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Stede Bonnet had loved many things in his life.
He had loved his wife, he had loved his kids, he loved his crew, but none of those thing came close to how much he found himself in love with his co-captain Edward Teach.
Too bad he had realized it too late.
He had let cowardice and insecurities conquer him and bring his away from his love, his soulmate.
They were tied together with a bond few can ever experience in their lifetime. Ever since he had saved his life, Stede warmed up to the not so cruel pirate to the point where he could see the kindness and fear that hid behind his deep dark eyes. Even so, he recognized the man’s strengths and upon seeing his dark side, he still had found himself deeply enamoured with the pirate.
Of course this did not mean that he could not stand his ground, in fact, he was very vocal about his needs, his motto was “we talk it through, as a crew” after all.
At least, he thought he was. His feeling for Blackbeard were not something that could’ve been discussed easily. Not because of shame or disgust, he was pretty okay with that actually. After all, he was used to Lucius and his crew’s endeavours. And from what Calico Jack had said during his visit, it had seemed that the experience was not foreign to his co-captain either.
However, what had stopped him was his own self doubt. He was too afraid the words of his father, echoed by the Badmington brothers, were true. He was far too scared that he would become the ruin of Blackbeard. In fact, if it wasn’t for him, he would still have his black beard!
So he had done what he knew best, he ran.
He ran back to his old life, leaving the love of his life waiting on the deck for hours. His guts churned at the thought.
Stede had tried to fit in once more, in an environment that had long forgotten him. He knew the nobles ‘ society was not his, it never had been, but upon seeing how fast his wife had moved on, he could not have helped to feel anything but shocked.
He had tried to force himself into her perfectly adjusted life, but only brought pain to the table and re-opened wounds already forgotten.
Yet, his soul was still in conflict, so much so that he ended up spilling in front of his wife, reassured by her presence.
Once he had finally made his decision and cleared his heart, it was too late. Blackbeard was already long gone, only the ghost of his lips and the echoes of his laughter left behind.
So he decided to take a leap of faith and left.
The fuckery had worked and now he was sailing, well, rowing, to his destiny with only a few dimes to his name and this time, he would make sure not to run.
He spent days at sea, a consistent stubble taking place on his face and a slight sunburn on his cheeks He definitely didn’t look like a gentleman anymore, but that did not stop him. He had far more important things at mind.
He was following the tracks of his boat, stopping every now and then on some land to take a breath, find more supplies and ask some information regarding his Revenge.
This whole endeavour continued until the sun did not bother him as much anymore, hands showing his hard work.
He had stopped at the capital of the Pirate’s republic when he stumbled upon a familiar face.
Lucius was amicably chatting with Pete, both looking more malnourished then he remembered.
A sense of relief filled him, as he approached his, once lost, family. He immediately started with an apology, tears betraying his firm voice. Stede had pondered many times what to say to his crew if he found them again, and now all the preparation was giving its fruits. They were both surprised to see him, their eyes wide like they’d seen a ghost. Then, something shifted into place and they both smiled warmly and Stede saw Pete’s hand leave a gold coin onto his partner’s one, who promptly smirked victorious.
Lucius immediately jumped into a long explanation of the events Stede had missed.
He talked about the silence that had filled the deck when Blackbeard had climbed the boat alone, he talked about how everything had changed in his absence, it got colder, more distant. There was no one to read them bed time stories, although few had tried but got punished for it.
At some point, he mentioned how the Kraken had abandoned the crew on a deserted island, but kept Jim with him.
He also started ranting about how miserable the captain had looked during that time, and how unfair it was that he had been thrown off board (Stede audibly gasped) just because he was trying to help.
At the description of the state in which Ed was in, Stede’s heart was squeezed by guilt and anger, both towards himself and the other captain for what he had done to the crew.
Luckily Lucius had managed to get rescued by a nearby boat and, thanks to his incredible charisma (his words not Stede’s) he assured himself a place on board. During the boat’s sail they stumbled upon the abandoned island where the crew had been left to die and so they were rescued too.
When they had reached shore, they took control of the boat and elected Oluwande as captain and decided to chase Blackbeard’s ship in a desperate, and suicidal, in Lucius’ opinion, attempt to rescue Jim and take back their ship. Companionship and a sense of revenge were pushing them ahead.
The crew had taken a brief stop in the republic to buy, and by buy they meant steal, some weapons for the fight.
They chatted for hours, catching up for the missed time. Apparently buttons was now an uncle since his new Seagull had laid an egg. It was peaceful for a while, until Stede asked them to talk to the rest of the crew.
