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Natasha walked down the stairs from the roof of 19's fire station. There was a heavy feeling in the pit of her stomach. She made the right call. She knew it. Still, she was ex-military, and if there was one thing she learned in her past in the army is never defy the chain of command.
She witnessed too many people being hit, or endangering other people just because they did 'the right thing' instead of following orders and protocols. Those protocols exist for a reason. People spent years learning and investigating the right way of reacting to make sure that in the heat of the moment, people won't just follow their gut, but instead make sure the right course of action will be executed.
Yet, here she was following her own gut feeling; here she was not following the chain of command. Was she disobedient? Was she one of these people that she felt so strongly about? It hit her hard. Did she betray her inner self in this call? Natasha got down the stairs next to the barn, while analyzing that day and recalculating all the parameters and variables that led to that moment, to her decision.
At the end of her mental calculation, she was happy to discover she still believed she made the right call. She didn't betray herself. Sometimes, despite everything, the chain of command fails. Sometimes you must follow your own inner sense of moral, despite the protocols. After all, they were warned about immoral or unethical commands in the army.
Natasha took a deep breath. A breath of relief. She straightened her shoulders, and walked into the barn. She felt she was willing to put this incident behind her.
She noticed Beckett was in the middle of the lineup, instructing 19's A shift about their daily chores. She stood on the sideline half hidden by the engine, not wanting to disturb. It seemed Hughes was unhappy with her assignment on toilet duty.
Natasha smirked. No one liked that. However, it was a necessary part of the job. However, that smirk was erased immediately when Hughes whined about the fact the now when Bishop was out of commission Beckett was looking for a new 'whipping boy'.
Natasha knew Hughes was a big joker, and didn't mean for it to sound so bad. However, now she couldn't stop thinking about Bishop. Maya Bishop who was such a proud Captain, and was now a bitter, hurt, and laughable lieutenant. Bishop that lost it all because she was insubordinate. She was disobedient. She broke protocol.
Natasha's brain raced. Will she lose it all to? Did defying the chain of command entitled such a cruel punishment? If she was asked that question a few days ago she would have said yes without a need to even give it a second thought. However, today…
No! She wasn't Bishop. Natasha didn't break protocol since she was disobedient by nature. She simply made the right choice. Bishop has been a problematic person, as was proven by her failed blackmail attempt. That memory still made Natasha's blood boil.
Yet, a small voice in the back of her mind kept reminding her that a boy's life was at stake there. A boy's life that Bishop saved. Natasha tried to bury that voice, but she couldn't forget how harsh she was with Bishop when she informed her about her decision. And while Natasha still stood behind it, and still thought that Bishop was just insubordinate, she started to acknowledge it wasn't all black and white.
Bishop deserved to be heard. Natasha should have given her a chance to speak her side. Even if it wasn't going to change her mind or the final decision. Natasha took a deep breath, knowing she messed up here. Yet, she wasn't the kind of person to evade facing problem. So, she headed to her vehicle while searching her phone for Bishop's home address inside her file.
Natasha wasn't a hypocritical person, and she was willing to admit her mistakes. She will give Bishop the chance to explain her actions that day, even if it was years after she should have been given the chance.
Ten minutes later, Natasha found herself standing in front of Bishop's closed apartment door. Bishop lived so close to the station she probably reached it faster by foot, than by car.
Natasha took a deep breath, straightened her shoulders and knocked on the door. She made sure to put her serious no bullshit face up. She will let Bishop talk, because she deserved that chance. That didn't mean she liked or forgave Bishop. Yet, she won't let personal feeling affect her. She was a professional.
The door swag open to reveal a very disheveled Maya Bishop. She looked bad, broken. That wasn't the proud woman she met even just 2 months ago at the station. That stung. Natasha didn't like Bishop at all, but she was never happy to see a strong woman getting hurt.
"Whatever it is you are selling…" Bishop said, just to cut her sentence the moment she noticed the identity of the person standing on her doorstep. "Chief Ross," came the acknowledgment right after. Natasha could see the way Bishop righted her body, straighten her shoulders, up righted her head, she almost looked proud again.
