Chapter Text
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: You and Me and Trunk makes 3
Pen!
Long time no chat - it's been a couple of years since our last email chain.
I was talking to Eloise (more like being talked at by El but you know how that goes) and she mentioned you made head archivist at the Mayfair House preservation society. Congrats! I'm proud of you!
Not to ride on your coattails but the news inspired a sort of project idea for me and by extension, you.
When we all went down to Kent to clear out that old family country house Ant inherited, we all divied up the trunks and stuff among us without really cataloguing anything or even opening most of it.
I, having been out of the country most of the time since, only just got to taking stock of my plunder. Big ticket item is the trunk - loads of clothes, accoutrements, and even some books. Just from the brief glimpse I've taken, I would wager it's some great-great-great aunt's old travel luggage, stored and forgotten from a visit.
Let's get it all tagged and bagged and if there's anything interesting, maybe we can collab on an article or two?
Obvi, donating most if not all of it is my goal - gotta give up something to get something.
Let me know what works best for you, Penpal.
Xx
--
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: [Draft] RE: Re: You and Me and Trunk makes 3
It's been eight years, two months, and 11 days. And this is all you have to say to me???
I spent more time crying over you than it took you to tap this out on your phone, probably between bites to eat, and somehow I'm still utterly disappointed.
I'm not your penpal. Definitely not your girlfriend. A family friend. Your words. Forever burned in my brain.
I am over you. Completely, thoroughly, indefinitely.
Donate the lot to Oxfam or get Hyacinth to help you sell it all on Depop. Or - and I know this is a mindblowing idea - take your fucking rubbish to the dump yourself.
I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care.
Never contact me again.
Which should be easy since my personal email is the exact same as it was 10 years ago when I emailed you every day of your semester abroad and you sent this joke of a proposal to my work account.
[Reminder: this draft is unsent]
--
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: RE: Re: You and Me and Trunk makes 3
To Whom It May Concern,
Though you did not sign your name on your original correspondence, I must deduce I am responding to Mr. Colin Bridgerton.
First of all, I accept your praise for my promotion. I have worked very hard to achieve such success and deserve to be acknowledged for it.
Point being, my workload does not allow for sporadic, impulsive, informal projects.
Please consult commercial housekeeping services for any help regarding your personal belongings.
In conclusion, this is a business account for professional communication. Please do not continue interaction with this email address for such issues.
Thank you,
Ms. Penelope Debling
Head Archivist
Mayfair House, Preservation Society.
--
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: RE:RE: Re: You and Me…
Darling, Dearest, Penelope,
I apologise for any impropriety assumed by my previous email.
But I must insist this is something we should work out together.
Perhaps I should have included your supervisor? I can CC the address [email protected] on future missives.
Unless, of course, we take this offline.
Sincerely,
Colin Bridgerton.
--
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: RE:RE:RE: Re: You and Me…
Don’t reply to this.
Meet me at Queenie's at noon tomorrow.
-P
--
Conversation thread: PDebs & ElBrigado
PDebs: Why the hell did you give your brother my work email?
ElBrigado: wat
PDebs: Colin. Talked to you about my promotion. Fucking emailed my work account about something and wouldn’t stop. Now awaiting him @ Queenies.
ElBrigado: tell him to bring me back cobbler
also never mentioned ur work email
i dont have ur work email
omg how would i get in touch w u in emergency??
PDebs: El you have my #
& I’m not telling him about what you want when he’s your BROTHER
ElBrigado: right hed eat it
PDebs: !! Focus, if you didn’t give it to him, how’d he get it?
ElBrigado: after a cursory internet search its on the website but only after a maze of page directory nonsense
col cant leave me a damn digestive @ tea but he found it on his own
PDebs: *insert doubt emoticon here*
BTW, how can you type words like “cursory” and “directory” but not “you”?
ElBrigado: u use quotation marks but wont use actual emoticons
PDebs: I can’t allow the 2d image to define my meaning and intent as left up to personal interpretation.
ElBrigado: *insert Sure Jan meme here*
PDebs:*insert middle finger emoticon here*
--
Conversation thread: Penpal & Colin [BLOCK?]
Penpal: You have five minutes before I order to go and get back to MY JOB
Colin [BLOCK?]: Srry, got caught in errand. Order 4 table. I get the tab.
Penpal: Doubtful. I’m not getting a buffet of food until I see you face to face.
Colin [BLOCK?]: Miss me that much, eh?
Penpal: Cut it to one minute, Bridgerton.
Colin [BLOCK?]: Look up, Pen.
--
Conversation thread: No5 & Colonoscopy
Colonoscopy: What’s up w Pen?
No5: wat
did u do
Colonoscopy: IDK? Had lunch w her @ Queenie’s. Something was really off when I emailed her and she refused to talk about it in person, too. She nearly stormed out before I sat down.
No5: maybe some ppl dont like their job security being threatened w light stalking
also did u happen to have the cobbler
Colonoscopy: Ya, left half a slice in your drawer in the fridge.
And FYI it wasn’t stalking. It’s publicly available information.
No5: bless
if it wasnt stalking y did u let her think i gave u the info
Colonoscopy: …
No5: i can watch those three dots do the wave all day
Colonoscopy: I didn’t want to come across as desperate.
No5: says the guy who jumped thru 7 layers of pre Y2K coding to get an email address
Colonoscopy: I will eat the cobbler.
No5: i will send Penelope the envelope w her name on it in ur desk
Colonoscopy: Touché.
--
Conversation thread: Penelope Debling & Edwina Bagwell
Penelope: Need a massive favour. I’d owe you a dozen.
Edwina: Is this something I’m going to have to scrub from these intranet messages afterward?
Penelope: No.
I mean. It probably would be best to delete after reading.
Edwina: Noted. What’s the favour?
Penelope: An old acquaintance is coming with some things he thinks he can donate. I just need a buffer: don’t leave me alone with him, back me up when I say it’s nothing special, confirm the next appointment is up and we can’t see him out.
Edwina: Okay, sure. Is this old acquaintance someone I know?
Penelope: It’s Colin.
Edwina: ?!???!?!???!?!?!
Okay that wasn’t an ideal response but what in the world?
Penelope: He inherited a junk trunk and wants to see us go all Antique Roadshow about it.
Edwina: And we’re not immediately shutting this down because?
Penelope: He is a hair away from dragging Agatha into it and as much as she likes us, she is soft for the Bridgertons more so.
Edwina: I'd put my money on you ranking equal w them but I see what you mean. I'm in.