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Jeff would love to know when he became Jensen Ackles' bitch. He wonders if it was perhaps the night he realised Jensen's cute drunken ramblings were actually shy confessions of love.
Maybe it was the first time that Jensen sank to his knees, looked up at him coyly through those long lashes, wrapped his gorgeous lips around Jeff's dick and damn near sucked out his brain.
Possibly, it was the first time that Jeff slid his eager cock into the tight squeeze of Jensen's ass. It had taken all of Jeff's considerable willpower not to fill the condom the second he was balls deep inside Jensen, watching in awe as the kid writhed wantonly underneath him, squirming on his cock begging Jeff to fuck him.
It could have been when he captured Jensen's soft mouth with his own for the first time. His hands looking large and clumsy as he'd gently framed the delicate features of Jensen's face and brushed their lips together, slowly slowly deepening the kiss until he was savouring the addictive taste of Jensen, licking it hungrily from his mouth.
He has a suspicion however, that he was gone for Jensen from the very first moment he laid eyes on him all those months ago. He vividly recalls sitting in a restaurant praying fervently that the beautiful kid who had just walked in and was looking around nervously was his date. He couldn't believe his good fortune when the maitre-de escorted Jensen through the dim light of the room to where Jeff was tucked away at a quiet corner table. His initial impression of Jensen Ackles was that he was stunning. There was no other word for it. From his artfully tousled dark blond hair to his gloriously freckled nose and x-rated lips down to the slight bow of his legs; the kid could make a killing as a model. Jeff had half hoped that when he opened his mouth, Jensen would turn out to be dull or arrogant or even just a tiny bit dim, because otherwise he’d suspected that his plan to opt for an emotion-free, convenient relationship with a disposable pretty boy was about to back fire.
As it turned out, Jensen was clever, quietly funny, self-deprecating and so easy to talk to that they were nearly the last people to be ushered from the restaurant. Jeff's steely resolve not to get involved in a serious relationship was already starting to falter by the time he was in bed that night jerking off to the memory of Jensen's tongue flicking out and licking those perfectly plump lips.
Now, here he is in Jensen's favourite coffee shop, buying the biggest possible take-away cup of Jensen's favourite coffee and half a dozen of Jensen's favourite muffins and he swears if his driver flashes that knowing grin at him when he gets back in the car, he is firing him, again.
Fumbling the door of the Audi shut behind him, Jeff meets his driver’s eyes in the rear view mirror as he carefully juggles coffee and muffins, trying not to spill the hot beverage in his lap.
"Where are we going, boss?"
"Jensen's apartment, please Steve."
A snort sounds from the front of the car and that definitely is a smirk that Jeff can see reflected in the mirror.
"Problem, Steve?" Jeff asks, a bit testily.
"No boss, absolutely no problem whatsoever." Contrary to his words though, Steve makes no move to start the car. "You are remembering that it's Wednesday, right?" He asks in his lazy drawl.
"Yeah, I know what day of the week it is.”
"And you are remembering that Jensen has the last of his finals on Friday."
If Jeff didn't have his hands full, he would be tempted to fake a very important business call to end this little inquisition. He is starting to think that there might be times when he would be better leaving Steve at home and driving himself.
"Yes I am remembering, thank you."
"Right and you are remembering that Jensen banned you from his apartment until his last exam was finished so that he could study."
A little voice in his head that sounds remarkably like his lawyer chirps up that denial is his best defence. "He never banned me. He mentioned he would be busy studying this week and he may have implied that he wouldn't have much time to see me. You know, I always thought I paid you to drive this car, not sit in it cross examining me."
Steve shrugs off the rebuke with just a hint of a raised eyebrow. "So, I was hallucinating when I heard him say he would kick your ass if you tried to distract him this week.”
"Jesus, Steve just drive, please." Jeff resorts to begging. "I’m only bringing him a snack, the kid still has to eat."
At last, the car's powerful engine purrs to life and edges into the busy traffic. Jeff heaves a sigh of relief that Steve has to switch his gaze to the road instead of peering at him in the mirror. Unfortunately, it doesn't stop him from talking. "I don't suppose you remember that right after he threatened to kick your ass, he made me swear not to drop you off within a mile of his apartment."
"Do you want me to get a cab?" Jeff huffs, thunking his head back against the neck rest. He does remember that quite clearly, he thought it was overkill at the time but maybe Jensen knows him better than he knows himself.
"No, I'll drive you; just don't tell Jensen that I did cause I’m pretty sure that you don’t pay me enough to deal with your irate boyfriend, boss.”
“Oh please, stow the boss crap. You’ve called me Jeff for the past ten years why are you suddenly trying to be employee of the week?”
