Chapter Text
X
”You know I'm dead if mama Ortega smells weed on me, right?"
Jesse glanced over at his company, grinning as he continued to roll a thin joint, several identical ones on the tray in his lap ready to go. "Yeah, I know." His voice lower than usual as he watched Cassie idly run her fingers through an unruly mane of honey blonde hair; watching as it fell softly past her shoulders to rest on her perfect breasts, which were barely contained by the tight blue sun dress she wore.
He swallowed hard before returning his attention to the task at hand. Lucky for her this wasn't for smoking; it was for selling.
Two years had passed since that lame party at Badger's house. Two years they'd spent nearly inseparable - much to her first cousin, Combo's dismay. He tried daily to advert Cassie's attention somewhere else but she only had eyes for Jesse and those dark chestnut hues were watching him very carefully at the moment.
The way she looked at him caused an ache to form in his chest.
"Do you want to make out or something?" Cassie blurted nervously as his eyes found hers again. "Or something?" Jesse repeated, his grin spreading. They'd madeout countless times in this very spot - deep in the dessert with nothing but the stars above them but tonight felt different. There was a tension between them that started when he picked her up and had only gotten worse since they parked.
"Or something." Cassie whispered, watching as he dumped the joints in a bag and reach over her - opening the glove box to store the paraphernalia. As he closed it he turned to her in the close quarters of his Monte Carlo and placed his hand on her exposed thigh, leaning in as her lips found his. There was something fierce and desperate in the way Cassie kissed him; as if she couldn't get close enough - her fingers finding their way into his short hair as their mouths explored deeply.
"Cassie…" Jesse groaned, pulling back enough to search her wide eyes - golden flakes sparkling with the dim lights from the stereo screen. The few moments she'd spent with her tongue in his mouth had his dick hard, pressing uncomfortably against the material of his sweatpants. "I think I'm ready." She whispered - referring to the countless times they'd done this very thing but been to nervous to follow through. He couldn't count all the times she sent him home with the worse case of blue balls.
It was Jesse's turn to go wide eyed as Cassidy suddenly crawled up into the passengers seat and carefully slid her leg over the console to straddle his lap - returning to his mouth as his hands traveled to her breast; squeezing them gently before resting at her ass. He leaned into her and turned the key; killing what little light they had. Suddenly she was everywhere - her sweet perfume filling his senses; the feel of her body against his.
Another groan passed between them as Cassie ran her hands up Jesse's chest and to his neck - grinding her hips into his lap as they kissed with years of yearning.
Combo was going to kill him.
He could feel her wetness between the thin fabric of his pants as his hands snaked up her back and grabbed her hair at the base of her neck pulling her head back suddenly as her chest heaved with needed air. There was something primal in Jesse's gaze as his other hand held her hips still and he searched her face for an agonizing moment.
"You're not wearing panties?"
His voice sounded like gravels in his throat as he swallowed hard; watching the slightly shake of her head. Her chest was heaving with desire as he watched her carefully. He had wanted to be inside her every day for as many days as he could remember - wanted to feel her tight, untouched pussy clench around him as she moaned him name. The thought kept him up for days.
"I want to fuck you so… fucking bad, Cas."
Cassie could only moan in response as his grasp on the nape of her neck tightened. His dick begging to be released and rock hard between her thighs. Jesse kissed her exposed neck - causing another soft cry to escape her lips as he licked his way up to her left ear; her head still bent back - eyes closed. "I want to feel you around my dick." A deep moan left her throat - rocking her hips against his length.
Jesse closed his eyes - taking in a deep breath as his thoughts switched to baseball or grandmas or anything that may help him to not cum in his pants before they could even get started. They'd never gone this far before and although Cassie seemed to have been telling the truth when she said she was ready; he had to make sure. She meant more to him than this - even if he was just a red blooded eighteen year old. She rolled her hips again, causing Jesse to cuss under his labored breath.
"Stop…" He pleaded against her neck - loosening the grip he held on her hair as she looked at him. Desire across her face. She was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen but now - looking at him like she may explode any moment, her soft lips parted so slightly as she took in air, she was fucking gorgeous. Jesse kissed her lips gently - taking in his own breath once he pulled away again. She hadn't moved - waiting for his next words.
"Are you sure this is what you want?"
Cassie searched his face for a moment before she nodded. "I want you, Jesse." His name on her lips was all the reassurance he needed as he lifted his hips; pulling his sweats down enough to release himself. Once there was no barrier between them their eyes met and he positioned himself at her slick opening, groaning as she slid down his dick slowly.
"Fuuuck…" Jesse groaned through gritted teeth - his head falling back on the seat as she lifted herself again and repeated the process until they found a slow, steady pace. She was so tight he worried he was hurting her; lifting his head up to kiss her again. "Are you ok?" He whispered; lips pressed to the side of her mouth as she moaned and nodded her head. "Oh, god Jesse…" She breathed - tightening around him.
Cassie leaned forward, burring her face in the bend of Jesse's neck as he thrust into her over and over until she cried out his name; his own release coming deep and powerful a moment later.
"Holy shit..." Jesse muttered, breathing heavy as Cassie rolled her hips back causing another groan between them. He met her happy gaze - pulling her head back to him as he kissed her deep - feeling the aftermath of their actions running between their legs. "Holy shit…" He repeated as she put some space between them, searching their surrounding for something to use to clean up.
"I should have… got a rubber, yo. I don't have… I didn't know…"
Cassie grinned - using some napkins from the console before she climbed off his lap and straightened her dress - glancing over at him like the goddess she was - an innocent grin on her lips.
"It's ok. I've been on birth control for a few months now." Jesse could only stare at her dumbfounded as he adjusted himself and sat up straighter in the drivers seat. "Ok…" He muttered - transfixed on her face. Cassie giggled and glanced out the window to the open night sky. "Was that… good? Did you like it?" He asked causing her head to whip back to him. Wild hair flying around. "Yes! Of course I did. I loved it. I love you Jesse."
A familiar ache formed in his chest as he searched her beautiful face. "I love you too, Cassie." He assured as she leaned forward and placed her lips to his; smiling as his hand found the back of her hair and pulled her into him; deepening the kiss quickly.
X
8 years later.
Jesse beat his bloodied fist on Skinny Pete's door; leaning into the frame as exhaustion began to creep into his bones. He didn't know how much longer he could stand; couldn't remember the last time those nazi fucks had bothered to give him anything to eat.
"Dude you lost?" It was Skinny at the door - glaring at the intruder. "Yo, who is it?" Badger asked from inside the house - coming up behind Pete quickly.
Realization hit them both like a ton of bricks as Jesse looked up at them. Nearly unrecognizable from months of neglect at Jack's compound.
