Valentine's Day Plot

Jack balanced precariously on a chair, reaching to fix another heart decoration in place over the Icehouse bar – having waited around for Pacey to close up before starting.

“Is here good?” he asked, glancing over his shoulder at his friend.

“A little more to the left,” he instructed – waiting as Jack did as asked. “A little more.”

“A little more and I’m going to be falling off this chair,” Jack pointed out – deciding for himself that the position was fine and fixing it in place.

“I’d catch you,” Pacey teased.

“As well intentioned – I hope – as that may be, I’d rather take my chances hitting the ground.”

“You would rather fall than be caught?” Pacey asked – watching as Jack climbed down safely enough to not need intervention.

“By you?” Jack asked, looking back at him. “Yes – absolutely.”

“I get it,” Pacey smirked – moving the chair along as Jack readied the final heart. “At this most romantic time of year, and with this romantic décor surrounding us, you don’t think you’ll be able to resist the magnetic pull that’s always existed between us if you end up in my arms.”

Jack looked back at him – eyebrows furrowed. “Firstly, Valentine’s is not the most romantic time of year. It’s a corporate day of expectation and forced giving.”

“Oh wow – it’s like Jen is in the room,” Pacey laughed.

“Secondly,” Jack continued, ignoring his friend. “A few tacky heart-shaped decorations and a touch of red, does not make romantic décor.”

“Ouch,” Pacey laughed in his continued amusement. “I take offence to ‘tacky’ – do you know how much this cost me?”

“Too much – that’s exactly my point,” Jack nodded – climbing back up onto the chair and positioning the last of the decorations, after hours of helping. “Which brings me to my third – and by far the most important point – there never has been; and never will be, a magnetism between us. And should I ever find myself in your arms, even if in the pursuit of a noble attempt of yours to save my life – I will seriously have to question my life choices.”

“Is that so?” Pacey asked; smirking – always enjoying when Jack protested anything with passion.

“Absolutely,” Jack said firmly – his word punctuated with him fixing the decoration in place.

“So Valentine’s is about nothing more than corporate greed?”

“Exactly,” Jack nodded – climbing down for the final time.

“In which case, Jackers – how come you’ve spent your night here, helping me set of for Capeside’s newest, annual, celebration of love?”

Jack stopped for a moment; not having an immediate come back to that question.

“Because…” he said matter-of-factly – hoping some other coherent and sure words would follow. “Because… you’re my friend. And more importantly – the one that feeds me. So the survival of the Ice House is of dual importance to me. Not to mention that I’m here tonight in the hope that it gives me a guilt-free out not to attend your ‘celebration of love’. Which is a really gross name, by the way.”

“Typical Jack,” Pacey shrugged – realising he should have expected nothing else.

“Meaning?”

“Meaning,” Pacey smiled. “I should have known you would place your stomach over your heart, and resort for reclusiveness over a little bit of good natured fun.”

“I resent that,” Jack replied – less than happy with Pacey’s analysis.

“Why – because it’s true?” Pacey continued.

“It’s absolutely not true.”

“Prove it.”

“How?”

“Come to the party,” Pacey said, eyebrows raised – smiling as Jack realised he had walked into his trap and rolled his eyes.

“You know what,” Jack said, attempting a u-turn. “I don’t have to prove anything to you.”

“Come on – your social life has taken a steep decline since moving back to Capeside,” Pacey reasoned. “And don’t even get me started on your complete lack of dating.”

“And you think that by coming to your Valentine’s party, that will change?” Jack looked back at him questioningly. “This is Capeside, Pacey. It doesn’t matter how many singles you invite; I’m still going home alone.”

“Except that’s not true,” Pacey reminded. “You live with me.”

“Exactly, I can socialise with you at home,” Jack reasoned.

“This is supposed to be about you socialising with people that aren’t me,” Pacey replied. “And as much as I accept your woe-is-me, I’m-the-only-gay-man-in-Capeside thing that you have going on – staying home is not going to help that. At least at the party you have a chance of your ass being grabbed,” he joked.

“Pacey,” Jack groaned, screwing up his face. “Please leave my ass out of this.”

“Sorry, Jackers – I can’t. Your ass is too perfect to be sat home alone on Valentine’s.”

“Since when do you care about Valentine’s?” Jack asked.

“I’m Pacey Witter. I’m all about love. You remember my boat, right?”

“Yes, left shattered in pieces,” Jack reminded. “Metaphor for something?”

“How about I make you a deal?” Pacey offered; ignoring Jack’s previous comment. “Come along this year, and next year I will make it more diverse…”

“If you mean you’re going to come out – I’m still not interested,” Jack said dryly.

“Not what I meant,” Pacey laughed. “And I don’t believe you,” he smirked – realising he needed to change tact. “How about free drinks all night?”

“All night?” Jack questioned.

“All night,” Pacey nodded. “Whatever you want.”

Jack groaned, shaking his head. “Fine.”

“Fine?” Pacey grinned. “That’s all it took – the offer of free drinks?”

“I want dinner too,” Jack said stubbornly.

“Deal.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Pacey had not even considered looking for his brother anywhere other than at work – unsure the last time he had seen him in anything other than his uniform. He made his way into the building that held one too many ghosts of his father for his liking; making his way quickly to his brother’s office – not needing to offer more than a wave to the officer on the front desk to gain access.

Knocking on the door, Pacey waited for Doug’s usual apathetic call to come in.

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” he greeted as he walked in – getting an instant scowl from his brother. “I take it by that look that you didn’t have a mailbox filled with cards and candy?”

“What do you want, Pacey?” Doug asked simply – barely raising his attention from the file open on his desk.

“Nothing. I just wanted to come by and mark your favourite day of the year,” Pacey said; sitting down on the chair in front of Doug’s desk.

“Valentine’s Day?” Doug asked, confused.

“No,” Pacey rolled his eyes. “Well, yes – but I actually meant the anniversary of you getting to haul your little brother into the cells.”

“Ah yes,” Doug nodded, sarcastically. “That was a good day.

“Unfortunately, it’s a greeting card that Hallmark haven’t quite tapped into, so here I am in person to let you know that on this – the anniversary of your greatest policing triumph – your service is both appreciated and valued.”

“Why are you really here?” Doug asked, softening a little – unusually finding Pacey’s good mood more infectious than annoying.

“I came to confirm your attendance for tonight.”

Doug looked back at him blankly.

“The Ice House Valentine’s party,” Pacey said, exasperated.

“Oh, that,” Doug nodded – returning his attention to his work. “I’m not coming to that.”

“What? Why?”

“Because I can think of a thousand better ways to spend my night.”

“You mean, other than supporting your brother and his burgeoning enterprise?” Pacey asked. “One that, may I add, you have financial interest in.”

“Financial interest – not personal interest,” Doug reminded; going back to his work.

“Come on – please,” Pacey persisted. “See, I even said ‘please’ – I am essentially begging you.”

“Why does this matter to you?” Doug asked; realising that something else was going on.

“It’s my first big event since opening, and I want it to be a success.”

“And you need me – why?”

Pacey sighed. “Listen, Doug – I’m going to be straight up with you. I’m getting a little nervous that there is going to be a gender imbalance tonight.”

“So?”

“So, it’s not much of a Valentine’s singles night if the vast majority of people who turn up are women.”

“And you think that my being there is going to redress the imbalance?” Doug asked skeptically.

“It’s a start,” Pacey shrugged – seeing that Doug was not convinced. “Come on – I never ask you for anything.”

“Except money to open a restaurant,” Doug pointed out.

“If I remember correctly, that was an offer. I never asked.”

“True,” Doug conceded. “But an offer that I didn’t realise would tie me into attending events against my will.”

“How about if I throw in free drinks?” Pacey offered – feeling hopeful that his brother would crack.

“Free drinks in a restaurant that I part-own?” Doug countered; raising his eyebrows.

“There’s a cocktail menu,” Pacey tried to entice further. “And Valentine’s seems like the perfect excuse to enjoy all the drinks that would usually incite sexuality-questioning comments from your idiot brother. Tonight, in the name of St. Valentine, I will say nothing.”

“Nothing?” Doug asked – unbelieving.

“Not a word.”

Doug made a humming noise of consideration.

“Please don’t make me actually beg.”

Rolling his eyes; Doug sighed. “What time?”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“What is this?” Jack asked, picking his drink up and reading the napkin that had been placed beneath it.

“It’s a conversation starter,” Pacey replied – looking proud of himself. “There’s twenty different ones to get everyone talking.”

“Have you taken it upon yourself to become Capeside’s matchmaker?” Jack asked.

“Maybe,” Pacey nodded; looking around the gradually filling restaurant. “I just like seeing people happy.”

“Is that all it is?” Jack asked, noting how seriously Pacey had been taking everything.

Pacey shrugged. “I don’t know. There’s something about working around so many people, you start to see little links; little matches – and can see how two people could work well together. Even before they see it themselves.”

“I guess,” Jack conceded, having spotted mini blooming romances between his students before they were aware. “I just want to make sure this isn’t a cry for help.”

“You mean this whole event being the embodiment of my own loneliness and lack of love?”

“Yeah,” Jack nodded, eyes narrowing on him. “Is it?”

“No,” Pacey laughed. “I am actually pretty content.”

“So there is no deeper meaning, or hidden cry for help?” Jack asked – wanting to be sure.

“Beyond wanting things to go well from a business perspective – no,” Pacey shook his head – aware of Jack’s unconvinced look. “Could you please just humour me and play along with all these little gimmicks I have planned for tonight? Maybe let loose and enjoy yourself?”

“Let loose?” Jack questioned reluctantly.

“What’s the point of inviting one of Capeside’s best looking, newly returned bachelors, if you’re just going to sit here sour-faced?”

Jack rolled his eyes; finally taking a sip of his drink – grimacing as he looked back at Pacey.

“Jeez, Pacey – how much liquor is in this?”

“It’s one of my valentine’s cocktails – each with a different Valentine’s themed name.”

“What’s this one called?” Jack asked. “Valentine Hangover Maker?”

“That one is a ‘Cupid’s Arrow’.”

“Of course it is,” Jack groaned; this time taking a more tentative sip.

“It’s good, right?” Pacey grinned.

“It’s not bad, actually,” Jack conceded begrudgingly. “Though I’m really hoping you have some Valentine’s themed food to soak some of this up.”

“That I do, Jackers,” Pacey nodded. “I have a lobster ravioli, a truffle and mushroom risotto, or maybe more to your liking – tonight’s special – The Ice House heart shaped burger.”

Jack laughed; enjoying seeing his friend have some fun with things – having spent months taking his new venture into restaurant ownership a little too seriously at times.

“Sounds great, Pacey,” he smiled, taking another sip of his drink. “But I think I’m going to need one of those burgers pretty soon.”

“I’ll get it for you while you work on this,” Pacey said simply – picking something up from the bar and handing it to Jack.

“What’s this?” Jack asked, taking the paper and scanning his eyes over it.

“It’s a compatibility quiz,” Pacey beamed.

“Pacey, this looks like something straight out of Cosmo,” Jack laughed – unsure if he was more concerned or amused.

“How would you know?”

“You think Andie, or Jen for that matter, didn’t make me do these all the time?”

Pacey laughed. “Then you should be a pro. I’m getting everyone to complete one tonight and then I’ll be offering a free dinner to the two people the quiz deems to be most compatible.”

“I’m not doing it.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t need a quiz to tell me that I have more compatibility with the burger you’re going to serve me than I will anyone else that walks in here tonight,” Jack shook his head – placing it down on the bar.

“You never know – your perfect man could walk in here tonight.”

“Yeah – unlikely,” Jack laughed – shaking his head. “And even if he did, I’m still not completing this quiz.”

“Why not?” Pacey asked.

“I don’t need to,” Jack reasoned.

“Right – because you’d have chemistry,” Pacey winked.

“No,” Jack laughed, rolling his eyes – taking another sip of his drink. “Because I’m already getting a free dinner.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

When Doug walked into the Ice House, his first thought was to turn around and leave again before anyone noticed his arrival. Everywhere he looked there was red paper hearts, and streamers. The music was louder than usual; the tables pushed back to make more space for people to mingle – and it was busy. There was a hum of conversation and laughter filling the air, and he immediately figured that Pacey’s reasons for ‘needing’ him there, had been nothing more than a ploy – just unsure what his real angle was.

