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Tetsurou Kuroo was standing in front of one of his favorite coffee shops.
He didn't know whether to go in or not.
He knew that going into the store meant taking a step from which there would be no turning back. So, on the other hand, he wanted to take it easy for a change.
Tetsurou kept thinking until, before he could react, a man entering the coffee shop hustled him, forcing him inside.
"Fuck," he whispered.
He tried to consider the eventuality as a sign, seeing that the person he had invited was already there.
Kenma was typing on his phone.
When Tetsurou walked up to the table where Kenma was sitting, his gaze and the other boy’s connected. They both smiled.
"So..." Kenma started to say. "Do you already know what you're going to do now as you finish high school?" he inquired, still waving his hands on the controller.
"Dad told me that his boss had offered him a role for me in the company," said the other boy. Kenma raised his eyebrows in surprise. "In case I wanted to study business administration. So I'll be studying that," Tetsurou finally assured.
"And you want to study it?" the younger one asked. Tetsurou wrinkled his nose.
"Opportunities should not be wasted, Kenma," he smiled.
Tetsurou was starting his third year of his career and that feeling of not quite fitting in wouldn't go away.
In a way, he felt totally different from his other classmates.
He didn't fit in with those who enthusiastically talked about their own goals of working for this or that company.
He didn't fit in with those who boasted of having a family business to go into.
He didn't fit in with those who, enthusiastically, talked about their plans to develop a business.
He didn't fit in with their goals, with their outlook on life, with their emotions.
He didn't fit in.
He was only charting that path because it was safe.
One morning, Tetsurou Kuroo awoke with, what he labeled, the epiphany of his life.
"I don't want this anymore," he announced as soon as he got out of bed.
"I don't want to keep studying this career," Tetsurou proclaimed.
Kenma almost spit out his caramel frappuccino. Tetsurou stood up quickly to help the other. It took Kenma a few seconds to regain his composure.
"Are you all right?" Tetsurou asked worriedly. "Shall I ask them to bring us some water?"
Kenma cleared his throat and nodded repeatedly.
"Yes, yes, I'm fine?" he answered. "Just a little surprised, I guess."
Tetsurou noticed the lie in his voice. He knew that, if anyone could sense his feelings, it was Kenma.
"Can you tell me more?" the younger boy asked.
"This." Tetsurou gestured to himself with both hands. "All of this." He gestured to refer to all around him. "This life I'm building every day," he sighed, "every time I go to college," Tetsurou's voice was beginning to crack, "every time I study until dawn," Tetsurou took a deep breath," every time I have long conversations about my career." Tetsurou's voice finished cracking. "This is not the life I want for myself."
Tetsurou caught a glimpse of Kenma approaching to give him a hug, then took the seat next to him. Even after he pulled away from him, Kenma didn't stop stroking his hair for a second. Then he finally approached Tetsurou's face when he noticed that Tetsurou calmed down.
"And have you thought about what you want to do?" Kenma inquired.
Tetsurou took a deep breath.
"What I've told you is all I have," he answered between resignation and jocularity.
Kenma smiled, not seeming surprised at the answer.
They spent a good part of the afternoon making a list of pros and cons of Tetsurou's idea of dropping out of the career.
Pros and cons lists were one way of looking at the problem, generally it wouldn't be recommended, but Kenma had decided to be the voice of reason. Especially knowing that Tetsurou seemed to be willing to act from sheer vehemence.
Pros:
- He could find a vocation that really satisfied him.
- In case he didn’t find a vocation, at least he would have the comfort that he tried.
- He could be happy.
Cons:
- Most likely, his father was no longer going to take care of him financially.
- There was a possibility that he wouldn’t find a vocation.
- If he found one, he would have to start from scratch.
- He would give up the financial security that awaited him at the end of his career.
Despite knowing that there were more cons than pros, the conclusion always pointed to the same thing, no matter how many times they tried to redo the list. There seemed to be no other alternative than the initial one: Tetsurou had to leave that career.
The next question to be resolved was: what Tetsurou wanted for his life.
“What do you want to do? Studying another career, maybe working?" Kenma asked.
"Kenma, I'm not going to lie to you," Tetsurou said. "I don't know what I want to do," he confessed. "I just know that I want to change my whole life, I want to strive for something I really love."
"And what do you love?" Kenma inquired.
"Volleyball," Tetsurou replied at Kenma's mocking look.
"Wouldn't you want to be a professional volleyball player?" he pondered. "You have the qualifications—you're tall and athletic."
Tetsurou wrinkled his nose.
"I don't see myself playing volleyball for a living, you know?" he commented. "Plus, my physique isn't what it was in high school anymore."
After several hours of research, Tetsurou and Kenma discovered the perfect option for Tetsurou at the time the coffee shop was about to close.
"Sports management."
Tetsurou snorted once they had to leave the cafeteria.
"Kenma," called out to the man, who was about to head for home. He had so much to say, but it didn't seem to be the time, "I'll walk with you," he finally said.
...
The journey passed in a particular silence, none of them seemed to know what to say or whether to say anything at all.
"Kenma," Tetsurou said before this one went into his home. He walked over and hugged him. "Thank you very much." He hugged him tighter. "For everything."
A couple of days passed before Tetsurou contacted Kenma again. He summoned him to the same coffee shop.
Unlike the previous occasion, Tetsurou had no one to force him to enter.
He walked in on his own, but very reluctantly.
"Hey," he said to Kenma when he saw him enter, that time he had endeavored to be on time.
It was an important date.
The date on which Tetsurou will break part of his own heart.
Interesting, considering that he felt like his heart wanted to escape from his chest.
So many years and, even though he knew he could never have Kenma in his life romantically, he still felt butterflies when he saw him.
"I found out about that university we read about. I actually found out where to study," Tetsurou announced happily. "It's far away," he noted. "Far away from Tokyo. It's in Kagoshima," he explained. "But I'll be able to validate certain things, so I won't be starting totally from scratch."
"I'll have to get a calling plan then," Kenma supposed.
"Kenma," the older one began to say, "I appreciate you and love you deeply, you are my best friend." Tetsurou took a deep breath. He didn't know how to say what he would say next. He opened his mouth, but closed it again. "But I feel that knowing about you makes me feel tied to this city, to this life that I want to forget." Kenma looked dismayed, pursed his lips and just nodded silently. "I want to know who I can be without you."
Tetsurou felt his soul burning, but what else could he do if his true feelings had long ago tainted that pure friendship they built up since childhood?
Kenma gave what looked like a sad smile, immediately stood up and, for the first time since Tetsurou could remember, started a hug.
"I can't wait to see you again," he said with a broken voice. Tetsurou wanted to step away to comfort him, but the strong grip placed by Kenma didn't allow him to do so. When he finally succeeded, he felt Kenma's hands cradle his face, so he gave him a kiss on the cheek.
"Don't worry about me," Tetsurou stated through tears after the kiss, still looking Kenma in the eyes. "The next time I see you, I'll be living the life of my dreams."