"Jesse?"
"I gotta get that car off the street…" He muttered, voice rough from lack of use. The two friends looked past him to the El Camino parked at the curb.
X
It took me, 16 years to find ya.
One second to love ya.
Seven years to hold ya.
One minute to lose ya.
Oh god..
Where did I go wrong?
"He looks bad, Cas. Really bad. Scars and shit all over his face... he came in and ate all our food and passed out. I don't even know if he's breathing, yo."
X
"Jesse."
Her voice filled his empty soul; breathing new life into him as she stood at the end of the bed - the bright New Mexico sun at her back; illuminating her in a golden aura. She was an angel. His angel. The first person he ever loved. The only person who had truly ever loved him.
Cassidy Ortega.
Was this heaven? No. It couldn't be because he didn't deserve a place like that. The devil was warming a seat up for him right up front - right beside Mr. White. They'd be partners even in death.
"Jesse?"
Cassie closed the space between them - placing her hand gently on his back. She was checking for any sign of life coming from the broken man before her. He grunted at the sound of his name - no one had said it so softly, so full of concern, in such a long time.
There had been nothing but pain for as long as he could remember.
"Jesse, please, wake up and let me make sure you're ok…"
He opened his eyes slowly trying to focus on the person beside him now, her features cast in darkness as the morning sun lit her back.
"Andrea?"
He couldn't make out her face but Andrea wouldn't speak to him with such concern. She had Brock to be concerned for. Jesse was just some guy she hooked up with who gave her ridiculous amounts of money for no good reason… plus she was dead.
Todd had shot her in the back of the head like it was absolutely nothing - leaving Brock without a mom; forever. Memories of all the horrible things he had done in the past two years came flooding back with vengeance - causing him to gasp awake and scramble to his knees - glaring at the girl.
"Hey. It's alright! It's Cassie…"
Her voice was like a knife to his chest; twisting in deeper than anything he'd ever been through; what he had done to Gale or Jane or Andrea or Hank was nothing compared to the pain he had caused Cassie.
"Jesse, it's ok. You're ok now." Pain was apparent across his face as he leapt from the bed like a ferrel cat and tried to escape from the latched window. Desperately clawing at the seal as his friends watched in horror.
"I told you this was a bad idea." Badger muttered, slapping Pete on the arm as Jesse turned to them and pulled a pistol from his back - pointing it at Cassie then Badger with a shaky hand. "Who the fucks there?!" He screamed, panic and bile rising in his throat - shifting the guns focus from Cassie to Badger then Pete.
He wasn't in the compound anymore. Someone else had him now. Todd? Mr. White? The events of last night slowly began to creep into his fucked up head and a sob escaped him. He meet Cassie's terrified gaze and lowered the gun; watching as she closed the space between them and despite the grime and his wounds she wrapped her arms around him as he broke down; sobbing into the bend of her neck.
Badger slapped Pete on the back again gently; nodding towards the living room. His skinny friend nodded in agreement and closed the door quietly as they took their leave.
"Man, did you see the look in Jesse's eyes? He's fucking broken, yo."
"Crazy shit. You think Cassie's alright in there with him?"
Badger shrugged, "If any body can handle Jesse at his worst it's Cassie."
X
Cassie sank to the floor with Jesse as he clung to her; holding her so tight she feared the air would slip from her lungs. He sobbed loudly; anguish pouring from his body as he relived all the pain he had experienced in the last few months alone. She held him close; her own silent tears pooling at her lashes before cascading down her cheeks. She had to be strong but seeing Jesse like this was breaking her heart.
She knew he was troubled the last time she'd seen him but never imagined it would get this bad.
Twenty minutes passed before he finally began breathing normally; grief deep in his gritty voice as he tried to speak.
"Wh- why are you here?"
There was a time when Cassie needed him; as much as he needed her right now and he had failed her. More than once. He didn't deserve a second of her time.
"You know why, Jesse."
He shook his exhausted head; looking up into her tearful eyes. "I don't deserve you. I never did."
X
"Yo, Cas." Badger's voice sounded exhausted on the other end. "Hey, Brandon." She had answered with a sigh; running a hand over her tired eyes. Would this be the call that kept her heart full of dread? Was he calling to tell her Jesse had died like Combo? "Is he okay?" She whispered into the phone.
"He's been throwing this wild ass party all week at Ginny's. Everybody left today - he begged us to stay but we're running on fumes, ya know? He won’t listen to us. Do you think you could go over and check on him? Somethings not right."
The tightness in her chest only grew tighter. She didn't want to see him even if she missed him every day. Even if she cried herself to sleep every night thinking about him.
"Isn't there someone else who can check in on him? I don't think it's a good idea for me to show up. I heard he has a girlfriend now.”
Badger cleared his throat. "You know its just you, Cas." He assured sadly; letting his line die. She stared at the cellphone for a long moment; finally taking a deep breath and standing from the couch. She grabbed her keys from the table and walked to the door mechanically - terrified of what she might find once she got to Ginny's.
Badger had said the party was over but the music still thumped loudly in the house; rattling the windows as she beat on the front door until her hand was bruised before realizing it was unlocked.
"Jesse?"
The house was a wreck. Ginny would roll in her grave if she knew her home looked like this.
She found him sitting against a ridiculously large sound system with his head resting on one of the massive speakers - eyes wide and vacant with a hand over his mouth and knees to his chest. The deafening music blared around them but he seemed unfazed - completely numb to the vibrating device.
Cassie went to the sound system and searched frantically for the off button; running her fingers across the front. After a few attempts the music came to an eerie stop but Jesse never even flinched.
Cassie knelt before him; searching his troubled eyes as she pulled his wrists gently so his hands fell to his lap - his head turning slightly to finally look at her. She didn't know what to expect; it had been a long time since she'd seen him and their last encounter was far from pleasant.
Jesse's expression was surprised at first; surprised to see her after everything they'd been through. The pain in his eyes didn't match the look on his face as he reach for her suddenly and pulled her into his lap; wrapping his arms tightly around her body as he buried his face in her hair.
They sat in complete silence for a long time before a sob finally escaped him.
"Jesse, it's alright." Cassie whispered; trying to soothe him but he clutched her tighter against his chest, his body shaking with grief. “Everything is so fucked up, Cas. I'm so alone…" He whispered against her neck; the grief and sorrow in his voice causing tears to well in her eyes. After a moment Cassie leaned back enough to look at him - placing her hands on either side of his face.
"Im here, Jesse.”
Jesse swallowed his grief as he searched her sad eyes; idly wondering if she was just his mind playing tricks on him. “I love you so fucking much Cassie.” He whispered as the silent tears ran down her cheeks; his eyes falling to her parted lips. Cassie nodded her head slowly assuring him she loved him as he leaned forward and kissed her; snaking his fingers into her hair as he pulled her closer.