His eyes scanned the restaurant; not recognising many people – growing more fearful that his brother was about to ambush him with a blind setup. He took in the sight of the patrons ranging from groups that had remained with the friends that they had arrived with, to the pairs of people attempting to initiate conversation with someone they hoped would transform their Valentine’s into something more socially conformist – looking over the different women that he feared Pacey would try and force him to talk to.

He had already stepped back; his back against the door, ready to retreat, when his wandering eyes fell on someone that did not make him want to run – regardless of how much Doug felt that he should. He felt a smile form on his lips before he could stop himself – realising in that moment that he should have realised that Pacey would have guilted his newly-returned friend into being there too.

In the months since Jack’s return to Capeside, Doug had run into him a few times – having tried to avoid it to begin with, but finding it impossible given having Pacey as their common link. At first, his avoidance had been due to the expected increase of Pacey’s teasing, having found himself ground down over the years; closer with each jibe to breaking – either in anger or admission. It had been something he had not needed; especially with his new responsibilities at work. So he had stayed away for as long as possible – until one night he had come by the Ice House and found Jack sat in virtually the same spot that he was sat in now.

Having joined Jack and Pacey for a drink, he had left knowing that his reason for avoiding Jack had taken a shift – struck by a difference in the man that he had never really known. Someone that he had always been able to categorize as Pacey’s friend, was suddenly very much more than that. He had grown up. He did not look like the boy from Doug’s memories. And his shift into being a man had caused something inside of Doug to shift too. He had spent weeks telling himself that it was nothing more than physical attraction, but as their paths crossed more over time, Doug found himself hooked to more than just his appearance – finding him funny, and smart, and increasingly unforgettable.

“Doug! Over here!” he heard his brother’s voice call, preventing him from escaping without ever being seen; suddenly grateful for it when Pacey’s call caused the man at the bar to turn enough to see him – the smile that formed on his face causing Doug’s insides to feel like they were performing in a circus.

Taking a deep breath, Doug made his way past a few conversing couples, to the bar – stopping at the stool next to Jack.

“You made it,” Pacey said; a tone that left Doug wondering if he was the only one that heard the obnoxiousness – letting it go when he saw no acknowledgement of it in Jack’s expression.

“I don’t recall having much choice,” Doug replied – seeing the smile grow on Jack’s face.

“He forced you too?” Jack asked.

“I think bribed is a more accurate description,” Doug responded; hesitating for a split second before finding the nerve to sit next to the younger man – styling it out as nonchalantly as possible.

“Free food and drinks?” Jack questioned.

“No,” Doug said, looking to Pacey with disapproval. “Just drinks.”

“What can I say – Jack drove a harder bargain,” Pacey shrugged; feeling a little smug – knowing he would have conceded to more if he had had to.

“I’m only here for the hospitality,” Jack said dryly.

Jack did not see Doug’s slight flinch – but Pacey did.

“Speaking of which,” Pacey said, grabbing a couple of glasses. “I think it’s time for another Valentine’s cocktail.”

“They all have Valentine’s names,” Jack explained to Doug; leaning in a little closer as though he was sharing a hushed secret. “And enough liquor that I think Pacey’s unlikely to breakeven tonight – but don’t tell him.”

Doug laughed; seeing the glint in Jack’s eyes – wondering how many he had already had.

“I haven’t quite put my finger on it, but I feel like making a profit isn’t Pacey’s number one priority tonight,” Doug replied.

“Maybe he thinks you could find love with one of his patrons?” Jack asked – eyes looking around the room.

“I very much doubt that,” Doug groaned.

“Why not – there’s some beautiful women here tonight,” Jack continued. “And somewhere,” he said, eyes still scanning the room. “There’s a blonde – Sasha, I think she said her name was – she’s a veterinarian. She seemed fun.”

Doug laughed again; imagining the scene that allowed Jack to know that. “How many women have approached you this evening?”

“None,” Jack dismissed.

“Five,” Pacey corrected; eavesdropping on the conversation as he poured their drinks. “Jack’s been a bit of a hit.”

“That’s not true,” Jack shook his head. “I’m just an unthreatening and easy conversation to be had while drinks are being poured.”

“Right,” Pacey scoffed. “That’s typically the role of the bartender – and yet they have been focused on you. Two of them still had a full drink in their hand.”

Jack simply shrugged; giving Doug a look that let him know that Jack knew it was true, even if he refused to admit it verbally.

“You can relax,” Pacey informed, placing their glasses down in front of the two men. “I have no intention of setting you up with anyone tonight. I just wanted you both here to bask in the greatness of the night.”

“You promise?” Doug asked – unwilling to blindly trust his brother.

“Absolutely,” Pacey nodded. “You both being here removes my guilt of leaving you with no one to talk to should I get pulled away for something.”

“True, but you wouldn’t have needed to feel guilty for that if I were sat at home with a pizza, watching TV,” Jack remarked.

Doug laughed again, causing Pacey to smile more – knowing full well that Jack’s comment was not funny enough to warrant a laugh.

Suddenly feeling a little self-conscious, Doug picked up his drink – taking a sip.

“Wow – you weren’t wrong,” Doug exhaled; directing his comment to Jack before turning back to Pacey. “What is this?”

“That is a ‘Love Potion’,” Pacey smirked.

Picking up his glass, Jack tried his – giving a nod of approval. “This is the winner so far.”

“What’s that?” Doug asked; only then noticing the napkin – reading it out loud. “‘What is your idea of a perfect evening?’”

“The answer to your first question is: it’s a conversation starter,” Jack explained, before Pacey could. “And your second question: a night at home, in front of the TV, with a pizza,” he joked.

“If you want to find a match tonight, you’re going to have to work on your answers,” Pacey teased.

“Trust me – even if George Clooney walked in tonight, I wouldn’t give you the satisfaction of meeting him at this party,” Jack laughed back.

“George Clooney?” Pacey pondered – eyes falling briefly on his brother. “So you have a thing for older men. Interesting.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Having delivered a couple more drinks, Pacey was purposely keeping his distance – the sound of laughter making its way over to him from where his friend and brother were still sat together at the bar. Each time he looked over, the men were deep in conversation, or sharing a joke; a smile growing on his own face as he was forced to accept how easy it had been to pull off his plan – hoping things were moving in the direction he imagined.

He had spent months watching his brother’s wistful looks in Jack’s direction, when he thought no one was looking. Months of something in his brother beginning to change – an edge that had been there for the whole of Pacey’s memory, slowly softening. Something in the way Doug spoke about his life, warming a little; as though he was slowly coming out of hibernation into a whole new world – finding himself emerging into a summer rather than the long winter he had grown used to. It had not taken long for Pacey to realise that Jack was the summer that had been missing from his brother’s life. The sunshine that broke through the weight of the clouds. It was in conversation with him that Doug’s tone was most sincere. In his presence that his smile was most genuine. And though the two men never found reason to venture beyond small talk and general pleasantries, Pacey could not help but notice how much they had in common – in a way he never would have expected.

At first, it had made Pacey feel sad. Not just for the years of hiding his brother had committed himself to, or for the years of teasing he had made Doug endure – realising that he had most likely turned the key in the lock of the closet when he had in fact meant to help push against the pressure of the door. What had caused him the deepest sadness was Jack’s seeming ambivalence to Doug’s existence. The way Jack welcomed his presence when he was there, but never asked of him otherwise. Worried that his brother was the only one having thoughts of the other man.

That was until he began thinking more like Jack; realising that Jack’s interest in someone was rarely explicit – especially when that other person was the ‘straight’, sheriff brother of a close friend. What he did notice were the subtle changes in his friend – the way he dressed differently; his hair a little more styled, when Doug came by the house. He noticed how Jack’s questions seemed a little more honed, and less generic – all while keeping an air of casualness to them. He noticed how he remembered things that Doug told him, in a way Pacey had not even witnessed from Jack when he had been in an actual relationship.

He had sat back; not said a word – waited. He had assumed that eventually either Jack would slip up, or Doug would feel either comfortable or compelled to say something. To him, or to Jack. Pacey did not really care which. Even understanding why maybe Doug would not want to talk to him directly. Just wanting him to be happy. But as weeks turned into months, Pacey had been growing impatient. The looks Doug was throwing his oblivious friend, still going unnoticed, and the cautious interest being shown by Jack, not being enough for Doug to gamble on. In the end, Pacey knew he needed to do something to get things moving, and while he knew it was not really the answer, he knew that at least one of the men would crack under the influence of alcohol. He just needed to get them in the same place for a reasonable period of time without them feeling like they were under the spotlight. And so, the Icehouse’s first Valentine’s party had come into being.

“What is so funny?” Pacey asked, making his way back behind the bar – noting two more empty glasses in front of the laughing men.

Jack looked up from the page that was in his hand; having not been aware of Pacey’s presence until he spoke.

“This quiz,” he said, holding up the page – his eyes moving to Doug for a second. “Where did you even find it?”

“An online dating site,” Pacey shrugged – seeing that his answer only caused more amusement. “It came highly rated.”

“Surely there’s more important things to figure out than whether you’d prefer to spend Saturday night at the movies or on a sunset walk,” Jack commented – reading one of the questions.

“What could be more important than that?” Pacey asked facetiously.

“I don’t know,” Jack rolled his eyes dramatically – in a way that told Pacey all he needed to know about his level of intoxication. “I would be more concerned about whether a potential date has serial killer tendencies, or weird fetishes – rather than a choice between two perfectly date worthy evenings.”

“How about you?” Pacey asked – looking at his brother, whose stool was definitely closer to Jack’s than it had been before.

“Do I have serial killer tendencies or weird fetishes?” Doug asked – causing Jack to laugh. “No – I don’t think so.”

Pacey smiled; relatively certain that Doug was joining in the fun rather than misunderstanding his question – though it wasn’t always easy to tell.

“I meant if you agreed with Jack’s notion that both of those activities were date worthy?”

“I guess,” Doug shrugged; picking up his glass before realising it was empty – placing it back down. “Though I think it’s not about all those things – the first dates, and the trying to impress. That’s why Valentine’s is dumb.”

“Valentine’s is dumb?” Pacey pushed – beginning to prepare a couple more drinks.

“Yes. It’s dumb,” Doug said again. “One day of the year to tell someone how much you love them. To buy flowers, and chocolates, and some over-priced card. It’s the same as nights at the cinema and sunset walks. They’re great, and fun, and definitely welcomed. But if you can’t be happy just doing something mediocre – like staying home and ordering a pizza together – the rest is pointless.”

“I guess so,” Pacey nodded, wondering if Doug’s choice of words had been deliberate; his eyes moving to Jack – only then noticing his serious contemplation. “You disagree, Jack?”

“Huh?” the other man asked; broken from his thoughts.

“Doug’s analysis that Valentine’s is dumb?” Pacey asked.

“You know my feelings about valentine’s day,” he said simply – a smile breaking back on his lips as he turned back to Doug. “But you said, ‘you don’t think so’,” he continued, getting a questioning look from the other man. “You don’t know if you have serial killer tendencies or weird fetishes?”

Doug laughed, feeling himself grow more energised with each of Jack’s glances. “No, I’m pretty normal. Especially for a Witter.”

“Hey – don’t cast aspersions on the rest of us,” Pacey protested.

“You cast enough of your own,” Jack teased. “I know enough of your exes to know more about you than I care to. Not to mention what you accidently learn from living together in an apartment with paper-thin walls.”

“Slander,” Pacey laughed.

“Seriously, Pacey – it was enough to almost push another McPhee into therapy,” Jack joked.

“Right, so we’re that level of drunk,” Pacey smiled. “Good to know.”

“I have no idea what you mean,” Jack replied, leaning forward enough to watch what Pacey was pouring. “What’s next?”

“Passionfruit martini,” Pacey answered.

“Hmm… I’m going to reserve judgement on this one,” Jack replied, sounding less than sure.

“I thought they all had Valentine’s themed names?” Doug chimed in; inciting a nod from Jack.

“The sheriff makes a good point,” Jack agreed – his words unknowingly causing butterflies to erupt inside of Doug.

Pacey however noticed the intake of breath that was required for his brother to keep things in check; wondering how many deep intakes of breath he had missed or misinterpreted over the years – having come to the conclusion in recent months that most of what Doug showed the world was a mask for something else. That deep inside, he was as warm and soft as Pacey himself.

“And the sheriff is right,” he conceded. “This one is simply called ‘Passion’.”

“Passion?” Jack questioned. “That feels like a cop out.”

