Chapter Text
Seungkwan
Hi Wonwoo hyung. I hope you’re doing better.
3:15pm
Wonwoo
I’m okay, thanks Seungkwan.
3:16pm
Seungkwan
Have you eaten?
3:16pm
Wonwoo
.No, not yet
3:17pm
Seungkwan
Oh okay, I’m coming over right now and bringing food.
And don't argue.
3:18pm
"Jeez, what happened here?" Is the first thing Seungkwan says as Wonwoo makes space for him to enter the apartment, closing the door behind him as the younger one scrutinizes the place.
"It seems like a hurricane took place here." Seungkwan adds as he makes a beeline to the kitchen, placing the bag he was carrying on the counter.
"Thanks." Wonwoo rolls his eyes at the nagging and follows along. He knew he had it coming; Seungkwan was all about tough love – Despite the age difference, he was not afraid to call out his hyungs, but it was his way of taking care of those close to him. Seungkwan was always checking up on his friends and it was no different with Wonwoo.
Besides, although he would never admit it out loud, he knew Seungkwan was right; his place did look like shit. But it's not like Wonwoo has any energy to clean up, either.
"I didn't know what you wanted, so I brought a little bit of everything I had." Seungkwan starts unwrapping the plastic bags and revealing the tupperwares he’d brought. "There's kimchi, japchae, ramen, and bibimbap.”
"Woah, everything looks delicious, Seungkwan-ah!” Wonwoo states, pushing his glasses up as he looks over all the food. “Are you sure you were the one who cooked this?" Wonwoo turns around, taking out the chopsticks and the plate from the cupboard.
“You know what? I should just let you starve next time.” Seungkwan scowls.
“I’m not starving.” Wonwoo deadpans, taking the tupperwares and placing them on the table along with the chopsticks and plate.
“Well, you sure look like it.” Seungkwan mutters.
“Ouch.” Wonwoo finally sits down, just as Seungkwan takes the place in front of him. “Anyway, I’ll eat well.” the older one adds, before proceeding to eat.
If this was any other person, Seungkwan would be complaining at their lack of table manners for eating so fast; But as he takes a look at the dark circle under Wonwoo's eyes and the hollowness of his cheeks, he decides against it.
"Seriously Wonwoo hyung, you're starting to worry me…" Seungkwan starts after a while. "I know you don't like going out much, but you haven't talked to any of us in weeks! And you haven't been eating well, and you clearly haven't been cleaning this place out…" He trails off, looking down at his own clasped hands on the wooden table. "Don’t let what Minghao did–"
"Can we please not talk about him?" Wonwoo drops his chopsticks. He has his jaw clenched, appetite gone the moment Seungkwan started talking. He knew where this conversation would eventually lead to, and he didn't want this to go on any further. "This has nothing to do with him." Wonwoo lies through gritted teeth and tries his best to sound convincing, although he knows it's useless.
His group of friends have been nothing short of amazing through his journey of finding himself again after his nasty break up with Minghao. Too many tears were shed, glasses were broken and doors were slammed until Wonwoo realized Minghao was no good for him, and with hindsight, he should’ve known way sooner. He can’t say he’s always known, for the start of it all was as dreamy as the beginning of a relationship can and should be.
They met when they were both at college, surprisingly at a party organized by Jun. Wonwoo had always been the type to stay in and study for the midterms on the weekends, but Jun had called him something along the lines of no fun and a grandpa when he’d tried to turn down his invitation, so Wonwoo made it his mission to prove him otherwise. He wanted to have fun that night, even if it was out of spite.
Upon arrival, Wonwoo remembers feeling kind of concerned at the amount of people crowded; although he was not at all surprised – Jun sure was the most sociable person ever; it wouldn’t be far-fetched to assume he knew every single one of those people.
It was kind of difficult to pass through the already sweaty bodies dancing to the loud music blasting, but he could see Jun and his other friends by the pool, and he'd decided to get a little tipsy to chase away the claustrophobic feeling starting to settle in. Wonwoo joined the others by the pool, then – All very excited to see him there – sipping from the can beer Hoshi had given him right away– It was a little warm, and it left a sour taste on his tongue which he didn't particularly enjoy, but he had a feeling he wouldn’t have fun if sober.
