Actions

Work Header

i’d be the dreadful need in the devotee

Summary:

"Their first date was kind of a fiasco… at first."

 

or

 

James and Regulus settle into their budding relationship.

Notes:

chapter warnings: an explicit sex scene between a cis man and a trans man (no penetration). tidbits of internalized ableism regarding adhd. these are all that come to mind, but if you think i should add something else you can let me know.

i am not a trans man so if you see anything that makes you uncomfortable or feels wrong, please let me know. i try my best to write from a well-informed place but i can of course still be wrong.

title is from the hozier song "talk", it's a beautiful song. 10/10, would recommend.

lastly, as per usual, i only proofread this once, so pls excuse any mistakes you might see (or let me know). i fear this one might be a bit rougher around the edges, i'm a bit sleep-deprived.

this one is the longest so far, yay!

enjoy!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

 

Regulus thinks it took an embarrassingly short amount of time for him to fall head over heels in love with James Potter. He blames James for this.

 

They have been going out, dating, or whatever you want to call it for a month now. And he can’t stop feeling like a lovesick puppy. He hates James for what he’s done to him.

 

“Hey, do you want dumplings?” James yells from the kitchen.

 

"Of course I do," Regulus answers, annoyed.

 

James comes back to his room where Regulus is lying across his bed, everything smelling like James, making his head dizzy.

 

“Hey,” he says in greeting like a dork. Regulus rolls his eyes.

 

“Is something wrong?” James asks softly as he walks towards the bed. Regulus shakes his head.

 

"Feels like something's wrong," James insists, and Regulus wants to scream because something is wrong. He wasn't supposed to fall in love this quickly. How is he supposed to handle this when all he wants to do is be around James, touch James, kiss James, listen to James's stupid rants, and also find them endearing? It’s like he’s infected with love or something.

 

James lies beside him on his side, his whole body turned toward Regulus, "Baby," he mumbles, and Regulus almost screams this time. It's so stupid; he feels like he's on a cartoon whenever his stomach flips at something James does or says, like his eyes are gonna pop in big hearts out of their sockets. And Pet names are very high on the list of things that make Regulus’s stomach do weird shit.

 

“Hm,” he hums.

 

“What’s wrong?” James asks sweetly. God, Regulus wants to kiss him, maybe forever. Jesus Christ, who thinks like that after a month? Is he a psychopath?

 

“I said nothing, didn’t I?” Regulus answers, annoyed but not really at James.

 

“Well, you sound annoyed so…” James doesn’t finish his sentence but starts tracing circles on Regulus’s arm. Regulus shivers at the contact.

 

“Don’t I always sound annoyed?”

 

"No, at least not with me."

 

“That’s weird because I’m constantly annoyed with you,” Regulus tries to steer the conversation away.

 

“That’s different,” James tells him, soft as ever. Regulus turns his head and looks at him for a while, taking in every detail. He’s so beautiful, it’s not fair.

 

“How come?” Regulus asks.

 

"Well, when you're annoyed with me, it's fonder, not like how you were just a minute ago," James answers sincerely, and Regulus thinks maybe it isn't ridiculous that he's fallen in love with this person so quickly.

 

He leans in and kisses James. It's a slow and sweet kiss; he feels like he's trying to say I love you with his lips but without making any sound. God, how is he supposed to keep all of this in?

 

"Hm, what was that for?" James asks, looking pleased when Regulus pulls back.

 

“Just because.”

 

James grins in response, "That's a good reason."

 


 

Their first date was kind of a fiasco… at first.

 

When Regulus arrives in front of the restaurant James made a reservation for their first official date, he finds himself face to face with a very distressed-looking James Potter. And the moment James spots him, he starts rambling.

 

“Reg, I’m so fucking sorry. God, I’m so stupid, please don’t take this as like a, a—fuck, I'm so sorry," he looks so distressed that for a second, Regulus's mind wanders off to borderline apocalyptic scenarios.

 

“James, please breathe and tell me what’s wrong?” Regulus says as calmly as possible and reaches out a hand to James's arm, trying to give James something to ground himself with.

 

"God, Reg, I'm fucking stupid; that's what happened." James seems genuinely upset, and Regulus wants to fix it like it's the most important thing in the world.

 

"James, can you please tell me what's going on so I can decide whether that's true or not," Regulus sounds stern even to his own ears without meaning to and regrets it immediately when James, instead of chuckling like he usually does with Regulus’s insults, winces.

 

"I fucked up our reservation," he mumbles, looking embarrassed.

 

“How?” Regulus tries to ask as gently as possible; he has no idea as to if it works or not.

 

"It's two weeks later, not today. I don't know what happened. I don't know if I said the date wrong or heard them wrong or something else. I don't know, and I feel like a fucking idiot. I can't believe I fucked up our first date," he tugs on his hair, visibly frustrated.

 

"James, it's okay. Jesus, I thought something terrible happened, like you killed a dog or something."

 

"What? Why would I kill a dog?" James asks, looking bewildered.

 

"I don't know, James, why would you kill a dog? What has Miss Shortcake ever done to you?" Regulus goads him further, trying his best to distract him.

 

"What?" James almost yells and then notices a couple people staring at them angrily and turns to them, "I haven't killed any dogs, like ever, and I would never do that. I love dogs," he tries to explain.

 

“James,” Regulus whispers, "you don't wanna protest too much. It looks incriminating."

 

"Reg, for fuck's sake!" He turns around to find a grinning Regulus looking at him, and after a long couple of seconds, James breaks into a grin as well.

 

“God, you’re a menace,” he tells Regulus, his eyes briefly glancing down at Regulus’s lips. Regulus smirks.

 

"I know," he gives James a genuine smile, "James, it's fine. You're not an idiot for making a small mistake. You are an idiot for completely unrelated reasons." He smirks. James barks out a laugh, and Regulus can breathe again.

 

"We can go eat somewhere else, and two weeks later, we'll come here again. It's alright,” he reassures James once again.

 

"Yeah?" James asks, looking hopeful, and Regulus wants to kiss him. He doesn't.

 

"Yes, James, of course. Now, take me somewhere I can eat. I'm starving."

 

They start walking together to a nearby pub that James says has the best veggie burgers ever. They don't hold hands, but their shoulders brush against one another occasionally as if to remind each other of their existence.

