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When thinking of Wei Wuxian, Wen Qing has only one opinion — The boy is irresponsible with what he takes.
Wen Qing does not like people who are careless, and Wei Wuxian falls into that list.
Easily.
Wen Ning doesn’t see it like this when he brings the two Jiang Clan brothers to her doorstep, begging her to save them.
“Please,” her younger brother begs, “please save him.”
It’s not the plural ‘them’ pronoun that her brother asks for, but it is implied that to save Wei Wuxian one must also save his younger brother.
To save one, she must save the other.
If Wen Qing didn’t loathe the comparison, she might admit to her and Wei Wuxian being similar in this sole regard.
Because her younger brother is the one who asks, she does save them.
It’s not for Wei Wuxian’s sake, not in the slightest, because logistically it is not to her advantage to harbor fugitives. And it is probably because she does not offer this help of her own volition that she cannot help but feel the boy asks for too much.
Give him an inch and he’ll take a mile.
When they stay for longer than expected, she can feel her nerves shortening. When the brother wakes and throws a tantrum upon becoming conscious, she resists the urge to kick them both out. And when Wei Wuxian approaches her to ask for another favor, she can tell that she is about to reach her limit with the boy.
“Please,” He begs, “I won’t ruin your books, I promise.”
Wen Qing had never met Wei Wuxian before all of this, but her brother had spoken very highly of him previously. She remembers when Wen Ning had come to her, ranting and raving of a young boy who had defended him against bullies.
In contrast to that, the mess that barely resists groveling on the ground before her now does not resemble the Wei Wuxian from her brother’s stories.
That’s fine, she thinks, it wouldn’t be the first time her brother had misjudged someone.
“Tell me what you’re researching.”
She is firm, because what else can she be at a time like this? and she tries not to lose an inch to this greedy boy.
“I…can’t tell you. Please, please can you trust me?”
“No.”
The answer is unyielding, and leaves no room for debate. It is the same answer she had given at the start of this conversation in response to the question, ‘can I ask a favor?’
Somehow, despite the wall Wen Qing had tried to put up between them, the two are now well past merely asking to ask for a favor.
“Why do you need to know what I’m researching?” Wei Wuxian counters.
“As the owner of my books, do I not reserve the right to deny the use of them?”
The glare she earns for her pettiness is not intimidating in the slightest. In fact, it incites her own glare in return.
Wen Ning had left to find more firewood about half an hour ago. Wei Wuxian’s brother is lying asleep in the other room. This means no one else is witness to the stand off occurring between doctor and patient.
Wei Wuxian sitting opposite to her seems to be taking shaky breaths.
“My brother…” he mumbles at last, “...you know he lost his golden core.”
“Obviously,” She does not hold herself from biting back.
The wood underneath Wei Wuxian’s knees creaks.
“I want—no, I need to fix it.”
Wen Qing feels a sigh rip through her lungs,
“You stupid boy, do you not think that if there was a cure for a dissolved core then Wen Zhuliu wouldn’t be such a big problem?”
“ Please ,” he asks again and Wen Qing can’t help but scoff.
Another favor? How careless this boy is.
“Do as you wish, you won’t find anything.”
This is not actually true.
In fact, the likelihood that Wei Wuxian finds her research on the theory of a Golden Core transfer is extremely high. At the same time however, the likelihood that he entertains her notes on this particular theory is extremely low.
Wen Qing is certain of one thing. Wei Wuxian is selfish. Wei Wuxian takes.
He would not be one to give, so what does it matter if he finds her theory?
— — —
“Wen-guniang, please,”
It’s hard. It’s so incredibly hard.
“Wen-guni—”
Wei Wuxian’s own plea is cut off by the sobs he is so clearly repressing.
“Please,” He continues, “This is all I ask of you.”
Wen Qing cannot help but feel bitter about that.
All he ever asked? Not true.
Their hands are intertwined together, shaking in unison. His wrapped around hers. Hers wrapped around the scalpel.
“You,” Selfish boy , she doesn’t finish, but takes a deep, shaky breath instead.
