Chapter Text
The rapid and rhythmic sounds of clomping hooves worked in perfect synchronicity with the ragged panting of the bearded charger, moving in time to the flexing of the horse’s powerful muscles between Eve’s legs as it galloped. She could feel the mount’s thundering heartbeat and the sweaty heat of its skin through her trousers, and while she would have normally stopped riding a while back, she could not bring herself to care at the moment.
As the Inquisitor rode away from Val Royeaux, the wind whipped across her face and whistled into her ears, but she could not feel or hear it over the pounding of blood in her head and the tumultuous thoughts rampaging through her mind.
Desperate to get as far away as she could from the frenetic voices in her head, Eve sharply flicked the reins in her hand and dug her heels into the horse’s ribs, mumbling an apology under her breath when she felt her mount falter slightly before heeding her command and speeding up its movements despite its obvious exhaustion.
The rocking motion of the mount underneath her was familiar and comforting, and Eve clung to that feeling of security if only to prevent herself from spiraling further into the chaos and confusion clouding her mind.
It did not help. Even as the bearded charger continued to move forward and some distant part of Eve could recognize how far she had already ridden away from the city, she still could not find it in her to stop. Because if she did, the thoughts that she was running away from would catch up to her and Evelyn Trevelyan would not be able to prevent herself from crumpling into a shaking and sobbing ball.
Even the memory of Cassandra’s expression – golden-brown eyes full of worry and concern and lips downcast in a sympathetic frown – was not enough to make Eve pull on her charger’s reins. Especially since the image of her wife came with the image of the letter she was holding in her hand when Eve left their private chambers.
That letter. That fucking letter. Damn it to the Void and damn those who sent it to whatever place was further and more treacherous than the Void.
She might not have had the letter itself with her, but Eve did not need it. The words written in the letter branded themselves in her mind the moment she read them, and now they echoed over and over again within the confines of her skull. With each repetition, the words became even more foreboding, like the ticking countdown of a bomb. They also sounded more eerie, like the creaking of a body swaying on the gallows. Words that promised to bring only pain and despair if Eve made the mistake of answering their call.
Inquisitor Trevelyan, the letter had started, and even the use of her formal title did nothing to assuage Eve’s anger and offense at being addressed at all by the person who wrote the letter.
I humbly ask a favor from you, it continued, and Eve’s lips curled once more in disdain. A favor? After everything that she had been through, everything she had suffered, now they want something from her? It was typical, she supposed; now that they were in the ones in need, Eve would once again be significant in their lives.
Please come home to Ostwick at your earliest convenience, the letter then said, and Eve growled low in her throat. She had not thought of Ostwick as her home for years. It had not felt like home the second she passed through the massive gates of the Trevelyan estate and left her old life behind. But it was not her family’s decision to send her to the Ostwick Circle that truly rankled Eve; she could understand that, at least on a logical level, being sent off to the Circle was the only way Eve could have learned how to handle her magic properly.
No, it was the lack of communication in the years after she had left the Trevelyan manor that sowed seeds of resentment and acrimony in Eve’s heart and soul. Seeds that sprouted into taproots that grew deeper and deeper over the years, years that had passed without any word of greeting or concern from her family at all. No matter Eve’s triumphs or failures as the leader of the Inquisition, not once did she hear anything from the Bann, her mother, or her two older brothers. Their silence and apparent indifference had served to water the taproots over the years and now Eve could no longer think about her family without feeling those taproots squeeze her lungs and gut.
Father is dying, the letter further said, and you’re the only one who can help him. There was a sizable part of Eve, then, a part firmly connected to those taproots, which wanted to laugh dismissively, cruelly. So what if the Bann was dying? So what if she was the only one who could help? The man had not shown a single iota of interest in his own daughter’s well-being since the day she left his roof. It was not possible that the Bann had not heard of Eve’s efforts during her time in the Inquisition. It was not possible that he was not aware of her triumph over Corypheus and her success in closing the Breach. It was not possible that he had not heard of Eve losing her arm in Halamshiral. She had not received any word of congratulations nor had she heard any word of sympathy after all those momentous events.
And, most painful of all for Evelyn Trevelyan, it would have been beyond impossible that Bann Lucas Trevelyan, a man so dedicated to bringing glory and honor to his House, would not have heard of the wedding of the Inquisitor and the Seeker Cassandra Pentaghast. And even then, she had not heard anything from her father and that silence hurt deeper than anything that the Bann had done to Eve in the past.
Come back, sister. I implore you. As a brother, I beg you. Please come home and help us. The letter finished, and underneath that final line was a loopy signature bearing her oldest brother’s name. A name that Eve had not thought of in years, let alone imagined she would ever hear from again. Xander Trevelyan, the named heir to the Trevelyan line.
Eve was broken out of her dark reverie when her horse nearly stumbled, the motion unexpected and jolting against the animal’s quick and steadfast strides. It was then that Eve realized how far she had ridden away from the city. The landscape around her was unfamiliar and when she turned around, she could not even see the walls of Val Royeaux in the distance.
Releasing a drained sigh, Eve pulled on the reins in her hand and the horse slowed to a trot before coming to rest, the animal’s broad chest heaving in exertion and every inch of its tan hide lathered in sweat. When she finally came to a stop, Eve became aware of the aching in her legs and knees and she groaned as she dismounted her horse. She walked to the animal’s front, her hand slowly grazing over its warm skin, and she stood in front of her charger, resting her forehead on the animal’s muzzle as she murmured another apology.