 

They are lucky enough to find an empty booth where they can sit next to each other. They order their food and drinks, then immediately turn to each other, and start talking about anything and everything. James’s work, Regulus’s next semester, what classes he's planning to take, what they're excited about, what they did last week, and what they are going to do next week. Their orders come, and they eat and drink, enjoying each other's company. Their burgers go cold, and their drinks become hot because they can't stop talking, telling each other whatever comes to mind. Regulus feels dizzy with the ease of their conversation.

 

When they’re finally done with their food, they order another round of drinks, this time cocktails instead of beer. Their knees keep bumping into one another, their feet get tangled up, and their eyes never leave each other. James's eyes never lose their warmth as he keeps gazing at Regulus's. He puts his elbow on the table and rests his head in his palm, looking up at Regulus sweetly. He hooks one finger on Regulus’s chain, playing with it absentmindedly.

 

"I'm really sorry about fucking up our reservation," he mumbles, not looking at Regulus for maybe the first time this night.

 

"James, I said it was fine, and I meant it. It happens," Regulus tries his best to sound gentle, he really doesn't want James to worry about that anymore. He almost says something corny like, 'What matters is that we're together.'

 

"I just don't want you to think it's because I don't care about this or that this date isn't important to me. It is. I just… I forget shit all the time or mix stuff up, especially dates, and people think it's because I don't care enough, and that's not true. I'm kind of stupid with this shit, that's all." James explains to him in a somewhat sombre but calm manner.

 

"You're not stupid, and I believe you, okay? So, stop worrying you're gonna get wrinkles," he tells James as he tries to smooth away the crease in between James's scrunched-up brows. James smiles sweetly at him, and Regulus wants to kill everyone that ever made James feel insecure about this.

 

“I have ADHD,” James says.

 

"Yeah, I think everyone knows James," Regulus responds, chuckling at the abrupt confession. James gives him a sardonic smile, and Regulus feels his insides revolting at the thought of upsetting James, but he says nothing, waiting for James to speak.

 

"I know, I know," he chuckles, and it's not so terrible suddenly, "but people usually don't know what it entails. Like hyperactivity is the least of my worries when it comes to living with this shit. Forgetfulness is a big part of it. Things and people being out of sight, out of mind is another part of it. I worry so much about my friendships, you know. Especially since I started working, I see everyone less, and I don't understand how much time has passed since I last talked to someone, and suddenly, I go two months without talking to Marls or Lily. Living with Sirius and Remus helps, but I just worry a lot, and I feel like it's my fault for not being able to manage my life and time better, but I can't change it, you know, I can't—I wish I could. Fuck, sorry, God, I didn't mean to unload all of that on you, Jesus. A bit heavy for a first date, no?" he smiles, trying to seem as unaffected and distant as possible, Regulus guesses.

 

"It's okay. I'm glad you told me," Regulus reassures him in a quiet, gentle tone.

 

“I want to do this right, and I fear fucking it up right from the beginning may not be a good sign,” he tells Regulus looking genuinely upset.

 

"And here I was thinking our first date was a fucking success. You wound me, Potter," he teases James, putting a hand on his chest in mock offence. James laughs, and Regulus wants to kiss it.

 

“Yeah, it is a success, isn’t it?” He smiles at Regulus and Regulus can feel the sun burning.

 

After they leave the pub, James offers to walk him back to his flat, and Regulus accepts it, not wanting this night to end yet. They chat as they walk, but they also allow comfortable silences to exist between them. It's a beautiful summer night, and Regulus thinks he hasn't felt this content in a long time.

 

They finally reach Regulus’s flat and turn to face each other in front of the building.

 

"So, this is me," Regulus says, not knowing what else to say. James nods, looking at him like he wants to reach out and touch.

 

"I should tell you, I don't put out on the first date, Potter," he says, probably with a mischievous glint in his eyes. James chuckles in response, looking bashful.

 

"What about a good night kiss, then?" he asks with a stupidly, devastatingly criminally attractive smile. Regulus wants to bite him.

 

“Hm,” he pretends to consider it, tapping his pointer finger to his chin. "I'll allow it," he says in an impressively calm voice, like his heart isn't beating out of his chest with excitement at the moment. Regulus doesn't understand why he's so excited. He has kissed James before and done much more than kissing, several times, in fact. So, it feels silly to be this affected by the thought of kissing James, but he’s affected all the same.

 

James grabs Regulus gently by his waist after he gets his approval and pulls him against his chest. His other hand comes up to Regulus’s face, cradling his cheek and then jaw gently, he leans in, and Regulus closes his eyes, his breath catching. He’s holding his breath, waiting for the kiss, but it doesn’t come. Regulus opens his eyes to find James impossibly close, watching him.

 

“I’m getting old over here waiting, Potter,” he huffs in annoyance.

 

“You’re so pretty,” James whispers against his lips before closing the distance.

 

Regulus thinks he has never been kissed like this before. James kisses him slowly like it's the first time, and he has all the time in the world to explore Regulus. But no matter how sweetly he kisses Regulus, lust and want still seep through his gentle exploration. James drops the hand on Regulus's face to his back, wrapping Regulus tightly against himself. Regulus throws his hands around James's shoulder, one hand safely tucked in his nape. The way James holds Regulus to himself makes him feel like he wants to make a place for himself in Regulus's chest. Regulus fears that he's already succeeded. Their chests pressed against one another, their arms holding each other as tight as possible, they kiss. Regulus doesn't know for how long, but when they finally separate, it feels too short anyway.

 

"Fuck," he whispers, sounding wrecked even to his own ears.

 

"Fuck, indeed," James agrees, sounding just as wrecked, and rests his forehead against Regulus's, still holding him flush against himself.

 

Regulus indulges himself with another kiss, chaste and sweet. When they part, James buries his head into the crook of Regulus’s neck and plants an open-mouthed, hot kiss there, tongue and all. Regulus shivers at the contact and rethinks this not putting out on the first date idea. James stays there for a couple of long seconds, and Regulus lets him, hooking his chin on James's shoulder.

They part, and James takes a step back, holding Regulus's hands. Regulus immediately misses the warmth of James’s body against his, but he gets distracted when he notices the considerable bulge in James's dark jeans. James chuckles, drawing Regulus's attention back to his face, and Regulus realizes he's been caught ogling. He can feel his face redden and hopes it's not noticeable in the night. It feels stupid to blush at stuff like this, considering the things they've already done.