“Do you think you can come up with something better?”

“Absolutely,” Jack nodded adamantly.

“Go on then – let me have it.”

Jack thought for a moment, coming up with nothing – none of the Valentine’s puns in his head working.

“Exactly what I thought,” Pacey smiled.

“You asked if he could come up with something better,” Doug pointed out. “The answer was yes. There was no actual obligation to deliver. Just an expression of opinion.”

“Yeah – what he said,” Jack laughed, giving Doug a nod of approval.

“I guess not,” Pacey nodded – placing the drinks in front of his non-paying patrons. “Don’t you two make a good double act?”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“No way,” Doug laughed, drink in hand; eyes fixed on Jack – unsure how long ago it was that Pacey had last disappeared. The buzz of the alcohol helping him with the concern for Pacey’s motives.

“I’m serious,” Jack laughed – wondering how jokingly completing Pacey’s quiz had led to their current conversation. “We’d been on a few dates, but it had never come up. But the whole cab ride back to his place, I was getting the weirdest deja vu. When we pulled up on his street, I got a sinking feeling – you know – that deep dread feeling?”

“I know the one,” Doug nodded – his stool having moved a little closer to Jack’s again, a drink or two ago.

“I ignored it. Figured I was just being paranoid. There were plenty of buildings on that street. But when we walked up to his building…” Jack laughed – shaking his head. “I should have figured it out. But no – I pushed that dread down. It was only when we were stood outside his actual apartment that I had to accept that he lived with my ex.”

“No,” Doug laughed. “How did you not know?”

“I don’t know,” Jack laughed too – enough alcohol in his system to not feel the embarrassment. “I’d never met his roommate. I knew his name – but Sam is a common name, right?”

“Right,” Doug agreed. “So what did you do?”

“I left,” Jack shrugged, taking another sip of his drink. “What else could I do?”

“Did you ever see him again?”

“No. It was then that I decided to stop dating guys from college.”

“So Pacey was right – you prefer older men?” Doug asked – his eyes widening a little when he realised that the words that had been intended only for inside his head, had slipped out.

“I mean,” Jack shrugged – a slight blush on his cheeks. “I don’t know if it’s preference per se.”

“Sorry – that was personal,” Doug apologised – comforted by the immediate shake of Jack’s head.

“No, it’s fine. I guess most people have a type.”

“I guess,” Doug shrugged.

“So – what’s yours?”

“Excuse me?” Doug laughed – surprised by Jack’s directness.

“I mean – you didn’t seem impressed with my description of Sasha. What’s wrong – the veterinarian thing a non-starter for you? Do you hate animals?” Jack teased, realising that he knew very little about Doug’s preferences – knowing virtually nothing about his dating history.

“No – I don’t hate animals,” Doug laughed.

“You’re not a fan of smart and funny?”

“No, I definitely would include smart and funny in my type.”

“Okay,” Jack nodded; thinking things through. “I guess that just leaves blonde?”

“Does it?” Doug asked – again wondering why he wasn’t able to stop his words from slipping out.

“I don’t think I gave any other description,” Jack smiled innocently.

“I guess not,” Doug agreed – seeing that Jack was waiting for a response. “Um, no – I guess blonde wouldn’t be my usual type.”

“Okay,” Jack smiled, turning slightly on his stool. “Well, there’s plenty of brunettes here if that’s more you’re thing.”

“There are,” Doug agreed with Jack’s observation; his eyes fixed on Jack while the other man continued to look around the bar.

“I think I even spotted a cute redhead,” Jack persisted.

Doug simply forced a laugh; growing uncomfortable – unsure what to say.

“I think she’s over there; I can give her a wave?”

“No, please don’t,” Doug said quickly.

“Imagine how stoked she’d be if she went home Valentine’s night with your number?” Jack grinned; not understanding the subtext of Doug’s plea – feeling bad that he was spending a night when he could be meeting someone, instead sat at the bar with him. “Maybe then you don’t have to be bitter about Valentine’s like I am,” he laughed.

“Has Pacey put you up to this?” Doug asked – feeling a sudden sinking in his stomach as the words slipped out.

When Jack turned back on his stool and looked back at Doug, he was faced with a more serious expression – feeling a heat grow inside.

“No,” Jack said seriously – his mind fighting through the buzz of alcohol as he tried to figure out the look on Doug’s face and what he had done to cause it. “Why would Pacey have put me up to this?”

“I don’t know,” Doug said, a slight bitterness clear. “A joke maybe.”

“No,” Jack shook his head. “I’m sorry – I was just…”

“No – Jack,” Doug sighed; realising that Jack had been being completely genuine – now feeling like he needed to explain himself. “It’s just – Pacey. He’s not sixteen anymore, and he means well… But everything’s a joke to him.”

“I’m really sorry,” Jack said sincerely. “It wasn’t my intention to mock you.”

“It’s fine.”

“No,” Jack shook his head. “I don’t think it is. If I’ve crossed the line somehow…”

“You haven’t,” Doug cut in.

“Really?”

“Really,” Doug assured; forcing a smile – reaching out to touch Jack’s forearm, but stopping himself. “You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“Are you sure? Because I’ve got that same dread in the pit of my stomach like I’m about to walk into my ex’s apartment.”

Doug laughed; pleased when Jack smiled – their eyes holding the other man’s gaze for a moment before Jack’s face grew a little more serious.

“I just don’t want you to feel like you have to sit here and keep me company, when you actually have the potential to meet someone that would make Valentine’s suck a little less.”

“I’m not sat here out of pity, Jack,” Doug sighed – his gaze holding the younger man’s. “I have no interest in anyone over there.”

For a moment Jack looked back at him questioningly; glancing briefly over his shoulder at the restaurant of people, wondering if he was missing something – slowly turning back to Doug and looking at him more closely.

“You didn’t come here tonight to meet a woman,” Jack said, something in Doug’s eyes suddenly making sense. “Regardless of hair colour. Tonight or any night.”

Doug nodded; grateful that Jack’s words had come out as a statement rather than question – not needing to respond.

“Okay,” he nodded, one side of his mouth curling back into a smile – causing Doug’s stomach to flip.

“But Pacey doesn’t know that.”

“No,” Doug exhaled, shaking his head. “He doesn’t.”

“Right,” Jack nodded – trying to keep the smile from creeping back onto his face. “So, I guess you have just as little reason for being here tonight as I do,” he joked.

“Or just as much,” Doug shrugged – unsure where the words were coming from. “Depending on how you look at it, I guess.”

“True,” Jack laughed, a little nervously. “You really should have pushed for dinner too. I think drinks was just Pacey’s opening offer.”

Doug smiled; appreciating Jack’s attempts to play it cool.

“I’ll know for next time.”

“Next time I’m asking for dessert,” Jack stated – the air between them growing quiet for a moment. “I get it if you’d prefer to not be here anymore.”

“No, it’s fine,” Doug shook his head.

“Really?” Jack clarified. “Because if you want to get out of here…”

“I want to stay,” Doug replied earnestly.

“Okay,” Jack smiled. “And are you still happy to work our way through the rest of these cocktails? Because I have a suspicion that Pacey is making them up as he goes, and I’m enjoying keeping him on his toes.”

“Count me in,” Doug laughed. “As long as you’re not really craving being on the couch with a pizza?”

“I have a free day tomorrow – I can do that then,” Jack shrugged nonchalantly.

“I imagine that if you successfully make it to the end of Pacey’s cocktail list, it’s all you’re going to want to do tomorrow,” Doug suggested.

“True,” Jack nodded. “And yet, I can’t stop now – I need a greater alcohol buffer in place before I go and break the news to Sasha that you’re not going to be asking for her number.”

“I’m sure she’ll get over it,” Doug laughed.

“I don’t know,” Jack shrugged, finishing the remainder of his drink; his eyes founding Doug over the rim of his glass – muttering to himself. “I’m not sure I would.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

There had been a number of shared looks. Some that Doug could not quite believe were being sent his way from Jack, and others where Doug feared that maybe he had misunderstood everything. He had not intended to out himself to Jack – or to anyone for that matter. He had not meant for words to slip past his lips with less restraint than usual. He had not meant for Jack to understand them perfectly. But he had. At least Doug thought he had. But as their conversation had continued as though nothing had been said, Doug was beginning to wonder if maybe the number of drinks Jack had consumed had eradicated his ability to fully process and retain the most pivotal conversation of Doug’s adult life.

The more he thought about it, the more he figured that had to be the case – unable to fathom a world where his admission did not cause more of a reaction. And there Jack was, still sat alongside him, continuing to talk to him exactly as he had before. Nothing having changed. The earth was still spinning on its axis. The ground had not opened up beneath him, releasing the demons of his nightmares to inflict as much harm on his reality as they had for decades in his dreams. And then it occurred to him – Jack’s following of the status quo potentially spelt something worse for him. The fact that maybe Jack had understood him, and was fully capable of retaining every word spoken – but that there was nothing in the news Doug had shared that meant anything to him. Nothing that made him feel differently. Realising in that moment how badly he wanted Jack to feel something. To see him differently now. To see options that had not been there before.

Doug was so caught up in his thoughts that he was glad when Pacey had reappeared; grateful that he could pick up the slack on the conversation caused by his wandering mind – the restaurant having grown quieter as people began to leave.

“This is the final cocktail of the night,” Pacey remarked. “Then I am going to ask you to leave so I can tally up exactly how much damage the two of you have done to my financial stability.”

“You had better make it a good one then,” Jack said, climbing down off his stool. “The Love Potion is still winning.”

“The passionfruit one was good too,” Doug chipped in – getting a nod of agreement from the other man.

“I’ve definitely saved the best for last,” Pacey assured.

“I look forward to it,” Jack replied; beginning to walk away; not in much of a straight line – eyes fixed determinedly in the direction of the bathroom. “I’ll be right back.

Pacey pretended not to notice Doug’s eyes follow the other man until he disappeared from sight; instead focusing on the last drink preparation – having half expected both men to have given up on his planned evening by now.

“I know it’s late, and you probably just want to get home,” Pacey said. “But I may need you to make sure he makes it home alright.”

“Sure,” Doug nodded, not meaning to sound as deflated as he did.

“Jack has a habit of wandering a little when he’s been drinking,” he continued. “Who knows which one of his past Capeside homes he could end up at.”

Doug forced a laugh – unsure if it was warranted or not.

Pacey looked back at his brother, trying to gauge the cause of the change in his mood – sensing a more serious demeanor kicking in. Looking around the restaurant; seeing that no one was in earshot, and knowing it would not be long before Jack returned, he decided to take the opportunity to talk.

“Thanks for coming tonight, Doug,” he said sincerely. “It means a lot to me.”

“Sure thing, little brother,” Doug replied; his affectionate term proving Pacey’s theories about the impact Jack had on his brother – more used to hearing it in a more sarcastic context. “I’ve actually had a surprisingly good time.”

“Really?” Pacey smirked. “Even though Valentine’s is dumb?”

“I stand by that,” Doug said flatly.

Pacey nodded; refocusing on his task; adding less alcohol than he had been earlier in the night – glancing back to his brother a couple of times before speaking again.

“You know, considering today is also the anniversary of your high school party custody haul, it’s also the anniversary of you giving me some of the best advice, that not only you’ve ever given, but actually that I have ever received.”

“It is?” Doug asked, confused.

“It is,” Pacey nodded. “It was what you said to me that night that gave me the nerve to kiss Joey.”

“I’m responsible for that?” Doug asked sarcastically – instantly telling Pacey that he remembered more than he was letting on.

“I guess so,” Pacey continued. “If you hadn’t told me to go for it; to take a gamble – maybe I never would have told her how I felt. It’s weird,” he hummed. “It’s not like I was looking for permission from anyone, but something you said made me realise how stupid it was to not take that risk. So I guess, your words allowed me to give myself permission,” he explained – seeing Doug’s head dip a little as he nodded. “You were right – not many people have the power to make you feel that way. And if I hadn’t done anything, it would have been like you said – spending a life in my own personal prison,” he shrugged. “Life’s too short for that. Regardless of what anyone else had to say about it. No matter what anyone else thought. I don’t regret it.”

Doug coughed, clearing his throat – raising his head to be looking back at his brother. “That’s good,” he exhaled. “I’m glad.”

“And considering how much of an ass I’d been to you over the years… it was nice – that moment. Just us being truthful. Your advice was maybe more than I deserved, so it meant a lot to me.”

