Chapter Text
It was just one grenade. One. And now he couldn’t see anything but shifting grayness and the occasional streak of red pain. He was sure he had fallen on some sort of pole that had impaled his side, but it felt like his senses had just... shut down. His memory struggled to recall his perfect, fool-proof plan.
Follow the man... Get the girl out of there... Question him... Kill him...
But what had been in that grenade?
“Iron sulfide, you dipshit, didn’t I tell you to keep it away from the acid?”
Dammit, Nishio. The voice of his weapon’s provider echoed in his clouded head, chasing away other thoughts. He gathered the blood in his mouth and spat, a sharp pain sparking on his tongue; he knew it didn’t go very far by the quick splat it made. He was near the ground, but his feet were touching air. His fingers twitched, sending pins and needles vibrating up his arms. It was starting to hurt to breathe.
The acrid scent of chemicals and blood weighed him down as if he were laying at the bottom of the ocean. Each shallow breath was a fresh wave of foul air into his lungs and through his body. He wanted to vomit, but he couldn’t remember what he had eaten, he couldn’t even feel his stomach.
At least I... killed that... officer, he thought, a painful smirk pulling at his lips. So this was how it ended; so this was his last kill.
“Hey!”
The darkness lightened. Was someone calling to him? Impossible. The voice sounded simultaneously very near and far away.
“Oh god, are you alright?”
Who else was around? Who else was hurt? No, it was just me; is someone talking to me?
“Uh, shit, um...” The voice sounded panicked and something tender and clammy touched his hand. Fingers. Skin. He forced his fingers to respond, to move, to cling to the warm, sweaty hand.
Sweaty?
“I’ll get you out of here, I’m a doctor. Well... sort of.”
Well that’s... reassuring, was the last thing he thought before slipping out of consciousness.
Kaneki awoke in a dark room.
Scratch that; the room wasn't dark, he just couldn't see anything.
“Fuck,” he cursed, bringing his hand to his face. He ran his fingers over his sleep-cracked eyes, sweaty nose, chapped mouth, through his oily hair, and down tense his neck. The only thing out of place was a bumpy line, skin that must have been corroded by the misplaced grenade. It stretched from his left cheekbone down to the corner of his mouth. The skin was taut, tender, and touching it made him wince.
“No no no!” a voice exclaimed as something crashed the floor -- a glass maybe? -- causing Kaneki to jump. Socked feet pounded over to him and warm hands grabbed his own, pulling them away from his face. “Don't touch that! It’s a chemical wound and you haven’t washed your hands.”
Kaneki’s eyes widened as he tried to make out the person before him, but all he could see were gray, blurry shapes.
The person, a man by the tone of his voice, sighed. “Jeez, I really can’t leave you alone for a minute, it almost got re-infected. Now hold still, I’m going to clean the wound, again, and apply the bandage.”
“How - ?” Kaneki started, but the person hissed at him.
“Sh! Moving your mouth makes this harder, wait until I’m done.”
So Kaneki reluctantly kept his lips still as the person dapped at the chemical burn with a wet cotton swab. A moment later there was a tearing sound of the person opening up a bandage package, but then he stopped and gave a surprised gasp.
“I know! Now that you’re awake you can take a bath and get all that dirt off you. You’ve got several other cuts and bruises too.”
Kaneki’s hand came to his stomach where he had been impaled.
“You’ll want to throw this bomb at least ten meters, otherwise you’ll get caught in the range and that’ll hurt. Then again, you’re such a crazy bastard I don’t expect you to listen to me.”
Yeah, well, fuck you, Nishio, he thought bitterly, forcing his hands to obey him and roll up his shirt where his fingers sought for the hole that should be in his stomach.
A hole that wasn’t there. All he found was a sweat- and disinfectant-soaked ace wrap.
