist gently and brushes his thumb against his knuckles. He waits for him to stop trying to hurt himself and lets go of him but keeps a close eye out for it happening again, making sure he especially doesn’t end up trying to hit his face.
Shouto’s sobs wrack through him and he keeps gasping for breath, struggling to get any air into his lungs. “Hey, hey breathe. Look-” He takes Shouto’s hand. “Remember what works, okay. Close your hands and breathe in and open them and breathe out. Like this, breathe like this.” Katsuki says and closes Shouto’s palms and opens them again until Shouto does it himself and breathes with the motion. “There, you’ve got it. Keep breathing, you’re okay.” Katsuki says gently and he starts lightly tracing patterns onto Shouto’s thigh. Shouto’s sobs start to calm with his breathing and the tears are back to falling silently as he tries to regulate his breathing. The skin beneath Katsuki’s fingers feels less hot and Katsuki is thankful that it doesn’t seem like Shouto is going to lose control of his quirk this time.
“I’m sorry.” Shouto says finally, tears still not stopping. Katsuki moves his hand from his thigh and Shouto’s eyes go wide. “Please don’t leave! Katsuki please don’t go, I’m sorry! I’m really sorry!”
“Woah, hey, I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here, Shou. You have nothing to be sorry for.” He pulls Shouto closer to him, getting him to lean his head against his chest. He threads his fingers through his hair and rubs his hand up and down his thigh. Shouto let’s out a shaky breath, another sob coming out but less violent than the previous ones.
“I just want to be fucking normal.” He cries. “This is so stupid. I’m stupid.” He digs the heels of his palms into his eyes and Katsuki kisses the top of his head. “I hate this… I don’t want to be like this, why can’t my brain work like a normal person!?” He sobs, his hands move from his eyes and the heel of his palm smacks into his head. Katsuki grabs his hands, holding them and brushing his thumbs against his skin.
“Don’t do that, you don’t need to do that.” Katsuki says softly. He keeps a hold of his hands, deciding it was safer for Shouto that way. “It’s not stupid, and you’re not stupid. Don’t say that. I hate seeing you like this, yes, because I hate seeing you so hurt but it’s you and it doesn’t make you stupid. We’re going to get through this together like we have before and we will get through any others that come too.” Katsuki feels Shouto’s energy physically leave him as he drops back further into him, his hands stop trying to get out of the grasp and stop trying to hurt himself and he sniffles. He doesn’t say anything else, just leans against Katsuki and Katsuki can feel his shirt get wet from the tears but he doesn’t mind that. He carefully lets go of his hands and starts playing with Shouto’s hair trying to relax him, his other hand resting on his thigh and his fingers dancing along his skin, doing everything to make sure Shouto knows he’s there.
They stay like that for a while, sometimes moving to get more comfortable as Shouto cries on and off. At one point Shouto had moved himself fully into Katsuki’s lap, turning himself to face him and then wrapping his arms and legs around him whilst he buried his head into his neck. Katsuki had found that Shouto did that a lot, not just during an episode but whenever he was just upset or needed comfort of some sort. Katsuki runs his fingers up and down his back, keeping him close. He found that he liked having Shouto this close to him, he had just wished it wasn’t under such harsh circumstances.
They had finally settled into laying down, Katsuki on his back and Shouto laid fully over him, their chests pressed together and Shouto’s head next to his. Katsuki has his arms wrapped around him, tracing gentle patterns across his back. He can hear his breathing is back to normal and he takes it as a good sign.
“I think… I think I’m okay now.” Shouto says quietly.
“Yeah? That was a big one, it’s okay if you still need more time.” Katsuki tells him.
“Can we stay like this just a little longer, I’m sorry.”
“Of course, you don’t need to be sorry, Shou.”
“I just feel… awful. It’s our first day off together in so long and I already ruined it.” He sniffles and Katsuki holds him tightly, he didn’t want Shouto going straight back into an episode.
“You didn’t ruin anything. You haven’t done anything wrong.”
“It just must be so fucking exhausting for you. I’m sorry I’m so much, Katsuki I’m really fucking sorry.” His voice sounds so wet and wrecked. Katsuki feels him shake and he knows a new wave of tears have started.
“Not as exhausting as it is for you, baby. You’re not heavy to hold, I will keep telling you that until you never forget it. Shou, you take on so much every day, you’re not at fault for your disorder reacting this way. You do not need to apologise for being you.” Katsuki soothes him, keeps telling him he’s okay and he’s there until Shouto is settled again.
Eventually, Shouto moves himself off Katsuki and sits up. “I’m okay now. I think it’s passed. Thank you for being there. I’m sorry for doing that.” He says sheepishly. Katsuki sits up at that, shakes his head and brings his hand to rest against Shouto’s cheek and his thumb brushes against his skin.