Yet, at the same time she could also notice the way Bishop tightened her jaw, and the cold ice stare that appeared in her eyes. Well, she shouldn't be surprised that Bishop didn't like her. And it was OK, since the feeling was mutual.
"Lt. Bishop," she acknowledged back, wondering how to word the reason for her visit while still preserving her pride. Yet, Bishop beaten her to it.
"Are you here so you can have the pleasure of firing me personally?" Bishop asked with a cold voice. Natasha was taken aback for a second. She didn't like Bishop, but she was a good firefighter, and she had no intention of firing her. It wasn't as if they had a lot of people lining up for the job, they couldn’t just fire people because they got hurt.
Also, 'pleasure'? What kind of person Bishop thought she was? She can be ruthless, of course, but she wasn't the kind of person that hurt people for her own enjoyment. If she was honest with herself, she was sad that their relationship was such that Bishop had such a low opinion about her.
"No. of course, not." She hurriedly said. "Your job is waiting for you once you will be cleared by all needed parties." She thought it was best to avoid mentioning the identity of the parties. She was here to hear Bishop regarding the incident that led to her being disobedient, not to embarrass her about her latest injury.
Bishop said nothing but raised her right eyebrow giving her a questioning look. She was waiting for Natasha to explain herself.
"I wanted to hear from you regarding the incident…" Natasha started, just be stopped by Bishop.
"Chief, it is urgent?" Bishop asked apathetically. "Will my feedback on whatever call this is about, have immediate implications that you need to be aware of as soon as possible?"
Natasha froze for a second. She wasn't expecting that question. "No," she answered truthfully. After all, it waited for 2.5 years, it wasn't an emergency.
"Then with all due respect chief, it will have to wait." Bishop answered coldly.
"I beg your pardon?" Natasha was confused.
"You are my chief," Bishop answered. "This means you have authority to tell me what to do on the job,” Bishop said while emphasizing the last 3 words. "This is my house," she went on saying with a cold look. "And I am on leave ATM. Hence, unless it is an emergency, whatever it is will wait until I am back and you will actually have authority to tell me what to do. Now please leave you are unwelcome here." And with those parting words she closed the door in Natasha's face.
Natasha stood there shocked. She didn't see that one coming. Bishop was many things: rude, cold, demanding, and Natasha knew she didn't like her. However, Bishop was also ambitious, professional and has respect toward authority. While Bishop had a point, this behavior was not typical for her.
That thought gave Natasha a pause. If Bishop was respectful toward authority, how was it possible for her to be labelled as disobedient? Did she read this woman wrong? Natasha hated to be wrong, but she hated even more to make the same mistake twice. Bishop wanted her to wait until she was back to work. So be it. It will give Natasha the time she needed to get her facts straight.
4 hours later, Natasha sat in her office with the door shut. She just finished reading Bishop's personal file ever since her registration to the academy to the very last report Beckett wrote about her performances. Against her better judgment, she had to admit she was impressed. If she ignored the end of it, the file was impeccable. It seemed Bishop was highly valued by her former Captains. Chief Ripley who didn't have a lot of interaction with her, was impressed enough to personally recommend her for Lt. Even Sully wrote great things about her and picked her to be 19's Captain.
Bishop had a hard time at the beginning with her role as Captain. According to reports, the team didn't handle the transition that well. However, it was obvious she was just starting to get over it as well when everything changed. Suddenly, it seemed as if the reports from her supervisors described a completely different person. From a professional, protocol follower firefighter she turned into an insubordinate, rules breaker person.
Natasha remembered how she read that file when she was installed as chief and immediately dismissed the first part as irrelevant while making her opinion regarding Bishop solely based on the last part. Now, however, she wasn't so sure about her initial impression anymore. She was even more doubtful when she read Beckett's reports.