Cassie was lost - letting her emotions get the best of her as his tongue met hers skillfully and his hands trailed down her neck and over her breasts; finding the hem of her shirt as his fingers grasped her hips - moving under her shirt quickly. She knew it was wrong to let him kiss her when he was so upset but she never claimed to be a strong person and she really did love him. No matter how fucked up their relationship was she would always love him.
“Cassie..,” Jesse groaned; his voice deep with desire as he pulled away just enough to take in a needed breath. “I miss you…” Adding as he searched her face. “Everything is so fucked up right now but I think about you every fucking day.”
“What about your girlfriend?” She whispered suddenly; looking up to meet his bright blue eyes. His expression never changed as he studied her - finally shaking his head slowly. “It’s always just going to be you, Cas.” He muttered Badger’s previous words; allowing her to put more space between them. Maybe that was true but she had to hold onto what little respect she had for herself - she was nobody’s second choice. Cassie could only watch what little fire their make out session had caused fade from Jesse’s eyes. He was a broken man before her and it caused her heart to ache at the thought.
“Come on, you’re exhausted.”
Jesse took her hand as she pulled him to his feet and guided him up the stairs to his bed. Before she could even suggest it he flopped down on his stomach and closed his eyes. Cassie sat on the edge of the bed, running her hand down his back.
“Don't go, okay?" He pleaded - moving over enough so she could curl up beside him. She laid her head on his pillow, closing her eyes as he snaked an arm around her stomach and pulled her back to his chest. “Don't go.." Jesse mumbled again as sleep quickly took over.
X
Cassie opened her eyes slowly; darkness surrounding her as she turned in the bed to face Jesse who stirred slightly at her movement. What the hell was she doing in bed with Jesse? She watched as his eyes opened slowly; the pain in those bright hues bringing everything back.
Slowly she lifted her hand; brushing her fingers through his messy hair as he watched her carefully - his gaze falling to her mouth once again. Nothing good would come from this situation but for the life of her she couldn’t bring herself to move. Jesse was the only person she had ever been with and she’d never been able to deny him what he wanted so she accepted her fate as he leaned into her and kissed her deeply.
A groan passed between them as he slid his arm over her stomach and advanced on top of her quickly. “I’ve missed you so much…” He whispered against her lips as they busied themselves with removing their clothes. A moment later Jesse sank into her with a groan; burying his face in the bend of her neck as she wrapped her legs around him. “You feel so fucking good…”
Jesse began to move - pouring everything into her as her head fell back on the bed in pleasure and inhuman sounds escaped her. “Fuck, Cassie…”
“Jesse…”
“I love you so much Cassie…”
“Jesse.”
Jesse opened his eyes slowly; gasping as Gail’s pleading eyes stared back at him. The deafening bang of his gun caused him to jolt awake nearly throwing Cassie from the bed as she leaned over him pleading for him to wake up.
“Are you alright?” She asked; face full of concern as Jesse gasped for hair - searching the dark room frantically. Surprising them both he began to laugh - shaking his head as he buried his face in his hands. “No, Cassie. I am far from fucking okay.” He growled trying to shove the image of Gail from his mind.
“Jesse…” She reach for him again only to have him jerk away from her grasp and push himself from the bed. “You need to leave.”
“What?”
“You need to fucking leave. You need to stay away from me.”
Cassie opened her mouth to protest only to have Jesse turn and glare at her. “I’m not doing this with you again, Cassie. Get the fuck out of my house!”
He watched as she stood from the bed and closed the space between them; a look of pure concern on her beautiful face. Jesse closed his eyes tightly; fisting his hands at his sides as he tried desperately to rid his mind of what he did to Gail. “Stay away from me Cassie…”
“Jesse.”
“I don’t want to hurt you…”
Cassie closed the space between them and wrapped her arms around Jesse as he broke down; burying his face in the bend of her shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her. “Everything is so fucked up, Cas.”
She didn’t know what to say to him so she just held him while he sobbed into her embrace; physically shaking as they sank to the floor together and she held him tightly. “Just talk to me, Jesse. Tell me what happened?”
Jesse shook his head; pulling away from her slightly. “I can’t…”
“You can tell me anything Jesse. You can trust me.”
“I can’t…” He whispered again; the numb vacant state she found him in earlier quickly returning. “You need to leave and stay away from me, Cas. The shit I’m in will get you killed if you stay here.”
“Jesse…”
Jesse closed his eyes tightly; trying to find the words to make her understand the severity of this situation. “Please Cassie. If anything happened to you… please just go.” Cassie searched his face; frowning as she finally pushed herself away from him and stood to her feet. She could only watch as he pulled his knees to his chest and buried his face; another sob escaping him as she left him alone in his room.
X
"Please don’t go..." He whispered; bringing her out of her thoughts as she stood to her feet in Pete's spare bedroom and helped Jesse to his feet.
"I won't. I promise."
How had he managed to fuck his life up so badly? Ruin the only person that ever gave a shit about him? Cassie was once the girl with the brightest smile and after he got his claws in her she was as broken as he was but she was stronger than he would ever be. She'd taken all the bad shit that happened in her life and kept moving forward; even if he couldn't remember the last time he'd seen her smile.
"I should have never left you that night. I've fucked you over so many times and... I've only done worse since then. I don't deserve you."
Cassie wiped at the tears that fell down her cheeks; looking down at her hands. Jesse had abandoned her - twice; left her alone to deal with the heartache of losing two pregnancies with him but she wouldn't treat him the way she'd been treated - she would help him. She forgave him a long time ago to heal her own heart.
"Let's go get you cleaned up."
X
Seven years before.
"You got my fucking little cousin pregnant?!" Combo boomed, shoving Jesse hard in the chest - causing him to stumble back and drop his joint.
"The fuck? Calm down, bro. She's nineteen and only a few months younger than you - don't say it like that."
Combo shoved Jesse again, causing the smaller friend to narrow his eyes. "Stop shoving me, yo! Imma be your cousin in law soon." Jesse's laugh filled the alley as Combo growled; charging him like a football player. Jesse took off - dodging the bigger friend and putting Badger between them who put his arms up to keep the peace.
"I fucking LOVE her, yo!" Jesse yelled, looking over Brandon's shoulder. They had never seen Combo so mad; trying his best to get past Brandon. "Let him through, yo! I'm gonna beat his ass! She's nineteen years old! She don't need to be tied down to no dope slinging gringo her whole life!"
"Who the fuck are you calling a gringo you fat wanna be Mexican! Your dads name is Bradley for fucks sake!"
