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“Why did you bring him again ?!”
“Oh ne t'inquiètes pas, I expected your disgust so I brought a book with me.”
Months ago, Touka and Hide started dating and both your husband and you became really excited about their relationship. Last time Touka asked you to help her with human groceries and even though you weren't of any help, she texted you asking if you could come over and help her cooking, without mentioning what she had in mind. At this point Shuu and you were just glued to each other so naturally he came as well. Sadly Hide was out which means no couple talks or whatever two couples can do.
As Shuu was making himself comfortable on the sofa in the living room, Touka grabbed your arm and dragged you into the kitchen, visibly pissed off but having given up on Shuu. But you didn't care, you were excited for whatever was coming. Once in there you noticed the huge mess on the kitchen table : pans, pots, etc.
“So, what do you want to do ?” You asked.
Touka rushed to the mess, pushed it aside - which made a really loud and awful noise that made you cringe - to grab a recipe book already opened. You were expecting Shuu to appear at the door asking if everything was alright but he didn't, you figured he was expecting that things would get violent knowing Touka. She then turned back to you with a slight blush :
“V-Valentine's chocolates.”
“Touka.”
“Yes.”
“We're in the middle of summer.”
“I KNOW.” She crossed her arms. “I just want to cook something cute for him. And this time without burning anything.”
“How did the burger go ?”
“Fire. Hell fire.”
“Okay.”
“But this time it seems easier to do.” She shows you the page, a recipe for chocolate covered caramels which sounded pretty nice. “The problem is that I have no idea what any of these terms mean and how to do it.”
“You just said it seemed easier to you ?”
“Well it seems easier.”
“Did you at least buy the ingredients already ?” You asked, confidently taking the book from her, having no idea what you were doing. Seriously, it had been years since the last time you cooked human food whose texture was totally different from...ghoul meat.
“Of course I did, I'm not stupid. I learned how to buy human food by myself since you freaking left me alone last time.”
You avoided her glare, trying not to laugh thinking about all the ridiculous stuff that happened. Having forgotten about the needed ingredients she asked you what the recipe asked for like it was a real person and quickly stopped searching.
“W-What does 1 cup of sugar even mean ? ½ cup packed of what ? What is this gibberish, do we, like, take a random cup and pour the sugar in it ? What even.”
She looked up at you, waiting and you wondered why. Ah yes. The purpose of your presence. You were about to sweat and stutter because once again you were going to be useless when Shuu suddenly showed up at the door.
“Is everything alright ? I heard a loud noise.”
You burst out laughing and made a mental note about thanking him later for saving you from Touka's fury. Well, it was eventually going to happen anyway but you were buying time.
“Geez it's been MINUTES. Did you fall asleep or something ? Are you stupid or what ?” Touka yellled. How cute.
“Well-”
“And what is this hair colour anyway ?” Touka cut him. “Sky blue ? Seriously ?”
“Turquoise actually.” He answered with a smudge smile on his face.
“And I really like it. Dyeing it was a good idea.” You stepped closer to him to stroke his hair, fondly looking at each other.
“Oh you make me sick, be helpful or go away.”
“What are you cooking ?” He walked in the kitchen and stared at the recipe book. “Valentine's chocolates ! How dolce ! If it's technical problems you have, I can help. I'm accustomed to human ways, may I remind you I used to be the Gourmet !”
Bless your husband. You excitedly looked at Touka, mentally screaming “YES LET HIM” and after seconds of hesitation, she nodded in agreement, disgruntled but Shuu looked really excited and confident.
And you bet he would. He hadn't forgotten any of what he learned from humans and books like the ones written by the french gourmet Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin. Yes, you remembered his name. Touka was interestingly looking at what Shuu was doing, but she visibly remained a bit lost. You were interested as well but not as much since you never really had to cook anything, the servants did it for you. And it wasn't like human recipes could help any of them. Anyway, now both Touka and you were useless so you hadn't to feel bad anymore, how nice.
