Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

  “the oven sucks,” is the first thing yoongi hears upon entering the kitchen. what he sees- oversized sweats in green, brown, and purple vertical stripes, a white tee three sizes too big thrown over it. in taehyung and jimin’s kitchen- jeongguk fits right in, as always with a black apron with a i like my butt rubbed and my pork pulled on. seokjin’s gift. “this is so shit.”

  friday nights are yoongi’s favourites. 

  he is never going to say it out loud, too bashful and red in the face, but they are his favourites. he is never going to admit it, but it’s something he actually looks forward to every week. he thinks about it during weekends, thinks about the weird shit he has been a witness to- taehyung and jimin’s antics, seokjin, namjoon making a powerpoint presentation about new interesting lines of thoughts, jeongguk trying out new terrible recipes, hoseok screeching on the floor, or what that would be - he thinks about it constantly, actually, thinks about it in between meetings with clients, meeting with managers, meeting with supervisors.  

  on mondays he thinks about both, last friday and next friday, because maybe, just maybe though, he has a little soft spot for the people he always spends his fridays with. on tuesdays and wednesdays he is usually so swamped with work that he can’t think about fridays so he dreams about them instead. thursdays are already fridays anyway so what else is he supposed to do rather than think about them.

  and maybe, surely, yoongi is a little bit of a dramatic person; he over-exaggerates things he is embarrassed to admit and he diminishes others. he blames seokjin for it, he actually blames seokjin for everything. but mostly for the impact he has had on yoongi for the past eight years they have known each other. because, fuck, if yoongi can’t see the way they became terribly similar over the years. 

  and the story, the story of seven of them is actually quite boring- it’s not at all but yoongi likes to diminish things he cares about- and it goes like this - yoongi is in university and has a constant frown on his face- that’s what seokjin says. seokjin is in university and has his shoulders so astronomically wide yoongi thinks he is an alien. he is also extremely ugly- that’s what yoongi says.

  jeongguk, on the other hand, would giggle airily and say that seokjin and yoongi are the weirdest people he has ever met. and yoongi, yoongi thinks jeongguk is the weirdest person he has ever met but no one agrees with him on that so he keeps quiet. seokjin is weird enough anyway but yoongi doesn't even put him on a scale of weirdness because seokjin is just seokjin and seokjin is-   

  jeongguk would say that when he met a grumpy cat-like-looking guy in his freshman year, he was ready to beg him to tutor him as he was struggling enormously in his intro to music production. he would say that everyone has been gushing about yoongi, about the guy who is doing his masters and is just so good at making music.

  yoongi would say, and here he and jeongguk would agree, that there was never even an option jeongguk would have to beg for tutoring, not really. all he had to do was use those big doe eyes and call yoongi a hyung with a whine dancing at the end of his throat. 

  because yes, yoongi is that easy. (jeongguk is that lovely.)

  jeongguk then, as he seems to be the main storyteller here, would say that for yoongi’s roommate, he imagined no one else but someone equally cryptic, equally formidable, and intact. that’s what he would say but then, again, aren’t plot twists always welcome. 

  when yoongi was starting his final term, he prayed to get a calm roommate that would give him enough space to finish his bachelor thesis freely. what yoongi got was the most confusing person he has ever laid his eyes on.

  back then seokjin’s hair was bleached and his jokes were awkward and terrible (they are just terrible now). back then yoongi took one look at him and judged him fiercely- unfoundedly- because that was kim seokjin and yoongi had heard about him before. 

  he was finishing up his bachelor’s, just as yoongi was, but he was older- by a year for yoongi but three months for seokjin because he is petty and wants to be babied constantly- and he was kim seokjin, the university's golden child. 

  back then, yoongi thought that the american-high-school hierarchy kind of thing was absolutely ridiculous, but hell if he didn’t love to ironically indulge in that from time to time. so of course, he knew who kim seokjin was- the actor, the prodigy, the most handsome face on the campus- he knew all these things. 

  (the truth is- yoongi lives for drama and so does seokjin, now. it has been eight years and yoongi trully hates- loves- how similar they have become.)

   yet he never expected him to be so goofy, so unserious, and so unbashful. the first three weeks- yoongi spent them scoffing at him, scoffing at the smiles that were sent his way. sending glares, too. the first two months, yoongi couldn’t figure out how to talk to the guy, he didn’t want to talk to the guy.

  that was until seokjin challenged him to uno game. challenged him and called him yoongichi, and yoongi has pride, okay. and what the fuck even is yoongichi.   

  how you respond to a challenge, is by challenging back. and this is exactly how he and seokjin spent an entire night playing card games in the common area and fighting over who is cheating more- because yes, of course seokjin’s a cheater. and yoongi has never met an opponent equally as shameless and disingenuous. 

  so that’s what yoongi would say, about his and seokjin’s first few months together. he would say it was terrible but, actually, seokjin was the best roommate yoongi had ever had. he kept to himself and yes, he was energetic and he had bad jokes and he was dramatic and loud- he was all those things and more. but only when there was a space. seokjin knew when to shut up and yoongi was immensely grateful for that. 

  now, many people say different things, so what hoseok would say is that before seokjin moved in with yoongi, he had never heard his friend be so worked up by someone before. he would say that he had known seokjin from high school- which is an objective truth for once- and that seokjin had had many roommates before but that yoongi was making him absolutely staggered most of the time, and neither of them knew what to make out of that. 

  but what yoongi and hoseok would say-  another objective truth- is that when seokjin introduced them, they had fallen in love with each other. and this is a fact because yoongi loves hoseok and hoseok loves yoongi, and honestly, if things weren’t so complicated he would marry the guy. 

  what jimin would say- and god, jimin is both the least and most trustworthy person in the world- is that being jeongguk’s workout buddy was the worst thing that has ever happened to him, until- 

  until jeongguk started talking about this one music prodigy, his absolute role model. until he started talking about his role model’s roommate and how he can write essays about their weird dynamic and how he sits on their couch sometimes and can’t believe that there are people who share this kind of banter and don’t kill one another. 

  until jeongguk told jimin that he was adopted and he has two gay dads now- one chirpy and unfunny, one cranky and tender-hearted. 

  naturally, this is when jimin got curious, so next week there were two guys asking yoongi for help with music (jimin was an econ major, he had no interest in music), asking stupid questions, and staring at yoongi with wide curious eyes.

  what seokjin would say about it is that once he came back from classes and saw the three of them huddled on the couch, was that he knew they were staying with them for a bit longer than a few hours. 

  and taehyung, yoongi kind of wishes taehyung wouldn’t speak at all because what he would say would probably be something along the lines of- i saw jiminie, got starstruck, i saw seokjin hyung- ain’t no way he was more good looking than me. i saw you, hyung- wanted to cuddle you up so much. saw jeongguk- i honestly blacked out from looking at his muscles. and saw hobi hyung- hobi hyung is the best person in the universe (objective truth). 

  but then if taehyung didn’t speak then he wouldn’t be able to say that he got to know this one subway worker once and that said worker kept messing up his orders. he wouldn’t be able to say that he has never been very confrontational- so he wouldn’t say a thing, not to the subway worker at least- and that instead, he needed to take jeongguk with him so that jeongguk could intimidate the guy.

  there’s nothing intimidating about jeongguk, that’s the thing. so in lieu of scaring the worker off, he let him fuck up his sandwich. after that, taehyung swore he would never go back to this subway again. but jeongguk did, as he's fallen in love with namjoon the same way yoongi did with hoseok. 

  what namjoon would say would contain a lot of big words that don’t even need to be used but that’s okay because, in the end, they will always forgive him and yoongi will try to translate whatever it is namjoon was trying to share. 

  the point, the point of all of this at the end, is that they are fucking old now and university seems like a hazy memory rather than reality. that’s point number one. 

  point number two- or maybe zero- is that yoongi loves fridays. 

  so point number zero- the base- is that yoongi is thirty at this point and has a stable job. all of them have stable jobs (jeongguk doesn’t count because he seems to be doing some weird witchcraft full-time which is something yoongi prefers not to think about. namjoon also doesn't count as he has been fighting for his phd for a few years now), they have stable jobs, and they have no time but- objectively- they love each other dearly and they make sure to keep friday nights for each other.

  and yoongi- he adores friday nights.  

  they always meet at taehyung and jimin’s place as they already live together, have lived together since they graduated really, and therefore their flat is the biggest. it is also conveniently placed at a similar distance from everyone’s workplaces (again, yoongi has no idea what jeongguk is doing), so it seemed like a no-brainer.

   “the oven sucks,” is the first thing yoongi hears upon entering the kitchen. what he sees- oversized sweater in green, brown, and purple vertical stripes, with a white tee there sizes too big thrown over it. in taehyung and jimin’s kitchen- jeongguk fits right in, as always with a black apron with a i like my butt rubbed and my pork pulled on. seokjin’s gift. “this is so shit.”

  “i don’t think they care,” is the first thing yoongi says, a soft hum, as he approaches the kitchen counter. the tote bag he carries with himself almost everywhere weighs heavy on his shoulder, full of bottles of the cheapest wine one can find.

  when jeongguk turns around, around from where he has been slouched over the over, a big smile is already illuminating his face. “hyung,” he exhales in content. “yoongi hyung, i’m so glad you are here.”

  the next second he is being embraced by a pair of arms that have only become stronger throughout the years. he shouldn’t be surprised- shouldn’t be surprised, looking at the penchant for working out jeongguk has always exhibited. and yoongi fully supports that, has always supported that. “ouch, gguk-ah.” he just wishes jeongguk knew how to manage all of that.

  “sorry,” he says, releases yoongi from his hold, though he keeps smiling, eyes wide, big front teeth on full display. “sorry,” he chuckles. “just got excited you got here.”

  yoongi ignores that just as he ignores a lot of things his friends tend to say. “what are you making today,” he asks, tries to lean over jeongguk’s shoulder but is stopped by fingers digging into his shoulders. “the fuck.”

  “you can’t see!” jeongguk shakes his head animatedly.

  yoongi blinks at him. “i can’t see.”

  “no.”

  it’s the usual at this point, more or less- some of it. like jeongguk arriving hours before all of them to confine himself in a kitchen that is not his. or bring the most peculiar ingredients from god knows where. “you are being really weird.”

  what is not usual is jeongguk not giving yoongi a whole presentation about the pulley plant-based seasonings and questionable vegetables he’s using this time.

  “‘m not weird,” jeongguk his lips form the smallest pout and, obviously, yoongi is about to let it go. of course he is. “s’just that-“

  “yoongi hyung” when the door slams open, there’s nothing new about that either. “you get into my home and can’t even bother to say hello, what- gguk-ah, what the fuck is this smell.”

  yoongi, naturally, just sends taehyung an unamused look. “you would harass me anyway.”

  there’s this theory yoongi has, something that he is still looking for scientific proof for, but it goes like this- taehyung is twenty-seven, and twenty-seven years ago exactly on december 30 he was born. in slacks and a shirt. and he never got out of them, not at all. they grew up with him and it’s exactly why yoongi is not floored at all that he is wearing them in the confines of his home. he was, however, not born with the nostril that has been there for a few years and the orange hair that jimin must have dyed for him at least a few days ago. 

  “there’s no smell,” jeongguk denies seriously, though there is already a little bit of colour adorning his cheeks. “dunno what you are talking about.”

  “quit it,” is what taehyung says, demands, all in faux-exasperation. “i should start charging you.”

  jeongguk cannot afford that and it’s what he says, a whine ready to be let out somewhere there. the thing is, though- and it’s a subjective truth- it that no one would ever charge him for anything. it’s a game they play- something that came out from yoongi’s grumpiness, jimin’s pettiness, seokjin’s dramatics, namjoon and jeongguk’s ability to be easily flustered, hoseok’s playfulness, and taehyung’s theatrics- a game where they tease, and they taunt, and they play around. 

  so that’s what they do. and they do it until they find someone who can’t take it anymore or the joke dies. (for seokjin, the joke never dies.)

  “i’ve burnt three baking trays,” jeongguk admits finally, quietly. he looks down while saying that, only to scoff and raise his chin up a moment later. “as i said, you have a shitty oven.”

  taehyung challenges him with a stern gaze, lips jutted out. “i dare you to say that to jimin.”

 “watch me-“

  yoongi sighs loudly, hides his hands in the pockets of his big bomber jacket. “i’m gonna tell him that,” he says, socked feet already shuffling. “i’m gonna go and tell jimin. is he getting high tonight too?”

  “no, trauma after last time.” taehyung shakes his head. “i’ve heard he said some weird shit to hoseok hyung that time but no one wants to tell me anything.”

  “he said a lot of weird shit that night,” yoongi concludes. “he always says weird shit.”

  “he is my soulmate.”

  “and you are weird,” jeongguk chimes in.