“Oh, that should be cleaned as well,” the person added, reaching forward and unbuttoning Kaneki’s shirt. “That’s the worst one, but at least that’s bandaged and you didn’t touch it -- what did I just say about touching the burns?” The person sighed, but Kaneki could tell the man was smiling as he did. “Honestly, I’m surprised you’re even alive. By the way, I'm Hideyoshi, but you can call me Hide.”
“Kan...” He swallowed. “Kaneki.”
Hide worked the tattered shirt, one that had formerly been something of a dress shirt, off Kaneki’s weak shoulders. “Sorry that we’re meeting in such an awkward way. Say, what were you doing in the red light district, anyway? You weren’t exactly dressed for a, uh, fun night out, if you know what I mean.”
As Hide helped Kaneki to his feet, he contemplated his answer. I was out there to kill a man? I did kill a man? He was a military officer who shouldn’t’ve been an officer...
“Just... looking for someone,” Kaneki replied hoarsely as he was helped through the shadowy house, feet passing from cold wood to colder tile. Hide flicked a light switch and the shadows receded slightly.
“Did you find them?” Hide asked. “Also you’re light as a bag of feathers.”
Kaneki didn't have the energy to give a reaction. He was helped to sit on the toilet seat as Hide prepared the bath.
“Yes.”
Hide turned the silver faucet and waited for the hot water before plugging the drain. The almost too-loud sound of rushing water was a welcome disturbance to the silence between the two. As he waited, Hide looked at the man he had rescued; specifically the scars scattered across his body. It was clear Kaneki had been caught in some kind of chemical explosion, but the why had yet to be answered.
Other than the one currently hidden on his chest, the most prominent scar was the one on Kaneki’s cheek. It arched from his cheekbone down to his mouth. Several other, small, pink blotches dotted his skin, neck, and shoulders. Hide had treated each of them in turn, but the one on Kaneki’s chest still worried him. Whatever had caused the burn, it had torn away at the skin like acid.
The other question Hide had was about the man’s makeup. The horrific green lipstick looked like it had been applied by a toddler, and the dark eyeshadow around his eyes was like someone for halloween. To clean Kaneki’s facial wounds and for his own comfort, Hide had quickly washed away the makeup. With it gone, Hide supposed Kaneki could be considered handsome, with a soft featured face and sad, gray eyes. Even his white hair had an odd allure.
Hide jumped when he felt the hot water lapping at his hand slung idly over the bathtub rim. He quickly turned the water off and grinned at Kaneki, who still appeared to be unable to see. “Well, it’s time, let me remove that bandage.” I really ought to take him to the hospital. “It won't hurt, I promise. Though the water might sting a little. I think.” Really, really ought to...
Kaneki didn't move as Hide unwrapped the three ace bandages used to cover the wound. They fell away wet and slightly bloody. An acrid scent came to hover in the air; subtle, but there. Hide winced at the burn scar.
It blossomed across Kaneki’s chest like a bloody flower: the skin bubbled here and there, and where it didn't it had pulled tight, almost white. The center was the darkest, sporting some dried puss.
The hospital...
Hide helped Kaneki climb out of his remaining clothes and into the warm water. As soon as the water touched the scars Kaneki winced, a small cry of pain escaping his lips. His hands clung to Hide’s arms almost for dear life as he lowered himself in.
But I have no doubt he killed that other man.
The water felt nice, he supposed.
The tiny scars scattered across his body stung as they came in contact with the water, but after a minute or so the pain numbed and Kaneki was able to enjoy a cleansing bath.
Hide took the liberty of washing Kaneki’s back, shoulders, and arms -- as Kaneki himself hadn’t even the strength to keep his head straight. When it came to the scar on his chest, one he wished he could see, Hide dabbed at it gently with what felt like cotton. Still, the touch was enough to send spasms of pain out through Kaneki’s body. He jolted in the water, tears of pain pricking his eyes.