They kept talking and laughing, and after 3 more beers and a failed attempt to push Seokmin into the pool, Wonwoo decided he was good enough to go back inside without feeling like a fish out of water. And that's when he spotted him by the windowsill.
His hair rustled with the gentle breeze passing through, and he looked like he didn’t belong there. He was smoking alone, seemingly oblivious to everything happening around him, looking out the window like he’d rather be anywhere else.
To this day, Wonwoo still doesn’t know what possessed him to approach Minghao and strike up a conversation with him back then; although if he were to guess, he would blame the beer.
If only he could go back in time – Wonwoo figures belatedly – he wouldn’t have drunk that night. Heck, he wouldn’t have shown up in the first place. Because it felt so good. It felt good flirting with Minghao that night. It felt good going out on a date with him 1 week later, and it felt good dating him. At least for a while. At least until the first signs started showing.
Wonwoo has never been the jealous type, but he didn’t mind that Minghao was. Maybe – He thought – that was the way he showed he cared. Maybe it was normal that Minghao would give him the silent treatment for days, refusing to tell him the reason why or if he was mad at him or not whenever Wonwoo hung out with his other friends. Wonwoo had distanced himself from them, then, trying to push away the people that he cared about just so Minghao would stay.
It was never enough; nothing he did was ever enough and he found himself being okay with how Minghao would check his messages, even though by that point he didn’t (he couldn’t) have anyone outside of work to text. And he couldn’t go anywhere by himself either, because that’d lead to more passive-aggressive remarks from Minghao which would turn into fights and Wonwoo was so tired of justifying himself.
Every night he would get home from work it felt like he was going to trial as a defense attorney and defendant, all at once.
It was draining and exhausting and looking back, Wonwoo can’t believe he thought that was how love was supposed to feel like. For over 2 years and 4 months, he thought he was the problem. Minghao made him feel like he was the problem.
Was he?
One day he’d tried to surprise Minghao by going to his apartment unannounced, bouquet of flowers in hand – And was surprised when a tall and buff man opened the door, instead. Minghao came seconds later, all disheveled and surprised, wearing only a towel around his waist. Somehow, the other managed to make Wonwoo feel insane for even thinking he would ever cheat on him with the guy whose name he learned was Mingyu – even though it was obvious he just had.
He’d told Wonwoo that he needed to meditate, empty out of those 'malicious thoughts', and in the end, Wonwoo was the one who ended up apologizing, tearing up while doing so.
Ultimately, things came to an end 3 weeks later when Wonwoo caught them in his own room, in his own bed.
Wonwoo’s been trying to pick up the pieces of his broken soul since then. And it hasn't been easy. Some days – like today – even getting up from bed seems like an impossible task. But he's glad he's had a great support system.
"I just want you to know that we're all here for you. You can talk to us any time." Seungkwan states, reaching to grab Wonwoo's hand over the table, giving it a light squeeze.
"I know. " Wonwoo offers a smile at the younger one, hoping that it looks as genuine as he feels.
A beat of silence passes until Seungkwan clears his throat.
"So…I came here to check up on you, but also to invite you to a little gathering. A little get-together on Saturday."
"Oh, really?" Wonwoo asks, intrigued.
"Yes. It's gonna be simple, really. We did want to do something more special, but Jeonghan doesn't like those kinds of things–"
"Wait, what? What does Jeonghan hyung have to do with this?"
“Oh, right. You don’t know…” Seungkwan says.
“Jeonghan is coming back from France, Wonwoo.”
Jeonghan is fidgety, in the backseat. Next to him, Seokmin is doing a poor job trying to take discreet glances at him every 5 seconds. When they make eye contact, Seokmin shoots him a questioning gaze ‘are you okay?’
Jeonghan understands. He wordlessly nods and puts one of the younger’s hands on his own.
Seokmin must’ve noticed how Jeonghan’s smile dropped as soon as the name 'Wonwoo' was uttered – and the frown that deepened on his hyung’s face when it dawned on Jeonghan that he was gonna be there to welcome him, along with the others.