  “i dare you to say one more word. in my kitchen-“

  yoongi trudges away, away from the kitchen with the intention of finding someone that is not going to make his head hurt. silently, he prays for hoseok and namjoon to already be here. and part of his prayer is heard just as he is walking through the hallway. “is jimin getting high today? last time was sick.” 

  “hob-ah,” yoongi exhales in relief, incapable of containing a smile from lighting up his whole face. because hoseok is here, in the foyer, getting out of his black jacket.

  “hyung,” he greets, struggling a bit with extracting his limbs from the material. wordlessly, yoongi moves to help him. “thank you.” a hum from yoongi, eyes on the floor as he quietly hangs the jacket on the rack. “everyone already here?”

  “jeongguk’s been cooking,” yoongi shrugs, slowly making his way to the living room. “and no, jimin is not. apparently, he said some weird shit last time.”

  “he says a lot of weird shit,” hoseok quips. “but he mostly slurred weird things. and then we cuddled for, like, five hours. and then taehyungie came in. and we cuddled for another five hours.”

  yoongi leaves it at that, feet shuffling forward only to find jimin sprawled out on the couch in the living room. his shriek upon noticing both of them is loud but as quiet as jimin can get, jumping on his feet and embracing both of them at the same time a moment later. “hyungs!”

  he is certainly doing better than he was two weeks ago when he became a victim of jeongguk’s withered plants that he is cultivating in the small garden that belongs to an old lesbian- nabi- who calls jeongguk his favourite student, and who runs a very questionable shop with many questionable things (again, jeongguk’s whereabouts are complicated).

  and two weeks ago, some weird things were indeed said by jimin. he laid down on taehyung’s lap- nothing unusual about that- and joked about  how hilarious that would be if, in a few years, there would be two people in their group that would be married. how ridiculous that would be if it weren’t him and taehyung but someone else.

  jimin and taehyung have never mentioned anything about marriage, like, ever, despite what feels like centuries and centuries passing since they had started dating. were they sickeningly in love- yes. was that something they have ever needed to validate their feelings- no. 

  but jimin started the discussion and, at some point, it got really fierce and rancorous. jeongguk had to hold seokjin down after yoongi told him that he can’t see him marrying anyone, like, ever. and hoseok had to hold yoongi’s hand especially hard after seokjin responded by telling yoongi that they are in the same boat there. 

  what was the conclusion, once yoongi and seokjin stopped fighting, was that jeongguk is the most sought bachelor. that they could see him marrying yoongi, marrying hoseok, marrying namjoon. but yoongi disagreed. hoseok is his to marry. 

  “i think joon is having a little breakdown about his focus group,” hoseok shares, plopping down on the couch. “he used too many qualitative questions and the voice recording of some of them sucks.” 

  jimin pushes a strand of his brown hair behind his ear, humming with lips pursed in thought. “i’ve read the book he recommended last time. have you?”

  yoongi shakes his head. “no. but i watched the documentary.”

  “same,” hoseok says, his legs spread wide, comfortably. “and it was so confusing. is seokjin hyung coming? i feel like he is the only one who can make something out of nihilism.” 

  yoongi sits down on a single armchair that is as red as seokjin’s ears when you stare at him long enough. he exhales when his back relaxes against the pillows, eyes closing for a moment. “is he coming?” jimin asks, twirling around. “yoongi hyung-“

  he opens his eyes. “what.”

  “is seokjin hyung coming?”

  yoongi frowns. of course he is. they should know it too. “of course, he is.”

  and if he texts seokjin, it’s only to make sure.

[yg]

is it late enough

to celebrate ur absence

or should i wait another 3 minutes

[sj]

i was hoping u would wait the eternity for me

but ig three minutes are alright too

take what they give they said

[yg]

two minutes

gguk is baking sth sweet

i will eat it all just so u cant have it

[sj]

that’s very petty of u

not even a piece

[yg]

no

[sj]

thats a bummer

bet u are way sweeter tho

[yg]

this one was so bad

im locking the door rn

so embarrassing 

[sj]

im with joon!!!

don’t lock!!!

he was a bit sad so we are talking abt nihilism now

[yg]

yeah he fucked up his focus group

[sj]

that sucks

oh wait i don’t think it’s nihilism anymore

supranationalism ??? i think???

can you open the door

[yg]

no

[sj]

yoongichi

“someone go open the door,” yoongi sighs. “for hyung and namjoon.”

  jimin goes easily, skipping. from the couch, hoseok sends yoongi an amused look. “couldn’t do that yourself?” he asks, his feet dangling from the arm of the green couch.

  yoongi sends him a glare. “no.”

   hoseok’s head tips back in a laugh yoongi does not find endearing. for sure. yoongi’s best friend- don’t tell the others- starts murmuring things then, evidently going crazy in his usual manner. it’s all that yoongi has heard before anyway- how he and seokjin are equally crazy, stubborn, and weird.

  yoongi knows all these things but he seems to be the only one who does not find it absolutely delightful.

  now that yoongi thinks about it, jeongguk is actually his best friend. because, unlike others, he actually sits quietly and enjoys whatever is happening. or reads his books and experiments with his herbs. yeah, yoongi loves jeongguk the best.

  “yoongi-yah!”

  yoongi’s chest deflates with a quiet exhale, eyes barely flicking up. he blinks at seokjin, who flashes him a wide grin while approaching in big strides.

  “yoongi-yah!”

  yoongi tries not to show it, tries to school his expression, but it always gets hard when seokjin looks at him like that- hair parted on the forehead, eyes shining in mischief, and arms ready for a hug. so he stands up because he knows there is no way of avoiding it- because he doesn't really want to avoid it- and lets himself get embraced. 

  “yeah. hi,” he mutters into seokjin’s stupidly broad chest. the perfumes are new, he notices, and he hates himself for even knowing what seokjin had been using in the first place. if seokjin were to know that, oh, he would have a field day. “hyung.”

  seokjin squeezes his arms around yoongi’s waist until yoongi can’t breathe so he squeezes back equally as hard. they stay like that for a few seconds, trying to see who is going to relent first. “s-sweetheart,” seokjin gulps, voice strained, clearly struggling. “if you wanted to touch me longer you could have just said that.”

  yoongi shakes his head. in the beginning, it worked-  the cheesy pick up lines that would throw yoongi off for a moment- but now it doesn’t. yoongi has heard all of that. he’s endured eight years of that. “mhm, tell me more of that.” he tries to go for cheeky but his voice wavers at the end. seokjin’s arms tighten. yoongi chokes. “o-okay. okay motherfucker. let go of me.” 

  seokjin does, albeit slowly, prolonging it. when he pulls back his stupid wide smile is back. “that was exceptionally bad,” he comments.

  “you are-“

  yoongi wants to say something, something that makes no sense and is extremely exaggerated but hoseok chooses this moment to latch onto seokjin. sat back down in the armchair, yoongi’s eyes stay locked of the two as they exchange a quick hug. 

  he hasn’t seen seokjin in two weeks as he bailed on them last time for reasons still unknown. private matters, he said but yoongi was convinced he had a date. which he expressed with many complaints in his text messages because fridays are for them, not for dates. these are the rules. 

  and seokjin never said that he did not have a date but he did say that he would never bail on yoongi for a man. which is a fat lie because in their second year of masters seokjin would spend four days in his ex’s apartment after yoongi spilled water over his laptop- it was a mistake, okay. who even leaves their laptop in a fucking kitchen. (“i do! because i like watching video essays! who the fuck washes dishes next to a laptop! yoongi!”)

  nevertheless, there was a time when seokjin bailed on yoongi. even if seokjin didn’t really like that guy, and even if he was perfectly aware that jeongguk and taehyung had taken upon his request and annoyed yoongi for four days straight. 

  that had been the only time seokjin had chosen someone over yoongi. and it hadn’t even been like that anyway- he’d just wanted to teach yoongi a lesson (which was a terrible lesson because yoongi doesn’t need patronising. he’d known he fucked up, thank you very much).

   last week seokjin texted the group chat and said he wasn’t coming. which, obviously, stirred confusion. he played it out with jokes, just as he always does. and yoongi knows his jokes, knows how he exaggerates and downplays many things- the terrible traits yoongi has acquired from him- so he obviously attacked him with exaggeration too.

  yoongi called him, straight from his studio, interrogated him. or so he tried because seokjin is a sly motherfucker and yoongi is not so sly. not yet at least. so what he got was basically- ‘no, yoongi, i would never stand you out for another man’, ‘no, that one time doesn’t count’, ‘how is my life your business anyway’, ‘i’m so glad i don’t have to see you this week’- which was nothing but the usual. 

  now, yoongi still doesn’t know what this joke of a man had planned for the last friday and he honestly doesn’t want to know. but he did receive a text announcing that seokjin, in fact, would bless him with his presence this time.

  namjoon enters the room two thousand times quieter than seokjin and with a smile that is a little bit too tight for yoongi’s liking. yoongi goes up to him, hugs him, and sincerely says, “i’m sorry it sucks.”

  and namjoon shakes his head gently, smile a little bit more relaxed now. “it’s okay. happens.” 

  this is something yoongi admires deeply about him. the ability to feel and be okay with feeling bad. this is something yoongi had to learn in the past. and the biggest part of it- he learnt it from namjoon. “i watched this documentary,” he starts, shouldering namjoon, “and the guy in black- i don’t understand why he would not water his plants.”

  yoongi is so so glad when namjoon’s face immediately lights up. “oh! that’s because it’s a metaphor for-“ he goes on and yoongi listens. about metaphors, about dilemmas, about mulling. he doesn’t really understand most of it so he asks questions, he tries to get it. because this is namjoon, and yoongi loves namjoon, and he really needs him to get that phd already.

  somewhere along the way he tries to move back to his seat only to find it already occupied by taehyung. he blinks down at him, gets a grin wide enough to light up a room in response. wordlessly, he looks for another place to sit.

  “yoongichi.”

  “yoongi hyung.”

  the couch is right there, with seokjin and jeongguk sitting on each side and smiling at yoongi. the smiles are vastly different- seokjin smiles like he is about to eat yoongi while jeongguk smiles like he wants to get cuddled.

  yoongi sits down in between them.

  seokjin tsks at him right away and yoongi nudges him with his knee. “stop being annoying,” he mutters, eyes down on seokjin’s blue light jeans. they are new and he hates himself for knowing that too. “they are new.”

  seokjin’s head turns to his side, body adjusting on the couch. “what is new,” he asks blankly. “not your love for me, for sure.”

  yoongi scoffs. jeongguk chuckles. yoongi turns around to face him instead. “how is your food coming, gguk-ah.”

  “hopefully not getting burned down this time,” he sighs, pouting. “this one is the hardest one i have ever done. nabi noona said it could be my biggest one yet.”

  “nabi also said that no one would die from smoking your shit,” jimin chimes in as he enters the room, arms full of bottles of various alcohols. hoseok is right behind him, carrying trays of food that are to be set down on the coffee table. “and look at me, still going through it.”

  jeongguk is really protective of nabi- his mentor. if something goes wrong, it’s never her fault and instead, it’s jeongguk who fucks up. which may be the truth or not. but what is true for sure is that jeongguk used to frequent this hippie coffee shop and he would make many friends there- some more questionable, some less. and after going through approximately seven offers of joining an orgy a day, jeongguk has met nabi. that’s what he likes to call the beginning of his spiritual journey.

  “that’s because i didn’t realise that libras are more sensitive to sage than others!” he half-whines. “and i apologised. never gonna give you sage again. lesson learnt.”

jimin narrows his eyes at him and it ends up being everything but intimidating. “whatever. but i’m never taking anything from you. ever.”

  “guess today it’s a no for you, then,” jeongguk sighs. “it’s fine, i don’t think you were worthy enough, anyway.”

  “i was what-“

  “let’s- let’s have a drink,” yoongi interjects. “yeah. let’s talk about our last weeks. hob-ah, care to pass me one of these bottles.”

  that’s what hoseok does, and for the next hour or so yoongi listens to many stupid stories. some of them he gets- taehyung bad mouthing at his creative writing degree but gushing about the article he’s been redacting recently, or hoseok’s struggle with six-year-olds in his dance class.

  some of them, they are more complicated- namjoon and his focus group (this one yoongi gets), him having to code the answers to get his little silly charts (this yoongi doesn’t get), or jimin and his favourite ahjummas in the queer hair salon he owns.

  but then there are jeongguk’s stories, stories in which he talks about herbs, and about expanding the power of your brain, and about channeling your inner energy. and about the gym, sometimes. these yoongi can’t understand.

  and then-

  “what were you doing last time, hyung,” taehyung asks with a lopsided smile, his back resting on jimin’s chest where he is petting his hair. “why would you break our hearts like that.”

