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The sunlight diffused through her translucent curtains as the blanket tenderly caressed Faruzan’s skin, wrapping her in its embrace, and her hand’s gentle touch wound its way up her torso, quiet murmurs escaping her lips as the mattress yielded to accommodate her every little roll and turn. The room was painted the lightest of turquoises by the sun through her curtains, her favorite color, and from the bakery below her simple home the smell of today’s batch wafted in. Sunk into the warm hold of her bed, feeling the smooth fabric slide under her skin, Faruzan could almost begin to love herself.
She gasped as her fingers slid to the underside of her clit, rubbing small circles underneath it. She felt her warmth gather in her cheeks, felt the wetness below, getting on her fingers, making them glide smoothly over the spots that sent waves of pleasure washing through her. She curled her toes in response, pulling her knees further apart on the bed, kicking her legs gently as her fingers rubbed faster. Her other hand had finished its slow journey up her thigh, past her hips, and was now resting over her breast. She turned her head and a muffled squeal emerged from her pillow as her fingers sank into her soft flesh, a cool sensation radiating through her body, heralded by the rising of goosebumps, making her arch her back slightly, lifting her body off the bed just a little. She continued to squeeze, squeezed harder, gasping for air and pleasure in equal part, pulling and tugging on herself. A needy whine broke out from her lips as a finger brushed over her erect nipple, and suddenly her hand abandoned abusing her breast to take her nipple between two fingers that pinched down and began to slide against each other. She kicked her legs again, her feet sliding across the end of the bed until they were dangling off the edge, thighs wide apart, and now her back was in the air, her shoulders and hips pressing sharply into the mattress, her body tensed, and still her whine did not fade, though her teeth bit into her lip and her eyes were squeezed tightly shut and her fingers clasped her nipple so tight pain and pleasure blended into one.
A choked breath forced its way out of her mouth and Faruzan gasped for breath as her fingers let her nipple go to tenderly trace circles over her other nipple and she sank back into the bed. Only then did she realize she had been rubbing hard at her clit, and she slowed down, sliding her fingers down between her folds, circling over her vagina, letting them brush over her clit on their trips around her vulva but not pressing back down on it. As she slowly opened her hazy eyes, she could feel her heart beating, hear it in her ears, muffling the sounds of the outside world as her unfocused eyes blurred everything into a cloudy turquoise mist, her favorite color. Faruzan felt adrift on the golden waves of pleasure gently rocking her body to and fro, enveloped in the featureless turquoise all around her, drowning in her languid breaths and her steady heartbeats. Here she was alone, alone to pleasure herself accompanied by only her memories.
When she felt the need build up enough, Faruzan allowed her fingers to return to her clit, and immediately, her thighs snapped shut, knees pressing firmly together, rolling onto her side. She buried her face into the pillow and bit into it, moans streaming out of her even as her hand could only flick one slick-covered finger over her clit, squeezed by her legs clenching. She pushed her elbow out so her other hand, splayed across her chest, could touch both her nipples at once, one with her thumb and one with her little finger. Her teeth let go of her pillow so she could pull her head down, further down as her back curled inwards. The pleasure radiating out from her nipples and her clit was driving her need, driving her tensed body to release it somewhere, and her legs pressed so tightly together began to move, spasmic, meaningless actions, her knees grinding past one another, her calves and feet sliding across the unresisting sheets, until she was almost crying out from her finger’s relentless motion between her legs kicking erratically in circles. Faruzan finally allowed her contorted body to relax by slowing down and rolling back onto her back, legs opening slightly as her finger slowly moved up and down the length of her clit, from the underside all the way up to where the pleasure faded, and her other hand slumped onto the bed, grasping lazily at thin air.
She felt so warm. Her entire vulva was hot to the touch, of course, and her cheeks were flushed, bathing her head in a numbing blanket of heat. But Faruzan’s entire body felt like it was swimming in a golden, warm river, buffeted by soft currents of pleasure. Her little shivers as she slipped off her dress and her underclothes and laid onto the bed had subsided. Instead, she felt like she was almost glowing, or like she was about to dissipate into soft beams of light dissolving into the sleepy turquoise flooding her room, her favorite color. She tossed her head lazily from side to side, just taking in the wetness between her legs. She loved feeling herself get wetter, loved touching the slick that came out of her, her body’s resonant sign. She loved the thought that she would put out this fluid to facilitate herself getting entered into, a signal for others to take her and spread her insides. She loved to taste it, like she was tasting herself, she loved coating her fingers in it and seeing the strands that refused to break as she spread her fingers apart. Faruzan blinked at her glistening fingers. Her clit was aching to be touched again, but another desire was more pressing. She closed her eyes and plunged three fingers into her mouth, wet sucking sounds filling the room as her tongue slid between her fingers, lapping up her own juices. In her mind, she saw herself cleaning her slick off someone’s penis with a most disgraceful expression of delight on her face. She sighed as she pulled her fingers out of her mouth. All these thoughts had only wound her up, and Faruzan, body and soul, wanted more. More that she could finally have.