Combo shoved Badger hard; knocking him on his ass as he went towards Jesse - grabbing him up by his jacket and lifting him into the air.
"That's my step dad you stupid fuck!" He yelled in Jesse's face causing the smaller of the two to burst into laughter - kicking his feet in the air. The weed he'd been smoking earlier finally hitting his system. Combo shoved him to the ground and glared at Badger as he got to his feet.
"Stay the fuck away from Cassidy." He threatened before storming off as quickly as he'd came. "I love her, Combo! I would never hurt her!"
Christian kept walking.
X
"You ready for this?" Cassidy asked with a smile, turning her head to look at Jesse in the dark room. The ultra sound technician smiled at them as she moved the wand carefully over Cassidy's stomach.
She was measuring at 16 weeks and the doctor told her at her last appointment they may be able to tell the gender of the baby today. Jesse had made a little sign that said "Is it a cupcake or a stud muffin'?" He was as excited as she was.
"If it's a girl, Cassie Jr."
Jesse laughed at the thought. "…and if he's a boy?"
"She's not." Cassie assured with a grin. "Mama Ortega already said it's a girl and she's never been wrong."
They turned their attention to the monitor on the wall and Jesse gave her hand a squeeze as the baby came into view. The ultra sound tech typed some things into the computer beside her before continuing with the wand.
"How far along are you again?"
Cassie turned to look at her. "16 weeks tomorrow."
The technician made no reply. Dragging the wand lower on her stomach. On the screen the small black and white image remained eerily still.
"Is everything alright?" Jesse finally asked after several long quiet moments. The technician clicked another few buttons and turned to them with a frown. "Mrs. Ortega - the baby is only measuring at 13 weeks and I can't locate the heart beat. I need to bring Dr. Roberts into the room."
Cassie's eyes were glued to the screen where the small gray image sat unmoving. The technician clicked off the TV quickly before turning on the light - flooding the room in fluorescents. Cassie didn't blink; tears forming at the corners of her dark eyes.
"I'll fetch Dr. Roberts; hopefully the baby is just being stubborn this morning. I'll be right back."
Just like that Jesse and Cassie were alone in the small room; Jesse could only stare at Cassie as she sat unblinking on the table. Silent tears began to fall down her cheeks.
"Yo, what does this girl know? She's not even the doctor just some... wand woman. Dr. Roberts will be in here in a minute and everything will be fine, ok?"
Cassie never moved her head still starting at the black empty screen. "Cassie?"
X
The next two weeks went by in slow motion. Waiting for the "fetus to expel itself from her womb". When that didn't happen Dr. Roberts sent her to the hospital where they removed the… tissue and assured her after a week she could try again if she'd like.
Try again? She wasn't even trying to start with. It had been an accident - a slip of the mind one morning on her way to nursing school and a night full of passion with her boyfriend of three years. It was an accident. An accident she realized she wanted more than anything.
She couldn't remember the last time she'd spoke. Every time she tried she just couldn't find the words.
"Cassie? Please just, fucking say something?! I don't know what to say or do to help you get through this?" Jesse had begged and screamed and pleaded but she could only stare into the vacant space before her and cry. "Scream or punch me or something just... please Cassie?"
He walked out of her living room that night slamming the door behind him as she sat curled up in the corner with her face buried in her hands. Jesse spent the next two weeks stoned out of his mind; unable to provide any comfort to her. He was hurting too. Even Combo showed up to try to pull him out of his thoughts with an apology.
"You probably wanted this shit from the start." Jesse growled deep in his throat as he took another long drag from his joint; eyes glassy and red with grief. "I fucking love that girl, Christian. More than anything on this planet and there's nothing I can do to help her."
Jesse passed him the joint; running his fingers through his hair as he held the smoke deep in his lungs. When he looked up again the tears he'd been desperately trying to hold back ran down his face.
"Why do I fuck everything up, yo?" He asked no one in particular but Combo didn't have the answers. Instead he pulled out a pipe - telling Jesse he had something that would take his mind off of everything that was happening right now.
"You remember Emilio Koyoma? From second grade? His cousin Domingo slings it on the south side. High priced stuff. He said we could get in the business. Mad cash in it for us."
"Doesn't this shit fuck you up, for real?"
"You'll get fucked up and forget your troubles, for a while at least. Come on man, gimme your lighter."
Jesse handed over his lighter - the one Cassie had gave him a few weeks ago and watched Christian take a hit from the glass pipe in his hand. When his friends eyes rolled back he snatched the pipe and took his own first hit of crystal meth.
X
The next evening Jesse walked into the small diner Cassidy had been working at while she was in nursing school - spotting her standing at a table near the back. Their eyes met like they always seemed to do and she looked down; forcing a smile to the back old man at the table.
Jesse walked up to her; reaching out to take her hand. "We need to talk." Cassidy smiled at the elderly man at the table and turned to Jesse - pulling him away from her guest glaring.
"Larry - I'm taking my break!" She yelled into the back of the diner before pulling Jesse outside behind the trash bins. "The time to talk was two weeks ago, asshole! Where the hell have you been?!" She demanded - slapping him lightly on the chest. It had taken her several days to crawl herself out of the darkness but she did and then Jesse was nowhere to be found.
"No one knew where you were! Ginny was worried sick. I needed you Jesse! I needed you to be there with me!"
It was his turn to look away.
"I know. I'm.. I'm sorry, alright? Seeing you like that - so upset and empty - it broke my heart Cassie. I didn't know how to help you or what to do..."
Cassidy rolled her eyes. "I needed you to just be there, Jesse." He reach out to take her hand but she jerked it away as if he'd burned her. "Don't fucking touch me." She growled, taking a step back.
"I'm sorry, Cas." He whispered again between them, poking himself in the chest as he spoke. "I never thought I wanted a kid until we made one - now it's all I want. It's all I fucking think about - a little version of us with my eyes and your smile."
Cassidy frowned. She felt the same way - fresh tears pooling in her hazel eyes.
"I want it too…" She finally whispered as Jesse closed the space between them and wrapped his arms around her small frame. He placed his lips to her forehead and closed his eyes - letting his own tears fall. "I'm so sorry Cassie." He whispered into her hair as her body shook with silent sobs. They stayed like that for several minutes before Cassie regained her composure and looked up at Jesse with a frown. There was trouble behind his light eyes.
"I read that you're like, more fertile or whatever right after a miscarriage." He muttered - searching her face carefully. "You read that?" She asked, a small grin pulling at her lips. "Yeah," he assured - leaning down to place his lips on hers. "Come to Ginny's after work and I'll put another baby in you."
Cassie gasped and shoved him away playfully. "Oh my god! Do NOT say it like that you freak." Jesse laughed as he held her tighter and she squealed trying to push herself away from him as he whispered obscenities in her ear.
