Archive of Our Own

04:13 MC GST

04:28 MC GST

04:41 MC GST

04:56 MC GST

The sigh that left her mouth was equal parts exhaustion, discontent, and anger as she finally gave up on the pursuit of sleep. She’d managed maybe three hours, if she was lucky, the other three spent staring blankly at the faint, orange light that her clock cast across her cabin. If she was going to be awake anyway, she decided that she could at least get caught up on her messages and reports.

Shepard pushed herself upwards, stretching out heavy limbs that bore the weight of her exhaustion, tossing her blanket to the side. There was a clattering noise that followed, and her head snapped to it although it was impossible to see in her nearly lightless cabin. She groaned, stretching again to grab the omni-tool on her bedside table and activate the light controls for her room. All at once, the cabin lit up in a soft white glow, and she instinctively covered her eyes with her free hand, squinting at the sudden change. 

As she willed her body up and out of bed, and as her feet hit the floor and her legs took on the weight of the rest of her body, she wished more than anything that could have just gone back to sleep like someone with a normal, functioning brain and body would do.

It took her only seconds to discover that it was her datapad that had fallen onto the floor, and she realized sheepishly that she must have fallen asleep while reading through mission updates and comm reports. And sure enough, when she turned the screen on, her eyes were met with nothing more than a write up on the state of the water supply levels on several colonies. Most of it was useless information, but the conclusion she caught between the lines pointed to fears that Reaper forces might target water stores on holdout colonies that had managed to shore up defenses and fight off attacking forces fairly well thus far.

Shepard sighed again, rubbing a hand across her eyes. The nightmares never seemed to end, even during waking hours.

She dismissed the report and brought up her schedule for the day. Engineering was slated for a full inspection, she had two separate Spectre reports that needed to be handed in before 18:00 GST, a dozen different auto-generated entries that her scheduling VI was pulling from the messages she had yet to read, and… a meeting with a Council team to moderate a treaty between batarian and human militarized forces. 

She had completely forgotten about that.

She tossed the datapad back onto her bed and made a beeline for the shower.

“EDI, is Joker up yet?”

“Jeff is still asleep in the crew’s quarters, Shepard. I am currently engaged in piloting the Normandy.”

“I need you to start moving towards the Citadel,” she said as she started pulling off layers of clothing, leaving them on the floor of her bathroom. “Can you give me an estimate for how long it’ll take us to get there?”

“From our current location, travel time would be approximately 3 hours, 29 minutes and 7 seconds.”

The water in the shower was cold, but she had no time to wait for it to heat up. Her body jolted violently as a stream of what felt like ice hit her bare skin. “Quickest possible flight path then, EDI.”

“Yes, Commander.”

She scrubbed herself down, the water growing incrementally warmer as she rushed through her routine. Body, hair, face, then teeth, deodorant, lotion, uniform on, and finally the desperate attempt to get her hair to lie flat and straight against her head so she could look at least partly presentable. The batarians wouldn’t notice if she had a head full of frizz and flyaways, but the humans in the room sure would. 

Then, she stood at her private terminal, desperately hammering away at the holographic keyboard as she tried to get her reports finished. It was 0600 at that point, late enough for most of the crew to begin waking up and fielding requests from her. Joker fired off a message asking about the change in their flight plan, and she simply forwarded him her daily itinerary in response. Adams signaled her through the intercom and asked if they could delay the inspection a few hours if possible; Gabby and Ken had been up late into the night cycle testing out some plan she couldn’t even begin to understand, but she said yes immediately, relief in her voice that she could put that off for a bit at least. Liara passed on numbers she was getting from her field agents about estimates for losses in the Terminus, Allers requested a quote for a follow up story she was doing about the Citadel coup, and then–

“Garrus?”

Shepard almost jumped as she felt a hand slide over her shoulder, but relaxed instantly when she turned to see the turian standing behind her. He reached down, setting a steaming mug of coffee next to her terminal as he pressed his mouth to the top of her head.

“Good morning. Busy day?”

She nearly melted against the touch, leaning against his torso for support. “Packed. Today’s the negotiations for the batarians.”

Shepard could feel his wince in the places where her body met his. “Are you sure they need you to be there?”

“The Hegemony, or what’s left of it, refuses to meet anyone other than me to discuss this.” She closed her eyes, already picturing the nightmare that fielding their requests would bring her. “Apparently, if I can manage to get the turians and the krogan to play nice, I’m the only one who could broker a deal for batarians and humans.”

Garrus hummed, a buzzing note of appreciation that rumbled through him. “You know, they’re probably right about that.”

“Unfortunately so.” She turned, snaking her arms around his waist. “We’ll be docked to the Citadel for a while today. Got any plans yourself?”

“Yeah,” he said, wrapping his own arms around her now. “I have some friends to check up on, and I’ll see if the turians down in the docks need any help pushing the bureaucrats in the Presidium around.”

She looked up at him, searching his face for the emotions he was carefully keeping out of his voice. “If you need help with that, you can always message my omni-tool. Spectre authorizations can get you pretty far.”

“At last, the perk of dating a Spectre makes itself known.” He dipped his head down and settled his forehead against hers. 

