Chapter Text
“You don’t have to look so intently at the camera, Ludwig.”
Ludwig hadn’t even realised where he’d been looking. A subconscious thing. Like when you’re pretty sure you saw a spider scuttling across the floor, so you keep staring at that spot in the floor when you’re doing something. Like that primal side of your mind takes over, and is looking out for the spider even while you’re thinking about something else yourself.
Anyway, he was not looking at the camera. He was looking at the cameraman, keeping an eye on him. The way he’d been biting his lip and licking his lips the whole time was putting Ludwig on edge. But maybe he was on edge anyway because this was his first time doing this in front of a camera, in front of this many people.
Someone had once told Ludwig he could be a porn-star with the way he looked. Looking back, it may have been a strange comment for an adult man to make to a sixteen-year-old, but, nonetheless, Ludwig didn’t forget it, and, when he turned eighteen, he sought out a company near him to sell his body to whenever he was home from college, sending applications all around New Hampshire, Massachusetts and Maine.
To his delight, three accepted him, and he took the one closest to him – Boston. They called him over for an audition that would be filmed, because, as the person contacting him said, ‘Our viewers enjoy seeing our actors’ first time being filmed’.
His first day on set (he wasn’t sure, yet, if you could really call it a set) painted him in an awful light. He showed up almost an hour late, puffing and panting after sprinting up the stairs to the apartment where it would be filmed. He hadn’t even caught his breath before he was profusely apologising to the first guy he saw – a tall, lanky guy with black hair.
Thankfully, the guy just laughed, and assured him, “Don’t worry. You’re only a few minutes later than him.” He jerked his thumb at a guy frowning down at his camera.
The man he’d just met had introduced himself and the other two guys, but Ludwig had been so preoccupied with the fact that he was late and how embarrassing that was that he wasn’t listening. Then, when he realised he’d just missed the names of the only people in this room, he worried about that a little, but he didn’t have time before the black-haired guy was gesturing him to the bed.
In the centre of the room, the bed was neat and tidy and done up, but in the corners and the edges of the room that the camera wouldn’t capture, there were cardboard boxes, beer and packets of crisps. This particular ‘company’ didn’t seem to be very professional. Especially, considering the way Ludwig was pretty sure the guys he was with weren’t much older than him. Then again, it made this a little less awkward for him. Or maybe it made it more awkward that they were closer to his age. He didn’t quite know yet.
Ludwig took a seat on the end of the bed, and watched the three men talk amongst themselves as they set up. He tried to catch a name or two as they spoken, but he was in no such luck.
The lanky man he’d met earlier seemed to be the director as he perched himself on a cheap wooden chair beside the cameraman.
“Ready?” He asked.
Ludwig tried to speak through the lump of anxiety in his throat, but nothing came out, so he just nodded.
The director glanced to the cameraman, and, when the cameraman gave him an ‘okay’ gesture with his hand, he spoke to Ludwig, “Tell me a little about yourself. Your name, your age, what you’re doing.”
“My name’s Ludwig,” he said. Now that he’d found his voice, he felt a little more confident. “I turned eighteen in July, and I’m starting college this autumn.”
“Where are you going to college?” The director prompted.
“Arizona.”
“That’s pretty far from here,” he said.
“Well, I was thinking I could – you know – film with you guys whenever I’m back home during holidays,” Ludwig explained. “If that’s okay.”
“I can’t really say no, can I?” The director said. “I can’t say no to a pretty face like you.”
Ludwig just smiled.
“Why do you want to be a porn actor?”
Ludwig shrugged. “Someone once said I’d be good at it, and I wanted to see if they were right.”
“We’ll see if they’re right,” the man agreed.
He asked another question, but Ludwig glanced to the cameraman, and was immediately distracted by the way he was biting his lip. It gave him chills that he couldn’t quite figure out. He presumed they were bad chills, because, well, why would a straight dude get good chills about another guy?
“You look like the nerves are getting to you,” the director said, snapping Ludwig’s attention back to him. “Take your shirt off. That might help you relax.”
Ludwig didn’t see why that would, but he complied regardless, and set his top down beside him on the bed.
“You’ve got a nice body,” the director said. “Looks as soft as a kitten’s fur. Do you shave or wax?”
Ludwig looked down his body. “I just don’t grow much hair on my chest.”
“That’s cute. You’ve got love handles too. Very feminine.”
Ludwig frowned.
