Chapter Text
“I can’t go with you–”
“I know,” Greta whispers with her eyes downcast.
“But I had to do that one more time before you left.”
Greta gathers her courage and asks, “Are you gonna go back with Charlie?”
Carson stares into Greta’s eyes, shakes her head, and responds, “No. I don’t know where I’m headed.”
Greta fiddles with Carson’s necklace, attempting to keep her close just a bit longer. After a pause, she continues, “You changed my whole life.”
“You opened me up again, Carson.” Greta smiles as she gently runs her hand along the side of Carson’s face.
“See you next season?” Carson asks, hopefully.
With a smile and tap to Carson’s chin, Greta answers, “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
Carson watches, with a smile spread across her face and dimples on full display, as Greta walks away from the house–from her– and gets into the cab to go start her new life. She feels an immense sense of hope and love as she reminisces on the past season with Greta. With a steadying breath, she turns to go back inside the house. Her smile immediately falls as she finds Charlie standing on the porch with flowers in hand and the most confused and broken look on his face. He drops the flowers to the porch. Carson stares ahead at him.
“Charlie, I –”
“Carson, don’t. Let’s get your things, and we can discuss this back at the hotel, before the trip home.”
Not sure how else to respond and scared of what Charlie could say or do to hurt Greta, she replies with a quick, “Yes, Charlie.”
She leads him inside and up the stairs to what was her and Shirley’s room for the last few months. Silently, they both work on packing up her things. When Carson leaves to collect the last of her belongings from the bathroom, Charlie picks up a red book from her nightstand. Curious, he opens the book to the title page, and a small, folded piece of paper flutters to the floor. Quickly, he grabs it off the ground and opens it.
My sweet Carson,
I knew you wouldn’t be able to come with me to New York. But, I also knew, if I didn’t ask you, I would regret it everyday until I see you again. I hope you enjoy this off-season and get to explore every aspect of yourself that you want to discover. You are a strong, amazing, beautiful person Carson Shaw. Don’t let anyone make you believe otherwise. I will add my address in New York to the bottom of the page, in case you want to reach out during your adventures. I will miss you terribly and look forward to next season.
Yours always,
Greta
Charlie stares at the letter, dumbfounded and angry. He can hear Carson returning from the bathroom and immediately stuffs the letter into his pocket. He plasters a smile on his face as he hands Carson the book to pack with the last of her things. They both make their way back out to the porch. With Carson’s bags in one hand, Charlie grabs her hand in his other as they walk toward the car waiting in front of the house. He puts the bags in the back of the cab and turns to see Carson looking fondly at the blue house.
“C’mon Car. We have a lot to talk about,” he says as he slips inside. Carson sighs and follows behind him. Carson spends the short ride staring out the window and nervously picking at her fingers. Thoughts were going through her head so rapidly, and she could feel the beginnings of a panic attack. She knew she needed to keep a level head for her conversation with Charlie, so she focused on the one thing that calmed her down and brought her comfort. Greta. Imagining her laugh and her touch brought Carson all the confidence she needed. By the time the cab pulls up to the hotel, she is more than ready to talk to Charlie and start her own life.
Carson grabs her own bags as Charlie pays for the ride. She heads inside to the hotel room Charlie was supposed to have left almost a week ago. Once they both make it into the room, Charlie sits on the bed, and Carson sits on the chair in the corner. They stare at each other, trying to determine who will address the circumstances first. Finally, with the last of her Greta-given confidence, Carson starts,
“Charlie, I’m really sorry you had to see that. That’s not how I wanted you to find out.”
“Find out what, Car?”
“Um, that I am – that I had an affair,” she pauses for a moment to breathe, “and that I want a divorce. I am so very sorry Charlie, but who I was before was not really me. I was hiding, but now I finally feel like myself. I feel strong and brave and like I can do anything. I can’t lose that by going back to Lake Valley.”
“So you’re just going to leave me, your husband, to do what? Run after a woman you’ve only known for a few months?”
Wary of bringing Great into this conversation, Carson redirects, “It’s not about her, Charlie. I need to be on my own. I need to keep figuring out what makes me, me. And I just can’t do that back in Idaho with you.”
“So, if the you in Idaho wasn’t really who you are, was any of this real? Did you ever even love me?”
“Of course I did, Charlie! I still do. You’re my best friend. I just realized that’s all you’ll ever be.”
Charlie sighs and looks away from Carson. Resigned, he walks over to his bag and digs out an envelope.
“These are for you. You earned them. Plus, you’ll need them wherever you’re going,” he says solemnly as he hands Carson her baseball wages.
“Thank you, Charlie.”
