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“The next Ryusei Red?! An exclusive interview with…”
“Let’s settle this once and for all, which Knights member is…”
“Jin and Akiomi make their new debut as… teachers?! Fans are…”
“Who is the HOTTEST member of…”
Humming to himself, Hinata flipped through the pages of the newest idol magazine, its glossy pages filled with secret love lives and bubble font. The outfits everyone has on are so pretty, Hinata thinks. Yuuta would appreciate it; he knew that Yuuta was starting to become a little self conscious about his clothing, after all.
Hinata paused on one of the pages. This picture of the new merch looks nice. Hinata doesn’t really know what he would do with a photocard, though. Maybe they would look nice on some kind of display on the wall, he thinks, as his mind drifts to the helplessly empty walls of his own room, the one he shares with Yuuta. It’s probably best not to dwell for too long though, so he flicks to the next page.
Just then, Hinata hears the door click open. Dad doesn’t come into their room on his own, so it must be Yuuta! Hinata doesn’t look up from the magazine, but still sounds enthusiastic when he sings, “Yuu~ta-ku~n!”
The door clicks shut as Hinata’s greeting is left hanging, but he doesn’t think much of it. From the corner of his eye, he can see Yuuta walk to the opposite of the room, towards his bed. Hinata quickly skims through the magazine, eventually stopping at the page with the fashion spread he saw earlier; the one he thought Yuuta would like. “I have a new magazine for us! Come lookie!”
Nothing comes from that but silence, and then a little sniff, meek and sad. “I don’t-” another sniff, “I don’t want to look at a magazine right now, Aniki.” Yuuta’s voice is so shaky and as Hinata looks up, realization of the situation dawns on him and his smile falls in an instant. Yuuta curls into himself, hiding further under the little blanket.
“Yu… Yuuta-kun?” It’s on instinct that Hinata immediately goes to Yuuta, the magazine he was invested in just a minute ago now dropping on the floor, forgotten. Hinata gently takes a seat on the edge of Yuuta’s bed, and with that, whatever composure Yuuta had left crumbles, a building with no foundation. His chest heaves up and down, uneven and ragged under the blanket, hiccuping on his sobs as the pillow under his reddening cheek becomes wetter and wetter.
When Yuuta cries, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts so much. More than anything else Hinata knows and it makes him feel just so helpless. As tears roll down in streams across Yuuta’s face, Hinata feels tears prick his own eyes too, but he knows he can’t ever let himself cry. Not in front of Yuuta. He’s the ‘onii-chan’ now, and he has to be strong. So he gulps the lump in his throat down and blinks his tears back and says, “Yuuta-kun, I’m here for you, I love you.” He uses one hand to gently rub Yuuta’s back and with the other, he reaches his hand under the blanket in search of Yuuta’s hand. It doesn’t take long before Yuuta reaches up too, holding Hinata’s hand close and tight as he cries.
Gentle reassurances continue to fall from Hinata’s lips as minutes slip by, and finally, mercifully, Yuuta’s tears begin to slow. His eyes are horribly puffy and his breath still catches in his throat every few seconds in the aftermath. He looks so, so tired.
Hinata forces a small smile onto quivering lips, ones that threaten to collapse into a pained frown as they may have done a year ago. Creepy, disgusting, freakish, cursed. Yuuta’s pain is his own and like a scar that never heals, he knows it all too well.
Right now though, all he wants to do is soothe Yuuta. Hinata leans down, giving his forehead a gentle kiss. He rests the hand that was rubbing small circles into Yuuta’s back and brings it up, using his thumb to softly wipe away a tear on one of Yuuta’s cheeks.
He almost doesn’t want to ask what happened, as if to spare Yuuta the bitter pain of vocalizing his thoughts, or repeating whatever their father-like figure could have said this time. Hinata figures, though, that if Yuuta doesn’t want to talk about it, he won't. Quietly, he puts forward the offer: “Do you wanna tell Onii-chan what happened?”
Yuuta’s gaze lifts to meet Hinata’s, but just as quickly, he looks away again, as though he’s unsure if he should mention it or not. He remains silent for a while longer; composing his thoughts, perhaps, but eventually, he mutters, “It was him again. I hate him so much.”
Knowing what it was already didn’t stop Hinata’s heart from sinking down into his stomach, swift and sure, a lonely coin plunging to the bottom of a well on a wish that will never happen. He doesn’t know what to say, other than to offer a small, “I know.”
Hinata leans down again, this time wrapping Yuuta in a hug that he prays is comforting. It reassures him when he feels Yuuta pull an arm from under the blanket to return the hug, weak as it is.
The magazine is still open on the floor. It’s dropped at an awkward angle; surely, there’ll be an ugly bend in it that Hinata will have to flatten out later on. Maybe, now that Yuuta’s cheered up a little more, the magazine could be a nice distraction? He gives Yuuta one last squeeze before pulling back to go and pick it up, but then pauses. The magazine…!
“Yuuta-kun, let’s be idols together!"