"I have to go back to work!"
X
Present Day.
"Oh god, Jesse…" Cassidy whispered as he pulled his baggy shirt over his head and stood facing the shower - her eyes going wide at the scars and gashes along his back. He never had been a very big guy but the way his ribs and spine stood out was unfamiliar to her; causing her chest to tighten as she reach out and traced one of the shiny scars along his spine. "What happened to you?" Her voice cracked with emotion as she studied the deep black bruises on his ribs.
"Nothing... I didn't... deserve." He muttered - turning to search her sad eyes. Cassie swallowed hard; "I'll go find you some clothes while you shower, ok?" She turned to leave but Jesse grasped her wrist - turning her back to face him. "Don't leave. Please." He whispered, emotion clawing at his throat. Cassie stared at him; her heart breaking at the fear in his eyes.
"Ok."
Jesse adverted his eyes as he unclasped his belt and let his pants fall to the ground - she had seen him naked countless times in the past but there was nothing desirable about him now. His body was mangled in a way that brought fresh tears to her eyes; his limbs visibly shaking from some kind of psychological trauma. She could only watch as he turned the water on and stepped under the hot stream; shoving his gun in the small window above him.
X
"The people that did this to you…" Cassie whispered, bandaging Jesse's left wrist as she spoke. "Are they coming for you?"
He looked up at her slowly; searching her worried eyes. All of his best memories were trapped in her dark; soul searching eyes.
"No."
His answered was barely audible; voice deep with lack of use. He cleared his throat but didn't elaborate.
"Are they dead?"
He didn't bother dropping her gaze. After everything they'd been through - everything he'd put her through - she deserved the truth. Somewhere, deep inside of him - a part long forgotten he knew she wouldn't judge him for his sins.
"Yeah."
Cassie swallowed hard, holding her hand over his bandaged wrist. "Did you kill them?"
It took him several minutes to answer - his gaze finally falling to their hands.
"One of them, yeah."
Cassie made him no reply; just went back to work on treating his wounds.
X
"Lookin' sharp man." Badger muttered as Jesse finally walked into the living room with Cassie in tow. He walked to the window and peered out - searching the street before pulling the blinds quickly.
"Why'd you turn off the TV? The news that bad?"
Badger glanced to Cassie. "There's just… a lot of it."
Jesse ran a hand over his face.
"Skinny you got a burner phone I can use?"
Pete handed over his cellphone without hesitation.
"You got a plan, man?" Badger asked.
"Yeah, maybe."
Jesse glanced at Cassie who stood awkwardly at the mouth of the hallway; surrounded by friends she hadn't seen in a long time. She watched with tears in her eyes as Jesse went to the phone book and began searching; ripping a few pages out before he looked at her again. Badger and Pete continued to pace the living room - ignoring her easily. Cassie had always been one of them so they didn't think much about her being there.
Jesse closed the space between them; pushing her back into the hallway and out of earshot from the others.
"You need to go..." He whispered; as her silent tears began to fall. She looked up at him shaking her head no. "It won't be long before the police show up and you can't be here when they do. You gotta go, Cassie." She shook her head again; a gasp of grief escaping her throat as the tears fell. "I don't want to lose you again."
His fingers touched her face; wiping the tears away as quickly as they fell.
"I've gotta get that car out of here. I can't bring the heat in on Skinny and Badger and you sure as fuck can't be anywhere near here if they show up." He whispered, leaning down so their faces were inches apart. Cassie could only continue to shake her head. "I don't have the energy to make you hate me right now, you just have to go."
Cassie closed her eyes; "I can't find out you're dead on the news. I can't…"
"I'll find you, Cassie. I swear when all this is over I'll find you."
She stared at him; letting her eyes fall as she took in a deep breath.
"I'll find you." Jesse repeated; kissing her forehead before she turned to the front door and left without so much as a goodbye. He turned to Badger and Pete; tears threatening as he dialed a number.
X
One year earlier.
"Yo! I'm coming! Stop banging on my fucking door!" Jesse yelled, stumbling through the messy duplex; head pounding from the previous night's activities. Jane knew how to have a good time.
She was pretty, smart and understood him in a way Cassie never would. Jane was going to be the girl to make him forget about Cassie Ortega. He smiled at the thought; jerking the front door of his apartment open quickly.
Cassidy stood on the other side; eyes wide and rimmed in red. Combo's funeral was yesterday and he'd stayed in this room smoking pot instead of paying his respects. Cassie wrapped her arms around her thin waist after flinging the tears from her cheeks aggressively.
"You didn't even come to his funeral!" She snapped. He stepped aside and allowed her to come in; closing the door carefully behind them. "I couldn't.." he muttered, avoiding her accusing eyes. "I couldn't see him like that."
Combo was dead because of him.
"You're going to end up just like him if you don't stop doing whatever it is you're doing!"
This caused his eyes to narrow.
"You have no idea what I'm doing. I'm making bank. Living my best life." He growled, turning to the kitchen. He grabbed a beer from the fridge and opened it - letting the lid fall to the floor. His eyes locked with Cassie's as she watched him drink it down in one gulp.
"It's 9am, Jesse."
"So?" He asked - glaring at her. He loved her - god, he fucking loved her - just the sight of her caused his heart to ache in his chest, to remember what he didn't have. No matter how "chill" Jane was she'd never hold a candle to how he felt about Cassie. No one ever would. The thought made his eyes narrow as he slammed the empty bottle down on the bar behind him. "Jesse, please let me help you. I didn't know it was this bad. I didn't know how deep Christian was in with this... shit! I don't want you to die. I couldn't... if something like this happened to you? Jesse - I couldn't..."
"Stop!" He snapped, causing her to close her mouth quickly. "Stop acting like you fucking care, Cassidy! Where the fuck have you been? I tried to call you a few weeks ago - when I had no where to go and you didn't answer."
This caused her own dark eyes to narrow, the tears long gone.
"You only call me when you need something Jesse! Or if you need a late night fuck! You don't give a shit about me."
Jesse closed the space between them suddenly; pressing her back into the front door roughly before caging her in his embrace as his face stopped inches from hers.
"You love it when I fuck you." He whispered, his breath on her mouth as her lips parted. He could do things to her that would make Jane run screaming from this room and Cassie would let him; she always let him have his way with her - they were drawn to each other and Jane didn't have a chance. Thoughts of the dark haired girl disappeared quickly as he searched Cassie's eyes, imagining lifting her up so she could wrap her legs around him then fucking the attitude out of her. No one could ever make him feel the way she did. The look on her face right now had him thinking differently though as he focused on her - watching as her bottom lip trembled with grief.