“There’s a lot more perks than that,” she grinned, her heart skipping a beat in her chest as Garrus’ crystal sharp eyes were only inches away from her own. From behind her, her terminal pinged, and she turned to watch a message from Councilor Sparatus flash across the screen. “Guess I’ll have to show you some other time, though.”

He let her pull herself back towards the terminal, her mind already fluttering with the same panicked anxiety from before. Sparatus had sent her an updated list of discussion points for each side, as well as a copy of the baseline treaty they would be working from. It would need to be read through, thoroughly, to ensure that both parties were being represented fairly from the get-go and that talks didn’t fall through before anyone even stepped foot into the meeting room.

“You need any backup for that, Shep?”

She glanced over her shoulder to see that Garrus had settled himself against the wall, leaning casually as he watched her work. “I’ve got Ash and Vega coming with me for this. Hackett asked for an all human delegation. Sparatus is stepping in to oversee and assist the proceedings because humanity no longer has a councilor of our own.”

“Udina might not have taken out the council, but he sure did a lot of damage.”

Shepard turned her face back to the monitor to keep her expression private. “That’s why I need these talks to go well. The galaxy needs to see that humans aren’t selfish, backstabbing assholes.”

Once more, she felt arms come around her as Garrus embraced her from behind. He tucked her against his torso tightly, and she could feel the warmth that emanated from his body.

“If you could do it for my people, you can do it for yours, Shepard,” he whispered against her ear, the subvocal buzzing in his voice tickling her. “You can do this.”

She brought her hands up to his and held them, squeezing tightly. “Thank you.”

With so little space between them, it was impossible for her not to notice that his muscles tightened as he stood there, and his fingers began to fidget just a touch. 

“So, I was wondering,” he said, his voice measured and even. “I know your schedule is busy, but do you have some free time later this evening?”

The terminal pinged, and another request came across the screen of the terminal. Her shoulders drooped as she closed her eyes

“I’ll take that as a maybe

“I’ll come find you when I get back on the Normandy later.” She tilted her head up and back to look at him, trying to capture a few more moments of his presence before she would have to dive back into work. “If I don’t end up trapped in some new problem first.”

They hugged each other in farewell, and Shepard unwillingly returned to her terminal. Hackett was forwarding her messages from a group of scientists who wanted to pass along some coordinates and information about a dig site they had fled when the Reapers descended onto the planet. She looked at the messages, and the treaty documents, and her own reports that were half-finished, and it felt as though she was wading through an ocean without a shore.

She took a large breath to calm herself and recenter her mind, and she caught a whiff of the coffee that still sat beside her terminal. Shepard glanced at it, and she was unable to stop the small smile that crept across her face. 

Work be damned, she would make time for Garrus that evening.

—--------------

“Commander Shepard, a pleasure to see you. And Commander Williams, you as well.”

Shepard kept her face neutral, fighting back the urge to roll her eyes at the turian. “Councilor. This is Lieutenant James Vega, a marine that serves aboard my ship. We are all looking forward to settling this matter today.”

She took a second to eye the empty room; the Batarian delegation had yet to arrive, but Sparatus had his personal security detail as well as a few assistants that had already taken their places at the large table in the middle of the conference room. She felt out of place almost immediately. Shepard had no experience with peace talks and treaties. The only treaty she had managed so far was one born of blood and sacrifice, forged in a battle and not a boardroom. 

“We are expecting the Batarian delegation to arrive shortly,” Sparatus continued, nodding at Vega in acknowledgement. “As you know, I will be here to act as a moderator and ensure the terms reached are lawful and just for both parties.”

Shepard looked back at the man and silently wished that Valern or Tevos could have joined them instead. She had won some amount of favor with Sparatus for getting the new Primarch off Menae, but out of the entire Council, he had always held her in the lowest regard. Valern, at least, was grateful that she had saved his life in the Cerberus coup, and Tevos never saw eye to eye with her but was capable of showing reason when needed. Sparatus, though, was the same as always.

“Councilor, is there anything I should know before we begin our talks? You are… aware of my history with the Batarians. I don’t want to put my foot in my mouth, so to speak.”

Sparatus’ face flexed the same way that Garrus’ did when she said something entirely too human to understand, and it took actual effort not to laugh at it. “Well, Commander, you are right to be concerned about your history. I believe that, despite the crimes of the Hegemony, the Batarians will have a stronger position in this discussion considering what happened with Aratoht. It is undoubtedly sure to arise in conversation, so I recommend you merely acknowledge it with graceful remorse and listen to what their delegation believes will be proper concessions for that incident.”

“Right,” she nodded, and the knot that had already been in her gut pulled tighter. “I have no intentions of picking any fights here today. I’m sure you know as well as I do that we need what’s left of the Batarian military to help defend our colonies.”

Sparatus took in a deep breath and walked a few steps away from them, standing before the large windows that looked out across the lake on the Presidium. He placed his hands behind his back and straightened his shoulders before continuing.

“I never would have imagined a day would come where we needed to win over cooperation from the Batarians. And to be the councilor to oversee it…”

She grimaced little, and gave Ashley and James a small nod to get settled at their side of the table before stepping up next to Sparatus herself.

“War has made strange bedfellows of us all, I think.” She looked out the window as well, watching as people went about their business. Life as usual for most of them.