  “they were broken,” jeongguk hums.

  jimin nods. “shattered.”

  yoongi turns to look at seokjin, fingers idly playing with the strands coming out from the hole in his jeans. his white t-shirt is wrinkled and it’s tucked into these stupid jeans that yoongi is almost sure are new. he is looking at taehyung, a condescending expression on his face. “no one missed you,” yoongi gruffs under his breath.

  it’s apparently hilarious and everyone ends up chuckling. “yoongi hyung missed you the most,” namjoon shares softly.

  “no, i didn’t.” yoongi shakes his head then, just to appear petulant, he adds, “he went on a date.”

  jeongguk and hoseok gasp in a union, their eyes opened wide. seokjin whips his head around so fast that yoongi gets hit with the smell of his perfume even more. yeah, definitely new. “i didn’t go on a date,” he drawls, expression incredulous. 

  “hyung, how could you leave us for a man,” jimin joins. “i thought we had something!”

  seokjin rolls his eyes. “you leave us for your man every single day.”

  “yeah, but my man is here! he is one of your men too!”

  namjoon argues that this is a very valid point to make and jimin smiles brashly. he goes on a rant about how he is always right and taehyung stares at him like he holds all the stars in the universe, until-

  “wait.” jimin squints at him. “you are trying to distract me. i’m not gonna get played like that.” the expression on jimin’s face makes yoongi giggle quietly and his shoulders shake with laughter. “come on, that was a low blow even for you, hyung. i can do better than that.”

  jeongguk snorts, “were you really, two weeks ago-” he is leaning into yoongi’s body, head resting on his shoulder. bashfully, yoongi can’t wait until jeongguk gets relaxed enough to play with his fingers. yoongi is not going to initiate that but- objective truth is that- yoongi loves having his hands held.

  “you have no right to talk about that, little witch. it was your fault!”

  “little witch?” jeongguk blinks in astonishment, his bottom lip jutting out. 

  oh god, yoongi can’t really help it. “it’s- it’s cute,” he murmurs, eyes cast downwards. “suits you, gguk-ah.”

  jeongguk blushes and it makes yoongi burn too. he nods his head trying to look anywhere but at his- current- best friend, only to cross eyes with seokjin who is already staring at him. “yoongi-yah,” he says, almost whispers.

  “don’t,” he voices because he knows what is coming. he looks at seokjin, looks at the arch of his nose, the dip of his brow, and the top of cupid’s bow, and he knows- 

  “cute,” seokjin says and it’s not terrible at all. it is terrible- he is flashing yoongi the smile that appears only when he gets a little shy and has to turn his head away. this kind of smile that is not reserved for everyone and for every time. and really, it’s terrible.

  “why are you so weird today,” yoongi hisses in a low voice.

  seokjin turns back to him but never quite meets his eyes. “i’m not weird. nothing weird-“

  “you are acting so fucking weird right now.”

  “you have no idea how weird i can get.”

  “i do, actually.” he rolls his eyes. “remember when you started growing plants in my socks? that was very fucking weird. or when you drank only green tea for two weeks straight and you would even wash your hair in that? or when you wrote a behavioural essay about hamsters? or when you-“

  “can you shut up for once-“

  yoongi stares daggers at him. “no. or when you roleplayed all three powerpuff girls at the same time? or when-“

  “i missed you!” he exclaims passionately but quiet enough for only the two of them to hear. “okay. i missed you.”

  yoongi’s first reaction is to scoff but, really, he has no idea what to say. “oh.” he exhales. “why would you get so weird from missing me.”

  “you wouldn’t call me!” he whines in faux affront. 

  “i called you,” yoongi hisses. he is almost fully turned away from jeongguk now, his legs tucked under, and his finger is poking into seokjin’s arm before he can even register what he is doing. “from my own studio. when i was supposed to work on a song. i called you.”

  seokjin arches his eyebrow, chest rising with a deep inhale. finally, he meets yoongi’s eyes, all for a fleeting moment that ends quickly. “you called me to lecture me.”

  yoongi pushes his hand through his hair. “yeah, i did.”

  “i wanted you to call me to talk about- stuff,” seokjin grumbles. 

  “stuff.”

  “stuff,” seokjin breathes. “like- silly little things. you always call, like, twice a week. to talk about bullshit.”

  yoongi takes a moment to think through that. does he really call seokjin at random times of the week just to complain about things- oh. “well, it’s not like you couldn’t have called me,” he muses.

  “yoongi,” seokjin says and it’s the voice he uses when he signals it’s time for a break. a break from faux exasperation, and faux affront, and faux disgruntlement, and faux everything they do.

  “okay,” yoongi mutters, nudges seokjin’s thigh with his knee for a good measure. “you remember the dick that wanted an ost for your drama? i was almost done with the song but then he decided he wants more like ‘european club edm kind of thing’ which is- what the fuck. isn’t your character, like, a loser?”

  “maybe he is going clubbing in europe, who knows.” the corners of seokjin’s mouth lift in a gentle smile and, yeah, yoongi should have called. he has no idea why he didn’t. “i can’t tell you, it’s confidential. but you know what they say. the quiet ones-“

  “i know. so please, save it.”

  “and i know the guy you are talking about. he is like…yeah. he is like that. never satisfied, always complaining,” seokjin shares.

  yoongi knows what he means and he knows what he doesn’t mean here. there’s a difference between yoongi’s complaining and other people’s complaining. seokjin doesn’t care for yoongi’s complaining, maybe even finds it a little bit entertaining, because yoongi complains just for the sake of complaining and he never truly means anything snarky.

  but then there are people like seokjin’s superiors- people like executive producers, scriptwriters, and movie directors- that judge seokjin’s performance on a daily basis. people seokjin must satisfy. and that’s where the complaining that really gets to seokjin takes place. 

  and yoongi, he has known him for eight years. and they don’t live together anymore, haven’t for a little bit more than two years now, ever since both of them could afford a place on their own. 

  the thing is, he has spent more time with seokjin than he has with anyone else. he has seen the seokjin barely anyone gets to see- the quiet and insecure one, the one who drops fake smiles and allows himself, in rare moments, to really get vulnerable. “are you… is it too overwhelming?” yoongi asks him because this is the way they always worked through it, the only way that worked for them. “is it okay, or-“ he trails off.

  seokjin takes a moment to form the response and for yoongi this is telling enough. “it’s fine, for now,” he finally answers. yoongi is already back to playing with the hole in his jeans. “not bad. but the storyline honestly sucks. my co-star is okay but her jokes are mediocre, and i think she is trying to hit on me. i’m never doing this director ever again, no matter what my manager says.”

  “that-“ yoongi winces. “yeah, that sucks.” and it truly does, yoongi hates when seokjin is struggling with stuff that matters to him. “imagine if you went to europe to film, though.”

  seokjin’s face lights up. “oh please, i would have taken you with me, obviously. that’s the only way to make it.”

  yoongi smiles, now more at ease since he knows seokjin is not miserable. “i wouldn’t have gone with you. i would bail on you for a guy instead, just like you did on me last week.”

  seokjin’s cheeks get so puckered out yoongi knows his answer is going to be loud before he even opens his eyes. “there was no guy! i didn’t bail on anyone for a guy!”

  this gets everyone’s attention. a wide grin spreads across taehyung’s face. “but remember when yoongi hyung spilled water over your-“

  “i was teaching him a lesson!”

  seokjin’s ears are glaring hotly at this point and this is one of the reasons yoongi likes their little group as much as he does- they bully seokjin with love. yoongi remembers meeting him for the first time, remembers the uno night and his cheating- and he likes to think that seokjin needed people to call him out more than anyone else (seokjin needed people to care about and needed people who would care about him).

  “okay, but for real now,” hoseok finally says. he has a glass in his palm, swiveling it carefully. by a pure accident yoongi’s eyes shift to taehyung who seems fixated on the movement. “what were you doing last week.”

  seokjin responds immediately and the only way yoongi can explain it is by having the answer prepared hours beforehand. “i was plotting,” he deadpans.

  namjoon is frowning at him. “you were plotting. plotting what.”

  “so… remember two weeks ago, when we lost jimin-“

  “for fuck’s sake-“

  “remember when you all told me you can’t imagine me marrying anyone here,” he continues. “that was fucking insulting. and yoongi-“ he gestures at him, “you said you can see him marrying two people here! yoongi? two people? marrying hoseok?”

  “oh, now you are going too far,” yoongi interjects, voice lively. “you are not going to sit here and tell me i can’t marry the love of my life.”

  “but you can’t have two options when i’m having none,” seokjin continues, hands gesturing in vague movements now. “that’s why i spent last weekend plotting.”

  yoongi can’t believe what he is hearing. “plotting what, the fuck. it better not be stealing hobi away from me-“

  “hyung, no one is ever going to steal me away from you-“

  “i was plotting the seduction of yoongi! because if i’m going to stay single forever, then he is staying with me.”

  hoseok is the first one to burst out laughing. “what the fuck,” he cackles. “what the fuck.”

  jeongguk is giggling airily, high-pitched, and it almost feels like they are tears in his eyes. “i love that,” he hiccups. “what were the tactics. please, i gotta know.”

  “well-“

  “wait,” yoongi interrupts, still perplexed. “the perfumes. and the jeans. they are new- what the fuck did you think you were doing.”

  “you noticed!” seokjin starts up. “see, it’s already working.”

  yoongi frowns. “that’s- wow, this is so ridiculous.”

  “no, this is hilarious.” jimin wipes his eyes. “just imagine, in like three years- imagine seokjin hyung and yoongi hyung being married and sharing an apartment together.”

  yoongi sends him a glare. “i don’t believe in the institution of marriage.”

  taehyung shakes his head, completely ignoring him. “imagine like- imagine them being in love with one another. i would pay to see that.”

  seokjin adjusts on the couch, hums, “me and yoongi would do great in love together,” he puffs out. “me and yoongi are great at everything together.”

  “i think-“ jeongguk starts tentatively, “i think they would be cute, actually.” he gnaws on his bottom lip. “for some reason- i don’t know.”

  “no, but,” jimin winces. “imagine them kissing. that would be so traumatic.”

  that makes jeongguk snicker loudly. “hyung, your kisses are traumatic.”

  “excuse me.” jimin makes a face at him. “you should be grateful to me and taehyungie for teaching you how to kiss. a life-changing experience.”

  “jimin-ah.” taehyung scrunches his nose. “he kissed us and decided he doesn’t want to kiss anyone ever again. i think it was kinda traumatic.”

  that makes jimin pout, his head cocking to the side in the way he does when he is displeased and grumpy about something. “but i was sweet about that! sweeter than your favourite cake at the coffee shop down the street-“

  jeongguk’s eyes get even bigger than usual.

  “fuck! my cake!” jeongguk jumps to his feet. “my cake! it’s going to burn down!”

  he storms out at unbelievable speed. “yeah,” taehyung grimaces, the smell from the kitchen already reaching them. “maybe we should get a new oven.”

  they launch into a conversation about that then, debating different kinds of ovens despite knowing that they will have to consult jeongguk on that anyway. he is the one who cooks all the time and taehyung and jimin are rather helpless in this department. yoongi knows hoseok often comes over to cook something for them as he lives nearby. yoongi loves hoseok. hoseok is the best person in the world.

  “so,” seokjin clears his throat. “you and me in love? i think it would be kind of iconic.”

  yoongi rolls his eyes. “please.”

  “i mean, i did say i would never leave you for a man,” he quips lightheartedly. “that would make you my only man ever. forever.”

  yoongi groans, hides his face in his palms. his head is spinning. “how could- imagine you ever falling in love with me.”

  seokjin smiles wryly. “imagine you falling in love with me. that would be so embarrassing, yoongichi.”

  yeah, that would be. seokjin is seokjin and yoongi would never see him as someone else than seokjin. his annoying hyung. they joke, and they play around, and they know a lot about each other. and they love each other dearly. just not like that, never like that.

  (there’s more to seokjin and yoongi that they let people on. because it seems very surface-level mostly- their relationship. it seems lighthearted, it seems very unserious, and it seems playful. but it’s not like that, not at all.

  it’s so much more- it’s yoongi giving seokjin a place to vent, a place where he can slowly strip down from all his layers and come from anxious jokes to actual vulnerability, a place where he can let himself be heard. it’s a place where seokjin can be the anxious mess he usually hides from everyone else.

  it’s seokjin squeezing yoongi’s shoulders and wrists and knees when he sees him dissociating a little. it’s seokjin listening and not invalidating anything he says. it’s seokjin, who used to make a new silly little drink for yoongi every day to try out in the morning when yoongi would stay in his bed for days and dream of not waking up ever again.

  it’s just- it’s just so much more with the two of them. and they are their own entities, and each of them kind of awkwardly shares his love. they don’t have the ability to say the words out loud, don’t have the ability to say some things without exaggerating or diminishing them.

  but it’s so much more- and yoongi loves seokjin, and he knows seokjin loves him too. deeply. he loves seokjin and he doesn’t have to fall in love with him to love him deeply. seokjin is seokjin and yoongi is yoongi. and they go through ups and downs together.)