While he obviously held no affection toward the Lt, and it was obvious he treated her poorly, his reports still indicate respect toward her abilities. Moreover, it seemed she was an obedient rule follower. According to reports, Bishop knew the protocols better than everyone else in 19, if not all of SFD, did. And, if Natasha was honest with herself she was happy Beckett forced all his reports on Bishop, she did a much better job than he ever did in this regard.
Natasha was concerned when she first noticed that about an hour ago. She wanted to know the reason for the change. She was aware it might have been a personal matter, that effected Bishop's performances, but she doubted it. She was starting to understand Bishop, and it didn't fit. Moreover, from what she knew about Bishop's personal life she was actually in a good place with her now wife, then girlfriend. So Natasha digged deeper. She wanted an answered.
Natasha sighed. She found her answer, and she really didn't like it. The changes started the moment chief Dixon started to enforce his way on SFD. Either Dixon himself or one of his trusted men signed almost all the negative reports about Captain Bishop. Even when Dixon left, his successor, McCallister, was obviously a man with a similar mindset.
Natasha knew that if she ignored those reports, if she looked only at the incident report and Bishop's history, with her new understanding about doing the right thing even if it wasn't according to protocol, she would have reinstall Bishop as Captain. However, at the time she didn't. She believed the reports; she had no reason not to. She didn't know who Dixon was, and what kind of methods he used to get his way. Moreover, at that time she didn't believe in defying the chain of command under any reason.
The main question was what she was going to do now. She has an open Captain position in station 88, and she really must take care of Beckett. So that meant finding two capable Captains, when finding even one was hard. Professionally speaking it seemed Bishop was capable and fit for the job. Yet, Natasha was reluctant to give it to her.
Natasha took a deep breath. She needed to make a professional decision about a person she was in a personal dispute with. She had to make sure she would make the right decision. She already let her personal feeling interfere with her decisions making regarding Bishop before, and it ended badly.
Yet, after a thorough analysis, she knew that her reluctance wasn't personal this time. Bishop irritated her with that blackmail attempt, yet she never took it to the next step, and it wasn't much different than the 'cold war' she had with Beckett. She could and would work with Bishop as Captain as long as they have mutual professional respect one toward the other. However, after recent events she needed to know Bishop was stable enough for the job.
It made her mad to understand how badly Beckett allowed himself to treat a subordinate. True, she informed him about the situation with Bishop hoping he will take care of it for her, but she never meant for him to take it that far. And now, knowing that she was at fault with her initial decision that cause the initial dislike between the two, as well as with turning a blind eye regarding Beckett's behavior she felt a bit guilty.
She knew Bishop was at fault as well. She made her own bad decisions. Yet, she paid the price. For the last 7 months, her life at work was hell, which led to her being mentally unstable and eventually hospitalized. And, according to the recent gossip might have cost her her married. That was a heavy price, but she never complained. Natasha felt guilty, since she, Sully and Beckett were in the wrong too, but never paid the price.
Yet, she couldn't give Bishop the Captain position just because she felt bad about things, just like she couldn't not give it to her just because she dislike her. Natasha looked at the report she got from Dr. Lewis regarding Bishop.
Dr. Lewis cleared Bishop for action. She determined that Bishop was stable enough to return to work, but mention they are continuing regular meetings to resolve past and current traumas, that needed working on, but shouldn't influence Bishop's performances. Dr. Lewis also suggested allowing Bishop more time before returning to work, if she felt she needed it. In addition, she hinted at the need for team re-building regarding 19's A shift.
Natasha had mixed feeling regarding this report. She was happy to hear that Bishop was getting better. She might still be resentful toward Bishop, but she could now respect her as a strong woman and good firefighter. It was good to hear she was working on herself and will be back to work soon. At the same time, it was painful to understand that there were real issues between 19's A shift members. It seemed Hughes's comment might not have been that innocent and joke-full as she wanted to believe.
Yet, that was a problem for later. Now Natasha had to decide about Bishop, and while Dr. Lewis's report was good enough to enable Bishop's return to a Lt, position, and very promising for later, Natasha needed to know if Bishop was stable enough to become a Captain right now. She debated calling Dr. Lewis and questioning her, but decided against it. Dr. Lewis was a professional, she would never violate patient's privacy by answering the questions Natasha needed answers for.
