Archive of Our Own

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

Wilhelm stared at the boy sitting on the bleachers, talking animatedly with the people that were in his group. He stared at him and quickly averted his eyes to walk over to the nearby bench to grab his things. He glanced back in the direction of the group, and his eyes met the gaze of that certain boy.

Simon Eriksson is, without a doubt, dangerous. Not just because he’d sent numerous guys to the hospital for calling him a fag, but also because he was who he was. He was completely unlike most – he didn’t walk on a path that’d been set for him, he didn’t care about what people thought of him, and he did what he wanted, whenever he wanted.

No one dared to do much about Simon Eriksson – to Wille, he was a personal threat that couldn’t be rid of. He couldn’t be thrown out because he was a non-resident student with his sister and Hillerska needed representation, and aside from his occasional behavioral incidents which were usually provoked in the first place, he was a decent enough student.

But no, the real reason why Simon was dangerous was not because he had a temper or because he was a non-resident – he was dangerous for a completely different reason that had less to do with him and more to do with Wille.

“Wille!”

He averted his eyes away from Simon quickly to see who had called him, and Nils grinned at him. “Are you coming to my party later?”

Wille swallowed hard and nodded. “Yeah, definitely.”

“Oh wait, Sonja’s coming…” Nils trailed off and looked at Wille, “You don’t mind, do you? I mean, I know you guys had something last year, but it ended amicably enough right? Would -”

He shook his head, “It’s no big deal. I’m sure she’s over it. I know I am.”

Nils grinned, “Well, that’s good then…I guess it’s a good thing that she goes to another school. It makes the whole thing easier for you both…but anyway, do you need me to pick you up?”

“No, it’s okay. I’ll convince Erik to let me drive to your place,” Wile answered. He picked up his bag off the bench and slung it over his shoulder. “Make sure I don’t get too drunk though, because I have to get back home.”

Nils walked beside him as they made their way off the field. “I thought your parents weren’t around though? You could just stay at my place if you ever get too drunk to go home.”

Wille adjusted the way his bag was on his shoulder, “No thanks. I'd rather sleep in my bed than sleep on your floor again.” He glanced at Nils, “So, please make sure I don’t get too drunk. I don’t want to end up doing something I’ll regret later on either.”

The boy laughed and slapped his shoulder, “Don’t worry. Prince Wilhelm, golden boy of the school, doing something that shameful? No way. It’s not going to happen – you’re too straitlaced for something to happen, and even when you are drunk, you’re pretty tame...same can’t be said for Vincent though.”

They both laughed, and Nils smiled reassuringly. “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine. Nothing terrible is going to happen, and you’re not going to do something you’ll regret. It’s going to be just another party.”

Wille could feel the alcohol flowing in his system, and he groaned before he let his face fall into his hands. He’d somehow been roped into a drinking game, and now he was sitting outside with a plastic cup of water beside him, in order to avoid being roped into another and hoping that water could somehow wash out the alcohol in him. Nils had assured him that he was fine, but Wille didn’t want to risk anything.

He’d never been much of a risk taker in his entire life, and one party was not going to change that for him.

The wind blew against his face, and Wille let out a sigh. He rubbed his face and glanced at Nil’s house, which wasn’t that far away from where he was on the sidewalk. However, he was halfway between thinking properly and dizziness, and in his perspective, the house seemed half a world away.

“Hey, are you alright?”

Wille Looked up, and his eyes widened when he saw the person standing in front of him. Simon Eriksson looked down at him then squatted so that they’d be at more or less the same eye level. His eyes raked over Wille’s body before they came back to his face then he tilted his head questioningly.\

“Prince Wilhelm, are you okay?” Nothing came to mind, and before Wille could even attempt to say anything, Simon laughed. “I can’t believe the first time I actually meet you is just to ask if you’re not drunk off your ass.”

“I’m not drunk,” Wille muttered as he averted his eyes from Simon’s. He coughed and shook his head, “I’m okay.”

“So why are you sitting out here on the sidewalk then?” the other boy asked curiously as he shifted so that he could sit down beside Wille on the concrete. He smiled teasingly, “Just because you’re royalty, that doesn’t mean you can’t get drunk. It’s okay.”

Wilhelm’s head started to hurt, and he let his face fall into his hands. He could hear Simon rambling beside him, and all he wanted was for the other boy to just get away from him. He didn’t want Simon Eriksson around him, not when his guard was down and his mind was swimming with alcohol. People did stupid things when they were drunk, and Wille didn’t trust himself.

He couldn’t trust himself around Simon Eriksson, not when his heart was pounding so quickly in his chest and not when his mind was clouded with thoughts on how attractive the other boy was.

“Could you go away? I don’t need you here,” Wille asked, his voice coming off as much ruder than he’d intended to sound.

Simon stopped talking, and when Wille turned to look at him, the handsome boy’s face was scrunched up into a look of disgust. He stood up abruptly and stalked off towards Nil’s house, not bothering to say a single word to Wille.

“Fuck.”

Wille watched the other boy leave, and he let out a loud sigh. He shook his head and ran his hands through his hair irritably, regretting his actions already. Deciding to make up for his asshole behavior, he got up quickly and raced after Simon. 

“Hey wait,wait,wait!”

Simon turned around and crossed his arms. “What do you want?” He glanced at the direction of Nil's house then narrowed his eyes at Wille. “What?”

Everything was spinning to Wille because of his sudden movement, so it took him a few seconds before he could focus his eyes on Simon. He swallowed hard and opened his mouth, trying to force the words he wanted to say out of his mouth.

“I –"

Simon lifted an eyebrow, “You what?” he asked, his impatience obvious.

“Wait, just wait,” Wille muttered as he steadied himself. He reached out and gripped a lamp post tightly and took a couple of deep breaths before he looked at Simon, who was eying him warily. He could feel his nervousness building up in his gut, but instead of spilling out an apology, something else came out.

Wille vomited onto the street.

“I knew you were drunk,” Simon muttered as he crossed the distance between them and helped Wille walk away from his vomit. Wille walked along with him willingly, allowing Simon to lead him away, his mind still hazy. He saw his car nearby, and he staggered towards it.

“Is that your car?”

“Yeah,” Wille muttered, his feelings of humiliation overwhelming his usual need to escape the other teenager.