  “suggest that to the dick director,” yoongi proposes, eyes on taehyung and jimin who are slow dancing now, not bothered about their burning kitchen in the slightest. “edm would actually kill it here.”

  “oh, imagine our eyes meeting for the first time like that- boom, the anti-drop. your eyes soften at the corners, my lighten up in disbelief. the biggest korean gay drama- everyone loves it, everyone goes crazy.”

  “we go to europe as best friends,” yoongi giggles. “and somewhere between the lows of paris and the highs of prague we realise we have always been more.”

  “i make the first move and take your hand into mine, intertwine our fingers. you blush and can’t look at me for the rest of the night-“

  “i see a waiter flirting with you. start feeling weird. realise i want to be the only one looking at you  like that-“

  “we kiss in the rain-“

  “that’s- wow,” jeongguk interrupts as he comes to a halt in front of them. immediately, their focus shifts to him, standing there with a shy smile on his lips and a plate in his hands. “that was very… intense.”

  seokjin rolls his eyes. “we were plotting our love story,” he says lightheartedly. he does this thing when he double-blinks, motions with his head at jeongguk’s hands. “what is that.”

  “oh,” jeongguk lets out a single chuckle. for some reason, no one noticed him walking back into the room- or maybe they did, just didn’t want to ask unnecessary questions. jeongguk’s cheeks are rosy when he responds, “this is a cake. lava cake. the only one that didn’t burn down.”

  “lava cake,” yoongi deadpans. “and you burned, what, four of them?”

  “six,” he huffs. “i have burned six of them. but it makes it even better, honestly. ‘cause now this one is the chosen one, and only one person is worthy of it.” he looks around, wide eyes taking in everyone as if he’s considering something. meanwhile, seokjin stretches his hand out to get the cake for himself. yoongi slaps his wrist.

  “ouch!”

  jeongguk turns around and perhaps, yoongi thinks, perhaps he has been waiting for the exact thing to happen as now he is watching seokjin couch onto his hand, an annoyed expression on his face, eyes glinting with mischief. “see, that’s how i know you are not worthy of it,” he says, a proud smile lighting up his face. 

  “of course i am worthy of it!” seokjin splutters, eyebrows drawn. “i am worthy of good fucking chocolate.”

  jeongguk gasps, one of his hands flying to clutch at his chest, the cake almost slips from the plate as a result. wordlessly, yoongi stabilises the plate and carefully takes it into his hands as jeongguk fires up, “it’s not just chocolate! it’s a chocolate cake with a liquid chocolate core! and i made the chocolate! from cocoa beans i had to import from the ivory coast! there are impossible to get unless you have connections.”

  jeongguk doesn’t really have connections, but yoongi doesn’t try to interrupt. seokjin, on the other hand, he has never had as many restraints as yoongi does.

  “you’ve got no connections.”

  jeongguk’s mouth opens wide in defense. “i have a connection with nabi noona and she lets me use all of her connections.”

  “still seems like-“

  yoongi looks down at the cake, noting it seems rather okay. the plate is hot as fuck and it feels like it’s going to burn his skin, and once you look close enough you can see traces of it almost being lost to the oven. the oven that, at this point, yoongi is not sure is even capable of working. 

  he gets pushed to the side and has to tighten his hold on the plate. looking back at seokjin and jeongguk who are now in the middle of a stroppy fight, yoongi sighs loudly. because yes- jeongguk may have seokjin in the chokehold right now. 

  “the cake- it’s getting cold,” yoongi says at some point, tone flat.

  “oh.” jeongguk’s head emerges from somewhere on the couch. his hair is disheveled and his lip piercing might be pulled to the side. “it’s fine, hyung, it’s for you anyway. you are my favourite one.”

  “how dare you-“ seokjin exhales, face red. “-how dare you lie straight to his face, jeongguk-ah, when i am right here.”

  “maybe you are lying to yourself, huh,” yoongi hums with a close-mouthed smile, only to spur seokjin on further. it’s been two weeks. he has missed him. objectively- everyone would.

  seokjin makes a face at yoongi, the one when he tries to convince him that his faux-annoyance is an actual thing and that yoongi should consider not opening his mouth ever again. “sweetheart, let me remind you who cooked for him.”

  yoongi rolls his eyes at him. “sweetheart, let me remind you who raised him.”

  and it’s a challenge for seokjin, it always is. “yoongi-yah, you better shut your mouth or i might have to kiss it shut.”

  and it’s- it’s pronounced in a way yoongi knows seokjin is playing with him. there’s the undertone there, the one yoongi knows well. and yoongi, he never plays along. but maybe, maybe he should. just to see the stupid look on seokjin’s face.

  “oh, you would love to do that, wouldn’t you.”

  and it’s- it’s nothing, really. but jeongguk whistles and seokjin halts his movements, gaping at yoongi. it's nothing. and it’s great. yoongi starts giggling. 

  “oh my god,” jeongguk cackles. “oh my god.”

  “that’s…” seokjin starts. “yoongi, what the fuck.”

  “i’m j-just,” yoongi tries to answer through laughter. “your face was so-“

  “right?” jeongguk agrees. “totally gone. oh my god, that was amazing. my stomach hurts.” and yoongi, yoongi is really happy with himself right now. he spent so much time listening to seokjin’s flirtatious comments that they kind of lost their meaning. but this- this is so much fun. “hyung, please take the cake. my heart tells me it's yours. you deserve it.”

  and what yoongi is supposed to do, really. “okay.” he shrugs his shoulders. “cheers for me.”

  he eats the cake. and it’s really good.

  it’s amazing, absolutely amazing. it’s amazing until he starts hearing a particular song “hey, can you hear candy shop too?”

  but no one does. and yoongi, he kind of loses focus.

  he wakes up because of the rays of the sun hitting him straight in his face. 

  yoongi frowns and rolls onto his other side, his head immediately rubbing into his pillow. it’s a habit of his- nuzzling into one of his pillows and then hiding his face in the free space between them. he always makes sure one of his pillowcases is soft and fluffy as he loves waking up to-

  this pillowcase is everything but fluffy.

  he frowns.

  this can’t be his pillow.

  his eyes blink open.

  immediately, he knows something is off. the pillow is rough on his face and it’s cold . he hides deeper into his comforter only o realise that- these are not his sheets. they are dark green, a colour yoongi would definitely appreciate any other time, a colour that is totally different from the black-and-white that he put on just a few days ago.

  and they smell different, too. less like clean sheets and more like daisies. “what the fuck.”

  his bare feet touch the cold floor once he sits up only to send a shiver through his body. there is no rug in the place when yoongi usually has one. there’s- how can he even describe it. there’s nothing of the things he owns and everything of the things he has never seen before. 

  the dresser, for example, is dark blue and the full-body mirror in the corner is something yoongi has never possessed. even the floor is different, albeit barely, but the brown flooring panels are deeper than what yoongi is used to.

  even more confused now, yoongi rises to his feet and the t-shirt he has on rolls down his body almost all the way to his knees, covering even the shorts he has on. and the t-shirt- it's a faded shade of pink.

  “what the fuck.” he shuffles out of the room, the door creaking open significantly quieter that the one he has at his own place. because this- this is not his home, for sure. yoongi lives in a single-bedroom apartment with definitely not enough light and furniture rather dark. 

  it’s not his place because right off the bat he sees three other pairs of doors and it’s definitely too much. and it’s definitely not his place because there is a kitchen, connected to a huge living room with a dining table big enough to host a listening party. 

  it’s not his place- the couch is wine-like colour and there are conifers of plants in one of the corners of the room. yoongi doesn’t do plants, they always die way too quickly. yoongi also doesn’t do gaming consoles, and he doesn’t do tablecloths in flowery patterns, and he definitely doesn’t do fridges this big. 

  but then- the expensive-looking speakers are something he would definitely do. they are his favourite brand too, probably right off the shelf. and the bookcase that is right against one of the walls- yoongi has read some of the books. yoongi loves some of the books. 

  and then, there are dishes in the sink. and two of the mugs- yoongi knows them very well. one is bright yellow with a blue bee drawn in the middle. it was a gift from taehyung in university, something that was supposed to refer to one of yoongi’s first ever released songs. 

  and the second mug- yoongi regonises it, too. he bought it for seokjin when he didn’t get the role he really wanted to get. so yoongi bought him a stupid mug and put stupid sweets inside just to try to lighten up his mood a little bit. 

  there’s a sound of keys being pushed into a lock and yoongi startles. he has no idea where he is but he has to be breaking the law, right. he is in someone’s apartment, he woke up in someone’s apartment. and hell, he can’t have any charges pressed at him right now, not when he is about to collaborate with so many big names in the industry.

  he crouches down behind the kitchen island.

  “-shh, you are going to wake him up.”

  he hears rustling, quiet words being exchanged, and things being put onto surfaces. he hears steps. and yoongi is so so fucked- he is sure of it. he is going to have to find a new label, change his name, and go undercover probably. he is in someone’s else apartment for fuck’s sake, and this is trespassing. 

  “huh, no, i don’t know where he is, then. you should know. man, who am i- your servant? get your nose to work.”

  the steps echo closer and closer and yoongi squeezes his eyes shut, breath held in trepidation. fuzzily, he thinks that the voice sounds oddly familiar but it’s not something on his mind right now-

  “oh.”

  a dog jumps into his lap. it’s small and brown, and it squeaks upon seeing yoongi. a brown toy puddle probably, if yoongi were to guess. all in all, it is kind of ridiculous to be caught red-handed because of a dog this cute. yoongi would appreciate any other time. he definitely would.

  “yoon?”

  and this is- this is weird. no one ever calls yoongi that. and, wait, how does the owner of the house even know yoongi’s name-

  “yoongi, what the hell are you doing on the floor.”

  yoongi looks up from the dog that is trying to manipulate him into being petted (yoongi loses this fight), he looks up only to exhale in the biggest relief he has- objectively- felt in his entire life. “oh, thank god. thank fucking god.”

  seokjin is here. he is not going to call the cops on yoongi.

  he gets up, knees popping with the movement. seokjin blinks at him confused as he cards his hand through his hair, which is- and it surely is a chimera of his confused brain- a bit longer that he recalls it being. ”just cleaning.”

  the poodle keeps jumping around yoongi’s legs, trying to gain his attention and failing only a little. “take him into your arms, you know how he loves it,” seokjin hums. and yoongi looks down at the dog, the dog he saw for the first time around three minutes ago. he looks at it- him, and figures nothing bad had ever came out from holding a dog in arms. “when did you wake up anyway?”

  seokjin moves to the kitchen in the meantime, getting started on the coffee from the best looking coffee machine yoongi has ever seen in his life. “uhm…” he utters, still perplexed. “like ten minutes ago, i think?”

  seokjin hums, acknowledging it. swiftly, he steps to the huge fridge, starts taking things out. butter, ham, lettuce. more. “there were out of the sesame bagels so we got the poppy seed ones. but don’t worry, holly barked at the owner, so he is going to save some for us next time.”

  “that’s… that’s good.” the dog- holly- is squirming in his arms so yoongi tries to put him down only to feel paws scratching his forearm. yeah, holly seems like someone who would bark if he didn’t get his way. “i like the sesame ones better anyway.”

  seokjin rolls his eyes. “i know.” over the kitchen island, he slides yoongi a mug of black steamy coffee. yoongi draws his eyebrows together, thanking him quietly. “by the way, you should take him to the vet tomorrow,” seokjin continues, motioning at the dog with his head. “i think the paw situation might be getting worse actually.”

  “that’s… unfortunate,” yoongi says. he doesn’t understand why he would take seokjin’s dog to the vet. the thing is- of course he would if seokjin asked. but he is seeing this dog for the first time in his life. “holly,” he tries, addressing the dog. “hey, holly.”

  holly turns around. he licks yoongi’s face. repeatedly.

  okay. so apparently, seokjin’s dog really likes him. for some reason.

  “and my shooting might take longer than usual. tomorrow. i don’t think i will be able to get us breakfast.”

  “i can cook.”

  seokjin snorts. “i know you can, dumbass.” yoongi takes a sip of his coffee, and- objectively and subjectively- it’s pure heaven on his tongue. “‘m just saying. so you can get out of bed once and go out with holly in the morning.”

  yoongi looks down at the dog again. he decides not to ask any of the questions piling up on his tongue. this whole situation- it’s weird. and it’s either a dream or yoongi is intoxicated. or- or maybe seokjin is out here pranking him. but how- why. 

  how did yoongi even get in here in the first place.