"I’m sorry, hyung. I didn’t want to tell Seungkwan ‘no’, you know? He still doesn’t know about it. No one but me knows about it.”
Jeonghan understands. It still doesn’t make it any better, though.
If someone had told Jeonghan 3 years ago – when he was still an aspiring model in Korea – that he was gonna make a home for himself in another country; let alone in Europe, he would’ve laughed in their faces like it was the funniest joke he’d ever heard. Turns out that that person might have been right: He wouldn’t trade the years he spent in France making a name for himself in the modeling industry, getting immersed in the language and meeting new people for anything; It was magical, almost unreal.
Jeonghan got so used to it all, he wondered at one point whether or not he would ever go back. But he’s missed this: The familiarity of it all. Maybe that person might have been wrong; and this is his real home. Or maybe, he has two homes. He doesn’t know for sure, but he’s happy to be back.
The only thing he’s not too happy about, is having to face the ghosts he thought he’d long forgotten.
Unbeknownst to Wonwoo, he was the harder part for Jeonghan to leave behind, when he departed. He’d spent so many nights with so many different, amazing guys the time he was away, it was almost enough to forget about his real feelings – but as the cab gets closer and closer to their destination, the devastating realization he’s been dreading to acknowledge finally dawns on him: that’s unthinkable.
Forgetting Wonwoo is something he’ll never be able to do, no matter how hard he tries. The headache and slight dizziness Jeonghan feels right now, and the churning feeling in his stomach which doesn’t seem to go away aren’t out of unhappiness at the prospect of seeing Wonwoo; It’s the fear of how overwhelmingly thrilled he’s gonna feel, once he does.
Jeonghan’s feelings for the other man are like a candle flame that refuses to be put out; turning into a fire and burning him from inside. He’s not sure he’ll be able to save his own life, this time.
The week went by fast, since the day Seungkwan showed up at his apartment and now Saturday was already here.
Between his shifts and going home, Wonwoo couldn’t help but let his mind wander to Jeonghan. He was coming back. Wonwoo remembers the tight, suffocating feeling in his chest, once Jeonghan was gone through the boarding gate.
He knew how much he would miss the movie nights they had at the latter's apartment – which would often end in cuddles; The mischievous way Jeonghan used to live life, and his nonsensical jokes that would have Wonwoo trying his best not to laugh, although he always lost; unable to stop himself.
And of course, arguably the thing he'd miss the most: the nicknames Jeonghan would come up with for him out of the blue, like Wonungie. No one but him called Wonwoo that.
“Stop calling me that..”
“Why? It’s cute. Just like you."
It was just so easy, being around Jeonghan. In the beginning, they would always communicate – video calling each other almost every day, despite the time difference.
It amused Wonwoo to no end how sulky Hoshi used to get, accusing his favorite hyung to be closer to Wonwoo, despite the fact that he'd introduced the two of them in the first place.
"It's not my fault Jeonghan hyung likes me better, Hoshi-ya." Wonwoo would tease the same-age friend – Partly because he loved seeing Hoshi mad, partly because he couldn't pretend as if the possibility of being Jeonghan's favorite didn't stroke his ego.
They had a groupchat back then – Jun, Hoshi, Seungkwan, Seokmin, Jeonghan and Wonwoo – In which they would bicker, and Jeonghan would send them photos and update them about his life in France, and his job. They, in turn, would update him about their lives as well.
Hoshi
Jeonghan hyung, wake up already!
We have wonderful news!
Seungkwan
Yah he might be working right now.
We don't know what time it is there.
Jun
I bet he's sleeping lol
Wonwoo
Wow You guys are airing out my business just like that huh
Jeonghan
I'm here!
What is this about huh?
I'm curioussss
What did my Wonungie dooo
Hoshi
He's datingggg
Wonwoo
Guys..
Hoshi
He went on a date with the guy yesterday hyung.
His name is Minghao.
You just had to see the stupid expression on Wonwoo's face when the guy asked him out lolll
Wonwoo
I didn't have a stupid expression!
Seungkwan
You kinda did tho.
Jun
Wonwoo is whipped!
Seungkwan
Thought I'd never see the day
Btw where did Jeonghan hyung go?