Steve catches his eye in the mirror and Jeff can see the smug grin on his face. “Because it bugs the crap out of you,” he laughs. “You know it's only been five days since you last saw him, I figured you'd be able to hold out till Friday night."
Jeff does not have to justify his actions to anyone or so he tells himself but the last time Steve got pissed at him, he ended up being late to every meeting for a week and with a drenched suit when Steve was very conveniently forced to slam on the car brakes just as he took a drink of water. Jeff had been too scared to drink hot coffee in the car for weeks until he caved in and apologised.
“I swear, I'm just going to drop off the coffee and muffins and check he's okay.mI just ... I need to see him, I miss him." Jeff realises how lame that sounds as soon as he hears himself say it. He is doing a great impression of a high school kid dating his first crush, but Steve thankfully has the good grace to restrain himself from commenting, although Jeff is sure he’ll hear about it eventually. Steve can always be relied on to keep Jeff’s feet planted firmly on the ground and that usually means never missing an opportunity to mock him.
When they pull up outside the grimy exterior of Jensen's building, Steve for once gets out and opens Jeff's door for him. "Do you want to give me a call when you need picked up?"
"Yeah, that's fine." Jeff answers, then thinking about it, adds, "Maybe hang around for five minutes though in case I don't make it past the front door."
"Sure thing, Jeff." Steve smiles, climbing back in the car. "Good luck."
Someone has wedged the door of the apartment building open with a squashed empty can of coke, saving Jeff the hassle of needing buzzed in. While Jeff worries about the crappy security, he is grateful that he will at least make it up to Jensen's apartment. He'll take any bit of luck he can get. The littered stairway smells faintly of weed and urine and graffiti scars the cracked walls. While Jeff understands Jensen's reasons for wanting to stay here with Jared, he is becoming increasingly anxious to move Jensen out and into the safety of his house.
He is just about to rap on the door with the back of his hand holding the paper bag of muffins when he hears yelling growing gradually louder from inside.
"You're being a stupid stubborn ass!" Jeff's thinks that's Jared's voice and sure enough the next bellow that he hears definitely comes from Jensen.
"And you're being a giant freaking dick. If you're not gonna shut up just get the hell out."
Okay then, maybe now isn't such a great time to drop by. He knows they have a very vocal friendship, but their arguements aren't usually this intense. Jeff is dithering at the door, debating whether he's brave enough to enter the fray or if he should leave while Steve is hopefully still parked outside when the door explodes open and Jared nearly barrels straight into him.
Jeff stumbles backwards, but thankfully Jared’s quick to react. He grabs Jeff's arms stopping him from losing his balance, but sending the paper cup in his hand flying, showering the floor and walls with steaming black coffee. "Jesus Christ, Jeff, what the hell are you doing standing there? You nearly gave me a freaking heart attack."
Jeff attempts to shake hot coffee from the bottom of his suit pants, holds up the now slightly damp bag of muffins and says, "I was just dropping by with sugar and caffeine supplies for Jensen but it looks like I came at a bad time."
Irritably shoving his bangs out of his eyes, Jared shakes his head. "No man, you came at the perfect time. He won't listen to me, maybe he'll listen to you."
"What's going on Jared, what's with all the yelling?"
"That idiot has been mainlining coffee and red bull for days. I've only seen him eat a pack of Oreos since Monday and I think he's barely slept since then either."
"I know he's been stressed about his finals but I didn’t think it was that bad," Jeff says.
"Jeff, he threatened to cut my balls off with a butter knife cause I was breathing too loud," Jared says with a grimace, subconsciously covering his crotch protectively with his hands. "Trust me, it's plenty bad. I'm going to study at the library for a while, just try and get him to sleep would you please."
"Of course", Jeff readily agrees, inordinately grateful that Jared actually trusts him to look after Jensen. He's very aware that Jared is still not one hundred percent positive that Jeff isn't a rat bastard who's going to break his best friend's heart.
Jared heads down the hall patting him awkwardly on the back on the way past and as Jeff goes to walk through the door, he calls out, "Jeff, he's stressed to hell about school but I think something else might be bugging him too. I've never see him this wound up before. I'm kind of worried about him."
Jeff meets Jared's concerned gaze and nods his understanding. "It's okay Jared, I’ll talk to him."
When he walks into the cramped living room, there's no Jensen, but there are teetering piles of books and several coffee mugs scattered about. He makes his way through to the kitchen where he can hear Jensen clattering about and muttering away to himself. The kid has his back to him when Jeff slips into the room and seems to be busy making himself more coffee. If Jared's right that's the last thing Jensen needs right now.
"Hey kid, how are you doing?" Jeff asks quietly.
Jensen spins round, "Jesus fuck, Jeff, what the hell are you doing creeping in here like that."