“Don’t look so upset. I’m complimenting you.”
“I don’t know how much of a compliment it is to call a man feminine,” he argued.
“Okay.” The director leaned back, and folded his arms. “Then, show me how much of a man you are.”
Ludwig understood the implicit instruction. With his hands on the button of his jeans, he was feeling more and more confident. Maybe, he was built to be a porn-star, gaining confidence the more clothing he removed.
He slid off his trousers, and said, “What next?”
“Not much of a man with a limp dick, are you?”
Ludwig wrapped a hand around himself. Just his own touch was waking up his dick pretty quickly. He found that he didn’t have to forget about the camera. He didn’t have to ignore the eyes watching him. It fuelled him on to think about it, to show off for them, and the people watching from the website.
“Nice. Let me see it,” the director ordered.
Ludwig let go of his cock, and braced his hands behind him, leaning back. He looked boldly at the director. Then, to the camera. Then, to the cameraman, who made his confidence waver a little, made goosebumps rise on his arms.
“Spread your legs a bit. Show it off.”
Ludwig did as he was told, letting his mouth pull into a smirk.
“You’re very confident in yourself, aren’t you? I like that a lot.”
Ludwig shrugged coyly.
“Keep jerking yourself off,” the director said. “I’m sure our viewers would love to see you spill.”
Ludwig did as he was told, and the director continued asking him questions. About his tastes in women, about his kinks, if there was anything he wanted to do on set. But the more questions he was asked, the more distracted Ludwig grew. His mind was occupied by the feeling of the cameraman’s eyes on him with his bottom lip between his teeth.
Was he intimidated? No, this guy was way smaller than him. Did he recognise him from somewhere? He didn’t think so. He decided to settle on the idea that maybe he just found the cameraman a little creepy.
“Would you ever consider doing gay porn?” The director asked at some point while Ludwig was stroking himself.
It took Ludwig aback for a few moments after he’d been eyeing the cameraman. “Probably not, no.”
“Probably not,” the director echoed. “I’ll take that as a ‘maybe’, will I?”
Ludwig didn’t confirm nor deny that, because he didn’t know, really. He would do it for the money (or, more so, for the attention), but, even then, he wasn’t sure if he could even perform if a man was in front of him.
The director’s questions died down as Ludwig got closer to his climax. He noticed the overhead microphone inch closer to him, and decided to give a little more vocal entertainment. Letting his breath audibly shake, voicing his exhales every so often, until he came over his hand with a louder moan.
“Good job,” the director told him, handing him a box of tissues. “You can take a shower in the en suite over there.” He nodded to the door to Ludwig’s left. “Head home whenever you like. We’ll let you know when your video’s up.”
“Cool, thank you.” Ludwig tossed his tissue into the bin overflowing with cans of Red Bull.
“Next time you come here, we might take a few photos of you for your profile before we shoot, and you can send on any that you like as well.”
“Okay.”
--
After his shower, Ludwig stepped out on the balcony for a smoke. He wanted to stick around a little longer in case he had any questions for them. He had a feeling that he didn’t know enough about what was going on, what his role was, who he was filming with. Would he even be allowed to get to know the girls beforehand or would he have sex with them upon meeting them? Not that he really minded.
The glass door behind him clicked quietly, and hissed open. He looked over his shoulder to see the cameraman shutting the door behind himself. That strange tension in Ludwig’s chest caught him again. He couldn’t identify it, and that was what put him more on edge. All he could possibly say was there was something off about this guy that made Ludwig uneasy.
“Hey.” The cameraman leaned his elbow on the railing. “How’re you feeling?”
“I’m alright,” he said, dragging on his cigarette in hopes to ease that feeling in his chest.
“You just turned eighteen?” The cameraman said. “A lot of the creeps in this industry are gonna love that.”
Ludwig glanced over at him, up to the freshly stitched gash on his forehead, and then back out onto the road.
The guy seemed to realise that what he’d said was uncomfortable, and cleared his throat awkwardly. “You must be starting college pretty soon.”
“Yeah, in two weeks,” he said. “It’s starting really late this year for some reason.”
“You nervous?”
“Uh,” Ludwig smiled, “I guess. I mean, everyone would be. You in college?”
“Nah,” the guy said. “I graduated, like, five years ago.”
“Oh. What? Really?” Ludwig frowned. “You’ve got a baby-face, you know.”
The baby-face grinned in amusement.
