Archive of Our Own

You can only blame your problems on the world for so long
Before it all becomes the same old song
As soon as we hit the hospital I know we're gonna leave this town
And get new passports and get, get, get, get, get out now"

The (Shipped) Gold Standard - Fall Out Boy

The sky is a dismal, muted grey as they drive through the desolate streets on a frigid December morning, just before dawn breaks.  The interior of the sleek black vehicle is completely silent, the only sound comes from the wheels as they slice through various puddles as they make their way down the road.

Guan Shan fights the urge to grimace at his reflection as it stares back at him from the pristine pane of glass.  He looks dreadful and he feels even worse.  Most people wouldn't feel their stomach drop when 'Unknown Number' showed up on their caller ID but most people didn't have a lover involved in morally dubious and illegal business.  Most people didn't have to worry about whether or not their loved one would come home at night, if ever.

Unfortunately, that is the reality for Guan Shan and the last time he received a call from an unknown number it was the worst case scenario, his darkest nightmare realized – He Tian had been injured on the job and it was potentially fatal.  It had been a gunshot wound to his abdomen and at the time the surgeon hadn't been sure that he would survive but after an agonizingly long surgery and a blood transfusion, He Tian had miraculously manged to make a full recovery.  Guan Shan used to curse Tian's obnoxiously good luck, now he considers it the idiots greatest blessing.

Guan Shan had been relieved and infuriated at the time;  he wanted to hold He Tian close and slap him across the face.  He couldn't seem to find a way to reconcile the two feelings but with time, he found himself forgiving He Tian with the promise that it wouldn't happen again.

Guan Shan was no fool, he knew damn well it was a promise that held no weight.  He Tian had no more control over fate than any other man but he wanted to believe that this was a misfortune they would never have to live through again.  And yet, here he was, in the same position just a few months later.  A little after 3AM this morning he received the second call from an unknown number but this time he had received no information on He Tian's current condition despite his frantic requests for clarification which were accompanied by some seriously creative curses and threats of violence.  All he wanted was some sort of assurance that the other man was at least alive.

The mystery caller had only instructed him to be ready in thirty minutes and that a car would be collecting him to deliver him to an undisclosed location where he would receive further details.  That gave him some hope, he was reasonably sure that they wouldn't just drop him off at the fucking morgue to identify He Tian's body.  With seemingly no other option he conceded and now he was being transported to said undisclosed location with his stomach in ropes and a cold sweat dripping down his back.

Only after they had been traveling for a little over an hour did Guan Shan realize how exceptionally stupid it was of him to readily agree to this.  For all he knew this had nothing at all to do with He Tian.  It could just be some intricate scheme by a rival syndicate to use him as leverage for a business deal but it was a bit too late to concern himself with that now.

The thought didn't fill him with intense dread the way it once would.  Guan Shan was perfectly capable of defending himself at this point. He Tian made it a point, his own personal mission, to be sure that Guan Shan would always be able to defend himself should the situation arise.  Tian knew that Guan Shan's mere affiliation to him would make him a target and he wanted to minimize as much risk as possible.  Guan Shan didn't argue and actually invited the opportunity to learn self defense.

He was no longer the powerless boy he had been in his youth and the heavy weight at his hip reminded him of that fact.

It wasn't much longer before they pulled into the parking lot of what appeared to be an old, derelict apartment building.  Guan Shan quirked a strawberry blonde brow at the location, it was certainly different from He Tian's usual opulent choices but he still didn't know the details of his partners current condition.  Perhaps He Tian was in no position to choose in the first place.

The thought makes him shudder.

Cutting the engine, the driver pulls a key chain with a single brass colored key from the breast pocket of his suit jacket.

“Unit thirteen,”  He says plainly and at this point Guan Shan knows better than to try to prod for any further detail.  He's out of patience anyway. He takes the key without a word, opens the car door and kicks it shut for good measure, satisfied to see the solid dent he leaves in the frame.  Maybe the bastard will think twice about being so goddamn cryptic next time.

The complex is small, maybe twenty units total and it reminds him of the small apartment that he and his mother used to share.  The peeling paint on the window frames and cracks in the foundation make his skin crawl.  It's sickening that the body keeps the score, that just a simple similarity in environment can spark an actual physical reaction in him.

He does his best to shake off the purposeless discomfort, neither he nor his mother occupy that space anymore and for that he is grateful.  Guan Shan hated that space, filled with bitter memories and feelings of contempt for a life he had felt damned to lead.

Still, he kept moving forward, in spite of those hardships until he eventually graduated high school and continued on a path of higher education, much to his mother's excitement.  His decision to continue with school was as much a surprise to him as it was to her but with He Tian investing so much into their future, it felt wrong of him to sit around and just wait.  As he was looking for work to support himself, an old “family friend” had reached out and offered him a job in the kitchen at his restaurant.  At first, Guan Shan had wanted to decline the position. He didn't want to be some low level dishwasher but after visiting the kitchen and seeing that it wasn't some sketchy business but an actual fine dining establishment he had felt something akin to hunger spark in his chest.  The position had him actually helping with kitchen prep and assisting the chefs, he loved the work.  It turned out to be a rather lucrative endeavor for a fledgling college kid with room for growth.  He was able to make good money, enough to support himself and get a place of his own.