  “shouldn’t he, like- eat?” he decides to ask instead. 

  the dog is looking at him with huge pleading eyes. yoongi is vaguely reminded of the first time jeongguk asked him for tutoring. his heart flutters. “yeah, i feed you, you feed him,” seokjin responds, back to yoongi. “change his water while you are at it. we haven’t done that last night.”

  and there- there are so many questions. but whether this is a dream or yoongi is not in his right state of mind, or seokjin is running some kind of joke- it doesn’t matter. whatever it was, yoongi is not going to be caught slacking.

  he puts holly down and hopes for the best. “yah, holly. you wanna eat?”

  holly, thankfully, starts jumping excitedly. yoongi nudges him a little with his leg and he happily leads the way to the corner behind the bookcase where his two bowls are stationed. 

  which brings up another issue. the bowls are, obviously, empty. and there’s no dog food anywhere to see.

  “uhm-“ he clears his throat. seokjin is currently frying something and it smells delicious but it also forces yoongi to speak louder so that he can be fully heard. “i think you are out of his food,” he settles on saying.

  seokjin turns around, a spatula in one of his hands and honestly, yoongi feels positively threatened. “dude, what the hell. it literally came in the mail three days ago. you talked to the delivery guy.”

  now it’s clear. seokjin is bamboozling yoongi. and yoongi still vividly remembers that time when he and seokjin graduated and still rented a place together- when seokjin woke yoongi up in the middle of the night and tried to convince him that jimin had given yoongi a sandwich with maggots inside. it was 3 am and yoongi believed him. he almost threw up that night.

  he is not letting it happen again. 

  “dude, i bet you now,” he responds, voice dripping with sarcasm. it only gets more and more confusing as they go. seokjin has never called him dude. yoongi has never done that, either. “holly is out of food.”

  seokjin frowns at him, clearly perplexed. which makes yoongi, in turn, feel perplexed too. seokjin is that good of an actor, that is true. but yoongi knows him too well.

  and, in the end, he just needs seokjin to show him where the food is. holly is about to start whining. yoongi can’t even look into his eyes anymore.

  “why are you trying to gaslight me now.”

  yoongi scoffs. “‘m not. there’s no food. go and check if you don’t believe me.”

  seokjin turns back to the stove. “oh, i will,” he hisses, turning it off. “just give him fresh water, yoongichi. and stop with the bullshit. i’m too smart for that.”

  “yeah, whatever,” yoongi breathes as seokjin exits the room. he bends forward, takes the designated water bowl into his hands. “see, this is how you get your food, little one,” he says to the dog. 

  yoongi makes it to the kitchen, holly trailing behind him. “i told you we have it!” seokjin yells from the hall. yoongi hums under his breath, eyes following him. dog food is in the bottom drawer in the hall. noted.  

  he turns the tap on, starts washing the bowl a little bit. “guess you were right, huh.”

  seokjin approaches him, ceremoniously flopping the bag of food onto the counter. he stares at yoongi, corners of his lips curled up. “hey,” he murmurs, bumping their shoulders together and startling yoongi. “you are being annoying.”

  and it’s- it’s weird. the tone of seokjin’s voice, low and playful. it’s weird- the way he crowds into yoongi’s space a little. it’s weird.

  filling up a bowl shouldn’t be taking this long.

  “i’m not,” he whispers back, lower lip jutting out unconsciously. 

  seokjin laughs at that, head thrown back. “are too,” he says and yoongi really hopes that would be it. because it’s weird, the tone, the proximity. and what is really the point of this joke, anyway-

  seokjin presses his thumb on yoongi’s bottom lip, pushing it back. “cute,” he says, rolls his eyes. “but the water is overflowing.” he gives a gentle squeeze to yoongi’s hip before he leaves. “i’m taking a nap. don’t bother me, please.”

  “i wouldn’t- i wouldn’t dare,” yoongi rasps out. “i wouldn’t care. i don’t.”

  if this is a prank then seokjin really outdid himself this time.

  because it feels too real. first of all, the flat has some things yoongi recognises belong to seokjin. in the bathroom, yoongi finds the face wash seokjin has been using for ages. on the rack in one of the wardrobes in the hall (yes, yoongi searched the flat thoroughly) there’s this expensive ass jacket seokjin bought after his first ever main lead in a drama (a horrendous piece of show if you were to ask yoongi).

  so- it’s an amazingly played out prank, yoongi has to admit that. 

  because he can see some of his own things, too. like more of his silly little mugs. like his favourite set of fluffy christmas socks.

  like- and this is where yoongi gets a little bit speechless- like, there is a whole room yoongi ventures into. a whole room that looks like a studio out of yoongi’s dreams. not as professional as he has at work, but still great.

  and, really, once he is inside he kind of forgets about everything. investigation stops and he huddles himself up in the extremely comfortable chair.

  he turns on the computer that is situated on the desk but it’s secured by a password. yoongi gives it a few tries with no success. even seokjin is ugly doesn’t work. he gives up.

  but it makes him think- where the hell his phone might be. surely, it has to be somewhere. yoongi always has it on himself. tentatively, he walks back into the room he woke up in, feeling relieved when he doesn’t spot seokjin on the bed. he does spot his phone, though, laying on the bedside table, charging.

  there are a few weird things from the start. for one- there’s a picture of holly on his lock screen. second - it reads 13th of may, saturday. which is. understandable. as yesterday was the 12th. friday. right.

  right.

  yoongi unlocks the device and there’s a different picture put as a home screen this time- a picture of him, seokjin, taehyung, namjoon, jimin, and hoseok all smiling. taehyung, hoseok, and seokjin are beaming, their faces red. they are standing somewhere outside, probably a bar. jimin has his arms wrapped around hoseok and taehyung, namjoon is giving the camera a peace sign.

  and yoongi and seokjin- they are close. they are close and yoongi is back hugging seokjin, his head barely poking out from behind his wide shoulder.

  yoongi assumes jeongguk is the one taking the photo which is kind of weird because one- the perspective is fucked up so badly he had to be extremely drunk- and two- why would seokjin put a photo of them as yoongi’s home screen and not include jeongguk. their kid. 

 he does the only thing that seems reasonable- he opens the photos gallery. because if, somehow, seokjin is pulling this stunt, then yoongi’s camera roll should have a few pictures that would sell this story to yoongi. right.

  right.

  but- but there are three thousand pictures in the camera roll. yoongi scrolls through them, gaping. and there are- he and their little friend group, at least a few hundred pictures of holly, yoongi in front of music equipment, countless pages of notes and lyrics. seokjin, there’s so much seokjin too, and- holy shit is that psy???

  why does yoongi have a picture with psy? and why is his hair so long in it? it can’t be-

  he makes a beeline for the body-length mirror. there’s an unsettling feeling making itself comfortable in the pit of his stomach, making him almost scared to look at his own face. he starts from the bottom- his legs are as skinny and pale as they have always been. there’s a bruise on his left knee and it’s not surprising at all. he has always been easy to bruise. and the pink t-shirt, it’s huge and yoongi can’t recall ever owning something in a similar shade. and it’s huge, wide enough to be slipping from one of his shoulders. 

  and there is yoongi’s face which is- oh.

  oh.

  mostly- mostly he looks the same. here are his small eyes, his button nose, and full lips. it’s all here. but- but there’s less fat on his face, jawline, and cheekbones more prominent than ever.

  and his hair- and it might be what ends up making him spiral into trepidation- his hair is long and black, and it curls at the bottom of his neck making yoongi think pretty before he gasps and stumbles back onto the bed.

  it can’t be- nothing makes any sense.

  yoongi must have smoked the same shit jimin did last time. this is what makes sense. jeongguk must have convinced him. yoongi can’t say no to any of his friends but he chiefly can’t say no to jeongguk.

  a notification pops up on his phone and he blinks. he is high, this is the answer. obviously. he is having some weird desalination now. right. right. it’s not real, whatever happens here, it is not real life. there’s nothing to be scared of.

  he pulls the phone up to his face, unlocking it. it’s a reminder of an event. 

coffee with the lovebirds TT

may 13, 5 pm

  right. right. yoongi is not losing his mind. this- this whole thing- it’s not real and he has to think collectively about it. he can do it.

  one, coffee- yoongi can do coffee, yoongi likes coffee. one less issue to worry about. secondly, today is may 13. amazing. thirdly, looking down at the phone tells him that it’s only 3.48 now. great, he has time. finally, yoongi knows only one pair of lovebirds, and there were many traces of them in his camera roll too. which means- they exist.

  so, he is going to go and have a coffee with taehyung and jimin. no big deal. nothing to lose his mind over. it’s all a fantasy.

  but then again- what the fuck is yoongi even imagining? he is here in this weird bedroom in a flat that clearly has to belong to seokjin, right? because seokjin is moving comfortably around here, and he has a dog- a dog that adores yoongi. and seokjin’s things are here, too. so it must be his space.

  but seokjin went to take a nap and he is not here with yoongi, and neither is he on the sofa in the living room. when yoongi left this room, there were three more pairs of doors- one turned out to be the bathroom, and the second was this weird studio kind of thing.

  and seokjin- he is not here because he is sleeping in his own bedroom now, right. right. which means that yoongi is in his guest bedroom, staying over. and that would explain two toothbrushes in the bathroom, which would explain some of yoongi’s things he noticed scattered around the apartment.

  that explains a lot but it doesn’t explain one significant thing. which is- why are yoongi’s favourite mugs here? it doesn’t make any sense. it doesn’t make any sense because yoongi adores his favourite mugs and he takes care of them. he doesn't even allow anyone to drink from them. they are his favourite mugs. why would they be at seokjin’s place. 

  unless-

  unless yoongi and seokjin are living together.

  again.

  and this- this doesn’t make any sense either. and it can’t be true. and it makes yoongi snort because, “what the fuck.” and his head shakes repeatedly.

  it’s all jeongguk’s fault. jimin has probably tried to warn him but yoongi wouldn’t listen. he should have listened to jimin, this once. 

  he goes back to the calendar alert because if he is going to make it then he needs to know where to make it. he opens the app and is about to click on the event but the top left corner catches his eye. the year.

  it doesn’t match.

  it’s moved forward. by three years.

  that’s- wow. yoongi is really losing his mind, isn’t he.

  but- hoseok said jimin had lost his mind that one time too. that they went and cuddled for five hours because jimin wouldn’t stop saying weird things. so, and the conclusion is simple, yoongi is cuddling with hoseok right now. right.

  “-yoon?”

  yoongi startles, the phone dropping from his hands and softly landing on the bedding. seokjin is there, leaning sleepily on the door frame, his arms crossed in front of his chest. he yawns twice, not bothering to hide it behind his palm. “hyung?”

  holly paddles from the hall, steps chirpy as he jumps onto the bed and settles on his stomach next to yoongi’s thigh. his hand unconsciously moves to the side, petting the dog. “you look like you’ve just seen a ghost.”

  maybe he did, yoongi reasons. he is going crazy. “nah, that’s just what your face does to a person,” he tries to joke but it fails flatly. and it shouldn’t- he and seokjin joke like that all the time. seokjin has been jokingly flirting with yoongi for eight years. this is their humour and it shouldn't-

  barely awake seokjin, with eyes still half closed, cheeks puffy, and hair ruffled- barely awake seokjin shouldn’t blush. “shut up.”

  he is not looking back at yoongi, head turned down. but his lips twitch and yoongi has no idea what is going on. “so,” he clears his throat, “there’s like… the coffee. in an hour.”

  if this is only yoongi and jimin and taehyung event then yoongi might be fucked. again, just like it’s holly’s food, he can only rely on seokjin here. on blushing seokjin who straightens up upon hearing yoongi’s words, eyes blinking in his usual manner. “i know. leaving in thirty?” he asks. 

  he asks as it’s something he has done before, repeatedly. and even back in grad school- it was never like that. and maybe, surely, yoongi should look into why this is what his head conjures up when he loses his mind. he should do that, definitely.

  but it’s not going to help him now. nothing can help him now. and this seokjin- he is not real. yoongi’s mind made him up. and if this is a prank, somehow, then yoongi is not having it. he is not having the anxiety that has been pooling at the bottom of his stomach. “yeah, t-thirty is fine,” yoongi stutters, nods. “but- but i actually have a question.”

  seokjin’s expression changes into a serious one within a second. and this is how yoongi knows he can trust him. he has always trusted him. seokjin might joke a lot, and he might seem lighthearted and brash sometimes. 

  “of course.”

  but seokjin knows boundaries, seokjin respects boundaries. seokjin is a good and kind person. he has a big heart he hides deep in his chest in hope that no one is going to take it out and rip it apart.

  he and yoongi, they are similar in that way. have always been.

  “‘m just…” he starts, not quite sure how to bring it up. “i’m just feeling very weird, i guess. so i just- just wanted to make sure. that you are not plotting anything or something,” he chuckles awkwardly.

  there’s confusion on seokjin’s face. there’s worry there, too. yoongi can’t look at him.