"Go fuck your self." Cassie spat through clenched teeth; looking up to meet Jesse's gaze. "I'm tired of being your side bitch. Tired of being the one you come running too."
Jesse pushed himself away from her in frustration. "I never fucking run to you! Fucking Badger - fucking mother hen - he gets you involved in my shit every time!" Jesse pointed to his chest - glaring at Cassie. "I don't fucking need you!" He yelled, regretting his words as quickly as they left his mouth.
Cassie clenched her fists at her sides.
"I'm the only one who gives a fuck about you, Jesse! I show up! I tell you the fucking truth and you're going to get yourself killed just like Christian if you don't stop fucking with meth!"
"Jane gives a fuck about me! She fucking gets me and she doesn't bitch me out or break my fucking heart. We're moving New Zealand and she's going to give me what you never could!"
Cassie opened her mouth then closed it quickly; tears welling in her eyes as she turned to open the front door. Jesse grabbed her arm - turning her back to face him - heartache across his handsome face. "Cassie. I didn't mean that." Heavy tears formed on her lashes as she tried to jerk her arm from him. "Let me go." She pleaded; her words breaking with grief.
"Cassie... We can work this out. We always work it out." He pleaded; his grip on her arm tight and painful. "Please..." She whispered as the tears fell down her face. "Please just... let me go.."
"Cassie, fuck I'm sorry." Jesse let her arm go and watched as she moved to the front door and opened it quickly; "Fuck you." She snapped, slamming the door so hard the windows rattled. A second later she was gone - as quickly as she'd came.
Jesse sank down to the floor; placing his head in his hands. He had managed to ruin the one person he loved more than anything. The hurt in her eyes would haunt him forever.
He didn't know how long he sat there waiting but eventually there was a knock on the door and he scrambled to his feet to answer it. "Cas - I…" Jane stared back at him; a confused look on her face. "Hey. You look like shit." She assured without a thought, pushing past him to enter the apartment. "I've got something for us." She added, with a grin - showing him the small black bag that held their destiny.
X
Present Day.
Jesse sat low behind the wheel of Badger's Fiero; watching the welding shop burn to the ground. His eyes were fixated on the flames rising up to the roof as he thought about Cassie. After their first miscarriage he had promised to "put another baby in her" and he had - just a few quick weeks later but she lost that baby too.
He was a coward; hunting his friends down and losing himself in a huge bag of meth instead of consoling the one person who meant the most to him. Once he came down from his high he tried to make things right with her but Cassie was a fool me once kind of girl and she wouldn't talk to him; avoiding him like the plague. He turned back to meth until that fateful day Mr. White showed up in his driveway.
Jesse swallowed the grief that had built in this throat; running a hand over his tired eyes. He had the money the guy needed to relocate him. Anywhere he wanted to go to start a new life. What he wouldn't do for a moment of complete rest. No more thoughts about all the fucked up shit from his past.
Deep inside he felt like no matter how far he got from Albuquerque his demons would find him.
There was only one person who kept them at bay.
Jesse typed in a familiar number; lifting the burner phone to his ear. Tears formed in his eyes as he waited for her to pick up. If she was smart she wouldn't answer; she wouldn't be waiting for him like he had asked.
"Hello?"
Her voice was so empty of emotion; it caused the tears to fall down his scared cheeks.
Jesse cleared his throat; swallowing the grief that broke up his voice. "Cassie, just listen." He muttered into the phone, closing his eyes as he found the words. "Haines Alaska. There's a welcome center. It may take a week but that's where I'll be. It's up to you if you want to up root your life… and be with me… but I'll be there if that's what you decide."
He could hear her soft breathing on the line; his information surprising. Up root her life? In Alaska?
"I've got to go, Cassie. I just want you to know that I love you. Everything that's happened doesn't change that and if you decide to stay I understand. I don't need saving anymore."
"Jess…" He closed the phone quickly; unable to hear her answer if she decided to stay. A life, however new, without Cassie wasn't going to be much.
Jesse wiped the tears from his face; breaking the phone and throwing it towards the fire before he backed out of the lot and drove to the vacuum repair shop.
X
7 years earlier.
Cassie opened Ginny's front door carefully; sitting her bag on the closest table as she moved through the house. "Cassie? Is that you?" Ginny asked as she stepped into the living room- a smile on her face. "Is that my favorita tia?" Cassie replied - closing the space between them and placing a sweet kiss to Jesse's aunts forehead. Ginny sat in her recliner watching Jeopardy - like always.
"Oh honey you're as beautiful as ever! You aren't even showing yet and you've got to be what? Half way there?"
Cassie tensed at her words. Jesse hadn't told her about the baby?
Jesse emerged into the living room a second later; poking his head through the door.
"Cassie. You came." He was surprised to see her. "Of course she came! She's in love with you, boy." Ginny said, matter of fact. "A blind person could see it. Now go make her something to eat - she's starving that baby!"
Jesse locked eyes with Cassie who held her uneasy smile. She kissed Ginny again before making her way to him.
"Do you want something, Ginny?"
"No honey. Jesse made me a sandwich earlier. Go enjoy your evening. I'm going to watch T.V."
Jesse took Cassie hand and pulled her into the hallway; placing his hands on either side of her face as he kissed her, deeply. When he pulled away she was glaring.
"You didn't tell her about the baby? She still thinks I'm pregnant."
"I did. When I got home from the appointment that day… she met me at the door." Jesse let his eyes fall. "I was a mess. I told her what happened but she doesn't remember. I think the cancers in her brain this time.." He whispered, pulling Cassie towards his bedroom. "She keeps calling the pest control people about the opossum they came and got last week… she thinks it's still under the house."
Cassie frowned; sitting down on the edge of Jesse's bed. "She's got an appointment next week.." He muttered, sitting down beside her. She looked better than she had at the diner earlier - her hair down like he liked it, falling around her shoulders. Jesse tucked a strand behind her ear - searching her eyes.
"I'm glad you came." He whispered between them; letting his fingers fall from her hair, tracing a line down her neck to her breast and then her lap. "I missed you. These past two weeks have been hell on earth."
"Yeah," Cassie whispered, looking down at her hands in her lap. "They have."
"I'm so sorry Cassie.." He whispered his words from the diner. "I didn't know how to help you. I didn't know… what to do…" She looked up at him then - forcing a pained smile before placing her hand on his cheek; leaning into his waiting mouth.
Jesse kissed her until she pulled away gasping for air - meeting his light eyes with her own darker hues. This was something he could do - he could make her forget about all her troubles - and he intended too; leaning her back on the bed as his mouth found hers again. He didn't linger there long; moving down her neck as a soft moan escaped her.