Lucius and Pete had given eachother the side eye and reluctantly agreed.
Stede understood why only after meeting with the rest of the group.
They were upset and angry, understandably so. They had felt betrayed by their captain who left them behind in the hands of a monster while forfeiting all they had built together.
Stede felt incredibly bad, but after a round of drinks and the longest and most sob inducing apology, everything was forgiven. Not forgotten, but Stede was pretty contempt with forgiven. He swore he would protect them from now on and he would only leave them in case of death. The Sweed had rebuked that he would keep his bones so he could stay on the boat forever.
Creepy, but touching nonetheless and more than Stede had hoped for.
Oluwande did not mind forfeiting his position to Stede, being satisfied with first mate. Stede did not miss his sigh of relief, when the change had been confirmed.
And so, they spent the rest of the night partying and having fun in their own little bubble. Steve managed to convince them to avoid a direct attack, assuring them that he would get a talk with the dreaded Blackbeard and solve the situation more swiftly. Many had given him a raised eyebrow, but no one opposed the statement. If anything went wrong, they would still attack, of course.
At the end of the night, they presented their captain with their new, and hopefully temporary, boat.
The built was comparatively shabbier to the one Stede was used to, but after spending weeks on a row boat, it had felt like a really luxurious vessel.
Everything had almost shifted back to how it once was. Almost, because Stede still received side glances sometimes and some mean jokes here and there. Nevertheless, they were a family once again. This time, Stede was sure he would not leave it.
And so they sailed together, chasing two lost lovers at sea.
One, kidnapped by a monster, the other, lost to himself.
It took them a month exactly, to finally find them. At that point, Stede’s beard was more than well set in. He had refused to shave, despite being able to. He wanted Ed to see his commitment, he wanted to prove to himself something too.
They docked at the coast of a small village to fill back on the oranges, as to avoid another scurvy accident. Too many teeth had been lost on that day.
There, they saw it.
The Revenge in all its glory. Well, not all of it.
The flag was different and it had more holes than Stede remembered.
It looked like no one was on it. Except maybe one person. Stede squinted his eyes to focus on the imagine
He shivered upon noticing a body, one he did not recognize, attached to the mainmast.
The rest of the crew had already scattered. He knew this was something he had to do on his own.
He asked a near passer-by if he saw anyone come down of that ship and received a bad look, but a positive answer.
So he started looking around the village, in search of a face he had been picturing in his dreams for the last few months.
He stumbled upon a reflective metal armour and took a moment to look at himself. He seemed more manlier than he ever had, beard, a noticeable tan and messy air from the salt water. He tried fixing them with his hand. Then he focused on his body.
He was wearing normal clothes, a bit on the ragged side but he did not miss some accessory to add a touch of gentleman to his outfit, nothing too expensive but just enough to make him feel like himself.
He had not lost weight, yet his muscles were more defined. His arms were visible due to the cuffed sleeves and anyone could see they had gotten significantly more toned.
He adjusted his cravat in a swift movement, like a man who had done that movement many times in his life.
Then, Stede cleared his voice and straightened his posture and continued his search.
Nigh time was about to fall. The sun was lazily falling over the horizon, leaving behind a trail of blues and purples. Stede had leaned against a wall to take a break from the incessant walking. His thoughts fell onto the image of Ed, bathed in the moonlight and a soft smile, and how good he had looked in purple the night of the party.
He closed his eyes and felt a wave of nostalgia hit him. His fists tightened. What could have happened if he had told Ed he was in love with him, then, would have things changed or where they always destined to chase after eachother like the sun and the moon?
He took a deep breath and opened his eyed once more. It was not the time to mourn lost chances, he had a mission to complete.
He decided on doing one more walk and then head back to the boat, perhaps he would have more luck in the morning.
Just as he took a step to leave the alley, he felt something cold press on his neck and something warm pressed against his back.
He gulped, eyes sprung wide open looking down, assessing the situation like Ed had taught him to.
His enemy was taller than him, and since he did not hear them approach he could only assume they were also more capable.
Of course, Stede had his fair amount of practice and was noticeably stronger than before but he was still not so confident he could beat an experienced pirate in a fight that did not involve tricking the enemy into stabbing a wooden pole.
He steadied his breath. The pirate could feel the person behind him leaning in, warmth of breath against his ear, his nose scrunched as a reaction.He could smell alcohol and a lot of it too.
Perhaps the chances were not so against him after all.
Then a whisper
“Give me one reason why i should not slice your throat right this instant.”