After what felt like hours, Shuu finally told you some wise words after letting the whole mixture in the pan, slowly warming more :
“Voilà. I figured the rest of the recipe is easy to understand, so I'll leave you to be now. Là. You have to wait 25 minutes.” He pointed on the book where he stopped in the recipe.
Before he left to sit and wait in the living room again, he left a light kiss on your cheek which made you giggle and Touka to make frustrated noises. And here you were again, both standing on your own having no idea what was going on. Touka looked a bit disgusted by what was in the pan, the smell was probably terrible to ghouls, thank god your sense of smell wasn't really well developed. You both checked the recipe book to check what was coming but all the ingredients you needed were already on the table, waiting like the two of you. Awkward silence. You took your cell phone out to google pictures of valentine's chocolates, which looked prettier than any of your chocolates will ever be.
“What are you smiling at ? Texting your shitty husband ?”
“Surprisingly not. I'm looking at chocolate picture.” You showed her your phone.
“Why ? Want to make me feel bad ?”
“Absolutely not ! I never really got the point of taking photos of your food but now thanks to them I can picture recipes better. Especially ones with no pictures at all like in this book.”
She looked interested but now that you were done speaking she changed the subject :
“Why did he dye his hair anyway ? Not that I care obviously.” She walked out of the kitchen to look at him from the corridor and you did as well. “I thought he was proud of his natural purple hair or whatever.”
“Oh it wasn't natural. His natural hair is dark blue.”
“Uh ? Do you really talk about insignificant things like that ?”
“No, he never told me actually.”
“Then how did you figure it out ?”
“Pubes.”
“Oh. My. God.”
She immediately walked back in the kitchen, disgusted, leaving you in the corridor almost pissing yourself laughing. Shuu must have slightly heard you since he looked up from his book and waved. You waved back. Touka dragged you back in the kitchen once again.
The time required had passed so you anxiously started following the recipe again – at least you were trying your best. To avoid panicking like the dumbasses you were you decided to read while Touka did the things. She was the one who had to learn in the end. You stuttered :
“Okay so you have to, like, stir ? In vanilla.”
“Stir what ?”
“Maybe, what's in the pan ?”
“I don't know what's in the pan.”
“No, I was making a statement here.”
“What ?”
“What.”
“I put vanilla in it ?”
“Yes. I guess. I don't know. Do it.”
She then stirred in vanilla, you guessed. You don't know anything about cooking words, in book yes but not in practice. You secretly hoped for Shuu to come back. You continued reading :
“It said that the mixture will foam up a bit so be careful.”
“Yeah sure, like it could burn a ghoul's skin.”
Ah, yeah right. You felt like an idiot.
“Er, pour into the prepared pan. Don't scrapes the side of the pan.”
She did so, trembling and mumbling insults, probably.
“Now we have to let it stand at room temperature for 2 to 3 hours.” You sighed heavily, putting the book on the table like it weighed tons.
Touka leaned on the side of the table, at first relieved but soon mad once again :
“What do you mean 2 to 3 hours ?! Do you mean I'll have to have you two in my apartmentuntil I don't know when ?!”
“Until 2 to 3 hours.” You grinned.
“Oh god damn it.”
She painfully walked out the kitchen to the leaving room and you followed her, dead inside.
“Is everything alright ?” Shuu asked, watching Touka fall on the other sofa in front of him while you sat down next to him and rest your head on his shoulder.
“We have to wait hours for it to rest.” You explained, Touka doing muffled frustrated noises in a pillow at the same time.
“Oh, I knew about that.” He said, closing his book.
“What did you just say ?!” Touka quickly turned her head to look at him. “You knew what was coming but you didn't tell us a thing ?!”
“Well it wouldn't have changed a thing. Plus we can share some time together now ! Fortissimo !”
Touka went back to mumbling words in a pillow.
“I wanna sleep.” You painfully said.
