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It was Steve that took it the hardest, man of honor, a heart of gold, and chest that very well should’ve been made out of steel, of course it did. Golden boy, soft heart, blue eyes like the ocean, Steve was your first friend. He was the one that introduced you to the team that would become your family. He was the one that stood strong and pleaded your case to fury when the stubborn man said “she’s just a field agent…”
So of course he took it hard, stoic faced when his firends shattered around him and he still wouldn’t budge when they screamed. Golden boy, soft heart, cold inside from your absence he had to take one for the team.
“Stevie!…” he heard your soft voice, perfumed by your laughter, never once, thinking the nick name was annoying.
Drying the dishes, he paused to greet you, smiling at your flush cheeks and heaving chest, you were so beautiful with your crystal clear eyes.
Flashing his brilliant smile, heart beating faster when you took him by surprise and tip toed and gave him a kiss on the cheek, he stuttered. You giggled and he laughed until you reached behind your back.
“Say cheese!…” you bellowed, spraying him colored strings of fury. It hardly felt like anything, he has been built for much harsher things, cruel and dark, crushed by metal. So when the string lay limp on his marble form, he laughed as he chased you. You silly woman, beautiful and strong, a friend amongst friends. You were his balm of sunshine.
“Oh you’re gonna pay for that Sunshine!…”
He ran after you, all the while your squeals of delight echoed off the halls…
Golden boy, soft heart, his heart is breaking for you. He can’t fall in front of the team.
The memory of you made him sick now, and made him want to hate the sun. So he stood, walking away.
“So you’re just gonna leave!?…” Tony snarled red faced and angry, whisky eyes dark like the bottom of jack.
Steve paused, looked over his shoulder, cold eyes dead in front of his hurting friend, pink lips murmuring a simple “yes”
Steve left, followed by Bucky and Tony could’ve screamed. That yes was like a bullet to his heart. Bruce lay a hand on his shoulder. Like a silent plea to shatter together…
“Steve…” Bucky whispered, following the back of his friend. He could hear Steve’s breathing, could hear the sweat dripping from his forehead, as Bucky listened closely , he would probably hear him shatter.
“Stevie?…”
Suddenly Steve stoped, almost making Bucky crash into a steel back, Steve turned around, blue eyes drowning in a sea of hurt. Bucky has seen a lot of things from his best firend. But this pain was raw and fresh and so utterly torn that Bucky wanted to crawl inside him and rip away the sadness.
Steve stepped closer, nose to nose with his almost lover, sharing same breath, Steve hissed. “Do not call me that…” Steve swallowed the lump in his throat. He can still hear your cries of laughter, see the joy in your face.
Stevie! A giggle.
Stevie! A squeak.
Stevie! A squeeze.
“Never say that to me again…”
Steve’s eyes full of hurt, was dark and feral and Bucky, dark child, tough boy turned broken soldier wanted to comfort his almost lover.
Bucky gazed upon Steve’s lips, wanting desperately to take away the bitter words perfumed by his sadness. Wanted to intertwine their tongues together and cry and shatter together.
But Steve knew his first friend, his thought to be brother, his almost lover, and he turned away, scarred and horrified of giving in to something they so desperately were trying to hide.
Bucky whimpered, broken man, sad soldier, out of anger, he snarled. “I was the one to say it first!…”
Poor boy. Broken man. He wished he could take it back. You were his sweet friend, his sunshine girl, the balm of happiness between them. He hoped Steve didn’t hear.
But like a lover knows their soul. He heard. And he shattered like glass when he got back to his home.
Sunshine girl. Almost lover. Friends becoming ghosts, he was so tired of standing behind a shield.
Two knocks and you heard the door open. Clint allowing himself to come in and plopping himself right on top of you. Jerk.
“Clint!…” you giggled “get the hell off of me!…” more giggles as your wild arms flare away “you’re like a brick shit house..”
Clint chuckled and placed a hand around his heart in mock hurt. “How dare you sunshine…” he paused and you raised a brow “I’m like two brick shit houses…”
You chuckled and threw a throw pillow at him.