Simon pulled him a little closer, and Wille could smell his cologne. He shut his eyes and breathed in deeply.

“You smell nice.”

“I wish I could say the same for you,” Simon said with a laugh as he helped Wille into the backseat of his car. As soon as Wille was sprawled over the leather seat, he took a step back. “Well…”

Wille shuffled so that he could vaguely make out Simon’s face in the darkness. He blinked a little, his eyes adjusting to everything before he spoke, “Thanks.”

“Are you going to be alright here?”

“It’s better than sleeping on Nil's floor,” Wille mumbled. “I’ll be okay.”

“Okay…” Simon put his hands into the pockets of his green bomber jacket, “Well, I’m going to head to the party now. It was…nice, I guess, to finally meet you, Wilhelm.” He chuckled and Wille couldn’t help but notice how attractive the other boy was when he smiled.

“Wille.”

"What ?” Simon had asked

“Call me Wille.”

“Okay , Bye Wille” he said with the purest smile as he shut the car door, and as soon as Simon was gone, Wille groaned and buried his face into the leather. His head was hurting, his pride was bruised, and his heart was racing.

He would never go to another party ever again.

His brain was telling him to pretend nothing had happened. It would be easier if he just ignored Simon – to let things go back to the way things had used to be. But while his brain was telling one thing, his heart was telling him another. It was telling him to go and approach the other teenager, to take advantage of what had gone on between them that night.

But would it be smart to head straight towards danger? Wille groaned and rested his forehead against the cool metal of his locker. He was good at keeping quiet, but he wasn’t a good liar. If Simon approached him again, he knew he wouldn’t be able to deny anything. He didn’t know what to do, and all he could think of was how much he’d regretted getting drunk.

Now it was even more difficult to get Simon out of his mind, and the feelings that had been so troublesome for him to accept months prior were spiraling out of control and clouding his judgment. Simon was making everything so much harder for him, and was ruining everything he’d so carefully built – the prison that was meant to keep everything under control and out of his parents’ watchful eyes.

First with his face, and now with a close up experience of his personality – the other teenager had Wille spellbound, and it was getting harder to shut his feelings back in their usual containment. After one taste of what it’d be like to be near Simon, he’d all of a sudden turned into some junkie wanting for more.

“Hey Wille?”

He turned around sharply, and Felice raised an eyebrow when she noticed the tense expression on Wille’s face. Wille quickly placed a forced smile on his face when he noticed Felice’s questioning look and spoke before the other could.

“Yeah, what’s up?”

“Are you…okay?” Felice asked as she fixed the way her bag strap settled over her shoulder. She looked at Wille in concern, “You look a little…tense.”

Wille swallowed and nodded. “Just thinking…you know my parents, they’re a little strict. They...they found out I got drunk at Nil’s party, and yeah –“

“Ah,” Felice nodded in understanding before a frown came upon her face. “Oh wait, does that mean you’re grounded?”

“No, I’m not. I just got scolded and whatever,” Wille lied, glad that Felice was the person he was talking to, since the other was often too trusting for her own good to realize that she was being lied to “But anyway, what does that matter? You want to go out or something?”

“Yeah. Sara invited Madison and I to a party, and I want to bring you along. So lets party and get that sour look out your face, it's going to be hosted with students from Marieberg, so I asked if I could bring you along too and it was fine with Sara, so –"

The moment he heard Sara’s name, Simon sprung to his mind, and he impulsively spoke his mind before he could rein back his thoughts.

“Is Simon going to be there?”

Felice studied him for a few seconds, and she replied before Wille could attempt to change the topic. “Well yeah, I guess. He and Sara are siblings, aren’t they? And he has his old friends at Merieberg, so he’ll probably be there,” Felice answered before she quickly added, “Why? Do you have a problem with him? If you don’t like him that much –“

“No…well no, I mean, I don’t have a problem with him,” Wille stammered, his cheeks heating up. He swallowed hard and met Felice’s confused gaze. Wille cleared his throat, “Sure, I can go.”

“You sure?” Felice asked, and a smile lit up her features instantly as soon as she’d heard Wille’s affirmative answer. “I wouldn’t want to get you into any kind of trouble with your parents.”

Wille smiled, trying to hide any of the nervousness he felt. “No, it’ll be okay.”

He was possibly heading into disaster just for another shot at getting close to Simon, but that small glimpse of freedom was driving him straight to it. As long as he was careful about what happened, he’d probably be fine. He’d make sure to stay sober, and stay in control.

After all, what his parents didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them.

He’d kept his eyes out for Simon the entire night, but the other teenager was nowhere to be found. Wille glanced over at the nearby cooler that was stocked up with beer and felt the urge to grab a can and chug it down. He was alone and getting restless, and despite Felice’s excuse of not knowing anyone, his friend had left him behind an hour ago in favor of hanging out with Sara. Deciding to break his restriction of not drinking, Wille left his spot on the couch and stood up to get himself a beer.

As he crouched down and rifled through the cans, he felt someone tap his shoulder. When he turned around, an amused Simon was looking at him with his arms crossed in disapproval.

“Are you looking forward to a repeat of last week?” Simon asked teasingly as he reached forward to pluck the can of beer out of Wille’s hands. He opened it up easily and took a sip. “It was kind of amusing to see the mighty prince slumped over a light post and drunk off his ass.”

Wille stood up and grabbed his beer out of Simon’s hand. He noticed the way the other teenager’s eyes widened as he took it away, and Wille had to hide his smirk of satisfaction when he saw Simon’s eyes become larger when he took a sip out of the can.

“I’ll be fine tonight.”

“Are you sure?” Simon asked as he took the beer back out of Wille’s hand. He held it up to his lips, his eyes watching Wille carefully. “I wouldn’t want you to get into another unfortunate situation.” He licked his lips and raked his eyes over Wille’s body blatantly, and Wille had a feeling that the other teenager was wondering how far he could push him.

As for what Simon wanted to push him into, Wille really had no clue, but if there was one thing he’d told himself before heading over, it was that for this night, he’d go without limits. His parents were still gone, and Erik had helped him sneak out, and the majority of the people at the party didn’t go to their school – he was practically free to do whatever he wanted. He still had to be pretty quiet about things – after all, word could still head over to people who knew him, but his plan was to stick to Simon, and he knew Simon wasn’t the kind of person to speak nonsense.

