Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

“Would you kiss me?”

Charlie asks it almost whisper-like. The tone of his voice is what really throws Nick off. It sounds so hopeful and eager that it makes his insides twist and turn. Nick glances down at the place where their pinkies touch.

Is this what it feels like to be in love?

He moves his pinkie slightly and gathers the courage to look Charlie in the face again. A pair of wide eyes look at him when he does.

I guess it is.

Nick realizes that he must answer the question because it is starting to get a bit awkward. But that’s when it hits him. It is the strangest thing: in a way it had felt like the room they were in was a cocoon and nothing really existed outside that room. But at that moment, he is suddenly hit by the sound of the music being played downstairs and the faint sound of people talking and laughing. It simply doesn’t feel right.

Nick hates how shaky his voice sounds when he answers: “I – no. I think I...”
Charlie’s expression changes so quickly that it would be comical if it weren’t so sad. He pulls his hand back and for a second, they just stare at each other. Next, he scrambles back to his feet so quickly that it startles Nick a little.

“Charlie, I-”

“Fuck, I’m really sorry!” Charlie utters before he scurries out of the room. Nick is left feeling a little light-headed. How did he manage to fuck that up so badly? He gets back on his feet, starting to feel a bit nauseated. Maybe he can catch up with Charlie and explain to him that… well, what exactly?

I’ve liked you for weeks, but I’m too afraid to kiss you at a party. I like you a lot, but I don’t want other people to know exactly how much. I think I might be gay, but I’m not sure.

That sounds exactly like Ben Hope.

To make matters worse, he runs into Harry, who is trying to talk to him about his earlier outburst.
“It’s all just banter, isn’t it? The lads can see it’s banter, you can see it’s banter. There’s no need to start anything just ‘cause you’re in a bad mood at my birthday party.” He appears to be very taken with himself.

Didn’t look so smug when I told you off earlier, did you?

Nick obviously doesn’t say that. “Yeah, guess I was just in a mood.” He just wishes that Harry would stop talking. He wants to go outside and see if Charlie is still around. Perhaps he doesn't have to explain much to him right now, just give him a hug and tell him everything is okay.

“So we’re good?” Harry asks.

I hate this.

“Yeah,” Nick replies. “Listen, I think I will be heading home. I’m feeling a bit sick.”
“You’re so boring, mate,” Harry’s voice sounds mocking, but while Nick is walking past him he feels a soft pat on the back.

Weird.

It turns out that Charlie is not outside. Nick assumes that Charlie's father has already picked him up, since it's already 22:10.
He decides to ring his mum to ask if she can come and get him.

“So soon, Nicky? I thought the party ended at midnight?” Sarah Nelson is wondering. Nick decides that ‘feeling sick’ is probably the best way to avoid any further questions. “Yeah, but I’m not feeling so good. Stomachache.”
“Oh baby, just your luck. Alright, I’ll be there in a bit.”

He sits himself down on the steps that lead up to the door. Would it be weird to call Charlie right now? They’ve never been talking on the phone. Besides, Charlie is probably still in the car with his dad.

“Nicholas! I was looking all over for you!” Nick is startled by a high-pitched voice.
“Oh, hi Imogen.”
She plumps herself down next to him. “Jesus, how is your arse not freezing on these steps?!” she shrieks.
Well, I am actually wearing trousers,” Nick says dryly, gesturing to her bare legs.
“Ha! Good one. I bet that helps,” she says with a giggle. “What are you doing out here?”
“Waiting for my mum to pick me up.”
“Are you leaving because of your fight with Harry?” She glances at him stealthily.
“Well, it wasn’t a fight, exactly,” Nick replies. He doesn’t want to explain this to her. Thankfully, Imogen stays quiet. She moves closer and rests her face against his upper arm.

“Nick?"

She’s so close that he can smell the alcohol on her breath. “How much have you been drinking?” he asks.
“Only a bit. We had a few drinks in the car, my brother drove us here.”

Well, that explains her behaviour tonight. Nick’s been aware for a while that Imogen has a crush on him. Actually, at this point everybody knows. She and Nick have never spoken about it. She never mentioned it before tonight, so he always thought it would be easier to just ignore it.

Nick really likes Imogen. He sometimes wishes he could just fall in love with her. He knows everyone is expecting them to get together so it would be easy in a way. But he never cared for her like that, even though she looks really nice.

Smells nice too, actually.

“I’m sleepy.” Imogen says. She puts her hand on his knee and lets it rest there.

Fuck-fuckety-fuck.

Nick is relieved when a familiar car comes up the driveway. “I gotta go,” he says. “Is your brother coming to pick you up or do you need a ride? I can ask my mum to drop you off.”
“No, that’s alright, but thank you.”
“Okay, well, see you Monday.” They share a rather stiff hug. Nick can feel his cheeks burning as she walks away. When he gets into the car, his mother shoots him a curious look, but she doesn't ask about Imogen or mention his flushed face.

“How are you feeling?”
“A bit nauseated.” Nick replies. Technically, it isn’t a lie.

When they get home, he hugs his mum goodnight and goes straight up to his room. Nellie follows him and makes herself comfortable on his bed. After brushing his teeth, he decides he can’t put it off any longer. He should really send Charlie a text.

Nick
(22:49) Are you okay?

The message is received and read almost instantly.

Charlie
(22:50) i’m really really sorry
(22:50) i feel like I’ve ruined everything. it was just a weird thing to ask sorry again

Nick
(22:51) Don’t worry, I didn’t think it was weird, I was just surprised
(22:52) Can I come over tomorrow? think it would be good to talk about this
(22:52) Not at school though
(22:56) So can I come over?

Charlie
(22:57) my dad’s says I can’t tomorrow, we have this family thing at my grandma’s

Nick
(22:58) Oh, okay. What about after school on Monday?

Charlie
(22:59) that’s fine. I’m gonna go to sleep now, see you Monday

Nick
( 22:59 ) Okay, good night ❤️

His thumb hovers over the screen, trying to decide if he should try to reassure his friend again.

Nick
( 23:00 ) I don’t want you to feel bad about what we talked about

Charlie
(23:01) but it was weird though, those questions
(23:02) you can be honest, if you don’t want to hang out any more you can just tell me, it’s ok really. i would understand

Nick
(23:03) Please stop saying it’s weird. it wasn’t weird!! of course I still want to hang out with you

Charlie
(23:05) okay

Nick
(23:05) see you Monday
(23:05) ❤️

Nick keeps checking his notifications for a few minutes. He then accepts the fact that Charlie isn’t going to respond to his last message. He tries to get Nelly to get off the bed, but she is sleepy and clearly doesn’t feel like moving. His mum doesn’t really like it when Nellie sleeps in his bed, but Nick thinks that tonight he'll make an exception.