Jeff has a witty retort planned, but he can't shake the words loose from his tongue because Jensen is wearing glasses. Adorable little wire rimmed glasses that are perched half way down his nose. Jeff's dick instantly springs to attention, cause damn that might be the sexiest thing he’s ever seen.
"Glasses, you're wearing glasses", Jeff says and yes he is aware that they aren’t the most intelligent or smooth words to ever fall from his lips.
Self-consciously, Jensen puts his hand to his face and pushes his glasses up to the bridge of his nose. "Yeah, I’m wearing glasses, I'm studying remember? My eyes are sore and you aren't supposed to be here."
"Why didn't you tell me you wore glasses?" Jeff says while trying to convince his dick it is highly inappropriate to be considering how hot Jensen would look on his knees with those glasses smeared in Jeff’s come. God, his dick has no sense of timing, maybe he is reverting back to a teenager.
Jensen rolls his eyes and defensively crosses his arms, "because I look like a dork which is why I usually wear contacts."
"Fuck Jensen, you do not look like a dork, I’m pretty sure you are the hottest thing I've ever seen. They make me want to do all kinds of dirty things to you, corrupt the cute right out of you."
Jensen blushes and shifts uncomfortably, "Jeff, I don't have time to fool around, what are you even doing here?"
Jeff shows Jensen the coffee splattered bag of muffins, setting it down on a clear space of counter. "I was bringing you muffins and coffee but unfortunately after my run in with Jared, the coffee didn't make it. Although maybe that’s not a bad thing, you look exhausted kid."
Now that he has gotten past the whole Jensen in glasses image, he can see just how drained the boy looks. His face is drawn and pale and he has such dark shadows under both eyes that he looks as though he's lost a boxing match. His hair is sticking up in spiked paths where Jensen has obviously been running his fingers through it and his clothes are rumpled and coffee stained.
Jensen turns his back on Jeff again and pours himself a mug of coffee from the shiny new coffee machine that Jeff bought for him just last month. It's the only gift that Jensen never made a fuss about accepting. "Of course, I'm tired. I'm studying. I was serious when I said that I couldn't see you this week. I've got shit loads to do, so I'm sorry but you’re gonna have to go."
As Jensen raises his mug to take a sip, Jeff takes the three steps to where he's standing, plucks the mug from his hand and pours the thick dark liquid down the sink. "You've had enough kid, you're wrecked."
Jensen looks at him incredulously. "Seriously, what the fuck man. I'm not a kid and you aren't my father. If I want a cup of coffee I'll have one." Before Jensen can reach for another cup from the draining rack, Jeff grabs his hands turning him so they are face to face.
"Sweetheart, you don't need any more caffeine. When was the last time you slept?"
Jensen scowls, yanks his hands free and storms from the room and Jeff is fairly sure that if there was a door to the kitchen it would just have been slammed emphatically in his face. "Don't you start; I've had enough of this crap from Jared. I know what I’m doing alright! I’m not stupid; I'll grab some sleep before my next exam."
Jeff follows close on Jensen's heels. "Babe, you aren't going to achieve anything in this state. Why don't you go and have a shower, let me get you something decent to eat, then catch a good night sleep and start fresh tomorrow."
Through gritted teeth, Jensen says, "Jeff, I know you're trying to help and I don't want to fall out with you so just go and I'll see you on Friday."
Jeff watches as Jensen picks up a textbook, sets it back down then picks up a different one. He paces around the room, agitatedly running his fingers through his hair, avoiding looking at Jeff and just no; no way in hell is he leaving Jensen like this. "Jensen, you need to calm down. You've worked hard all year, your grades are excellent. The only way you aren't going to ace your finals is if you have a nervous breakdown before you get there and that's where you are headed right now. Trust me, everything will seem better after a good night’s sleep."
“Don’t fucking patronize me Jeff, I’m a grown ass man. I don’t need babied, I can look after myself,” Jensen yells.
"Sure, that’s real obvious from where I'm standing”, Jeff snaps back and dear God, Jeff has no idea how to handle Jensen like this. The kid looks like he is about to take a swing at him, either that or pop a blood vessel. Jeff silently counts to five, calms himself down and suddenly feels sympathy for all those mothers with crabby over tired toddlers that he avoids like the plague in grocery stores. "Okay, baby, let's just-"
"Don't fucking call me baby!" Jensen rages, cutting Jeff off, then from no-where the book in Jensen's hand whips past him, thwacks against the wall and drops to the floor with a thud.
Jeff's jaw drops in disbelief that Jensen just did that, but when he looks at him, Jensen looks just as stunned. What little color he had in his face has leeched away, and he's staring at his hand as though it doesn't belong to him. "Shit, Jeff I’m sorry. I don't know what happened. God, I could have hit you. I'm so sorry."