  “what do you mean by that,” he asks and it's soft soft soft. and it’s not often that you get to see this side of seokjin, not often at all. “it’s like- yoongichi, what is going on.”

  yoongi draws his eyebrows together, scratches holly’s back a little too hard, anxious. “like- like there’s no joke going on right now, right. ‘cause i’m just- i’m just not in the right mindset for pranks and stuff like that, y’know. i’m just… please if there is one then- then tell me. please.”

  seokjin shakes his head once, slowly. “no. i’m… yoongi,” he answers and it’s pleading, the way in which he pronounces yoongi’s name. “no. no. what is going- are you okay?”

  “i’m fine,” yoongi shrugs even though he knows seokjin is not going to believe him. seokjin didn't believe him back then either, saw right through yoongi’s bullshit and kept making those silly little smoothies in the morning. “but can you- just tell me there’s nothing shady going on, okay.”

  “there’s nothing going on,” seokjin confirms in a serious voice. “on my side. but if there’s something bad going on your side and you can’t handle it, i trust you to ask me for help. okay. i’m here for you. always.”

  should one be getting this emotional while high? “i’m- of course, hyung, of course. i’m here for you too.”

  “i know,” seokjin smiles and, just like that, it’s over. they are back to being what yoongi knows the best and away from this weird mood that they seem to fall into sometimes. “now, if you’d like to appreciate me, i would love to get a cup of your tea. please go do your acts of service thing.”

  yeah, yoongi can make seokjin tea. he is the best at it.

  “sure.”

  “and-“ and then seokjin trails his eyes all the way from the tips of yoongi’s toes to the top of his head. “-you know i love you in my clothes,” he hums (appreciatively???), eyes not leaving yoongi, ”but you gotta change. you know how taehyung is about his coffee dates.”

  yoongi chokes on his saliva. “i’m- i- yes. sure.”

  “great!” seokjin exclaims, chirpy. and just like that, and with a flying kiss sent in yoongi’s direction, just like that he turns around. “holly-yah! come take a shower with me. i need someone to talk to.”

  and holly follows. 

  because he is seokjin’s dog, right.

  right.

  it’s not an evocation- it’s a nightmare. 

  yoongi gets pulled into an expensive car, wearing clothes that don’t look that expensive but one look at the tags proves him otherwise. he gets pulled into this car, barely getting away with convincing seokjin to drive. which, if it wasn't some kind of dream yoongi is having, would surely make seokjin feel like yoongi lost his goddamn mind.

  which he didn’t. it's just somewhere else right now.

  there are many reasons why this whole situation is a nightmare rather than a dream. for once- yoongi unlocks his phone again only to find an unholy amount of shirtless seokjin pictures. for twice- the music seokjin turns up in the car is straight up his alley and when he comments about some of them being the latest releases of his favourite artists, then it becomes an issue. because seokjin always annoys yoongi with links to new songs of artists he is a fan of. and because yoongi always complains but he also always gives it a listen. and this- these are not the latest songs he remembers the artists releasing. 

  and when yoongi thinks things can’t really go any worse, he is- well, he actually halts in his steps and seokjin almost trips over him. all because where yoongi expected taehyung and jimin to be sitting, all lovey-dovey just like they always do - there he got taehyung sitting with hoseok, yoongi’s life partner, and kissing him. 

  “dude,” seokjin huffs, his arms on yoongi’s shoulders and trying to gain his balance back. “move your ass.”

  “f-fuck you,” yoongi stutters. because he feels bewildered and this is a dream, a fucking nightmare. “fuck you. what the fuck.”

  “yah, we are here,” seokjin announces, bypasses yoongi, and takes his hand into his own, pulling him forward. yoongi stumbles after him.

  “hyungs!” taehyung exclaims, letting go of hoseok’s face. their hands stay intertwined together and all of that, in addition to two steaming cups of coffee placed in front of them- all of that, it makes yoongi want to throw up.

  it’s just- it’s not right. it’s not yoongi’s world, not his reality. he doesn’t know it.

  what he knows- what he knows is jimin bumping into taehyung at the party, taehyung running around after him for a whole two weeks before finally finding him in the poli-sci building. what yoongi knows is taehyung writing poems and begging jimin for a date, jimin rejecting him only to see how far he is capable of going. 

  this is what yoongi knows. taehyung and jimin. he knows them being reckless enough to decide to teach jeongguk how to kiss, pretending they don’t want to kiss each other instead. yoongi knows them, graduating together and being anxious about getting a place together, fighting over it, only to end up back in each other’s arms. 

  yoongi knows jimin and taehyung, and their apartment, and their shitty oven that is not as bad as jeongguk makes it out to be.

  and yoongi- yoongi knows hoseok too, he knows him very well.

  so what the fuck is he doing here. 

  “hi,” hoseok greets them, his grin wide. yoongi sends him a close-lipped stretched smile in response.

  again, it only gets more confusing as they keep going. hoseok’s clothes are something he would usually wear and his jacket is ordinarily obscure. his nails are painted blue in the way he likes them painted. but it's the hair again. it’s blonde. 

  two years ago, hoseok and seokjin decided that hoseok doesn’t have to go to an overpriced hairdresser when seokjin can bleach his hair perfectly for him- it was a way of teasing jimin, somehow, yoongi doesn't even remember anymore. two years ago, hoseok swore off that he is never going to allow anyone to touch his hair ever again.

  “you should bring holly next time,” hoseok smiles. and other than the hair, other than kissing a guy yoongi knows as someone dating someone else, other than that he is still the same guy yoongi is platonically in love with. “i miss this little guy.”

  “holly is in his revolt era. he barks at everyone who makes a wrong face at him,” seokjin rolls his eyes. “hey, i’m gonna go order.”

  yoongi turns to look at him, shredding off his jacket and walking away in the direction of the bar. so yoongi does the same, obviously. he has no jacket to get out of so he follows him wordlessly.

  “hyung?” taehyung asks. “where are you going.”

  yoongi stops and makes a face before he finally turns around. “to order?”

  “seokjin hyung will order for you, won’t he.” hoseok frowns, confusion swimming in his eyes. “he always does it.”

  figuring it will only make it more blatant, yoongi sits down on an armchair across from hoseok and taehyung- a couple. “but… i don’t want him to pay for me?”

  they snort as if they find yoongi’s words amusing. “is this another argument you two are having?” hoseok quips. yoongi doesn’t find it funny at all. “who can spend more money on the other?”

  “i’m- no. what the fuck.”

  “oh my god, i remember when they made a week-long challenge to see who holly spends more time with,” taehyung gasps. and it’s- yoongi doesn’t know holly. he has never challenged seokjin for something like that.

  nothing makes sense. his friends- they look like changed people, not strangers but not the people yoongi hangs out with every friday. they have the same laughs but different hairstyles. they are dating different people.

  staggered, this is how yoongi feels. it clearly is a nightmare. 

  so it’s important to make sure that he remembers- remembers that this is not real. and if it’s not real, then- then there are no real consequences. 

  “where is your nostril,” yoongi starts, pointing at taehyung, the tone of voice completely displaced. “and why is your hair black, and- is that perm?” 

  taehyung and hoseok gape at him. “hyung-“

  “don’t hyung me here. nothing makes sense. why are you two behaving like that.”

  “like what.”

  “like-“ yoongi looks around. seokjin is leaning over the counter, joking with one of the baristas. from this perspective not only is his hair longer, but his body is also different too. not as lanky as it used to be. still lean, still skinny; but- different. “like… like i’ve lost a few years in a day. like you are the same people but i don’t know you anymore-“

  “-geez, they made my latte on regular milk and then had to remake it. but it turned out they were out of almond so i had to pick something else but i can’t just pick randomly. and this guy gave me a whole tasting- did you know that rice milk is the best thing in the universe…” jimin strolls in their direction, hands cupped around a big mug. “oh, hi hyung,” he smiles at yoongi. “anyway, don’t ever leave me alone. he kept staring at my ass and i had to spell it out to him that i’m taken.”

  hoseok grins at him. “well, it’s a great ass.”

  taehyung rolls his eyes. “he knows that, you say it at least twice a day.”

  “and he should be saying it more. definitely.”

  yoongi is- perplexed. again. what the fuck is jimin doing here. and why is he talking to his ex and his new boyfriend about his ass. and, most importantly, why he sits down next to the two of them, smooching them both on their cheeks before finally settling in. 

  and oh, yoongi thinks. oh.

  this is a really fucked up reality. 

  “so-“ he clears his throat, tries to start all over again. “how is the- how is the relationship going.” he gestures with his hands. he has no idea what he is doing with his hands. 

  jimin looks at him weirdly, almost bewitched. “doing great,” he responds, one hand pushing his gray (???) hair away from his face. “never as good as yours, though.”

  yoongi squints. jimin is taunting him, isn’t it. he always does that. he is taunting him. “my relationship.”

  yoongi can’t tell what jimin is doing. he can’t tell what anyone is doing anymore.

  “the barista is very… questionable.” seokjin comes back, puts a cup of iced americano right in front of yoongi’s face. “good thing you didn’t go there, yoongi-yah. he would have loved your ass.”

  “my relationship,” yoongi repeats. “what the fuck.” 

  “hyung…” hoseok starts, taking a sip of his cappuccino. “you are really weird. is the psy collab not going well?”

  “psy collab,” yoongi deadpans, staring into the distance. “no, it’s going great. i have a pic with him, do you wanna see.”

  they squeak, “of course!” so yoongi shows them the photo. psy collab. of course.

  “wow, he’s like an icon.”

  “i would honestly dump your two asses for a convo with him,” taehyung admits dreamily. “just look at him.”

  “i mean, i get it. i get it.”

  “uhm, yoon,” seokjin whispers while their friends are still focused on the picture on yoongi’’s phone. “you have- here.” he squints, trying to see better. thoughtlessly, he swipes his thumb over yoongi’s top lip, stares straight into his eyes the entire time, his gaze not wavering. “here. got cream on your mouth. all good now.”

  perplexed is not enough of a word to describe yoongi’s confusion now. “i- i’m drinking americano.”

  there’s no cream in americano.

  “i know, just wanted the excuse,” seokjin laughs deeply. as if it is amusing. as if it is normal. 

  “an excuse.”

  “yeah,” he confirms. “you just… you look really pretty today.”

  yoongi stares at him, dazed. “oh.” he really doesn’t know what to do, how to cope with seokjin calling him pretty in a voice like this. “well, you look ugly. terribly.”

 seokjin laughs but it’s not the laughter yoongi has been expecting. he closes his eyes and chuckles, everything soft soft soft. “god, i love you.”

  yoongi blinks, once, twice, before opening his mouth.

  “that’s- that’s very words of affirmation of you.”

  yoongi is losing his mind. he lost his mind.

  “you don’t do words of affirmation,” he continues. we don’t do words of affirmation.

  seokjin tsks, head cocking to the side. somehow, yoongi feels like they have had this conversation a thousand times before. somehow, he is more and more sure that this dynamic that he and seokjin are having here, in this nightmare, is drastically different from what he is used to.

  “ah, sweetheart,” seokjin smiles. “for you i’d do anything.”

  yoongi jabs his arm. he is getting red. he shouldn’t be getting red. he got used to it, to the teasingly flirtatious comments, he had eight years to get used to it.

   “hyung, you really are being weird today,” jimin comments. “are you alright?”

  yoongi shrugs because what else is he supposed to do at this point. “i’m daydreaming, i think. it’s all jeongguk’s fault probably.”

  “well,” jimin pursues his lips, hesitating. “i’m glad you are making new friends. just make sure they are not a bad influence. we need you alive to gossip about psy- oh, namjoon hyung needs to see this picture, he is going to lose his mind.”

  “where is- where is joon, by the way.”

  “yoon,” seokjin looks at him weirdly. “he is at the conference. at berkeley.”

  “oh.” yoongi nods. “good for him. great for him.”

  yoongi tenses, feels seokjin’s eyes following his movements. and it’s a dream, right. right. there are no consequences. he shouldn’t feel like there are any.

  but he feels like there will be, even before seokjin opens his mouth to ask, “yoongi, what colour is joon’s hair.”

  “what kind of question is that even.” he frowns. “joon’s hair is always black.”

  “oh.”

  seokjin blinks and, for the first time, it feels like it is him who just saw a ghost. he pulls his chair back, scratches the floor. “guys, uhm- me and yoongi gotta get going now. holly has problems with his paw and we don’t want him to be himself for too long.”

  “oh, that’s okay.” taehyung waves his hand. “maybe we could come to your place next time. you got that sick coffee machine anyway.”

  “yeah, sure.” seokjin smiles and it’s strained, nothing like the smiles he was sending yoongi a few minutes ago. “yoongi, come on.”

  “uhm, yeah. sure.” he gets up, not caring about his unfinished coffee. “see ya guys.”

  they barely make it out of the door before seokjin takes a hold of yoongi’s elbow and pulls him forward. “something is really wrong. we are getting home and we are talking about it.”