“Ed?”
his voice trembling with both hope and fear. He closed his hands and opened them a few times.
The grip on the knife tightened, a small bead of blood left Stede’s neck and dripped down, tainting his clothes
“Don’t call me that.” He ordered sharply, slurring slightly
“ Edward is dead. He died the day you abandoned him.On the deck.”
His familiar voice spoke in short, painfully slow, concise sentences. He exhaled after each one.
Despite the situation, Stede felt himself relax slightly.
Through the thin shirt of linen he was wearing, he could make out the sound of his lover heartbeat, mixed with his own, in their own beautifully quick symphony.
He had managed to find him, they were together again, despite the animosity from his beloved.
The pirate opened his mouth, then closed it in a thin line immediately after.
Stede found himself surprised at his incapability to find better suited words. He had prepared and rehearsed many speeches, waiting for this day to come. He always had his way with words, far more well versed with poetry than with swords. Yet, now he could not speak properly.
His mind was...empty.
His only thoughts were towards his aggressor.
He was surrounded with him, his voice, his warmth and his smell (he could smell it despite the alcohol). Everything that before today was a memory was now there. Edward was there, he was real.
Distant, angry, suffocated by liquor and pain, but he was still there.
He tried to move. He needed to turn around and look him into his eyes. He wanted to beg for forgiveness until his knees gave out and his eyes had no more tears.
“don’t move.”
The kraken ordered and Stede obliged. He froze still, yet he dared to speak
“I’m sorry Ed, you have no idea how much I am. Please let me make it up for you, i-“
“Shut up.”
Again, Stede did not stop
“I know what i did to you was horrible...” he sighed with shaky breaths
“ I understand you might not want to forgive me, but please, I beg you, let me apologize properly and explain. Then you can do whatever you want with me.”
Tears begun falling from his eyes to a more steady pace as his voice became progressively lower.
The grip on the knife lessened slightly.
Stede could feel Blackbeard’s stubble against his neck and his surprisingly trembling breath.
“You left me” he said, though it felt more like a whimper
“I waited for you and you left me” again, barely a whisper.
Stede swallowed his own saliva, mouth dry as when he rowed for hours under the midday sun.
He was about to speak when the pressure of the knife lessened, until it disappeared completely, just like the warmth behind him.
It took him a moment to process what had just happened, but when he turned around, Ed was already gone. Disappeared into the darkness he had become so accustomed to.
Stede collapsed to his knees and sobbed silently, hiccups shaking his whole body. Moonlight shining against his curls and bouncing off his tears.
After a while, the crying stopped, not because the crippling anguish was gone but because he had no tears left to shed.
Depleted of all energy, he dragged himself towards his boat, steps heavy and painful.
Was this how Ed had felt that day?
The thought made him feel even worse.
Lucius found him trying to climb onto the platform, and smartly decided not to speak, silently assisting him into his room and wishing him goodnight. Stede suspected he already knew what had happened just by looking at it. Not that it was difficult, after all his eyes were swollen to the point they hurt and they were void of any emotion, almost vacant, like he was not looking anywhere in particular.
He just wanted to sleep and let all the weight of the day wash away, but he knew too well that something like this was not easily overcome. Yet, he allowed himself to imagine, to dream, a life where everything was easier. A life where he was not a coward. A life where he left with Ed that day at the dock. A life where he could experience that kiss as many times as he wished to.
He woke up the next morning even worse than the night before, he dreaded getting out of bed, his body was aching all over and his face still hurt.
He placed his hand on his neck, luckily the cut was not deep so it would have not scarred. He tried to find comfort in that last information, but secretly wished it had scarred as a way to prove that he was repenting for his sins. Physical scars were far easier to deal with than emotional ones.
Lucius knocked on the door and did not wait for an answer to open it.
He was carrying a tray of tea and placed it on Stede’s lap since there was a lack of a table in the room. Then, he sat on the bed and placed a hand on his captain’s leg
“rough night?” he asked with sarcasm mixed with concern
Stede’s troath was sore, so he limited himself to a nod.
Lucius took that as a gesture to continue
“You know, breakup are never easy. On neither parties, I’m sure he’s hurting as much as you are. Trust me, I heard him sobbing after the whole ordeal happened.”
Stede made an insufferably sad face
Lucius hissed
“not helping alright. Sorry.”
He stood up, patting the captain’s knee before walking towards the door.
He stopped and looked back at the pitiful man.
“if I were you, and I really loved him, I would not give up now. Let him listen to you, once he does that you will be at peace to accept any outcome. Bring him flowers or something, i bet he likes romantic things.”