 

"I'll text you," James says, smiling.

 

“Oh, will you, now?” Regulus taunts as they stand there, face to face holding hands and trying to walk away from each other.

 

James looks at him for a second before pulling Regulus by his hands to himself and capturing his lips once again.

 

“Yes,” he mumbles against Regulus’s lips in between kisses.

 

“Yeah?” Regulus asks, not being able to stop the smile that follows. James nods and kisses him, kisses him, kisses him…

 

Time loses its meaning more and more the longer they kiss, and Regulus knows he’s never lost himself like this in nobody’s kiss before. He feels himself falling deeper and deeper as he sends a quiet prayer hoping James will catch him.

 

They stop kissing only after someone across the street whistles at them while the others around them make suggestive noises. They part, chuckling bashfully, but still stay close.

 

"I should go," James says, sounding like it's the last thing he wants. It might be the last thing Regulus wants as well.

 

"Hm-mm," Regulus hums in agreement, not trusting himself with words. James steps back, their hands slowly parting. It's a bit too dramatic, considering they'll probably see each other in a couple of days, but it makes Regulus feels giddy all the same.

 

James almost trips over something as he tries to walk backwards, and they both break into loud laughter, clutching their stomachs, trying to breathe through it. James steps closer to Regulus one more time and gives him a short kiss cradling Regulus's face in his hands as if Regulus is precious. Before Regulus can cling to James’s shirt and pull James to himself, James steps back.

 

"Okay, okay, I'm going. Jesus, Reg," he runs his hand through his hair roughly, looking a bit ruffled.

 

"I told you, it's just Regulus," Regulus can't help but say. James sends him a look that says, 'Seriously?’ but he still breaks into a grin.

 

They stare at each other for a charged second, and Regulus wonders why he's depriving himself of James and probably a night of mind-blowing sex. It's kind of silly how he wants to prove to himself and maybe James that this is more than just sex.

 

“I’m going,” James says once more, trying to sound more determined.

 

"Yeah," Regulus's voice croaks.

 

“I’ll see you soon, yeah?” James tilts his head slightly in question.

 

“Yeah, yes, soon,” Regulus rushes out immediately and earns himself a blinding smile.

 

And if Regulus stands there, watching James’s back as he walks away, that’s simply no one’s business.

 

So, Regulus didn't fuck James after their first date, but he might've texted him a couple of days later, saying, "You should come over and fuck me." And fuck, they did. He remembers James making him come on his tongue first and then on his cock as he fucked Regulus hard and fast into his bed. He remembers thinking how right it felt to see James in his bed, naked and sweaty.

 


 

Regulus has been aware of and accepted the depth of his feelings for three weeks now. They have been seeing each other for almost two months and Regulus still feels like it’s not enough time for him to feel this strongly. They haven’t even talked about labels yet; hell, he doesn’t even know if he’s James’s boyfriend. But it’s getting harder and harder each day to not blurt out his stupid feelings. He catches James doing something, anything, and he thinks, God, I love him. They have lazy, slow morning sex, and Regulus thinks fuck, I love him. James rants about his new hyper-fixation, jumping from point to point, making Regulus dizzy with all the information, and Regulus thinks I love him, I love him,IlovehimIlovehimIlovehim…

 

"So would you wanna be my date to, like, a work event?" James asks while he continues playing with Regulus’s fingers. They’re watching a movie that Regulus hasn’t been paying attention to because James sat between his legs and lied on his chest, bringing Regulus's arms around his shoulders and has not stopped playing with Regulus's fingers since the movie started.

 

“What kind of event?” Regulus asks even though the answer is already a yes.

 

“Um, nothing big, just like a fund-raising dinner," James answers, sounding distracted.

 

“When?”

 

“This Saturday.”

 

"Sure," Regulus tells him finally, and James turns around to face him.

 

“Yeah?” he asks with more excitement than Regulus was expecting.

 

“Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t I?” Regulus asks back, confused by James’s surprised reaction.

 

“I don’t know, it’ll probably be boring, or you might have like other plans,” James says as he turns back around and lies on Regulus’s chest again.

 

"Well, lucky for you, I don't have plans. Also, I'm sure you'll do or say something stupid enough to entertain me," he teases. James brings Regulus’s hand to his mouth and kisses his knuckles.

 

"Lucky me," he mumbles against Regulus's skin softly, and Regulus loves him, loves him, loveshimloveshimloveshim…

 


 

James picks him up on the day of the event with his parents' car, and when Regulus gets out of his building, he finds James, who's in a dark blue suit that's obviously tailored, looking at the way it compliments James's body, leaning against the car looking down at his phone, his legs crossed.

When James hears the building door opening, he looks up from his phone with a devilishly handsome smile. His smile turns into a look of hunger as Regulus makes his way to him.

 

“Fuck me,” James says when Regulus is close enough to hear him. Regulus smirks.

 

“Hm, maybe later,” he tells James.

 

James puts his phone in his pocket and reaches out to pull Regulus to himself.

 

“Hey, handsome,” James greets him with a small kiss after.

 

“Mm, hey,” Regulus responds after the kiss, his eyes still closed.

 

“It’s unfair, you know,” James says with a smile in his voice.

 

"What's unfair?" Regulus asks with a smirk, finally opening his eyes to look into James's.

 

“The way you look. How am I supposed to do anything else when you look like this? Really fucking rude if you ask me.”

 

Regulus chuckles, "not my problem," he says, not trying to suppress the fond smile that's probably on his face now. James kisses him again as Regulus runs his hand gently through James's styled hair.

 

“I think I like it better when it’s messy,” he tells James absentmindedly when they part. James chuckles.

 

“You don’t like it?”

 

"No, no, it's good," he breathes before continuing, "You look really good, James."

 

"Hm, thank you, baby," he mumbles against Regulus's lips before kissing him again.

 

They drive to the event after Regulus pushes himself off James’s chest and tells him to get in the car. Regulus gets unreasonably turned on by James’s driving. He wasn’t even aware that was a turn-on he could have. He keeps his hands and thoughts to himself, though, not wanting to risk an accident. Before they go in, James kisses him thoroughly in the car, saying, "So I can keep it in my pants the whole night." 