“Don’t start something you can’t finish!…” he mocked, ducking underneath the couch.
“Nah, you’re going down…”
Tired eyes, heart hurt and ears ringing, he took off his ear piece he didn’t want to hear anymore yelling. You were gone.
He found Steve a few days later and when the archer sat next to his captain, tears full of hurt and worry, his captain could only offer him a arm to the shoulder and sympathy.
“I don’t believe in god…” Clint said bluntly, holding back tears, red nosed and hurting. He looked at Steve then “but god…” Clint breathed closing his eyes “I hope she’s somewhere safe.”
Sweetheart, good heart. The archer loves all of his Friends.
Steve sat there with the archer all night, he held the archer’s rough hands.
Steve wished you were somewhere safe too. Somewhere behind them the clock read 11:11…
Steve’s hear’s two knocks. And already he knows who it is. Sweet one, best friend told in history books, but Steve knew. His almost lover.
“Things have change Steve…” you said smiling as the both of you look at each other through tired eyes. Another mission. Steve faltered. He raised a brow and smirked and you smiled. Placing a soft arm around his “you two don’t have to hide anymore. You guys deserve each other…”
Such a sweet soul. A beautiful dame. You deserve the world. How could you see past the façade the armor?
“You don’t have to put up with that masculinity bullshit anymore Steve…” you said seriously “you both don’t…”
Bless you. Steve thought. He was supposed to be a perfect man. Steel and hard edges. Nothing soft. ‘Not a fairy..’
“Don’t martyr yourself Steve, at least, not your love for him…”
Overcome with emotion and cheeks pink with a heavy blush, he picked you up, feet dangling from the ground. He spun the two of you around and you giggled. “Oh!… Steve..damn it… what’s this about…” you chuckled in between breaths.
He suddenly looked at you. Eyes full of emotion. “You’re the most sweetest dame I have ever met darlin…” voice low with how much he felt for you and his Bucky, Brooklyn accent thick in full force.
You placed a hand on his soft cheek. “You deserve good things…” you smiled.
All the while Bucky watched near the door frame, a smirk on his face. Sweetest dame they have both met. Maybe you could’ve been lovers in other lives too…
Steve answered the door and suddenly he was pushed with as much force another one with strength could give him.. Bucky, his almost lover was upset.
“What the fuck Bucky…” Steve side eyed him, picking himself off the floor.
“No calls…” Bucky said absently “No texts…” Bucky turned around facing his other with stormy eyes. “Could’ve went all forty’s on me and sent a fucking letter Steven…” Steve’s heart hurt. In the midst of all this hurting he has missed that everyone else is hurting too. Tragic child, man of the shield, he’s only human, after all.
Steven.
Steven.
STEVEN.
Bucky was upset.
“Buck..” Steve started “I-I’m..” Bucky’s nose flared and sometimes words escaped him. He wasn’t Captain America in front of Bucky he was just Steve, Stevie, best friend, almost lover.
What could he say to put back the pieces of their love. So he stood, walked over and threw himself into Bucky’s arms.
“I’m sorry..” he whined. He kissed the corner of Bucky’s lips, sloppy and wet and Bucky, grabbed Steve’s chin and pulled him even closer, crashing his mouth onto the sweet lips of his lover. Sweet lover. His Stevie’s lips taste delicious.
“Dove…” Steve sighed in between kisses “Sugar..” Bucky echoed back, tongues dancing together in perfect harmony. This was right.
Tangled limbs and sweet moans, they stayed up all night putting the pieces back to their love.
“You know I would buy you anything in the world, anything, sweetheart, if you were to not wear that dress…” Tony said, eyes narrowed and lips turned down in a frown.
You giggled and spun around liking the white color. It made you feel good, bright and pure.
“Nah I’m good…” you said, chuckling, when Tony sighed in resignation.
“Cmon…” Tony said stretching the word, “it’s a black tie gala, that means black ties and black dresses. You’ll be the odd one standing out.”
“I like odd…” you murmured
“You serious?…” Tony deadpanned.