The turian councilor hummed in agreement, his subvocals resonating in the space between them. “I understand that you still have Garrus Vakarian aboard your ship, Commander.”

She felt her heart stop for a moment, her chest suddenly frozen in place. “I do, Councilor. He chose to join me after we rescued Victus. Is that a problem?”

Sparatus turned his head towards her, something unreadable flashing across his face. She wished strongly in that moment for the skill needed to understand the subtleties of turian facial expressions, to read all of the things he was leaving silent from their conversation. Which turned out to be more than she expected, as the Batarian delegation entered the room and abruptly put an end to their conversation.

“Governor Grothan, an honor to finally meet you in person.” 

Sparatus moved away from the window, towards the batarian leader, and she followed several polite steps behind. James and Ashley stood at attention as well, and the three of them examined the small contingent before them. Pazness had brought two associates as well, both sporting what she clocked as more formal clothes than typical everyday batarian wear. The governor was dressed smartly as well, and it only contributed to the strange atmosphere she felt. Leave it to a damned war with the Reapers to get batarians all dressed up.

“And you as well, Councilor Sparatus.” The batarian nodded his head, and turned his attention towards her. “Commander Shepard. I owe you and your people for the swift rescue from Cholis. I am grateful for the opportunity to thank you in person.”

Shepard offered the man a polite smile, nodding her head now as well. “Your willingness to step forward and help broker peace between our people is thanks enough, Governor.”

“Let’s get started then, shall we?”

Of all the years she had lived, Shepard only needed one hand to count the number of times she’d had a pleasant interaction with a batarian, and even then she could lose a couple of fingers and still do just fine. To sit at a table and exchange pleasantries with one now left her feeling uneasy and off her game. 

They went around the table and introduced themselves and their ranks. The two batarians with Grothan were named Tihon and Ruthak, both former dignitaries that had since been pushed up in ranks with the destruction of most of the Hegemony. They took to their roles with ease, though, as they all presented a calm, capable front. 

“Governor, I understand that our races have a… strained history with each other,” she offered, sitting straight in her chair. “I greatly appreciate your attempts to bridge the gaps between us.”

“I will also admit that our kind shares no great love or fondness for humanity, but watching the almost near destruction of our entire race has proved to change our mindset, at least.”

Their exchanges were metered, leveled, even-keeled. Both of them testing the waters, not yet ready to throw out any of their pieces onto the board for fear of being struck down.

It occurred to her, in that moment, that a debate was not so different from a battlefield, and that offense had always been her best defense.

“I don’t want to dance around the elephant in the room, to use a human phrase,” she began. “I believe before we can truly speak in earnest, we have to address Aratoht and the destroyed relay.”

She could practically feel the shock rolling off of everyone else in the room, but it merely emboldened her.

“Much of the report I gave to the Alliance was classified, and the trial I underwent was a private judgement, so I am curious as to what you and your dignitaries know about the incident.”

She watched as Grothan looked to his compatriots individually, each of them silently speaking to one another. She could feel her heart beating a drumline in her chest, and her nerves were alight. She had either just bolstered or ruined their chances, and the next few moments would reveal to her the truth. 

“...there remains a lot of… tension about Aratoht, Commander. I will not lie. It is a sensitive subject amongst our people. Three hundred thousand lives lost before the war even begun, three hundred thousand brothers and sisters…”

“I understand, and I hope you believe me when I say I carry the guilt of every single one of those lives to this day, Governor.” She stared him down, a sharp, unwavering look that she hoped conveyed what she felt. “I was aboard the asteroid station that crashed into the relay, and I tried to warn the colony. In truth, I knew there wasn’t much time to begin with, but I had hoped that maybe some might be able to flee, that even a few lives would be saved. But–”

“It was too late the moment you stepped foot aboard that asteroid.”

She turned towards the batarian on Grothan’s right, Ruthak. It took no special skill or experience to read the disgust on his face.

“The moment your people decided they would crash an asteroid into a mass relay in the first place, it was too late for our people.”

She could feel Ashley and James shifting uncomfortably beside her, and Sparatus merely watched the encounter silently. She could tell that if she picked up her hands, they would shake, and so she pressed them firmly against the metal tabletop and took a solid, steadying breath. 

“I agree.” Shepard paused, letting herself take a few breaths, finally putting words to thoughts she hadn’t even known she had. “The Project on that asteroid was out of line. They took their findings and acted on them without oversight or approval. Unfortunately, none of us knew what they were doing, or what they were up to. They had taken a Reaper artifact aboard their station and become indoctrinated.”

“That’s no excuse,” Ruthak replied, anger coating his words.

“No, it’s not. But I’m sure your people understand what that’s like, given what we’ve heard about the Leviathan of Dis.” 

A hush fell over the room, much different than just a few moments before. This quiet was tense, oppressive. 

“The Leviathan of Dis–”

“ –was very similar in essence to what Project Rho was. Except I believe they had different goals, Ruthak.” She sat unwavering in her resolve. “Our people have both been misguided at times. My point is that I would like to be able to work through those problems and find a resolution that would suit not just the people in this room, but all of humanity and batarians, or as many as possible. I don’t believe that we will ever sway all of our people to believe in an alliance between us, but I know that we can get most of them to, if we work hard enough.”