The bearded charger nickered and snuffled around her neck and ears, and Eve drew comfort from the idea that maybe the horse had sensed her distress and was trying to offer what solace it could.
“Fuck. I’m so sorry, my friend. I’ll make it up to you when we get back to the city, okay? I’ll get all the apples I can from the kitchen.” Eve mumbled fondly as she scratched the horse’s ears. When the animal nickered once more and nudged its nose gently against Eve’s shoulder, she could only huff out a tired laugh before drawing in a deep breath, allowing the scents of sweat, leather, and horseflesh to soothe her frazzled nerves.
She stood in silence for another minute, basking in whatever comfort she could get from her current companion, when the sounds of hoofbeats in the distance drew her attention. Sounds that grew louder with every passing second, and sounds that signified that someone was quickly riding towards Eve.
For a second, Eve considered jumping back on her mount and riding away once more. She was not ready to face anyone in the wake of her abrupt departure and the dark thoughts and emotions coursing through her would most likely subject whoever was coming closer to a tongue-lashing that they did not deserve. Because, for once, Eve found herself in a situation so awful that not even her sense of humor wanted to make an appearance.
Then the second passed, and Eve could only watch as the person came into view. A person riding a massive hart. Even with the sun setting on the horizon and the shadows falling around Eve as the light began to wane, it was not hard to recognize who was riding toward her. The person was unmistakable, given that he owned both a thick scar that ran across his grizzled face and a monstrous great axe strapped across his back.
“Inquisitor!” Naaxaar’s anxiety was obvious as he called out to Eve, and as he rode closer, the anxiety was made even more obvious in the way that Qunari’s usually calm and pleasant features changed from a worried frown into a smile of deep relief. When he came to a stop beside Eve, Naaxaar nimbly hopped off the hart and exhaled loudly as a tired grin grew underneath his scar, “I’m glad to finally catch up to you, your Grace.”
Eve winced in embarrassment, both at the Divine Knight’s expression and his words, “Ah, shit. I’m sorry you had to come all this way to get me.”
Naaxaar shrugged, the gesture making the hulking muscles underneath his armor ripple, “It was no trouble, Inquisitor. The General commanded me to come after you the moment you left the city,” When Eve’s mouth opened with another apology evident in her eyes, he quickly shook his head as he gently placed his huge hand on Eve’s shoulder and gave her a warm smile, “But even if she hadn’t, I still would have done so…kadan.”
As weak as Eve’s grasp of Qunlat was, it was a word she was familiar with given all the years she had known the Iron Bull. And it was a word that brought a small measure of peace to the painful emotions and thoughts still raging in Eve’s heart and mind.
Eve’s shoulders sagged and she ran her hand through her hair as she sighed, “Thanks, Axe. Really,” She huffed out a small laugh, one that sounded as tired as she felt, “I have to say, that was stupidly brave of you, my friend. I was thinking of hopping back on my mount and running away again. It’s better than the ass-kicking I wanted to give to whoever was following me.”
Naaxaar’s rumbling laugh broke out from deep within his chest as he waggled his eyebrows at Eve, “Promises, promises, Inquisitor,” When Eve merely huffed out another laugh at the Qunari’s jest, he turned, walked to the hart, and opened the pack attached to the saddle before pulling out two bottles. He walked back to Eve and handed her one of the bottles with an expectant grin, “Come, Inquisitor. I suspect that you will need some liquid courage to tell me what troubled you so deeply that you would leave the city in such a manner.”
At Eve’s glance of suspicion toward the bottle in her hand, Naaxaar’s rumbling laugh sounded once more, “Don’t worry, your Grace. It’s not from my private stash. I’ve drank with you often enough to know what you like,” He tossed his head toward the bottle in Eve’s hand before holding up the bottle in his own, “It’s a bit too sweet for my taste though, so I brought brandy for me.”
Eve pulled out the cork with her teeth and spat it out. Sure enough, the sweet scent of honeyed mead drifted up to her nose. She snorted in amusement as she peeked inside the bottle, “Really? We’re going to drink right now? Out here?”
Naaxaar shrugged once more as he uncorked his own bottle and held it up in invitation, “Why not? It was either this or a sparring session,” He glanced at Eve, then to the bearded charger behind the Inquisitor, before reaching up behind him and giving his great axe a pat, “And since you don’t appear to have any weapons with you, I figured it would be most unsporting of me to choose the latter.”
Eve blew a raspberry before taking her first swig from the bottle, the taste and burn of her favorite liquor providing just as much comfort as Naaxaar’s earlier term for her, “I don’t need my staff to take you down, Axe.” To prove her point, Eve wedged the bottle underneath her left armpit before holding out her palm and lighting a small fireball in the center. She grinned smugly as she wiggled her fingers, allowing the fireball to roll around her open hand before she closed her palm into a fist to extinguish the flame.
Naaxaar chuckled in appreciation at the boast even as he answered with his own smug grin, “That may be true, your Worship, but I doubt that the General or the Seeker will appreciate hearing about me agreeing to spar with you…unarmed.” He finished with a pointed look at Eve’s pinned sleeve.
“Oooooh. Cheap shot, Vashoth,” Eve said, greatly enjoying the banter she usually shared with the Divine Knight whenever they drank together. She took the bottle back in hand before taking another quick sip from her honeyed mead, “Wait, you’re telling me that you’re afraid of Cassandra? I mean, I get that you wouldn’t want to get on Solona’s bad side given that she’s your boss, but the Seeker?”