Looking to her left she sees Jiang Cheng, Wei Wuxian’s brother, laid out and unconscious. Looking to her right she sees Wen Ning, her own brother, nervous and ready to help.
Forwards is where she cannot bear to look.
Is it hard to look because then she would have to admit that she was wrong? That she would see the face of that boy, and have to confront the fact that he is not as selfish as she had thought?
But he is. He had asked her to do this. Was that not selfish?
Careless with everyone else, then. Careless with people who aren’t his younger brother.
Wen Qing thinks that she can actually respect that.
“You,” She says again, and this time her voice only trembles a little, “are not what I expected.”
Wei Wuxian lets out a huff, and in a different setting it might’ve been a laugh.
“ Please ,” he repeats, instead of addressing her comment.
With his hands clasped over her own, he guides the scalpel over his bare chest. Wen Qing is forced forward slowly, and every step she takes forward is another inch that Wei Wuxian lays down closer to the earth. That feels like it means something, but Wen Qing just isn’t sure what.
Now the selfish boy lies completely flat, a parallel line to his brother on the ground.
“I’ll never ask anything of you ever again.”
Wen Qing closes her eyes.
“Please, Wen-guniang.”
It’s all too hard, too much. What is she supposed to do? What’s the right thing to do?
Usually, Wen Qing is so sure about what the right path is. It’s whatever helps her brother survive just a little bit longer.
But now…
Her brother is to her right, and he’s perfectly safe.
If she digs this scalpel into Wei Wuxian, if she breaks open this boy’s chest, Wen Ning will still be at her right and perfectly safe.
Wei Wuxian readjusts the fingers holding themselves over hers.
“Please, please, nothing else, I promise, please,”
Wen Qing opens her eyes.
“He’s my brother, I can’t—I don’t—please–”
Wen Qing feels something inside snap,
“Be quiet, you selfish boy.”
Wei Wuxian’s pleas stop. His mouth snaps closed, but tears still stream down his face.
“...I…” She cuts herself off, and doesn’t complete that thought.
Wen Qing looks down at the pathetic boy on the ground below her.
And then she breaks through his skin.
— — —
The next time she sees Wei Wuxian, the tables have turned.
She is the one who is dirty. She is the one begging for help. She is the one with a missing brother.
Wen Qing doesn’t even think twice when she latches onto the boy’s robes and starts to plead,
“Wei Wuxian, I need, I need— you need to help Wen Ning, okay? Help him, okay? I don’t know where he is, I don’t know where he is, I don’t know—”
“Wen Qing!”
God only knows how much time has passed. If Wei Wuxian still remembers her. If Wei Wuxian still remembers her brother. If Wei Wuxian is not so selfish that he won’t help her.
She’s aware that he has a grip on both of her forearms and he is shaking her, but it doesn’t stop her rambling. He’s grabbing her, however, that means he must remember her, right?
Wen Ning is gone. Wen Ning is gone. Wen Ning is gone.
Her mind is corroding so thoroughly around that one thought, that she doesn’t have the ability to realize the irony of the situation.
Wei Wuxian had come to her first on his knees, begging for the life of his brother.
“Wei Wuxian, my brother—He, my brother, Wei Wuxian, please. I—”
Later she will think about the irony of it all. Later she will think that maybe some people’s fates are so intrinsically tied that there is no other fate than to be led to each other.
“ My brother, Wei Wuxian, please! ”
Later she will realize that this is the first favor she asks of Wei Wuxian.
She will pretend that it is to be the last. She is determined that it will be the last.
— — —
“Please!”
Wen Qing is screaming. She knows she’s screaming. Hysterical. Raw. Bleeding.
She knows.
“Please! I’ll do anything, someone, please…”
But there is no someone, there is only—
“Wei Wuxian, please…”
It must come out as broken as she feels. Her edges feel like shards of glass, and yet every brush against her skin feels like it hits her nerves directly.
“Anything! Anybody! Wei Wuxian, please!”
She’s probably not even intelligible anymore, this outburst being more her soul crying out than her vocal chords, because those seem too busy letting out only anguished screams.
It’s unrealistic to expect anyone to understand what her soul is crying out for, but there’s nothing else she can do. Nothing else besides cradling her brother’s dead body in her arms.