“We’ve both taken our turns at being an ass to each other.”

“Right,” Pacey nodded; smiling. “It never stopped me loving you though. You know that, right?”

“Sure, Pacey,” Doug conceded.

“I mean – hopefully the feeling’s mutual,” Pacey joked – breaking the serious tension.

“It was,” Doug nodded. “It is.”

“Good,” Pacey smiled cautiously. “And at the risk of ruining a good moment – just know that if you ever wanted to follow your own advice… it wouldn’t change anything for me.”

Doug looked back at his brother; unsure if the alcohol racing through his body was causing Pacey’s words to sound the way they did to him – unwilling to risk it by responding in a way he knew he could regret come morning.

Pacey was about to say something else; something that would encourage a response from his brother, but decided against it as Jack reappeared in the periphery of his vision.

“Saved by the bell,” he smiled – watching as Doug plastered a smile back on his face, that grew real when his eyes fell back on the approaching man.

“Did I miss anything?” Jack asked, picking up on the tension in the air.

“Just a walk down memory lane to a Valentine’s of years gone by,” Pacey replied.

“Do you always talk like that?” Jack asked. “Is it just that it’s more irritating when I’ve been drinking?”

“He’s always irritating,” Doug joined in.

“Maybe one more drink will help,” Pacey reasoned; placing two glasses on the bar in front of the men.

“What’s this one called?” Jack asked; picking it up and looking at it like he was admiring a piece of art hanging on the wall.

“This one?” Pacey smiled – eyes fixed on his brother. “This one is called ‘Butterflies’.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The air was colder than both men had been expecting; a wind whipping over the water as they walked along the sand – sky completely clear of clouds as stars twinkled overhead. Jack’s hands were stuffed deep into the pockets of his coat, a shiver running through him every time his eyes dipped to Doug’s hands, still fully exposed to the elements.

“Isn’t this the complete opposite direction to home for you?” Jack asked, having not said anything when they had made their way through town, or when Doug had hung around while he indulged in a slice of pizza; assuming that he was simply in no hurry to get home – having not expected him to remain by his side as he made his way onto the beach.

“Pretty much,” Doug nodded.

“It’s a cold night,” Jack continued. “You don’t have to…”

“I know,” Doug cut in – not wanting Jack to give him the chance to opt out of the decision he had already made.

Jack glanced to his side, eyes narrowing on the other man before groaning. “One time,” he said – causing Doug to look back at him questioningly. “One time – in college,” Jack continued. “Pacey told you I get lost when I’ve been drinking – didn’t he?”

“He may have mentioned a concern for where you’d end up tonight,” Doug laughed. “Are you saying he’s wrong?”

“Always,” Jack argued. “That’s my default.”

“Fair,” Doug hummed, continuing to walk.

“In my defense, I did not get lost finding home. I just got lost finding my way back inside the bar everyone was in. Everywhere in Boston looked the same.”

“I believe you,” Doug replied, still laughing.

“And I’m not so drunk right now that I don’t know how to get home,” Jack pointed out.

“Good to know,” Doug nodded; arm rubbing against Jack’s as they made their way over uneven terrain – looking back at him carefully.

“I don’t know if Pacey was worried about his profit margin, or if he could already picture the potential magnitude of tomorrow’s hangover, but those last few drinks tasted very weak,” Jack mused. “I don’t think they were much more than colourful juice.”

“Maybe,” Doug smiled, stealing a sideways glance – now questioning Jack’s intoxication given his observation. “So…how drunk would you say you are?”

“On a scale of one to ‘college drunk’?” Jack asked – also glancing sideways for a second. “Maybe a seven? A six after the pizza and now that the cold air has hit me.”

“Six,” Doug pondered. “Okay. And what exactly does that mean?”

Jack smiled, thinking he understood Doug’s question. “Six is – my inhibitions are low enough that I probably have, or will, say something stupid, but not drunk enough to go home and send text messages I’ll regret in the morning.”

“Right,” Doug laughed – seeing a cloud of his breath in the air.

“But I recall you drinking too,” Jack pointed out playfully. “Or do sheriffs not get drunk?”

“I don’t know – I think you started before me,” Doug reasoned.

“So,” Jack said, long and drawn out. “You’re drunk but not as drunk as me?”

“Maybe. But apparently still drunk enough to say stupid things,” Doug replied.

“Really – when?” Jack smirked. “Did I miss that part?”

Doug looked back at him questioningly; wondering if maybe that was the case – his conflict having sobered him up more than Jack.

“Did you stupidly tell Pacey that you’ll attend his next themed night?” Jack continued.

“Umm… no,” Doug shrugged. “At least I hope I didn’t.”

“Do you get forgetful when drinking?” Jack asked – tone becoming more playful.

“Do you?” Doug countered.

“No, not usually,” he replied. “Unless you want me to,” he smiled.

Doug looked back at him – a little stunned. “Why would I want you to forget?”

“I don’t know,” Jack shrugged, feeling the cold night air begin to sober him more. “Maybe that revelation earlier was meant for someone else…”

“Like who?”

“Well – not Sasha,” Jack laughed – pleased when Doug could not fight his own smile. “Pacey maybe?”

Doug nodded, understanding what the other man was saying – clearing his throat before speaking. “I don’t think it really concerns Pacey.”

“Right,” Jack said; his feet no longer capable of movement as his intoxicated brain tried to jump through the hoops of their contrived conversation. Feeling Doug’s body stop alongside him, Jack turned – a smile forming on his lips. “And it concerns me?”

“Well…” Doug hesitated – eyes narrowing on Jack as the same smile that had found its way into his head without relent, remained on Jack’s face. “I guess I would be more interested in your view on the matter than his.”

“Because you’re smart enough to know that Pacey’s view is likely to be shrouded in sarcasm and not-so-witty-quips?” Jack asked, attempting to feign an innocence that was beyond his sobriety level. “Or because after all the things you’ve learnt about me tonight, you think I have sound judgement?”

“Why do I get the feeling that you’re enjoying this?” Doug asked; unable to help the smile from growing on his own face – a lightness flowing through him that only came from being in close proximity to Jack.

“I really am,” Jack grinned. “Tonight has, rather unexpectedly, turned out to be a pretty good night.”

“It has?” Doug asked.

“Spending Valentine’s with pretty much the hottest guy in Capeside was already a good start,” Jack shrugged nonchalantly; an admission he had held in for a long time – the alcohol unlocking it.

Doug opened his mouth to speak; no words coming out – wondering what the expression was on his face when Jack laughed.

“Then finding out that maybe I had a shot…” Jack smirked. “Yeah – that’s a pretty good night.”

“Hang on…” Doug laughed. “Are you being serious?”

“Were you?” Jack countered. “When you alluded to a lack of interest in women?”

“Yes,” Doug answered, looking back at him.

“And I was right to infer that meant you are instead interested in men?” Jack asked – a grin still on his face.

“Well – yes,” Doug nodded, bemused.

“In particular – interested in me?” Jack asked – grin remaining.

“Umm…” Doug stammered – Jack’s smile weakening his resolve. “Also yes.”

“Right,” Jack nodded. “I hoped as much.”

“But you…” Doug trailed off. “You seemed so unfazed.”

“I’m sorry – did you want me to throw you a parade?” Jack teased – still faced with Doug’s questioning expression. “I figured, given Pacey doesn’t know, you probably didn’t want me making a big thing of it sat in his restaurant.”

“Right,” Doug nodded slowly – impressed and concerned in equal measure that Jack’s drunken sense was better than his own. “I just figured that maybe…

“Hey – even when drinking, I can be discreet. It doesn’t mean that inside I wasn’t praising Pacey and his stupid cocktails for finally getting some clarification on an often pondered question,” Jack continued; unable to halt his openness. “But when I gave you the opportunity to get out of there, and you didn’t take it…” Jack shrugged. “I thought maybe the cocktails were making me hear what I wanted.”

“That’s what that was?” Doug laughed.

“Yeah,” Jack laughed.

“You could have been a little clearer.”

“I figured a sheriff would understand the inference,” Jack shrugged. “I figured maybe I was wrong about having a shot and you were just in it for the drinks.”

“No,” Doug smiled. “Nor was I in it for any of the dinners at Pacey’s, or the dumb reasons I’ve made to come by the house.”

Jack gasped dramatically with faux shock – making Doug laugh again.

“I thought I was being too obvious.”

“No – you weren’t,” Jack exhaled; feeling his chest rise and fall a little more quickly – piecing together everything he had missed for months.

“What would have made things clearer?” Doug asked; aware than his body had edged closer to the other man – not recalling his brain giving authority for the movement.

Stepping forward, feeling Doug’s words like an invitation; a magnet pulling on his soul, drawing him closer, Jack stopped just short of Doug’s body – feeling the heat of him in the cold of the night. His eyes focused; adjusting to the miniscule distance between them – their breath in the air, now indistinguishable. Swallowing down any nagging hesitation; Jack leaned in a little further, feeling the tip of his nose move against Doug’s as his head tilted – moving forward a little more until their lips were only a breath apart.

Throwing caution to the wind; feeling Doug’s expectant draw of breath against his lips, he moved forward the tiniest bit more – feeling the smoothness of Doug’s lips against his own for the first time. At first it felt like sparks igniting inside of him; the rapid firing of synapses waking up to the reality of something that had been nothing more than fantasy for so long – nothing feeling like he imagined. Everything feeling better. Without conscious thought, Jack felt his body move even further forward; his body now pressed to the other man’s as his mouth moved in rhythm with the one Doug initiated, feeling the sudden burning of Doug’s hand against his cold cheek as Doug’s body also moved – trying to fill a space that was too small for the eye to see.

Doug was unaware of Jack’s hand finding his waist, or of the way his fingers twisted into the fabric of his coat until the other man had a fistful of his clothing. He was unaware of the wind that continued to move around them, or the sound of the waves crashing. He was only aware of the way Jack’s mouth felt pressed against his; the first time his lips had given into the temptation of another man – immediately hoping it would not be the last. And that of all the men in the world, it was Jack’s lips that he wanted to kiss again.

When Jack slowed before pulling back just enough to let the cold air back between their lips, Doug felt bereft – wishing he could travel back in time less than a minute, just to experience that again. He felt Jack’s nose against his own; his breath against his skin – sweet and addictive. The flutter of Jack’s eyelashes against him, sent chills through him; too distracted by that to foresee the kiss Jack pressed against his lips once more before pulling away – his hand falling from Jack’s cheek.

His hand still curled into the side of Doug’s coat; Jack exhaled loudly – shaking his head.

“What are the chances of you regretting that in the morning?” Jack asked softly.

“What are the chances of you remembering?” Doug countered – a gentle teasing evident in his tone.

“Oh, trust me – I’ll remember,” Jack exhaled.

“Good,” Doug smiled. “Because I won’t be regretting it.”

“Just so you know,” Jack added, eyebrows furrowed. “This has nothing to do with spending the night drinking.”

“It doesn’t?” Doug asked, unconvinced.

“Okay – let me rephrase,” Jack laughed. “Wanting to do that – as opposed to having the nerve to do it – has nothing to do with spending the night drinking.”

“Same,” Doug nodded.

“Right,” Jack smiled, growing a little bashful. “Well, um…”

“Yeah,” Doug exhaled, filling the gap Jack left open – unsure what to say.

“Yeah,” Jack repeated.

“Tomorrow?” Doug asked quickly – feeling everything slipping away. “Do you have plans?”

“No,” Jack replied – smiling. “None.”

“Good,” Doug nodded.

“Why – what did you have in mind?”

“I’m open to suggestions,” Doug shrugged; a smile still on his face. “As long as it includes more of this…”

This time, neither man needed to move far for their lips to once again meet – the intensity in which they found each other, already heightened. Taking full advantage of the alcohol still in his system, Jack’s lips parted enough to encourage Doug to seek entry; letting out an involuntary sigh as the other man obliged – allowing himself to get lost in the other man once again.

As Doug pulled back, he felt Jack’s gentle hum of protest against his lips.

“Tomorrow,” Doug said simply – exhaling.

“What’s wrong with tonight?” Jack joked.

“Nothing,” Doug replied simply – suddenly feeling overwhelmed. “But, umm….”

“Tomorrow then,” Jack nodded – understanding.

“Yeah,” Doug exhaled – desperately needing his brain to slow down. “Tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Jack nodded again. “Then, it’s probably best if we part here,” he reasoned. “You really don’t need to ensure I get home, and I feel like the conversation for the rest of the walk is going to be a little awkward now,” he joked.