Hoshi
…Jeonghan hyung?
Seokmin
He might be busy 😅
Jeonghan
Oh
Sorry
Congrats Wonwoo..
Wonwoo
Thanks hyung :)
Hoshi
See? I knew Jeonghan hyung would love the news!
Jeonghan
Sorry guys, I have to go to work now. ttyl?
Take care.
Hoshi
Bye-ing ❤
Seokmin
Bye, hyung..take care, you too…
Wonwoo recalls that was the day things started to get...weird. In the following weeks, Jeonghan seemed to almost never have time to text him; apparently he had gotten way busier than usual. It got to a point where he hadn't heard from Jeonghan in a month.
"I talk on the phone with Jeonghan hyung almost every day, though?" Was what Hoshi had said to Wonwoo's question of whether or not he heard any news from their hyung recently, while they were playing pool.
He remembers not believing him entirely. Maybe Hoshi just wanted to show off, like he was Jeonghan's favorite dongsaeng, now. He'd thought Hoshi was so childish, at the time.
It was not until a message notification from Jeonghan popped up on Seokmin's phone while they were on the couch watching a funny video together – exactly one week after his exchange with Hoshi – that Wonwoo finally realized.
Jeonghan was avoiding him.
Wonwoo then started to wonder if he'd said something wrong, going as far as sending multiple texts for weeks to the older, asking what was going on and begging for his forgiveness, even though he had no idea what for. Wonwoo didn't know what to do, at that point.
Jeonghan being mad at him was something he couldn't fathom. There were nights he couldn't fall asleep, rolling around in bed while his brain racked for reasons as to why Jeonghan could be upset, checking his phone to see if there were any messages from the other. 'Where'd it all go wrong? I'll fix it, I'd do anything to make everything okay again, just tell me ...." He felt as if he'd been cast adrift in a sea of uncertainty.
In one of the only times Jeonghan had texted him back – willing to have a real, but brief conversion – he assured the younger that everything was fine, that he loved him and that he didn't have to worry.
Jeonghan was lying to him, now.
It stung. a lot. But he didn't have time to dwell on that, with Minghao being so…suffocating.
So he let it go
"Wahhhh Jeonghan hyung I've missed you so much!!!!" Jun exclaims, picking the older up by the waist as soon as he steps into the living room of Seungkwan's apartment. Jeonghan squeals, gripping the other's shoulders tightly. When Jun finally lets him down, Jeonghan is thrown off balance for a split second.
"I've missed you too, sweetie " Jeonghan pants like he's ran a marathon, smiling as he still has his arm's hooked on Jun's. He looks around, noticing Wonwoo's absence. He's not here.
Jeonghan doesn't know whether to feel disappointed or relieved, although the tranquility that settles in his heart makes it easier for him to breathe.
Behind them, Seokmin moves Jeonghan's luggage to the side, pulling his suitcase along the brown tile floors.
"Jeonghan hyung, you must be tired, right? Do you want some water?" Seungkwan asks.
Jeonghan smiles warmly "No, thank-"
"Sit here. I'm gonna get you some water. You have to hydrate yourself, hyung. I'll be right back!" Seungkwan says, promptly leaving for the kitchen.
When he gets back, Seokmin and Jeonghan are both sitting on the gray couch; Seokmin is massaging Jeonghan's foot.
"Ouch! Be careful Seokminnie…" Jeonghan softly reprimands, face contorted in mild pain.
"Sorry, hyung. I don't think I'm good at this…" Seokmin says, sounding genuinely apologetic. Jeonghan pats the other's head "aw, It's okay."
"You guys are gross." Seungkwan mutters as he hands Jeonghan the cup of water, which Jeonghan drinks in one go, despite not wanting to drink it before.
"And what about me? What if I wanted some water, too?" Seokmin pretends to be sulky.
"But you don't."
"You dongsaeng with no manners…" Seokmin pouts, feigning offense.
"Are you guys hungry?" Jun asks, returning from the kitchen "I was preparing malatang before Jeonghan hyung arrived, and now it's ready."
"Ohh Jun! as always being a great cook!" Jeonghan smiles, knowing Jun loved it whenever he got praises for his culinary skills. "To be honest, I'm hungry, but shouldn't we wait for Hoshi? I thought he was coming…?"