He took a step forward, and Simon stared at him questioningly. It was noisy, and he could feel a slight buzz in his system, so Wille leaned down. “Are you going to finish my beer?” Wille whispered huskily into Simon’s ear before he gestured to the can that was still in Simon’s hand.

Simon smiled prettily, “I’m just trying to make sure you don’t end up with a terrible hangover tomorrow.” He leaned back slightly and took a sip of the beer, and Wille couldn’t help but admire his golden, slender neck. The tempting display of skin had him itching to lean forward, and it filled him with regret to know that if Simon had been a girl, he would’ve easily kissed him at that moment.

The other teenager handed the empty beer can to Wille. “Aren’t I wonderful? I saved you from possible misfortune.”

Before Wille could say something in reply, someone called out to Simon. They both turned in the direction of the voice, and a girl with sharp eyes and stubby looking man with a manbun  beckoned him over. Simon smiled apologetically at Wille, “I’ll see you around. Have fun.”

And just like that, as quickly as he had come, Simon slipped out of Wille’s grasp and walked away, leaving him behind and wanting for more.

“Are you leaving already?”

Wille turned around, and Ayub abandoned the girl who’d been beside him on the sofa to walk up to Wille. He grinned at Wille, “You know, when Sara said that she’d bring her new posh friends along, I didn’t think you’d actually come.”

“Well…”

“I’m Ayub by the way,  a close friend of Simon and Sara .” Wille stayed still at the mention of Simon's name , he awkwardly extended his arm out for a handshake .

Ayub patted Wille’s shoulder. “It was nice to see you around. I don’t usually head over to the kind of parties you’re at – not my usual crowd, you know?”

“Yeah, I can understand that,” Wille said with a small smile, “It was nice to be here too. I had a good time.”

“Awesome,” Ayub said happily before he glanced over at his date, who was pouting at her phone as she took a selfie of herself. He turned back to Wille and his grin grew a little wider, “You’re a pretty cool guy. I’ll invite you personally the next time I throw a party.”

“Sure.”

“By the way, have you seen Simon around?” the other teenager asked as he looked around the room. “I haven’t seen him for most of the night…ah, but then again, he might be with someone, you know?”

Wille felt his stomach churn at the thought of that, but he hid his jealousy and forced a smile. “He’s a good looking guy, that’s not too unlikely.”

“A bit too good looking if you ask me,” Ayub said with a laugh. He patted Wille’s shoulder again and took a step back, “Well, it was nice to talk to you man. I’ll see you around , and good luck with the whole royalty thing . I’m sure you’ll be a great king and whatever.”

“Thanks.”

When Ayub had returned to his seat, Wille turned around and made his way out of the house. He quickened his steps to get to his car, which he’d parked in front of a vacant lot, but Wille stopped in his tracks when he noticed there was someone leaning against it.

Simon Eriksson  was on his phone leaning against his car.

Wille approached him slowly, his heart pounding in his chest. As soon as Simon saw him, he tossed his phone under somewhere in his front pocket and placed both of his hands on his side. His  lips formed a teasing smile, and he tilted his head to look at Wille in the darkness.

“Why are you here?”

“Because I need to talk to you,” Simon said as he crossed his arms in front of his chest. Wille’s eyes were riveted to his lips, and when Simon licked them, Wille’s eyes darted upward, and he knew he’d been caught staring.

Wille cleared his throat and stared back at the other teenager. “What are we going to be talking about?” he asked. “Just so you know, I’m not drunk tonight.”

“Neither am I,” Simon replied. “I just wanted to talk to you about something.” He pushed off Wille’s car and took a few steps forward, making sure to stop when he was only a few centimeters from the other.

“And what’s that?”

“Were you flirting with me?” the other boy asked bluntly. He kept his arms crossed in front of his chest and held Wille’s gaze. “I’ve noticed that you stare at me sometimes too at school, so I want to know, were you flirting with me back when we were inside?”

Wille swallowed down his nervousness, but he still wished he could have another beer so that it would be easier for him to speak. He averted his eyes quickly, cleared his throat, and then turned his attention back to Simon.

“What if I told you I was?”

Simon’s eyes widened slightly, “Well…I’d tell you to fuck off - that is, if you intend on playing games with me.” He took a step forward and reached forward to pull at the collar of Wille’s shirt. “Have you ever kissed a boy before?”

“No.”

“What about girls?”

Wille shot him a disbelieving look, and Simon laughed. “I’m sorry.” He fingered the taller boy’s collar and chuckled, “I forgot, I’m talking to the party prince of the century – Wilhelm. Of course he’s kissed girls.”

“Don’t talk about that.”

“About what?” Simon questioned, his eyes lifting up from Wille’s collar to meet his eyes. “Girls?”

“Don’t talk about me like that,” Wille replied. “I’m no one’s prince.”

Simon laughed again, and he leaned forward, his hips brushing against Wille’s slightly before he backed off. “Well, we’ll have to disagree on that one. Everyone knows who you are, you are royalty . They worship the ground you walk on.”

“And what do you think of me then?”

The shorter boy thought for a few seconds before he looked up at Wille. “I don’t know what to think. I can care less about the monarchy and their schemes. I barely even know you…but, I do know you’re pretty hot, and if you were flirting with me back inside, I’d have to say that I approve of it.”

“What else would you approve of?”

Simon laughed and licked his lips. “Well, aren't you interesting?” He leaned back and rested his body against Wille’s car, an attractive picture that Wille doubted he would forget. He smirked and placed his hands behind his head. “Are you trying to please me?”

Wille took a step forward, “Not really.”

“I feel like you’re going to jump me,” Simon teased before he moved away from Wille’s car and began to head down the street. Wille quickly followed after him, and Simon began to walk a little faster.

Wille followed Simon, keeping a slight distance between them – one he could easily close whenever he wanted, but he felt a thrill playing Simon’s game. He was completely entranced, and seeing as they were the only two out on the street, he wanted to indulge in his buried desires for as long as he could in public. The attraction he felt to the other boy was growing stronger by the minute, and when Simon stopped in front of a tree, Wille easily jogged up to him and pressed him against it.

Simon’s back hit the tree with a thud, and he looked at Wille in the darkness, his doe eyes not revealing a single emotion. Only their breathing interrupted the silence of the night, and their faces were so close that it wouldn’t take much effort on either of their part to close the distance between their lips.