Naaxaar sat down on the ground, waving his hand out in front of him. When Eve took the wordless invite and sat down as well, he took a long pull from his brandy and wiped his mouth with the back of his arm before he spoke, “I’m familiar with how fierce Seeker Pentaghast gets when she’s agitated, Inquisitor. She asked me to spar with her when Victoire abducted you during Seeker Jacques’ wedding,” At Eve’s surprised expression, Naaxaar merely grunted in affirmation before giving her a sheepish smile, “It is…not something I wish to experience again.”
The small chuckle that tumbled out of Eve’s mouth was part apology, part agreement, “Yeah. She gets like that whenever she’s mad. Sorry about that.”
Naaxaar waved his hand dismissively, “There’s nothing to apologize for, Inquisitor. To be honest, I was more than glad to give the Seeker what I could to help her through that distressing time,” He nodded to the bottle in Eve’s hand, “As I am now happy to provide the same to you. If you do not wish to talk about what happened, we do not need to do so. We can simply drink and joke if that is what you need from me, kadan.”
That word once more, and it served the same purpose as it had earlier. Eve felt the tightness in her chest loosen another fraction and as it did, she felt her tongue loosen as well. What’s more, Eve knew, talking to Naaxaar now would make it easier for her to talk with Cassandra once she returned to Val Royeaux. Here, at least, she could scream and rant and curse all she wanted without fear of accidentally causing offense. Naaxaar would know that whatever Eve would say in her distress would not be personal and she could release all the venom and bitterness inside her if only to spare her wife from going through the same experience later on.
Eve took a deep swallow from her honeyed mead before placing the bottle on the ground beside her. She rubbed her hand on her mouth as she tried to organize her thoughts. It took a few minutes, but Naaxaar merely waited in patient silence beside Eve as he took his own small sips from his bottle throughout it all.
Finally, Eve spoke, and her voice contained all the venom and bitterness that made her belly feel like it was quivering and made the honeyed mead taste like vinegar on her tongue, “I…I got this fucking letter from my Maker-be-damned family. They…they want me to return to Ostwick to help them,” When Naaxaar simply gave a small grunt, Eve took it as a prompt to continue, “They said that the Bann, my father-“ Eve explained quickly when Naaxaar’s brow rose slightly in confusion, “My father is dying. And I’m the only one who can help prevent his death.”
Naaxaar’s brows drew together as his confusion deepened, “How so?”
This time, it was Eve who shrugged as she took another long pull from her bottle. Her honeyed mead still tasted uncharacteristically sour but the burn in her throat and chest gave her the courage to continue speaking, “I have no fucking idea. I’m no Spirit Healer and my knowledge of healing magic is shit at the best of times.”
Naaxaar made a noise of consideration that reverberated in his chest as he thought about Eve’s words, “Maybe they wish for your assistance because whatever is ailing your father is possibly magical in nature? You might not be a Spirit Healer, but perhaps they are counting on both your time in Inquisition and your friendship with mages from other schools of magic to give some insights that could help your father’s predicament.”
Eve nodded absently, lightly tapping the bottle on the ground as she spoke, “That…makes sense, I guess?” Then she shook her head, “No, wait. It doesn’t,” When Naaxaar angled his head in curiosity, Eve’s face dropped into a pensive frown, “Why me, Axe? Why go through all the trouble of asking me to help? It’s not like my family isn’t well-connected in the Free Marches. As a Bann, my father would have contacts in the Ostwick Circle that my mother and brothers could ask for help from. Not to mention, my brother, Ignatius, is a Templar. He would also have his own connections that he could use. It just doesn’t fucking add up,” She felt those taproots tightening in her heart, and Eve could not stop the swell of long-buried resentment and bitterness from coloring her voice, “If I had to guess, they’re hoping that I pull some miracle out of my ass as the Inquisitor or as a mage. The same kind of miracles that everyone has always expected from me ever since I took on that fucking title.”
“Would it be so bad if they were, your Grace?” Naaxaar asked gently, his eyes softening in sympathy and understanding.
Unfortunately, the expression on the Qunari’s face only made those taproots clench even tighter around Eve’s heart, “Yeah, it would,” She held up her hand and her face hardened in anger when Naaxaar began to protest, “You don’t understand, Axe. I know what I’m about to say will make me sound cruel and vindictive, but to be honest, I don’t really give a shit,” The anger on Eve’s face melted away, leaving behind a deep weariness and even deeper sadness, “After everything they did to me, or should I say, everything they didn’t do for me, I don’t think my family deserves anything from me. They don’t even deserve to get the time of day, never mind me leaving the city and going to Ostwick like they want.”
The waves of anguish and misery rolling off from his companion were so palpable that Naaxaar could not bring himself to ask for details. For the first time since the Qunari had met the mage, he did not see the fabled Inquisitor, so confident and comfortable in her abilities and her position. He did not see the drinking buddy he so often sought out after a tiring day fulfilling his duties as a Divine Knight. He did not see the prankster and jokester whose antics endeared her to the Qunari.
Instead, Naaxaar found himself sitting across the person who hid underneath all those accolades and accomplishments, the woman who used jokes and laughter to shield herself from whatever pain and difficulties she was going through.
And, surprisingly for the Qunari, for the warrior who had grown up knowing about the Qun’s rigorous adherence to hierarchy and subservience to power, seeing that person did not lessen the respect he held for the Inquisitor. Nor did it lessen the affection and camaraderie he felt for his friend. If anything, seeing Eve in such a state only heightened those feelings, because the Qunari now understood the strength and resolve needed by a person to allow themselves to be seen so openly and vulnerably.