  “uhm- okay,” yoongi agrees, letting himself be pulled. “but you have to promise to believe me.”

  the make it to the car, seokjin opens the door for him. “at this point, i would believe anything. nothing makes sense anymore.”

  yoongi wants to say that he is not going to help him make sense of anything because yoongi doesn’t know anything. he lost his mind. but he refrains, coming to the conclusion that it is not a conversation they should be having whilst one of them is driving. he just wants to get home and solve everything.

  “few questions,” seokjin says when they stop at a red light. “few questions, short answers. no explanations, okay. i gotta see where we are.”

  “okay,” yoongi agrees, eyeing the way seokjin’s body stays taut. “okay.”

  “first question,” seokjin breathes, making a turn. “how long have we had holly.”

  “he is- he is not yours?”

  seokjin’s body tenses even more. “what is hoseok doing right now. for work.”

  “teaching dance classes.”

  “when did namjoon get his phd.”

  “he has it?.”

  “that’s- what- when have taehyung, jimin, and hoseok started dating.”

  “i never-uhm… i never knew they were dating.”

  “okay. okay,” seokjin repeats. “i’m not freaking out. i’m not freaking out.” he is freaking out and it makes yoongi freak out too, it always did. “last question, okay. yoongi- w-what, yoongi what year do we have now.”

  “2023,” yoongi answers, doubtless. “2023, may 13th.”

  “oh, fucking hell.” seokjin is panicking, yoongi can’t have him panicking. this is a nightmare- no one should be panicking. “shit, yoon. 2023 was three years ago. shit.”

  “it’s either me or you who is going crazy.”

  yoongi is standing in the living room, the wine-coloured couch and kitchen island dividing him and seokjin apart. yoongi is standing in the living room, holly at his feet, excited to see him. that’s where yoongi is standing, in the living room-

  “you live here,” seokjin breaks the silence. “you live here, y’know.”

  “no.” he shakes his head. “no. this is a dream. it’s not real. you are not real.”

  “you live here,” seokjin insists. his shoulders are hitched up all the way to his ears, the fingers of his hands fidgeting. “with me and with holly.”

  and that’s- something yoongi has been suspecting. the confirmation still knocks the breath out of him.

  “yoongi-“ seokjin exhales. “whatever you are going to say, i am going to believe you, okay. but i need you to believe me too. when i say that i’m real. that this-“ he gestures at the space around them, “-this is real.”

  “but, hyung…” yoongi mumbles. “hyung, i am so confused.” he looks around, looks at the expensive coffee machine, looks at the numerous plants in the living room. he looks at holly- sweet sweet holly who stares at him as if he holds all the stars in the universe. “this- this is not mine. and you- you are not my seokjin. not the one i know,” he goes on. “and this reality- hobi- hobi and taehyung and jimin… they- taehyung and jimin have always been so in love with each other.”

  “i know.”

  “and-“ yoongi’s voice breaks, “-and joon is at fucking berkely? and you- we have a dog? together?”

  “you are not my yoongi either,” seokjin confesses, eyes down on the kitchen counter. “you’ve been- you have been so weird today.”

  “but you are- you have been so weird, too,” yoongi breathes. there are so many things that don’t make sense. so many things yoongi can’t make anything out of. “you look at me weirdly and you say weird things and we- us- there’s no way… we have never changed like that throughout three years before.”

  “yoon,” seokjin breathes and yoongi inhales. he can feel it, he can feel something coming before seokjin even opens his mouth. his eyes seem tired, they seem a bit sad too, maybe dejected. “yoongichi, you and me- we have been dating for a year and a half.”

  no.

  “no,” yoongi exhales, unconsciously taking a step back. “no. there’s- no.”

  seokjin smiles, close-mouthed but the corners of his lips never change their position, they never tilt up. he turns around, opens the fridge. “come here,” he says finally, starts taking out food. 

  “what are you- what are you doing.”

  seokjin hums, he stays turned away from yoongi, giving him his back. “i’m stress rice-cooking,” he responds, voice wavering.

  “stress rice-cooking.”

  “yes.” he opens a cupboard, takes a package of rice out. “and you, come here, you will be stress meat-cooking,” he explains as yoongi continues staring at his back. “we have always talked best when we don’t have to look at each other.”

  and this- this is true. neither of them has ever been good at it, at looking into people’s eyes. so they barely looked into each other’s, especially when the matters they were discussing were important. “okay. okay.”

  “okay.” seokjin nods.

  yoongi approaches him slowly and holly doesn’t trail after him this time. he goes for the fridge first, takes out the meat he finds there. “but-uhm. the knife and the chopping board….”

  yoongi doesn’t look at him, doesn’t dare to, but the sounds of seokjin moving around stop. “you don’t know where- right,” he clears his throat. “right.”

  “i’m sorry.”

  “no, there’s- there’s nothing to apologise for.”

  “i feel like there is.” seokjin supplies yoongi with the chopping board, shows him where the knives are, and wordlessly, he starts preparing the meet. it doesn’t really catch up to him- all of that. “so… we are like- a couple?”

  yoongi doesn’t want seokjin to look at him like that, he doesn’t want him to send him strained and blue smiles. and even if he is frightened himself, even if he is absolutely fretful- despite all of that- he can’t let seokjin feel this way.

  “yeah, we are.”

  “that’s- that’s sick, yeah,” yoongi nods. “sick. so you are like- in love with me, right.”

  “right.”

  “and i am like- in love with you.”

  finally, seokjin lets out a chuckle. “yeah, i’d like to think so.”

  that’s- yeah, yoongi has no questions, really. “college yoongi is fighting for his life right now,” he quips flatly. “he would get a cardiac attack.”

  “yeah, he would,” seokjin agrees as the sound of him washing the rice resumes. “but college yoongi was kind of… emotionally immature.”

  and it’s true, there’s really no way of denying it. “well, college seokjin was really… he was really close to yoongi’s level, too.”

  “we were wild, weren’t we.”

  in the silence that follows, yoongi gets flooded with innumerable amount of thoughts. or perhaps only one. what the hell is he doing here.

   even if assumed this is not a vision, not a nightmare, it still is something. yoongi is an imposter in a reality he is not supposed to be a part of. a reality where he has a boyfriend and a dog, the same group of friends, and expensive clothes. in a reality where he makes songs for psy, and his apartment is-

  “wait,” his voice cuts through the silence, “there are two bedrooms here- we don’t share a bedroom. this doesn’t make any sense. and you call me yoon, and… and dude. why would you call someone you are in love with dude.”

  “that’s…” seokjin tilts his head to the side. yoongi can sense him moving around the kitchen, he hears the rice cooker being turned on. “that’s like a joke we have.”

  “a joke.”

  “yeah, a joke,” seokjin says, sounding almost amused. for him, it probably brings old memories back. for yoongi, these are things he has no recollection of. “when we confessed- i kind of told you we have to wait a few weeks ‘cause that was what was left for our anniversary of knowing each other for ten years.”

 yoongi turns, still tentative, so that he can look at seokjin. seokjin, who is leaning against the counter now, eyes casted downwards and a little, just a tiny, smile on his face. and oh, there are tears rounding up in yoongi’s eyes.

 “so i thought that would be sick, right. if we would have started dating on our tenth anniversary. so i told you this and you- you swat me at the chest and said- ‘dude, you are fucking crazy’. and i said- ‘yeah, dude, crazy over you’. and then you told me to leave you the fuck alone and i sent you a flying kiss and said- ‘see ya later, yoongichi, my dear dude’, and you blushed. and i thought wow- wow, i have officially lost my mind for a man.”

  that’s- that’s something seokjin would do. he would so do that. “oh my god. we really are dating.”

  he is dating seokjin- yoongi is dating seokjin. he and seokjin are boyfriends. they live together, they are parents to a dog. together. 

  yoongi from this reality is in love with seokjin. and seokjin is in love with him. they share an apartment. they probably kiss, they probably make out. they probably fuck. 

  what the fuck.

  “and the bedrooms…”

  “do you think our introverted asses would have made it if we were to see each other all the time?” seokjin grimaces, lips forming a pout. “please, we would have started hating each other. we would have killed each other.”

  “that’s- yeah, that’s very smart,” yoongi agrees. “so we are together. in love,” he summarises. yeah, all of that makes perfect sense. absolutely. “or, you and your yoongi- you are in love. you share an apartment and sleep in different rooms when you want to get some time for ourselves. and i-“ he points at himself, “-i woke up today in your yoongi’s bedroom. because there is your yoongi and there’s my seokjin, and we- here we are not each other’s yoongi and seokjin,” he concludes. “fucking hell, don’t tell me we are getting married, too.”

  “no,” seokjin hums lightheartedly. “no, you still don’t believe in the institution of marriage. and i don’t really care.”

  whether it is a nightmare or anything else- this is not yoongi’s place to be. he has his life and he has his friends and he doesn’t have seokjin like that. “okay, good. good.” and this- this just doesn’t make any sense, and he just wants it to do. make sense. how much longer is this going to take. “it all started when i woke up,” yoongi reasons. “and it had to be triggered by something, right. right.”

  or maybe yoongi just travelled in time.

  it would make sense- the year is different after all. it would make sense, but at the same time, it doesn’t at all.

  seokjin gives him a look and it’s so obvious, so obvious that he is not yoongi’s seokjin but he still is someone yoongi has known for eight years of his life. it’s obvious, all of that- but it’s also obvious that yoongi is drawing conclusions from nothing right now. and seokjin knows that. and he does know yoongi.

  so he plays along.

  “right. it has to be it.”

  yoongi nods. “yeah, so- what was i- your yoongi… what was he doing yesterday.”

  “riding my-“

  “no. shut up.”

  yoongi almost fails to stop the wince from appearing on his face. but seokjin, he chuckles yet again. “i’m sorry,” he gnaws at his bottom lip, arms crossed in front of his chest, hugging himself. seeking comfort. “i’m sorry. i’m really anxious right now.”

  yoongi manages to stop the wince from appearing on his face but his lips twitch. and maybe that’s what they should be doing- the one thing they are the best at. “hyung-“ he starts but pauses right after. it doesn’t feel right on his tongue. this is not his seokjin. this is someone else’s seokjin. “seokjin,” he settles on saying. “let’s- let’s both describe what we were doing yesterday, okay. be as dramatic about it as you can be. whatever it is that comes to your mind- tell me.”

  “yeah, okay.”

  “channel your inner drama queen. we need her right now.”

  this is the first proper smile yoongi gets and it starts right from seokjin’s eyes, relaxing his features. it’s good. yoongi wants to figure this shit out but he also wants to stop seokjin from feeling troubled. “so, we woke up together, and you- no, my yoongi- he called me the ugliest person in the universe, and we spent like two hours making out ‘cause he would not shut up... we had breakfast and holly kept whining about his paw. you- he put on this ridiculous jacket he got from someone at work and he left for a meeting. i didn’t have meetings until later in the afternoon so i went for a walk and there was, in a bookstore- there was a book with the ugliest cover i have ever seen. so i bought it for you only to see your revulsed face. then after i paid i got recognised by someone- so then i had to kind of run ‘cause they chased me. but they weren’t chasing me. they kept shouting- ‘isn’t that august d’s boyfriend?!’- so i stopped because what the fuck, how can they know me as someone else’s boyfriend? i did the biggest drama last year, my new one is coming in two months. and they called me your boyfriend!”

  yoongi, he adores seokjin and his antics, he really does.

  “okay, go on. c’mon. we got it.”

  “it pissed me off so i started uploading unfavourable pictures of you- him- on my twitter with petty captions. and yoongi did the same, he started uploading ugly pictures of me except they weren’t ugly but he likes to call them that. we started trending on twitter so he was like ‘let’s promote my boyfriend’s drama’, and he shared pictures from the set of the drama i have finished filming for like a week ago,” seokjin continues, voice a bit chirpy now- and it makes yoongi’s heart skip a bit, just one.

  this seokjin- the seokjin who has given his heart to yoongi fully- this seokjin seems to have his mood lit up whenever he can complain about yoongi. and this, yoongi supposes, this is something he knows very well, something they are really good at.

  yoongi and seokjin, they have made a lot of things work. they worked well as roommates, they are making it work as close friends. and listening to this seokjin talking about his yoongi-

  the feelings part, yoongi doesn’t understand. but the way they make the relationship work- it’s the least surprising thing in the universe. yoongi and seokjin always make it work, whatever it is.

  “my manager called and told me to stop with the bullshit and i agreed ‘cause i got enough of yoongi’s attention anyway. then joon face-timed me and i tried to calm him down a little, assure him that he was going to rock his panel. i came home, played with holly, and went through this horrendous zoom meeting with my supervisors. then you came home with chicken and we ate and watched some shit on the tv. i gave you the book at you scoffed at me the way you always do when you are trying not to blush. and-“

  “and…” yoongi prompts.

  “do you really want me to say it? i know college yoongi is having a cardiac attack but you might get one as well.”