“Are you drunk?” Simon whispered softly, his breath ghosting against the skin on Wille’s face. “If I try to approach you in school, are you going to pretend I don’t exist? Are you going to beat me up? Are you going to have me silenced in some kind of way?”

Wille set his hands on Simon’s waist, and Simon wrapped his arms around the other’s neck. He leaned forward, inhaling the scent of  his sweet smelling curls and cologne that lingered upon Simon’s skin. His heart was pounding so hard in his chest, and he could hardly breathe. There was just something so right about this – a hard body against his own, the alluring temptation of kissing a man not a woman, and it all the more solidified the realization that he’d come to nearly a year ago.

He was queer, and he wanted this – but more than anything else, Simon Eriksson was dangerous because he wanted him. The other teenager didn’t know, but it was because of him that Wille had realized something that he’d tried denying for years. It was because of Simon that Wille had realized that the demon he’d tried locking away wasn’t really a demon, but instead, a part of him.

It was something that he wasn’t supposed to be ashamed of.

“I want this,” Wille murmured, “I want you.”

Simon’s eyes met Wille’s in the darkness, “If you really want me, then do something about it.”

He’d pushed Wille off the edge, and Wille willingly succumbed to the desires that he’d kept stowed away. His eyes fluttered shut, and for the first time ever, he kissed a boy. Simon tasted nothing like he was used to but he tasted wonderful, and Wille pressed Simon up roughly against the tree, hungry for more.

Simon broke away from him with a surprised gasp, and he blinked at Wille in the darkness. Wille’s heart was pounding in his chest, and as he glanced down at Simon’s wet lips, he could feel his desire heighten. They stared at each other in silence, but Simon broke it off first.

“…are you sure?” Simon whispered, his voice soft.

Wille nodded and pressed his forehead against Simon’s. His eyes fluttered shut, and he breathed in deeply. “I’m sure.”

“Alright then,” Simon murmured before he closed the distance between them and pressed his lips back against Wille’s.

As they kissed in the darkness, Wille became all the more sure that he’d done the right thing.

He’d been sitting alone in the library when Simon came over. Wille was more than aware of all the people’s eyes that were suddenly drawn to them, but he ignored the obvious looks and kept his eyes on the boy in front of them. After they’d made out, Wille had softly told Simon that he’d see him at school. They hadn’t discussed what they were, and Wille had been too caught up in the moment to acknowledge what he’d stepped into.

Wille had spent the entire weekend mulling over his decision on what to do next, but it was still difficult for him to voice out what he wanted in front of so many people. In all his years of growing up, he’d been so used to keeping silent about what he wanted.

Simon looked at Wille questioningly and waited for the other to acknowledge his presence. Wille however, kept quiet, flipped the page of his book, and gathered his thoughts, unaware of the fury that had come upon the other boy’s face. When he looked up, he saw Simon’s anger, and before the other teenager could say anything, Wille spoke up first.

“Do you want to come over later?”

Simon looked surprised, then calmed down and watched him carefully, “Why don’t you come over to my place instead?” he suggested as his fingers drummed softly upon the wooden surface of the table. “Sara will be staying with Felice and my Mamma will be working till late tonight.”

“Sure.”

Silence fell between them, and Simon let out a nervous breath before he spoke again, “Can I sit here?

“You’re already seated,” Wille commented idly as he held a page of his textbook in between his fingers. “Why would I ask you to leave?”

“Because you’re Prince Wilhelm  and I’m Simon the non-boarder ,” the other boy replied softly, making sure that no one could overhear. “You know what you are…and, honestly, I’m starting to –“

“Regret what happened?” Wille questioned, his voice tight. He looked down at his book, and his stomach churned. He’d assumed that Simon wouldn’t have any problems trying something out with him, but as it turned out, he’d thought wrong. Wille looked up, “If that’s–“

“No, I don’t regret it,” Simon replied, a look of conviction on his face. “I was just starting to wonder if you did.”

“Well I don’t.”

Silence fell between them again, and Simon stood up. Wille looked at him, and he watched as Simon held his book close to his chest. “Are you going?” Wille asked softly, “You just got here.”

“I only came here to see you. I’m supposed to be meeting with Sara right now.”

“Oh.”

They stared at each other, and Simon’s lips quirked into a small smile. “You have practice later, right?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Should I wait for you?”

“I’d like that,” Wille breathed out, and as soon as he saw the beautiful smile that graced Simon’s face, he could feel his heart race in his chest. Simon seemed pleased with him, and Wille felt happy.

Simon blushed slightly and looked down, “Well, I’ll see you later. I’ll meet you in the choir room.”

“Okay.”

Once again, they fell into silence, and Simon shot Wille another smile before he quickly walked away. Wille turned his eyes back to his book, and although he could hear faint whispers, he ignored all of them and tried to get back to reading. However, after five minutes of trying to read, Wille gave up and settled for just staring blankly at a page.

His mind was too filled with Simon to think about anything else.

Wille was sitting awkwardly on Simon’s bed, waiting for the latter to come back. He wasn’t surprised that no one was home. He’d heard that Simon’s background was complex,and that his mom was always at work and that his dad was an addict who wasn't in the picture anymore, from August, and whenever he brought that up, he’d call him sosse and talked about how that was why Simon was so messed up. Wille never commented on anything during those one-sided conversations, and while he talked, he wondered what he would say when he found out just how messed up he really was. Not that he cared what August had to say at all anyway.

“You’re so quiet.”

He looked up, and Simon  was leaning against the doorframe. He’d gone to the bathroom to change, and had changed out of his uniform into a loose shirt and inappropriately short shorts that had Wille staring at the other boy’s legs.

“But you’re more expressive than you think…or well, maybe just around me,” Simon murmured as he walked over to pick something off the floor. Wille watched as Simon bent down in front of him, and he was well aware that Simon was teasing him.

When Simon turned around, he smirked. “You liked that, didn’t you?”

“Yes.”

Simon laughed and sat down beside Wille on his bed. Wille watched as Simon stared up at the ceiling, and he slowly moved to lie down beside Simon . He didn’t know where to place his hands, so he kept them away from Simon . He could feel nervousness creeping upon him, and his heart was pounding in his chest as he waited for Simon to help him out.