“Okay,” Doug conceded; his breath fogging the air between them – causing Jack to focus on his lips. “Tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow,” Jack laughed – taking hold of the front of Doug’s coat and pulling him in for one last kiss. “I’ll see you then.”

“Okay,” Doug said again, not having anything else; watching as Jack started to walk away – leaving him in the sand.

His eyes remained fixed on Jack’s back as he walked further into the darkness, wondering how he was managing to keep walking without once looking back; able to imagine the smile on the other man’s face –knowing full well that Jack knew he was still where he left him. He took a few deep breaths; the cold air causing his lungs to ache – adrenaline pumping through him. Already knowing that if he went home, all he would be able to think about was the man still moving away from him – more so than usual. Knowing that the night he had just lived through deserved a better ending than being alone. That his life deserved a better ending than being alone. The night having left him with more excitement for that life than he had felt in years.

It was not a conscious decision for his feet to start moving. They started of their own accord. Picking up pace as they fell into the tracks in the sand made by Jack’s feet – knowing he had ground to make up. He was not sure at what point he broke into a run; the cold air making him breathless too quickly – his heart pounding hard as Jack’s image came more clearly into focus. The butterflies in his stomach helping to power him as he grew almost in reach.

Jack’s hands once again stuffed into his pockets; Doug reached for his arm, wordlessly pulling him towards him – seeing more of a smile than surprise on Jack’s face as he pulled him closer.

“What took so long?” Jack teased a moment before finding his mouth against the other man’s – Doug kissing him with more intent than before.

“Tomorrow is too far away,” Doug said simply – knowing Jack understood. “I’ve waited long enough.”
,
Jack grinned – nodding. “Tonight works for me.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jack could not really recall the rest of the walk home, and he was not too sure which one of them had let them into Pacey’s house – only having enough presence of mind to equate the darkness of the house to Pacey not yet being home. Though the couch seemed like a more balanced location; the chance of being interrupted was too high for Jack to consider – assuming Doug’s thoughts were working on a similar level when he did not resist Jack pulling him towards the stairs.

Falling through his door; mouths once again joined, the men moved in a dance; one moment leading, the next following – neither completely sure where they were until the softness of Jack’s bed was felt beneath them. The sound of Doug’s shoes being kicked off and then hitting the floor almost made Jack laugh; realising he should have known that the other man would be conscious of such things – quickly following suit as his hands began to push Doug’s coat from his body.

Feeling Jack’s intentions, Doug quickly shrugged off his coat; tossing it in the general direction of his shoes before assisting Jack to do the same with his own – hands desperate to find the skin he had dreamed of touching so many times. The men became a mess of limbs as Jack tried to raise up enough to remove his unnecessary clothing; hands colliding with Doug’s as he tried to assist – grateful for the sound of Doug’s laugh that echoed his. Coat removed; another item littering the floor, Jack fell back against the bed; pulling Doug back against his body – hand looping around the nape of his neck as their mouths began to move more quickly over the other. Feeling the eagerness of Doug’s body pressing down against his in a rhythm that was quickly driving him crazy, Jack’s hand pushed upwards into the other man’s hair – moaning against Doug’s mouth at the joint sensations of his movements and the rush of finally getting to know how his hair felt between his fingers.

Feeling his levels of intoxication start to rise; his overly cautious thoughts and concerns dipping back to the levels they had plummeted to while sat at Pacey’s bar, Doug’s hands moved to Jack’s shirt – fingers blindly releasing buttons as Jack’s tongue continued to do things that made it impossible to consider moving his mouth away. His body shifted a little, trying to find the most comfortable position, inadvertently causing a rush of pleasure to race through him; spilling out of him in the form of a moan against Jack’s mouth – for a moment feeling a little embarrassed until he realised that it had done nothing but spur Jack on.

His hands slipped beneath Jack’s shirt; fingers instantly feeling a spark of unfamiliarity – the firmness of Jack’s body beneath his touch feeling nothing like he had imagined. It felt so much better. Soft and warm; a ripple of muscle beneath his touch – chest rising and falling beneath his palm as he moved his hand higher. He moved his touch over him; his body like brail – each touch helping to form an image in his mind until the mental picture alone was not enough.

Tearing his mouth from Jack’s, Doug’s moved lower; head dipped against Jack’s chest as his mouth joined in his exploration – tongue moving over skin as he tasted him. Pushing himself lower on Jack’s body, Doug straddled his thighs, remaining bent forward as his mouth kissed a trail over Jack’s exposed skin – Jack’s hands managing to unfasten the remaining top buttons and push the fabric apart to give Doug better access. Jack’s chest rose and fell more rapidly, hand moving to Doug’s face; cupping the other man’s cheek the best he could – thumb stroking over him as he realised his efforts were not going to stop Doug’s mission.

Pushing his head back into the pillow; body unintentionally arching, Jack closed his eyes – hand moving back to Doug’s hair as he tried to keep his breathing in check. This was not how he had expected his night to go. It was not how he expected any night to go. Thinking that the scene playing out would only ever be something from a fantasy, and the occasional overly vivid dream that spilled over into a shameful shower. He never imagined it would ever come true. Never imagined that he would ever know the feel of Doug’s mouth against him. Never imagined the outpouring of such eagerness from the other man. That decades of repression would culminate in his body being the one that reaped the enactment of every wildest dream.

And yet a voice in the back of his brain that was fluctuating unhelpfully between intoxication and increasing sobriety, was reminding him that this was exactly what it was – the popped cork of suppression. Reminding himself that maybe for the first time, he was the more experienced partner. That for Doug, everything was probably very new. That for Doug, the prospects for the night did not necessarily match the pace of his enthusiasm. There was a voice in Jack’s head telling him that maybe they should stop. That maybe they needed to talk. That maybe they needed to make sure they were on the same page. But the other voice in Jack’s head – the much louder and more dominant one – told Jack to shut up and do nothing to ruin what the night may have in store.

Doug’s mouth continued to move; his hands covering areas that his lips could not reach – moving lower until his tongue moved over the slightly softer flesh of Jack’s lower abdomen. He paused, giving himself a second to inhale the other man; to really breathe him in – to fill his senses with another piece of the puzzle that was Jack. To compare it to what he had imagined during his lonely nights at home. Nights that were always so much harder having spent time in Pacey’s house and around the man now beneath his body. After nights of being sat around the table, listening to Jack talk, while trying to hide the way his eyes were drawn to the movement of his lips. Nights were the sound of Jack’s laugh had travelled home with him in his memories, and found its way into his dreams. Nights where he would sit next to him at the Icehouse bar, just as he had that night – the positioning of the stools giving him the perfect angle for his eyes to settle on the skin above Jack’s collar, and to watch the movement of his adam’s apple with deep fascination – to plan where, one day, he hoped his lips would travel.

In each of those dreams; in each of the daydreams that crossed the line into something far less pure – he had been ready. Each time his mind had wandered to Jack, each time he had found himself smiling at the thought of him, each time his body had reacted – he had been more than sure. Knowing what it was his body craved, and his mind fully on board. But now, his mouth hovering only a fraction above the top of Jack’s jeans, and the sound of Jack’s deepening breaths surrounding him – suddenly he was not quite so sure. His body still wanted the scenes from his fantasies, but his mind grew full of angst usually reserved for adolescents – not grown men. Not sheriffs.

Jack did not need to be able to see Doug’s face to know the subtext of his slowed movements; understanding – subconsciously pushing his hips downwards into the softness of the bed beneath him to try and gain a margin more space between his body and Doug’s as he grew more aware of his physical reaction to the other man’s touch. His mind whirled, fighting the remanence of alcohol fueled fog in his mind; trying to work out his next move – wondering if Doug wanted to stop or if he needed him to be the one to take charge.

Pushing himself into a more upright position, forcing Doug to do the same – remaining straddled over Jack’s legs – Jack leaned forward, his hand finding Doug’s face before he moved in closer. He pressed his forehead to the other man’s; the bridge of his nose meeting Doug’s – pausing like that for a moment before lifting his chin to change the angle enough to once again find his lips. He kept the kiss gentle. He kept it small. He kept it as nothing more than something he hoped Doug would interpret as reassurance that he understood; pulling his lips away slowly without his body pulling back – forehead once again against the other man’s. He closed his eyes, not needing to see Doug to know that his were closed too; a huge wave of relief flowing through him when Doug’s hand once again reached for his body – slipping inside his open shirt and finding the skin of Jack’s side.

“It’s okay,” Jack said softly – the inflection of his voice sounding more like the question he wondered, but subtle enough not to cause an obligation to respond.

Doug simply nodded; the movement felt more than seen by Jack – bridging the gap and kissing him just as softly as Jack had kissed him moments before.

“I’m okay,” he assured. “It’s just that…” he trailed off, unsure how to voice his thoughts. “It’s just you’re really…”

“Male?” Jack finished for him; laughing softly – glad when Doug did too.

“No,” Doug laughed; hand moving over Jack’s side. “Well – yes,” he conceded. “But that’s not what I was going to say.”

“No?” Jack asked – now even more curious.

“I was going to say – hot,” Doug admitted, laughing again. “I was going to say that you’re really hot.”

“Oh,” Jack smiled sheepishly. “Well, um…” he stuttered. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed – but so are you.”

Saying nothing else, Doug leaned forward; kissing Jack again – this time finding a little more of the heat that had been there before. Pushing back against Jack’s body, he was relieved when Jack succumbed; lowering back down against the bed – his body following. Realising that Jack was maintaining a caution that he both understood and appreciated, he began unbuttoning the buttons of his own shirt, managing to shrug it off completely and discard it on the floor – hoping that would be enough to let Jack know that he was not wanting to put a stop to anything.

Lowering back down, Jack’s skin pressed against his felt even better than it had beneath his fingertips; a low moan slipping past his lips against Jack’s – suddenly feeling Jack’s hand find his hips and grip him tightly.

“Is this too much?” Doug mumbled; unwilling to move his mouth completely from Jack’s.

“For me?” Jack asked – a slight chuckle clear. “Or for you?” he asked more seriously.

“I don’t know,” Doug replied; still kissing Jack – super aware of Jack’s hands still on his hips.

“You tell me,” Jack pushed back. “Does this feel too much?”

“No,” Doug replied after a moment’s thought.

“Okay,” Jack smiled; continuing to kiss him – his hands beginning to move until they were on Doug’s ass. “How about now?”

“No,” Doug shook his head – focused on the feel of Jack’s fingers pressing into him.

Jack nodded; lips brushing over Doug’s as he did so – their kiss having stalled as Doug’s focus was caught up in the movement of Jack’s hands. Taking a deep breath; looking up at the other man, Jack’s hand moved slowly back to where they had been resting before – still looking at Doug as one remained there while the other continued to move. Jack tried to keep his movements sure and decisive as his hand moved past the curve of Doug’s hip and a little lower – both hearing and feeling Doug’s intake of breath as his hand moved over the bulge in Doug’s pants.

“How about now? Still okay?” Jack asked again – his chest rising and falling as quickly as the man’s above him – feeling Doug’s nod. “Yeah?” he smiled.

“Definitely,” Doug returned – somehow managing to find words as Jack’s hand added a little more pressure.

“And this?” Jack asked; now needing his other hand – both hands working together to unfasten Doug’s pants.

“Yeah,” Doug exhaled; already anticipating Jack’s next move – feeling his hand seek entry. “And that,” he added approvingly.

“Good to know,” Jack grinned, once again pushing upwards to be sitting, utilizing Doug’s position over him; their chests pressed together as he sank his hand a little lower beneath both layers of fabric.

Doug’s hand immediately moved to the back of Jack’s head, pulling their mouths back together; the kiss growing a little rougher as he used every ounce of energy to resist bucking his hips. As Jack’s hand wrapped around him with a little more pressure; moving with a little more conviction, Doug’s moan grew lost in their joint mouths – his teeth grazing over Jack’s lips and enticing a sound of pleasure that seemed to come directly from is wildest dreams.

“Is this the line?” Jack asked; voice breathy – needing to be sure.

Doug could not help but let another moan escape – his mind now filled with previously distant and uncrossed lines coming into focus.

“It’s okay if it is,” Jack added, having not received a verbal response.

“It’s not,” Doug said quickly – suddenly scared that having come so far, he would freeze them on a line that felt completely arbitrary to call the end. “Keep going.”