“Well said, Commander.” Grothan offered her what constituted as a batarian smile, and for the first time since she’d stepped foot in the room, she relaxed a little.

Which, in hindsight, was probably the wrong move.

She saw from her peripheral vision Sparatus open his mouth to begin to speak, likely to direct them back to the designated treaty they had generated before the meeting, but she couldn’t hear him. She couldn’t hear anything, other than the sound of five large panels of glass shattering at the other end of the room, tinkling and shattering on top of the sound of what she knew as heavy explosives.

Her instincts kicked in with precision speed as she pushed herself out of her chair and ducked under the table. Her ears were ringing with pain and noise, and she had no idea what was happening, but she knew damn well she wasn’t about to let it happen to her. She braced her shoulder against the middle support leg of the table, trying to push it to move it into a defensive position for them, but despite her best attempts it was too heavy. Until it wasn’t. She felt the metal slab start to shift and tilt until it collapsed on its side, and she turned to see James helping her pick up the slack, looking just as determined but shocked as she was. 

“Ash, protect the Councilor!” She yelled as she grabbed her pistol from its holster. She thanked every god and spirit in Council space that Spectres were allowed to keep their weapons on the Citadel. 

“I’ve got him, Shepard.” Williams’ voice was faint through the piercing ringing in her ears, but she was grateful for that at least. “Moving him out.”

She spared a moment to send an emergency signal to C-SEC with her location and the info that she had the turian councilor with her before she peeked over the top of the table. And her blood boiled at the sight before her. Armed batarians were securing the scene outside the room, on the open-air balcony that connected their conference room with the others in the building. A team was moving in to rush the room, and she knew she needed to act fast.

“Should have known the batarians wouldn’t want peace,” Vega yelled to her as she popped out of cover and fired shots at the four man team, pushing them back into cover.

“ This wasn’t us !”

The governor threw himself behind the table, yelling desperately at them. James moved into a defensive position, unarmed but still incredibly dangerous, but the governor cowered in his place, raising his hands to signal surrender.

“Commander, I swear, this wasn’t my team,” he cried, his eyes panicked. “We didn’t plan this.”

“Someone did,” she sneered, cursing herself and the entire day internally before turning her focus back to their assailants. “Vega, I’m gonna need some help. I’ll down one of them and try to secure a weapon for you. Of all days not to wear my damn hardsuit.”

She followed through on her word and popped out of cover, nailing one of the attacking batarians in the head with two shots. He let out a cry and fell to the ground, bleeding out instantly. She glanced around the floor and saw one of the batarian dignitaries bleeding as well, and the other one unconscious. 

If she could trust Grothan, they were innocents, unfortunate bastards stuck in the same crossfire she was. But if he was lying, if this was part of their plot to catch her off guard, then she would be putting her life even more at risk, and James’ too. 

Shit , she thought, and ducked out of cover to move forward into a more protective position.

It took her only a few swift, trained motions to whip around the edge of the window as she crouched in the pile of broken, shattered glass and grabbed the shotgun the batarian was carrying. She pulled herself flat against the wall, checking the weapon for heat sinks, and then tossed it across the room and behind the table.

“On my mark, Vega.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Three.”

She checked her own pistol, realizing she had enough ammo to take out all of them.

“Two.”

She took a deep breath, steeling herself.

“One. Go!”

They both broke from cover, and shots sprayed through the area. The batarian attackers were well armed, throwing grenades and flashbangs their way, hitting them hard as they attempted to overtake them. A singular look behind her told her that the Governor was trying to carefully pull his companions into cover despite the fighting, and she momentarily wondered if he was telling the truth.

In total, it took no more than a few minutes to dispatch their assailants. C-SEC came blaring onto the scene and helped immobilize the batarians they couldn’t quite reach. It was as they subdued the remaining few that she looked closer at the injured batarian before her. She had her pistol still trained on him even though he’d already been disarmed, and his leg had a bullet wound that was actively bleeding. She stared, and she realized she recognized the man.

“Balak.” She kneeled closer to him, keeping her gun in position. “I should end you here and now for what you did.”

“And you should be rotting in the ground for what you did to our people,” he spat, his voice angry and righteous despite his injury. “I knew I should have killed you at Terra Nova.”

“Did Governor Grothan put you up to this?” She stared at him, a piercing look. She placed her pistol against his head for emphasis.

“That bastard?” Balak laughed, defiant. “We wanted his xenophilic ass gone just as much as you. He’s a traitor to even suggest working alongside your human filth.”

“You don’t have to agree with me, Balak. But you are dooming your people when you act like this.”

Shepard turned and saw that Grothan had approached them from behind. He looked ragged, as if the stress of what they had just endured had aged him in minutes. The most striking thing about his expression, though, was that he looked sad.

“We’re better off dead than working with scum like her, Grothan.” Balak hissed, his hands reaching for his leg instinctively, a reflex that betrayed how much pain he was in. 

“Do you truly believe that? Do you believe your brothers and sisters, all of the mothers and fathers and children in this galaxy, our entire people, should die? We should allow our race to end because of a contentious history?” Grothan shook his head. “I remember when I thought the way you do, Balak. I remember thinking that pain and anger and suffering were a fuel I could use to keep myself burning long enough to exact my warped ideas of revenge against those that had wronged me and our people. But this is no longer about ideals and revenge, Balak.”

