Chapter Text
In the backseat, I don’t wanna talk, I’m fine
In a way I don’t wanna be here, I just wanna ride
And my two friends are laughing ‘bout the people that we know
In the backseat, my head is heavy out the window
And they say, get on with it and list all the things I know
But I don’t wanna miss the lights and the radio
The familiar tune reverberates around Charlie’s mind, scratching an itch deep below the surface of his skin, accompanied by the synthesised crashing of his own drums in his other ear, drowning out the house music pounding through the thin walls from the flat next door. Charlie’s honestly surprised no one’s made a noise complaint, but then again, this is London – the police probably have bigger issues to worry about than a random student house party.
His phone buzzes in his pocket, and Charlii Adams quickly fades out in favour of an obnoxious ringtone he keeps forgetting to change. Charlie winces and yanks out the earphone connected to his phone, before reluctantly swiping up to accept the videocall.
“What?” he says, more bluntly than he intended, and a shriek of tipsy laughter greets him as Tao’s face comes into view, poorly lit by a half-dead streetlamp.
“The club was dead, we’re going to All Bar One round the corner.” He’s probably a couple of drinks in at this point, and his voice as taken on a breathless, excitable quality. “Oh, Elle and Aled are here too!”
“You convinced Aled to go to a club?” Charlie says in disbelief. Aled’s even more of a homebody than him.
At the mention of his name, Aled’s round face appears on the screen beside Tao’s. “I didn’t go the club,” he pipes up in his gentle voice. “But I was up and out, so I’m going for a drink. Just one,” he adds more sternly, and Tao grins mischievously.
“Come on, Charlie,” Elle says, shunting Aled out of the shot so she can be onscreen. “Come with us, it’ll be just like old times!”
“We literally went out two days ago,” he says, nonplussed. “Besides, it’s midnight.”
“Yeah, and what are you doing?” Tao interjects. “Playing drums in the flat by yourself?”
“Make good choices,” Charlie replies, ignoring him. “And don’t wake me up when you get back, I have to study in the morning.” He hangs up without waiting for a response, gets up from his drum stool and crawls into bed, having completely lost motivation to make any music.
He lies there for a few minutes, trying to identify the song blaring out of the speakers on the other side of the wall – he thinks it’s by The Weeknd, but the bass is so strong that it could be a volcanic eruption recorded on a GoPro and he wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. He sighs and pulls his pillow over his head, hoping to get in a couple of hours of fitful sleep before Aled comes back and inevitably wakes him up by knocking something over.
As student housing goes, it could be worse: it’s the attic of an old Kingston townhouse, converted hastily into a two-bedroom flat when prices in the borough skyrocketed a few years ago and the student population doubled.
It’s in reasonable shape despite the rushed conversion, and it’s pretty well-situated for all three of their respective universities, but London prices and pitiful student maintenance loans meant they could only scrape together enough for two bedrooms between the three of them. Charlie and Aled graciously volunteered to share the larger room, so that Elle could stay over with Tao if she wanted to when she visited from Reading, where she was accepted onto a modern arts course after a year working to save up for a car.
Charlie’s quite relieved that he ended up sharing a room with Aled: he’s tidy, quiet and respectful of Charlie’s space. He does, however, turn into something of a klutz when he’s had a drink or two, so Charlie tends to put anything breakable out of reach when he knows Aled’s been out for the evening. Tao, by contrast, just gets even louder when he’s drunk, so Charlie closes his eyes knowing full well the next sound he hears will be Tao complaining that he forgot to put the leftovers from his Chinese takeaway in the fridge before he went out.
He's barely shut his eyes when he hears them crashing back in, and groans inwardly as they pile into the bedroom. Aled and Elle collapse onto the other bed, but Tao shamelessly pulls back Charlie’s duvet and climbs into bed with him.
“Piss off,” Charlie grumbles. “I thought you were going to a bar?”
“We came home instead,” Tao says, quite unnecessarily. Charlie sleepily puts a hand over his mouth in an effort to get him to talk more quietly, but pulls it away with a yelp when Tao licks his hand, giggling like a seven-year-old.
“We thought you might be lonely,” Aled says earnestly.
“I’m not lonely,” Charlie replies, a little too quickly.