 

The place is much fancier than Regulus expected, James had made it seem like it wasn’t a big deal, but the size of the event begs to differ. James waves at some people and says hi while walking past them as he drags Regulus to the bar. He gets a glass of water, and Regulus gets himself champagne. They lean back against the bar, surveying the scene. James tells him all the gossip he can remember about the people they see with his own special commentary making Regulus laugh more than once. Regulus notices a blonde woman walking toward them with determination.

 

“Jesus, Potter, you have a type, huh?” the blonde woman asks once she’s in hearing distance. Regulus notices she’s walking kind of wobbly, and he is incredibly confused as to what she means and tries his best to not let his mind wander off.

 

“Hello to you too, Iris," James says, sounding annoyed. It's so interesting to see James being even slightly rude to people; Regulus thinks something must be wrong with him, considering how he finds it attractive.

 

"Hello, hello, I'm Iris," she tells Regulus as she holds her hand out for Regulus to shake. Regulus does shake it even though he doesn't particularly want it, but it's James's work, so he'll play nice.

 

"Hello, Iris. I'm Regulus," he says, trying to sound pleasant.

 

"Regulus, that's interesting. God, James, where do you find these pretty boys with weird names?" she turns to James, and Regulus turns to James as well, barely catching his eye roll.

 

"I'm really talented like that," James tells her; he looks so disinterested that Regulus can't help being impressed. Iris either doesn't notice it or just ignores it.

 

“Well, Regulus, are you single?” she asks, and Regulus almost barks out a laugh in surprise.

 

“Jesus, Iris, give it a break, will you? You can't just hit on people's dates," James says. He looks and sounds really fucking annoyed.

 

“Well, the last one was just a friend. How am I supposed to know if you're dating your dates or not if I don’t ask?” she asks like she’s genuinely curious, and Regulus is almost impressed with her absolute lack of manners.

 

"Who's this other date?" Regulus asks, trying to disrupt the unnecessary tension.

 

“Oh, it was Sirius," James tells him, all of the tension melting away when he looks at Regulus, making Regulus feel all warm inside.

 

"Ah, that makes sense," Regulus chuckles, and James smiles at him.

 

"What makes sense?" Iris asks, and James shoots her a look that says why are you still here?

 

"Sirius is my brother, so that's…." Regulus makes a gesture to complete his sentence instead of words.

 

“Ah, that does make sense. Jesus, you’re one beautiful family, aren’t you?” James sighs loudly beside him. “So, Regulus, I noticed you haven’t answered my question,” Iris looks at him expectantly.

 

“Um, what?”

 

“Are you single?”

 

“Jesus, Iris, no, he isn't," James says frustratedly as he wraps an arm around Regulus's waist and pulls him closer. Regulus feels the heat pooling in his stomach at the gesture.

 

Iris raises her hands in surrender, “Geez, James, territorial much?” she teases, and James looks like he wants to bite her head off.

 

"I'm also, like, very gay," Regulus interrupts trying to distract James.

 

“Oh, well, you win some, you lose some,” she shrugs before turning around and leaving them at the.

 

“So, I take it you’re not the biggest fan of dear Iris,” Regulus asks as he turns his body slightly toward James and puts his hand on the small of his back. James sighs loudly.

 

“I don’t think I’ve hated anyone as much as I hate her.”

 

"Oh my, James Potter hates someone. What has the world come to?" Regulus says, feigning shock. James rolls his eyes at him, and Regulus wants to bite him or kiss him or suck his cock; he doesn't know.

 

“She is just so annoying and casually racist and casually homophobic, and it makes no sense that she’s working here. Well, at least she’s on the financial team.”

 

"Thank fuck for small mercies," Regulus mumbles as he pushes James's hair back gently. James turns to him, grabbing his wrist and placing a kiss on his palm.

 

"God, you're cute," someone says, and they break out of their bubble to turn to the source of the voice, and when James sees who it is, he breaks into a genuine smile.

 

“Oh, I’m so fucking glad you’re here,” James says as he lets go of Regulus to hug the woman. She's beautiful, Regulus thinks, with her tight curls and sharp features. She's wearing a simple yet elegant-looking sapphire green dress, which looks irresistible on her dark complexion. She turns to Regulus when they break apart and smiles at him. She looks ethereal, Regulus thinks.

 

“And you must be Regulus,” she says with mischief in her voice.

 

“Um, yeah,” Regulus doesn’t know how to speak. Fucking hell, does James only work with insanely good-looking people.

 

“Well, it’s so good to finally meet James’s boyfriend after listening to him ramble on and on about him,” she says, and Regulus's heart tries to escape his chest. Boyfriend? Has James been referring to Regulus as his boyfriend all this time while Regulus was wondering if they were an official couple?

 

“Anita!” James warns her without malice but doesn’t correct her. He looks like he’s blushing, and Regulus barely holds himself back from kissing James right there.

 

"What? What's fair is fair, baby," she tells James seeming fond, and Regulus absolutely understands.

 

They chat with her until the dinner starts being served, and then they go to find their seats. They're seated with people James doesn't know very closely, but he makes easy conversation while Regulus contributes occasionally. James bids for a vacation for his parents in the auction and wins. Regulus indulges himself with champagne through the evening to help with his nerves and social deficiencies. When they’re finally walking back to the car with James’s hand on his back, Regulus realizes he might be a little tipsy.

 

“I might be tipsy,” he tells James, so he knows.

 

"Oh, you don't say," James chuckles a little; he sounds like he's mocking Regulus, so Regulus stops turning to James just a couple of steps away from James's parents' car. 

 

“Why are you making fun of me?” he asks in earnest.

 

"I'm not making fun of you, baby. You're just really cute, that’s all," James tells him, looking fond.

 

"I like it when you call me baby," he tells James, so he knows. James presses his lips against one another, looking as if he's trying not to laugh. Regulus must’ve made a face because James starts explaining himself.

 

"Oh, don't look like that. Baby," he reaches for Regulus as he tries to walk away. "I'm not making fun of you, I'd never," he tells Regulus pulling him to his chest and kissing his cheeks. He keeps planting small kisses until Regulus starts laughing.

 

“Okay, okay, I believe you. Let’s go,” he says as he gets out of James’s embrace and starts pulling him to the car.