No. If Natasha wanted answers, she needed to get them from the source of it. From Bishop herself, which already informed her she wasn't welcome to visit her at her house. Natasha checked 19's shift arrangement on her computer and noticed Bishop was assigned to work tomorrow morning. No problem. Natasha can wait.
----
Natasha walked into station 19 10 minutes before the beginning of the new shift. She wanted to be there to speak with Bishop before her shift started, but was held back by an unexpected problem in station 12. Sometimes she felt like a kindergarten teacher with a few houses full of kids. Anyway, it seemed like her rushing to get there early was in vain, since Bishop wasn't there yet. Which was untypical for the Lt.
She noticed Gibson in the reception area and was just about to ask him about Bishop whereabouts, when said Lt, stormed into the station.
Bishop walked into the station, already wearing her uniform. She went in with her shoulders straighten, her head held high, each hair in the right place, and her uniform ironed. She was the same proud, strong Lt., that Natasha knew. If it wasn't for yesterday's appearance, Natasha would have never known how badly Bishop was hurting from all of it. Bishop was good at holding her façade. Natasha realized what that means. You don't get that good about it without a lot of practice. She could feel some of her resent toward the Lt. easing.
"Bishop. You are here." Beckett announced as he left his office.
"Sorry to ruin your day like that, but you weren't good enough to get rid of me completely," Bishop answered sarcastically. It was obvious she had zero respect toward the man, and Natasha couldn't blame her for it. She felt the same way.
Natasha was surprised to see a look of regret and remorse on Beckett's face. She looked toward Bishop wondering how she will respond to that development, but Bishop had her back turned to her Captain.
"Bathroom duty, right?" She asked without even turning toward them.
Beckett was obviously trying to articulate some kind of a sentence, but wasn't successful. Natasha wondered if he was trying to apologies. However, before he was even able to say anything Bishop was already taking the cleaning products out of the supply closet and heading toward the bathroom, not even waiting for Beckett's confirmation about her assigned chore.
Beckett sighed and went back to his office. Obviously, giving up on his initial attempt to communicate with his Lt,. Gibson's snort surprised Natasha. He looked toward the Captain's office with clear loathing. Clearly unpleased with his behavior toward Bishop. Natasha stood there wondering how this station was functioning when there was no respect toward the Captain. She needed to fix that soon.
Natasha had shaken herself out of her thought. She needed to focus; she was here on a mission, which might solve the Beckett problem as well. So, she turned and went after Bishop.
"Lt. Bishop," She called catching up to her just before she went into the toilet.
Bishop turned with a stiff full body turn. Natasha could appreciate that gesture. Although, as far as she knew Bishop didn't have a military background. She made a mental note to check if she had family members that serve.
"Chief? You wanted to speak with me. Something about an incident?" Bishop asked. Natasha took notice that while she was obviously annoy with her approach, Bishop still treated her with respect, unlike her behavior toward Beckett. That made her feel a bit better about future possibilities.
"No. It is OK I already got the needed information in that regard," She stated. "However, there was something else I wanted to talk to you about." Natasha looked at Bishop and wondered how to go about it. She wanted to know if Bishop was stable enough, but she didn't want to reveal her cards. On the other hand, Bishop just stood there looking at her with a questioning look.
Natasha looked around, making sure that the two of them were alone. She was going to have to admit some things and she didn't need people to spread them out.
"I received some reports about Beckett's behavior," She started and stopped giving Bishop the opportunity to respond. Yet, Bishop just stood there with an unimpressed look on her face and waited. She was making it clear that the ball was in Natasha's court.
"It was very disturbing to discover he treated a subordinate like that, treated you this way." She paused for a few seconds, trying to gauge Bishop's response.
She didn't expect Bishop to snort at her. Nor, did she anticipate her smirk. "If you expect me to help you get rid of him by filing a formal complaint, think again." With those parting words, Bishop turned back toward the bathroom.