Grothan stepped further ahead of them, towards the C-SEC squad cars that interrupted their view of the silvery, peaceful lake. He stared out across the waters, silent for several long moments before he spoke again.

“This war will destroy us. There is no question about it. It has already taken too many of our people. If we lose any more, there will be no future for the batarians.” He placed his hands behind his back and turned to look at Balak once more. “As much as you hate to hear it, we need the humans to cooperate with us if we have any chance of seeing the end of this.”

“And how are you so sure they won’t use that to their advantage? How do you know they won’t turn around and stab us in the back when we’re at our weakest?”

“We aren’t the ones who attacked peace talks between our two people, Balak.” She narrowed her eyes at him. “I don’t like to admit it either, but humanity needs the batarian forces if we’re going to make it out of this at all. And not just humanity, but every other race on the Citadel too. Our forces are spread thin, our people are dying in droves. Now, more than ever, we have to put our grievances aside and cooperate. And when all this is said and done, if the batarians still hate our guts and want us dead, fine, but at least we live to see that day.”

Balak looked at her, and then Grothan, and finally gave into the pain he felt in his leg. He clutched it, curling in on himself. “Everyone I know had a loved one on Arotoht.”

“And I know a lot of damned good people on Terra Nova who aren’t with us anymore either. But us fighting doesn’t bring anyone back. We only lose more.”

He stared at the ground that he was laying on for several silent seconds, and that’s where his eyes remained. “Fine. Our forces are yours.”

Grothan nodded, and a C-SEC agent approached to administer first aid and put him into custody. Shepard stood to her full height and walked away a few steps, shaking out the adrenaline that was still coursing through her body.

“Commander, I apologize. I knew that choosing to work with humanity was a contentious choice, but I did not believe my people would try to intervene like this.”

“Are your dignitaries alright, Governor?”

He looked to the room they were previously in and nodded. “Tihon has a concussion, I believe, and Ruthak was struck by the glass, but both should be fine, thankfully.”

“Well, I’m glad for that.” She turned to who she recognized as the head C-SEC officer on the scene. “And the councilor?”

“Secured, ma’am. Spectre Williams is with him now.”

She let out a sigh. “This could have been a lot worse than it was.”

“I agree,” Grothan said, moving to stand beside her. He pulled up his omni-tool and tapped at the holographic display. “I’m signing the treaty, Commander, and authorizing our forces to work with Alliance command for deployment. We can revisit the terms later, if needed.”

Shepard closed her eyes. “Thank you, Governor. You’ve just saved countless colonists from death.”

“And you just saved what’s left of the batarian race. I should see to my people. I’ll be in contact with you and Admiral Hackett.”

Grothan left, and she felt like she could collapse then and there, the front she had needed to put on fleeing from her. 

There was no such thing as a simple trip to the Citadel, she decided.

—--------------------

“What a day, huh? Can’t believe we just went through that.”

She nodded her head. “Good work with the Councilor, Ash. Hard to think what might have happened if he hadn’t been evacuated.”

“You two save the Council again and they just might finally have to say thank you for once,” James quipped, stretching as they walked through the grounds of the Commons.

“That’ll be the day,” she grinned.

“I’m more surprised that you still pulled off the treaty after that, Skipper. I admit, I was nervous when you brought up the relay, but I guess there were bigger things to worry about.”

She glanced sideways at Ashley, shrugging. “It was better for me to bring it up first, rather than let them do it. That way I could frame it the way I wanted to. More control like that.” 

“Commander Shepard, N7, Spectre, diplomat .” James bumped her arm as they walked. “Nothing stops Lola from a win. Not even a batarian strike squad on Valentine’s Day.”

“Valentine’s Day?” She stopped in her tracks. “That’s today?”

It took a few moments for James and Ashley to realize that she had stopped, and they turned to look at her from a few feet away.

“Oh, yeah,” Ash replied, looking at her omni-tool. “Still is on Earth too. How funny.”

In her head, she was playing back the morning she had, how Garrus had brought her coffee, asked her for some time that evening. 

“Shit.” She cursed herself aloud. She felt like a fool for missing what he had been asking.

“Ho ho, does Shepard have some spicy plans she forgot about?” Vega waggled his eyebrows at her.

Ashley scoffed, laughing at the idea. “Shepard? Are we talking about the same person here?”

“Yeah, I’m sure her and Garrus wouldn’t miss the opportunity to celebrate a little.” He was grinning wide, enjoying the ribbing he was giving his commander.

But Ashley looked more confused, turning between James and Shepard, the cogs in her brain working overtime. “Garrus? As in our Garrus? As in the turian ?”

All at once, it was like her world came crashing into crystal clear focus, outlined by panic and embarrassment. She hadn’t told Ashley about her relationship with Garrus, but she hadn’t told anyone else about it either. The sharp eyes and gossiping hens aboard the Normandy had discovered it for themselves. She assumed that at some point, someone had filled Williams in.

“Congrats, Vega, you’ve just earned yourself a week of maintenance logs for all the equipment in the cargo hold.” She crossed her arms, desperately wanting the entire conversation to be done. “My business is mine, and mine alone.”

