Chapter Text
my beloved ryuunosuke,
why.
why.
why would you ever think of taking your life away? i didn't know what to think.
i couldn't breath. it felt like the world crumbled beneath my feet when i saw your cold, lifeless body slumped over the blood filled bath tub.
your wrists were littered with gashes, cuts and old wounds that gushed out blood continuously.. like a waterfall.
blood. too much blood. all i saw was red.
after getting home from a nearby shop, this is what i was greeted with?
what i had expected was just you. you, drinking your favorite tea on our leather couch, accompanied with your favorite book.
i wanted to scream. i wanted to cry. for you to come back and treat this as a sick joke. but i couldn't.. i swore that i would be strong.
all i did was simply stare at your pale, porcelain-like face. your features that were now stained with nothing but red.
i wish it were just a dream. i wish you were with me right now. i can't accept this.
i can't i can't i can't i can't i can't i can't
I CANT.
i just find it funny. it's almost as if you didn't care about what you'd leave behind. did you even love me? i wanted to give you a gift. something special. for our anniversary. but you won't see what it is now. back to the present, after just standing there idiotically, i called for help and the ambulance came in pretty quickly.
i had high hopes that you can still be saved. but you were already dead. when the doctors had bared the news, it felt like nothing mattered to me anymore.
i want to follow you and be with you again, but i couldn't bring myself to do it. i really am nothing but a coward.
you were right. truly so.
i'm just a weakling.
your funeral will be held tomorrow. the day i'll get to see your face one last time. your entire physical being.
not even pictures or anything else that can remind me of you will ever make me feel your warmth. i'll have to sleep alone tonight. so much for that stupid promise huh?
i have to go now. it's nearly twelve. time flies too fast.
it feels comforting writing this letter. feels like i can communicate with you in some twisted way, don't you think?
i have to sleep now. i'll talk to you tomorrow, ryuu.
love, atsushi