 

When they get into the car, James helps Regulus with his belt. For some reason, Regulus's hands aren't working as well as they usually do. Since James is already within kissing distance, Regulus grabs his face and kisses him. James kisses back at first but then pulls away, making Regulus whine in protest.

 

"Baby," he tries to soothe Regulus's protests, but Regulus pulls him into a kiss again. They kiss for a couple of seconds.

 

“You should fuck me,” he mumbles against James’s lips. James huffs out a breathy laugh.

 

“No can do, baby,” he tells Regulus as he pulls away.

 

"What do you mean? Do you not want me? Did I do something? I tried to be good," Regulus rushes out, feeling distressed.

 

"What?" James seems shocked for a second before he continues, "Baby, no, no, you were perfect. And you don't need to be good or whatever for me," he shakes his head, and Regulus thinks it's not at Regulus, but himself. "It's… um, you're really drunk, Reg. I didn't notice how much you had to drink, but you seemed to enjoy yourself, so who cares. Well, future you might," he smiles at Regulus.

 

"But you're my boyfriend. You can fuck me, come on," Regulus tries to convince James even though they're still in the parking lot.

 

"Uh, absolutely not," James says, looking upset, and Regulus feels his heart drop.

 

“But, but, you said it. I didn’t call you— I haven’t been calling you, my boyfriend. God, I promise—”

 

“Reg, Reg, calm down, love, that’s not what I meant. I mean, I thought we were boyfriends, but we can talk if you prefer something else—”

 

“No! I want—I, I want that,” he interrupts James.

 

"Okay, that's, yeah, that's great. We should probably talk about it when you're sober as well, but yeah, that's… Um, my earlier reaction was about the sex part. Being your boyfriend doesn't give me like an all-time pass, you know. And I kind of doubt you'll remember this talk tomorrow, so you're definitely too drunk to consent."

 

“I don’t think so,” he’s interrupted by a hiccup, “I’m like a little tipsy,” he tries to reassure James as he continues hiccupping.

 

“Well, I’d rather we wait. We can have all the sex you want tomorrow when you’re sober.” He smiles fondly at Regulus before giving him a small kiss on his temple and turns to start the car.

 

Regulus must’ve fallen asleep because the next time he opens his eyes, they’re in front of James’s building. James guides him through with a hand on the small of his back and Regulus remembers James calling him his boyfriend and starts grinning to himself.

 

"Why are you smiling like that?" James asks, amused as he tries to unlock the door.

 

"Boyfriends," Regulus mumbles, and James turns to smile at him.

 

He doesn't know how he suddenly ended up in James's bed wearing James's t-shirt, but he doesn't really care because James lies beside him. The last thing he remembers is James kissing his temple and murmuring, "Good night, love”.

 


 

Regulus wakes up with a pounding headache and a couple of choice profanities on his tongue.

 

"Fuck me," he grunts, burying his face in the pillow that suspiciously smells like James's detergent and trying to avoid sunlight from killing him.

 

“Oh, that does not sound good,” James mumbles next to him. Oh, he slept over at James’s last night. The previous night starts coming back to him in flashes.

 

“There is Powerade and painkiller to your left,” James tells him softly.

 

Regulus tries to navigate through the bedside table without opening his eyes. His mouth is painfully dry, and it tastes like something died in it; he hates himself for a second before chugging the painkiller and the Powerade, then buries his face back to the pillow, falling back to sleep as someone gently runs their fingers through his hair.

 

The next time he wakes up he feels a lot better, but he’s both a tiny bit nauseous and really hungry so he gets up to go to the kitchen.

 

“Good morning, love,” James says when he finally finds himself in the kitchen. James is sitting down at the kitchen table with his laptop open, furiously typing something.

 

“Hey,” Regulus mumbles.

 

"Kettle's hot. Do you want some tea and maybe breakfast, although it's almost lunchtime," James smiles at him, stopping writing for a second before going back.

 

“Yeah, breakfast would be nice.”

 

"I bought you a bagel sandwich. It's in the fridge, you could microwave it," James tells him absentmindedly.

 

Regulus gets the sandwich from the fridge and the teabag from the cupboard and prepares his food. When everything's ready, he sits down across from James at the table.

 

“What you doin’?” he asks James in between bites.

 

“Uh, it’s nothing,” he says without looking at Regulus.

 

“Doesn’t look like nothing,” Regulus says with amusement.

 

"Just like a stupid story, I was inspired," James mumbles, seeming uncharacteristically shy.

 

“Hm, can I read?”

 

“What? No. Why would you—I mean, no, I’d rather if you didn’t.” James looks genuinely embarrassed, and Regulus doesn’t know how to handle that.

 

A couple of silent minutes later, James closes his laptop and looks at Regulus with a fond smile.

 

"Good?" he asks, pointing at Regulus's almost-finished sandwich.

 

“Hm-mm,” Regulus hums.

 

"Better now?" James asks, probably thinking about how shitty Regulus looked earlier. Regulus nods.

 

"So, how much of last night do you remember?" James asks tentatively, and Regulus is immediately attacked with a flurry of memories. He must look stricken in response because James gets a look in his eyes that is entirely too soft and understanding.

 

“It’s okay if you said stuff you didn't actually mean. I mean, you were drunk. I'm not gonna hold you to that," Regulus can tell James is trying his best to not look or sound hurt. God, a fucking martyr through and through, isn't he.

 

"What are you talking about?" Regulus tries to sound as calm as possible.

 

"Ah, the conversation in the car. Do you not remember, then?" Regulus cringes when he recalls how he tried to convince James to have sex with him and then sulked when he did the right thing.

 

"Jesus, I'm so sorry. God, I don't know what came over me. I should watch how much I drink, fuck," he rushes out in one breath, feeling more embarrassed than he had felt in a long time.

 

"What? Why are you apologizing? I mean, it's fine if you don't wanna be my boyfriend, Reg, but fuck, at least don't act like it's a terrible thought, won't you?" James sounds brittle like he's trying his best to control his emotions, probably for Regulus's sake.

 

"What?" he asks without thinking, but then he remembers how James said Regulus wasn't single to Iris and how he told Anita Regulus was his boyfriend, and he can’t help but feel giddy.