“What do you want to happen here?” Simon asked, as he turned his head to look at Wille.

Wille rested against Simon’s bed and held his gaze. “I told you, I –“

“You want me, but…I’m not a thing,” Simon said softly as he looked up at the ceiling. He took a deep breath, and Wille watched as the other’s chest rose then fell. “I’m a person, with feelings…that you may hurt in the future.”

“I’m sorry.”

Simon glanced at him, “You haven’t even done anything to me yet. Why are you apologizing?”

“I…” Wille shook his head and sighed. “I’m terrible at talking. I’m not used to it, I guess.”

A small smile crossed Simon’s face. “I talk even if no one’s listening.” He reached out to intertwine his fingers with Wille’s. “Oh God, I feel like you’re going to be the end of me. We’re rushing into everything, and I wouldn’t be surprised if this ended up being a disaster.”

Wille was silent, and Simon studied his face.

“So you really don’t talk much, huh?” He tilted over to his side so that he could face Wille properly and used his other hand to comb through Wille’s hair. “Well…I guess I could do the talking most of the time…but I have a question for you though.”

“What is it?”

“…are you gay?”

Wille felt his throat close up. This would be the first time he would ever speak about his sexuality, and he could feel his heart racing in his chest. Simon was watching him carefully, and it was like it was becoming difficult for him to breathe. He slowly started rubbing his chest in a circular motion. He shut his eyes, gathered himself and opened his eyes once more.

His world wouldn’t end if he said yes. All he had to do was affirm something that he’d known for months, but why was it so hard? Wille didn’t know if his interior struggle was showing, but he could see Simon look at him worriedly.

Simon opened his mouth to speak first, but Wille beat him to it.

“Yes, I am queer”

Wille waited with a bated breath for Simon to speak, but instead of speaking, Simon leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. He drew back before Wille could deepen the kiss and pressed their foreheads together.

“Okay then…me too, but I guess you already know that.” Simon chuckled against Wille’s skin and kissed him chastely once more. “Aside from me, does anyone else know?”

“No,”  Wille whispered.

Silence fell between them, and Wille felt ashamed of his cowardice in front of Simon. He averted his eyes and tried to move away, but Simon reached out and held him closer.

“It’s okay,” Simon murmured encouragingly. “One step at a time…I can be here for you...to help you, if you want me to.”

Wille nodded and pulled Simon closer, his heart fluttering in his chest. “I’d really appreciate that.” He could feel Simon smile against his skin, and Wille inhaled deeply. Wille hugged Simon tightly, and when they were settled, he decided to ask a question.

“What about your parents?”

Simon kept his eyes on him while he answered , “It’s just me, my mamma and Sara , they’ve always supported me , what about yours?”

Wille chuckled, and Simon couldn’t help but notice the trace of bitterness in his voice. “They don’t really care.” He murmured, “Their marriage has been dead for ages, and they fight like crazy. I don’t even know why they’re together anymore, and they’re hardly ever together at the same time. It’s fucked up. They’re too busy doing other things to care about what I’m doing most of the time.”

Simon hugged Wille tighter, and Wille leaned into him. He felt Wille’s lips press against his neck, and his heart fluttered. Wille whispered softly against his skin, his voice so quiet that Simon almost hadn’t caught the words that had come out of his mouth.

“I don’t want to end up like them. I want real love.”

It turned out his heart had chosen correctly after all.

When Wille came downstairs, only Erik was around. His parents had been back for a couple of weeks now, and everything was back into place. His father had interrogated him about his studies and sports, and his mother had commented about how nice it would’ve been for him to get a girlfriend. Needless to say, his brain had been numb during the entire conversation, and he’d spoken his usual answers, resulting in momentarily content parents.

Both he and Erik were not looking forward to the next interrogation.

He sat down beside his brother, and he pushed a plate that had eggs, bacon and toast upon it towards him. Wille glanced at him, “You made this for me, you really love me. ”

Erik scoffed. “Yeah, yeah ,eat up ” he flipped a page of his book then turned his attention back to him. “Mom and dad fought again. I’m glad you missed it. I don’t know what they fought about, but they’re both gone now.”

Wille sighed and took a bite of his toast. He chewed silently and swallowed before he spoke. “Do you know what they fought about?”

“Nope, and I really don’t care and neither should you lilbro,” Erik commented idly. He’d always been the more outspoken one out of the two of them, and Wille admired him for that. They both shared a disdain for the way their parents acted, but only Erik was the one who was more obvious about it. He never spoke back to their parents, but he was more open and revealing to his close friends and to him about what he felt about them.

Wille however, kept everything shut tight inside…or at least he had, until he’d met Simon.

“Thanks for breakfast,” Wille said lightly as he peered at Erik’s book. “You’ve saved me once again from the risk of burning the house down. It’s really good and –“

Erik looked at his brother. “Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something.”

Wille inches away from him and raised an eyebrow. “Go ahead.”

“You’ve been…happy.” Erik said slowly, “And you don’t stay at home as often as you used to. Are you seeing someone?”

He choked on his toast, and Erik smiled knowingly. He smiled to himself and flipped through his book, “I thought so.”

Wille cleared his throat and stared at Erik. He studied him carefully, and he could tell that he was genuinely happy for him. Even though he loved and trusted his brother, he still felt like it was too early for him to know about what was going on between him and Simon. After all, they’d only been seeing each other for a bit over a month.

“You won’t tell…right?”

Erik scowled, “Of course not.” He turned his eyes back to his book, “But I want to meet this person someday, alright?”

“Of course.”

He looked at him and smiled. “Promise?”

“I promise.”

“Wille honey, I think we have to talk.”

He looked up from his math notes, and Wille watched as his mother sat down anxiously upon his bed. She wrung her hands together tightly, and he had more than a feeling he knew what she would talk to him about. Seeing as he never really went out with anyone after school or rowing practice, no one really noticed how much time he’d actually started spending with Simon, but he knew that people still talked about their newfound relationship, Especially his bitter cousin , August .

His friends had been surprised by the fact Wille had started saying hi to the other student, and so Wille had told them that he’d met and become friends with Simon at a party in Bjärstad. Seeing as the majority of them, except for Felice and Madison, hadn’t been there, they accepted his answer easily and didn’t press any further. Most of his friends preferred to keep Simon at an arm’s length, and seeing as Wille kept cool about everything, no one questioned his answer.