"Oh, don't worry hyung, he's coming along with Wonwoo. They're on their way already." Seungkwan states, totally oblivious to the way Seokmin promptly directs his sharp gaze towards Jeonghan, who does his best to pull his mouth into a smile.
As if on clue, the doorbell rings.
Fuck!
Jeonghan stands up from the couch, then, pulling Seokmin up along with him for some sort of moral support.
"Finally the flower boys arrived!" Seungkwan's voice cuts through Jeonghan's mental breakdown.
"We were about to eat without you." He says as he makes way for Hoshi and Wonwoo to step into the hallway leading into the living room, closing the door behind them.
"Where's my Jeonghan hyung?" Hoshi singsongs, finally breaking into the widest smile as he takes sight of the older man in the living room, taking fast steps and pulling him by the waist into a bone-breaking hug. "My beautiful hyung, how have you been?" Hoshi presses a kiss on his cheek as he asks.
"I'm fine, doing better now that you came." Jeonghan winks at him when they pull apart, turning the younger cheeks a tint of pink.
"Ew." He can hear Jun's voice behind them, and Hoshi slaps his arm, making the others laugh at their usual bickering.
Jeonghan finally takes a look at Wonwoo then, and feels a slight bolt of electricity go through his brain. He is not able to hear or pay attention to anything or anyone else other than the man in front of him, and when they make eye contact, Wonwoo's expression softens. He looks so handsome, Jeonghan thinks to himself – heart beating so fast, he's afraid everyone in the room can hear it.
Then Wonwoo smiles at him, and Jeonghan lets himself be pulled into yet another hug; This time the one he's missed the most, from the man he loves the most.
He closes his eyes as Wonwoo's strong, familiar arms wrap around his waist, and Jeonghan's own drape around the other's neck – his legs feel weak like jelly, ready to give out at any moment.
He must be dreaming, right? Is this real?
"Is this okay?" Wonwoo asks into the hug, voice dripping with hesitation. Jeonghan would set himself on fire, just so he would never have to hear this tone again.
Wonwoo was not sure of their friendship anymore. Jeonghan did this to him. Jeonghan's selfishness, the inability to swallow and stomp on his own nonsensical infatuation for his friend did this to Wonwoo. Oh he's never resented his own self as much as he does now. He needs to make it better. He must.
"Of course it's okay, my Wonungie. Why wouldn't it be?" Jeonghan needs Wonwoo to understand.
"God, I've missed you so much…" Wonwoo whispers like he's telling a secret, and Jeonghan feels his whole body ache.
"I've missed you, too. I'm sorry for everything…" Is all Jeonghan manages to say, voice cracking at the end.
He hopes that the way Wonwoo grips him even tighter means that he forgives him. The older still holds him for a few seconds, taking a glance at him before they finally pull apart.
Jeonghan's eyes shine with unshed tears, and Wonwoo strokes his cheek. "You look so pretty, hyung."
A wave of coldness and warmth hits Jeonghan's whole body all at once; He might collapse. Jeonghan could survive off Wonwoo's compliments alone.
The older one lowers his head down, then, not being able to look into the taller one's eyes any further – his cheeks are burning, and he's sure he looks ridiculous right now. Jeon Wonwoo, what are you doing to me?
Behind them, Seokmin clears his throat.
Jeonghan will surely have to talk to him about this later.
The table is all set, and the food looks ready. They all sit down, and Jeonghan purposefully takes the seat in front of Wonwoo.
"Thank you for the meal." Hoshi says, before scarfing down the malatang.
The others all do the same, eating in silence except for the murmurs of satisfaction at how tasty it is.
"Woah Jun, this is so delicious, seriously." Seokmin says "You could open up a restaurant."
"I keep telling him that. He also makes korean food better than me." Seungkwan adds
"Everyone cooks better than you, Seungkwan-ah." Hoshi teases, laughing.
"Ya! I can cook well!" Seungkwan scolds, lips pouting. "Wonwoo loved my bibimbap the other day, right Wonwoo hyung?" Seungkwan returns his attention to him, expectant.