  “that’s- yeah, let’s give up on that,” he clears his throat, cheeks colouring. this- yoongi doesn’t even want to think about him and seokjin fucking. it sends shivers down his spine, and not the good ones. “did i then- did i say anything weird, out of the ordinary?”

  seokjin, clearly amused by yoongi’s display of apprehension, continues with a lopsided smile on his face. “you are weird.”

  before yoongi can second-think it, he jabs back at him, “it’s your fault and your influence.”

  it makes seokjin smile, even if just for a fleeting moment.

  he sighs, “you are… y’know. you are so different from my yoongi but at the same time it feels like you have not changed at all.”

  “you are not so different either.” yoongi shakes his head. “and i think- i think we are not that different, not really. it’s just… it’s the way we are having each other. it’s different.”

  and it’s true, this is how yoongi feels. because this seokjin- he still talks to animals like they are his best friends, and he still has this tic of blinking repeatedly, and he still says so much shit. this seokjin- he still likes simple clothing, and he still exaggerates and downplays things that are important to him.

  but there’s also less doubt in every step he takes. there was never self-doubt visible in seokjin in the first place, it was hidden so well. but this seokjin- this seokjin seems calmer, more settled in himself.

  “my friday,” yoongi starts, “my friday was as ordinary as they get. i got to work and had to listen to the european edm guy for over an hour. do you know how hard it was to keeps straight face, honestly-“

  “european edm guy? this is where we are at?” seokjin interrupts, eyes opening wide in recognition. “i remember the european edm guy! i’m so glad he is gone, he was such a pain in the ass.”

  “yeah, he is,” yoongi agrees. he shifts from one leg to another, eyes looking out of the windows. “then- y’know the friday get togethers we always have…” he trails off.

  “yeah, of course.” seokjin nods.

  “okay,” he acknowledges. “i really hope we are still having them ‘cause they are, like, my favourites.”

  it was supposed to be a quick passing question. a quick and passing question before yoongi can move on with the story.

  he glances back at seokjin. “we don’t…” he admits, gnawing at his bottom lip. “no one really has time anymore. we are trying to do the coffee dates at least once every few weeks but you saw how they turn out sometimes. most often, there’s at least one of us missing- hey, why are you looking at me like that.”

  this can’t be true.

  yoongi shakes his head once, twice, a big lump suddenly forming in his throat. he shakes his head again, once, twice. seokjin calls for him but yoongi starts repeating his movements- once, twice, and once, twice, and once-

  “you can’t… you can’t,” he chokes out.

  seokjin approaches him swiftly, and it seems, from the way he carefully extends his arms, from the way his thighs almost bump into yoongi's, it seems like his first instinct is to hold onto him tightly. but the next second he is pausing his movements. “hey, yoongichi. come on. please.”

  this is a nightmare. and yoongi can feel his heart dropping to his stomach just like that. this is a nightmare, even if this whole thing is a manifestation of yoongi’s future or whatever time travel shit he has been doing.

  “we grew apart,” he concludes brokenly. “tell me we didn’t.”

  seokjin’s expression is pained. “it’s different. than it used to be.”

  “this is a nightmare.” because it can’t be like this. “we got- we got everything i wanted to have. you had everything you always wanted. how would- how could you let go of it just like that.”

  before yoongi met seokjin, before he met any of his friends- before them, yoongi used to live in a state of constant uncertainty. he would attend his classes and he would do his things, he would do all of that, only to go back to his room, sit on his bed, and hug his chest tightly.

  this was only what he got then- his heart, and his silence, and his longing. the craving to let himself love people and to be loved by them back.

  but then he got the six of them- all of them. and then, then they deliberately built a family together, all even though yoongi struggled to trust anyone so enormously. all even though they all seemed to be a match made in hell.

  and this is what seokjin used to yearn for, too. he would tell yoongi, during the nights when the two of them were too anxious and too troubled to even dream of sleep, he would tell yoongi all about his desire to find people who would work to be in each other’s lives as long as it is possible.

  and that was yoongi and seokjin and something they wanted to have. a family. and they built it- their own family with people who chose to love and be loved.

  and now- now they are struggling to find time for each other.

  the tears sting. 

  what is the most heartbreaking about this whole is not yoongi’s hurt. it's something that has nothing to do with yoongi, and nothing to do with seokjin or any of their friends. it’s-

  “jeongguk-“ yoongi cries out, even though he doesn't want it to come out this way, “-you can’t be doing it to jeongguk. we are- we are all he has. you can’t,” he sniffles, voice rough. “you can’t be doing this to him. you can’t hurt him like that.” 

  jeongguk is a person from whom love pours out. he is so so tender-hearted, and he is so so kind, and so so sweet, so loveable. they can’t be doing this to jeongguk. they can’t be breaking his heart like that.

  the night of yoongi and seokjin’s graduation, jeongguk cried in their arms. he cried and cried and all of them cried too when jeongguk confessed that they are all he wants to have, all he needs to have, forever. 

  he cried, telling them that he loves them so much and that he can’t imagine his future without them. he cried and then- then he whispered that they, at some point, are going to break his heart. because everyone always does it- they take his heart and they leave, eager to pour their love into something else. “but that’s okay, b- because i- i love you so much. and it’s okay, when- when you are going to break my heart it’s going to be okay too. because i love you now. more than i have ever loved anyone else.”

  that night yoongi made a promise. he has known for a while- known that he doesn’t want to let any of them go. they were all cramped in his and seokjin’s dorm for the last time before they would have to move out. there was no space, yoongi couldn’t feel his legs and namjoon’s foot was digging into his stomach.

  that night, yoongi promised that he is going to stay with them for as long as they will want to have him. that night, he promised himself that he is not leaving them but he is especially not leaving jeongguk.

  “we promised him- i promised him,” yoongi croaks out. he flinches when he feels fingers holding onto his elbow, fingers wiping away tears from his cheek. “jeongguk is- he trusted us. he gives us all. he-“

  “yoongi.”

  “hyung, he is our family. our!”

  the worst thing, what hurts yoongi the most- is that this yoongi broke the promise. it’s not even as relatively significant- yoongi growing apart from his family. but breaking jeongguk’s trust, breaking his heart. yoongi wouldn’t be able to forgive himself for it.

  “you can’t- someone has to complain about taehyung and jimin’s oven. he needs someone to listen to his rants about herbs. i need to see his new tattoos and- and joon has to keep giving him that look that screams love and admiration. and jimin- he needs to keep complaining about everything gguk comes up with only to try it out at the end.” yoongi is losing his breath, chest heaving. “you need to get head locked…and hoseok- hoseok needs to cuddle the shit out if him. and-“

  “yoongi, hey.”

  “-and taehyung, t-taehyung… how are he and jeongguk supposed to live without each other. you can’t just-“

  “yoongi-“

  yoongi is spiraling. he doesn’t want to be here anymore. this is a nightmare in its worst form. this is hell.

  “yoongi,” seokjin tries again, more sternly this time. yoongi can barely see him through his tears, he has no idea what he looks like right now. but his grip on yoongi’s arm tightens. “yoongi, who is jeongguk,” he asks. yoongi stays silent. “who is jeongguk. who are you talking about.”

  “what- what do you mean,” yoongi stutters. “jeongguk is- what do you mean.”

  “i mean, i-“ seokjin pauses. he relaxes his grip again, takes a step back, hand no longer on yoongi’s cheek. “i mean, i have no idea who you are talking about.”

  “no. you know.” yoongi laughs once, dryly. “you know. you know. you two do your shit all the time.”

  “yoongi, i don’t-“

  “you let him do whatever he wants to you. and- and you always distract him when he gets overwhelmed. and- once you sprained your wrist because he challenged you to arm wrestling. and- please,” yoongi begs. “please, this can’t be happening.”

  he uses his free hand, tries to wipe his eyes, even though he doesn’t think he is capable of looking at seokjin now. he can’t see that in his eyes.

  “yoon, i’m- i’m sorry. i don’t know who you are talking about.”

  yoongi wails.

  he snatches his hand away, legs backing away from seokjin. far far far away. as far as possible. he can’t- he can’t- it can’t- “no.” he shakes his head. “no,” he repeats, breathless. “no. no. no. no.”

  seokjin takes a step forward. “yoongi-“

  “no!” he turns around, eyes searching around. “no. you know jeongguk, of course you know, silly,” he chuckles, pulls up his phone. “here, let me show you-“ yoongi’s home screen, this is all he needs to prove that seokjin is lying. it’s enough, right. “-here. he took this picture, right. someone had to take this picture.”

  yoongi drops his hand down before seokjin ever answers. “just a random guy, that was just a random guy.”

  there are tears in seokjin’s eyes too, as if seeing yoongi hurting pains him too. and it always did, seokjin was always way too compassionate for his own good. 

  “no, see here. let me- i probably have thousands of pictures of him. he always makes me take pictures of him.”

  “yoongi-“

  “you know jeongguk, okay! you know him. you love him so much, how could you not know him,” he continues, eyes down on the phone. “wait, let me show you his instagram. you gonna see his tattoos and you gonna remember right away. you even designed one of them. you have to-“

  the pictures in yoongi’s gallery- jeongguk is not in a single one of them. his name is not in yoongi’s contacts. the instagram account that is filled with pictures of gym, doe eyes, and random breathtaking photos- that yoongi knows very well- it doesn’t exist.

  “no.”

  yoongi has already mentioned jeongguk today. in the coffee shop. and jimin said-

  “no.”

  i’m glad you are making new friends.

  “no.”

  “i’m sorry.”

  yoongi stumbles onto the couch, immediately crawling to one of the corners. seokjin takes the one across from him. he is fidgeting and yoongi feels his eyes on him and holly is looking at him too. he jumps into his lap when yoongi tries to hug his knees. “it’s not real. this,” he mumbles, voice dry and exhausted, hand pointing between them. “this is not real.”

  “do you- do you maybe want to tell me about him?” seokjin asks and it’s quiet, tentative. he doesn’t move any closer to yoongi. “or do you want me to go for a moment.” he doesn’t move any closer to yoongi. they have known each other for eight years- eleven- and seokjin knows yoongi self-isolates, the same yoongi knows seokjin puts up a front. “i can go.”

  yoongi shakes his head, not looking at him but rather at holly who is sprawled in his lap, probably sensing their distress. “there’s- there’s no point in running away,” he sniffles. “we have to- i have to go back. and you are the only person who can help me.”

  the thought that this is not real, that yoongi can go back to his reality, to his family is the only thing that stops him from completely breaking down. he can come back. he is going to come back. they just have to figure it out.

  “okay,” he breathes once, twice, his voice still shaking. “we can figure it out, r-right. right.”

  “right.”

  “right,” yoongi repeats. “tell me then- tell me how all of you met.”

  seokjin does, he does and yoongi can barely breathe. “me and hobi- friends from high school. you and me- roommates for the last term of undergrad. then- taehyung had this one assignment and asked you to help him improve his songwriting skills. he met jimin at the party and was chasing after him for, like two weeks. they both would sit on our couch and listen to you talk about music even though jimin didn’t give a fuck. he knew hobi from the dancing club. namjoon was working at a subway and he kept messing up taehyung’s orders so he asked hobi to come with him to confront the guy but hoseok said that he was too adorable. instead, he took you to the subway and you and namjoon would spend every lunch break talking.”

  “it wasn’t like that. no- it wasn’t like that,” yoongi whispers quietly. “jeongguk- he asked me to tutor him. and i couldn’t say no, how could i,” he chuckles bitterly, “how could i when his eyes are like that . he and jimin- they were work out buddies. and he- jeongguk called me and you his gay dads once, so jimin got interested, and they would sit on our couch all the time. taehyung took him to the subway and he fell in love with joon.”

  there are so many things in their stories that match. most of them do. but taehyung never asked yoongi for help in songwriting, hell, they hadn’t even known each other at that point. and yoongi- he never visited namjoon at subway. it was a whole joke- them not going there if they don’t want to accidentally get killed.

  but seokjin never got to know jeongguk. jeongguk never sat on his couch and he never stole his food. seokjin never wrestled with jeongguk after losing to him at mario cart. jeongguk never barged into yoongi and this seokjin’s apartment with three cups of boba and an anxious expression on his face.

  so yoongi tells him, tells him about jeongguk and about how amazing he is. about how yoongi- how seokjin too- loves him with his whole body.

  “he seems really lovely,” seokjin whispers some time later when the tears on their faces finally dried. “i can- i can see why you love him. he’s easy to love, isn’t he.”

  yes, of course, yoongi wants to say. all of them, they are so easy to love. 

  yes, of course, he wants to say. that’s why all six of them love him.

 “yes, of course,” he says. “the six of you have always been easy to love for me.”

  he thinks seokjin smiles at that, he probably does. but yoongi frowns, some sound resonating quietly in the background. he tries to focus on that, only to be met with a weird sense of deja vu. “hey, can you hear candy shop-”

  he loses the focus.