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sand billows around in the wind, twisting in the air in familiar, unchanging patterns. the only thing in this world that had remained the same in all this time.
Vash hardly even took notice, the world around him mere background noise. he had walked this world a thousand times over. witnessed every change wash over this land like a blessing, he had been there to nurture these blessings that took so much work to cultivate, he had taught others how to do the same and eventually, they no longer needed him. The faces of those he helped had long since been weathered away in his mind. details of nearly anything he had done now eluded him.
he walked, and he walked, and he walked. he had no destination, no goal, and no home. no friends to settle beside. they had all long since gone, their lives swept away by the desert wind leaving nothing but fading memories that could no longer pull a smile to his cracked lips. he walked, for there was no reason to run. his name had long become that of a forgotten legend. no bounty on his head anymore, no one chased him, no one spared him a second glance as they would pass on the road. there were roads now, the land stable enough to keep the passage of man etched in its skin. it was odd, something so simple had nearly revolutionized travel. now he would often pass others on his travels, riding in worm-drawn carriages with their families.
he used to smile at them, strike up some conversation, or play with the children as they traveled. he used to before children started being scared of him, and people would keep their distance after one look into his eyes. he would often stare in the mirror trying to see what they saw, what inhuman piece of him that shone so clearly to them, that after hundreds of years of life could finally no longer be hidden.
now, he avoided eye contact with everyone, he spoke less and he traveled more. he never stayed in one place for more than a night. the stares of others were just too much. he felt more alone in cities, surrounded by those piercing gazes, than he did in all his years surrounded by nothing but sand.
a cool breeze, once a rarity, blew past, ruffling his ever-spikey blonde hair. his gaze flicked upwards, instantly recognizing the city before him. the only place he always seemed to return to no matter how hard he tried to avoid it. Hopeland stood, proud and bright, not even a few Iles away. he hadn't stepped foot in that place since... him.
"hey, spikey! up and at em!" a familiar gruff voice griped, a hand roughly grabbing his shoulder and shaking him awake.
"wh- huh?" Vash lazily blinked awake, vaguely recognizing that the steady rumble of the van had gone still. "whas happnin?" he asked around a big yawn, pretending not to see the found smile that played at Wolfwood's lips. it was rare to see him smile, more so to see him smile genuinely.
"short stack ran us out of gas with her crazy driving." Wolfwood elaborated. a shit-eating grin now there to match his teasing tone as he playfully ruffled Meryl's hair. She let out an indignant squeak, batting his hand away, and launching into a tirade about how this was actually their fault since she didn't have time to refuel before they had stirred up trouble as usual.
Vash watched, pretending to still be sleepy, but really just basking in the gentle light of this moment. so familiar, yet it always seemed to fill his chest with that same warm feeling of rightness, this was the way it was meant to be, and even as the two of them began to escalate Vash couldn't help but smile.
eventually, Roberto managed to separate the two, and Meryl kicked him and Wolfdwood out so they could start their journey to get gas. Vash half-heartedly scolded Wolfwood for his teasing, while the other just laughed him off. it was a struggle for Vash not to laugh as well.
he sighed, hazy, familiar memories washing over him, painful and soothing in the same stroke. pulling a smile at their warmth, and making his lip quiver at the burning loss they would always remind him of.
he should turn around, it's what he always did. nothing there would be the same as it once was, it would only serve to remind him further that he was gone. gone to him, gone to history, gone forever.
yet he took a step forward, and then another and another.
he didn't dare enter, instead climbing up a nearby hill that overlooked the city. The sun was beginning to set now. the city's lights coming on, lighting up every street and building. shining with the light of all the life that lay below where Vash stood. a soft smile settled on Vash's lips, as he gazed out over the city. it had changed so much, he had known this, but it was different to actually see it. strangely it filled his chest with a strange warmth and contentment.
"wonder what you would think..." his voice cracked from disuse, he couldn't remember the last time he had spoken. the sound of his own voice almost felt foreign to him.
he sighed and leaned against a tree, slowly sinking down to sit with his knees hugged close to his chest. he merely watched the city below him, the memories he had shared here with him coming back crisp and sharp. like a paper cut, they pieced his heart with each bittersweet memory.
Vash sat face down on the bar, his head was absolutely pounding. the soft sounds coming from the half-broken jukebox in the corner did nothing to help him. he groaned and buried his face deeper into his folded arms. still, he didn't regret last night, dancing like a fool and drunk off his ass. the memory of his friends all sitting around the table, smiling and laughing as though there wasn't a worry in the world. like all that existed was that moment, of that warm night, the warm drinks, and the warm company they shared. Vash had never made it to his room, falling asleep where he sat now.
his back was screaming at him from being hunched over all night, but he didn't have the willpower to sit up at the moment. that was until a gentle, but calloused hand brushed the hair away from the front of his face. he couldn't help the delicate way his eyes fluttered open, or the small smile that played on his lips when he was met with Wolfwoods face, a smirk playing at his lips. he hadn't noticed then the way Nick had looked at him then, a soft blush on his cheeks, and an even softer look in his eyes, but he had felt a warmth in his chest all the same. it was all he could think about anymore.
"Well how about that, he's alive!" Nick said, a little too loud as he laughed at his own joke. making Vash whine, and grimace as his head pounded with a vengeance.
"Niiiick" he whined, halfheartedly batting his hand away from his hair.
Nick had laughed, the sound soft and warm... earthy, in a way that was so uniquely Nicholas. he sat down beside Vash and bought him breakfast. the two sitting in relative silence, teasing each other intermittently until Roberto and Meryl finally made it down.
"why am I still here?" he asked to no one in particular, there was no one left to answer him after all. his gaze swept over the city, and then past. looking upon the old abandoned building that stood outside the city's bounds, until suddenly he saw it. like a bullet, recognition shot through him the moment he saw it in the distance. the orphanage. leaning on its foundation so bad that he could see it from here, but somehow still standing. refusing to be blown away and forgotten, much like him.
a longing, so painful and fresh, unlike he had felt since when Nick had originally died shattered his heart and tore a broken sob from his lips. there had been no goodbye, just an absence, sudden, abrupt, and louder than any voice could be. only rivaled by the sound of silence that held him down like an oppressive weight. his sobs had quieted to quaking, shuddering breaths as hot tears rolled down his nose, dripping onto his knees. If Nick were here he would have told him to get up, that crying was a waste of time, that he should be over this by now... but he wasn't here. and he never would be again.
so Vash sat, and looked out at the only proof Wolfwood had ever existed. he watched, and watched, letting himself be absorbed by memories of when he was here. night turned to day, then back to night. over and over again, until it wasn't him who sat there, just the corpse that used to be him.
but it hadn't been him for a long time, not really, just something that had been walking for a very long time.