My kadan, indeed. Naaxaar thought approvingly, reverently.
But since the Qunari did not want to worsen Eve’s current state by giving voice to his revelation, he simply nodded to demonstrate his acceptance of her words, “Alright, Inquisitor. I will not pretend to understand what you’re going through nor will I force you to speak of what transpired between you and your family to cause such a divide. Just know that whatever you need from me, you simply need ask and I will grant it.”
Eve gave him a small smile of gratitude, “You’ve done more than enough, my friend. I really appreciate this, Axe.”
“You’re welcome. But what do you plan to do now, your Grace?”
Eve looked at the bottle in her hand, lightly thumbing the opening as she spoke, “I’m not sure, honestly. As much as I hate the thought of going to Ostwick and seeing those people again, I think I’ll hate myself even more if I just sit back and do nothing while my father dies,” She sighed and finished off the last of her drink, “It’s my duty, isn’t it? To help anyone in need of me when I can. It’s what the Inquisitor is supposed to do, isn’t it?” Eve almost cringed at her words, suddenly realizing that she was trying to convince herself rather than her companion.
To her relief, however, Naaxaar did not comment, instead taking her laughably transparent attempt in stride and replying as if he did not even notice it.
“It is, yes, but if I may be so bold, I don’t think they want your help as the Inquisitor, your Grace,” Naaxaar said, his tone low and rumbling, “As you’ve said, your family could have asked assistance from countless other mages and healers but they chose to reach out to you instead. They need you, Lady Trevelyan. You as a daughter and you as a sister. And given that, there is no one else they could have asked.”
“Well, if you put it that way, then I really can’t say no without looking like the biggest ass in Thedas,” Eve blew a weak raspberry as she rolled her eyes, the sound and sight making Naaxaar chuckle with affection, “Crap. I think I preferred it when you were chasing me all over the city because the Divine wanted you to dangle me from that tower, Axe. That wasn’t this mushy or this gooey,” Eve’s gaze softened into a contemplative look, “What about you, my friend? Will you tell me what kind of drama you have with your family? Misery does love company, after all.”
Naaxaar’s face softened as well, the smile curling on his lips pulling on his scar, “I’m sorry to disappoint, your Grace, but I actually don’t have any drama with my parents or my younger sister. My mother and father still live in Afsaana where they work as farmers. We communicate often through raven.”
“Must be nice,” Eve said, somewhat wistfully, “And your sister?”
“She left Afsaana when she came of age as I did. We don’t speak as often since she travels around Thedas as part of a mercenary company but we manage when we can,” Naaxaar replied, the smile on his face lighting up with the fondness he held for his sibling, “I’ve invited her to visit me in Val Royeaux but she seems to be adverse to the idea of letting people know she’s related to a Divine Knight,” He grinned, mischievous and knowing, “It’s understandable, I suppose. The knowledge that her big brother serves the Divine might reduce Herah’s reputation with the Valo-Kas.”
Eve blinked in surprise when the mercenary company’s name triggered a blurry memory, “Wait, your sister is part of the Valo-Kas? I…I know that company,” Her brows scrunched in deep thought, “They were the company that was hired to provide security during the Conclave, weren’t they?”
Naaxaar nodded, his own brows coming together as he recalled the message his sister sent to him during that time in his life, “They were, yes, but Herah wasn’t part of the troops that the Valo-Kas sent to the Conclave. The company’s leader deemed her too young and inexperienced to join such an important contract.”
“Oh. Oh, shit,” Eve mumbled as she glanced at Naaxaar with sympathy in her eyes, “I’m glad that your sister wasn’t part of the troops, then.”
“As am I, Inquisitor. I don’t know exactly what I would have done if I found out that Herah had perished during the explosion, but I do know that I wouldn’t have become a Divine Knight. Most likely, I would have sought out the Valo-Kas and offered to take Herah’s place as a way to honor her memory.” Naaxaar said, quietly.
“Thank the Maker everything worked out as they did,” Eve said, just as quietly, “Where is she now?”
“Last I heard, she was on the way to Kirkwall,” Naaxaar grinned when Eve gave him a confused frown, “Viscount Tethras hired the Valo-Kas to provide additional support to the city’s guard.”
Eve shook her head as she chuckled, “If that’s the case, you should definitely join me the next time I visit Kirkwall. I’m sure your sister would appreciate seeing you again. And don’t worry,” She sent him her own mischievous grin, “We won’t let anyone know that you’re there in any official capacity. You’ll just be a big brother who missed his baby sister, that’s all.”
Naaxaar’s delighted laughter roared out, startling both Eve’s horse and his hart and causing the mounts to prance and kick before they settled down, “I look forward to it, your Grace, but I doubt you’ll still call her my baby sister once you meet Herah. She’s nearly as tall as I am and the great sword she favors can rival the Iron Bull’s weapon.”
Eve merely sent him a happy wink, “Sound like my kind of Qunari. I just hope she doesn’t like the same kind of crap you and Bull like drinking though,” At Naaxaar’s broad grin, Eve groaned jokingly, “Shit. I knew it.”
“You did just say Herah’s your kind of Qunari,” Naaxaar quipped as he finished his own drink. He glanced up at the dark sky, “It’s getting late, your Worship. Shall we return to the city? I’m certain the General and the Seeker are still worried over you.”