Faruzan giggled quietly to herself as she brought her wet hand across her body, showing it off to an imaginary audience, smearing herself across her chest, her stomach, her breasts. She decided to tease her body just a bit more. She didn’t care if she ended up screaming when she orgasmed. This body was hers, and she could play with it however she wanted. Her heels dug into the mattress as she brought her hands up to grasp, push, and yank at her breasts, ravishing them like she was a treasure too precious to let any part unenjoyed. Incoherent sounds began to come from her throat, choked, desperate, wordlike sounds. Her lips mouthed pleading words for those sounds to voice, begging to stop or for more only Faruzan knew. They were cut off by a breathy moan when her hands turned to take her nipples, brushing all five fingers over them lightly, then firmly, tracing ever-tightening circles around her areolas until they were rubbing her nipples down into her breasts, clasping them between two fingers and tormenting them with the endless circular motion. Her heels ploughed troughs on the bed as her torso writhed to and fro, never able to escape the touch of her fingers. She finally let herself go as the overwhelming need for release made her begin to whimper so loudly that she grew seriously worried people downstairs could hear. She let out a satisfied sigh at the slippery state of her chest. She brought the hand responsible for covering herself with her slick up to her chin so she could suck absentmindedly on a finger as she dipped the fingers of her other hand between her folds to coat them in more fluids to rub her clit with. But when they pressed against the entrance of her vagina, Faruzan froze.
Subtle tingles ran up her spine as her mind spun back around to the thought of sinking her fingers into her vagina, what she’d wanted for so long. Faruzan had these thoughts before, but always refrained from seriously entertaining them. But this time, another thought raised its voice that she did not expect.
It’s what she would’ve wanted her to do. Faruzan knew, she knew through the hundred hazy years spent in that puzzle, she knew through the tidal wave of emotions that dashed against her when she returned to a Sumeru that no longer welcomed her, she knew through the countless meetings where she plead her case to an institution that did not need her anymore, she knew through wandering past the unfamiliar smells and tunes of the Grand Baazar, that she had once promised her that she would be the first person to get to stick their fingers into Faruzan’s vagina.
She had made that promise to her, and then they’d waited. Waited for an opportunity, waited for a clue, waited for an invention or a miracle to fall out of the sky. And to say that Faruzan was beyond elated when she’d cobbled together enough deciphered inscriptions, mysterious power sources, and vaguely-understood devices scavenged from ruins and flea markets and genuine antique ships all across Sumeru to feel her body actually changing, finally bending to her will to become the cast she was meant to be molded as, would not do justice to her feelings.
But she had been out on an expedition of her own when Faruzan returned to the Akademiya, and she had thought that she had enough time to do a quick, short expedition back into the desert to simply chart a small ruin that had been discovered. When she came back, the two of them could go explore it in depth together.
Every waking moment and every moment in her dreams, Faruzan regretted her decision.
Amid the sprawling inscriptions on the stone floor and the broken stones equally covered with carved deductions both true and false, having resigned herself to die but to leave enough steps to save whoever might be trapped here next, only two things comforted Faruzan. Her breasts that had just grown large enough to cup in her hands, and the slim, foolish hope that she had not been in here for too long, that by some miracle she could leave or be discovered and rescued, and she could go back to her, see again her soft, turquoise eyes, her favorite color.
She had promised. And Faruzan had intended to keep that promise. But she had had to change her mind more times than she could remember, more than one hundred years later. She’d began to wonder if clinging to her promise was just another way she couldn’t let go of the past. Just another way of pretending things could still go back to the they were.
Her fingers still perched over her vagina, trembling softly. Her breath was shaky, just imagining what her fingers would feel like inside her. She felt her body secrete more fluids in anticipation.
Because Faruzan knew, she wouldn’t hold her to her promise if she knew. She’d shake her head and ask with that always patient smile of hers why Faruzan was denying herself pleasure and the joy of exploring the entirety of the body she’d always wanted and the love she owed to herself. She’d tell her that what she wants most is for Faruzan to be happy and whole, and she’d put a delicate finger to her lips at her protest and remind Faruzan that she was not her, she was still someone even without her, she could be whole by herself.
She swallowed. Then, she planted her feet on the bed, and rolled her hips back slightly.
She felt like her spirit was in this room, gently cooing, coaxing her on.
Her clit, her entire vulva was aching with anticipation, but she forced herself to go slow. She had come this far, she didn’t need to ruin it by being too hasty. She rubbed her fingers between her folds, almost scooping up her slick to get them soaked in it. She could feel her heart beating rhythmically in her chest, feel the warmth over her like a thick blanket. Then, she brought the tip of a finger against her vagina, and pressed down slowly.