“Oh man, this reminds of the time I ran into a wall and chipped my tooth,” Hide started with a light tone, one hand firmly on Kaneki’s shoulder while the other returned to his chest. “I broke my front tooth right in half and it hurt like hell. I got an emergency appointment with the dentist on a Sunday and I kid you not, the guy tapped the broken tooth with cotton and I burst into tears. Apparently a nerve ending was showing, can you believe it?” Hide’s hands moved away. “There, all clean!”
Kaneki tentatively raised on hand out of the water to grope for Hide’s arm. When he found it, he held the dripping skin for a moment before choking out, “Can... can you wash m-... my hair?”
There was a pause then a burst of sunshine and warmth.
Is that his aura? Or am I just crazy?
“Of course I can!” Hide replied happily.
Perhaps not being able to see is a gift in disguise.
“I’ll have to be careful with shampoo, I’m pretty sure that shouldn’t get in your burns, but if I’m careful this’ll be a piece of cake!”
Kaneki nodded as he released Hide’s arm, returning his hand to the water. A moment later Hide’s hands were cupping water of Kaneki’s head. It turned out washing his hair was a long and delicate process, and by the time it had been rinsed the water was lukewarm.
“I had no idea you’re hair was black!” Hide was exclaiming as he helped Kaneki out of the tub and into a towel. “You used so much hairspray and dye I actually thought it was white.” He laughed. “Trying to fool someone?”
Even though Kaneki couldn’t see it, knowing the dye was washed out made him feel a little more relaxed, like he had less of a facade to keep up -- but what facade was there left? What facade had been there to begin with?
“Yes,” Kaneki replied quietly.
I was trying to fool myself.
Kaneki didn’t know the man’s name; all he knew was his story. In media cliches wasn’t it usually the other way around? Either way, that didn’t matter, Kaneki wasn’t killing for love or for vengeance or for practice.
He was killing because he liked too.
But this time it was a little more than that. Somehow, his target knew Touka who knew Nishio. Yoriko had gone missing a week ago and Touka was beside herself with worry. When the target’s name had come up, Touka had been speaking to Nishio about university applications a new neighbor.
“A military officer?”
“Yeah, he’s between duties. He knew my dad and came to pay his respects.”
“He sounds like a prick. Your dad’s been dead for years.”
“Shut up, idiot Nishiki, you never payed respects.”
“I never knew the guy!”
And then Yoriko had gone missing. Touka went to Kaneki, Kaneki went to Nishio.
“Yeah, she told me about that dickhead. He came to ‘visit the college’ because his ‘daughter’ had gone there. All he did was try to peek up girl’s skirts -- I’m telling you, keep away from him.”
“He was... already part of my weekend.”
“...You can’t be serious.”
“If he’s taken Yoriko, chances are he’s taken other girls.”
“So revenge killing on other’s behalf is part of your personality now? I never took you as the righteous type.”
Kaneki sought more information. He spoke to Uta, an aloof man who seemed to know everything that went on in the city. Uta gave him a tip that the officer would be in the red light district in two nights.
Making plans was easy, it had always been easy. Whether it was shop lifting a general store to murdering the heiress of a corporation, his plans were always perfect. Nothing ever went wrong. Even with two days to plan, Kaneki knew everything would be executed perfectly.
“Everything’s already perfect, why do you need this?”
“Help me out, Nishio, this man needs to die as horrifically as possible.”
“All he did was rape a few girls, let the police deal with it.”
Kaneki’s hand slammed the table. With his other, he grabbed Nishio’s collar and dragged the other man’s face closer to his. “All he did? That’s exactly why he needs to die.”
Nishio was silent for a minute before relenting. “Fine, I get it. To be honest I want this douchebag gone, too, before he goes after Kimi. Now do you want to see what I have or not?”
Kaneki released the other man, who stood and straightened his shirt. “I’ve been working on a new kind of grenade, one that deals a little more damage than a normal one. It’s got chemicals, so be careful. You’ll want to throw this bomb at least ten meters, otherwise you’ll get caught in the range and that’ll hurt. Then again, you’re such a crazy bastard I don’t expect you to listen to me.”
