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"Why can't you be normal? Why must you be a problem you ungrateful child" Kujou Takayuki grumbled.
Sara knelt with her head down, bounded by some rope and could barely understand words said to her. Sara, now Kujou Sara for reasons against her will, was taken in all of a sudden by the Kujou clan.
How you might ask? They chased her in the forest, caught her with some rope, and forced her to kneel in front of some old man she's never met before.
"Do you have any idea how long it took my men to catch you!" Sara does not, she cannot count, how stupid is this man? To his words, Sara could only tilt her head to the side, looking much like a clueless bird, "No matter, you will be a warrior, that is what I was promised, and that's all you'll ever be from now on. For the glory of the Shogun."
It doesn't help that Sara has little to barely any knowledge of the common language, but it doesn't feel right that the man that took her in, looks at her straight in the eye with some form of irritation.
Phantom words that she couldn't understand was all she could hear from him, and all of them made her feel worse.
Later, Sara- no, Kujou Sara was thrown a book of the common language, a dictionary. It was a thick purple book, that Sara couldn't find any use for other than looking up the only word she could remember.
"N-Normal" She tested the word out as she tried to find it. Finding it difficult seeing has how she isn't so certain of the spelling, mostly basing it on pronunciation.
Kujou Sara continues to skim the pages, until she lands on N, she furrows her brows seeing the world that seemed to match.
Nor·mal
conforming to a type, standard, or regular pattern : characterized by that which is considered usual, typical, or routine.
"Re-gu-la-tion or pat...tern, t-tiipical? Rootine?" It would've been pitying to watch Sara, she butchered the words, and could barely read the sentence. The words that rolled off her tongue like chunky blocks were words she didn't know, so she repeated.
She repeats the words until she no longer stuttered it, wanting to be able to say it properly, getting a bit frustrated that she couldn't "Regulation, pattern, typical, Routine."
Sara hummed contently, finally finding the words pleasing to her ear, she places the dictionary on her lap, then stills, she didn't know what those words meant, and realization came too late.
The young girl sighed, and read the dictionary until she understood all the words under the definition of 'Normal.'
She couldn't.
The young Tengu could only furrow her brow, hours wasted on trying to understand a single word proven fruitless.
Ever since that day, it seemed Sara had placed her knowledge of 'Normal' to use. Religiously following the routine given to her, wanting to follow what was deemed as normal, wanting to be as normal as possible. It had been difficult at first, but with the Kujou clan's strict control, she was straighten out.
It's unfortunate to say that it did not come without punishment, she did not leave unscathed, or without broken bones and bruises.
She finds herself training, fighting, learning more about becoming a warrior, and with the help of teachers, she finds herself expanding her knowledge on the common language.
She had grown, but she was still a child, barely a teenager. Soldiers from the barracks like to boast about how she's grown so much and how she was only an unruly child yesterday. Some men still say she's still an unruly child, showing up to training with short boyish hair, dirt on her face, but with eyes that shone with the determination of a warrior.
Sometimes, they looked at her with pity, a look she couldn't understand. But the men were kind, they offered to play catch with her with the rare free time she was given, they gave Sara the opportunity the Kujou clan could never give, a chance to have fun.
The soldiers she was with at the time couldn't explain the child like wonder they saw as they played a simple game of tag together.
Kujou Takayuki found out.
"Archons, child! Your unruliness should've come to an end years ago!" Kujou Takayuki sighed, loud and rough, harshly scolding Sara right in front of everyone in the training grounds, "I came all the way from a meeting with the Yashiro commission, do you remember their daughter?"
Sara nods, she remembers, her name was Ayaka Kamisato, if elegance were a word, she'd be the definition.
"Why can't you be more like her? Disciplined and in control. But here I am, stuck with a problem, a nuisance- an annoyance!" He raises his voice but Sara does not flinch. Instead, she focuses on one word, 'Nuisance.'
It was a word she didn't know.
Kujou Takayuki rambled and yelled for half an hour, before dismissing Kujou Sara with flick of a hand, rather than the barracks, she was sent back to the Kujou estate, back to her room, her blank, lifeless room.
She ran, not wanting to look back and regret.
She ran in the corridors of the estate, carefully avoiding the maids, some of them reprimanding her with their eyes, but Kujou Sara did not look back. Instead, she slid the doors of her room open and rummaged on her shelf trying to find an old book.
Her dictionary.
Sara sat on her bed with the dictionary on hand, carefully flipping the pages, as the book's cover and paper were starting to wear out, trying to find that word she heard at the start of her adoptive father's the scolding.
There.
Nui·sance
a person, thing, or circumstance causing inconvenience or annoyance.
Sara stills, then goes to read the synonyms.
Annoyance. Inconvenience. Problem.
