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So here I am, on the floor. Naked as someone who had probably just had sex. Or something. The events that occurred last night hardly resurface in my memories, apart from a vague recollection of, about, twenty bottles of Bud Light being chugged. I massage my forehead, feeling pain stab at my temples and the back of my eyes. Of course I would get a god damn hangover. It made me frankly quite annoyed.
Get me a top-of-the-chain lawyer because I’m totally going to be responsible for someone’s death today. On accident, of course.
---
I always wonder how I winded up here, flipping burgers and taking orders from customers that are probably baked out of their minds. God knows what. Leaning over the counter, I take in my surroundings, glancing over at the Gleaming Golden Arch TM outside the restaurant, then to the face of a man that was so beautiful he was shining and shit. Like he had those anime eyes and his hair was glistening but that might have just been his hair gel, sweat, or a mix of both. Is it just me or is it hot in here.
“Hi im saul goodman… is everything good?”
“Yeah.. s’all good man.”
“Yes, that’s my name!”
“Holy shit.... I'm seeing double. woah.”
“Hey uh kid, you okay??”
“lol”
I collapse onto the floor, casting a glance at the four thousand eyelashes detailing Saul Goodman’s eye. There is nothing left to live for. I smile, dying in peace.
---
I resurrect. Where, you may wonder? Well. No place other than in the arms of my prince Charmin; Paul Bloodman. This is epic.
“Hi im Soll Gudman. Attorney at law.”
holy shit is that jimmy mcgill? "woah….” I say out loud. What an amazing dream this is! Saul Goodman smiles gently at me, but in a few seconds his face distorts into a very angry frown, and he slaps me across the face. If I gotta be honest - It really didn't hurt.
“Why are you grabbing my left tit.”
"Erm... what do you mean?"
"Your hand is directly on my left breast!"
“lol”
i die again
“No you aren't,” He grabs me by the face and smashes our lips together. And my dry, dry lips are crumpled up into the shape of kiss. And his dry, dry lips are moving slowly toward my forgotten mouth at the speed of love and it sounds like a car crash and God’s husky angels are laughing with joy as they look down from Heaven at the love we share.
We lived happily ever after.