“I suppose, since you don’t want to return to Lake Valley, I can file for divorce when I get back. I can mail the papers to wherever you end up. And don’t worry, we can file on the grounds of abandonment. I don’t see a reason to bring anyone else into this situation.”
Surprised by the ease of this conversation, Carson continues cautiously, “I appreciate how you are handling this Charlie. I really am hoping you will still be my best friend when all this is through.”
“Of course, Carson. I only ever want the best for you. Once you settle somewhere, just write to me at home–or, I mean, Lake Valley, so I have an address to send the papers.”
“I will, Charlie. Thank you.” Carson lets out a quiet sigh of relief. She puts her wages in her purse and turns back to Charlie. “Well, I guess since we covered you– you know everything…” she trails off and warily attempts to meet Charlie’s eyes, “I guess I should head out then.”
“I guess so. Please take care of yourself, Car.”
“Don’t worry,” she says with a small smile, “I am going to be just fine.”
“Yeah,” he pauses, then meets her smile. “You always were capable of taking care of yourself.” Charlie stands and walks to Carson. He wraps her in one last hug and kisses her hair. “Goodbye, Carson. I’ll miss you.”
Carson kisses his cheek and responds, “I’ll miss you too.” She turns to grab her bags and walks to the door. With one last look, she says, “Goodbye, Charlie.”
*************
Carson heads to the front desk and calls a cab to the train station. As she waits, she starts to process everything that happened with Charlie. It went better than she expected, but she knew Charlie always was a good guy. She was positive about the outcome and looking forward to her next adventure.
When the cab arrives, she gets in and asks the driver to take her to the train station. On the drive over, she starts to consider where exactly her next adventure should be. She had always wanted to see the Pacific Ocean, but it feels wrong to go to California without Greta. Now, thinking about Greta again, she realizes she has no means of communication. She can’t write or call. She can’t even visit Greta–if she eventually decided she spent enough time finding herself and if Greta would even want that. However devastating that thought is, she quickly remembers that focusing on Greta is not what this time apart is for. Carson decides instantly that she will use this off-season to focus solely on herself–to figure out who she is and what she wants. And, she will let Greta have this time apart to learn how to survive on her own. Then, when they both return to Rockford in the summer, she will be free to be with Greta without anything holding her back.
Carson is broken from her thoughts as the cab pulls up to the station. She pays and thanks the driver and heads over to buy her ticket. As she looks at the map next to the booth and the time table for the next available trains, she decides to head to Seattle, Washington. She reasons that it’ll get her closer to the ocean, it is not California, and it's the next westbound train to arrive. She buys her ticket and heads to a bench to wait 25 minutes until the train arrives. Carson pulls out her new favorite book, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, and flips to the title page. She remembers the first time she did so, just after Greta gave her the book and told her to read it. She hugs the book to her chest for a moment, then lowers it and gets lost in the pages until the train is stopped in front of her. After tucking the book safely under her arm, Carson grabs her bags and starts toward the train. She pauses just before stepping on, takes a centering breath, and steps on the train she hopes will lead her to self-discovery.
*************
Back at the hotel, as soon as Carson closes the door behind her, Charlie slumps onto the bed. He stares into space for a while and tries to understand everything that just happened. He just saw his wife kissing someone else–another woman no less. His wife is not coming home with him. She doesn’t even want to be his wife anymore.
He handled the conversation with Carson well, all things considered. He intends to keep his word and file for divorce on the grounds of abandonment when he returns home. Although, now, as everything hits him at once, he can feel the anger and hurt building inside himself. Charlie loves Carson–he really does–but he is not himself right now. He is hurt and turns that hurt toward Greta. Charlie makes a vindictive, impulsive decision. He goes to the desk in the corner and begins to write.
When he finishes writing, Charlie examines his scrawled letter and is momentarily thankful for his and Carson’s matching, messy handwriting. He hopes it will make Greta believe the letter more. He hopes it crushes her heart as much as seeing her kiss Carson crushed his. With his mind made up, he heads to the front desk for an envelope and stamp. He addresses the envelope and has the concierge mail it without a second thought. He then checks out of the hotel, too.
He goes back to his room, tucks Greta’s letter to Carson into his own belongings, and gathers everything into his suitcase. He leaves the hotel for the train station. On the trip home, Charlie prepares himself for his arrival, how to explain everything to their families, and how to live his life without Carson.
*************
Greta has been in New York for a few months now. She loves being back in the city, and working for Vivienne has turned out to be a great opportunity for her. Sure, she misses Carson everyday, but she knows Carson is doing what is best for herself. Greta holds no resentment over that decision. She wants Carson to do and experience everything her heart desires–well, hopefully not everything. But even still, if Carson should decide to find comfort in others during the time apart, Greta knows she will still be ready and waiting for her. Hopefully, if that is what Carson still wants.