Jeff crosses the room and wraps his arms around Jensen. The kid’s body is rigid. Jeff is almost scared to squeeze him too hard in case he shatters. "Shh, it's okay, Jen. I know you didn't mean it." Jeff strokes his hand soothingly over Jensen's back until some of the tension in his body eases, but he's unprepared for the sudden drop to the floor Jensen takes when his knees suddenly cave. Jensen hits the floor hard and Jeff follows him down. Jensen is breathing harshly; panting as if he's just run the New York marathon and Jeff would be lying if he said he wasn’t a bit freaked out. "Come on kid, just breathe. You're fine, just too much caffeine and not enough sleep. Just breathe, I've got you. Come on, you're alright, everything's gonna be alright," Jeff babbles, hugging Jensen tight to him. After a few scary minutes, Jensen's breathing quietens and he sags exhausted against Jeff.
"You doing better now?" Jeff asks.
"Yeah," hiccups Jensen. Jeff suspects that Jensen is trying to choke off a sob and sure enough when he lifts the boy’s head, his eyes are shining with tears through the smudged lenses of his glasses. He holds Jensen's chin and pulls him in, gently pressing their mouths together. When he draws back, Jensen is wide eyed and dazed.
"Come on, sweetheart; my joints don't take too kindly to sitting on the floor these days." Jeff stands, tugging Jensen up with him. He's about to collapse on the sofa with Jensen, but concluding that there is a good chance that the kid is about to pass out, leads him straight through to his small bedroom instead. Carelessly swiping the clothes scattered over the bed on to the floor, he manoeuvres a docile Jensen onto his back on the bed. Jeff lies down beside him. He practically has to squash Jensen into the wall because trying to fit two six-foot tall men onto one single bed is no easy feat.
Jensen turns onto his side, drapes his arm across Jeff and lays his head onto his chest. "I am so sorry, Jeff."
"Forget about it, seriously I think you got as much of a shock as I did."
"No,” Jensen shakes his head, "not about that. Well yeah, I am sorry about that but I'm sorry about being such a fuck up. This isn't what you signed up for."
"Jensen, shut up. I love you, you idiot. It doesn't matter how many books you throw at my head, I'm never going to stop loving you. And you aren't a fuck up. You're stressed out and not looking after yourself. Just go to sleep, I swear everything will be fine tomorrow."
"Kay," sniffs Jensen. "Will you stay with me?”
"Course I will." Jeff carefully slips Jensen’s glasses off his nose and lays them on the bedside table before enveloping Jensen in his arms.
"I do realise I've been acting a bit nuts, you know." Jeff is surprised Jensen hasn’t slipped straight asleep but if he needs to talk then Jeff is happy to listen.
“It’s just,” Jensen continues, “I’ve worked so hard to get this far, even when I didn’t think I would ever be able to afford to go to grad school, I worked my ass off keeping my grades up. I’m scared that I’m going fuck it all up now that I’m so close to getting what I want. I’m scared that I’m not even doing the right thing going to grad school. My mom, she worked so hard to send me to college. She was great you know, supportive and loving. She didn’t care that I was gay, she didn’t complain when I went out of state to go to college. She was always there for me and I don’t – I don’t want to let her down. I love her and I miss her and I just want my mama to be proud of me, Jeff.”
Jeff struggles to talk past the lump in his throat. His heart feels like it’s grown too big for his chest. Jensen has never talked about his Mom before, other than to say she passed away a couple of years ago. He has always doggedly avoided talking about his family. Jeff suddenly feels powerless; nothing he can do will take this pain away from Jensen. The millions of dollars he has in the bank, all the resources he has available and none of it can stop a boy from missing his mom.
He squeezes his arms tighter around Jensen, crushing him to his chest. “Jensen, your mom must have been an amazing woman because you are the most beautiful, intelligent, kind hearted man I have ever met. She loved you, sweetheart and she knows how much you loved her. I’m sure the only thing she cared about was that you were happy and I’m damn sure that she would be proud of the man you’ve become.”
Jensen sniffles against him and Jeff can feel a small damp patch spreading through his shirt as the tears eventually spill from Jensen’s eyes. “Thanks Jeff, love you.” Jensen says faintly just before his breathing settles into an easy rhythm that suggests he has finally fallen asleep.
Jeff isn’t exactly comfortable lying here with Jensen in a tiny bed. He’s fully dressed, his pants are spattered with slowly drying coffee stains, and a wet spot is soaking through his shirt under Jensen’s head but nothing in the world could make him move. He loves this kid so much and he’s going to stay by his side for as long as possible.
Finis