Problem.
'Why must you be a problem you ungrateful child.'
The young Tengu remembers that word, 'Problem', she knows what it means.
"I'm not a problem... I'm not a nuisance." She tries to convince herself, "I'm normal." she defends herself from no one rather weakly.
The next day, the men that kindly played with her were no where to be seen, when she asked, no one answered her, when she approached, the others turned away.
At the end of the day, she finds all the answers in her room, the answer mocking her with the very thing she found comfort in. It was the dictionary she had used the day before, she had forgotten to close it, but it was still on a certain page.
Prob·lem
a matter or situation regarded as unwelcome or harmful and needing to be dealt with and overcome.
"I'm a problem" Sara whispers, the realization drowning her.
If only Sara knew the soldiers never regretted it, then maybe she wouldn't have been so harsh on herself. Maybe she would've realized that she was never a problem or a nuisance, maybe she would've realized she was only a child.
Normal. Nuisance. Problem.
Those words come again, many times, common words are unavoidable after all.
She could only find comfort in flipping the pages of her dictionary, and reading it's definition, trying to convince herself that-
"I am not a problem"
"I am not a nuisance"
"I am normal"
She ignores how fake those words sound to her ears.
"Oh yes, is this yours?"
Sara opens her eyes and sees Yae Miko waving around a purple book, her dictionary, she recognizes the covers she had replaced in order for her dictionary to last longer and for it to look less worse for wear.
Kujou Sara, who's head was resting on Yae Miko's lap, looks at the book, puzzled; she must have forgotten she brought it with her. It takes a few second before she goes out to reach for it, "Thank you, Guuji Yae-."
Yae Miko backs it out of Sara's reach, wagging a finger around and frowning playfully, Sara smiles, "Thank you, Miko."
Yae Miko smiles contently, the wind moves as if it agrees with her.
"There we go, good girl" She brings her hand back, and Sara finally takes it back from Miko's hands, placing the dictionary right on her stomach, closing her eyes again.
The silence is peaceful, but Miko stares at the dictionary as if it were a strange thing "Why bring a dictionary?"
"To learn?" Sara answers simply, as if it were obvious.
Miko narrows her eyes, and not being able to tell if Sara was being sarcastic or if that were genuinely her answer, but it leaves Miko amused "How old is this book?"
"I'm not sure, but I've had it ever since I was taken in by the Kujou clan." She remembers, how she was bounded by a rope, forced to kneel, and they assumed Sara wanted to be a part of their clan.
She remembers spending hours at night trying to understand one word, then the next day the tired girl was without warning given a wooden sword, told to grip firmly with both hands. That was the only thing she had to defend herself from a veteran soldier wielding a metal katana with the intent to kill.
Sara shifts uncomfortably, and it does not go unnoticed by Miko, but she dismisses it as Sara trying to get comfortable on her lap again, "How could you have kept it all these years?"
"I take very good care of the things I own." Sara answers vaguely, not the answer Miko wanted, but the Guuji of the shrine was starting to notice how a simple dictionary unconsciously had Sara avoiding her questions.
While Miko stared at Sara, the latter could only think, she could only remember, .
When Sara was younger, she had nothing to her name and if she even dared to need something, she needed to directly request it from the Kujou Takayuki.
And every time, he looked at her in annoyance, making her feel like a problem.
It's annoying how simple, normal questions were bringing back so much memories.
Sara's hand moved to be placed on top of the dictionary, almost protectively, and Miko notices, "Sara, if you have a problem-"
"I'm not a problem!"
Sara's body stutters, alarmed by her own outburst, and Miko's eyes widen.
Kujou Sara sits up from Miko's lap, and refuses to face her, her knuckles turning white from gripping the dictionary close to her chest.
"My deepest apologies, Mi- Guuji Yae. I didn't mean to yell at you like that, I-" Sara pauses, unable to find the words, years of reading the dictionary suddenly proving itself useless when she needs it the most.
"Sara, listen to me-"
"I'm sorry, Yae. I have to go-" Sara tries to stand but Miko keeps a hand on her wrist, and Sara stops at the lightless of her touch, it's almost pathetic how it takes very little of Miko's strength to get her to stop.
Then, Sara finally looks at Miko, and the latter swallows a gasp, as she doesn't see Sara cry, but rather see sees a lost look, and fingers itch to open that damned purple book.
Miko opens her mouth, taking the chance, "Sara, you aren't a problem."
The carefulness of her words, the assurance, that's all it takes for Sara to drop the book, and cry.
Perhaps Sara was never normal, she was never meant to be normal, she was never meant to adhere to Kujou Takayuki's normal.
That was the best part about her and they failed to see that.
Yae Miko loved that Kujou Sara was not normal.
"Thank you, Miko."