Hinata didn’t think it out at all when he said it, but now his mind is racing, it won’t stop, and the more he thinks about it, the more determined he gets. Maybe this is one of his impulsive ideas; Yuuta’s been scolding him for those lately.
But this idea, this epiphany, it feels different, like it might really have a chance of working.
Yuuta’s looks caught off guard, unsure of how to properly react. “Wha- Huh? What are you talking about?” By now, his arm has left the hug too, resting limp on his chest while the other remained hidden under the blanket.
“Idols! We should be idols together,” Hinata repeated, a smile on his face once more, “You know, like in the magazine!”
Whatever peace Yuuta had reached quickly faded, his confusion souring into an expression that was much more unpleasant. He shook his head. “Ugh, I’m not in the mood to joke around right now. I just got done crying and I’m tired. I know you’re just trying to, I don’t know, cheer me up maybe, but just quit it, okay?” And with that, as if to physically stop any further attempts at conversation, he rolls over, facing away from Hinata.
Hinata’s smile falls a little as Yuuta turns, a strange wave of desperation overcoming him as he realizes that he can’t let go of this idea, not just yet, he just has to get Yuuta to listen, it might change everything, if he could only just…
“Please? At least hear me out?” He put a hand on Yuuta’s shoulder, then two, shaking him gently back and forth. “Please, Yuuta-kun, please? Just this once?”
Something in Yuuta’s expression shifts. Hinata can’t quite tell what it is, but it’s definitely softer. And then, it’s so quiet, he must not have meant for Hinata to hear it: “Aniki never asks me for stuff like this anymore, huh…?” A few seconds pass and Yuuta shifts a little, not facing Hinata yet but not quite turning away anymore, either. Rather, he tilts his head, looking Hinata in the eyes. “Okay. I’ll listen.”
Hinata feels a smile burst onto his face once more. “Yuuta-kun is so nice!” he exclaims. It’s important to get this pitch right, but something stops him from sharing his true feelings. Yuuta’s pain is his, but Hinata always hates how it works the other way, too. If he says the real reason why he wants to be an idol, it will be an extra burden on Yuuta. He’s already burdened by far too much.
It’s easy to think of an alternative reason. “If we become idols, we could move out of here. We could get nice food, a warm house, nice clothes... I know you’re a bit embarrassed about these ones. We could do all kinds of stuff on our own.”
Yuuta looks thoughtful, his gaze elsewhere. “Yeah, it would be nice. But,” he looks back pointedly at Hinata, “you’re hiding something from me, aren’t you?”
Hinata splutters, his heart freezing in the panic of getting called out. “Wh- what do you mean?”
“Hmm,” Yuuta mused to himself for a second, “We don’t need to become idols for that. Any job would do. There’s gotta be more to it than just that if you want me to listen so badly.”
Hinata felt his jaw drop a little. Yuuta really did just see right through him. He laughs a little, one part nervousness, one part flustered, a little more choked than he would have liked it to sound. “Ahh, I was caught… You sure are smart…!” he manages.
Hinata’s mind is a rush, a blur of incoherent, abrupt thoughts. What now? He can’t tell the truth, but what other lie could possibly sound more convincing? It’s too late to deny Yuuta’s accusation now, too. He suddenly feels lost, his mind numb yet at the same time, incomprehensibly loud. The ice has cracked and he’s sinking, struggling. Then- “Aniki.”
Hinata forces himself to look down at Yuuta, whose gaze is already waiting for him. “Tell me the real reason. Maybe I’ll consider it then.”
Slowly and shakily, Hinata nods, catches his breath, and the storm begins to quiet. His path has been decided for him: he’ll tell Yuuta the truth like he asks. It feels strange to be honest with his emotions, but he pushes forward.
“I wanna be an idol together. You and me, twin idols, like two in one. No one else is doing that right now, so it would be special, you know? And…” He pauses, looking for the words, “I want you to be loved. Us, I want us to be loved. For being us.”
Yuuta listens silently. His eyes are beginning to look misty again. Hinata continues, shaking slightly but now unable to stop. “If we became idols together, no one would ever say we’re disgusting or creepy or cursed ever again. We’re not… We’re not cursed. We’re blessed! I know because Yuuta-kun is my blessing! I’m so blessed with you.” Hinata’s eyes are beginning to look misty, too.
The two sit in the weight of what Hinata just said, neither of them saying anything but both of them knowing that they don’t have to. Yuuta wants the same thing just as badly. The idea of not being scorned and brushed aside, of being treated with care. Of being embraced in all senses of the word. How nice it would be.
Hinata doesn’t know when, but at some point, Yuuta shifted once more, now fully facing him again. Yuuta is the first to break the silence. “How…? Being an idol costs money we don’t have. We’re already struggling.”
Yuuta looks sad when he says that, but this time, Hinata feels a surge of determination to make this plan work. “I’ll do anything! I promise, I’ll find a way for us!” He exclaims.
The beginnings of a smile works its way onto Yuuta’s face. He paused for a second, and then held out his hand. “Alright, then. Let’s do it, Aniki. I want to be an idol with you, too…!”
Hinata takes Yuuta’s hand and he feels so, so happy.