“Double shit. You’re right, Axe. It’s time we headed back,” Eve sighed as she stood up, brushing off her clothes and walking over to her horse. She mounted the animal and waited for Naaxaar to do the same with his hart. Then, Eve grinned broadly, “Race you back to the city?”
A grin that was answered with the same wide curl on the Qunari’s face as his eyes sparkled in challenge, “On your mark, your Grace.”
And with that, the warrior and the mage galloped back to the city, their light-hearted boasts and laughter mingling with the thundering sounds of the hoofbeats. Upon nearing the city, however, Naaxaar allowed the Inquisitor to beat him just by a hair.
The merciless teasing that followed after was fine and Naaxaar bore it indulgently even as Eve bragged and laughed about her triumph the moment they passed through the gates. The Qunari kept the same indulgent smile on his face after he parted ways from Eve, despite the relentless echoing of her smug words in his mind. His kadan, after all, needed the win after the day she just had.
*****
Given the late hour that she and Naaxaar had returned to Val Royeaux, the stablehands that usually took care of the city’s mounts were long gone when Eve went to secure her horse. After placing her horse in its pen, she kept her word and made a quick detour to the kitchen, where Eve charmed the night cooks into giving her a few apples. Then, after Eve rubbed down the horse’s muscles with rough sackcloth and brushed out its mane and tail, she was in the middle of feeding the promised treats to the horse when she heard a quiet and relieved voice sound out from behind her.
“Glad to see you’re back safely, rookie.” Solona said as she entered the stables. The General of the Knights Divine had been waiting in her private office for Naaxaar to return, and the moment a pair of horns peeked through her door, Solona rushed out of the office with only a hasty shout of thanks to her soldier for finding the Inquisitor.
Solona Amell was, for lack of a better term, near frantic with worry over her friend. While she had already seen Eve in various states of distress many times before, those times were always connected to her official function in one way or another. But this…
“You’re so lucky, you know that?” Eve mumbled as she rolled her shoulders. Her shoulders and arm felt sore and stiff after such a grueling sparring session but the pain was more than worth it. Given their busy schedules, the Inquisitor and the Hero of Ferelden rarely found the time to spar with each other, and both mages were delighted to find a common free time in their hectic days. They immediately headed over to the training grounds and spent the rest of the afternoon sparring, much to the delight of Solona’s men and the city’s guards.
It was such a rare treat to watch two powerful and accomplished mages, both legends in their own right, face off against each other in controlled surroundings, neither giving the other quarter. Eve’s Knight-Enchanter spells flashed brilliantly as they collided with Solona’s Arcane Warrior enchantments, resulting in a display of magical prowess that none of the people watching would forget for a very long time.
“Hmmm?” The inquiring sound fell out from Solona’s lips as she rubbed a towel all over her sweaty face and arms. The rookie had certainly given her a run for her coin, and both the Inquisitor and the Hero eventually decided on a tie if only because the sun was setting and they were both anxious to clean off the afternoon’s tiring exertions.
Eve walked over to a nearby table and grabbed a small canteen of water, quenching her parched throat and releasing a small sigh of satisfaction before she continued, “I said, you’re so lucky.” She placed the canteen back on the table and grabbed her own clean towel before she headed back to Solona.
“Our sparring match ending on a draw doesn’t feel that way.” Solona quipped as she began her walk to leave the training grounds. After hastily wiping the sweat and dirt away from her face and neck, Eve threw the dirtied towel over her shoulder and ran to catch up to the departing mage.
When Eve drew beside Solona, she cast a glance out of the corner of her eye, “I wasn’t talking about our sparring match, Sunny.” At Solona’s small hum, Eve sighed and looked down at the ground as they walked, “You’re lucky because you’ve got such an amazing family. Leliana’s the perfect woman for you and you’ve got a healthy kid on the way. You’ve got it all, Solona.”
The yearning note in her friend’s voice caused a frown to grow on Solona’s face, “You know you have the same thing with Cassandra as I do with Leliana, yes?” When Eve merely nodded in silence but did not reply, the frown on Solona’s face grew deeper, “As for a child, surely you and Cassandra have already considered having one of your own?”
Eve huffed out a laugh but kept her eyes trained on the ground, “We have. She asked me right before we left for Hercinia to rescue Hawke.”
Solona’s brow rose in curiosity, “And? Do you not feel ready for such a step with your wife?”
Eve’s jaw tightened, a strange thing for Solona to see given their supposed happy topic, and the Inquisitor’s eyes darkened as both mages came closer to the wing where the private quarters for the city’s important figures were situated, “I do, but…” A sigh tumbled out from Eve as she shook her head, “It’s just that I didn’t have a great run when it came to family. Family I’m related to by blood, I mean,” She looked at Solona, and Eve’s face dropped into a weary smile, “After I left Ostwick, the only thing I shared in common with my family was our last name. Beyond that, well, I may as well have been a complete stranger to them.”
There was nothing else that Solona could say, then. Nothing except for, “Evelyn, you know as well as I that after everything we’ve been through, family is more than shared blood and last names," Solona stopped at the door leading down the hallway toward her private quarters and looked at Eve, “Leliana and I consider you part of our family just as much as the child we’re about to have. You and Cassandra are every bit as important to us as Hawke and Isabela, and Bethany and Nehra.”
Eve nodded, an appreciative half-smile curling on her lips even as her eyes remained dark, “I know, Sunny. It’s just…different, I guess. I’m not trying to be difficult or obtuse here. I just…” She sighed once more, “I just wish that my family had done more to keep in touch throughout the years, that’s all.”