It is a Thursday evening, in early December, and Greta has just gotten home from work. She follows her usual routine: grab her mail from the lobby and head upstairs to make dinner, shower, and call Jo. Once inside her apartment, Greta drops her purse and the mail on her entryway table and heads to the kitchen. She quickly makes a simple dinner. She turns on her radio, softly, and pours herself a glass of wine right before she sits down to eat.
Afterward, she clears her dishes and makes her way to the bedroom. She quickly removes her uncomfortable outfit from work and showers. She throws on her favorite black nightgown–the same one she was wearing when she cut Carson’s hair. She pulls on the same robe she wore that night, too. She hugs herself briefly but tightly as she recalls that first night spent alone with Carson. After her reminiscence, she heads back out to her small living room and calls Jo.
“Hey Bird,” Jo starts because she already knows who the call is from.
“Hi Joey!”
The call continues for a bit. Greta tells Jo about work over the last week. Jo updates Greta on her new life in South Bend. Greta is still sad sometimes that she and Jo are no longer a package deal, but she loves the pure happiness she can hear in Jo’s voice as she tells a story about her and two of the teammates she has been living with in the off-season.
As Jo finishes one story and starts in on another, Greta briefly wanders over to grab and sort her mail from earlier. She stops when she reaches a small, crumpled letter that looks like it had gotten lost at some point. Despite the wear on the envelope, the hurried scrawl and the name in the top corner are familiar.
“So, Bird, you told me about last week. Do you have anything exciting planned for the coming weekend?” There is no response.
“Bird?” Silence, again. “Greta?!”
“I’m–I’m sorry, Joey. I just…I got a letter. From Carson.”
“Well, what’s it say?” Jo asks excitedly.
“I don’t know. I haven’t opened it yet.”
“Go on then. Don’t you want to know how much she misses you and read all her Farm Girl ramblings?” Joey asks while laughing lightly.
Greta responds softly, “I’m scared, Joey. The envelope is thin. What if it’s not what I want to hear?”
“I seriously doubt Farm Girl would do that to you. But, you won’t know until you read the letter. I’ll let you go, so you can read it. Remember, Greta, I am here for you always–even if I’m not in New York. Whatever that letter says, you’re always my Bird.”
“Thank you, Joey. I love you, and I miss you.”
“I love and miss you too, Bird. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, Joey. I’ll talk to you next week.” Greta hangs up and stares at the letter sitting in her lap. With shaking hands, she opens the envelope, pulls out the letter, and reads.
Greta,
I got your letter. I think it is only fair I tell you this now, rather than keep you hoping for something that will never happen. I am going back to Charlie. I love him, and I can’t turn my back on my best friend. He is my husband, and you were a mistake I never should have made.
Carson
Greta can barely see the end of the letter through the tears filling her eyes. The letter falls from her grasp and flutters to the floor. She feels more than hears the sob that breaks through her throat. She feels her heart as it’s crushed in her chest. Greta lays back on the couch, closes her eyes, and cries. She had thought Carson was different. She had tricked herself into thinking maybe, just maybe, Carson could love her too. She thinks back to what she told Carson in Rockford the morning after the bar raid. It turns out she was right then; they were just a fling.
When she wakes up the next morning, sore and disoriented, it takes Greta a moment for everything to come rushing back to her. Once it does, though, she makes a decision. She won’t be going back to Rockford for the next baseball season. Having her heart broken is a good enough reason to break her promise to return. She starts getting ready for work and mentally prepares to meet with Vivienne first thing. After she gets to the office and clocks in, she heads straight to Vivienne’s office and asks if she can be kept on through the summer. Though she is skeptical of her reasoning, Vivienne is more than eager to keep a diligent worker like Greta on her staff.
“If you would like to stay on with the company for longer, I would certainly love to have you Miss Gill. However, I do have a proposition for you,” Vivienne starts. Greta hides her apprehension as best she can and lets her boss continue.
“You are more than welcome to stay working here in New York. I have no doubt you would continue to do excellent work. But, I have been watching you and have been very impressed. I would like for you to help open a new branch of Hughes Cosmetics at the end of this coming Spring season. Is that something you would be interested in?”
Greta doesn’t hesitate to respond, “That sounds amazing Mrs. Hughes, thank you. I couldn’t dream of refusing. I appreciate the opportunity, and I won’t let you down.”
“There is a catch, though, Miss Gill. The promotion involves a relocation to California. Is that still something you would be interested in?”
“That’s even better.” Greta smiles as she leaves Vivienne’s office and heads toward her own desk. She’ll make a clean break from anything here and from anyone who knows she’s in New York. For the next few months, she will keep working hard and proving herself to Vivienne. Greta is determined to start a new, unattached life in California.