“Babe, you’re home alone on a Saturday night, drumming by yourself,” Tao says, and Charlie wrinkles his nose.
“Don’t call me babe,” Charlie says, wrinkling his nose. Tao bursts into giggles again, and Elle puts her head in her hands in despair. “Besides, that doesn’t mean I’m lonely.”
“And a sore throat doesn’t mean you have glandular, but it is a symptom,” Elle pipes up, entirely unhelpfully, and Charlie looks at her in disbelief.
“Et tu, brute?” Tao is rummaging around under the duvet, and Charlie’s eyes widen in alarm. “What are you doing?” he demands, but suddenly his phone is in Tao’s hand, and just as suddenly, it’s unlocked, and Tao throws it across the room to Elle. “Hey!”
“We’re setting you up with a dating profile,” Elle says, and Tao clings to Charlie like a koala in an effort to keep him on the bed.
“Yeah,” Tao says, his voice indistinct as he tries to pin Charlie down. “It’s about time you put yourself out there.”
“No. No!” Charlie insists, struggling against Tao’s surprisingly strong grip. “Absolutely not. I don’t want a boyfriend right now! Just because you two have each other,” he says, finally breaking free and glaring at Tao and Elle, before turning to Aled, “and you’ve got Daniel, doesn’t mean I need pairing off with someone!”
“Charlie, you were literally complaining two weeks ago that you were tired of being single,” Elle says with an incredulous laugh. “Remember? We went back to Truham for Lunar New Year, and you got pissed at Tao’s house and complained about how much you wanted a boyfriend.”
“Everyone says stupid shit when they’re drunk,” Charlie ventures, but he realises he’s lost any moral high ground in this fight, and clearly the others do too, because they share a knowing look. “Okay, sure, I said that, but that doesn’t mean I need you setting me up with a serial killer on the internet. Now go away, I’m tired.”
Tao tries to argue, but Charlie more or less kicks him out of the bed, and he troops out of the room behind Elle, who hands Charlie his phone back on her way out.
“Sorry,” Aled says sheepishly once they’re gone. “Honestly I didn’t think it was a great idea at first, I just got… caught up. You know what Tao’s like when he sets his mind to something.”
Charlie hums in acknowledgement. “It’s okay. You meant well.”
Aled hesitates before speaking again. “You will find someone, though,” he says encouragingly. “You’re nice, and funny, and pretty. Any guy would be lucky to have you.”
“You flirting with me, Last?” Charlie teases, and Aled shakes his head, his smile slightly flushed in embarrassment.
“Just saying it how it is.” He pulls some pyjamas from under his pillow and heads to the door. “I’m gonna go and change.”
“Alright. Good night,” Charlie says, feeling much less peeved than before.
“’Night, Charlie.”
The door clicks shut, and Charlie tugs off his jumper, holding onto the hem of his t-shirt underneath, even though he’s alone. He swaps out his pyjama trousers for a pair of looser shorts and climbs back into bed, wrinkling his nose at the lingering scent of tequila and second-hand cigarette smoke Tao left behind. He flips his pillow with a sigh and collapses onto it, his eyes already flickering shut.
When he wakes, the morning sunlight is already gently illuminating the room, barely contained by the cheap curtains. The silence is punctuated by occasional soft snores from Aled’s bed, and the ticking of his imitation-antique alarm clock. Charlie sighs and rolls over, reaching for his phone, and thumbs mindlessly through his close friends’ Instagram stories from last night. He hears movement from the big room next door, and decides to go and see who’s up.
The ‘big room’, as they jokingly call it, is their thirty-square-metre shared space, comprising a tiny kitchen, with an IKEA sofa and some armchairs (courtesy of Tao’s mum), squeezed together around a little television stand. It is, admittedly, not an ideal setup: for one thing, there’s only about two feet of space between the back of the sofa and the kitchen counter, which is en-route to the front door, so if someone’s cooking, no one can leave.
Charlie initially fought against the idea of a second armchair for the sake of a fraction more space, given that the sofa is technically big enough for three, but Tao put his foot down, citing the need to be able to accommodate company, and have a choice of seats. Since then, Charlie’s got his own back by filling every available nook and corner with books and pictures and silly ornaments he’s found in charity shops. He knows the clutter drives Tao insane, so it works as a compromise, and an unspoken truce.