“They haven’t? At all?” Solona asked, greatly surprised at the revelation. Knowing everything Eve had gone through, the Hero could not help but feel a sympathetic sadness for her friend. That, along with resentment on her friend’s behalf. The Inquisitor might not be one to truly boast about her accomplishments and triumphs outside of their friendly pissing matches whenever they drank together, but still, it was not unreasonable to expect at least some word of congratulations or inquiry of well-being during Eve’s time in the Inquisition.
The laugh that Eve gave echoed Solona’s simmering resentment, “Nah. Not a peep from any of them." She shrugged, the motion appearing careless even though Solona recognized it as the defensive gesture it was, “I didn’t hear from them while I was still at the Circle but since I didn’t really do anything notable back then, I guess they didn’t consider it worth their while to check up on me. When I became the Inquisitor…well…” She shrugged once more, “One can only hold out on hope for so long before they have to come to terms with the fact that it was a stupid wish to have in the first place.”
Eve turned away from Solona, obviously looking to leave their conversation on that note, but Solona was not about to let her friend walk away bearing such pain without trying to help. She caught Eve’s hand in her own and tugged the Inquisitor back to her. When their gazes met, Solona noted the look of surprise in Eve’s eyes when she saw the determined look in Solona’s.
“It’s not a stupid wish, Evelyn. It’s *not*,” Solona emphasized the word when Eve began to protest, “And to be honest, if there’s anyone that was being stupid back then, it was the Trevelyans,” Solona’s voice dropped low as her own resentment bled through her tone, “It’s bad enough that they didn’t keep in touch while you were in the Circle, but to continue that silence during your time in the Inquisition? Until today? Maker’s breath, your family is even more foolish than I thought.”
Eve opened her mouth once more, actually unsure of what she was going to say, but Solona merely shook her head to dissuade her, “I’m not just saying this because of what you’ve accomplished or your title. Far from it. If the Trevelyans can’t appreciate you for who you are beyond the mantle you hold, that’s on them, not you. It’s their loss, rookie. Their loss…and our gain.”
And with that, Solona gave Eve’s hand one final bracing squeeze before she walked away to head to her private chambers. While the Hero wanted to say so much more to comfort the Inquisitor, the bright sheen of tears in Eve’s eyes was enough to let Solona know that she had said everything she needed to say.
“Yeah. Thanks for telling Naaxaar to follow me, Solona. I appreciate it,” Eve's low voice broke Solona out of her reminiscing even as she kept her back turned to Solona. She watched as Eve’s head dropped forward and her fellow mage’s shoulders heaved in a deep sigh, “I have to go to Ostwick, don’t I?”
Solona moved forward to stand beside Eve, plucking the apple she held in her hand and holding the fruit up to the horse’s muzzle. As the animal crunched down on the apple, Solona kept her eyes trained on her open palm as she answered, “You don’t have to do anything, Evelyn. If you don’t want to go to Ostwick, it’s well within your rights to refuse your family’s wishes.”
“I’ve never known you to lie about anything, Sunny. Did my earlier tantrum really catch you so off-guard that you’d make shit up just to make me feel better?” Eve glanced up to Solona, a small teasing grin curling on her lips.
“But I’m not-“
“Yes, you are,” Eve broke in quickly, nudging Solona with her shoulder and laughing when the motion did catch Solona off-guard and caused the apple in her hand to fall to the ground. She continued her laughter even as Solona rolled her eyes and picked up the apple from the dusty floor, rubbing the half-eaten fruit on her trousers to remove the grit before feeding the rest to the waiting mount, “Let’s not drag this out, okay? We both know that I won’t be able to refuse my family, especially since it’s the Bann’s life that might be forfeited if I do.”
Solona sighed in resignation as she wiped her palm on her trousers, her skin feeling sticky from both the apple’s juices and the horse’s saliva, “When are you leaving?”
“In a couple of days, probably. I’ll need to talk to Cassandra and make sure that she’s okay with everything,” Eve said with a grimace of frustration, “It’s bad enough that I need to suddenly leave for Ostwick with barely any warning. I don’t want Cassandra to think that she needs to come with me if she doesn’t feel up to it.”
This time, it was Solona who gave Eve a nudge with her shoulder, purposefully making the gesture a bit more forceful than usual to help Eve out of her brooding. She smiled when Eve rocked back on her heels from the momentum of the nudge before Eve shot her a grumpy look over the unexpected action, “I don’t think you’ll need to ‘drag’ Cassandra to do anything here, as I’m certain that no force in Thedas can stop the Seeker from going to Ostwick with you.”
Then, to Solona’s enormous surprise, Eve did not immediately launch into the banter she was expecting. Instead, Eve’s shoulders sagged down as she looked to the ground, her voice turning small and hesitant, “And what if I said I didn’t want her to go with me?”
“What? Why ever not?” Solona asked, her surprise making her voice crack just the slightest bit.
The unintended break in Solona’s normally calm voice made Eve smile slightly, “I…I just don’t want Cassandra to see the kind of people my family is. If they act like uncaring and arrogant idiots toward me in front of her…well…you know how protective she can get when she gets ticked off over something that concerns me.” The smile grew a bit wider.
“I know. And perhaps an angry and protective wife rampaging at them is exactly the wake-up call your family needs.” Solona said lightly before she sighed and slung her arm over Eve’s shoulder, “Look. If you say that you need to go to Ostwick, then go, but don’t pretend that you don’t need your mate to go with you. No one will think less of you if you admit to such a thing. Maker knows that if I were in your place, I’d be asking Leliana to do the same for me.”