The way most people saw it was that Wille was a good guy who was trying to change Simon for the better, and both Wille and Simon were fine with that. However, he knew that his mother would probably have a different opinion on things. She was probably worried that Simon would taint the reputation their family had for being upright characters in the eyes of the noble.

“What about?”

“Well…I overheard something from a conversation between Erik and August,” his mother started, and she cleared her throat before she continued. “August said something about that…you hanging out with a rough crowd at school ?”

“What ?”

Kristina glanced down at her hands, “Honey…you do know that…that you are in a position that upholds how everyone looks at us, our reputation . And…you know why, right?” Wille stared at his mother and nodded. He wasn’t surprised that his mother had brought their status up . All of them knew that their title was the dominant force in the household – if anything went wrong,  the PR team  was quick to put things back into shape through any means possible.

“I don’t want you to bring any unnecessary attention to yourself , the public will use anything to use against us.” Kristina said slowly, “We have to protect our family legacy –“

Wille felt his anger rise up to this throat, but he knew lashing out would be of no use whatsoever. He listened to his mother talk about how it's a privilege not a burden to be leaders of the country , and as soon as she was done, she smiled. If only she knew how suffocated he really felt being a part of it all, he would trade it all just for him to live an ordinary life without the world's eyes  and expectations breathing down on his neck.

“I know you’re young and you are allowed to befriend all types of individuals , but I hope that you realize that you have an image to maintain.”

Kristina smiled at him and hugged him, but he remained unmoving. His mother turned the room, and as soon as she was gone, Wille laughed bitterly to himself. He looked out the window and shook his head.

If only she knew how wrong she was about everything.

Just as Wille was putting his things into his car, he heard someone clear their throat behind him. He turned around, and when he saw Sonja standing in front of him. She shifted awkwardly in front of him and spoke.

“Hey.”

Wille closed his car door and looked at her carefully before he spoke, “Hey.”

They stood in an uncomfortable silence for a few seconds, and Sonja bit her lip. She let out a sigh and rubbed at her arm. “Can we talk somewhere? In private? I…I just wanted to uhm, talk.”

“Oh yeah, sure.”

Wille opened the backseat door of his car and transferred his things over to the passenger seat. He took a step back, and Sonja slid in before he followed in after her. The tension was stifling, and just as Wille was about to roll down a car window, Sonja spoke.

“…are you seeing anyone?”

“What?” Wille questioned, as he turned to look at her. She stared back at him, and he could tell that she was serious about her question. “Well…” Simon came to his mind immediately, and so he spoke as truthfully as he could. “I kind…of I kind of have something going on with someone.”

Ingrid nodded slowly and stared at her hands. “I heard…my friends told me you weren’t seeing anyone.” She whispered, “I regretted that things ended the way they did, you know? Our relationship…it just sort of died out.” She turned her head and looked at Wille, “I really liked you. ”

Wille swallowed hard. “Oh.”

“But…you didn’t really like me, did you?” Sonja questioned.

When Wille didn’t reply immediately, she let out a sigh. Sonja opened the car door and stepped out, “This was stupid of me.” She headed out of the car, and Wille quickly followed after her.

“Sonja! Wait, I’m sorry.”

She turned her head to look at him and shook her head. “You were just being honest. I’ll be okay. Bye Wille.”

Wille watched her walk away, and as soon as she was merely a small figure in the distance, Wille sighed. He turned around and slammed his car door shut loudly. He didn’t know why he was frustrated, but he just was. When he looked away from the ground, he raised his eyes and saw that Simon was staring at him from afar.

Simon quickly stalked away, and Wille had to run after him. He was glad that no one was around anymore because of how late it was, and he caught up to Simon easily. He held onto Simon’s wrist and pulled back, but when he pulled Simon, the other quickly aimed a punch for his face which he luckily managed to dodge.

“What the fuck Simon!”

Simon shoved him, “What the fuck Wille?” He pushed Wille again, “Who the fuck was that? What were you doing with her, in your backseat of all places? I’m not fucking stupid okay. I know the kinds of things that go on there. I’m not some play thing –“

“She’s no one important.” The seriousness in Wille’s tone made Simon stop shouting, and so Wille took advantage of Simon’s silence to speak. “I had something with her last year, and I promise you, it’s over now. If I felt anything for her, it doesn’t come close to what I feel for you.”

Simon fell silent, and a guilty look came across his face. “I’m sorry.”

Wille couldn’t even muster up an attempt to get mad at Simon. He could understand what the other was feeling after all. With the kind of society they lived in, he was sure that there were people who did the exact thing that Simon had suspected him of. After all, they’d gotten together in a manner that was highly out of the ordinary for most people -Wille had rushed everything, and he could see why Simon had thought that he was suddenly backing out.

Although Simon was a strong person, and Wille admired him for that, Wille knew that the other teenager had his own fair share of fears as well. He could understand why Simom felt the way he did, but he didn’t want him to feel that way for much longer. He was sure of what he felt, and Wille wished that one day, Simon would trust him enough to realize that Wille wasn’t going to be changing his mind any time soon.

He had no regrets.

He was serious about getting Simon to trust him more, and Wille could tell that Simon was appreciating each gesture. Wille started to approach Simon more in school, and he’d even gotten the responsibility of becoming Simon’s assigned Math tutor, courtesy of their shared math teacher. However, most of the sessions ended up with barely any studying being done at all.

Wille also had more than just a feeling that Simon was amused by his awkwardness when it came to almost everything that required romance or charm. The first time he’d gotten an erection in front of Simon, the other had laughed at him while he’d blushed to death. There’d been so many moments that Simon had laughed at him in private, but now…

For the first time ever, they would be going out together in public, and Wille was more than sure he’d end up ruining everything. He took a deep breath and held the steering wheel tightly. His heart was pounding in his chest, and he didn’t really know what to do. Their plan was to drive out to the beach, have dinner there, and then go back to Wille’s place after, since Erik was at a conference a few hours away and his parents were at another state trip .

Were they going to have sex? He honestly didn’t know, but the idea wasn’t something that he was against. Wille shook his head and sighed – he was getting carried away. He’d let things end up wherever they led to and just stop thinking so much.