Padding through in his pyjamas and a pair of socks, he finds Elle pouring hot water into two mugs, and she smiles when she notices him.
“Morning,” she says cheerfully. Elle’s always been a morning person, and was forever the first one awake at sleepovers, ‘accidentally’ dropping things to get the others up because she was bored.
“Hey.” Charlie’s voice is low and rough from sleep.
“There’s enough water if you want coffee.” He nods after a moment’s thought, and joins her at the kitchen counter, spooning instant coffee and sugar into a mug. “Hey, so, um,” she begins, and Charlie’s guard is immediately up. “In light of what you said last night, there’s probably something you should know.”
“What?” He eyes her apprehensively as he retreats to one of the armchairs, curling his feet up underneath him.
“When Tao said – ” She checks herself. “When we said we were going to make you a dating profile, what we meant was that we were going to install it on your phone.”
“I’m not following you.”
“We made it a couple of days ago,” Elle goes on, her cheeks a little flushed with embarrassment. “It was Tao’s idea, and we were pretty drunk at the time. We set it up on his phone, used some of your Instagram pictures, and then spent half an hour ‘liking’ everyone who came up so you could filter by who you actually liked.”
Charlie takes a moment to process this. “What the actual fuck?”
“It seemed like a good idea at the time,” Elle says desperately. “But we wanted to save you the stress of having to set it up yourself, or choosing which photos you like, or agonising over whether to like someone or not.”
“And this was Tao’s idea?”
“Mostly.”
“Did Aled know?” Elle shakes her head. “I see.”
“Looking back it was ridiculous,” she admits, “and Tao and I talked about it after you went to bed – he feels bad. He was going to delete it straight away, but I said we should at least tell you about it first and give you the chance you make your own decision.”
Charlie wants to be annoyed. Actually, he is annoyed – he’s furious, actually, that they’ve put his photos out into the world like this, even if they’re ones he’s already posted on his public account. But what he wants is to just be annoyed, instead of annoyed and deeply intrigued simultaneously.
“Tell me you didn’t talk to anyone as me,” he says, alarmed.
“Oh god, no,” Elle says immediately. “We know you got some matches because Tao’s phone got notifications about it, but we didn’t even look at who they were.”
Relief floods over him, then realisation. “Wait. Someone matched with me?”
“A few people, actually.”
Charlie drums his bitten fingernails on the edge of his coffee mug for a few seconds, but then his curiosity gets the better of him, and he opens his app store. “Which dating app?”
“Hinge. It seemed like the best option for setting you up with someone who isn’t a serial killer.”
“Sign me in,” he says a minute later, tossing Elle his phone.
A door handle clicks, and Tao shuffles in, looking grumpy. “You were bringing me coffee,” he grumbles, sinking down onto the sofa beside Elle and curling up against her.
“I’m so sorry,” she says with a gasp. “Charlie came in, I got distracted.”
Tao takes in the scene, looking between Elle, holding Charlie’s phone, and Charlie, phoneless. “He agreed?” he says, at his usual volume.
“On one condition,” Charlie says. “When this inevitably fails and I’m left lonelier and more miserable than before, you admit you were wrong and take me out to dinner to make up for it.”
“That’s two conditions,” Tao replies, “but sure, whatever. It doesn’t matter, since we’re going to win anyway.”
“This isn’t a competition,” Elle says sternly, and Tao and Charlie shrug at each other. “Here you go,” she adds, passing Charlie his phone back. “If you get locked out, the password is ‘I love Tao and Elle,’ all lower case, no spaces.”
“Classy.”
As the conversation lulls, Elle and Tao put YouTube on the television in the background – some compilation video of a few Minecraft streamers or something of that ilk. Truthfully, Charlie’s not paying much attention: he’s more invested in looking at the profiles of the people who have matched with him.
There’s about fifteen guys in total. He has no frame of reference, but he thinks that’s a fairly respectable number: enough to be affirming and have a few options, but not so many that the choice is overwhelming. Admittedly he unmatches with a few of them immediately: three of them are self-proclaimed married men, and a couple more are almost as old as his parents. Clearly Elle and Tao really weren’t selective.
Of the ten or so remaining, about half of them catch his eye, so he deletes the others, and sends a friendly non-descript opening message to those who haven’t reached out, and ponders over the message from the one who has.