“Yeah, I… earned that,” he said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. “Sorry, Shepard.”

“Wait, you’re being serious?” Ashley stepped forward, getting closer to her. “You’re really in a relationship with Garrus?”

Her heart was a hammer in her chest. It was pounding so loud that it was nearly all she could focus on. 

“I’m not doing this right now,” she muttered, pushing past Ashley. “Not after the bullshit we just went through.”

“Commander, wait–”

She didn’t stop moving. “The Normandy is leaving in a few hours. I’ll be back.”

Shepard stormed away, heading for the nearest elevator she could find. She practically threw herself inside of it, and locked the doors as they closed with her Spectre codes. It took only seconds for her to press her back into the wall of the elevator and slide downwards, finally giving up on the final thread of sanity and patience she had for that day.

On some level, she knew that this conversation would come up sooner or later. If not from Ashley, then someone else. Someone who looked at her and Garrus as human and turian, a mismatched pair, something foreign and incompatible. She held no illusions about the millions of ways that they shouldn’t work together, but she was constantly amazed and delighted by the millions of more reasons that they did . Seeing that from the outside, though, was not so easy.

She set her head against the tops of her knees, literally holding herself together. It felt like she had just finished patching things up with Ash. They had finally gotten back to some semblance of solid ground. And now that was gone too.

She opened her omni-tool and brought up Garrus’ information, calling him right away.

“Shepard? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, it is now, at least.” She sighed. “Batarians attacked during our talks. We took care of it.”

“Spirits.” Even through the omni-tool, she could hear the rumble in his subvocals. “Anyone hurt?”

“Just the attackers. Our batarian dignitaries took some damage, but they’ll be alright. We got the treaty, too.”

“Leave it to you, Shepard.”

“Hey, listen,” she said, tucking her hair behind one of her ears. “Are you on the Citadel right now? Do you want to meet up?”

“I, uh… I’m a little busy, actually.”

“Oh,” she said, a singular note of surprise. “Okay. Do you need any help?”

“No! No.” His voice was fast, and she could hear him clear his throat over the call. “I’ve got it covered, Shepard. I’ll catch up with you later, alright?”

“Yeah, sounds good. I’ll see you later, then.” She was grateful that there was no video to catch the expression on her face as she spoke.

She ended the call, and felt worse than ever. Had she upset him earlier when she didn’t commit to free time later? She hadn’t realized it was Valentine’s Day, but she wouldn’t put it past Garrus to have found out and tried to plan something to surprise her with. She could always count on him understanding how demanding her workload was, especially with the knowledge that if she didn’t do it, it put millions of lives on the line. But maybe she had been too cold, too distant. 

Well, there was only one way she could see to fix the situation.

She pulled herself up from the floor of the elevator and unlocked it, punching in the floor that would give her access to the Wards at large, and she began doing research on her omni-tool.

—-----------

It had taken her nearly two hours in total to gather everything she needed, and she practically had to bribe one salarian shopkeeper to deliver her purchases to the Normandy before they were scheduled to depart, but she’d gotten the gifts she needed for Garrus. It was shitty, in a way, to try to make up for her mistake with gifts, but she hoped he could see her intentions at least. 

She had the tracking information up on her omni-tool as she walked through the docking bay, confirming that it was still headed to the ship, which is how she managed to walk nearly face first into Ashley as she entered the final door before the boarding tunnel.

“Shepard!” Ashley nearly jumped out of her skin as she pushed herself backwards, looking like a hot wire had poked her. 

“Whoa, I’m sorry Ash, I… I wasn’t paying attention.” She shook her head, closing her omni-tool and taking a moment to gather her bearings. 

She looked at the woman, and then to the ground, and she was sure that Ashley did the same from where she stood. The atmosphere was awkward. Shepard had hoped that she could avoid the woman until the next day, at least, to give herself some time to think about what she wanted to say, the best way to respond to what Ashley would undoubtedly ask her. But instead, there she was, confronted with it almost immediately, the final block between her and getting back aboard her ship.

“Shepard, I think we need to talk for a minute.”

She sighed, and nodded, and then used her Spectre codes for the second time that day to lock the doors so they wouldn’t be interrupted. If she was going to do this, she wasn’t going to be interrupted at least.

“Alright. Let’s talk then.”

Ashley shifted her weight from foot to foot. “Commander, I didn’t mean to react that way when Vega said that about you and Garrus. I was still all amped up from the fight, and I wasn’t thinking right.”

Shepard crossed her arms over her chest again, a reflexive movement, as if she were guarding herself. “If that was your reaction, Ash, then that’s how you felt. I don’t expect an apology for that.”

“No, that’s not– Ugh, this is harder than I thought it would be.” Ashley ran her hair through her fingers, rustling it with frustration. “Look, Shepard, I was just surprised is all. I didn’t think I could picture you with anyone in a… romantic sense, let alone with a turian.”

She felt her jaw flex, and she worked to keep it relaxed. “Not just a turian.”

“I know,” the woman responded, her voice growing in volume. “With Garrus. Of all people.”

“And what’s so wrong with that?” She felt her temper crack, but she was too tired and too finished with the entire day to restrain it any further. “The turians are our allies, Ashley. Garrus has been by my side since this whole thing started. He fought with me against Saren, he had my back against the Collectors. He’s here, now, when his world is on fire and his people are dying. Because he knows I need him. And part of me hopes that he needs me too.”