“Okay,” Jack nodded; unable to stop his hips from pushing upwards against the other man.

Trying to work out his next move; taking a deep breath, Jack removed his hand from Doug’s pants, both returning to his hips as he encouraged movement – rolling them over until Doug’s back was against the mattress. He took a moment; propped up on his elbow at Doug’s side, looking back at him – pleased when Doug reached out and pulled him closer. Kissing him.

Taking the opportunity to shrug off his shirt, Jack quickly discarded it; refocusing his attention on Doug – reaching for his pants and pulling them down his legs so he could discard them too. He rested on his knees at Doug’s side, taking in the sight of him in nothing more than his underwear – able to take in his undressed form more clearly.

“Jeez,” he exhaled; smiling. “You really should have revealed your preferences long before now.”

Doug simply laughed, looking back at Jack with a wide eyed anticipation – trying to gauge his next move now that he had given him the green light to make one.

Moving a little closer to the other man, once again propped up on his elbow at his side, Jack’s mouth moved back to Doug’s; his hand tracing pattens over Doug’s skin as it moved lower – once again seeking entry to where it had been before. In a moment of decisiveness, Doug found the nerve to push the fabric further out of Jack’s way – not caring in that moment if it meant him being far more exposed than Jack was as long as it allowed Jack freedom to move over him unrestricted.

Pushing the fabric down as far as he could reach, Doug kicked his underwear the rest of the way down his legs until he was freed; aware of Jack’s gaze moving lower on his body – doing his best to hide the satisfaction he felt at the smile that grew on Jack’s lips.

“Seriously,” Jack sighed, leaning in and kissing him again. “Long before now.”

“Better late than never,” Doug forced out – Jack’s hand still moving over him.

“True,” Jack grinned – the headiness of intoxication having lessened greatly, but still there.

His mouth moved to Doug’s chest, tracing it’s way over his skin much like Doug’s had over him not long before. He shifted his body, moving lower over Doug until the movement required to replace his hand with his mouth was negligible – aware from the tensing of Doug’s stomach muscles that he had now raised up to be leaning on his forearms so he could watch each of Jack’s movements.

Repositioning so that he was nestled between Doug’s legs, Jack’s hand slowed and stopped as he continued to move his mouth over Doug’s skin, moving from his naval, down over the hollow of his hip and the crease of his thigh. Jack glanced back at him one last time before making that final move; instantly feeling the rise of Doug’s hips as his mouth took him in. Jack allowed his mouth to tease and please in the same way his hand had been; taking in a little more of Doug with each motion – the hum of Doug’s pleasure filling the room as his hand continued to stroke over his thigh.

Doug watched as an image straight from one of his most secret dreams played out before him; eyes fixed on Jack’s head as it rose and dipped on repeat over him – his moans growing increasingly loud and uncontrollable. He could not remember the last time he had been touched in that way; knowing without doubt that it had never felt that good – unsure if it was because Jack was a man, or just because Jack was Jack. His mind drifted back to Jack’s last words; for a second feeling frustrated with himself that he had kept a secret that had prevented this from being his reality for so long, but after a few more dips of Jack’s head, Doug no longer had the capacity for regret.

He no longer had the capacity for anything more than the pleasure Jack was causing. He could not be mad at himself for all of the lost years, or resentful for the years of watching everyone around him grow up and move on, only to feel like his self-discovery was forcing him back into a new wave of adolescence – as though he was waking up to the fact that everything about the first time around have been forced and made up. He did not have the capacity to be terrified of being significantly into his thirties and until that moment having no experiences to tell him how great things could be; scared that he had been left behind in a world that would expect a man of his age and profession to be more experienced – no capacity to feel overwhelmed that Jack did not make him feel like the worst things his own mind had the power to make him feel.

As much as he knew the subtext of Jack’s questioning, he liked that not one of them made him feel inferior – simply being questions that could be asked of anyone new being taken home for the first time. He liked that Jack asked. He liked that the look in Jack’s eyes was so clearly telling him that he was not fazed by any of it; believing that Jack was being honest when he said that he did not mind where the line was – knowing he would not cross it. So much so that Doug felt as though he did not want lines anymore. Not with Jack. Not tonight. Wanting to prove once and for all that the walls he had built around himself to keep the real version of himself in, that had been closing in on him more and more tightly over recent months, not only could be torn down, but had been.

Not for the first time, Doug wondered what his life would have been if it had taken the same path as Jack’s. He wondered how things would look with his family, and his career; wondering if people would still see him the same – wondering if he would see himself the same. Wondering if how he felt about himself would have been different if each image of past girlfriends and failed relationships could instead be replaced by memories of living something closer to his truth – if he could have spent fewer years loathing himself and those closest to him if only he had let someone close enough to really see him. To like him. To maybe even love him.

He felt a moan build from deep within him; head pushing back as it escaped past his lips – unsure if it was his imagination of the result of his moan that Jack seemed to be moving more determinedly over him. Gasping, Doug felt his body tense; the heels of his feet digging deeply into the mattress as his hips raised – Jack’s hands moving to grip him, poised to push them back down if needed. Doug’s mind went blank. Nothing more than Jack existed. All he could focus on was the feel of Jack’s hands burning into his skin, and the heat of Jack’s mouth bringing him closer and closer to something that had been eternally forbidden. Thoughts of living a life like Jack’s, to have had experiences like Jack – it was all gone – only leaving the desire to be with Jack.

Just thinking it; feeling part of the reality of that growing in intensity, Doug felt a pressure growing inside of him, unable to hold it back, feeling it grow until he could no longer contain it; a sound tumbling from his mouth that he had never heard before, as his body tensed and then released – taken over the edge by Jack’s persistence.

Doug collapsed back against the pillow; his breath and heart rate both faster than he had realised – enjoying the expanse of nothingness that was his brain as his body continued to ride the wave of orgasm. He closed his eyes; failing to focus on anything – trying to bring his breathing back into line as he felt a shift against the mattress next to him.

It was only then that he felt a wave of panic, realising that he had given Jack no indication of his building climax before it happened; his eyes shooting open and immediately seeing Jack settling next to him – a smile on his face that indicated he was reading Doug’s mind.

“Chill,” Jack smirked. “That was kind of my intention.”

Doug would have laughed if he could. He would have insisted to never be told to ‘chill’ again if it had come from anyone else but Jack. Instead he closed his eyes again – head sinking further into the softness.

“You okay?” Jack asked – hand trailing over Doug’s chest.

“Yeah,” Doug exhaled, turning onto his side next to Jack – growing more conscious of his complete lack of clothing.

“You’re not about to go into cardiac arrest or something?” Jack teased.

“No,” Doug laughed. “How old do you think I am?”

Jack smirked again, leaning in and pressing his lips to Doug’s. “I actually don’t know,” he said thoughtfully. “Though I’m realising tonight that I don’t know as much about you as I thought.”

“Only one thing,” Doug shrugged.

“A pretty big thing,” Jack countered.

“You know now.”

“True,” Jack nodded; smiling a little more broadly as Doug reached out and placed his hand on his ass – pulling him a little closer. “And how long exactly have you wanted to do that?”

“That?” Doug exhaled, long and slow – hands remaining on Jack’s body. “A long time.”

Jack laughed; shaking his head.

“Honestly, I just assumed you’d figure it out,” Doug said earnestly.

“I’ve been told on more than one occasion that I can be a little oblivious,” Jack laughed; recalling the number of times Pacey had told him so – suddenly getting the feeling that Pacey’s assertions were based on more than empty mocking. “I’ve liked too many straight guys in my past to claim to have working gaydar. I was worried that maybe Pacey’s adamance was throwing me off.”

“And you didn’t think to just ask me?” Doug posed.

“Actually…” Jack thought for a second before laughing. “No.”

“Of course not,” Doug laughed.

“I mean – you could have told me,” Jack grinned.

“I guess,” Doug conceded. “Based on how this evening has turned out, I kind of wish I had.”

“Because of what we just did?” Jack asked – his tone only half teasing.

“No,” Doug said sincerely. “Because…” he paused. “Because it feels good that you know. I’m glad that you know. Even without...”

“Right,” Jack nodded; eyes narrowing. “So why?”

“Why what?”

“Why tonight?” Jack asked.

“I don’t know,” Doug shrugged – able to see a little bit of disappointment on Jack’s face through the darkness of the room. “Because…” he tried again. “At some point, I stopped being able to convince myself that it was just a crush that would go away,” he admitted; immediately laughing – the Dutch courage having worn off, but still wanting to be honest.

“Not just a crush, huh?”

“I guess it started that way,” Doug admitted. “Which I’m realising, out loud, sounds very high school.”

“It does,” Jack said – voice sounding a little more serious than a moment before.

“But it’s not that anymore,” Doug exhaled; eyes holding Jack’s gaze as he looked back at him – the moonlight coming through the window, highlighting streaks of Jack’s face.

“No?”

“My feelings…” Doug trailed off. “The way I think about you…” he continued; shaking his head – realising that sounded wrong. “My feelings are not high school level feelings. You are not just someone I find incredibly attractive,” he explained – unintentionally emphasising the word ‘incredibly’. “In fact, the more I’ve thought about it; the more I’ve thought about you – which slightly embarrassingly, is a lot…” he continued. “I think you’re someone…” he trailed off again – unable to find words that did his feelings justice. “You give me butterflies,” he said boldly – seeing the twitch of Jack’s lips. “And that’s something I thought I’d left behind in high school. It’s something I didn’t realise adults experienced. Not until you came back to Capeside. And um… I don’t want to silence that feeling.”

Jack smiled, slightly taken aback by Doug’s earnestness. “I don’t want you to silence that feeling either.”

“And sure, this is all kind of new to me – but it’s also kind of not,” Doug continued. “Tonight may seem like a drunken whim, but I promise it’s more than that. As much as I hadn’t planned for tonight to go the way it has – I have been planning for this. Planning for the day I was brave enough to tell you how I felt – about everything. But particularly about you.”

Jack shifted, settling his head on the pillow next to Doug’s a little more securely; his eyes remaining fixed on the other man with a questioning look – just enough light coming through the window to see.

“So… This isn’t just a hook up for you?”

Even though Doug felt his stomach twist with the potential connotation of Jack’s question; realising that he may have been a little too open in his previous responses – Doug wanted to remain honest.

“No,” he answered. “Not for me.”

Jack nodded; the smile that formed on his face only just visible before he leaned in and found Doug’s mouth with his own – kissing him. Instead of pulling back, Jack’s hand moved to Doug’s face, resting against his cheek as the kiss deepened – his tongue once again moving over Doug’s as the other man pulled him closer until they were pressed together fully.

“Same,” Jack uttered; his mouth only parted from Doug’s long enough to speak the single word – immediately going back to kissing the man he could never see as just a random hook up.

If he had not been preoccupied with his current pursuit, Doug may have responded with some light teasing or sarcastic quip, but all he really cared about was the fact Jack felt the same. As their mouths continued to move, Doug’s hand began to travel Jack’s body; feeling like he had not explored it nearly enough – lifting up to stroke over the muscle of his arm, moving down his side, back over his hip and once again moving to his ass. His fingers added a little more pressure; dissatisfied by the feel of denim rather than skin – wanting to feel the part of Jack that had caught his attention far too frequently.

Jack could feel Doug’s hand move over him; noting the area of his body that he seemed most interested in; aware that his hand was raising to the waistband of his jeans but knowing it would be a challenge to dip his hand inside without assistance – acting in the interest of aiding both of their desires, and reaching down to unfasten his pants.

Within seconds Doug’s hand was inside; slipped down the back, flat against Jack’s ass – finally getting to feel the object of his most unwavering obsession. His palms stroked over the firm flesh; fingertips kneading into him firmly – wanting more.

“How long have you been checking out my ass?” Jack teased – feeling the mix of desire and satisfaction flowing through the other man.

Doug laughed against Jack’s lips. “I’m going to plead the fifth on that one.”

Jack laughed too – his hand rising to Doug’s hair as he leant back in. “Tell me.”

“Do you remember the day we were helping Pacey set up for the Icehouse summer party?” Doug asked.

Jack pulled back; eyebrows furrowed as he smirked. “That was the week I moved back to Capeside.”

“You were moving boxes, and tables,” Doug recalled. “And when you were hanging the decorations, stood on a chair, your T-shirt pulled upwards, and…” he laughed. “You looked good.”