"That's true." Wonwoo answers matter-of-factly, chewing on the food.
"See?" Seungkwan gestures, sticking his tongue out at Hoshi, who giggles. They fall into a comfortable silence after that.
"I've missed your cooking, Junnie." Jeonghan states after a while.
"Thank you, Jeonghan hyung. Now that you're back, I can cook for you any time." Jun winks at him.
"Be careful about what you say, this hyung might wake you up in the middle of night and ask you to cook for him." Seokmin jokes, and they all laugh out loud.
"By the way, how was France, Jeonghan hyung?" Jeonghan flushes at the sudden attention from everyone.
"It was amazing, seriously. I love my job, but doing it in a new country was so new and weird, at first. Thankfully I met really great people there who helped me, which made it easy for me to adapt quickly."
Hoshi hums in understanding, satisfied with his answer.
"Did you meet anyone there? Like…a boyfriend or something?" It's Jun's turn to pry.
"Hyung is so pretty, I bet everyone was in love." Seungkwan spurs him on.
Across the table, Jeonghan could feel Wonwoo's eyes burning in holes into him
"Oh, stop it." Jeonghan blushes, hesitating before answering
"Fine…I did, yeah." He speaks, covering his face with his hands.
They whistle, teasingly. Jeonghan feels like he's back in high school.
When he looks up once again, Jeonghan notices the frown on Wonwoo's face, who's by now staring at his food like it's the most important thing in the world.
"But I– I'm not…dating anyone right now. I'm single, guys." Jeonghan feels the urgent need to clarify, and when Wonwoo tears his eyes away from the food and directs his gaze back to him, Jeonghan knows he's made the right choice.
Once they all finish eating, they immerse themselves in conversation, elevated by one another's presence as the sound of genuine laughter fills the room. They decide to watch a movie hours after that for old time's sake, and when It's over, the sky is ablaze with the fire of the setting sun.
Jun was the first one to leave, followed by Seokmin – Both had to wake up early the next morning.
"Shit! I just remembered I promised to have dinner with Woozi, guys. He's gonna kill me if I'm late." Hoshi says a while later while he stands up from the couch, grabbing his wallet and keys from the coffee table in a hurry. "Wonwoo, are you gonna give me a ride back?"
"I- Sure, mhm…Jeonghan, are you coming, too?" Wonwoo asks, eyes shining with expectation.
"Oh? I thought you were gonna sleep here today, Jeonghan hyung? There's a guest room right at the end of the hall." Seungkwan says.
Jeonghan has two options: He could stay with Seungkwan tonight and have a chat before going to sleep comfortably in the guest room or he could leave right now, in Wonwoo's car and spend the night alone in his – probably dusty – apartment which he has not been in since he left. He chooses the latter.
"Oh Seungkwanie, I wouldn't want to bother you, yeah? Besides, I need to clean my apartment." He says, grabbing the youngest one's hands. "Thank you so much for today. I'll text you in the morning, okay?"
Unbeknownst to Jeonghan, Wonwoo lets out the breath he was holding at the older’s answer. He feels way more giddy than he should be at the prospect of spending more time with Jeonghan. Maybe he missed the older too much. Yeah, that's the only explanation he can come up with right now.
Seungkwan begrudgingly nods, and leads them to the front door.
At the parking lot, they spot Wonwoo's SUV fast, and the taller wordlessly opens the door for Jeonghan to get in the passenger seat. He goes around the car to settle himself in the driver's seat, while Hoshi sits in the back. Neither of them question it, which Wonwoo is thankful for.
The ride back is comfortable. Aside from Hoshi's soft voice singing along to whatever song comes on the radio, they don't talk much. After about 25 minutes, Wonwoo drops Hoshi over at Woozi's.They say their goodbyes, and Wonwoo pulls out from the driveway.
And just like that, Jeonghan and Wonwoo are alone.
Jeonghan pulls at the hem of his sweatshirt, now acutely aware of Wonwoo’s presence next to him. With Hoshi in the car, it was a little easier to breathe; the silence before not feeling nearly as awkward and suffocating as it does now. 'Should’ve accepted Seungkwan's offer, you idiot!' The voice in the back of his mind says.