She walked past the woman, across the small room towards the window that looked out at where the Normandy was docked. It was gleaming against the light of the Citadel, a marvel, as it always had been, of human and turian engineering. 

“I know how you feel about the other races, Ashley. And about turians especially. But I won’t apologize or make any excuses for how I feel. I’ve pulled this galaxy from the brink more times than I can count. The least I deserve is the chance to love the person I love, freely, without complaint.”

“How long have you felt like this?”

She didn’t turn around when she answered. “I knew when we were fighting the Collectors. I had… wondered, when we were hunting down Saren. But there was no time to even think about it back then.”

“And you’re… sure? This isn’t just because of close quarters and high stress?” 

“I’m sure that I would do anything for him. I’m sure that I’d go to the end of the galaxy to save him. I’m sure that I trust his judgement just as much as my own.” She sucked in a breath. “So yeah, I’m sure.”

Shepard brought up her omni-tool once again, and authorized the locks to disengage. “Like I’ve said, I understand your feelings, Ashley. But I am who I am. And if that’s not something you can abide by, then I understand that too. I’d ask that you let me know now, so we can work on reassigning you before we leave the docks.”

“Reassigning me…?” 

Shepard felt a hand on her shoulder, and she turned to face Ashley with a confused look on her face.

“Shepard, I don’t want to leave the Normandy. I don’t… I don’t have a problem with you and Garrus, not like that.” She squeezed Shepard’s shoulder gently, just for a moment. “I’m just… worried about you. It seems like at every turn there’s something else going on with you. I’ve seen what you’re dealing with, and I know you’re under more pressure than any person should be. I just wanted to make sure that… well, that you weren’t being taken advantage of.”

She pulled her eyebrows together at the thought, and then all at once she laughed. A loud, explosive noise that blanketed the small room. 

“Ash, I propositioned Garrus,” she said between breaths. “Hell, I nearly had to talk him into it to begin with. It’s him you should be concerned with.”

Ashley’s face went pale and then bright red so quickly that she was half-concerned the woman would faint, but she stood firm where she was. “Oh, I… I see.”

“Is that really what this was about, Williams?” She pulled herself together, straightening her posture once more. 

“Mostly, yeah. But also it’s just… I know we settled the score and put the past behind us. But I can’t get over the feeling that you aren’t the person I knew when I met you on the SR-1. You still kick as much ass, of course, but you aren’t the same Shepard that I… I looked up to.”

“People change,” she said softly. “What we’ve seen, it changes a person. I had to adapt to make it through what I have. You have too, you just haven’t seen it yet.”

“Really?”

Shepard smiled. “Yeah, three years ago if I would have told you I was in love with a turian, I think you would have jumped out of the Normandy in an escape shuttle and told the Alliance I was unfit for duty.”

At that, Ashley laughed, and she could feel the tension quietly exit the room. “Yeah, you might be right about that, Shepard.”

“You’re a good soldier, Ash, and a better woman. I’ve lost a lot of friends to this war, but I don’t want to lose you too.” She stuck out her hand for them to shake. “Are we still good?”

Ashley looked down at her hand, and pushed it aside to grab Shepard instead, pulling her into a hug. “We’re good, Shep. Sorry for… everything. I hope I didn’t ruin your day.”

Shepard embraced her too, giving Ashley a tight hug. The first they’d ever shared, she realized. “If a group of batarian assassins couldn’t mess it up, I doubt you could, Williams. But I might have screwed the whole thing up already anyway.”

She pulled back and gave Shepard a questioning look. “What do you mean?”

“I kinda brushed Garrus off this morning. Not intentionally. I’ve been swamped with work since I woke up. I was getting my day in order and I didn’t realize what today even was. So.” She shrugged. “It’s not that big a deal, in the grand scheme of things anyway.”

“Let me make it up to you, then. What do you need help with?”

“Ash, it’s fine, you don’t have to–”

“I want to, Commander. It’s the least I can do to apologize. I can handle it.”

Shepard smiled and relented. “Well, Engineering is slated for an inspection today.”

“Got it. I’ll talk to Adams and get it done.”

“And I’ve got some Spectre expense reports to turn in.”

“I can do them with mine, they’ll be nearly identical anyway since we’re on the same ship.”

“Alright. And the last thing… Well, I don’t know if you can manage it.”

Ashley stood up straight, holding herself tall. “Hit me with it, ma’am. I won’t let you down.”

She grinned, breaking her facade, and raised an eyebrow at the woman. “I want you to let yourself have a break tonight. Enjoy some time to relax. Maybe have a drink with Vega?”

The red returned to Ashley’s face with surprising speed. “Vega? I mean– It’s not– I don’t–”

“I was teasing you, Williams. Looks like it worked a little too well.”

Ashley huffed a little. “I guess I deserve that too.” 

“Maybe just a little. Come on, you’ve got work to do, Lieutenant Commander.”

—-------------------------

In the end, it had taken them nearly another hour to depart after she boarded the Normandy. 