“Fuck,” Jack groaned; again feeling incredibly turned on. “All this time.”

“Like I said – I figured you’d notice.”

“I don’t know how I didn’t,” Jack said, revealing a small amount of confusion. “I guess whenever I get that feeling like I’m being checked out, I assume it’s Pacey.”

Doug could not help but laugh.

“Fuck, I am oblivious,” Jack groaned again – his mind whirling. “Are you sure Pacey doesn’t know?”

Doug shook his head, sighing deeply. “Less sure tonight than I was before.”

“Are you okay with that?” Jack asked cautiously.

“Um,” Doug shrugged. “I think so. I guess I’m going to have to be – I imagine he’ll figure this out pretty quickly.”

“I think so,” Jack agreed.

“I’d really like to avoid him finding out that this happened tonight after all of his Valentine’s nonsense though,” Doug admitted. “I can handle whatever jokes he’s likely to throw my way – but I don’t want him to take any credit for this.”

“Agreed,” Jack nodded.

Doug’s thumb continued to stroke over Jack’s ass; the simple movement once again awakening his own body.

“I feel like either I’m very underdressed or you’re overdressed,” Doug pointed out; kissing Jack again.

“Which would you prefer to be true?” Jack teased.

“Well, I’d rather do something about the latter,” Doug smiled – pleased when Jack immediately began removing his jeans.

“If you want to see me naked, just say it,” Jack said playfully.

“Jack,” Doug smirked; wondering if Jack’s inhibitions were still lowered, or if maybe he was getting a glimpse of the more unguarded version of the man he had never really spent ‘relaxed’ time with. “I really want to see you naked.”

“Well, why didn’t you just say so?” Jack replied; kissing Doug once more before removing his underwear – leaving himself in the same level of undress as the other man. “Better?”

“Infinitely,” Doug nodded; once again pulling Jack against his body – feeling Jack’s arousal pressed against him as his hand made the most of the unrestricted access to his ass.

There had been a time in his life where Doug had imagined that what he was doing now would feel strange. There had been a time in his life where he had been convinced that it would feel wrong; that a part of him would be screaming from inside for him to stop – that the feel of another man’s body pressed against his would feel unnatural. But he knew now that he had been wrong. Nothing felt more natural to him than Jack’s body pressed against him. Nothing felt more natural than his hand tracing a masculine figure; to finally touch a body that he had admired for more than self-improvement reasons; to feel the early stages of stubble against his lips as he kissed a mouth that not long ago had coaxed him to the strongest climax that he could ever recall.

Every part of his body felt alive; every part of him wanting to make Jack feel the same way – feeling a deep satisfaction as Jack’s hums of pleasure vibrated against his mouth. Not wanting to be fazed by the magnitude of his next move; instead embracing something undiscovered that he hoped would quickly become second nature, he broke his hand away from Jack’s ass, following the silhouette of Jack’s body until he found his erection – now focusing on the feel of it in his hand.

He felt Jack’s reaction as much as he heard it, spurring him on to move his hand up and down his new discovery – wanting to make Jack feel the same euphoria he had felt. He pushed to the back of his mind the apprehension of his lack of experience; comforted by the way Jack was suddenly kissing him – the rocking of his hips aiding each one of Doug’s movements. Growing more turned on by Jack’s reaction, Doug’s hips began to rock in unison; shifting his position enough to allow for some friction against Jack’s body – rewarded instead by Jack moving onto his back and pulling Doug along with him.

Doug found himself in the position he had been early on in their exploration, only now there was nothing dividing them – nothing stopping each of their gentle thrusts from providing a more heightened pleasure. Jack’s head dipped, his mouth finding Doug’s shoulder; kissing and tasting as his arms gripped Doug tightly – breathing becoming heavy.

“Do you…” Jack mumbled into Doug’s shoulder; stopping himself after only a few words – causing Doug to pull back to try and find the rest of Jack’s words in his expression. “Do you want to…” Jack attempted again – feeling the weight of the question coming from Doug’s expression. He took a deep breath – eyes locked to Doug’s. “I have condoms.”

Doug stilled; looking down at Jack – lips parting but no words forming.

For a moment time seemed to stop. The air around them filled with static – the rise and fall of both of their chests growing more prominent. Doug continued to look down at him, swallowing hard – only one word filling his mind.

“Where?” he exhaled – watching as the surprise on Jack’s face turned into a smile.

Reaching out his arm towards the nightstand, Jack pointed. “Second drawer.”

Doug nodded, about to move from Jack’s body; stopping himself and kissing Jack once more before making the move – shifting to the edge of the bed and opening the drawer. His eyes narrowed, having grown used to the darkness of the room, but struggling to see what he needed – instead reaching inside in the hope of finding things by touch.

Realising the issue, Jack turned in the opposite direction, flicking the switch on the lamp – providing a soft and dim light that he only usually used when reading before bed.

The sudden illumination caused Doug to look back at him; a smile growing on his face as he took in a better view of Jack – the feelings it stirred up reminding him of the exact reason why he had opened the drawer. Returning his attention to his task, Doug quickly found what he was looking for.

“There’s also…” Jack started – stopping as he saw Doug find the tube of lube.

“Got it,” Doug nodded – having figured out what Jack was about to say.

“Okay,” Jack nodded; a sudden wave of nerves evident in his voice.

Doug returned to Jack’s body, placing his findings down next to him – realising in that instant that he did not really know the etiquette of what came next. He looked back at Jack; hoping that his understanding of each of his hesitations remained – hoping that he understood what he wanted.

Jack sat up a little, picking up the condom from the mattress; eyes meeting Doug’s before reaching it in his direction – eyebrows raising in encouragement for him to take it. Doug took a deep breath before doing as encouraged, eyes still on Jack as he tore the wrapper and removed the condom. Picking the tube up from the bed, Jack opened the cap, squeezing a little onto his fingertips, dropping the tube back down before rubbing his fingers together; hoping to warm the gel before leaning back against a pillow that he had propped up a little higher, relaxing down and angling his hips, aware that Doug’s eyes were once again on him as he reached down between his legs, finding the muscle he wished to prepare – taking a deep breath before working a finger inside.

Doug watched silently, taking some mental note of what was happening; grateful that Jack understood his inexperience but already determined that next time, it would be his hand, and his fingers that would ensure Jack’s comfort. Feeling an even stronger wave of desire wash over him, Doug quickly finished applying the condom – reaching for the tube that Jack had discarded and applying some himself.

Satisfied that he had done enough, Jack repositioned himself back how he had been, hand reaching for Doug when he saw he was ready; encouraging him back on top of his body – the other man doing so gladly.

“I’ve never…” Doug started.

“I know,” Jack smiled softly – lifting up enough to find his lips. “It’s okay.”

Jack shifted beneath Doug’s body; his knees parting a little more until Doug fit perfectly into position – closing his eyes briefly as he angled his hips until he felt Doug exactly where he needed to be.

“Kiss me,” Jack requested; hand once again moving to the nape of Doug’s neck as he brought him down to meet his lips – instigating a kiss with the gentle pace that he hoped Doug’s body would mirror.

Jack lifted his hips a little, immediately feeling the pressure of Doug against him; encouraging Doug to take the lead in the further movements – fixing his mouth to Doug’s more adamantly as he felt him begin to do so. As Doug inched his way inside, Jack felt his chest jerk – mouth pulling from the other man’s as his sudden intake of breath through his clenched teeth sounded out like a hiss.

“Did I…” Doug said, suddenly concerned. “Are you okay?”

Jack nodded steadfastly; trying to regulate his breath – fingers weaving into Doug’s hair in the hope he took it as comfort that he was fine as he tried to find words.

“I’m good,” Jack finally nodded. “It’s good. Keep going.”

Not wanting to seek assurances that Jack had already given, Doug did as requested; continuing to move as slowly and smoothly as he could – the heat wrapping around him feeling like nothing he could have imagined. He began to slowly rock his hips, needing some kind of movement, feeling a rush of joy when a deep and needy moan slipped past Jack’s lips.

Jack nodded again, this time a little more adamantly; his back arching a little, causing his head to push back into the pillow – another moan slipping past his lips as Doug did as requested.

With nowhere else to go; completely enveloped by the other man, Doug dipped his head to Jack’s shoulder, breathing through the sensations that felt overwhelming – comforted by the feel of Jack’s fingers combing softly through his hair.

“Are you okay?” Jack asked – understanding the magnitude of what was taking place for Doug.

Doug hummed against his shoulder; unable to stop the rocking of his hips – Jack’s words, and scent, and heat of his body surrounding him in the most incredible way until he could no longer resist. Raising his head to be looking Jack in the eye, Doug simply nodded – a slow smile forming on both faces.

“So much more than okay,” Doug finally answered; mouth finding Jack’s again as he began to move more deliberately – unable to hold back his own sounds of pleasure.

Finding a rhythm, the two men moved together; Jack’s hands gripping Doug’s shoulders as the other man rested on his forearms either side of him. Each stroke caused more moans to spill out; Jack’s back arching more with each internal manipulation, knowing that Doug had no idea of the pleasure he was inflicting on him; sure to make it clear in each of his gasps and moans – Doug’s name slipping past his lips so effortlessly.

Doug felt his breath catch; the sound of his name ringing through him, wrapped in the beauty of Jack’s voice. It was just his name. Something said to him every day of his life – only it suddenly sounded so different. In Jack’s voice, it was a plea. It was worship. It was everything he had dreamed of. It was pure and complete acceptance of the truth of who he was. It was everything he had spent years fearful that he would never receive, as a result choosing to remain hidden rather than risk rejection – the plan beginning to crumble the second Jack returned to Capeside.

Growing in confidence, Doug’s thrusts grew a little faster and stronger, spurred on by each of Jack’s cries that countered his own – the volume of the room growing considerably louder with each stroke. Managing to reposition one of his arms, Doug took hold of Jack’s hip; holding him firmly as he continued to move – his own head pushing back and back arching as his pleasure continued to rise.

He had imagined how it would feel. He had thought about it more than he was happy to admit. He had watched movies alone in the privacy of his apartment – feeling like a teenager feeling their way through taboo subjects with less than adequate study materials. And all his studies could tell him was the type of thing that turned him on; the certain look of the men he felt most attracted to. He learned logistical things, but rarely anything practical – never anything that gave him any insight or prepared him for how it would feel. Never having anticipated the way Jack’s body would make him feel like he was on fire. Never having appreciated how it would feel so different to everything he had experienced before – how Jack would make him feel whole in a way he was unsure he had ever felt before.

Raising a leg, Jack wrapped it around Doug; using it to increase the pressure of each of his thrusts; his own body returning each movement – their bodies colliding over and over in a beautiful agony as they both chased something that was building within each of them. Mouths once again joined; the kiss desperate and interrupted with wave after wave of moans, Jack’s hands continued to move over Doug’s skin, fingertips clawing into him as they roamed – Doug’s hand gripping Jack’s hip tightly enough to cause an ache that Jack yearned for more of.

“Oh god!” Jack moaned loudly, a stream of encouragement and praise spilling from him – loving it when Doug returned his adoration with some of his own.

Doug lifted from Jack’s body; finding an angle that felt incredible, feeling his muscles tense as the pressure once again built – fighting through it in the determination to make Jack once again call out his name. His hand ran over the thigh of Jack’s leg wrapped around him; travelling upwards to Jack’s ass – moving with a heightened ferocity until he felt the man beneath him tighten around him in a way he had not thought possible.

“Fuck – Doug!” Jack cried out, his head pushing back against the pillow; his fingers curling into the sheets at his side as he felt his body begin to free fall – Doug’s new angle perfectly allowing for heightened pleasure.

The mix of cry and moan that slipped past Jack’s lips as his body spiraled into climax, sent a rush through Doug’s body – feeling heat spill from Jack as his body began to spasm around him. He knew he could not possibly go on. He knew that the sound of Jack’s pleasure alone was enough to instigate his orgasm – only managing a couple more thrusts before he too was crying out in pleasure as he came inside of the other man.

His heart pounding in his chest; Doug fought for breath, his hazy vision taking in the equally sharp movements of Jack’s chest – noting how Jack’s arm was raised; forearm falling across his forehead as he too tried to find his breath. He exhaled, long and slow, trying to steady himself – eyes moving down Jack’s body to the sticky and messy conclusion to their efforts that he was experiencing for the first time.