“Never apologise for that, you hear me? You do it every time but you don’t ever need to be sorry for that. Next time I’ll kick your ass.” Katsuki jokes and it earns a little laugh from Shouto so he takes it as a win.
“Okay, I’ll try and remember. Um… I know I’ve already kind of demanded a lot from you today but can I have a kiss? I want to work out if that’s going to be too much today or not, if that’s okay?”
“You haven’t demanded shit, if it were up to you you’d probably just deal with it yourself but I’m not letting you do that.” Katsuki tells him and it’s true, he knows Shouto wouldn’t have tried to reach out to him if he hadn’t been in the room with him. “And of course you can have one. Let me know if it’s too much, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want.” Katsuki says and he’s leaning in placing a kiss to Shouto’s lips, Shouto reacts right away kissing him back and pulling on his shirt to bring him closer. A sign that it was definitely okay. When they break apart, Katsuki laughs a little. “It’s okay?”
“Yeah. Maybe not lots but it’s okay.” Shouto confirms and Katsuki nods at that. Katsuki checks the time and it reads 12:46pm. He notes this as one of Shouto’s biggest episodes he’s witnessed first hand.
“Did something specific trigger this one?” Katsuki asks him. Shouto shakes his head.
“I don’t think so, I really can’t think what happened. I just woke up so suddenly and felt awful. Nothing was actually wrong, I don’t know. I guess it was just one of those ones where it doesn’t need a specific trigger. I think I hate those the most because… literally nothing bad happened and I still react like that.” He huffs, a pout on his lips.
“That’s okay, I wanted to check there wasn’t anything we needed to change. I know you hate those ones, it must be so much more difficult to navigate when it’s not triggered by something specific. I’m here though, always. Whatever you need.” Shouto smiles at him then and kisses his cheek, muttering a ‘thank you’. Shouto then shuffles off the bed and he’s stretching his limbs.
“What are you doing?” Katsuki asks, usually Shouto stays in bed for a long time after his episodes, sometimes even for the full day.
“We’re meeting Izuku and Eijirou later, I need to start getting ready?” He says simply like it was so obvious. Katsuki is shaking his head and getting up, he takes Shouto’s hands into his own.
“We’re not doing anything today. I’m gonna cancel.” He says
“But… we’ve been waiting forever to do something with them again, don’t cancel over me having a stupid thing.” He huffs. Katsuki smiles softly at him and he moves his hair back and places a kiss on his forehead.
“It’s not stupid, it’s actually quite serious. Plus, we’ll just meet with them some other day. They won’t mind. I’m not having you over-exhausting yourself, it’s just going to make you feel worse.”
“Will you tell them the reason why?” Shouto asks and he looks down.
“Not if you don’t want me to.”
“Just feel dumb.”
“You’re not. I’ll make something up, I’ll say something came up to do with me. You know neither of them would be hostile though.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s just embarrassing for me.” Shouto shrugs and Katsuki pulls him into a hug and kisses his head.
“That’s okay. I’ll text Eijiro and then we’re gonna get some food and water in you, and after that we’re gonna take it slow today and just watch whatever show or films you want.”
“Are you sure it’s okay to spend our day off like this?” Shouto asks, sounding so unsure of himself like he had just ruined Katsuki’s day completely.
“I get to spend it with you, I don’t care what we end up doing. Trust me, I’m sure. Now get your ass back into bed, I have breakfast to serve… although I guess it’s lunch now but that doesn’t matter.” Shouto gets himself back into the bed. “I need to heat up the pancakes again so they’re warm but what do you want on yours?”
“Chocolate and strawberries if that’s okay? I can warm them up too, I don’t mind.”
“Of course it is, Princess. You’re not doing anything right now except relaxing, got it?”
“Yes, sir.” Shouto jokes and Katsuki rolls his eyes at him before he leaves the room to finish off the breakfast he started hours ago.
The rest of the day consists of cuddles and occasional kisses whilst they watch some animated show Shouto likes. As expected, Eijiro and Izuku weren’t upset about the canceled plans but wished them both well and asked for them to plan something together soon which Katsuki confirmed they would. They ate take out later that day - Katsuki making sure to get Shouto his cold soba that he loves so dearly and even though their morning had started out rough, Katsuki couldn’t think of a better way to spend the rest of his day off with his boyfriend than getting to see him so relaxed and finally content. He was happy Shouto wasn’t trapped inside his head anymore, happy to see him smile and knowing he wasn’t hurting inside like he had been that morning.
Katsuki knew Shouto would apologise again later that night but he was ready to remind him he didn’t need to, that it wasn't his fault and that he would never ever be too heavy to hold.