 

When he looks back at James, he sees a fleeting look of hurt before James turns his gaze somewhere else, and his heart breaks for him. God, he's really shit at this boyfriend gig already.

 

"James," James doesn't look back at him; God, he has really hurt James, didn't he. "Jamie, can you look at me?" Fortunately for Regulus, the nickname and his soft tone get him the desired response.

 

“Hm?” James asks, not daring to speak, it seems.

 

“I was apologizing about the fact that how I basically tried to pressure you into having sex with me. God, how fucking embarrassing. I’m really sorry.” He sees something akin to hope flare in James’s gaze.

 

"It's fine, happens to the best of us," he mumbles, Regulus can barely hear him. He doesn't think he's ever seen James retreat into himself like this.

 

"It's not fine, and I ought to watch how much I'm drinking, clearly. Thank you for not taking me up on it," he tries to give James a small smile, but James just shakes his head.

 

“You don’t have to thank me for not fucking you when you obviously couldn’t consent. I mean, that’d be called something else,” James tells him defiantly.

 

“Um, I guess, yeah. Shit. Sorry,” James shakes his head again but more fondly this time as if to say don’t apologize.

 

They sit in silence for a while, James mostly avoiding his gaze.

 

"And, about the other thing," Regulus starts, and James's attention snaps back to him immediately. "I did mean it, you know," he tries his best to say it clearly, but he can't; he's suddenly too fucking shy, it seems.

 

"Other thing being my boyfriend?" James asks cautiously, and Regulus nods in response while holding his gaze. James sighs with relief, and Regulus can see the tension in his body resolve.

 

“Thank fuck, Reg, you nearly had me crying for a second there,” he tells Regulus with fond exasperation.

 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to," he mumbles, feeling small and embarrassed and like a shit boyfriend.

 

James shakes his head, "I know, baby. Come on, don't be like that. I'm not angry or anything. It was like a minute. I'm just being a drama queen," he tries to soothe Regulus's worry as he pulls Regulus to his lap. Regulus goes willingly.

 

James wraps his arms around him and looks up at him with such warm affection that Regulus feels off-kilter all of a sudden. James kisses him on his cheek and then his jaw, then his neck. Sweet, small, affectionate kisses all over Regulus's face and neck or wherever he can reach, really.

 

“Why are you upset?” James murmurs against his neck.

 

"I'm already a shit boyfriend. You sure you want this?" he asks, trying his best to not show how afraid he is of failing at this and losing James; he doesn't think he could bear it.

 

James gently directs Regulus’s face to make him look at James’s eyes with a feather-light touch of his hand.

 

"You're not a shit boyfriend, and I want this so much, you have no idea," James says in a determined tone that warms Regulus all over.

 

“I’m sorry about—”

 

"Nope," James interrupts him immediately. "You've got nothing to be sorry about. You got a little drunk, so what? It happens, at least you're a very cute drunk," he winks exaggeratedly.

 

“But you shouldn’t—”

 

“La la la, I can’t hear you,” James interrupts again childishly and loudly.

 

“James,” Regulus says, a bit frustrated.

 

“Hm, love?” James asks with such an earnest expression on his face that makes Regulus want to scream or bite him.

 

Regulus brings a hand to James's face cradling it gently, and leans down to give James a slow and sweet kiss. James tightens his hold around him like he wants them to become one like he never wants to let go of Regulus. And Regulus loves him, loves him, loves him…

 

When they part, James looks lovely with his flushed cheeks and kiss-swollen lips and warm eyes. He is too damn pretty; Regulus can't help but think, so he tells James exactly that.

 

"You're too damn pretty," he whispers against James's lips and kissing him once more.

 

“Reg, I—”

 

"Oh, my God! Not in my fucking kitchen you bloody arseholes," Sirius shrieks behind them almost making James drop Regulus in surprise. He doesn't, although he loosens his grip.

 

“Fuck right off, Sirius,” Regulus flips him off, actually pissed because it feels like Sirius interrupted something big.

 

“You find that it’s my kitchen you’re defiling,” Sirius says as he makes a beeline toward the kettle.

 

“Well, it’s also my boyfriend’s kitchen so as I’ve said, you can fuck right off,” Regulus rushes out, still incredibly annoyed at Sirius’s terrible timing. He hears James chuckle in delight against his shoulder and Regulus’s annoyance starts to go away.

 

Sirius turns toward them, leaning back against the counter. First, he glares at them, probably because Regulus is still stubbornly wrapped around James and sitting in his lap. Normally he would get off and go back to his chair, still not feeling very comfortable with PDA, but he stays put just to annoy Sirius. And also, maybe because he doesn't want to stop touching James, not now.

 

“Your boyfriend, ha?” Sirius asks, sounding curious.

 

"Yep," Regulus says, as biting as possible while trying to control his blushing.

 

“James?” Sirius turns his gaze and the unspoken question toward James. They stare at each other for a couple of very long seconds, silently communicating with their eyes before James finally says something.

 

"What he said," he tells Sirius as he tightens his grip on Regulus and turns to plant a quick kiss on Regulus's jaw.

 

Sirius watches them for a bit, not making any dramatic noises of disgust at their casual affection, and then he nods.

 

"Good, I'm happy for you both," he says, somehow sounding both soft and stern. "Don't fucking hurt my baby brother, James," he adds without any trace of humour.

 

Regulus can't help but feel grateful for his brother right then. He feels like his heart swells up at Sirius's protectiveness. He knows what James and Sirius have is special, they're not just friends. No matter how much it annoys him, he thinks they're soulmates of sorts, platonic ones, of course. So, whenever his brother tells James something like "Don't break his heart", all the residual anger Regulus had for James for stealing his brother and Sirius for choosing James over him as a kid evaporates. He feels like it's possible all of them can love one another, and no one has to choose a side. He feels like he matters to his brother as much as James does. Regulus blinks away the tears that threaten to spill discreetly, hoping neither man noticed.

 

“I won’t,” James says with a fierce confidence Regulus can’t help but trust.

 


 

Regulus hangs around James’s flat all day with James, his brother and occasionally Remus, who has to read papers of summer class students. It’s around nine pm when James finally makes up an excuse to drag Regulus into his room, leaving his brother curled up on the sofa with his boyfriend.

 

"Use protection, kids," Remus yells after them and then shrieks, "fucking hell, pads," they hear him complain.