“I like you don’t I?” You said laughing. “You little shit” Tony chuckled.
Tony swayed the both of you back and forth, gazing upon your form, “you do look good though darling, absolutely beautiful…”
Warmth bloomed on your face and you smiled shyly. “Well I got a great friend…” you murmured.
Iron heart, always trying to fix messes he show’s his affection by buying love. He tries and it still hurts him when his gifts aren’t enough.
Suddenly touched by just the simple words Tony sniffed and strayed to your side, giving you his arm “shall we then darling?…”
You smiled “we shall…”
Good friend, beautiful woman, you were more than just easy on the eyes. You melted the iron in his heart. You didn’t even know you would be the god niece to his child…
Stroking the belly of Pepper while she lay back to his front, she smiled, “what should we name her?…” she murmured.
Tony smiled and kissed the side of her forehead.
“Sunshine…”
Healing happens, and babies are born, the hearts of those you weaseled open start to heal, scars are still scars but are less tender.
Their baby will be the first Stark to know softness.
“Nat…” you whispered.
Murmurs of the cold woman, Nat was sleeping and twitching in her sleep, nightmares again. people likened her to a robot but she was just a broken woman, doing what she was taught was the best course of action.
“Nat?…” worried now you scooted over and flipped her, placing soothing hands on her shoulders..
“Natasha!…”
Eyes opened wide, Natasha moved like any spider, hidden under the covers she reached for a knife, you could barley register the thump of your back hitting the ground. Dark woman, sad heart full of dark rage; she’s human.
“Natasha!…” you whimpered, not scared of her but scared for her, that stupid knife on your neck be dammed. “Nat it’s okay breathe…” you softly whispered, eyes still widened and hollow, her grip becoming lose, you softly stroked the skin of her arm “it’s okay it was just a nightmare…shh..” you murmured, “it’s alright.”
She looked at you, her eyes full of sharp anger, not at you, she was filled with disgust, she didn’t need saving, she saves her self, but god, your voice was soothing. She didn’t cry when you got her back to bed, she didn’t cry when you held her close to your heart.
She slept warmly and knew she could call you a sister.
“Now tell me again why you didn’t name her Natasha?…” Nat said with faux snark, as she gazed lovingly at her god niece.
Pepper chuckled, warm cheeks flush form all the birthing a baby entails. She wishes you were here.
“Sunshine…” Pepper murmured.
Everybody went silent in the room.
“Morgan Sunshine Stark…”
Bucky and Steve, Tony and Nat hid their tears well, all the whole Clint looked off to sun, tears streaming down his face, this was a happy moment, they miss you still, sunshine girl.
Pain never stops, sometimes it festers, and sometimes it moves, but love is a soothing balm to weariness. Steve and Bucky’s small wedding was a treasure to all thier friends, seeing two men who have fought so hard, find solace in each other was a beautiful thing.
Love. babies growing into toddlers and then there was another. A girl again and Pepper chuckled while Tony lay kisses on her stretched skin. She would share your likeness too. Sunshine girl, they miss you.
Always was thought to be a killer, a cold stone fighter, Nat’s heart melted when she adopted a cat, saving her tiny form from a leaking box in New York’s heavy rain. Alpine was the kitty’s name and she knew that you would be happy for her. Allowing herself to love another warm thing.
Slices of life, domestic bliss, friends stronger than ever, they would never forget their sunshine girl. They healed with scars on their hearts, they fought to face the sun again and all the while not knowing that you were watching.
You were crying with them. Laughing with them. Smiling and cheering. Happy for your beautiful friends. Yearning to touch them and tell them that they would find a heaven too.
As Steve lay sleeping next to his best friend lover
Natasha with her white snow cat, curled up watching movies,
Tony and Pepper giggling as they hear the pitter patter of little feet
Clint welcoming new friends and healing past hurts. You felt deeply, rawly connected to them. Your best friends. Your slices of happiness. You wish them all a long and beautiful life.
And somewhere in shaded clouds, wearing sunshine yellow, a sunshine girl smiled.