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He thought they were special.
They. Not just he himself, like he used to think. They. There was more power in two, and now it was painfully clear just how strong the two of them could be together, as clear as how much they needed each other.
It all just seemed to mean a lot more to Sasuke than to Naruto.
They should have been special together.
Both of them had been marked. Sasuke carried it with honor, his greatest loss was his greatest victory, his arm was no more and it would forever haunt him with the memory of Naruto. It was his everyday reminder of him that was visible to all. When they offered in Konoha to make him a new one, the answer was short: No. Never in a million years would he give up now. He would carry this useless thing until it became the end of him and he would tell himself every time it haunted him that it was all because of Naruto.
As he left the village, the last thing that came to say goodbye to him was Naruto. Sasuke was more than delighted to see that as he carried his mark with honor, Naruto seemed to do the same for him. An eternal reminder of their battle, right there. As Sasuke was missing the left hand and Naruto was missing his right hand, they could have completed each other. He could be his left side just as Sasuke could be Naruto’s right.
They could have been special.
Three years flew by and as the one letter arrived, Sasuke had his world turn around. It was just a small invitation, huge for the ones who send it but apparently it was supposed to be harmless. But for him it was not nearly as harmless as it was meant to be. It was the moment when he could feel his body shaking with betrayal, anger and sorrow. It was the moment when he destroyed the nearest thing and sat down next to it, still shaking, feeling like he was about to vomit. It was the moment when the stump that was left of his hand burned with phantom pain as his chakra flew around his body.
“Will you be the best man?” Was the simple question that destroyed him.
But they were supposed to be special?
He declined with another simple: “No.” In following weeks he received tons of messages back from Naruto, begging him to come to the village and make his special day special. The answer was always the same, that familiar simple no. There was a time Sasuke had though out a long reply, explaining why he didn’t want anything to do with this “special day”, that he wanted nothing to do with Naruto and his future wife and their child-to-be, but as he knew he couldn’t break off his ties with Naruto. The letter was never send, just as Sasuke never arrived to the wedding. He heard it was beautiful, he heard it from his biggest mistake. The one night of anger and long line of mistakes that resulted in a horrible accident. She told him that the wedding was beautiful, and that she would one day want one of her own, with Sasuke.
Sadly, Sasuke wasn’t the only one who was feeling ill the next following days.
He didn’t know about his accident until he received a message from Karin. He had a baby now. A girl. Something to raise, something that would tie him forever with the woman he had hardly learn how to respect. Everyone else was happy for him, expected that he would now return to village and start a family, to make this life special.
But he didn’t return.
Because they were supposed to be special.
Now Naruto had a wife, a son, another life that didn’t have Sasuke in it. But worse than that, now Naruto had a right hand, a fake one. He was completely disconnected from Sasuke. There was nowhere to go from it, and Sasuke felt lost, betrayed, all left alone, by the guy who had fought for him, by the person he cared most about, by the same person who was ready give up his own life just to have Sasuke there with him. Gone. Gone to the point where they could not rebuilt what they were supposed to have. Gone to the point they could not redo it all in this life.
They were no longer special.
Neither of them. They didn’t matter anymore. There was no “them”. Everything that mattered was the next generation. They didn’t change the world, they didn’t take their opportunity to do so, they didn’t make this life to be what it was supposed to be. Everyday Sasuke woke up empty, without his other half and pretended to be happy for everyone else, pretended to support them.
He and Naruto met from time to time. Every time Naruto looked feebler, weaker, more tired and older as the years went on, but every time they met his blue eyes were light up with that old familiar sparkle. The smile that saved the world was trying to build itself up from under those years and each time the lightest glimmer of hope was again ignited inside Sasuke. He remembered the guy who chased after him, who hit him for being an idiot, who didn’t everything under his power to get Sasuke to come back with him. The person Naruto used to be.
How he used to be special.
“Naruto. I love you”, were the words he had kept inside him this whole time. As he was just about to leave once again, he finally said them and felt his chest to become a bit less heavy. There. It was done. Those blue eyes were light up again, and a faint laugher could be heard.
“Ha! I love you too, man!” Was the answer, the words Sasuke was expecting but not the ones he wanted to hear. Not like this, not as a joke. He wanted them to mean something, like they meant for him.
“No. You do not”, he said, as he took his leave. Not like Sasuke loved Naruto. He didn’t see the response on Naruto’s face, but he could feel the air becoming a bit more confused. The words didn’t go to his small Uzumaki-brain of his, like they never did. If Naruto would have been wiser, they wouldn’t have wasted years with women they were not meant to be. But neither one of them was wise when it came to this, so Sasuke left again. He took comfort with knowing, that at least now Naruto would know of how he had felt. He should have known from the start, Naruto said that he did. But clearly, it was all a lie, just like everything else about these past years.
Naruto. You are not special.
“SASUKE!”
It was the voice that made him to stop in the middle of the road. People turned to look at them while walking by, being as curious as they always were. Sasuke stayed right in that one spot, waiting. His name was still ringing in his ears as he could hear the fast approaching footsteps that followed him. He fought the urge to turn around and scream “NARUTO” as they used to do.
“Don’t you dare to leave me like that!” The owner of that painfully familiar voice yells as he catches up. Sasuke feels fingers curling up violently to his wrist, but he tries to slam the hand away. Naruto doesn’t give up, he takes the wrist anyway and pulls Sasuke so he can see his face. Sasuke forgets to put up an emotion to his face as he is captivated by those furious blue eyes that lock his gaze. He doesn’t say a word, even as he knows that he should. He should talk his way out of that situation, but he does not. He just stares back.
“But I do”, he gets told, “I do love you. I though you knew it, did you not? I thought you didn’t care.”
Liar, he thinks as he looks down to see the fake arm that is holding him still.
“Liar”, he says as he takes a step back, breaking off from Naruto’s grip. He takes one last look of loathing at the man he loves. Naruto wouldn’t touch him with that fake arm if he truly would care. He wouldn’t have that arm in the first place if he cared, but there it is. A reminder of the men they were supposed to be.
“We shall not meet again”, Sasuke says as he turns his back and disappears from the village to where Naruto cannot follow. If he would have stayed, he would have heard Naruto to cry his name in misery, but he didn’t stay. He just dealt with his own pain, locking it away as he had always done. If there would have been another level of Sharingan to unlock, this pain would have opened it.
Without Naruto, even he wasn’t special.