He slid his hands up the hem of her shirt - pushing the thin material over her breasts and then her head - watching her chest rise in anticipation as he kissed the exposed parts of her - pulling the lacy bra down to release a hard nipple. He look it in his mouth; lapping his tongue around slowly.
Cassie moaned again; causing him to do the same to the other nipple before moving on to her navel; placing a soft kiss just below as he unzipped her jeans - pulling them down past her ass as he continued his slow torment on her most sensitive spot. Her back arched as his warm tongue moved around her clit; her fingers raking through his hair as she held him in place and his own groan vibrated against her.
They stayed that way until Jesse couldn't take anymore; pulling himself up her body quickly as she kicked off her jeans and pushed down his sweats with her legs - feeling him thick and ready between her thighs.
"Fuck, Cassie…" He cursed as he reach behind himself and pulled his shirt over his head - his eyes locking on her breasts as she freed them from her bra and pulled him down to kiss her. A moment later he was inside her - a shared groan between them as he started to move. He'd never been able to last to long when it came to Cassie and her tight and ready pussy; but he wanted to savor the feel of her - thrusting in and out slowly.
"Jesse.." She groaned, arching her back to meet his thrusts. "Tell me what you want, baby." He whispered, his low gravely voice sending a shiver through her. "Faster." She breathed, tightening around him as he picked up his pace.
"Jesus Cassie…" Jesse put his arm under her back; pulling her closer as he rested his forehead to hers; closing his eyes as he thrust hard and deep into her.
Luckily Ginny kept the T.V. loud nowadays, trying to drown out the sounds of the non existent opossum while she watched Jeopardy, because Cassie was lost - crying out as wave after wave of pleasure raked her body. "I'm gonna cum," Jesse groaned against her mouth as she pulled him closer and kissed him - drowning out his moan as he released his own pleasure deep inside her.
A moment later Jesse collapsed on top of Cassie; burying his head in the bend of her neck as his breath caught in his throat. "I fucking love you, Cassie… god I fucking love you." He whispered against her skin as she tried to catch her breath. "I love you." She assured, running her nails down his back before he rolled off her - looking up at the ceiling. "We're gonna have ten kids. Five girls and five boys." He breathed with a laugh causing Cassie to slap his chest lightly. "Two would be plenty."
8 weeks later she sat alone crying on her bathroom floor.
X
Jesse stood nervously at the counter as Ed counted his money - assuring him twice it was all there. After an agonizing few minutes Ed pushed the cash aside and looked at his company.
"This is what happens next. I'll get you to Alaska. There's a quite town in Haines that'll keep you out of trouble. We'll forget about the first debt owed and get you a bank account set up."
Jesse looked at him carefully; taking in his words. He had to ask. "Why?"
His voice broke with emotion; barely able to believe he was really getting out of this shit show life he'd made for himself. He could only hope Cassie would follow him there.
"Walter White was a grade A asshole, no denying that but in the short time we spent together I realized something. He cared for you. He told me everything and all of his regrets and it wasn't the way his business fell or the outcome of his family; it was what happened between you and him he regretted most. He left a note for me when I showed up for our monthly visit that asked me to show you mercy if you ever crossed my path again. At first, I wasn't going to honor that request - it's not my job to coddle ex meth producers but after I saw what happened to you, I guess you did pull at my heart string. I just ask one thing of you, it was what Walt wanted for you…"
Jesse swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. "What's that?" He asked, his voice broken with emotion. His next words sounded as if they came from Mr. White himself.
"Don't waste your second chance, Jesse."
x
"Is there any one else you want to say goodbye to?" Ed asked as they stood in the cold air of Alaska. The journey had been long cramped up in the back of his truck but the possibilities were endless thanks to the man standing before him. Jesse shook his head no; thinking briefly about his parents. When the police had asked them if they wanted to say anything to their estranged son they had only pleaded for him to turn himself in to the police - not so much as a thought of love or grief.
Jesse shook his head again; "No. No one."
"Alright then. Haines is forty miles north. You'll pass a small welcome center right before the town. Here's your apartment keys and a spare for the truck. It's furnished with the things you requested - simple enough."
"Thank you - for everything."
"Yep. Good luck, Mr. Driscoll."
X
Forty minutes later Jesse pulled into the small parking lot of the even smaller welcome center for Haines Alaska. The only person inside was an elderly man tending the small counter.
"Good morning, son." He said with a kind smile; standing to his feet slowly. "You don't have to get up." Jesse assured quickly; crossing the small room and helping the man to his feet. "Would you like a cup of coffee?" The old timer asked; moving towards the coffee pot at a snails pace.
"Sure."
He'd already went to so much trouble.
"What brings you in today? We don't get many patrons in here."
"I was looking for my friend. I'm hoping she'll show up sometime this week."
The old man grinned at the thought. "She, huh? Well, no ones been here yet but I'll keep my eye out. You want sugar? Cream?"
"Black, please." Jesse assured - glancing around the room. A large map of Alaska was to his right and a small rest room area to his left.
"You in town long or just passing through?"
"I'm headed into Haines. I've got an apartment waiting for me on…" He checked the paper in his pocket. "…Eagle drive?"
The old man nodded. "Nice area. Not much there tho. You'll have to drive twenty minutes to the nearest market. Nice fishing pond behind the apartments, tho. You fish?"
Jesse took the information in. "No, never." His dad had never took him. He took Jake, but never him. "My grandson has a shop just on the other side of Haines. About a thirty minute drive past your place. He makes custom fishing poles. You should give him a visit."
Jesse took the complimentary cup of coffee and thanked him, taking a slow sip. To his surprise it was delicious and warmed his soul.
"This is the best cup of coffee I've ever had."
The man made him no comment as he moved back to the counter; sitting down carefully in his worn chair. "I'll keep an eye out for your friend." He assured, waving Jesse off.
"Who is she?"
X
"Who is she?"
Jesse looked up at Badger's words; following his gaze as Christian walked through the front door greeting a few bystanders with a slap to the hand. A girl their age walked in behind him looking overwhelmed with wide dark eyes.
Jesse sat up straighter in his chair - locking eyes with her. She was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.
"I have no idea but I'm going to find out."
He watched as she broke away from Combo to greet some mutual friends from their school; brushing her hair behind her ear as she stole another glance his way. Her smile lit up his whole world - causing him to push himself up from the chair and move towards her - only to have Combo appear in his line of sight; glaring.
"Yo, who is that fine piece you brought with you tonight big C?" Badger asked from behind them as Combo narrowed his eyes and Jesse went around him; slapping him on the back as he disappeared into the crowd. "That's my cousin bitch and none of you wanna be gang bangers better fuck with her."
Combo took Jesse's empty seat; lighting a joint and taking a long hit as he scanned the room for some girls. On the other side of the crowded living room Jesse slid up to Cassie's side; touching her elbow gently as she turned to look at him.