When Eve started to shift away from underneath Solona’s arm, her discomfort evident, the Hero merely tightened her hold and drew Eve closer to her, “Just do what you need to do in Ostwick then come back to Val Royeaux as soon as you can, yes? Come back home.”
The shudder that ran through Eve’s shoulders at her last word was unmissable but Solona ignored it. She waited for Eve to reply, but when she realized that her fellow mage had no words to offer her in response, Solona decided to take a page out of Eve’s playbook, “Come home as soon as you can, rookie. You wouldn’t want my beloved to issue another order to Naaxaar because you and Cassandra missed it.”
The strange redirection of their conversation made Eve glance up, her brow raised in total confusion, “Huh? Missed what?”
Solona’s grin lit up her entire face as her eyes danced with mischief and joy, “The birth of our child, of course.” Solona’s grin grew wider when Eve’s face immediately cleared of its misery and apprehension, leaving behind the same joy that Solona felt as well as a building excitement at the thought of their family growing bigger through such a wonderful addition.
Then, Eve’s face morphed right into pouty mode when Solona delivered her punchline, “Don’t miss it, rookie, because if you do, the Divine might command Naaxaar to actually drop you next time around.”
*****
Eve took her time to return to the private quarters she shared with Cassandra, taking the longest possible route she could. It was necessary, Eve reasoned, because she needed to find the proper words to tell her mate how sorry she was for her earlier childish display. By the time she reached the door to their room, Eve felt confident that she had prepared an adequate apology.
When she opened the door and stepped inside, however, every word that Eve had stored away in preparation for her apology fled her mind.
As she had expected, Cassandra was not in their bed, waiting for Eve to come back to their room. Eve knew that, given how she left Cassandra’s company earlier, there was no way the warrior would have had the peace of mind or inclination to fall asleep without her mate in bed beside her.
What Eve had not expected at all was how she found Cassandra. While the Nevarran had fallen asleep while waiting for Eve, she had done so on their couch, the one situated in front of the room’s fireplace. Even more unexpected, Cassandra was not alone on the couch.
The Nevarran lay on her side, her arms and legs drawn in tightly. Even as Cassandra slept, Eve could see that her slumber was not a restful one. Cassandra’s forehead was creased in worry and her eyes darted fitfully under her closed eyelids. Every so often, her cheek would twitch as the warrior mumbled something incoherent under her breath.
But even as Eve’s heart clenched painfully at the thought of causing her wife even the smallest amount of distress, she also saw another sight that made her heart melt with adoration and affection in the next instant.
For there, cuddled in the nest of Cassandra’s arms, lay a dozing Mabari puppy. The rise and fall of Snuffles’ chest matched the rhythm of Cassandra’s breathing perfectly and the hound’s ear would flick every time Cassandra exhaled, the sensation of the warrior’s breathing obviously tickling the dog’s sensitive inner ear.
Unwilling to spoil such a precious and heartwarming sight, Eve moved closer as silently as she could. As she did, she watched as Snuffles cracked one eye open and watched her approach. When Eve reached up and moved her hand toward Snuffles, she watched as the puppy’s ears drooped and he released a soft whine as he tried to snuggle closer to Cassandra.
Eve barely resisted from laughing out loud with delight. While Snuffles did have two mistresses, it was painfully obvious which one he greatly preferred. Their pet seemed exceedingly happy and excited whenever it was Cassandra’s turn to take him out for walks or give him a bath. And while the Nevarran always griped and groaned whenever she had to be the one to take care of Snuffles, Eve always caught the happy glimmer in her wife’s eyes whenever Cassandra was playing with their dog and she thought Eve was not paying attention.
Eve got down on her knees and gently extricated Snuffles from Cassandra’s arms, keeping her voice as low and soothing as she could to stop the puppy from releasing another whine, “Thanks for taking care of my wife for me, you little fuzzball. I’ve got it from here.”
At the tone, Snuffles cocked his head before bracing his forepaws on Eve’s chest and giving her cheek a small lick. Then, the puppy curled up into the crook of Eve’s arm and she carefully sat down beside the couch. With Cassandra’s slow and deep breaths warming the back of her neck and their pet’s weight in her arm, Eve sighed in contentment as she leaned back against the couch.
For a while, Eve was silent, basking in the safety and quiet of their bedchambers. While speaking with Naaxaar and Solona had helped greatly with soothing her troubled emotions, nothing could ever compare to the peace Eve felt while in the company of her wife and their pet. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to soak it all in. The gentle crackling of the fire in the fireplace. The softness of Snuffles’ fur against her arm. Cassandra’s rhythmic breathing along with the faint scents of cinnamon and leather that always lingered around her mate.
This. Eve thought as she drew a deep breath and exhaled it very slowly. This is home.
Behind her, Eve felt Cassandra shift, then she felt her warrior drape her arm over Eve’s right shoulder while Cassandra scooted forward slightly and rested her chin on Eve’s left shoulder. Tilting her head back and a little to the side, Eve placed a soft kiss on the corner of Cassandra’s mouth before murmuring quietly, “Hello, dear heart. I’m sorry for being such an ass earlier.”
It was not the grand and eloquent apology that Eve had prepared earlier, but in her defense, finding Cassandra cuddling with their pet was not something she was prepared for either.
Eve heard and felt Cassandra’s smile against her cheek, “It’s alright, my love. I understand.”