“I don’t–I don’t–I don’t–”
What is there to be done? Who can she ask for help?
“Wen Qing.”
Wei Wuxian. She can’t even lift her head out of the muddy puddle she has put herself in to look him in the eye.
“ Please ,” she begs and this time she really doesn’t know what she’s asking for, “ Please, Wei Wuxian.”
As unrealistic as it all is, she still puts all of it onto Wei Wuxian. Her grief, her demands, her mistakes. She gives it all to him.
And he takes it.
— — —
Living in the Burial Mounds has proved to be one of the worst things Wen Qing has asked of Wei Wuxian.
Unfortunately, it is only one of the many things she has asked.
Asking Wei Wuxian for favors has turned into a slippery slope that she can never escape. Each favor is building on top of the others, building on top of the others, building on top of the others . Creating a pile almost as tall as her mistakes. It feels like someone has her windpipe in an unforgiving grip and the only person she can ask for help is the one person buried at the bottom of her mistakes.
Wei Wuxain! She calls at every minor inconvenience.
Fix this, make that. Abandon your family, give up your life.
She can feel herself taking, and taking, and she cannot stop taking . Why can’t she stop taking?
It’s enough to make her hysteric when Wei Wuxian’s brother comes to the Burial Mounds and disowns him right there.
“Wei Wuxian…I…”
“Wen Qing.”
And the look in his eyes she knows for a fact will haunt her until her dying day.
It’s enough to make her want to sob right there, but then A-Yuan clutches at Wei Wuxian’s leg.
“Xian-gege!” He excitedly babbles.
“A-Yuan!” Wei Wuxian exclaims right back, an easy smile on his face.
The empty look in his eyes has now completely vanished.
Pretend this is okay, Wei Wuxian. Clean up this mess, Wei Wuxian.
She wants to scream, maybe she wants to cry.
She wants to grab Wei Wuxian by the shoulders and shake. She wants to yell,
“Your brother just disowned you! Please drop my sorry ass before you lose anything more!”
But Wen Qing, it turns out, is the true selfish one. So, instead she knots her fists into her skirts.
“Wei Wuxian…” There are two things she should say. Two things she’s never said to the boy in front of her, but they are long overdue.
He looks at her, A-Yuan on his hip and both sporting identical looks.
“Wen Qing?” He parrots back.
A-Yuan tips his head to the side, a silent question.
Wen Qing darts her eyes away, finding it unbearable to look at them even a second longer,
“Uncle Four needs help washing the radishes.”
— — —
It’s late at night.
Too late for anyone to still be awake, but of course that has never stopped Wei Wuxian in the past, so Wen Qing takes it upon herself to go check on the boy.
To make sure he’s taking care of himself.
This is one of the only things she can repay the boy with—Her time.
When she enters the Demon-Slaughtering Cave, she expects to see a lot of things. God knows there’s a plethora of things Wei Wuxian could be working on. When she finds him slumped over his work table, she’s not surprised. He’s fast asleep over scattered papers that appear to have no rhyme or reason.
She reaches out first to organize said papers, before her hands stills over the one Wei Wuxian had clearly been working on.
Her outstretched finger gives a jerky twitch.
He has drawn a woman dressed in red. A veil is thrown over her features, and yet, she is still easily identifiable.
Wei Wuxian is sketching his sister in her wedding robes.
When she darts her eyes over towards the other papers, she sees they are similar in theme. One of what Koi Tower might look like when decorated for a wedding. One of what kind of red shoes Jiang Yanli might wear.
A sob forces its way out of her lips.
“I…”
Her hand has to come up and stifle the next unexpected sob,
“Wei Wuxian,” she breathes out from under her hand and over her tears.
He, of course, doesn’t answer. His steady breathing is the only response she gets.
“Why are you—”
Her voice breaks off.
She sinks to her knees, at Wei Wuxian’s feet. The hand that was reaching for the paper now rests lightly on the boy’s knees. It shakes along with the rest of her body.
Wen Qing tries to keep her cries at the quietest volume she can manage, otherwise she would just be inconveniencing Wei Wuxian for yet another reason.