Jeonghan would have, if only he wasn't so desperate to be in Wonwoo's presence for as much time as he could.
Eventually, they arrive at Jeonghan's apartment building. Neither of them makes a move to get out.
"Hyung.." He hears Wonwoo say, and immediately directs his gaze at him "Are you gonna stay, this time?"
Jeonghan can't help but notice the strong grip the other has on the steering wheel; his knuckles almost turning white. Yes. I've missed you so much, I don't think I could ever leave again. I would never leave you again, my love.
"Why? Did you miss me that much?" Jeonghan tries to tease instead.
"Yes." Wonwoo, who was staring ahead this whole time, finally turns to look at Jeonghan. His face flashes with something akin to pain, and his voice sounds even worse. Jeonghan hates this. "It sucked, without you. You were gone, and suddenly you didn't want to talk to me anymore and I went through a very difficult relationship, as I'm sure the guys told you about." He hesitates. "You always talked to the other guys. The only one you didn't want to talk to was me."
"Wonwoo–"
"I wasn't even gonna come today, you know, Jeonghan hyung? I wondered if you even wanted to see me again." Wonwoo pauses. "I still don't know what I did wrong, back then. What did I do wrong? Why did you ignore me all this time?" The honesty in his voice pierces Jeonghan’s soul.
Jeonghan feels his eyes sting, his throat closes up more as each sentence leaves Wonwoo's mouth. Did he fuck up this bad?
"You did nothing wrong, Wonungie. Things just got…complicated." His voice cracks at the end, barely above a whisper
"I just need to understand." Wonwoo insists.
"I don't think we can have this conversation here..." Jeonghan looks around "...in a car."
"We can go to my place."
A beat of silence.
Then Jeonghan sighs, defeated. "You're really not gonna let this go, are you?"
Wonwoo clenches his jaw "You know what? No. I won't let it go, because you- you haven't talked to me in years, and now you're back and we hug and we talk as if nothing happened!” Wonwoo’s nostrils flared as he stared at Jeonghan “…then you call me Wonungie like you've never even left, you can’t just-”
"I avoided you because I am in love with you!" Jeonghan all but cries out, tears threatening to fall. He’s panting now, red in the face like he just yelled an insult. "There it is. Are you happy now? I am in love with you, Jeon Wonwoo. I was in love with you then, and I still am now. I couldn't stand it…I couldn't stand you being with somebody else." Jeonghan's lips quiver, voice sounding shaky "I was selfish, and an asshole and I tried to push myself away to try and get over you but ended up hurting you in the process…and I can't forgive myself." Jeonghan stops himself, running a hand through his face. "I'm sorry, I-..I have to go now." He states as he hurriedly unbuckles his seat bell, opening the door of the car and exiting.
"Wait!" Wonwoo gets out fast, circling the car and trapping Jeonghan between him and the SUV. "Is this really true?"
Jeonghan scoffs, wiping tears off his face. "Just let me go, Jeon Wonwoo." He whines, trying to push the other away to no avail.
“I didn't know, Jeonghan hyung, I-"
"That was the point." Jeonghan looks up at Wonwoo, then, trying to search for something akin to pity or disgust in the other's face. He doesn't find it. “You weren’t supposed to know.”
Wonwoo reaches his hand up and wipes some of the tears from Jeonghan’s cheeks. Wonwoo caresses him, then, and Jeonghan holds the other’s hand, stopping him.
“Don’t. You’re making this so much more difficult for me.”
Wonwoo drops his hand to the side. “I don’t know what to do.”
Kiss me “Just go.”
“I can’t leave you alone.”
“Don’t stay just because you pity me, Wonwoo.” Jeonghan says “You’ll break me.”
Wonwoo nods and steps back.
He doesn’t want to hurt the other any further than he already has. He gets inside the car and starts it, taking a last look at Jeonghan before he finally pulls out into the main road.
It’s only when Wonwoo’s car finally is out of sight that Jeonghan allows himself to break down; tears streaming down his face full force. His legs give out, then, and he ends up sitting on the curb. Jeonghan hopes that the chilling breeze aching his bones distracts him from the pain of his broken heart. You’ve already broken me.