Shuu started kissing your forehead and hair. You forgot “wanting to sleep” was like a password between you two. Couple things. You giggled, blushing :
“I said sleep ! Like an actual nap !”
“You guys never stop being lovey dovey, uh ?” Touka was still hiding half of her face in a pillow but this time looking at you with tired eyes. “How are you even still that close ?”
“Is there something wrong between you and Hide ?” You asked.
“Are you jealous of our relationship ?” Shuu unnecessary added.
“Of course I'm not jealous ! How, why would I be, seeing you being dorks all the time doesn't interest me in the slightest.” She paused. “Do you still put things in each other's pockets ?”
You looked at Shuu who looked back at you then you both checked your pockets. You didn't remember putting anything in Shuu's pocket but you felt a little something in yours, beside your phone. You took it out and it appeared to be a kinder surprise toy. You both burst out laughing, you trying to stutter questions of where the hell this come from and why it was there but you were laughing too hard.
“Oh my god...” Touka added, defeated.
“So,” you tried saying after catching your breath, “are there any problems in your relationship with Hide ?”
“...No. He's a sweetheart.” Thank god she was finally talking about her feelings. “But we just don't have...weird couple things like you do. We're not that cuddly, we're-”
“There are as much different relationships than there are people.” Shuu cut. “You shouldn't have to worry about that, everyone has its own way to show their love.”
“That...was actually helpful.” Touka looked at him, surprised. “Thanks dickhead.”
Shuu giggled, saying that this was no way to thank someone and here you were, fondly looking at him because yeah, that's the man you married and you didn't regret it a single moment. You came back to your senses when Shuu added :
“You're just being a tsundere.”
“A what ?” She asked.
“You spend too much time on the internet.” You laughed, leaning on his shoulder even more.
“Dank memes bro”
“Oh my god.” You laughed even harder.
“What is this language ?” Touka seriously asked. “French ?”
Now you were both laughing and Touka was really confused and kept talking about how frustrating it is to hear you both speaking different languages – especially Shuu. She also requested serious answers but you couldn't stop laughing.
As time passed you eventually all got bored. Touka had set an alarm clock and was now constantly changing poses in the sofa trying to sleep. Shuu was done reading the book he brought and your head was laying on his lap. Boredom. Making you remember that time where it wouldn't stop snowing and when you discovered Touka and Hide were dating through texts and phone calls. You thought it would have been a great thing to talk about at the moment but really, what could you possibly add ? So you kept your mouth shut, trying to search another subject to talk about. You wondered how much time there was left but Touka had stopped moving, showing you her back. You figured she finally fell asleep, so you looked up at Shuu who was looking at the ceiling, in his thought. Having nothing else to do you took that kinder toy out of your pocket to look at it better. A smiling flower. So stupid. You noticed Shuu was moving a bit so you looked up and he was quietly laughing to himself, looked back at the toy then at you and you tried not to giggle as well.
“Where did the chocolate go ? Did you eat it ?” You whispered, trying not to laugh.
“I gave it to...” He tried keeping his voice low, silently laughing even more, he visibly had a hard time telling the rest of his fascinating story. “I gave it to Father. Oh the look on his face. He thought it was some fancy dyed meat.”
You both tried not to wake up Touka, giggling.
“He didn't smell anything wrong ?” You whispered.
“He had a rough day and was tired. I'm a terrible person.” He answered with an equally low voice. “The best part is that later during the evening, Kanae brought back a little yellow thingy I had no idea of. And he gave it to me like it was a really important relic because Father told him to do so. I immediately thought about the joke from earlier but the poor boy had no idea what was going on. When I opened it I laughed even harder when I saw that piece of shit flower.”
Okay, that was it, you both tried not to go hysterically laughing. Shuu was really close to everyone in the Tsukiyama house, especially with his father and it always warmed your heart.
“You idiots really can't sleep like any normal person would do, can you ?”