Ludwig fished out his box of cigarettes, and offered it just for something to do. He hated to talk to someone while he smoked if they weren’t smoking. He preferred that they inhale their own first-hand smoke as well as his second-hand.
The cameraman declined with a shake of his head.
“How about the other two?” Ludwig asked. “Are they in college?”
“Nah, Star dropped out of high school, and Orb didn’t go,” he explained.
Ludwig stared at him for a few seconds, mouth open in a question that he didn’t know how to ask.
“Or—sorry. Um – Star probably—he doesn’t use nicknames with the actors,” the guy babbled.
“I’m gonna be honest with you,” Ludwig pulled on the cigarette, “I wasn’t paying attention when he introduced you guys.”
He laughed. “That’s cool. I’m Jeremy. The guy talking to you earlier, the director, asking you all the questions. That’s Steven. And the sound guy is Joel.”
Ludwig blew smoke out of the corner of his mouth. He recognised the name ‘Joel’ from whoever he’d been contacting about location and pay. “Star and Orb?” He echoed in amusement.
“Yeah,” Jeremy said. “Steven is Star. Joel is Orb. I’m gonna slip up a bunch talking about them. Took me a moment to even remember their real names.”
Ludwig stubbed out his cigarette in the ashtray on the rusty metal table to his left. There were a few other cigarette butts gathered in the tray. Ludwig wondered if either of the other two smoked, or if these were left by other actors.
“Let’s hear your nickname,” Ludwig said, turning to face him.
“Jerma.”
“Jerma,” Ludwig echoed. “What happened to your face?”
“Oh, well, you into boxing?”
“Sure.”
“Then, maybe, you’ve seen me. Like – I’m a champion boxer,” Jerma explained.
Ludwig leaned his chin on his hand in intrigue. “Seriously?”
“Yeah, and – you know – I was up against Muhammad Ali, and—”
“Jesus, I thought you were serious for a sec,” Ludwig scoffed, standing up straight.
Jerma laughed. “Nah. I fainted, and smacked my head off a shower door.”
“Well, Jerma” – Ludwig planted a hand on his shoulder – “maybe, you should stick to the boxing story. Next time, not with a seventy-one-year-old boxer.”
“Gotcha.”
Ludwig turned to go back inside. He still had a lingering feeling on his palm where he’d touched Jerma. After talking to him, he had no real reason to dislike him. Especially since he was leaving the conversation with a smile on his face. Especially since he really didn’t want to stop talking to him despite the nagging feeling.
--
Orb was the one to message Ludwig when his video and profile was ready the following day. He gave him some kind of membership code so that he could view their all of content for free. Before looking at his own video, Ludwig stalked through the other profiles.
There were about fifteen to twenty actors that were working for them. They were listed in order of popularity. The top actor was, to Ludwig’s surprise, a man. When he went to look at what kind of videos he starred in, they were mainly gay.
Ludwig scrolled down to the most popular female actor. Like the actor above her, she mainly filmed with women. Curious, Ludwig clicked on one of her videos. He didn’t really enjoy lesbian porn that much, but he was curious about how it was filmed. Right off the bat, he could tell this wasn’t the usual thing he would see on PornHub. He didn’t know what it was about the video, but there was something different. Something fuller.
He didn’t bother using his brain power to work out the exact differences, and moved on to find his own profile. It was blank. No profile picture, no cover photo. Just his name and a vague description of who he was: ‘Ludwig just turned eighteen, and is new to filming porn! He is attending college across the country, and will likely be a rare treat.’ He was curious about who wrote it.
The beginning of his video was a little boring. He looked so out of place and awkward – and a little sweaty from running up three flights of stairs to get to the right place. Once he skipped forward to him shirtless, he found that he already was looking more confident. It was sexy.
He was practically oozing confidence by the time he had his hand on his cock. While he had sent photos and videos to girls, he’d never seen his face when he jerked off, and he looked good. The way his eyebrows twitched. The way his lips parted.
Ludwig watched as his eyes drifted over to the camera, and, if he looked carefully, he could tell he wasn’t looking at the lens. He appeared to pry his eyes away from the camera only to return his gaze moments later – over and over. It was obvious to him that he wasn’t really looking at the camera because, well, it was him. But was it obvious to anyone that would watch it? Was it obvious to Jerma?
Was it obvious to Star when he told him, “You don’t have to look so intently at the camera, Ludwig”?