“I’m sorry,” She gasps around her palm, lighter than a whisper.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, ” She repeats on her knees at the feet of the boy she had destroyed with her own two hands
She had held his life in her hands, both literally and metaphorically, and all she ever did was take from him.
She took his golden core. She took his sanity. His siblings, his reputation, his happiness, his love.
In every sense of the word, she had ruined Wei Wuxian’s life.
“I’m sorry.”
She had taken everything he had, and she had called him selfish while doing it.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers.
It’s something that she has needed to tell him for awhile now.
“I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry, Wei Wuxian. I’m—”
Does it count if he’s not even awake to hear it?
— — —
This is the last thing I take from you , is the last thing Wen Qing thinks before she stabs a needle into Wei Wuxian’s neck.
His options. His autonomy. She takes his ability to make this choice for her.
He’s confused, he protests, because of course Wei Wuxian is selfless. Even now, at this moment.
But her mind is made up.
Wen Qing thinks she’s probably had her mind made up about this for a while now.
Maybe it was when she saw the wedding sketches. Maybe it was after the fifth time she asked him to go to the market. Who could know what had finally signaled to Wen Qing that she had taken enough?
Gently, she guides Wei Wuxian towards the ground, in a messed up recreation of the first time they had held hands this tightly.
Only this time, when she walks forward and he leans back, it’s her hand that’s wrapped consolingly around his.
“It’s gonna be okay,” she whispers.
“Wen Qing, I don’t—“
His body gives a shudder from the needle, and that only means it’s working.
“I don’t understand.”
Tears are streaming down his face as his intelligent eyes stare for once uncomprehendingly.
“Everything’s going to be okay now.”
His back hits the earth floor, and Wen Qing adjusts her grip over his hands to give them a squeeze.
“Wen Qing…”
His speech is already slurring, but his eyes stay alert.
“Wen Ning and I are gonna go.”
It breaks her heart a little to admit, but what’s fair is fair. Wei Wuxian had lost his siblings and it was all her fault.
Now it would be her turn to lose something so precious.
“And everything will be okay.”
Tears slip out of her eyes,
“We already said our goodbyes to everyone else, they’re all gonna stay here and protect you.”
Wei Wuxian is making a jerking motion with his head, as if he were trying to shake it but the muscles aren’t cooperating.
“Yes, yes, that’s what is gonna happen.”
He jerks his head a little more frantically now.
“You…” she starts before breaking off.
She takes a shaky breath and leans her head down until their foreheads are resting against each other.
Once again she is kneeling at this boy’s side.
“I thought that you were a pretty selfish kid.”
Now, his body has lost the ability to protest at all, only his eyes continue to blink out tears.
“You asked for too much, I thought.”
Wen Qing lets out a laugh too high pitched to not come out a little hysteric.
“I was so, so, so wrong. You… are too good, Wei Wuxian. You give too much.”
Her nose is dripping along with her eyes now, and she has to take a sharp breath to keep her systems in check.
“You gave me too much.”
The next sob that comes curls her back until she’s no longer leaning into Wei Wuxian’s forehead, but instead their clasped hands.
“You gave me too much…” She repeats.
He looks at her, pleads at her with his eyes, but she has already set her mind.
“So, I’m gonna give you this now.”
His fingers twitch in her hold and she shushes him as if he were a small, frightened child,
“Everything’s gonna be okay now, alright?”
When Wen Qing stands up she knows two things. She’s crying. And she’s smiling.
How funny to be doing both at the same time. She’s certain it has never happened before, and yet she knows that both feelings are equally genuine in this moment.
This is the last time she will ever see Wei Wuxian. This will be her last glimpse of the boy who has saved her in more ways than just one. A boy she had taken everything from, a boy she had cut open, a boy she had destroyed with her own two hands and then continued to have the audacity to ask for more.
This is the last time Wei Wuxian will ever see her, and it will be a view of her walking away from him.
Would it be too shameless to say she had considered him a brother? After everything she had done to him?
“Thank you,”
She remains firm, even in a moment like this. If there is anything she can give the man laying on the ground it is only this,
“And I’m sorry.”