To this day, Guan Shan isn't entirely sure how the man knows his family but he suspects that he is actually a former business associate of his fathers.  Perhaps he felt some duty to look after Guan Shan and his mother due to his father's incarceration.  If that were the case, he took his goddamn time because they struggled for years before Guan Shan landed that job.

He realizes that he's allowing his mind to wander to distract himself from the potential horror he's about to encounter.  He hesitates at the door for a moment before he knocks.  As soon as he does he reflects on how stupid that was, he has the fucking key in his hand and why the fuck would he need an invitation anyway?

Frustrated with his own reluctance he unlocks the door and steps inside, shoes immediately squeaking against the cheap, cracked linoleum in the foyer.

“He Tian?”  He calls, his voice sounding surprisingly level considering the way his pulse is pounding.

His heart sinks when he receives no reply.  A few steps and he's made his way across the length of the living room and looks into the bedroom.  It's empty.

The bathroom is the final option so he wastes no time and opens the door to find the room humid and damp.  Steam rises from the water in the bathtub and there, beneath the surface, is He Tian.

Panic grips him by throat for a few heartbeats before He Tian rises, breaking the surface of the water he takes a deep breath and runs his hand across his face before he opens his eyes.

“Moron.”  Guan Shan grumbles and it irritates him that He Tian doesn't so much as jump at his presence.  It's almost as if he already knew Guan Shan was there.

He Tian pushes his wet hair back from his forehead and Guan Shan swallows harshly.  He hates that He Tian can be so naturally alluring with absolutely no effort.  He's always been fond of He Tian keeping his hair out of his face, ever since he saw it for the first time at that ridiculous school play they did back in middle school.  Now isn't the time to appreciate his lovers good looks, he can't allow himself to be distracted.

He's pissed.

“What is it this time?  Another gunshot?  A stab wound?  Is this a fucking game to you, He Tian?”  He questions, voice raising with every word.  “That stupid bastard you sent to me wouldn't tell me anything and I know that was by your own command.  What the fuck are you smiling about?!”

Instead of answering the questions like an adult,  He Tian makes the childish decision to splash Guan Shan.  As the warm water hits Guan Shan's face and cascades down the front of his shirt he's certain that He Tian must have a death wish and he is determined to meet his end by Guan Shan's own hands.

That could be arranged.

Guan Shan strips his shirt from his body and tosses it across the room, hell bent on drowning his obnoxious boyfriend but he stops short when his gaze falls on the black and blue peppering He Tian's abdomen.  Between that and the genuine joy on the other man's face, his anger doesn't stand a chance.  Guan Shan grabs the folding chair from the corner and takes a seat.  He lets his frustration, annoyance and panic dissipate as the feelings are carried away by the sound of He Tian's laughter.

After a moment of silence Guan Shan notices the tiny red boat floating on the waters surface.  He doesn't know how he failed to notice it before.  “You still play with toys when you take your bath?”  Guan Shan quips, genuinely amused at the novelty.

He Tian snorts and then groans, the laughter clearly agitating his injuries.  He scoops the boat up in his open hand and holds it out to Guan Shan.  Guan Shan eyes it skeptically but eventually holds out his own hand, palm up, and He Tian deposits the toy for Guan Shan's inspection.

Right away Guan Shan notices that the boat is heavier than it should be.  The construction feels far too sturdy for the material it's made of.  He had been under the impression that it was just some origami piece that He Tian built in his boredom during his recovery but it seems it serves another purpose.  Curiosity gets the better of him he starts to unfold the layers briefly feeling guilty for destroying the beauty that He Tian's hands had crafted. Tucked inside the folds are two ID's, one with Tian's picture and the other has his. Nothing unusual at first glance but then he notices the names, the identification cards bear their images but not their real names.

Brow furrowing, Guan Shan looks up to He Tian and lets his inquisitive stare do the talking.

He Tian's expression is serious and dread settles sick and heavy in his gut.  Were they going to have to take even more security measures?  He's already so exhausted by the hoops they have to jump through now.  They barely see each other because He Tian is so concerned for Guan Shan's safety.  His thoughts begin to spiral but he stops when He Tian finally decides to explain.

“I'm out,”  He Tian tells him, features softening by a fraction.  “We're out.”

Guan Shan glances down at the cards again then back up to He Tian as his panic fatigued brain finally catches up.  It's over.  He Tian has somehow found a way out from under his overbearing father's thumb and they can move forward with their own lives, together.  Guan Shan leans forward, weight pressing on Tian's arm as his own hand dips beneath the surface of the warm water.  His fingers skim the soft skin of He Tian's side but the other man doesn't flinch. He holds Guan Shan's gaze and it nearly feels like a challenge.  As if He Tian is asking him,  'Will you come with me?'

Stupid chicken dick, like he even has to ask at this point.

“Does this mean I won't have to find you half dead in a hotel room anymore?”

He Tian grins, his perfect teeth shining beneath the harsh florescent lighting.  “Never again.  I promise.”