 

James pushes him against the closed door the second they get in the room and kisses him. Deeply, slow, laced with want and desire and probably affection.

 

“I’ve wanted to do this all day,” he mumbles against Regulus’s lips in between kisses. All Regulus can do is nod as James takes him apart and puts him back together with his kisses.

 

“God, Reg, can’t believe you’re mine,” James whispers against his neck making Regulus shiver. Mine, mine, mine… his mind turns James’s word into a mantra.

 

Regulus pulls back, or rather pushes James off slightly, but still holds him close and looks at him. He lets his gaze travel through every detail on James's stupidly gorgeous face.

 

“Are you also mine, then?” he asks in a raspy voice. God, how James manages to wreck him with a couple of kisses, he’ll never understand.

 

“If you want me to be, then yeah,” he tells Regulus as he gently pushes a lock of Regulus’s hair away from his face. He touches Regulus so gently that sometimes Regulus believes he might shatter under his touch as if he’s actually precious.

 

“Mine, then,” Regulus says fiercely before pulling James down for another kiss.

 

James puts one leg between Regulus's and grabs Regulus's arse with both hands before making him grind against his thigh. An unexpected moan escapes Regulus's lips, and James swallows it. Their kiss is all tongues and teeth and desperation, as if they haven't touched each other in years, as if they've been deprived. Oh, how Regulus wants him, always this desperately. Regulus knows he won't be able to come like this, but it feels too good to stop and make their way to the bed.

 

“James,” he mumbles against James’s lips.

 

"Yeah?" James asks, sounding as breathless as Regulus feels. He starts kissing down Regulus's neck, playing with the sensitive skin there, sucking, kissing, biting, and nipping.

 

"I… um, oh fuck, James, James—" he's interrupted by another moan when James starts sucking the skin where Regulus's neck meets his shoulder. He bites down on his lip, trying to stifle his moans; even though he loves annoying his brother, he doesn’t actually want to traumatize him.

 

When James is done with sucking a no-doubt beautiful bruise, he continues playing with the abused skin with his teeth. Gently dragging his teeth, making Regulus feel the shape of them but not biting.

 

"James," he pants once more. James just hums against Regulus's skin, making Regulus curse.

 

“Baby,” he says without realizing and that gets James’s attention, making him pull back and look into Regulus’s eyes.

 

“Baby?” he asks with a rough voice; Regulus fears he’s being made fun of.

 

"Oh, fuck off. You say it all the time, and it must've—" James interrupts his rushed explanation with a quick and hard kiss.

 

"Say it again," James whispers. Regulus just stares at him, wondering what good he's actually done to deserve this man in front of him.

 

Regulus tilts his head, bringing his lips to James’s but stops just a breath away, "Baby," he whispers into James's lips, his room, this night.

 

"God," James mumbles sounding absolutely wrecked, before capturing Regulus's lips in a heated kiss.

 

James takes a step back from him, making Regulus miss the heat of his body, but he doesn't break their kiss as he walks them to the bed. He sits down, pulling Regulus into his lap, all while still kissing him like his life depends on it. Regulus rolls his hips and grinds down on James's hard cock. He wants to feel it in his hand, his mouth, his hole; he can't decide which one he needs more. James breaks their kiss with heavy breathing.

 

“Can you— would you wanna sit on my face?” he asks Regulus, sounding incredibly turned on, which turns Regulus on even more.

 

"God, yes, James, yes, fuck," he doesn't know what to do with himself. He suspects it's the boyfriend talk that made him this desperate. He wants to laugh at how James calling him his boyfriend is a huge turn-on, but he’s distracted when James kisses him again quick and needy. He gets off James’s lap, his hand going to his—well, James’s pyjama bottoms but James stops him.

 

"Let me," he says looking up sweetly at Regulus who just nods, dropping his hands to his side.

 

He half expects James to rip his clothes with how they've been acting but James undresses him carefully, kissing his navel, his sternum, his hip bones, and his thigh. Regulus feels high on James's soft touches, he feels loved, and for a second, he dares to think he might be.

 

After some manoeuvring, he finally finds himself hovering above James's face completely naked with his knees on either side of James's head. James's hands are on Regulus's thighs, slowly moving up and down.

 

“Reg?” James says with a question in his voice.

 

"Ready?" Regulus asks in response, and James nods.

 

He slowly lowers himself on James's tongue. The first wet slide of James's tongue has him weak in the knees, so he grabs onto the headboard, trying to keep his balance. James is relentless after that; he even pulls Regulus more to his face, almost as if he's trying to drown himself in Regulus's wetness. Regulus tries his best to not actually smother James and also keep quiet which is getting more and more difficult. He tries to lift himself off a little so he can give James a little space to breathe, but James just wraps one arm around his waist and one arm around just below his arse and pulls him back, making Regulus writhe in pleasure above him. The hand above Regulus's arse slowly makes its way down to his arse. James pushes one finger between Regulus's arse cheeks and starts rubbing at his hole, not pushing in but just gently rubbing. They'd talked about it once if Regulus likes anal and Regulus told him he's never actually gone beyond two fingers up his arse but that he likes fingering himself when the mood strikes. Regulus moans at the sensation, feeling overwhelmed, his fingers clenched tightly around the headboard.

 

“James, fuck, so good, God,” he starts mumbling and thinks he can almost feel James smile beneath him, probably realizing Regulus is really close.

 

Regulus finds himself grinding his hardness down on James’s tongue. He doesn’t know when he started doing that, but James doesn’t seem to be complaining. He’s so close, he can feel it, almost taste it. Coming on James’s tongue always feels amazing, world-shattering even, but Regulus had never ridden his face like this before and that thought, the eroticism of it all finally pushes Regulus over the edge. He can feel his legs shake with the power of his orgasm, he stops moving to try to keep himself upright, but James continues to lick and suck Regulus's swollen dick. Regulus feels a shiver run down his body at the thought of calling it his dick.

 

"James," he can't even speak properly, but James understands and stops, helping Regulus to lie down on his back. James lies next to him on his side, still in his t-shirt and shorts; his t-shirt seems to be soaked. James sees Regulus eyeing his top, and whatever expression Regulus has on his face moves him to take it off before lying back down again.