According to his profile, his name’s Nick: he’s twenty-one, which makes him a year or two older than Charlie, depending on when his birthday is. He likes dogs, which is ideal, and rugby, which is… interesting. The song he’s chosen to describe himself is Everywhere by Fleetwood Mac, which Charlie makes a mental note to listen to. Charlie examines a couple of his photos, and feels a strange sense of déjà-vu.
Oh, and he’s cute. Really cute, actually. His dusty-blond hair is fairly closely-shorn at the back and sides, but is longer and a little floppy on top. A light stubble adorns a strong jawline, and although his smile is small and shy, his eyes are bright and excitable. He knows it’s a cliché, but Charlie has a strong impression of a yellow labrador. Resolving to leave the rest for later, he opens Nick’s message.
Friday, February 17th
Nick
9:36pm
Hi, how’s it going?
9:37pm
Also I’m going to need some context for your third picture lol
Charlie frowns, wondering with some dread which photo Tao and Elle chose. He swipes through his own pictures and groans. It’s a selfie from a hospital bed; he’s posing with a thumbs-up, and a caption which reads ‘I lived bitch’. Charlie sent it to their group chat about six months ago, then posted it on his public story and put it in his annual archive, so it’s fair game – but it’s embarrassing that this is Nick’s first impression of him.
Sunday, February 19th
Charlie
10:42am
hi I’m good! a bit tired, my neighbours had a party until late 🥴
10:42am
omg okay so:
10:43am
me and my friends went ice skating last summer and unsurprisingly I fell over
10:43am
my friend aled tripped over me and like elbowed me in the stomach
10:44am
it hurt like hell so I went to a&e and they said it was good that I came in because I had appendicitis
10:45am
I was in surgery for like six hours so I sent that picture to my friends after I woke up
10:46am
sorry that was probably a bit too much information haha
With this vaguely humbling anecdote complete, he locks his phone, and tunes into the video the others are watching. Aled’s joined them without Charlie noticing, and is looking bemusedly at the TV as two unseen voices flirt jovially with each other over a Minecraft video. Honestly, Charlie shares Aled’s scepticism, but the other two are clearly having fun, so he stays quiet. Before too long, though, Tao gets fidgety from caffeine withdrawal, so while he’s gone, Aled slickly boots up Charlie’s Nintendo Switch, to general approval, but within moments an argument breaks out.
“Ooh, can we play Switch Sports?”
“Ugh, that’s too energetic. Smash Bros?”
“I hate Smash Bros, it makes no sense!”
“It does, you’re just bad at it! Right, Aled?”
“Nah, I’m with Elle on this one. What about Mario Kart? That’s a safe option.”
“Safe? Have you seen what happens when Tao loses?”
In the end, they agree on settle on Super Mario Bros, because, as Aled tactfully points out, it’s probably safer to choose a game where they have to play cooperatively, rather than competitively.
They’re partway through the second level when Charlie’s phone buzzes, and in his alarm, he lets go of the turtle shell he was holding. It hurtles along the ground until it rams into Tao, who lets out a yell of righteous indignation as he’s knocked over and plunges into the abyss.
“What the hell, Charlie?” he demands. “I thought we were playing as a team!”
“It was an accident,” Charlie says apologetically, and graciously lets Tao take the Fire Flower he just found. Tao narrows his eyes suspiciously at him, but says no more. At the end of the level, Charlie unlocks his phone and scans Nick’s reply.
Nick
10:56am
That sounds like quite an adventure 😅 And it wasn’t TMI dw!
10:58am
So I’m not great at small talk – so maybe we could do this instead?
After this, he’s sent a link to some webpage, which Charlie’s reluctant to open immediately, in case it’s some kind of phishing site or something. Instead, he goes back to Nick’s information page, hoping to spot any signs of a scam. He pauses and blinks at the ‘where I’m from’ section.
“He’s from Truham,” he says aloud, and the other three look at him in bewilderment. It’s fair enough: they’ve started a new level in the game without him, and have no idea what he’s doing. “The guy I’m talking to. He’s from Truham.”
“Shut up,” Elle exclaims. “Small world! Do you know him?”
“He’s familiar,” Charlie says doubtfully. “Here, look.”