And then Stede was once more alone.
He ruminated on Lucius words. It was true that he would be more at ease if he at least tried explaining himself, then after they would properly talk he would accept whatever outcome Ed decided.
So, Stede got out of bed at once.
He headed to the washroom, and splashed some cold water onto his face, then he decided to trim his beard slightly, just to fix it up.
He put on his nicest clothes, which at the moment was whatever was the cleanliest, and looked at himself in the reflective piece of metal they had stolen from a storage of an almost empty ship they had found. It was not as good as a mirror, but it did the job. He adjusted his collar once more and tried to smile.
At least he didn’t look as miserable as he felt.
He took a deep breath, and left the room.
“goodmorning cap’n” a chorus of cheery voices greeted him, happy to see he had not drowned himself in sorrow and alcohol like the previous captain.
He greeted them back and quickly assigned each one of them a task, both useful and something to distract them for the rest of the day.
Having done that, he informed his crew he had an errand to run, something about having to look at some “finery suits” . Obviously a lie, the knowing looks from his people were enough to show that, but they let it go.
With steady and quick steps, he made his way to the Revenge.
Once he had reached the beginning of the wooden platform used to disembark, he stopped.
His hand rested on his chest, sensing every beat his suffering heart was making. The timing had gotten quicker, and so did his breaths.
It was not the time to run away. Not again.
He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and stepped on the platform. His mind felt clearer, yet his heart was not slowing down.
Once he reached the deck, a familiar face glared at him.
“The coward comes back”
Stede took more steps, trying to reach the captain’s cabin.
“Did you come to play pretend again?”
This was not the time.
“back to claim the ship, heh Bonnet?”
“Fuck off”
Stede had replied quickly, shutting Izzy down who, for a moment, stayed still with wider eyes than usual. Then, his usual scorn came back and he reached with wide steps the blonde’s side, blocking his path with his sword.
Stede raised his gaze to meet Izzy’s, both shooting daggers. The blonde gritted his teeth, placing a hand on the blade and moving it, causing some blood to spill in the action.
“Move. This is my only warning.”
Stede growled. Izzy chuckled, going to block his path once again
“looks like the pimp finally grew some-
His insult was suddenly interrupted by a quick punch to the face. The impact made him fall to the ground, nose bleeding and head dizzy. Before he could even try to get up, a kick reached him, knocking him out for as long as it was needed.
The gentle pirate was surprised of himself, he looked at his own hand, wounded from the impact, but quickly recomposed himself.
A smug smile took place on his face, a couple of months ago this was something he only had dreamed of. Finally making Izzy shut up in real life was far better than he had imagined.
Now, something scarier than dizzy Izzy was in front of him. He could have never imagined that a single mahogany door could be so ominous, but here he was.
He gulped, moving his hand to knock once. Then, he placed it on the cold handle and turned it. The creaking of the door filled the silence of the empty room
“Izzy i told you to fuck off today I’m not in the mood-“
Stede was greeted by darkness. The curtains were completely closed, not allowing the sunshine to enter. Yet, one ray had managed to escape its prison, shining briefly on the bed, reflecting in something shiny, a dagger perhaps. Someone was holding it, someone who Stede knew more than he had ever known someone. The kraken was playing absentmindedly with it, the occasional light escaping the reflection and loosing itself into the deep eyes of its captor.
Those eyes were now on him.
A silence filled with questions and grief fell between them.
It felt like forever and then...
Loud stomps echoed in the room.
Before Stede had a chance to react, he was pinned against a wall, once more. One hand held him firmly from the collar, while the other held onto the weapon. But this time, the dagger had been planted into the wall, next to his face, and he was facing his enemy, his love, his Ed.
They were face to face, noses barely touching and heavy breaths melting into eachother. Stede took in the scent he so desperately missed.
A Low voice raised the tension
“Did you come here to die?”
The kraken had said through gritted teeth, never taking his eyes off his co-captain’s own. Each word said with a painful slowness. In the darkness, Stede could feel how sharp his gaze was, despite not seeing further than the tip of his nose.
He gulped, mind empty once more, but with more determination than he ever had.
“if you wish so, but first, please allow me to explain. Then, you can do of me what you seems fit.”
Having said that, Stede continued, leaving Ed to chance to reply
“I’m sorry i left you. That was a not so kind move on my behalf. I’m sorry I was a coward, and I’m sorry i hurt you. Yet, i do not regret my choice.”
The grip on the necktie felt stronger.