He followed Nishio to the back room. “Congratulations, you get to see my study.”
“How often do you have sex in here?”
“Not often enough.” Nishio laughed as he bent over materials scattered across a stone counter. “Here hold this.” He passed a silver rod thinner than a pencil and no longer than his pinkie finger to Kaneki. “It’s highly reactive so keep it away from the - ”
“What’s the green stuff?” Kaneki interrupted, moving closer to a heated beaker. The rod in his fingers warmed unexpectedly and he dropped it in surprise. It ting-ed on the cement floor. “What was that?”
“Iron sulfide, you dipshit, didn’t I tell you to keep it away from the acid?”
“No, you didn’t.”
“You didn’t give me a chance to!”
Two days passed quickly. As the night drew nearer, Kaneki’s heart raced at the thought of avenging Touka’s friend. Like Kaneki, Touka saw herself as a monster, making Yoriko a very dear friend, someone who saw Touka as a real person.
I might need someone like that, Kaneki thought as he stepped into his small, apartment bathroom and grabbed the tube of white hair-paint. Squeezing a generous amount into his hand, he lathered it and spread it all through his scalp. The dye easily hid his natural, black hair. The spots that needed touching up were easily taken care of with hair-spray.
Once finished, Kaneki always felt different. Even just like this, the costume uncompleted, Kaneki was no longer Kaneki.
Who was he?
The makeup finished the transformation. Baby powder paled his skin, green lipstick not only covered his lips but also drew a deformed smile up to his cheekbones, and what once might have been woman’s eyeshadow was now racoon-looking markings around his eyes.
The others might know what he did, but only Uta -- who had helped him device the disguise -- knew that Kaneki wasn’t Kaneki when he killed.
The night was warm and humid. Almost immediately sweat began beading on his back and neck; his shirt soon clung to his skin. His pockets felt heavy with the two grenades he carried and the handgun in the back of his pants.
He had bought his current apartment intentionally near the red light district, since many of the ones he enjoyed killing spent evenings down those streets. Luring a target into an alley with the promise of love and a night of forgotten problems was almost too easy. More often than not, people seemed drawn to Kaneki’s angel-white hair and lips of envy.
The officer was where he was supposed to be. A meaty arm was secured around the waist of a young girl. Her hairspray was drying out in the night, leaving strands of blonde hair to stick up. Her midnight blue dress just covered breasts she didn’t have. Kaneki wondered what had made her decide to come out here?
He followed the couple. The officer, dressed out of uniform but wearing a couple medals to add to what little lure he had, dragged the young girl around a corner and down a couple more alleys. The noise of the night city dulled and to avoid suspicion, Kaneki focused on softening his footsteps.
Cigarette smoke, beer, wine, powdery drugs, cheap perfume, gasoline, feces, other bodily fluids; these poisonous scents hung in the air like sinful, fallen stars. Kaneki wrinkled his nose in distaste and thought of how blood would mix with these scents. In his mind, blood was a harmonious element that complimented everything, be it mixed with cigar smoke curling from meaty lips to the color dripping down the old brick walls.
At last the couple stopped in a dead end alley. Kaneki knelt against a half-closed doorway to appear like nothing more than a drunk beggar, waiting for the moment to strike. He closed his ears to the sounds coming from the couple and the steady beat of music from the building at his back as he reviewed his plan one last time.
Follow the man... Get the girl out of there... Question him... Kill him...
He was certain: nothing could go wrong.
He stood from his hiding spot and started towards the couple. The officer immediately noticed him and he turned an irritated face to the approaching man, zipping his pants to retain what little dignity he had left.
“You lost, boy? Scram.”
A smile tugged at Kaneki’s lips. Without hesitating, he withdrew the first grenade, pulled the pin, and threw. The couple’s eyes followed its arching path before it exploded on the opposite wall, out of harm’s way.