"Wait," she called out for Bishop. This wasn't her intention when she turned to Bishop, but considering their relationship, she wasn't surprised the woman only expected Natasha to try and take advantage of her. She didn't believe Natasha actually cared, and that hurt a bit, but was expected.
Bishop turned back and raised her right eyebrow in a questioning look.
"That wasn't why I wanted to talk to you." Natasha said. "I have already come to the decision to remove Beckett of his duties as Captain. I simply wanted to inform you that it was never intended for you to have to undergo such treatment," Natasha continued, ignoring the disbelief on Bishop's face, "and I wanted to discuss the possibilities regarding the now open Captain position in this station."
Natasha held her breath. She said it. She couldn't be more clear than that. And, it was probably a bad idea, considering she hadn't informed Beckett about it, nor was she convinced Bishop was stable enough.
"In regard of Beckett –took you long enough." Bishop was clearly surprised. "The amount of rules and protocols' violation this man committed… I was dismissed after one violation to save a boy's life, and he could just… never mind. Just, it is about time." Bishop was mostly mumbling to herself at that point, but Natasha chose not to respond. Bishop deserved to rant about it at least once. After all, she wasn't wrong. Therefore, Natasha gave Bishop a few seconds to recover and respond to the second part.
Bishop had shaken her head and turned back to Natasha. "Your possibilities Chief?" Bishop's look was unreadable. Natasha almost held her breath. She knew what would happen now. "There are no possibilities here. There is only one right answer," Natasha knew that Bishop would now claim the position that Natasha almost handed her. She just hoped she made the right call. "Herrera should get the job; she is your best option, and will be an amazing Captain."
This was the second time in two days that Bishop left her speechless from shock. Natasha had to respect a woman that was able to surprise her that many times in such a short duration.
"Herrera?" She asked confused. She honestly didn't see that one coming.
"Oh please," Bishop gave her a cold look. "We both know your boyfriend is not up for this job right now. Please don't make me lose the tiny amount of respect I still hold toward you, by picking him for the job, over a much more qualified person."
Natasha turned her head a bit to the side and gave Bishop, an unimpressed look. "I wasn't going to promote Robert. I am well aware he still needs to prove himself before he can climb any more ranks." She said eventually. She was irritated to discover Bishop thought she might do something that unprofessional. Yet, she was glad to hear Bishop still held some respect toward her. Even if just a little. They will work on that.
"Then what other possibilities where you talking about?" Asked Bishop. "Ruiz? He made if perfectly clear he doesn't want to be Captain anytime soon. And you better not bring an outsider when we have a much more than capable option right here in the house."
Natasha wondered if Bishop really didn't get it or was she playing dumb on purpose. "This house has one more Lt. in it, Lt." She eventually said.
"Me?!" Bishop seemed like she was going to burst out laughing.
"Don't you think you will be a good Captain?" Natasha asked, truly baffled. The Bishop she knew wouldn't hesitate to try and promote herself.
"In this station? No." There was a sorrowful look in Bishop's eyes. "There is a need for mutual respect between the Captain and the team. This isn't the case here anymore, on both sides." She has bitten her lower lips as if considering saying something else, but then she just moved on. "Herrera has their respect. She can rebuild them as a team. She will do a good job with them. You won't regret giving her this option."
The use of third person regarding the team didn't escape Natasha's noticed. Bishop didn't consider herself part of 19 anymore. That thought sadden Natasha greatly and reminded her Dr. Lewis's remark regarding the need for the team's reconstructing. Beckett did a lot of damage here that will need to be addressed and taken care of.
Yet, she couldn't ignore the obvious growth that Lt. Bishop went through. To be able to acknowledge that weakness and understand she wasn't the right person for the job, even though she probably wanted it and felt it was robbed of her. Natasha gave Bishop a look; this wasn't the cold hearted bitch Lt, she thought she met almost a year ago. She might actually grow to like this new person she was learning to know now.