Someone knocked at his car window, and Wille unlocked his car. Simon slipped into the passenger seat, a traditional picnic basket in his hands. There was a happy smile on Simon’s face, and Wille decided to keep quiet about the cheesiness of getting an actual picnic basket.

“Seatbelt,” Wille said softly, and Simon handed him the picnic basket so that he could put it on.

As soon as Simon was done, Wille handed him back the picnic basket. Simon smiled happily, and he frowned when he noticed that Wille was still looking at the picnic basket.

“You don’t like it?” he questioned.

“It’s…” Wille stared at it. “Nice?”

Simon scowled, “You don’t appreciate anything, do you?” he sighed and leaned back into his seat. “Well, I raided a supermarket after school today to get food, and you’ll have to appreciate all of it or else I’m not even touching you with a ten foot pole today.”

Wille laughed and started his car’s engine. “I’m not a picky eater, so I guess we should be good tonight.”

“Good,” Simon said happily as he took out a bag of chips and then placed the picnic basket in the backseat of Wille’s car. He opened the bag and grabbed a large chip to feed Wille with.

Wille stared at the chip for a few seconds before he looked at Simon. He didn’t move his mouth forward to eat it, so Simon quickly retracted his hand, a hurt expression on his face. He looked out the car window, and Wille quickly spoke in order to make things right again.

“I hate Doritos.”

Simon turned his face to look at Wille. “Are you serious?”

“Yes.”

The curly haired teenager rolled his eyes and punched Wille’s shoulder. He shook his head, but Wille was relieved to see a smile come back onto his face. “You should’ve said something you idiot.” He scowled and looked at Wille, “How can you hate Doritos? No one hates Doritos!”

Wille smiled, “I just do.”

“Well…fine, more for me,” Simon muttered as he stuffed some chips into his mouth. He chewed noisily on purpose, and Wille merely laughed at him. As soon as he was done chewing, he glanced at Wille. “So…can I play music?”

Wille bit his lip, “You could turn on the radio...if you want.”

“You don’t have music?”

“Usually Erik just plugs in his phone, and I just listen to whatever he listens to.” Wille replied. He looked at Simon, “Uhm, if you have your phone–“

“Are you embarrassed to show me your playlist?” Simon trailed off, then stuck his tongue out at Wille, who chuckled in return. He turned away and looked forward, connecting his phone, “ I’ll be the DJ for the ride ,I don’t want to listen to the radio. All they play are the annoying mainstream songs –“

“Hipster.”

Wille chuckled at the shocked look on Simon’s face. He gripped the steering wheel a little tighter, and Simon pushed his arm.

“I am not a hipster, okay? I swear, you…it’s like all you do is study and focus on rowing. You need to get into other things,” Simon muttered, and Wille glanced at him with an amused look on his face. “I’m going to make you a mixtape. I don’t care if those things are old fashioned, but I’m going to make you one, and you’re going to like it.”

Wille laughed, “Fine then.”

Simon leaned his seat back slightly and propped his legs up onto his seat. He hugged his knees and looked at Wille. “Why are we going to the beach anyway? Isn’t it kind of cold?”

“I like the beach.”

“…are we going skinny dipping? I kind of want to know what little, or well, big Wille looks like. It hasn’t been that fun just feeling him rub against me –“

“Simon!”

Wille blushed a dark red, and Simon burst out into laughter. His laughter resounded in the car, and Wille couldn’t help but laugh with him. He smiled happily, and when he glanced at Simon, he caught the other smiling brightly at him.

“I just want you to know,” Simon said softly, “These past few months have been amazing. I…I’m happy, you know? I haven’t told anyone about us…but Sara said I’m different lately. Wille…”

Wille glanced at him. “Yeah?”

“Are you happy too?”

He was silent for a few moments , and Wille took the time to reflect. He mused over the numerous hours he’d spent at Simon’s house doing anything and everything, and if it made him happy. There was only one answer – yes. He knew his parents and most of the public would disapprove strongly, while maybe Erik and a few people wouldn’t but he was happy with who he was and who he was seeing.

Whenever they were together, Simon made him feel free.

They were in front of the beach, and Wille parked the car. He kept the doors locked and looked at Simon.

“I don’t regret anything,” Wille said seriously as he held Simon’s gaze. “I’m happy Simon, and…I want…someday, I want to be free of everything and to just tell everyone, but…not now, okay?” He looked down and let out a heavy breath, “I’m sorry I’m like this, that I don’t have the same courage you do, that I come with so much baggage you have to –“

“Stop, just stop.”

Simon unbuckled his seatbelt, and he reached forward to hug Wille tightly. Wille pulled him closer, and they stayed that way for a while. When Simon pulled away, he cupped Wille’s face and pressed their foreheads together.

“It’ll be okay,” Simon whispered. “I can wait for you. I’ll be here.”

“Thank you,” Wille whispered back before he expressed his gratefulness in the only way he knew how. He kissed Simon and poured all his gratitude, love and joy into the kiss. When he pulled away, Simon drew him back.

“Don’t worry,” Simon whispered. “One day, I just know it, you’ll be free.”

Wille chuckled as he pulled Simon upstairs, the other boy drunk from all the excitement and emotion the other boy was making him feel. Simon held onto him tightly, and they got upstairs noisily with Simon hitting the stair railing every once in a while. As soon as they got into his room, Simon fell onto Wille’s bed and spread his arms out.

There was a delicate expression on Simon’s face, blissful and subtly lustful as well as he met Wille’s gaze in the dark. He stretched his arms out further, and Wille silently made his way over to him. He cupped Simon’s face and kissed him passionately, their tongues intertwining and sliding against each other’s.

Wille could feel Simon’s hands fumbling with his belt buckle.

Simon smiled shyly and ran light fingers across the curve of Wille's jaw. "Touch me."

"What?" Wille rasped , mind going blank. God how he wanted this.

"Touch me," he repeated

"Are you asking me or ordering me?"

Simon flicked his gaze away before meeting Wille's eyes hungrily. "Asking," he replied softly. "Touch me. Please?"

Wille chuckled and helped Simon out of his shirt. He admired the soft glow of Simon’s skin in the moonlight and ran his hands over the other’s chest, and he could feel Simon shiver from the contact. He leaned down slowly and began to suck and bite at the juncture between Simon’s shoulder and his neck, and Simon moaned softly underneath him.