 

"Good?" he asks with a self-satisfied smirk knowing damn well it was good. Regulus wants to scoff at him, but he can't find it in himself to do it because it was that good, so he nods.

 

"Left you speechless, didn't I?" James grins, and Regulus swats at him half-heartedly, making James chuckle.

 

James moves his jaw around a little, probably sore from all the face riding. Regulus wants to laugh; instead, he turns to James bringing a hand to his jaw. It's still coated with Regulus's juices, and he thinks about licking it off, cleaning James's face with his tongue. So, he does. James makes a surprised noise at Regulus's sudden movement but doesn't stop him; he lets Regulus lick his jaw, chin, lips, and cheeks. When Regulus is satisfied with his work, he finds James's lips again and kisses him deeply, licking into his mouth and exploring with his tongue.

 

“How do you wanna get off?” he asks James when he finally pulls back. James’s lips look so red and plumb that Regulus has a hard time not latching back onto them.

 

“Dunno, don’t care, just touch me,” James mumbles chasing Regulus’s lips, and Regulus lets him.

 

He palms James through his shorts and feels James groan against his lips. God, how Regulus loves touching James, holding his cock in his hand, making James fuck his fist. Regulus hastily pushes James’s shorts down, not bothering with more foreplay because he's already desperate for it; he can only imagine how desperate James must feel.

 

They both sigh when Regulus finally wraps his finger around James's hard, leaking, hot, beautiful cock. He rubs his palm against the head, trying to gather the wetness there before sliding his hand down James’s length. James lets out breathy moans into Regulus’s mouth as Regulus jerks him off. It’s probably not his best work, James has really tired him out with that orgasm, but he loves feeling the warmth of James’s cock and he wants to see him come. Although, the way James writhing against him would have you think it’s the best goddamn hand job he’s ever gotten, but maybe James has also been keyed up all day from the boyfriend talk like Regulus. Maybe just feeling his boyfriend’s hand wrapped around him is enough to get him off.

 

“Jamie,” he pants against James’s wet lips when they break apart.

 

“Love it when you call me that,” James rushes out in a whisper, his hips bucking up making him fuck Regulus’s fist.

 

“Hm, what about baby, baby,” Regulus tries to hold back his grin.

 

“Fuck yes, please,” James pants against him.

 

“Jesus, James, you’re desperate, aren’t you?” Regulus says with affection hoping James can tell.

 

“For you? Always,” James tries to tell him with a smirk but when Regulus starts jerking him off faster, he throws his head back, his eyes rolling back his teeth biting into his bottom lip hard enough to draw blood.

 

“Yes, God, yes, Reg, don’t stop, please,” he rambles with ecstasy.

 

"Are you gonna come for me, baby?" James nods, groaning, probably at the nickname. "Cause I want you to, Jamie. I want you to come all over me. Can you do that for me, baby?"

 

It takes James maybe a second or to come all over both their stomachs after that. Regulus keeps stroking him until James pulls away with a wince and lies on his back, his eyes closed, breathing heavily. Regulus grabs a couple of wet wipes and cleans them both; James keeps his eyes closed through it.

 

"You okay?" Regulus asks, beginning to worry.

 

“More than,” he is so breathless still. “Fucking hell, Reg, how the fuck can you make me come my brains out with just a hand job?” he asks bewildered causing Regulus to chuckle.

 

Regulus nestles himself into James's side, wrapping his arms around him. While James is still lying down trying to get his bearings, Regulus starts planting small kisses wherever he can reach. He catches James's smile in between kisses and kisses his smile too. James wraps his arms around him and tightly pulls Regulus to himself. He buries his nose in Regulus's hair and mumbles something Regulus can't hear.

 

"What's that?" Regulus asks curiously.

 

James brings a finger under Regulus’s chin and makes him tilt his head up. They stare at each other like lovesick fools, Regulus imagines.

 

"I just remembered how Iris hit on you in front of me," he says, sounding incredulous. Regulus thinks that's probably not what he muttered into his hair but doesn't pester.

 

"Yeah, she was a character, wasn't she?" he smiles fondly at the memory of last night, remembering how James pulled Regulus to himself, telling Iris off.

 

"That's one way of putting it," James grumbles, and Regulus chuckles.

 

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you be blatantly rude to someone; it was kind of hot,” he tells James looking into his eyes.

 

"Oh, is that what gets you going then?" James asks, raising his eyebrows.  

 

"I think it's just you that gets me going," Regulus answers without thinking, but before he can feel embarrassed, James smiles fondly at him and leans down to kiss him sweetly.

 

“I do actually despise her and not just because she hit on my boyfriend, in front of me,” James still sounds annoyed at that part no matter what he says.

 

"Yeah, I could tell Potter you didn't try to hide it. In fact, I’m pretty sure you straight-up told me you hate her. I think I was actually nicer than you." James scowls at that, and Regulus has to kiss his frown away; he just has to.

 

“Also, again, you do know I'm absolutely, one hundred per cent gay, right?" he quirks a brow at James.

 

“That’s not the point, it’s just fucking rude. You don’t just hit on people’s dates. Not a surprise though, God, she has no boundaries.”

 

"Wow, you really do hate her. I like this side of you. It makes me feel less guilty about being a spiteful bitch," he says while brushing James's hair back with his fingers.

 

“I like you, you know?" James says, suddenly sounding much more serious. Regulus stops running his fingers through James's hair; he feels frozen.

 

"You do know that, right, Reg? I like you so fucking much, and I don't want you to change, ever. Not for me, not for anyone," James tells him holding his gaze. Regulus doesn't know what to say, he feels like crying, but he can't. He can't think, move, or talk; he just stares at the open expression on James's face.

 

"Tell me you know that baby," he says in a whisper, and Regulus finally moves, nodding his head.

 

"Okay, good, that's good," James says more to himself, probably and leans down to kiss Regulus slowly, sweetly, lovingly.

 

And Regulus kisses him back, thinking I love you, I love you, I love you…

 

 

 

Notes:

i hope that was enjoyable! thank you for reading.

i am back once again, updating this series even though i should be writing my thesis instead but adhd is kicking my ass unfortunately.

also i fear james has become a self-insert for yours truly...

i might have one more chapter in me for this series but after that idk what'll happen.

kudos and comments are very much appreciated <3

love,
z

Series this work belongs to: