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"Kim Dokja. Let’s date."
It was just a simple jest, a funny prank. Yoo Joonghyuk thought it was fun considering how Kim Dokja has been much of a pain in the arse he is. He did not expect Kim Dokja to accept his proposal with a shaking reply and a blushing mess.
And for a second, Yoo Joonghyuk thinks he can mess Kim Dokja up.
The first thing he did when it was all said and done was take Kim Dokja back to his shabby home. Yoo Joonghyuk held his hand the whole way; he could still feel the warm palm in his hand.
After he made sure Kim Dokja was back home, He decided to buy Yoo Mia ice cream for dinner.
The next day, he told his somewhat closer group of friends that he was trying to make Kim Dokja believe he was dating Yoo Joonghyuk.
They laugh it off, thinking it's much of a harmless prank; they were pretty sure Kim Dokja would learn about the prank anyway. Lee Seolhwa reminded him not to do it, but Yoo Joonghyuk did not care.
Through out the days, Kim Dokja would always receive lunch boxes from Yoo Joonghyuk. When the bell rings for the day to end, Yoo Joonghyuk would, without a doubt, be beside Kim Dokja. He would take Kim Dokja on a quick date every day. He reminded Kim Dokja to go to sleep early, eat his meals on time,and would occasionally let Kim Dokja stay at his place. He acted like he was so in love with Kim Dokja that it was easy to be fooled. And Kim Dokja was a fool. He blindly followed Yoo Joonghyuk's whims. So when the exams came rolling in,Kim Dokja lost focus and ended up losing his scholarship.
Kim Dokja fears He does not have any money to pay for his school fees. He's walking on thin ice at home. The man in his home took all of their money for his stupid alcohol. If he knew about the scholarship,
Kim Dokja would be dead. He needs to find a way.
Kim Dokja took a deep breath. Maybe Yoo Joonghyuk can help him. He is considerate and a kind boyfriend; maybe he could help Kim Dokja.
As he was about to return to the classroom, he heard jitters and laughter in the supposed
closed room. He would've left, but he heard Yoo Joonghyuk's voice among them.
"Kim Dokja is an idiot for even dating me."
"Who would've thought it would lower his grades!"
"Do you even love him, Yoo Joonghyuk?"
"Me? I have never loved him, even for a second.
It's his fault for believing me anyway, I only wanted him to fall of his high horse."
Then followed more laughter and jokes.Kim Dokja stood there like an idiot.
Kim Dokja is a fool. He is a fool for loving Yoo Joonghyuk. and it cost him his whole life.
He wished he had never fallen in love with a bastard like him.
When the bell rang, Yoo Joonghyuk, like always, was on Kim Dokja's side.
"I'll walk you home." He spoke as if his lips had not uttered a single lie. Kim Dokja smiles, he always does because he is a fool who believes what liars say.
"Let's take the long way home! I want to spend a few more minutes with you." He said, his hands trembling under his pockets.
They blathered on about random things on the way home, laughing like real lovers, yet it was just for show.
"Joonghyukkie, I like you." Kim Dokja said it out of the blue. Yoo Joonghyuk was taken aback by the sudden confession, and yet he smiled and replied.
"I like you too, Dokja-yah."
Kim Dokja stopped walking, placing his trembling hands on his mouth.
"Ah, really. You should try acting. I really believed all of your bullshit."
"Kim Dokja?" You Joonghyuk faced Kim Dokja, his face was latched with worry.
Kim Dokja stared at Yoo Joonghyuk, his lips trembling, his eyes holding unshed tears, and his face looking so hurt.
"Have you had your fun? Was destroying my life fun for you?"
"What are you saying?"
"Hah. I know about the prank you played with your friends. I heard all of it."
"D-Dokja, please, I can explain-"
"How was the revenge?" Are you satisfied now?
Kim Dokja's tears fell; Yoo Joonghyuk was so scared, he tried to hold his hands but was slapped.
"Everything was a lie to you then?"
Flashbacks to their tiny little dates, how Kim Dokja always smiled at Yoo Joonghyuk How he always reassured Yoo Joonghyuk when he felt down; when Yoo Joonghyuk was having a silly little nightmare, how Kim Dokja whispered soft lullabies for Yoo Joonghyuk alone.
"Did you ever love me?"
Yoo Joonghyuk had indeed fallen in love harder than he anticipated. He liked how Kim Dokja
would clench his fist whenever he saw tomatoes, how his eyes shined when he talked about his novels, or how he swayed whenever he liked a song. Yoo Joonghyuk loves Kim Dokja.
He had lied to his friends because he didn't want to be an idiot who fell in love with Kim Dokja.
"I love you; please let me explain plea-"
"Let's end this." Kim Dokja cut off Yoo Joonghyuk.
"Clearly, this is not a big deal to you, but it is for me." Kim Dokja tried to wipe his tears, but they ended up falling.
"I'm sorry, Dokja. Please let's talk, okay? Please? Please give me a chance to explain"
"Let's just end things and act like this never happened."
It's over.
Yoo Joonghyuk wasn't sure how he returned home after that. He remembered Kim Dokja walking back home, and he had to stand there watching him leave.
He tried to recall how it ended. He really did. He knew it was all his fault. Kim Dokja clearly liked him, and he just used that to ruin Kim Dokja. It was all his fault.
His phone rang, and he quickly took hold of it, thinking it was Kim Dokja. But it wasn't.
It was Seolhwa.
Yoo Joonghyuk threw away his phone, but it still ended up calling.
After three more missed calls, Yoo Joonghyuk decided to answer it.
"What."
"You are a bastard." Lee Solhwa started the call.
"What do you want?"
"Did you even know how much you ruined Kim Dokja's life?"
"What do you mean?"
"Idiot, a fucking idiot. He was on scholarship, but after the stunt you pulled, his grades weren't up to par! He would have to pay for his tuition! His life at home was already a mess, and you ruined his chance of getting his life together, you imbecile!"
Yoo Joonghyuk hitched
"You better fix the mess you made. I told you to never touch Kim Dokja, and look what you did"
Lee Seolhwa ended the call
Kim Dokja did not appear at school the next day. Yoo Joonghyuk tried to call him, but it never reached him.
He did not appear at school for almost a week.
By this point, Yoo Joonghyuk was restless. He wanted to apologize and amend the mistakes he made.
When Kim Dokja finally went back to school, he was covered with bruises and black marks all over his body. His cheeks were covered with bandages, as were his cheeks.
"Kim Dokja, what happened?" Yoo Joonghyuk whispered that he was afraid it would hurt him more.
Kim Dokja only looked at him with such expressionless eyes. He stood up and left Yoo Joonghyuk.
And for days he was always spotted with bruises after bruises. Yoo Joonghyuk was
worried sick, he tried to ask Kim Dokja, but lately he never acknowledged Yoo Joonghyuk's presence.
It was only after a month that he heard what really happened to Kim Dokja.
Yoo Joonghyuk felt even more guilty.
His father knew about the failed scholarship; he was beaten every day for being a useless son. And it's all Yoo Joonghyuk's fault.
Yoo Joonghyuk wanted to punch his past self.
He had ruined Kim Dokja's life. Only because he never liked Kim Dokja's constant high praises and rewards from school.
A mere jealousy And it had ruined everything for Kim Dokja.
Yoo Joonghyuk knew he had to fix this, even if Kim Dokja wouldn't accept his apology, he had to at least make things right for Kim Dokja. When Yoo Joonghyuk finally had the guts to make things right, Kim Dokja vanished.
It was abrupt, their homeroom teacher told them that Kim Dokja would not be joining the class because of some personal issues. Yoo Joonghyuk begged the teachers to tell him what was wrong, but they would not tell him anything at all.
Yoo Joonghyuk decided to just flat out visit Kim Dokja's house, but when he arrived there, there was caution tape around it.
"The poor kid had to endure such beatings from his father every day. Poor child. He was so sweet he didn't deserve such things happening to him."
"He would always greet me in the morning with such a big smile, despite the bruises he got."
"It's unfortunate that it happened to such a sweet child."
"They said the kid wouldn't be able to make it alive. The police did not arrive on time."
"The father finally went to jail, but the kid was barely breathing when the medics arrived. I shall pray for dear Dokja. He does not deserve this at all."
Yoo Joonghyuk regretted it all the time.
He can't fix it now. He had ruined his beloved's life, and it was all his fault.
Yoo Joonghyuk does not know how to ask for forgiveness. He doesn’t know who he should ask them for when the person he wanted to accept his sincere apology was no longer reachable.
How can he forgive himself if Kim Dokja could not even forgive him?
Guilt has never been something Yoo Joonghyuk has had before. Why would he? He was not given a silver platter for nothing, and when it was all said and done, guilt will always follow him to the grave, Always.
Ten years have passed, and he still gets nightmares about it.
It has been ten years, and Kim Dokja’s face still haunts him every night, reminding him that everything was all his fault. He hasn’t had a proper rest since he heard the neighbors talk about Kim Dokja’s possible death.
Ten years later, he still blames himself for ruining Kim Dokja’s life.
In instances where he does sleep, he dreams where he and Kim Dokja had a happy life where he would still take Kim Dokja on dates and give him flowers every single day that they had to dry the flowers to keep them because Kim Dokja is like that. Yoo Joonghyuk would dream of a life that would never be his, and sometimes he would wake up crying.
Oh, how he wished he was able to sleep for forever; such dreams are too beautiful to be real.
But he could not bear to leave the world without apologizing to Kim Dokja. It’s his retribution.
"Mr. Yoo, Please don’t forget about the ball hosted by the Nyx Corporation," his secretary reminded him.
Yoo Joonghyuk sighed deeply and hummed in affirmation.
The party started, and people were talking, trying to find rumors as to why the notorious corporation had decided to host a party after being in the industry for so long. They had a hold on almost all the businesses, not just in South Korea but in France and the US as well.
Everyone was chatting as to what Hades and Persephone were hiding.
Yoo Joonghyuk stared at his reflection in the mirror, noticing the darker circles around his eyes, and reminded himself to visit the doctor once again as his sleeping pill doesn’t work anymore.
When Yoo Joonghyuk finally went back to the hall, there was commotion around.
"Lady Persephone looks good as always!"
"Hades really did drop the grandest party."
"Did you see the other person beside them? He looks so pretty. Is it their child?"
" A heir?"
"Wasn't there a rumor before that Persephone could not conceive?"
"When you think about it, they just went silent for over ten years."
"Maybe they had a child before."
"I don’t care; the young man beside them looks so pretty! Do you think he’s still available?"
Yoo Joonghyuk frowned, It’s too noisy.
"Joonghyuk, my boy, there you are!" Sun Wukong exclaimed when he saw Yoo Joonghyuk looking as intimidating as he was.
"Good evening," he said, greeting the man. Sun Wukong laughed, patting Yoo Joonghyuk’s back a bit harder.
"Now that you are here, I’ll introduce you to Hades!"
Sun Wukong dragged Yoo Joonghyuk toward the special people for today's party. As he got closer, he saw a man talking to Persephone; all the while, Hades was picking foods for the young man to eat.
They look like a close family, Yoo Joonghyuk mused. He could not, however, see the young man's face, which warranted Yoo Joonghyuk’s curiosity.
"Good evening, Night of the Underworld, and My Lady, Queen of the Darkest Spring," Sun Wukong greeted, shook hands with Hades, and kissed Persephone's hand. Earning a giggle from the esteemed woman.
"You jest, Wukong. Please call me Hades. It hasn’t been that long since we had a short tea party." Hades chuckles.
Sun Wukong laughs.
"Congratulations on the party you held! It’s literally the grandest one yet. It might take a while for someone to actually outdo such a party."
"It’s no matter. "After all, we want the best for our son."
"Ah, you did mention that he would be staying here now."
"Persephone nodded. She patted the young man beside him. The man turned around to look at them.
Yoo Joonghyuk had a lot of scenarios in mind when he finally met Kim Dokja.
He had imagined them meeting at a library where Kim Dokja was trying to look for a new book he wanted to read because that’s how Kim Dokja was; he loves to read all the time.
Yoo Joonghyuk would try to hold his hands gently and apologize for what he had done and that he was always, always looking for Kim Dokja.
Yoo Joonghyuk had dreamt of meeting Kim Dokja for a while now. But this was not the one he had imagined it to be.
"Hello, I am Kim Dokja. It’s nice to finally meet you, Sun Wukong-ssi." Kim Dokja smiled.
Yoo Joonghyuk almost cried when he saw him smile, he had forgotten Kim Dokja’s smile as he does not deserve it at all.
"And you must be?" Kim Dokja asked, tilting his head as he stared at Yoo Joonghyuk, there was no anger, no hatred, and no confusion there was not a surprise written on his face—just a seamless wonder of who he might be.
Kim Dokja forgot about Yoo Joonghyuk. And it hurts.
Yoo Joonghyuk could not form any words; he felt his throat tighten and his vision almost swayed.
This must be his retribution. What a funny thing to do, God!
Sun Wukong must have introduced him to them, because the next thing he knew,
He was shaking hands with Hades and Persephone. His hands were trembling when his hands touched Kim Dokja’s before he let go of his hold.
Yoo Joonghyuk should be glad Kim Dokja was still alive. He had searched for him after that day, looking for any news about him.
He almost went insane looking for Kim Dokja, but there was nothing; some speculated he died.
Yoo Joonghyuk should be glad because he can now ask Kim Dokja for forgiveness, but he could not do it.
Not when Kim Dokja forgot about him.
Not when Kim Dokja looks at him like a stranger.
Not when Yoo Joonghyuk still loves Kim Dokja after all this time.
Yoo Joonghyuk wanted to ask a lot of things. How are you? Where were you after everything? Did it hurt? I could not find you, no matter how hard I tried to look for you. I tried my best to pay for my sins. I could not forget about you. I’m so sorry. Kim Dokja Please look at me, please.
"You should hate me." Yoo Joonghyuk blurted instead when he and Kim Dokja were finally left alone.
"Why?" Kim Dokja asked, twirling the glass of red wine before placing it on his lips.
Because I ruined your life? Because after all this time, there was never a second where I didn't love you? Because I still want to be a part of your life even though I don’t deserve it.
Yoo Joonghyuk has a lot to say, but he can only bite his lips. Because Yoo Joonghyuk is a coward, he could not say any of those things.
"You know, Sir Yoo. You looked like you knew me. Do you know me?"
Kim Dokja asked, still wearing that damned smile that looked so charming on him.
"I–"
Kim Dokja chuckles.
"It does not matter; I could not remember what happened to me ten years ago. I deemed that past me dead."
Yoo Joonghyuk clenched his fist,
"My stepmother, Persephone, told me I was in a bad place ten years ago. I could not remember much, but I was sure I had been crying and screaming a lot in my dreams." Kim Dokja continued, staring at the now empty glasses in his hands.
Yoo Joonghyuk could only stare at Kim Dokja as he told him these things.
"So if you’re here to make me remember such a horrid past, you should stop. I have no intentions of looking back now. It has nothing to do with me anymore. Whatever we had in the past, forget it. It’s not something I want to know anymore." His eyes stared at Yoo Joonghyuk with no familiarity before he smiled and walked back to where his parents were talking.
Yoo Joonghyuk can only stand there, recalling the memories that he holds dear.
of their sweet whispers, secret kisses, and shared moments.
But it did not matter; Kim Dokja chose to forget all of it.
That night, Yoo Joonghyuk drank a lot to forget everything, but it still did not lessen the pain in his heart.
Yoo Joonghyuk woke up with a heavy headache and a heavier heartache. It did not occur to him that he was not at his house.
He checked his phone and noticed a lot of missed calls and texts from his secretary as well as from Sun Wukong; some were from Yoo Mia as well.
He sent a quick good morning to Yoo Mia, gave an update to his secretary, and decided to call Sun Wukong.
"Joonghyuk!"
"Hello, Sorry. I just woke up and saw your missed calls. Is something the matter?"
"Oh, no, no, I was just checking up on you. You had a lot of drinks last night, and you were crying so hard. I'll bet you forget about that. " Sun Wukong snickered.
"Fuck." He whispered under his breath.
"You’ve been saying Maknae’s name all the time and clinging to him, saying you’re sorry. It was so funny."
"Maknae?"
"Oh! It’s Kim Dokja. We were talking a lot then. You came and talked so funny."
Yoo Joonghyuk wants to bury himself in a hole.
Sun Wukong laughed, then proceeded,
"He said he didn’t mind, but I’ll send you his location in case you want to man up and apologize."
Yoo Joonghyuk could only rub his face in frustration before saying thanks and hanging up. Then his phone beeped, an indication that Sun Wukong had given him the location.
Yoo Joonghyuk honestly doesn't know what to do. Kim Dokja had told him what they had; what Yoo Joonghyuk had done was nothing but a ripped chapter in his life, and he has nothing to do with it.
When Yoo Joonghyuk had finally deemed himself presentable for meeting Kim Dokja, he quickly grabbed his keys and went to a cafe where Kim Dokja would be for most of the day.
When he spotted Kim Dokja taking a seat at the window, Yoo Joonghyuk took a shaky breath and went inside. He walked with his eyes never leaving Kim Dokja.
When Kim Dokja noticed a shadow looming beside him, he closed the book he was reading and looked at the person. His eyes widening and smiling,
"Joonghyuk-ssi, Good day. I did not expect to see you here at all."
Yoo Joonghyuk nodded in greeting. Kim Dokja motioned for Yoo Joonghyuk to sit in the empty seat in front of him.
"How do you fare?" He asked when Yoo Joonghyuk finally took a seat.
"I wanted to apologize for my behavior yesterday."
Kim Dokja giggled.
"It’s no matter. It was a bit entertaining to see you like that. You must have a lot of hardships, Joonghyuk-ssi."
Yoo Joonghyuk coughed, and his ears twinged with red.
"Is there anything I can do to repay your kindness? I’m sure dragging me to the hotel was tiring." Yoo Joonghyuk asked; his hands were sweating under the table.
"OH! It was no problem! My fiancé helped me put you in the hotel. He was grumbling the whole way back because you were clinging and saying sorry, and I love you to me." Kim Dokja shook his head at the memory.
Yoo Joonghyuk felt like cold water splashed onto him.
"Fiance?" His voice cracked as he saw how Kim Dokja’s eyes sparkled and his smile bloomed just from talking about his fiance.
"Yes! You were probably drinking a lot, but the reason I even had the guts to return to South Korea was to announce my engagement to my fiancée. We met in France when I was trying to be better. I hated him, of course, but somehow he wormed his way into my heart, and we’ve been together since. It's been almost 10 years since then." Kim Dokja giggled, reminiscing about his life with his fiancée.
Yoo Joonghyuk could feel his heart break once again. He was an idiot for thinking he could still have a chance with him.
It’s been ten years too long.
Yoo Joonghyuk swallowed his breath and attempted to smile and look happy for Kim Dokja.
"I wish you guys all the best."
"Thank you!" Kim Dokja exclaimed.
"That.. May I know the name of your fiancé?" He couldn't help but ask.
"It—" "Sung Jinwoo. It’s nice to meet you again, Yoo Joonghyuk." A voice from behind Yoo Joonghyuk cut Kim Dokja off.
"Jinwoo!" He greeted Kim Dokja, and his eyes looked like the stars had finally aligned.
Kim Dokja is so happy.
"Hello, my dear reader. I missed you." Jinwoo said, placing a sweet kiss on Kim Dokja’s forehead.
Kim Dokja giggled.
Yoo Joonghyuk felt at a loss. It looked like Kim Dokja was moving on with his life; he was so happy and carefree. All the while, Yoo Joonghyuk was stuck in the past, continuously reliving the past that he had completely ruined.
Yoo Joonghyuk stood up, nodding at Jinwoo as a greeting. He smiled gently at Kim Dokja and said,
"I should be going now. I only wanted to apologize for everything."
Kim Dokja looked worried but nodded nonetheless.
"I’ll see you around, Joonghyuk-ssi!"
"Kim Dokja, I—" I’ll still love you even after more than a decade—a century — forever.
"‘I’ll see you around." He nodded and left.
Kim Dokja is happy; that's all that matters. Even if it’s not with him.
This is his retribution.