EDI wanted them to go through their entire routine and checklist, ‘just to be safe.’ She explained that they would soon be headed towards Geth space and there would be little they could do if something failed that far away from home shores. And then the salarian had finally showed up with the purchases she had made and she had to grab them and dash to the elevator and deposit them outside of her cabin before anyone could ask what was in them. And then Sparatus had called to thank her and Ashley for their assistance in protecting him earlier, which surprised her as much as it irritated her for delaying her even further. 

But then they were in the air, and the crew was seeing to their duties, and she was free to slip away and up to her room at last. 

The elevator ride was short, but she opened her omni-tool anyway and sent a message to Garrus.

Busy? My room is free if you have some time.

The elevator stopped moving and the door opened, but she stood in place watching her screen. She waited a minute, and no response. Usually Garrus was good about replying quickly. 

Shepard looked up and saw the small pile of packages outside of her door, and sighed. 

She would take care of the gifts and shower, clear her mind, and then go and hunt Garrus down and see what all of this was about.

It took her a little finagling, but she scooped up the containers in her arms, turning around to open the door with her shoulder. She walked in, thinking about how foolish it was to buy the gifts in the first place, as if they could fix whatever it was they were dealing with between them, only to see her cabin transformed.

The room was covered in petals, red and pink and white, and the smell hit her nose almost immediately. They were fresh, whatever flower they had come from. The lights had been dimmed, and dotted around the room were small, glowing lights. They sat on her desk, her shelf, next to her fish tank, around her bed. And there was the softest sound of music coming from the speakers in her room, a gentle song, something she’d never heard before. And standing in the middle of it all, next to a table laden with food and drink, was Garrus Vakarian.

“Garrus?” She couldn’t stop herself from grinning despite herself. “You did all this?”

“It was a rush job,” he admitted, stepping forward just a bit. He cleared his throat and seemed to remember whatever air he had wanted to put on. “But I wanted the best for you, Shepard.”

“Ah, so that’s why EDI had me go through all the regulations before we took off, to buy you some time. And I assume that’s what you were busy with earlier.” She glanced around the room again. “You’ve outdone yourself this time, Vakarian.”

Garrus’ senses caught up with him, and he noticed the packages in her arms. “What are those?”

She was grateful for the dim lighting, because she could feel herself blush. “They’re… yours. I got them for you, for Valentine’s Day. I was… worried that you were upset with me earlier.”

“Upset with you?” Garrus looked at her appraisingly, as if trying to piece together a puzzle. “I’ve felt a lot of things about you, but upset has never been one of them. But it looks like we had similar ideas, at least.”

“Yours looks better,” she laughed, and finally stepped towards him all the way, holding out her arms so he could grab several of the gifts. “You are surprisingly hard to shop for, I’ve discovered.”

He took two of the plain containers and eyed them carefully, his mandibles twitching. “This one feels like a gun mod.”

“Don’t spoil the surprise,” she laughed and rolled her eyes, nudging him towards the couches. “Is that sushi?”

“Yeah, picked it up from one of the best places on the Citadel. I might have had to throw your name around to get it.”

“Smooth talker.”

“What can I say, it’s the famous Vakarian charm. Drives all the ladies crazy.”

They settled against the cushions and spread the presents between them, and she let out a breath that she felt like she’d been holding the entire day. To have the chance to sit in her room, transformed and decorated just for her, the entire mess of her day set squarely aside for the evening… her heart swelled with gratitude for the man she was lucky enough to call hers. 

“So, you fended off a batarian attack, struck a peace treaty with them, and still managed to have time for shopping.” Garrus draped one of his arms across the couch so that he could rest his hand at the back of her neck. “Busy day.”

She laughed, mirthful and lax and at ease. “Sure, you could say that. But tell me, how did you think up this, Garrus? Did you consult your collection of vids again?”

“I can’t reveal all my secrets, Shepard. But I did my research.” With his other hand he grabbed one of the packages. “I’m dying to know what’s in these. Can I?”

That was enough to evoke another peal of laughter from her, and she nodded, watching as he tore into them. She’d given him a mod kit for his sniper rifle, a bottle of turian wine, a dress shirt that she’d had to eyeball for size but she had to get if only to see him wear it at least once, a salve that the turian shopkeep swore that Garrus would love for his talons, and–

“Is this…?”

“Cipritine. That’s where you were born, right?”

Garrus turned his eyes from her to the holodeck in his hands. It was a replica of the capital city of Palaven, complete with its armored buildings and sleek architecture. She had seen a merchant selling them, trying to raise funds for refugees, and she’d paid double what they had asked for it. 

“Shepard, this is…” He paused, letting the city shine up at him for a few more moments. “I never thought I’d see Cipritine again. Not like this.”

“It’s not the same as seeing it in person, but it’s at least something.”

He looked up at her, with an expression in his eyes that made her breath catch in her throat. “It’s perfect, Shepard.”

She pushed aside the packaging that separated them and moved closer, bringing her arms around his torso to hold him close. “You deserve so much, Garrus. And that’s what Valentine’s Day is about. Finding ways to show the people you love exactly what they mean to you.”

Garrus leaned forward, setting his forehead against hers and leaving only the barest space between their faces. 

“You never cease to amaze me. You are full of wonders,” he whispered. “I’m just grateful to be by your side through it all.”

She closed the space and planted her lips against his mouth, and he leaned into her almost immediately.