“Get to fuck,” Tao says in disbelief when he sees Nick’s pictures. “That’s Nick Nelson.”
Charlie looks at them all in bemusement. “Who?”
“He was in my year when I was at Truham,” Elle says. “He was on the rugby team since… forever, and I’m pretty sure Sahar said he was the sports captain in sixth form.”
“Did you know him?”
Elle snorts. “Not likely. I didn’t really hang out with jocks, as you well know.”
“Charlie’s a good runner,” Aled says fairly.
“You know what I mean,” she shrugs. “He used to hang out with Harry Greene and – ” She bites her tongue and seems to change trajectory. “ – and that lot.”
Charlie rolls his eyes. “You can say his name. Ben and I broke up ages ago, I’m over it.”
“I didn’t even know Nick was gay,” Tao says doubtfully. “Are you… sure?”
“Well, he didn’t immediately unmatch with me, so I’m hoping so. Either that or I’m on a prank show.” Tao seems to give this serious consideration. “Oh, don’t be so thick,” Charlie says immediately. “Obviously I don’t actually think that.”
“Just be careful,” he says, handing Charlie his phone back. “Guys like that… you never know what they want. Some of them are just in it for a night before they ghost you and disappear. Or worse.”
“Wow,” Charlie says, completely deadpan. “Thanks, Tao. I had no idea.”
He has the grace to blush, and Aled helpfully chips in. “Does he seem nice?”
“Not sure yet. He sent me a link to something.”
Tao’s eyes widen. “Told you. Scam.”
“It’s not a scam,” Charlie says. “Look, I’ll prove it.” He snatches his phone back and presses resolutely on the link. His phone pulls up Firefox, and he blinks at the site which comes up.
“What is it?” Elle asks expectantly.
“Thirty-six questions to fall in to love,” Charlie reads aloud, suddenly very aware of the warmth in his cheeks, and glances up to gauge their reactions. Tao’s eyebrows have lifted into his fringe; Elle’s biting her lip to suppress a laugh; Aled’s wearing his small smile Charlie associates with excitement. He clears his throat. “Mind your own business,” he says roughly, and the others go back to their game, but he sees them exchange a glance in his peripheral vision as he starts to read.
The so-called 36 questions to fall in love are a set of questions developed in the 1990s to see if two strangers can develop an intimate connection just from asking each other a series of increasingly personal questions. The experiment became massively popular after a New York Times Modern Love columnist published an essay in 2015 about her experience trying the questions with an acquaintance whom she went on to marry.
Oh, so this is legit, Charlie thinks to himself, and he’s just started to scroll through the questions when Nick messages again.
Nick
11:04am
I wondered if we could give it a try?
Charlie
11:05am
yeah sure! so how do you want to do this?
Nick
11:05am
I thought we could just take turns 🙂
11:06am
Shall I go first?
Charlie
11:06am
go for it!
Nick
11:08am
Okay – question 1:
11:09am
Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom
would you want as a dinner guest?
Charlie
11:10am
(btw just so you know, I haven’t looked at
these properly yet)
11:11am
do they have to be a real person?
Nick
11:13am
I don’t see why – real or fictional!
Charlie
11:14am
ooh okay I’ll do one of each
11:16am
fictional: lord henry from the picture of dorian
gray
Nick
11:17am
As a thought experiment, let’s imagine I haven’t
read it 👀
11:17am
(I haven't)
Charlie
11:18am
oh he’s a complete prick, he’s a total nihilist and his
world views are very selfish and skewed
11:19am
I just think it would make for interesting
conversation, that’s all
Nick
11:21am
Interesting choice! What about a real person?
Charlie
11:21am
jk rowling so I can poison her
Nick
11:22am
💀💀💀 Honestly that’s valid, it’s what she
deserves
Charlie
11:22am
she really does
11:23am
seriously how do you write a series that’s so
much about how prejudice is bad then end up
like her
11:23am
make it make sense joanne 🤨
Nick
11:24am
So true 😔
Charlie
11:25am
what would your choices be?
Nick
11:26am
Okay, real: Agatha Christie
Charlie
11:27am
curiouser and curiouser
Nick
11:30am
I just think she’d be really cool!! She was such
a good writer, I feel like she’d read me for filth
and we’d have a great time
11:31am
For the fictional one you’re going to laugh 😅
Charlie
11:32am
I won’t, I swear 🙂
Nick
11:35am
…Winnie the Pooh
11:36am
Go on, admit it, you laughed
Charlie
11:37am
no I didn’t!