"How about a Captain position in a different station? I have an open position in station –" She started just to be stopped by Bishop raising her hand.
"As if you will give it me." She snorted. "We both know you hate me. And I get it. I wasn't OK. My behavior was unacceptable, and I do apologies for that blackmail attempt, and appreciate you didn't have me fired." Natasha wanted to respond, but Bishop was on a roll "However, I have been paying for that ever since, and I really don't have the power for whatever game this is. Hence, if you want to fire me – go ahead. Otherwise, I will appreciate it if you can just leave me alone and let me do my job."
Natasha paused and wondered how to go on from here. They needed to build trust between the two of them, but she couldn't do it as long as Bishop refused to even talk to her. "You know," she said playfully, deciding to ease the mood. "If you want to re-climb the ranks you will have to talk to me sooner or later."
"In this case, it will have to later." Said Bishop unapologetically. "I have work to do, and more important stuff to focus on right now."
"Like what?" Natasha had to ask. As far as she knew, the job was always Bishop's number 1 priority.
"Like my health and my family." Bishop countered in a matter-of-fact tone. "However, if you are really in a search for someone to promote, you might want to take a look at Gibson's file. That man is an excellent Lt. that just had a hard year. His demotion was uncalled for and just a waste of his abilities. I am not saying he is fit for Captain yet, but he will make a great Lt."
"Really?" Natasha found herself saying. She just re-installed Gibson, she wanted to see his performances and have Dr. Lewis input before deciding about his future. Yet, she did value Bishop's input.
"Yes, really. Only if promoting was your intention of course," Bishop responded sarcastically, while raising her left eyebrow and giving her a cold an unimpressed look. Then, she turned around and enter the bathroom intended to continue with her chores.
Natasha had to give Bishop that, her looks were intimidating. She was sure Bishop could silence an entire team with just one look. For a second, Natasha allowed herself to wonder how it would be to like working with Bishop by her side. Seeing this look pointed toward Dixon. Natasha had to force herself not to smile. She turned on her heels and walked toward her office.
She had a full day of work today. She needed to dismiss one Captain, promote another, find at least a temporary solution for station 88, and resolve the conflict inside station 12. She also needed to come up with a plan how to turn Bishop into her ally. Her, Herrera and Bishop. Natasha couldn't hide the smile now. They will be a formidable team. They weren't there yet. Still, after their talk today she had high hopes that they will get there eventually. Hopefully, sooner than Bishop understood possible.
-----
Andy felt frozen for a second. She sat down on the hose next to her and looked at the other two women that were in the hoses' room with her.
When Maya entered the station, Andy and Vic noticed Carina's reaction. They decided to let her into the hoses' room in order to give her a few minutes to relax, and an opportunity to leave while Maya was busy elsewhere if she chose to.
Neither of them planned nor even imagined, eavesdropping on such a conversation between Maya and Chief Ross. Andy felt grateful for Maya's vote of trust and words of confidant. However, she felt bad. Andy knew Chief Ross better than Maya did. Hence, while she understood Maya's disbelief, Andy knew Chief Ross was sincere. Was it possible her friend just lost the job she wanted so badly, just because, after everything the department put her through, she lost faith in them?
Then a new thought crossed her mind. Disbelief never stopped Maya before. She always went after what she wanted no matter how slim the chances were or what price she was going to pay eventually. After all, she offered herself as Captain when she had a very low chance of getting it, and knew she would pay a personal price. She tried to blackmail the Chief to be reinstalled as Captain. Andy felt tears gathering in the corner of her eyes. She was so proud of Maya and this hard process of growth she was going through.
Andy glanced toward Carina's, full of disbelief and surprise, face and hoped that she understood what that means for Maya to push back such an offer, and that maybe there is still hope for the two of them back.
Andy also noticed Vic's crying face. She knew what triggered that, and she made a silence promise to herself, Vic, Maya and the entire of the 19's A team. If she will get the Captain position, she will rebuild that respect and trust. She will rebuild the team. She will rebuild her family back. All of them will be family again, including Maya.