As Jack’s arm moved and his eyes opened again, Doug leaned down; kissing him softly – instigating another small wave of moans between them as his position changed. Looking back at the other man, Doug felt a smile form on his lips; seeing the relief on Jack’s face as he did so – unable to do anything other than kiss him again.

“You okay?” Jack asked; hand moving over his cheek.

“Yes,” Doug nodded; lips once again finding Jack’s. “Definitely.”

Jack smiled again; closing his eyes as he swallowed deeply. “That was…”

“Incredible,” Doug exhaled – watching as Jack’s eyes reopened as his smile grew.

“Yeah?”

Doug simply nodded – forehead lowering to Jack’s. “Really incredible.”

“And you’re sure you’re not going to regret it?” Jack asked – his teasing growing more evident as he grinned.

“I promise not to regret it, if you promise not to forget it,” Doug countered – feeling the effects of Jack’s laugh through his own body.

“I promise,” Jack assured, kissing Doug again. “I’m definitely sober now.”

“Me too,” Doug agreed.

“And yet, I’m definitely feeling on a bit of a high right now,” Jack added; seeing the mirroring of his feelings in Doug’s expression.

Doug kissed Jack again; allowing his lips to linger – continuing to kiss the other man instead of pulling away.

“I think I may have changed my mind about Valentine’s day,” Doug uttered against Jack’s lips.

“Yeah,” Jack grinned. “Me too.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jack was woken by banging on his door. Eyes still closed, he tried to ignore it – pulling the sheets up a little higher as though they would magically block out the noise. His brain felt foggy; not having slept enough yet to deal with the only person that it could be knocking on his door obnoxiously early. Shifting a little, he pressed his cheek against a cool patch of pillow; sinking down a little lower – relieved that the knocking had ceased.

“Jackers!” Pacey called – causing him to groan. “I know you’re in there!”

“Go away, Pacey,” Jack replied; voice thick with both sleep and irritation – the calling substantially worse than the knocking.

“Oh good, you’re alive!” Pacey persisted – words followed by a chuckle that incited another groan. “I was a little worried by the silence coming from your room.”

“I was sleeping, Pacey,” Jack replied; tone sounding as unimpressed as he felt.

“Sleeping – past tense?”

“Until thirty seconds ago,” Jack said – wondering why Pacey was persisting.

“But not anymore?”

“Pacey!” Jack groaned; pulling his pillow over his head.

“Is that a yes?”

“Why are you even awake?”

“I’m on a high from last night. It went perfectly – don’t you think?”

“Could we talk about this later?” Jack pleaded.

“Do you not think it was a great night?” Pacey persisted through the closed door. “You had fun, right?”

“Pacey, please,” Jack begged. “Go away!”

The sound of Pacey’s laugh from the other side of the door managed fill his ears – regardless of the pillow.

“Okay, okay – I’ll take the hint,” he called – smirk clear in his voice.

“Thank god,” Jack mumbled.

“I was just bringing you some coffee. I figured you’d need it after last night’s cocktails.”

“I need sleep,” Jack returned.

“Shall I just leave it out here for you?” Pacey asked – this time getting no response at all. “Okay – I’m leaving it outside your door.”

Jack could vaguely make out the muffled sounds of Pacey placing something on the ground before then making his way back downstairs. He squeezed his eyes closed a little more tightly; willing himself to go back to sleep – groaning loudly when he realised it was not going to happen. Lifting the pillow from his head, he raised up enough to put it back down; turning onto his back and slumping back down – looking up at the ceiling.

“Today may be the day that I finally snap and kill your brother,” he groaned; a smile slowly forming on his face as he felt Doug’s body shift closer to his and wrap an arm over his middle.

“You’ve done well to last this long,” Doug replied – his voice sounding as though he had already been awake before Pacey’s commotion.

Rolling onto his side, Jack smiled back at the man in his bed – Doug’s arm looping around his middle a little more firmly, pulling him closer.

“Morning,” he greeted – tone far softer than he had used when responding to Pacey.

“Morning,” Doug replied softly; leaning forward and finding Jack’s mouth – kissing him good morning. “Is it okay that I’m still here?” Doug asked, having not had a chance to clarify Jack’s feelings before finding himself in the depths of sleep.

“You mean, rather than me waking up to find you’d made an escape in the dead of night?” Jack smirked.

“Should I take that early morning sarcasm as a yes?” Doug smiled.

“Yes,” Jack nodded. “But you know, we’ve missed the window of opportunity for you to sneak out without Pacey seeing you,” he said cautiously – unsure how Doug was going to feel. “We’ll have to wait until he leaves for work.”

“So we just have to hide out in here until he leaves?” Doug asked, a playful grin forming on his face as his hand slipped lower on Jack’s body. “I think I can live with that.”

Jack tried to suppress his laugh; knowing that there was no point hiding out if Pacey heard him. Leaning in, he kissed the other man, feeling Doug’s hands on him again – taken a little by surprise when Doug rolled onto his back and pulled Jack on top of him. Their kiss became mixed with shock and amusement as Jack settled into the position of Doug’s choosing – Doug’s actions revealing the reason behind his preference as his hands moved to Jack’s ass.

“You really weren’t joking, were you?” Jack teased; nose pressed against Doug’s before kissing him again.

“About this?” Doug asked, giving his ass a squeeze. “Absolutely not.”

“Should I take it therefore that you stand by your ‘no regrets’ stance too?” Jack asked; lifting slightly to see Doug’s face more clearly.

“I stand by it wholeheartedly,” Doug nodded – watching Jack try and resist smiling more broadly.

“Even in relation to ‘who’ you spent last night with?” Jack queried – suddenly realising his question needed more clarification. “And I’m not talking about gender.”

Doug raised his eyebrows. “Do I regret last night having been specifically with you?” he asked, already shaking his head. “Jack, you are the number one reason why I have no regrets.”

“Even though you’ve woken up in your brother’s house?” Jack continued.

“Ah,” Doug sighed. “You mean your questionable choice in friends?”

“I mean, the fact that everything about me – friendships and living arrangements – makes this much more difficult for you to hide,” Jack explained.

“That’s true,” Doug conceded. “But maybe hiding this from Pacey isn’t something I’m wanting to do.”

“Just like that?” Jack asked, sounding unconvinced.

“Like I said last night, Jack – this isn’t ‘just like that’. This isn’t a whim, or experimenting – and as much as I’ve hidden it before, it’s not been because I’m ashamed. It hasn’t been for a long time. It’s just been about privacy. Not wanting to give Pacey the satisfaction of knowing he was right. About wanting to take steps in my own time, and to have the answers to the questions that Pacey is undoubtedly going to ask, before he has the chance to ask them.”

“And you feel like you have them?” Jack asked.

Doug nodded; hand moving over the back of Jack’s neck as he raised up and kissed him. “I think I do.”

“Well…” Jack uttered – pausing for a moment. “Okay then.”

“Okay then,” Doug repeated with a smile.

“I guess you really meant everything you said last night.”

“You sound surprised,” Doug questioned.

“Well, you wouldn’t be the first person to lie when in bed with someone,” Jack replied, rolling his eyes.

Doug laughed; remembering all the little reasons why he had become more and more drawn to Jack overtime – including the way everything seemed like a surprise to him.

“I meant everything I said,” he assured. “And from the fact you didn’t wake up shocked to find me here, you meant it when you said you’d remember,” he teased.

“I think a panicked reaction to finding you in bed next to me definitely would have raised Pacey’s suspicions.”

“I hate to say it…” Doug trailed off. “But I think Pacey knows.”

“What?” Jack asked. “No way.”

“Maybe not that I’m here right now, but definitely that something happened.”

“How could he possibly know that?” Jack asked.

“Because I think he’s seen this coming for a while,” Doug explained, aiding Jack as he shifted from his body to be resting back at his side.

“How could he have seen it coming?” Jack asked. “I didn’t see it coming.”

Doug could not help but laugh. “I don’t know if that statement holds as much weight as you think it does.”

“Hey – don’t you start on me too. You’re no better.”

“Maybe,” Doug conceded. “But I think I’m right about this one.”

“I guess we’ll never know for sure,” Jack shrugged, pushing the sheets back as he climbed out of bed – feeling Doug’s eyes moving over his body as he stood in only his underwear.

“Where are you going?” Doug asked; remaining where he was.

“I need coffee, and if there really is a cup on the other side of this door, I want it,” he said simply – moving to the door and listening carefully to make sure there was nothing but silence coming from the other side before opening it a crack.

He looked down at the ground where he was hoping to find the cup of coffee Pacey had promised – immediately groaning.

“No coffee?” Doug asked – looking over at Jack.

“Worse,” Jack sighed, looking back at him – seeing his questioning look.

“Worse?” Doug asked, now sitting up. “How?”

Not saying another word, Jack bent down and picked up what Pacey had left outside his door – standing back up and turning towards Doug with two cups in his hands. Doug’s eyes moved to the contents of his hands before moving back to Jack’s face – his eyes wide as he realised his suspicions had been more correct than he had wanted to believe.

Using his foot, Jack pushed his door closed; not even attempting to try and keep the noise to a minimum. Looking down at the coffee in his hands he laughed despite himself.

“I’m assuming Pacey knows how you take your coffee,” he groaned, moving back to the bed and sitting on the edge as he handed Doug his cup.

“I think this might be confirmation of my hunch,” Doug said, taking a sip.

“Do you have a feeling that we’ve been played?”

“I don’t know,” Doug smiled, having had the same thoughts during the night after Jack had fallen asleep and he lay next to him, wondering how his life had been massively altered. “But if that’s the case, I’m willing to let this one go. As long as Pacey’s not expecting thanks.”

“I think it’s probably pretty safe to assume he is,” Jack replied; his voice lowering as he heard the sound of Pacey’s footsteps on the stairs outside of his room – looking back at Doug as they both remained still.

“Oh good!” Pacey called; his tone overly cheerful. “You’ve got the coffee,” he said – voice close on the other side of the door. “I forgot to leave this for you,” he added – an envelope slipping under the door a moment later.

Jack looked at Doug questioningly; both of them remaining silent – Doug shrugging in response. Realising he would never know unless he got up and looked; getting no other explanation from the other side of the door, Jack quietly stood from the bed and picked up the envelope.

Placing his coffee down carefully on the nightstand, Jack opened it, pulling out a slip of paper with the Icehouse logo in the corner. His eyes scanned the paper before looking at Doug, feeling confused.

“It’s a dinner voucher?” Jack whispered, answering Doug’s questioning look but still none the wiser.

“It’s what?” Doug whispered back; it suddenly dawning on him – eyes widening.

“Congratulations,” Pacey sounded again from the other side of the door. “Of all of the quizzes completed last night – you scored the most compatible,” he continued; both men inside of the room able to picture the grin on his face purely from his tone – remembering how they had left their quizzes abandoned on the bar. “Just let me know when you want to cash in your free dinner.”

Unsure whether or not to keep up the farce, or to give into confirming the correctness of Pacey’s assumption, both men held each other’s gaze – incapable of making a decision before Pacey spoke again.

“Anyway, I don’t have long before I have to head back to the Icehouse,” Pacey informed. “No rest for the wicked. But I have time for a quick breakfast if you want to come down and join me?”

Jack rolled his eyes, deciding to dig his heels in – but breaking his silence. “Honestly, Pacey – I’d rather starve.”

“Fair enough,” Pacey laughed. “I figured as much.”

Doug sat back against the headboard; pillows propped up behind him as he drank his coffee – surprised by the level of amusement racing through him.

“How about you, Doug?” Pacey asked – grin audibly turning into a smirk. “You hungry?”

Jack’s eyes widened again; looking back at Doug – surprised to see him looking so relaxed. As a smile grew on his face, Jack’s eyes widened further; shaking his head – trying to stop what he knew was coming.

“I’m fine with just coffee,” Doug called back – barely able to hold back his laugh when Jack dropped himself dramatically down against the mattress.

“I bet you are,” Pacey laughed from the other side of the door. “In which case I’m going to jump in the shower and head off – leave you two to whatever plans you have this morning,” he added. “oh – and happy Valentine’s!”

The two men listened as Pacey made his way over the hall and into the bathroom – the sound of the door closing causing Jack’s voice to return.

“Do you have any idea what you’ve just done?” he asked – the smile on his face diluting the stern tone of his voice.

“I do,” Doug nodded, leaning down and kissing Jack. “And I still have no regrets.”

The end.

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