“I needed to do that, so I could come back to you as a better man. I was so afraid that my insecurities would hurt you, that i didn’t notice I was doing so already. You did not deserve to be left alone, and i certainly do not deserve to be forgiven. But please, Ed, don’t let my mistakes ruin you. We both know this isn’t what you want to be. You deserve to be happy, even if not with me, you-
Quiet sobs interrupted his speech.
Tears started falling from Stede’s eyes. Heavy and filled with guilt, wetting Edward’s hand. The mask fell for a moment, eyes and grip softening, but as fast as it fell, it went up again.
The grip on his collar tightened.
“i already have been fooled by your words, I’m not so stupid to let that happen again”
Ed growled, getting closer. They were at an hair’s distance, so close, yet so far away.
Stede’s eyes planted themselves onto Blackbeard’s lips, twisted in a frown. He gulped.
He could feel the warmth of his breath on his skin, the smell of alcohol pricked his nose.
“Then, let me do it without words”
And once again, he took the leap.
He closed the distance between them, casting a quick kiss on his love’s lips, chaste, just like the one they exchanged on the deck on what seemed like an eternity ago.
Blackbeard did not budge, but he stayed silent.
Stede spoke between the hiccups.
“Please, let me be what makes Ed happy once again.”
This time, it was Edward who got closer. It was impossible to tell who had missed each other’s touch more.
Soon, the kiss moved from something soft, to something more aggressive, angry, but passionate and full of love. It was obvious the resentment was still very much present, but as Stede lifted his hand to place it on Blackbeard’s stubble, feeling him melt under his touch, the only thing they had on their mind was their companion.
Ed soon took control of the situation, abandoning the other’s collar, in favour of holding his waist and going deeper into the kiss. However, Stede was not falling behind, after all he was no stranger to this whole endeavour. Of course, never with a guy, or with someone he felt this amount of desire with, but he had his fair amount of practice.
He did not want to show weakness, or inexperience, so, with a swift movement, he switched their positions.
To his surprise, now Blackbeard was the one with his back against the hardwood wall. He took that as a challenge and bit viciously Stede’s lips in the kiss, smirking at the former’s reaction.
In response, the blonde man moved his hand to the back of Edward’s head and gripped firmly the untamed hair, slightly pulling.
Ed made a sound between a groan and a whine. Stede took a moment to breathe, parting his way with his lips, but the distance had become unbearable. Soon, his lips were once more on him, kissing and licking every centimetre of skin available on his neck. He found a spot he liked, and took it between his teeth, leaving a mark he knew would be very visible in the sunlight.
Again, Ed made a beautiful sound, that made Stede’s blood flow all the way to his nether region. While he continued to work on his jawline and neck, Ed took the chance to slide a hand over his bottoms, and cup his plump cheeks, squeezing needily.
He felt impatient, and still angry, so he bent his knees and pulled his lover’s up, making his leg hug his waist.
Ed’s knee would probably make him pay for that later, but that was the least of his concerns at the moment.
With incredible strength, and a surprised sound from Stede, he took them both onto the bed, putting himself on top and taking control once more.
He copied what the blonde had done earlier, slowly working his way on his chest, while unbuttoning the linen shirt.
While he enjoyed seeing Stede wear fancy things, the clothes were very much irritating him in that situation. He needed more contact and he needed it now.
He stumbled on the last two buttons, to the point where he halted the work with his lips and frowned.
Stede chuckled and quickly unbuttoned them himself, clearly as impatient as Ed was.
Edward raised himself from Stede, hands splayed on his chest, exploring territories he so longed to see.
Every movement excited in him a new sensation, heightened by the evident lack of light. He wanted to see more, but did not want to be bothered to get up from where he was and open the curtains.
He did not know for how much he had wanted this, and he would have been lying if he admitted he wasn’t scared, but that was not enough to stop him. Not when they had reached this point.
If Stede wanted to leave him the day after, that was fine for him. He wanted to enjoy this moment as much as he could, and if it was a mere fleeting break from a tumultuous life of pain, so be it.
Ed got awoken from his thoughts by a hand that placed itself on his arm, slightly caressing it. He could feel Stede smile in the way he so deeply adored.
Perhaps, this time he would not leave. IT would take some time to mend what was broken, after all Stede still had a lot to make up for. They you would never go back to the way it was before, both of them changed too much for that, but they would put in the effort.
Perhaps this time they would have their happy ending, which was silly for a pirate, but not for Ed.
He was about to say something, but Stede spoke first.
“I love you Edward Teach.”
And that, was enough for him.