She sucked her breath in as she felt herself parting, much more easily than she’d anticipated, momentary nothingness before registered her finger inside her, feeling her walls reflexively clench around her finger. It was in her, but not all the way. She began to slide it deeper, further into her, and her other hand grasped at the blanket and an unbearably erotic moan spilled out of her mouth as indescribable pleasure pounded throughout her body. Then, her finger was all the way in, and she found herself immediately pulling it out and pushing it back in, only for it to not feel anywhere near as good as it did.
A dissatisfied whimper escaped her, and she lined another finger up and impatiently stuck it into herself.
Faruzan cried out as her back arched, her nails digging into the blanket and her legs trembling. She had gone too fast, the pleasure mixed with the stinging was too overwhelming, and it took her a few moments to catch her breath before she pulled her two fingers out. And again, sliding them back in did not bring the ecstasy back. So she brought a third finger up.
As her three fingers slid into her, this time slowly, deliberately, a long, soft sigh left her lips, and her hand gradually loosened its grip on the blanket to return to her breast. And when they had sunk in all the way into her, Faruzan momentarily thought that she’d climaxed.
The returning need for more soon flooded back into her, though, and she began to move her fingers in and out, in and out. It did not feel as good as the first time, but it felt good enough; she could not deny the warmth radiating through her whole body from head to toe as she pumped her fingers. There had been a bit of discomfort and a bit of getting used to, but she was almost giddy with how effortlessly her vagina swallowed up her fingers.
Her eyes closed, and those turquoise eyes came back. Eyes that had flashed at her in that lecture room, eyes that had gazed softly into hers on that night. She remembered the way they would look at her, full of love and tender care, but also the sort of ravenous, greedy lust that she reserved only for Faruzan and Faruzan adored so much. Licking her up the entire length of her body the first time she had stripped for her, and every time after that, staring with unconcealed hunger at Faruzan’s bare body, her thin, frail legs that she herself loved, her bony, flat chest that she herself hated. Opening for a brief second with self-satisfied conceit just to tease her with the knowledge that she wasn’t anywhere close to losing control, prompting Faruzan to drive her fingers even faster into her, just like she was doing to herself now, to louder moans but not the slight hint of a loss of composure.
Looking down at her with mock condescension as her hands, tangled in her hair, pulled her head to her vulva while her own hands, the hands that were now pushing relentlessly into her vagina and grabbing at her breasts, struggled against the ropes binding them together behind her back. Calling her in her pathetic, submissive, helpless state “Madam Faruzan,” a revelation that not only made her whole face flush red and her nearly orgasm right then and there and spill her semen all over her thighs, but which she clung to and which she gladly indulged her in until the whole Akademiya was addressing her by that title.
Narrowed in a conspiratorial and teasing smile as Faruzan blushed, stammering out her admission that the idea of the two of them having sex with someone else together was indeed very appealing. Boring into her soul with devious intent as she outlined a fantasy where Faruzan would be forced to pleasure her with her mouth while a man—a friend, a stranger, whatever—plowed into her vagina that she did not yet have, watching in amusement as Faruzan nigh-on melted under the weight of that shameful, delicious fantasy, the tug on her wrist leading to her fingers brushing against wet slick, and those brilliant turquoise eyes.
Her moans, now loud and frantic, filled the room, and she no longer cared if people outside could hear it. Her legs had lifted, her feet in the air, still not as flexible and far back as she wanted but that didn’t matter. She had rolled her hips back more, so her fingers had an easier time driving down into her, and every time she pushed them in her thumb brushed over her clit to flood her with merciless tides of bliss, tides of bliss that had wound her up almost to her breaking point. In her delirium of heat and pleasure and longing and joy, a single thought came to Faruzan before her orgasm: she would never again deny herself the love she so owed to herself.
A series of shrill whines bordering on screams poured out of her as she orgasmed, her vagina clenching tightly around her fingers one moment before letting them go just to grasp them again, her legs writhing in the air as she squirmed side to side on the bed, and every thought in her mind was replaced with the searing glow that coursed through her veins. Her heartbeat roared in her ears as it slowly faded, her whines quieting, becoming more subdued, more content than needy, and her hand slowed its pumping until with a final groan she pulled it out, rolling onto her side. In the haze that blanketed her mind, she stuck her fingers into her mouth, fluids and discharge and all, and sucked it all off, savoring the taste. Her own taste, all of it.
“Farah…” Her name came out in a blissful sigh. She would be happy now, she knew. She wouldn’t mind her taking the chance to masturbate, to explore and play with and love her own body. If she was still here, she would hold her and praise her with the softest words, tease the myriad of fantasies that had flooded into her as she masturbated out of her, promise to help her fulfil them, all of them, and then lightly hit her on the head and admonish her for thinking of such futile things like ‘if she was still here.’
“I’ll go get it. I’ll go get it all, everything I’ve waited too long for. For you, and for me.”
She repeated her name like a prayer, whispering it to herself over and over, before finally concluding with the only thing she could say to her.
“Thank you.”