Cassandra’s gentle absolution was even more comforting than the warmth of the fire and the feeling of Snuffles in Eve’s arm combined, and Eve released another sigh as she stood, placed Snuffles gently on the ground, and motioned for Cassandra to make room for her on the couch. When Cassandra lifted her upper body up, Eve quickly sat down before guiding Cassandra’s head back on her lap. She carefully undid Cassandra’s crown braid and ran her fingers through the silky raven strands of her wife’s hair as she spoke, “Still. I shouldn’t have-“
Eve stopped talking because Cassandra had suddenly reached up to lace their fingers together before the warrior pulled Eve’s hand to her lips to press a light kiss on her palm. When Eve opened her mouth to continue her apology, Cassandra merely shook her head before pressing another kiss on the same spot. Then, Eve tried once more, but this time, the kiss was accompanied by Cassandra arching her brow.
Finally taking the hint, Eve huffed out a small laugh as she cradled Cassandra’s jaw with her palm, “Okay, love. I got it. No more apologies.”
“Good. I was beginning to think you were doing it on purpose just so I would keep kissing your palm.” Cassandra said, her smile both teasing and affectionate.
“Well, if you put it that way,” Eve quipped as her crooked grin started to come to life and she waggled her eyebrows, “I’m sor-“
Then, Eve could no longer continue her joke as Cassandra suddenly turned her head toward Eve’s stomach and, much to the mage’s enormous surprise, quickly lifted up her shirt and pressed her mouth firmly against the sensitive skin of Eve’s belly before the warrior blew out a deep and prolonged exhale through her lips.
“Cass!” Was all Eve could say before she devolved into a laughing and squirming mess, unable to do or say anything else against the sudden assault from her wife’s mouth. Twisting and turning, Eve tried to escape from underneath Cassandra, but the Nevarran simply bore her weight down on Eve’s lap and braced her forearm against Eve's chest as she continued with her ministrations against Eve’s belly.
For a minute, Eve continued to try to escape, but there was no winning against her warrior whenever she was in this mood. It was their little game, after all, this one-upmanship, and nothing was off the table, not even Cassandra stooping so low as to overpower Eve by targeting her most ticklish spots.
Finally, Eve could no longer bear both the aching of her stomach muscles or the lack of oxygen from laughing so hard and she gasped out, “Okay! Okay! Enough!” She heaved another breath and croaked, “I surrender!” She pushed out her last words with the last ounce of breath she had, “You win, Cass!”
Golden-brown eyes sparkling with triumph and love, Cassandra chuckled warmly as she placed one final kiss against Eve’s belly before the Nevarran lifted her head from Eve’s lap. She carefully sat up before scooting backward and settling back down on Eve’s lap, and then both Eve and Cassandra sighed in contentment when the Nevarran snuggled into her wife’s embrace.
Eve tucked her face into Cassandra’s neck, her words sounding muffled and still slightly breathless, “Okay, new rule. Tickling is off-limits from now on, you cheater.”
“I didn’t cheat, my love. I merely used all the tools I had at my disposal,” Cassandra’s reply was quiet, but filled with so much smug amusement that all Eve could do was snort. Then, Cassandra leaned back slightly and aimed a challenging smirk toward her mate, “And are you really telling me that you didn’t enjoy having my mouth on you, Inquisitor?”
The jest was so unexpected that Eve’s own mouth dropped open, the sight making Cassandra’s challenging smirk grow bigger. Eve’s mouth opened, then closed, then opened and closed once more, but still, nothing came out, and then Cassandra’s smirk threatened to split the warrior’s face in half.
And when it did, Eve merely huffed in defeat before she leaned forward and pressed her forehead against Cassandra’s, her voice dropping into a grateful whisper as she closed her eyes, “You always know, don’t you? You gorgeous, brilliant woman, you. Thank the Maker for you, dear heart.”
Feeling herself redden at such tender words, Cassandra closed her own eyes before she placed a small kiss on Eve’s lips. Then, it was her turn to tuck her face into Eve’s neck as she spoke, “When are we leaving for Ostwick, Eve?”
There was no room for argument in Cassandra’s tone, even as quiet and affectionate as it was. If she tried, Eve knew, getting tickled into submission would be the least of her worries.
So, instead, Eve gave Cassandra her answer, “Let’s go in a couple of days, okay?” When Cassandra drew back, the question evident in her eyes, Eve hastened to explain, “I just want to make sure that our sudden departure won’t interfere with my responsibilities with the Exalted Council. And yours with your Order, for that matter. I’m not sure what we’ll find in Ostwick, so I’m also not sure how long we’ll need to stay there to clean up my family’s mess.”
“We’ll stay in Ostwick for as long as we need to, Eve,” Cassandra stated matter-of-factly, using the same tone as she had earlier. Eve’s frown had barely formed on her face when Cassandra placed her fingers against Eve’s lips to halt the protest she already knew was coming. When she next spoke, however, Cassandra’s tone changed into something much softer and gentler, “I know how much you need to see this through, my love, no matter how painful it might become. And I intend to see it through right alongside you.”
There was nothing else that Eve could say, then. No words that were adequate enough to give voice to how loved and cherished and seen she felt.
No words would ever be enough, so all Eve could do was repeat her earlier prayer of gratitude, albeit in a tone that was now precarious with tears.
“Thank the Maker for you, dear heart,” Eve murmured as she once more placed her forehead against Cassandra’s, but now she needed to say one more thing in addition to her prayer. An addition even more fervent and deeper than her prior words. Three simple words that Evelyn Trevelyan would say for the rest of her life because she would never stop feeling the emotion behind them, “And thank you.”