"Hey."
"Hey."
She was even more beautiful up close. "So, uh. You know Combo?" Cassie's brow creased with confusion. "Combo?"
"Yeah, Combo." Jesse nodded to where her cousin was sitting - chatting up a dark haired Latina girl from school. "Christian?"
"Yeah, he's been my boy since grade school. We call him Combo cuz every time we hit up Mickey D's he says…"
"Yo, lemme get that combo!" They said in unison; both laughing together. "He's my cousin. I moved out here from Texas to live with our grandma. My mom remarried this summer and… said it was time for me to go."
Jesse frowned at the thought as a group of people pushed past them causing Cassie to move in closer to him. Her sweet perfume filled his senses causing a quiet groan to escape his throat. "Lucky me." He assured, sliding his arm around her as she laughed again.
"I'm Jesse," he added - extending his other hand to shake hers. "Cassie."
"That's a beautiful name" He assured, guiding her towards the table of beverages. He could feel Christians glare hot on his face as he leaned in to whisper something sweet in Cassie's ear; causing her delightful giggle to fill the space between them as he handed her a beer; lifting his own to acknowledge his friends from across the room.
X
Two months later.
Jesse cut the headlights to his Monte Carlo; drifting down the street until he was parked two houses down from Mama Ortega's. It was almost midnight and the street was completely empty with only a few working street lights above. He ducked down behind the wheel and waited; silently praying Cassie would emerge from the house quickly.
Combo had already threatened to kick his ass if he caught him around Cassie again but he couldn't keep away from her - she was the funniest, prettiest - smartest girl he'd ever met and he radiated towards her like the sun.
A minute later the front door to her house opened and she stepped out wearing oversized gray sweatpants and a baggy white shirt. Her hair was loose past her shoulders; bouncing in soft curls as she moved towards him in the dark. His hands slid up to the steering wheel and gripped the leather tightly at the sight of her - every time he saw her his heart started beating uncontrollably.
Cassie opened the passenger door and fell inside quickly - turning to meet his blue eyes with a smile on her face.
"Hey."
"Hey."
Her chest rose and fell quickly as she brushed a stray hair behind her ear; clicking her seatbelt as he pulled out and put some distance between them and Combo's house. "Nobody knows I left. We're good." She assured; looking down at her hands nervously.
"Combo's gonna kill me one day but it'll be worth it." Jesse muttered, stealing a glance at her as his smile spread across his face. Cassie's cheeks turned pink and she placed her hand over her face to try and hide her embarrassment. "Where are we going?"
"Are you hungry? I think there's a few places still open."
"No. I'm good."
"Ok. There's this one spot it takes about twenty minutes to get to just outside of the city. I want to show it to you."
Their eyes met again and Cassie nodded; her pink cheeks and wide grin returning.
X
"This is so beautiful…" Cassie whispered as she laid beside Jesse on the hood of his car staring up into the vast Albuquerque night sky. More stars than she could ever imagine shined above them; it was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen.
"Yeah, it is." Jesse answered as she turned to look at him. He sat staring at her instead of the impressive sky. "I know you've only been here a few weeks, Cas… but… you're really amazing and I uh," He swallowed his words, running a hand over the back of his neck. "I really like you."
His confession caused her to sit up and turn to him; searching his face for any sign of malice. Since the moment she met him Jesse had been nothing but kind to her; much to Combo's dismay but he was genuine and funny and handsome. "I like you too." She said, finally causing him to exhale the breath he'd been holding.
"Really?" He asked with a nervous laugh. "That's…. awesome." Before he could make another comment she leaned towards him and placed her lips on his; causing his eyes to go wide before he relaxed enough to kiss her back - shaking his hands into the back of her hair as her mouth parted and he slipped his tongue inside skillfully. Cassie placed her hands on his chest; fisting his shirt into her grasp as they kissed passionately for several long minutes.
Finally she broke away; pulling air into her burning lungs. Jesse could only stare at her; waiting silently for what came next.
"Do you bring all your girlfriends here and show them the stars and make out with them?"
"What?"
"How many girls have you brought here?"
Jesse looked puzzled. He'd never had a girlfriend before - anyone could vouch for that. The girls in this town were mostly snotty bitches who would never bother with someone like him.
"Only you, Cassie. I swear."
Her eyes narrowed for a moment as she took in this information; still trying to catch her breath.
"I come out here a lot but only by myself - to get away from… everything." His friends hound him constantly - it's how Badger got his name. "You're the one person that l can't get enough of so I brought you with me…"
"You really mean that?" Guys in Texas we're mostly assholes who never meant what they said. "Y-yeah. I really do." Jesse assured quietly as Cassie leaned into him again; pulling him by the shirt so their mouths found each other's once again.
X
Christian stared at him now; a bullet hole in his chest - eyes glazed over in death.
"Combo? Yo, Combo?" Jesse hit his knees beside his oldest friend - searching his body for any sign of life - his hands covered in blood.
When he looked up Jack Welker stood over him with a sneer on his ugly face as he tried to brace himself as the older mans steel boot came in contact with his ribs; sending him to his chest on the cement floor. He'd lost count of how many times that bastard kicked him that first night at the compound - screaming things like "rat" and "snitch" until Jesse started vomiting blood.
"If you kill him he won't be able to make our meth." That beady eye'd fuck Todd was talking now - staring down at Jesse's who laid at their feet curled into a ball.
"Always talking some sense into me, nephew." Jack said with a laugh, slapping Todd on the shoulder before he turned around and gave Jesse one last swift kick in the stomach; causing the broken man to cry out in pain.
X
Jesse sat up in his bed quickly; gasping for air. His stomach ached as if he could still feel Jack's worn boot connecting with his ribs - causing him to stumble out of the bed and make his way to the bathroom; falling to his knees before the commode as bile filled his throat and he vomited loudly.
He retched until he had nothing left; sliding against the tub as he pulled his knees to his chest and buried his face in his hands. Every night since he arrived in Alaska, two weeks now, he woke up soaked in sweat and running to the toilet. Sometimes it started with Combo; other times it was Andrea or Gail or Mike but it always ended with Jack kicking the shit out of him.
He looked up at the ceiling; hot tears running down his face.
X
He parked in his usual spot at the welcome center; glancing at himself in the rearview mirror. His eyes were tired and rimmed in red; the dull ache still deep in his stomach.
"Mornin', son." The old man greeted as he walked inside the small building; doing is usual glance around. Cassie stood at the large map against the furthest wall; searching with her finger. "This is Haines, right?" She asked - turning to face the old man at the counter. Jesse stared back at her - eyes going wide as a slow smile spread across her pretty face.
X