Now that Touka was awake, you both laughed out loud, how relieving. After catching your breath, you asked her :
“How many hours left ?”
“Two.” She answered after checking her phone. “Do you guys...” She paused. “...Wanna play Mario Kart ?”
“What ?! You have a Wii U and you didn't even tell us ? We could have escaped so much ennui !”
“Because you thought I was willing to play with you ?! But now that I'm awake because of you I don't wanna get bored anymore. So is it a yes or a no ?”
She was already standing up and switching on the TV and the Wii U, which left no room for choices. Shuu and you painfully stood up, stretched and yawned like old people. Walking to the gaming area, you noticed there wasn't any chairs.
“Where...Where do we sit ?” You asked.
“Hide and I usually sit on the floor like preschoolers.”
“Oh.”
“And I'm obviously keeping the gamepad.” She added while giving you the wiimotes.
As expected the floor wasn't as comfortable as the sofa but Shuu didn't seem to mind. Actually he looked like he was enjoying it, he had his “oh so that's what poor people do” face on. You did have a Wii U back at the mansion but you never found someone of your level. Both Shuu and you were equally skilled, Kanae didn't understand a thing of how to play and Chie was too...powerful. Actual Queen of Mario Kart. Now you were competing against Touka, and knowing her she might be good at this.
Suddenly a really, really tiny Hide Mii appeared on the screen, meaning that he owned the Wii. While Touka was typing the Nintendo Network password, you asked, smiling :
“Why is his Mii so...small ?”
“Oh that...was his idea. Both of our Mii are small.” She answered, blushing a bit.
“See ! You do have weird couple things like we do !” Shuu exclaimed.
“THAT....Is right.” She looked surprised yet relieved.
She was going to start the game when you cut :
“I like to play as myself.”
“Oh no.” Shuu facepalmed.
“What ? You wanna take the time to create your Mii here ? Just for one time ? You're so annoying.”
She started the Mii creator app and you smiled to yourself. Shuu looked at you with pity, but you really liked to play as yourself. Not that it was bothering Shuu. It's just that he knew what you were going to do next and he hated it.
The app loaded and there was more Mii than you expected.
“Who are all these people ?” You asked.
“Hide's favourite characters and bands.” She sighed heavily and pointed at one. “And here I am. Being tiny.”
“Smol.”
“Thanks for adding this, Shuu.”
After Touka pointing out your weirdness once again while handing yout the gamepad, you silently created your Mii. What made you like playing as yourself was the fact that you could make the Mii looked exactly like you, unlike someone. The closer you were to being done, the more Shuu was dying inside. You typed your name in and it was done. Touka broke the awkward silence she couldn't explain :
“So, I guess your shitty husband wants to make one too ?”
“YES HE DOES.”
“NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT.”
“What the fuck.” Touka tried to back off.
“NO NO NO KEN GIVE ME THIS”
As Shuu was fighting for the gamepad, you kept him away by showing your foot in his face and started the Mii creator again while maniacally laughing.
“Okay guys I have already told you how weird you can get but this is some spooky shit right here.”
Shuu was now lying on the floor. He gave up. You explained, laughing :
“We can't make any Mii look like him. We tried all the features, it never works and it's hilarious. Pas vrai mon amour ?”
Disgruntled noises. He sat down again, took the gamepad and started doing a failed Mii that looked nothing like him. He had to pick grey hair because there was no blue hair. His haircut was nonexistent in the features. At least he could make himself tall and purple. By the end of it he was already laughing at the awful creature he just made.
“There. Feel free to delete that anytime soon.” He painfully told Touka, laughing at his own despair and giving her the gamepad back.
“Oh I'm not.” She giggled, happy to have been able to witness such tragedy.
The game could finally begin. Every character was already unlocked, which wasn't surprising from Hide. You bet every features were unlocked as well. Touka and you picked your respective Mii, seemed like she enjoyed playing as herself too.