A heavy weight seems to lift from Guan Shan's shoulders and the feeling is so palpable, so tangible that he feels himself actually sitting up straighter.  Now they can live a life without looking over their shoulders, always worried about their sordid past biting at their heels.

His chest swells with appreciation and affection for the man sitting in front of him.  Guan Shan thinks about all the sacrifices He Tian has had to make, all the pain, fear and suffering he has surely endured but never talks about.  And he did it all for the sake of their future.  Guan Shan feels like any contributions he has made pale in comparison but he knows He Tian doesn't view it that way.  He Tian has never seen him as anything but an equal.

He runs his hand up He Tian's side, across his chest and continues his travel up the length of his throat.  A satisfied rumble vibrates from He Tian's chest as he goes to lean his head back but Guan Shan moves, grabbing a fistful of hair at the base of his lovers skull to stop his retreat and pulls him close.

Their lips meet none too gently but that doesn't seem to bother He Tian as he readily moans into Guan Shan's mouth when he forces his tongue inside.  Guan Shan wishes he could be more gentle and he knows he should be but he's overwhelmed with emotion.  He's frustrated yet elated and he doesn't know how to make sense of any of it.  Everything is so intense and bewildering because for the first time since they met all those years ago they are free, truly free to focus on their own future with no outside influence or demand.  The infinite possibility is as crushing as it is liberating.

Before he realizes it Guan Shan is halfway in the tub, his entire upper body pressed tight against He Tian and Tian is doing just about all he can to pull him in completely but one of them has to have enough sense not to cause any further duress to He Tian's injuries.  It's difficult but he eventually manages to wrestle himself from He Tian's hold.  Tian's hair is wet and tousled, his cheeks pink from the heat of the room and their recent activities.  He looks goddamn mouthwatering but trying to fuck around in a slippery bathtub doesn't seem like the most wise decision.

Fuck. He needs to get a grip and stop letting himself get riled up by He Tian at every turn.

He steers his brain away from his more lurid thoughts and towards more practical ones.

“Have you just been sitting in the tub like a damn toddler or have you actually washed up yet?  You planning to spend the whole day in there?”

The mischievous sparkle has not yet faded from Tian's eyes so Guan Shan knows he will need to proceed with caution.  “I haven't washed my hair yet.”  Tian answers, his voice taking on a sleepy, dreamy quality and Guan Shan ignores the way his pulse spikes in response.

It's obvious that He Tian is turned on and Guan Shan's position is no different but he is not going to give in. Once He Tian is all cleaned up and in the bedroom where neither one of them risks slipping and cracking their skulls, then maybe he'll be a bit more indulgent.

Still, Guan Shan has to admit that after the kiss he finds himself feeling more forgiving so he decides He Tian deserves a little mercy and kindness.

“I'll do it.”  He announces simply and He Tian perks up immediately at the offer.  Guan Shan knows that Tian loves having his hair played with and it's so rare that they are able to spend time together like this.  Always the opportunist, He Tian wastes no time as he wets his hair, passes the bottle of shampoo to Guan Shan and sinks down into the tub so that Guan Shan has easier access.

Guan Shan smirks, the expression hidden from his lover.  He adores moments like these, when He Tian is obedient and pliable.  His energy can be rather overbearing at times so he savors the rare opportunities when he can be the one in control.

He wants to compliment He Tian's good behavior but he knows it will only have the opposite effect so he keeps his mouth shut.  He squeezes a generous amount of shampoo into the palm of his hand before he works it into a rich lather, reveling in the soft feeling of He Tian's hair.  He Tian is a gorgeous man, there's no denying it, and his hair is no exception.  Guan Shan cards his nimble fingers through He Tian's hair as he rinses the suds from the inky black strands.  As the water begins to run clear he allows himself a moment of tenderness and drops a soft kiss to the muscular shoulder in front of him and whispers a quiet,  “I love you,”  into the crook of Tian's neck.

He's grateful to feel the warmth of He Tian's skin beneath his lips and he fights against the tears brimming in his eyes because he cherishes this human so much, above all else.  They've fought so hard to get to this point in their lives. It's nice to feel like they have finally reached their victory after so much loss.

He Tian takes him by surprise by laughing,  “You think you might be able to tell me that just once when you think my life isn't in danger?”

Guan Shan very nearly argues with that because he knows He Tian's life isn't in danger now but why argue?  Why is his first instinct to feel defensive about caring for his boyfriend?  He can't deny that he's struggled with being honest about his more tender feelings and verbalizing them has been one of his greatest challenges but He Tian has always masterfully worked around that.  He doesn't know why he has difficulty vocalizing his love for He Tian. Perhaps it's because he had spent so long in denial about those feelings and what they meant.  Or maybe he's always been worried that if he loves someone he risks losing them, like with his father.  Still, He Tian deserves to hear that he's loved without having to drag it out of him.

“You're so fucking needy.”  Guan Shan responds but he already knows that he's going to be better about telling He Tian.  He grips Tian by the chin and tilts his lovers face until he can meet his lips.   He's determined to tell He Tian every morning how much he loves him, for the rest of their lives now that the rest of their lives are finally within their reach.