Warm fingers tentatively skimmed the flesh above Simon's waistband, drawing circles into soft skin. He ran hands up and down Simon’s thin chest, running the pads of his fingers across pert nipples before dropping back to Simon's loose-fitting plaid pants. "Like this?"

The smaller boy smiled, his skin taking on a blushed glow. "Lower."

Wille stared down at Simon , taking in the moment before saying “You are going to be the death of me, you know”

Their lips met , open with a teasing touch of tongue. Simon straddled his lab and sat right on Wille’s crotch . He rocked back and forth, pulling louder moans from Wille’s throat. Both hands finding their way into his hair. Wille’s kisses were slow and languid, nervous discoveries of Simon’s body. Their hips kept rubbing slowly against each other, providing delicious friction, and Wille hissed as Simon grinned at him in the darkness.

“I think I'm going to come in  my pants,” Simon said, mouth kissing down Wille’s jaw .

Wille Chuckled “At least I'm not the only one.”

He ran his hands up Simon's thighs and then around his ass pulling their bodies together ,to flip them, holding himself over the curly haired boy.

“Wille…”

They were caught up in the moment, and Wille pressed his forehead against Simon’s and ran his hands through the other’s hair. They smiled against each other’s lips, and were absorbed in their own private little world. Slowly, they resumed their kisses with equal fervor, but they were too consumed with one another to hear the door open.

The lights flickered on, and Erik let out a loud gasp.

“Oh my God.”

Wille broke away from Simon immediately, and he stared at his brother. Erik stared back at him before his eyes darted to look at Simon, quite obviously male and quite obviously aroused underneath his brother. It was a tense moment, and Wille could feel his heart thudding in his chest. Nothing was coming to his mind, but the way Erik was staring at him scared him.

Was he going to reject him?

“I –“

Erik took a step back and quickly rushed out of the room, and Wille stumbled over Simon to get to him. He tripped over Simon’s legs and fell onto the floor, but he quickly got up and ran out after his brother. He looked around wildly and paced down the stairs, taking two at a time.

Just as he was about to head out the door, he stopped when he saw Erik sitting on the couch. He raised his eyes off the floor and looked at him, and he approached him slowly. He made no move to leave the room, and it didn’t seem like he was going to speak, so Wille knew that he would have to be the one to speak first.

“I didn’t know you were coming home,” he whispered.

Erik swallowed and looked away for a moment before he met his younger brother’s careful gaze. “I…I didn’t want to leave you alone tonight. I figured that we could have uhm, a midnight snack or something…”

“Erik, I…”

“Does he make you happy?” Erik asked softly. He held his brother’s gaze, “Is…is he the person you’ve been seeing for the past couple of months?”

“Yes.” Wille swallowed hard and stared at Erik. He was the only one who truly loved him in their entire family. If he rejected him, if he were disgusted by him – he would be devastated. His heart clenched painfully in his chest, and he knew that his pain was visible on his face. “Please, don’t…please…” He couldn’t stammer out the next words, and before he knew what was happening, Erik had gotten off the couch and wrapped his arms around him tightly.

He hugged him tightly and could feel the tears leaking out of the corners of his eyes as he sobbed against his frame.

“I’m queer,” he whispered brokenly against his hair. “I’m –“

“I love you,” he spoke, his voice firm and warm. Erik pulled away from him, and he held his arms tightly. “I don’t care about who you love, as long as they treat you well and make you happy. You’re my only real family. I love you. Just as you’ve protected me through the years…I’ll protect you. I am so proud of you, Wille.”

His smile was watery as tears rolled down his cheeks, “So this is who has you kicking and screaming anytime your phone rings ” He whispered, “I like him , he’s cute, you definitely have a type”

The siblings laughed, and Wille held his brother tightly once more. His heart was overflowing with emotion, and he could feel Erik's love radiating off him in waves. He felt so much stronger, knowing that he supported him, and even though he would still have to keep things hidden, at least now he knew that not everyone would be against him when the truth would come to light.

There was a sound from the stairs, and the siblings broke apart to see Simon, timidly standing at the foot of the stairs. He’d put his shirt on, and he was eying them warily, unsure of what to do. Wille smiled reassuringly, but before he could say anything, Erik spoke first.

“Do you like ice cream?” he asked as he wiped his tears away. Wille watched as he approached Simon and held out his hand. A small smile came to his face, and he was reminded all the more of why he loved Erik so much. He was always so open with people – always so willing to love despite the loveless parents they’d grown up under, and he had never appreciated his loving nature more than he had at that moment.

"Oh wait, sorry. Hi, I’m Wille’s older brother, Erik. I…haven’t heard much about you, but I guess I could get to know you better tonight…if you’re staying over."

Simon bit his lip and shook his hand. “I’m Simon…” He kept his eyes focused on the taller one and asked, “Would it be okay if I stayed over?"

“Sure,” Erik said happily as he turned away and began to make his way to the kitchen, “It’ll be fun, I promise. It’ll be nice to finally meet my brother’s boyfriend.” He disappeared into the hallway, and the two boys stood quietly in the living room.

Simon looked up at Wille. “Is…is it okay with you if I stay?”

Before Simon could say anything more, Wille crossed the distance between them and kissed him. When he pulled away, Simon looked up at him worriedly, so Wille soothed those fears by running his hands through the other’s hair. He smiled and hugged Simon tightly.

“I think I love you,” he whispered as he pulled Simon closer, “I really do.”

His heart was pounding in his chest as he waited for Simon’s reply. He could feel Simon sink deeper into his embrace, so he said nothing further and simply waited for the other to reply. After a few more seconds of silence had passed, Simon finally spoke.

“I think I love you too,” he murmured.

They stood in a comfortable silence for a bit longer before Wille pulled away. He reached out and held Simon’s hand tightly, a smile on his face. As he stared at the face of the boy who’d come to mean so much to him – love, hope, freedom, and so much more, Wille couldn’t help but feel a wave of peace wash over him.

He couldn’t help but feel all the more sure that his heart had chosen correctly. This boy standing in front of him, so filled with love and life, was the one. One day, when he was strong enough and ready to do so, he’d take the leap and risk everything to be with him.

They’d face the future together, and everything would be alright.