“I'm not self-centered like you, I picked my Mii because you both are gonna pick yours so might as well be part of it.” Wow, mind reading.
“I'm not gonna pick mine.” Shuu cut.
“Please ?” You begged.
He stayed silent so you leaned over him and started kissing his neck. He couldn't help but laughed and then picked the monstrosity.
“Please don't make out in my apartment.” She said while you all were picking your cars. “So, what track do you want ? Definitely not Sweet Sweet Canon, it's disgusting.”
“Yet we're making chocolates.”
“Not the same thing. Hide is more important than food...So what tracks do you want anyway ?”
“La nostalgie.”
“I really like th-”
Before even being able to tell your choice, Touka already chose Rainbow Road. The god damn Rainbow Road.
“Oh god.”
“Tu me déçois, Touka.”
“I'm actually good at this one.” She added, a smirk on her face.
Well, the recent Rainbow Road wasn't that hard, but you still fell from times to times. Especially whenever you tried going through these stars boost on the sides. There were also moving roads at some point which pissed Shuu off since every time he chose the right one, it switched. Oh god it's beginning. Countdown. No one failed their start, that was a first. There was a lot of barriers so no one falling either.
“My Mii...” Shuu started.
“Is trash, we know.” Touka cut, focusing on the TV screen. She was leading and you were impressed.
“...has a really awful voice.”
Yep. He got that gross low voice some male Mii have, which made you three trying not to laugh. Touka was first, you second and Shuu really behind because he complained every time his Mii said something.
The two hours passed quickly while you were playing funnier tracks with lots of slurs because god damn that NPC getting you with that blue shell every time, what a bitch. When the phone alarm rang, Touka and you looked at each other. Time to get anxious again. You got back in the kitchen – Shuu was back on the sofa – and looked at the mixture.
“Er, so I guess I'll still be reading ?”
“What, you prefer dealing with that ?” She pointed at the...food with her finger. It started smelling really awful and you didn't know if it was your ghoul nose or if it was stinking for real. “Don't complain, just help me.”
“Alright.” You took the book and searched where you paused at. “Shit.”
“What ? You forgot how to read ?”
“We missed a step. And an important one, I guess.”
“Oh no.”
“Before stirring in vanilla we had to drop the hot caramel in hot water so it will take the form a firm ball, like the book said.”
You looked at each other. Crap. You both looked back at the caramel.
“It explained why it looks like...”
“Little turds.” You added.
“Yes. I hope it doesn't taste like it, holy shit. We fucked up.”
“Well it still looks like bits of caramel, right ?” You reassured yourself. “I mean we let it rest. It got less hot so maybe it's not that bad ?”
Touka poked it with a spoon. Not really concluding, feels like consistent jelly.
“Oh my GOD why did you have to skip this part ? Couldn't you just, I DON'T KNOW, follow the recipe ?!” She got mad and she totally had the right. You fucked up.
“Need my help ?” Shuu suddenly walked in.
Oh no. He did so much but you still fucked up. You felt so bad and Touka was probably going to tell him. Maybe he was even going to get mad- Wait, no. Shuu is your husband. You know him. He won't get mad. This didn't matter at all. Touka was getting mad because it was her personality, but it wasn't the apocalypse. It could still be fixed and you bet it even tasted good ! Well, not to any of you, but why would it be otherwise ?
None of you didn't even have to tell him. Touka actually seemed to feel guilty too. When he saw the crappy caramel on the plate he immediately understood and burst out laughing, which made you laugh too and Touka blush :
“W-Why is our failure so funny ?!”
“Because you're still learning ! It's probably not that bad, just go on with what the recipe is telling before it gets too cold.”
Touka looked at him for a second and started mumbling things about being given orders while she was checking the recipe book and doing as told.
“Do...Do you still need me ?” You shyly asked.
“NO GO AWAY. BOTH OF YOU. NO MORE FAILURES.”