The explosion was something to be marveled at. There was little sound, only a hissing noise as the acid peeled away the wall’s graffiti and destroyed the metal shell of a lamp post. The main light source flickered before keeling over, crashing against the opposite wall, plunging the alley way into momentary darkness before the people’s eyes adjusted to the faint light spilling from windows and the skyglow above.
The girl screamed in terror a second later, the fear of the situation seeming to finally catch up to her. The officer’s grip weakened and she wrenched herself free, making to scramble away. As she passed, Kaneki grabbed her arm.
“Tell no one of me,” he hissed. She whimpered and nodded before bolting out of the alley, hopefully back home. Alone with his target, Kaneki let a grin spread across his face. He locked eyes with the officer, who gazed at him with a mix of anger and fear.
“Who the fuck are you?!” he demanded, instinctively reaching to his belt for a gun that wasn’t there. It only made Kaneki smile more.
“Only the last person you’ll ever see, hope you enjoyed your last fuck.” He chuckled. “Looking for one of these?” His hand slipped behind him and withdrew the 22 semi automatic pistol. “I brought this just for you.” He tossed the gun to the officer. It skidded near his feet and the large man groped for it gracelessly. Once he had it, he raised it with a practice hand. Kaneki laughed.
“I will shoot you!” he shouted, voice strong.
“You trust the gun your killer gave you?” Kaneki walked forward fearlessly. The officer’s arm twitched and he pulled the trigger. Nothing. He pulled the trigger four more times with still no bullet. The gun tumbled from his grasp and he started backing up.
“Y-you want something? Money? Girls? I can get you anything you want!”
“I don’t want your deals,” Kaneki spat, kneeling down the pick up the gun. He held the barrel to his temple, a teasing smile on his lips. “Want to see where the last bullet is?” He pulled the trigger. Still nothing. He laughed. “Now where could it be?” He dropped the gun and in a fluid motion ran his straightened fingers into the officer’s shoulder, going in about half an inch. The officer screamed in pain. Kaneki removed his hand, and between his pointer and middle fingers was a bullet. “Oh, there it is.” He flicked it behind him.
The officer’s hand clamped over his wounded shoulder. “You... you bastard.”
Kaneki reached into his pocket and withdrew the second grenade, something no bigger than his palm. “I’ve got a special surprise for you if you can answer this question correctly: where are the girls you kidnapped?”
“I - I don’t know what y-you’re talking about!”
“You don’t?” Kaneki’s finger teased the grenade’s pin. “You’re sure about that?”
“I’m sure! I’m sure!”
His words grated on Kaneki’s ears. He was a liar. The smile fell from Kaneki’s face as his anger took over. His knee shot out and slammed into the officer’s abdomen. The man’s knees buckled and Kaneki planted a hand firmly on the officer’s shoulder to keep him down, his nails digging into the man’s jacket.
“Surprisingly, I don’t believe you.”
He pulled the pin with his teeth and slammed the grenade into the officer’s mouth, breaking some teeth from the strength. The man screamed as the grenade was shoved down his throat, his tongue fighting it. As he writhed, Kaneki stepped back, and realized what he had done.
But he realized too late. The grenade exploded, destroying the man. The only things still intact was an arm, his legs, and his lower intestines. Blood exploded against the walls like a popped balloon; bones shattered; organs and appendages turned to jelly.
Searing heat slammed into Kaneki’s chest and he fell backwards, face, neck, and hands prickling with pain. Blood bubbled up into his mouth from biting his tongue and the world turned dark.
“Iron sulfide, you dipshit, didn’t I tell you to keep it away from the acid?” Dammit, Nishio. At least I... killed that... officer. “Hey!” “Oh god, are you alright?” No, it was just me; is someone talking to me? “Uh, shit, um...” “I’ll get you out of here, I’m a doctor. Well... sort of.” Well that’s... reassuring.