Nick
11:39am
Thanks 😌 You’re lying though, right?
Charlie
11:39am
…maybe 😅
11:40am
sorry lmao
Nick
11:41am
Nah it’s chill, it’s funny
11:43am
He’s just so chill and content, I think we’d have a
blast
11:44am
And like the dude only eats honey, so cheap dinner
guest
Charlie
11:46am
that’s adorable 🥺
11:48am
okay question 2: would you like to be
famous? in what way?
Nick
11:52am
I don’t think I would, but if I was it would probably be
for sport
11:52am
Super basic I know 😅
11:53am
It’s something I’m already good at, and you’re
not expected to do loads of interviews and stuff
unless you’re like a world-class footballer or
something
11:54am
Oh and you can retire at like 35 which is a bonus 😆
Charlie
11:57am
that sounds like a great plan! and then you
ghostwrite a mediocre book about all the
struggles you overcame and live off the
royalties for the rest of your life
Nick
11:58am
Exactly! You get it 😄
11:59am
What about you?
Charlie
12:01pm
honestly I think I’d hate being famous
12:02pm
I’m not sure I can think of what I’d want to be
famous but I can imagine what I’d be like as
a celebrity?
Nick
12:02pm
I’ll take it!
Charlie
12:03pm
I’m thinking like… robert pattinson or andrew garfield
12:04pm
mysterious, a bit chaotic, ambiguously gay and
never talks about their private life
Nick
12:07pm
Interesting, so you wouldn’t be out if you
were a celebrity?
Charlie
12:10pm
see I don’t really know, part of me is very open about
being gay but if I was famous I feel like it wouldn’t
be anyone else’s business, you know?
Nick
12:13pm
I get that
12:14pm
Once you’re out like that, there’s no going
back
12:16pm
I’m bi btw, in case you were wondering
Charlie
12:20pm
that’s cool! I’m gay, if it wasn’t obvious haha
Charlie doesn’t find out what Nick’s reply is, because Elle kicks him from the sofa to rouse his attention. They’re halfway through the desert world, and Tao has clearly got bored because he’s wandered off halfway up a castle, and Elle is desperately trying to control his character as well as her own. Charlie magnanimously takes the extra controller and finishes the level with her and Aled.
“Thanks,” she says with a fond roll of her eyes as Mario, a yellow Toad and Toadette celebrate their victory against the tower’s boss. “We were thinking of doing a big Tesco run before I go back to Reading?”
“Shit, you know how to have fun,” Charlie says drily, and Elle shoots him a look. “Sure, I’ll tag along.”
The early sunshine has faded to a more typical February sky; and Charlie looks dubiously up at the pale clouds as they step onto the bus. Tao and Elle troop to the back, but Aled slides into a pair of seats the row in front, and gives Charlie a meaningful look as he sits down.
“You alright?” he asks, his gentle voice quieter than usual.
“’Course,” Charlie says, bemused. “What’s wrong with buses?”
He lifts an eyebrow. “I meant with the whole online dating thing.”
“Oh. My bad. Yeah, it’s fine.”
“Sure?”
Charlie often gets the sense that Aled knows a lot more than he lets on. He’s quiet, sure, and in a lot of ways is the sweetest person Charlie has ever met, but he’s also very clever and shrewd, and often puts Charlie’s thoughts into words for him, even about situations Charlie hasn’t even spoken about aloud.
“Well, I think so,” Charlie says, and Aled tilts his head questioningly. “I mean, it’s something I’ve thought about doing before. I guess it was mostly just weird that they made it for me, you know?”
He nods in understanding. “You can tell them if they’re being too much, you know.”
“Don’t worry, I often do. But it’s really okay. Honestly I quite like Nick so far.”
Aled smiles knowingly and starts untangling his earphones, and Charlie follows suit, glad of an excuse to zone out for a little while. He hits play, and the song he was listening to last night starts where it left off.
And I remember how we felt so old
We fell in love and no one had to know
And they say, get on with it and list all what I can do
But I don’t wanna miss the lights and you