Shuu and you rushed in the corridor then the leaving room, giggling like middle school girls. You felt sorry though, if you didn't have skipped that part everything would have been fine. Shuu and you started cuddling on the sofa, since you were still in a good mood after everything that happened this afternoon and you needed comfort.
“You know...” Shuu started. “If you ever feel useless just think about me during the whole time, sitting on the sofa, searching for the toilets like a dumbass without any of you noticing, coming back to the sofa and reading.”
“Do you read minds ? That's exactly how I feel right now.”
“You feel like sitting on the sofa ?”
“No, it's closer to the dumbass searching for the toilets.”
You both laughed and cuddled a little more, hearing Touka getting frustrated in the kitchen.
“Do you think we should go back to help her ?” You asked.
“No, that will make her even angrier.”
He started kissing your face, fondling your back and you couldn't help but smile. You returned the favor by putting your lips against his. It felt like it had been forever, an afternoon without affection ? The horror ! Woah, tongue. You were making out. You both were touching each other's back underneath the clothes, yeah that was making out. And you loved french kissing, you were able to taste Shuu's scent. Your ghoul nose may not have been well developed he still smelled really good. You couldn't even imagine how Shuu was feeling on the subject since he was obsessed with your scent. Which was easily noticeable in bed. For some reasons, your left ear became sensitive at some point in your life and Shuu knew how to use it, like at the moment. Rubbing it made soft moans escape from your mouth, until-
“Woah there guys.”
Hide. Hide's voice. You both immediately stopped whatever this was going to be to look at the door entrance. He was back.
“Manly dudes making manly dude love.” He put his groceries on the floor and started removing his shoes, laughing to himself while you got off of each other and awkwardly sat, looking at the floor, blushing.
“Ah ! Hide ! I knew I heard you.” Touka walked in, smiling.
She looked at the both of you. Your hair was ruffled and your clothes had folds that weren't there before. Her smile faded.
“JESUS CHRIST GUYS.”
“No need to get mad.” Hide laughed. “I mean we-
“Don't stop me from yelling at them like jesus christ guys I cannot BELIEVE, I invite you in MY apartment-”
“vroom vroom” Shuu cut. Magnificent.
“W-What does this even mean...”
This was it. She was done. She sat on the sofa in front of you and stared at the floor trying to contain her anger while Hide was awkwardly standing, not knowing what to do.
“So, er, I did groceries.” He finally said. “It took time because I wanted to buy you some things. “
He handed the bags to Touka who looked inside, blushed and added :
“That's...really sweet.”
Now you also wanted to know what was in the bag. You wanted to know how good of a boyfriend your best friend was, but suddenly Shuu whispered in your ear, out of the blue :
“It's a kinder surprise.”
This didn't even make any sense but you still both had to hold your breath to avoid really loud laughter. Touka was going to get mad again but Hide cut :
“You don't have to be this mean with them. I mean look at how dorky they are. Plus, we did it on that same sofa, I can understand.”
Moment of silence. Shuu and you stopped laughing but let a huge smile grew on your faces while Touka's looked like a tomato.
“HIDE”
“Oops, I think I wasn't suppose to mention that ?” He scratched his face and blushed a bit.
Then, Shuu and you were both back to hysterical laughter while Touka was pushing you outside :
“GIT OUT”
“aw”
You then high fived Shuu for completing a meme. What an achievement.
Later during the evening, Hide texted you :
Hide : the chocolates were delicious :D
Hide : thanks for not letting her burn anything !!
You weren't gonna tell him you were almost useless, but you were glad the bad smell was definitely because of your ghoul nose and that your mistake didn't ruin the whole thing.
Hide : also I had a good laugh looking through the new mii
“Of course it had to happen. I'm sure they'll never delete it.” Shuu said, looking at the screen above your shoulder.
He then rolled on his other side in the bed, showing you his back and you hugged him from behind, smiling.
“Totally. It's gonna last forever.”